Tree of Life: Unus Ramum Oblitum
by SaraRoseUrBoat
Summary: Post CATWS: Bucky finds himself wandering in a series of tunnels beneath New York City: lost, alone, and for what he believes to be a first, he is afraid. Hallucinations and memories plague him as he recovers from the battle above the Patomac and all he wants is to find something to anchor him in this new and terrifying world. More in 1st Ch.
1. Sic Vis Pacem Para Bellum

1 : Sic Vis Pacem Para Bellum

* * *

 _"You know me." His voice was harsh as he said it, damaged from fight and fire. The helicarrier spiraled closer and closer to the ground with them faltering inside of it, both fighting for one man's life._

 _"No,I don't!" His response, his eruption, was chaotic, full of hatred, pain, and determination. The only relief he found was from pounding his fists into the cause of all this chaos — the one that shifted his reality._

Gasping awake is never a worthwhile experience. Combine it with the fact that he was now hearing voices echoing down the tunnels he found as refuge, it was a recipe for a special kind of disaster.

He had been successfully evading many of the tunnel's occupants for a few weeks now, including the owners of the aforementioned voices. When he first entered the vast series of underpasses somewhere north of Washington, D.C. he was content to spend his time healing in the damp dark. The tunnels connected to sewer lines and subway systems throughout the northeastern megalopolis and were rife with steam vents. So it wasn't quite as cold as most would assume, the air was actually thick and tepid.

To be honest, he found himself tired of the seemingly endless chill available in the northern states. He realized that the warmth of the tunnels had a new effect on him, it made him feel safe, maybe even protected. Part of his mind knew that it was a simple illusion, a combination of unregulated hormones and neurotransmitters blindly rediscovering the proper routes in his brain. However, it was still there and it was somehow comforting — a completely new experience all in itself. Though he still struggled with the theory of preference, he did like the warmth that rushed through the tunnels — though the smell could be better.

He stood slowly, using the wall to steady himself. He was in no way at mission standard since the last fight. All of the injuries, though healed, combined with the running, the confusion, and eventually, the hallucinations were beginning to take their toll.

Despite the healed shoulder and superficial wounds, everything inside of him burned with a devastating sense of loss. This had been the longest he'd been out of stasis, and in his mind, he forced himself to believe that his psychological symptoms were all simply issues with his inability and unwillingness to go back to base. A part of him might say he felt free, but with all that was happening, fear made it difficult to focus long enough to feel much of anything other than confusion. The duality of his clarity could be blindsiding.

He was damn tired of all the running, but it never really occurred to him to stop. His routine was shattered, his perfection a mere illusion. He always completed his missions and returned to command, he'd never had any critical issues until that day on the bridge. Failing this mission — command being destroyed — he was a gun without a holster or a sight, still deadly, but wayward. Something that was far more dangerous than he'd ever been before.

He no longer had mission parameters and his devotion to the objective was mangled into a monstrous rage.

He struggled with something else too. The hallucinations appeared to be getting worse. Flashes of moments he could not remember and words he never believed he would say littered his dreams. In the quiet moments, the small glimpses of an odd sort of peace would be shattered by a familiar and confusing face. This all started to worsen after he went to that damned museum and snuck into the exhibit that was created to honor him. It made everything so much worse and he had left D.C. not long after. He wanted to piece himself back together, regain some inkling of whoever he really was, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He didn't know how to even begin.

Things were volatile and unstable, in his mind and in the rest of the world. The entire planet had been tilted on its axis. A crazed sort of disorder permeated society and there was an unfortunate resonation in his memory. He had an inkling that he was instrumental in conducting chaos in the name of order and his actions echoed within the halls of History. Yet, despite the chaos and mistrust, despite the devastation and destruction, despite how everything seemed to be worse, he wasn't sure he believed it really was.

At least now, he was free.

But what did that really mean?

He leaned his head back and sighed. He'd never felt so weary before — or rather, never remembered it. He sat alone in the tunnel, slick moss cradling his head and spine and providing a comfort he was willing to admit he enjoyed.

Liked.

Emotion.

Preference.

Choice.

All these new words with doubled meaning swirled within his shattered mind. He was constantly grasping at thoughts and whispers, desperate for something — some truth that until these past few days had not been a concern for him in his stalled life.

He'd never needed the truth before, he had only needed the mission. Now, without a directive, he felt adrift and dangerously close to losing the tiny sliver of control he had left. Without the mission, without parameters, the behavior of a ruthless cog in the Hydra machine would result in something catastrophic.

He closed his eyes and tried to rest this time, the voices far enough away to not cause alarm. Resting his eyes was a very foreign sensation to be done by choice. On missions, he rarely needed rest until his objective was complete. So now, he was running himself ragged, to the point where cat naps and fantasy integration no longer sufficed. He was finally hitting his true breaking point and it was terrifying.

He'd never worried about individual thoughts or conscious decisions before. He was given a plan and he completed it, no question, no qualms. There was no room for dissent, for beliefs, there was only room for the mission and its objective. Now he just felt disjointed, collapsable, finally realizing why it was so necessary that he be wiped and frozen after every single assignment. There was no time to feel guilty about actions he couldn't remember or faces he couldn't place.

His eyes fluttered open at the sound of voices, now dangerously close to him. He must have fallen into a deeper sleep while he was leaning up against the cool, soft moss covering the wall behind him. His exhaustion was eating away at his skill set, but in the last few months he had not found anywhere that felt truly safe enough to rest in. He adjusted slowly and quietly, listening intently as the voices edged closer still.

The voices of course, were casual and conversational, no indication that they were searching for him, the mysterious tunnel interloper. He had been trying his damnedest to stay hidden and separate, until he could formulate a plan — perhaps even a mission of his own.

The two voices echoed off the walls and he was able to pin point their location and estimate what kind of opponents they would make. So far, one voice seemed to belong to a heavy set male with a baritone voice and a bum knee by the sound of his steps. The other belonged to a frail sort of fellow, light on his feet with a gait that suggested he was just a bit taller than the asset himself, and a voice all in his nose. They bickered affectionately through the passage as they approached his hidden dwelling.

He was hoping they would turn down another path, one that was unoccupied, so that he would be left alone and allow him a few moments of respite from his own thoughts. He didn't want to kill anyone anymore, not because of his conscience, but more rationally, evasion. It was an easy trail to follow, the one lined with corpses.

To stay alive, right now, all he needed to do was hide, to remain a mystery, and ensure the protection of his existence - The Winter Soldier.

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th.

"Bucky." The word left his lips unbidden, but nonetheless of import. It tasted like a poison on his tongue, but the name was sweet in his throat, something thick and almost smothering. He could remember it vividly, voiced by the man that seemed to haunt him the most. Eyes that consumed him wholly, the weight of his name on those lips seemed almost…sacred.

He jolted back to awareness, his instincts in full force as he heard the shuffling footsteps of the two men walking into his section of the tunnels.

He'd need a new place soon if one of them —,

"Hey!" One yelled, his voice booming against the stone walls and rattling about within the asset's skull. There was a period of terrible silence that followed, but it dissolved into an uneasy moment of uncertainty, "Christ man, you scared the shit out of us!" He chuckled nervously, "Narc is that you?"

"Nah, Narc went to Hoboken." The one with the nasally voice replied.

"Oh." The large one seemed nonplussed and thought for a moment, "Hurler? Is that you?"

"Christ Tox, it's not Hurler!" His friend hissed. In the pervasive darkness, the soldier heard the thin one turn to face him, a shuffling of clothing to signify that he was raising his arms slowly, "Look man, whoever you are, you just need to get the hell out of here, okay? We don't take in outsiders."

"Well," the one with the deep rumbling voice began, "not unless she approves." The thick one, named Tox evidently, added.

"Still," The thin one replied thoughtfully, "he'd have to go to her and make an appea— God dammit, Tox! We need to get rid of him, not give him a welcome brochure!" He quipped harshly, suddenly realizing what Tox was giving away.

Tox voiced his undesired opinion, "Why don't we tie him up?" He began and the asset tensed, "Take him back and see what we can get for him on the surface?"

The thin one sighed, "Do you have any idea what Callisto would do to us if we brought some stranger to her all tied up?!" He hissed. "You've heard about what happened before! Peace topside, peace underside, right?"

"Sure, but the witch wont be happy if we leave him here and she hears about it. We gotta get him out." Tox continued as if the soldier weren't even there.

The thin one let out a full body sigh in response.

The soldier tensed, reaching a slow hand behind himself to search for a hunk of rock to use as a weapon. He could kill them with his bare hands, but the less evidence he could leave of his presence in this city would mean that much more freedom. Judging by their words, behaviors, and demeanor, he was under the impression that these men, these civilians, had known of a battle they never cared to be a part of and didn't want to repeat it. That would be an advantage for him: impassioned soldiers were just about as useful in a fight as an infant.

"Fine!" The other finally replied in succession. He seemed to turn towards his companion and hissed out a rushed response, "We will take him back. Sid should be coming around soon — maybe Sid'll know what the hell to do." Though the asset heard all of it, he stayed still and waited. The man turned back to face the soldier, hands raised and trying to seem non-threatening, "Look —," he started, but never finished.

The soldier threw a handful of dirt and gravel towards the face of the thin man and he let out a peal of inventive curses as he clawed at his eyes, tumbling backwards onto his backside.

"Thumper!" Tox bellowed before unleashing a guttural snarl and charging at his friend's assailant.

The soldier was hardly affected by the sound as he stood to his full height, flexing muscles that were dormant too long and adjusting the set of the failing metal arm that graced his side. His training and advantage outmatched both of these feeble opponents, even when combined. So this was not a moment he felt fear, this was a moment of surprising clarity.

His lip curled when the thundering stomps of the large man neared, an acrid stench accompanying him. The scent was pungent and brash as it got closer: the putrid odor of unwashed skin, deleterious breath, and something chemical. It almost caused the soldier to falter, but he stayed focused on the man's movements in the crushing darkness.

He easily evaded the grasp of Tox while the one called Thumper was still cursing, not at his loss of vision in the pitch black path, but the grit beneath his eyelids ripping at his cornea. Turning to face another charge, the asset dodged a meaty hand, batting it away quickly with his metal hand and leaning into a punch with the other arm to ensure the thick one would go down. He reminded himself viciously: no bodies, no clues, no path to follow. He must never be found, no matter what.

His punch landed with a sickening crack from the jaw of his opponent. His human fist was meant to be a compromise, to disarm, but not to kill — not if he didn't have to. However, this simple grace he allowed himself, that singular choice not to kill, possibly cost him his life.

The asset screamed, an agony unlike any other burned down to the bone of his gloved fist. Something wet and hot slowly dripped down his knuckles, eating through the leather and rolling down the thin skin on the back of his hand, leaving a trail of what felt like fire in its wake. As he pulled back his hand, meaning to cradle it against his body, he could hear his skin begin to bubble and fizz with whatever was now coating his fist and trying to make a path up his arm. He had not felt this sort of anguish in quite some time.

The assaulted man, Tox, stumbled to his feet and charged again, a roar akin to that of the fullest rage escaping his diseasedmaw and threatening to rip through the asset's ear drums. The soldier stepped back, attempting to assess the situation in desperation. He'd fought much more skilled opponents, better armed and seemingly more dangerous than a chunky thug and his skinny sidekick. When he landed that punch, what should have been enough to knock the other man out for a few hours, ended up landing him in a whole new heap of trouble: what he believed to be skin against skin, a fair fight, ended in a sensation similar to having his hand dipped in molten tar.

Tox rushed at him and the soldier dodged again, swinging his leg up and back down as the man crossed in front of him, a powerful kick to his assailant's back that instantly dropped him to the ground with a groan.

The soldier hissed out a breath a moment after his balance was restored, feeling a stinging rush of air cut up the back of his calf and slowly up his leg. Where his pants had been tucked into his boots, were now tattered fragments of material that had been dissolved, just like whatever was eating away at his skin. The edges of material coated in whatever slime was capable of burning down to the hypodermis was now brushing softly against his calf, getting stuck to hunks of flesh only to be ripped away with any movement. Gritting his teeth, he stilled himself and pushed away the pain, reframing his stance to shield his weak points but doing his best not to allude to his vulnerability.

"Thumper," Tox grunted out after a halted breath, "You okay?"

"Yeah!" Thumper replied, bitterness heavy in his tone as he roused himself.

"We don't —," Tox began, using the wall to stand up, but was interrupted by a loud crash that resulted in him getting thrown backwards.

The soldier had moved fluidly and almost silently, side stepping towards the wall of the tunnel and using his metal fist to punch a hunk of wall that was sent flying towards Tox, the one he knew to be the immediate threat. If he could keep the large one at a distance and defeat the thin one first, he could easily outrun the rotund man. Survival, that what he needed to focus on. He needed to survive.

The soldier did what he was best at and charged the frail man named Thumper with a determined grimace hidden by the darkness.

He leapt upon the man, the asset's body outweighing him and his skill surpassing his. They tumbled to the ground in a heap of straggling limbs in pure darkness, wrestling and rolling, curses being thrown in every direction when the metal fist landed a blow. The Winter Soldier was surprised by the fight in him, but ended up pinning him easily, and he pulled back his metal hand, ready to end it.

Before he could follow through on his punch, the thin man surged upwards, bucking the soldier off of him and sending him scrambling to roll onto his feet almost two feet away. The soldier perched into a low crouch, facing his enemy with a renewed knowledge and a hint of a thrill at this hidden strength. These two civilians didn't seem to be so normal after all. Of course, he should have assumed as much. Not many normal people enjoy lurking about in the dark, abandoned passageways of New York City.

But he refocused.

They could not defeat him.

The Winter Soldier never failed.

Every mission was completed.

Except for his last. The one objective that he knew.

Steve Rogers.

In the splinter of time he allowed his mind to wander, he lost his advantage. The thin man ran at him and all the soldier had time to do was brace himself as the soles of two worn boots collided with the arms crossed in front of him for defense. The metal arm had done its job as a shield, but the force of the kick was so powerful that it rammed into his already injured hand and sent him flying backwards with a resounding crack of metal against bone. His flight was only halted when two beefy arms wrapped around him and held him tight.

Pain surged through him, comparable at least to some of the tactics used by Hydra to mold him into the tool of the century. The pain seemed to illuminate pathways in his brain, pulling out horror stories that began to cycle through his mind. Every attempt to struggle against the acid laced grip resulted in more force, more power, and more pain. A searing burn surged through him at every point of contact and no matter how he tried to twist away, the man held on for dear life.

Unable to hold it in any longer, the asset let out an inhuman sort of howl. An anguish, bred from misery and pain, ripped through his vocal cords and echoed throughout the entire tunnel system, dislodging gravel and dusting it upon them from above.

"Jesus…" Thumper whispered softly as he took a step forward, trying his best to see through the darkness. Tox was holding on tight as the stranger thrashed against him violently and then suddenly went still.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Here is a summary of what this story entails stolen from the X-Post on AO3 (because it allows for much more detail). This is my first Avengers fic that's rooted deeply within the MCU as well as Universe 616 in the comics (Mostly Captain America and Thor). Lore has been taken from each of the individual Avengers' comic in order to create an origin story for my Original Character. So there will be things that are bent and twisted in order to fit the narrative. First and foremost this story is Post CATWS and non AOU compliant, its most likely non Civil War compliant. I started writing this right after CATWS was released, but I got very very ill and had to take a break that lasted about a year. I have about 40 chapters written and I'm currently in a slump but wanting to write again. I'm hoping that posting here will be the kick in the ass I need to get myself motivated. Enjoy:**_

 _ **Rating:**_

 _ **Mature**_

 _ **Archive Warning:**_

 _ **Graphic Depictions Of Violence**_

 _ **Categories:**_

 _ **F/F F/M M/M Multi**_

 _ **Fandoms:**_

 _ **Captain America (Movies) Captain America - All Media Types Captain America (Comics) Winter Soldier (Comics) The Avengers (Marvel Movies) The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types Avengers (Comics) X-Men (Movies) X-Men (Comicverse) X-Men - All Media Types Iron Man (Movies) Iron Man - All Media Types Iron Man (Comic) The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types The Incredible Hulk (Comics) The Incredible Hulk (2008) Marvel Cinematic Universe Thor (Movies) Thor - All Media Types Thor (Comics) Marvel 616 Marvel (Comics)**_

 _ **Relationships:**_

 _ **Steve Rogers & Original Character(s) James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Character(s) Steve Rogers/Original Character(s) James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Original Characters Pepper Potts/Tony Stark Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov Bruce Banner/Betty Ross**_

 _ **Characters:**_

 _ **Steve Rogers James "Bucky" Barnes Original Characters Tony Stark Natasha Romanov Clint Barton Bruce Banner Thor (Marvel) Loki (Marvel) Odin (Marvel) Heimdall (Marvel) Charles Xavier Logan (X-Men) Callisto (X-Men) Ororo Munroe Sam Wilson (Marvel) The Morlocks Other Marvel Characters**_

 _ **Additional Tags:**_

 _ **Marvel 616/MCU Crossover Alternate Universe Action/Adventure Canon-Typical Violence Sexual Content Resolved Sexual Tension Gender Confusion Polyamory Developing Relationship Mixed Race Original Character Pansexual Original Character Agender Character Gender fluid original character asexual pairings Mental Health Issues Body Horror Loss of Identity transference Attachment Issues Unrequited Love Requited Love Angst Loss Minor Character Death Guilt Paranoia Emotional Hurt/Comfort Friendship/Love Comic Book Science Evolution Asgard Stark Tower Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters Mutants Background Relationships Medicinal Drug Use Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con Period-Typical Racism Period-Typical Sexism Implied/Referenced Torture Past Child Abuse Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. References long story like really long I'm Sorry (i'm not sorry) So many ships Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant**_


	2. Leading the Blind Down the Alley

_2 :_ _Leading the Blind Down the Alley_

* * *

The strength of the soldier's opponent was almost as crushing as the darkness and the fear. The blinding pain and terror kickstarted a memory that surged forth and took control of his mind. That familiar darkness, the deafening silence, the absolute agony that clawed at his insides, it was too pervasive to escape. In that moment, he remembered the void they had left him in, where they changed him and molded him, where feeling nothing was beginning to seem like feeling _everything_.

"NO!" The stranger bellowed again, a desperate sob clenching the words off as they left his lips. The blackness of the tunnel only seemed to darken further, empowered by the fear in the asset's voice and taking from him his control. His body seemed to go limp within the brute strength of Tox's grip and he felt the blackness begin to coil up inside of him, erasing all traces of his humanity.

"HEY!" Another voice echoed, not nasally, not so deep, but low and smooth, and just threatening enough under the right circumstances. The asset was shocked out of his spiral, completely unaware that there was a third person in the tunnels with them, "What the hell is going on guys!? You were supposed to help with the delivery."

"Sid?" Thumper inquired, lifting his hand up to shield his eyes as a flicker of light appeared and then expanded to a torch.

"Jesus, what the hell was that sound?" Sid shuffled closer with a torch aflame in one hand, glaring at the slimmer man, "Thumper, come on, don't try and saddle me with — Tox!" There was a gasp when the light filled the small space and Sid could finally see the bloodied form seized in Tox's grasp, shaking and tense in his arms. The light rattled as Sid stumbled forward, closer to Tox with hands raised in a panicked question, "What —!?" The faint light closed in on the soldier, his eyes still distant, glassed over, trapped in some other place.

"What do we do?" Thumper mumbled nervously, obviously a wreck in disheveled clothes and covered head to toe in dirt and slime.

Sid sighed, the light expanded again and caught the asset's attention, breaking him from the memory and shoving him back into the situation with full-fledged panic. He eyed the new member: only a head or so shorter than Tox and somehow slimmer than Thumper.

Sid was a wisp of a person in clothes that seemed too large. A worn, clunky jacket sat upon a slight frame and a cap sat atop a plain face that took no hold in his memory — and he was ever thankful for that. The soldier glared back at them, trying to intimidate what looked like a dingy teenager staring back in slight fascination and what appeared to be pity. He wanted to spit in this new face for looking at him with such disrespect.

"Let him go." Sid commanded.

"But Sid, he —," Thumper began.

"Put him down, he's in pain and he looks terrified."

"He tried to kill us!" Tox defended, "He could be a threat to us! _All_ of us!" He ground out, his arms aching and tired from holding onto the thrashing interloper.

"I'm not joking Tox, you put him down right now." Sid insisted with finality, "He's going to have burns over half his body and if we don't take care of him — shit, do you _know_ what kind of backlash could come at us?" With frantic words, the firelight flickered over the face, instantly twisted in displeasure, a sharp fierceness to their countenance that wasn't there before. That face was young, still open to the idea of disappointment.

"Sid's right," Thumper added softly, "we cant have a body end up down here covered in chemical burns. If anyone is looking for him, they'll come right after us."

"So he's a liability," Tox added gruffly, "Then what —,"

"I _said_ I'd take care of him, didn't I?" Sid replied with a cold authority that chilled the tunnel.

Every movement, every breath spread more of the noxious substance across his entire body and even though he had tried to stop fighting, it continued to drip down in rivulets, leaving trails of blood and brimstone along his skin. All he could focus on was the agonizing burn that ripped at every nerve in his body and his eyes began to flutter closed. The pain was excessive, but he could overcome it. He would heal, if they ever let him go. But if they tried to kill him, well, best of luck with that.

"Okay, so…," Sid seemed to be addressing the soldier directly, their voice smooth and calming compared to the sandpaper ripping at his inflamed skin, "Listen, my friend Tox here has a grip on you because he felt threatened, isn't that right Tox?"

"Well, yeah."

"See?" Sid tried to smile, attempting to get the soldier to follow the conversation as his eyes darted between the brightness of the torch and the darkness of the surrounding shadows. Sid continued, eyeing him carefully, "He's just defending himself in the only way he knows how. He was scared and he reacted poorly — I think you can understand that, cant you?"

The soldier grit his teeth, sweat and blood dripping into his eyes from the earlier scrabble. He focused intently on Sid's voice, blurring out all else. This is what he needed, an anchor, something far away from everything else that poisoned his mind.

"I promise, we don't want to hurt you." Sid added softly, lifting up a slow, steady hand to rest on top of Tox's arms, where the stranger was gripping at his noxious skin. One finger rested gently atop the stranger's hand and he followed the sensation up the arm and to Sid's face where a single eyebrow rose in a question. He scowled for a moment but understood their intent and gently relinquished his grip on Tox's arm with a pained hiss. He could probably see down to the bone if he glanced at his hand. "I need to take care of my friends, okay? Injuries down here can go south real fast so please, let me help them?"

The soldier honed in on the voice, redirecting his sight to meet the muddy green eyes. He narrowed his vision and stared intently at the face before him, young and so seemingly unafraid. _Innocent_. It made the soldier want to recoil from the mere idea.

"If my friend here releases you and you refrain from attacking us, I'll heal you too —,"

"Sid!" Tox pleaded, unhinged exhaustion clear in his tone.

"Tox," Sid interjected evenly, "I got this, okay?" Though it was phrased as a question, the soldier noted the finality in the tone — how despite size and advantage, it seemed Sid's mere presence was enough to cause the other two to fall in line.

"Here's how this works: they let you go, you have a seat and wait your turn, and I heal them. No fights? I heal _you_." Sid emphasized with a slick grin. "No tricks, just a simple exchange between new friends. The last thing I want is for anyone else to get hurt —," Sid paused and eyed him carefully, his responsive look was stubborn, but tempted, "so, we cool, pal?"

The sincerity of the words struck the asset deep in his core. Something swept through him, but it was not pain or fear, it was a distinct familiarity. He tried to refocus, tried to hone in again, but it was futile, the pain, the blood loss, he was slowly fading between visions of blue eyes blinked back to muddy green. He'd see a slanted smile, one apprehensive, cautious, but pure, the other rounded, fuller, with an eased lilt to it that depicted comfort and confidence and innocence. Where blonde hair reflected the firelight, each flicker would send it pulsing back to a black knit cap atop a young, innocent face.

He shook his head, trying to find some clarity in these hallucinations, using the pain from his clenching fist to force the exhaustion away and entertain some focus, but he remained silent.

"Deal?" Sid repeated, the voice firm, honest, and commanding despite the easy patience resting along their brow.

The soldier looked them up and down and tried to find some flaw in this plan. All he could really focus on was the fact that at least it wasn't Pierce. His response after a lengthy minute was a slow and solemn nod.

"Ok Tox, let him go." Sid insisted with silent relief.

The soldier crumpled to the ground and Tox was not far after. Sid stepped forward and let Tox use them for support as they guided him to sit not too far away. Thumper followed slowly, gazing back at the soldier who, despite the pain, scrambled to his side and managed to sit himself against the moss which felt cool against his ravaged skin. He hoped that his usual regenerative capabilities would kick in quickly, before they would start their journey back to whatever triage could be set up under ground. At that point, all he had to do was escape and do his best to leave no evidence.

Unfortunately, now that they had seen his face, this was a struggle he had to reconsider. They had become a threat and he no longer could afford the luxury of allowing them to live. He knew that killing them was the easier route, it always had been before. Kill the target, complete the mission. Period.

"Here you go buddy," Sid said softly to Tox as he went to sit on the ground with Thumper at his side.

The soldier watched carefully as the torch Sid was carrying whipped away from their hand, shooting out in four different directions and into lanterns that the lined the walls, resulting in an unanimous hiss from light-sensitive eyes. With the small space fully illuminated, he watched as Sid pocketed a small silver lighter and removed a now smoldering, ruined jacket and tossed it to the ground.

"Sorry gents, but I need to see to work." Sid smiled wide, pulling the cap from their head, unfurling a long thick braid that tumbled down what the soldier now considered _her_ back — if he could judge by her very faint curves and thin joints after she removed the bulky coat. He was surprised when she turned, her features no longer as hard as they once were when she kneeled next to her friends and reached out to them.

"You're a woman." He blinked a few times, trying to get his head on right, the healing process bringing him a little more clarity as he pushed through the pain. Now that the tunnel was brightly lit, he could assess his would be captors to the fullest extent.

Sid glanced at him with a chuckle as she fiddled with her friends injuries, "When the mood strikes." The soldier didn't understand the comment so he remained silent and inspected the others.

The large one, Tox, stood at around six feet maybe five to seven inches tall and was almost as wide as he was lengthy. Aside from his clear blue eyes and the fiery red mop of hair on his head, his body was marred by a mixture of filth, soiled, tattered clothing, and large seeping wounds covering most of his pale skin. He looked to be absolutely exhausted, so as long as the soldier stayed out of his reach, he could easily escape.

The thin one, Thumper, was a slip of a man, a line of bone and body, and no apparent reservoir of meat or muscle on his frame, however the soldier knew better than to trust his looks. Ragged clothing covered his sickly looking body, one that was frail and bowed, and it tugged a memory out of place, a familiarity and a comfort in seeing someone look so _delicate_.

That caused him to glance back at the one they called Sid, she looked downright frail. But the slightness of her frame was made up by the kind smile on her lips as she reached out to the man with toxic skin. She was delicate with him and almost intimate. She did not shy away from his wounds or the lethal substance that coated him. Her fingers rested on him gently, without hesitation. She murmured something softly to him and he closed his eyes, finally seeming to relax under her touch.

The slim build of the stranger was reminiscent of another lie, another life that did not belong to him. Despite Sid's rich complexion and height in comparison to the jaded memory, there was a deep seated sadness within the soldier in recognizing a determined strength in her fragility. It didn't matter if the small blonde boy from Brooklyn he could see vividly in his mind bared no resemblance to her in anything but bone density. Nonetheless, it stung.

A chuckle rose in his throat but it escaped his lips in the form of a gasp when he realized that young boy and the man on the bridge were one and the same. Memories and flashes and information from the museum that he had originally glossed over screeched along the inside of his skull. He wanted to understand _why_ the man on the bridge looked so _different_ and why it felt so _wrong_.

"Hey…"

He opened his heavy eyes, weighted with his exhaustion and pain, and met the gaze of the mysterious Sid. Before kneeling, she stood at an abnormal height for most dames — not that he knew many. She had long legs, clad in military surplus type pants tucked into tattered boots. Her stomach was flat beneath a tight tank top and her chest wasn't even remotely impressive, though she stood with all the confidence in the world behind that small, smug grin.

Her shoulders were proportional to her hips, but seemed wider because of the lack of curves, throwing her body into an illusion of imbalance that had the soldier questioning their true identity. She seemed to be all hard surfaces and sharp edges, with smooth, ageless skin and strong arms that showed signs of physical labor. Her hair was black and matted from being beneath a cap for so long, and the hefty braid it was trapped in it fell down to the dip in her spine. Her features were acute as well, calculating and able to emote anything from friendliness to sarcasm with a single lift of the brow. Though he could pick out feminine features if he looked long enough, he was not surprised that he thought she was a young man. She seemed to carry herself that way with intent.

She was smiling at him now, unimposing and waiting for his reply. She knelt down slowly, keeping her body still as she came face to face with him, her braid sliding across the back of her shoulder in a simpering attempt to breach the obstacle so it could rest across her neck and chest. With a simple flick of her head and a dip of her shoulder, it was back behind her again in one easy, practiced motion that mesmerized the soldier for a moment with its grace.

"The other guys are fine now," she grinned, "but you sure scared the shit out of them." She chuckled softly, her voice deeper, slightly rough, with severe sort of sincerity to it, like refined honey on the tongue, "Of course, that's if you care."

She smiled weakly at his lack of response, his emotionless eyes assessing her rather than seeing her. She knew that look and she knew it well — trauma? Defensiveness? It didn't matter really, because she could see his blatant fear in those clear blue eyes.

"Will you let me take a look at you?" She curled her lips further into a smile, her eyes softening as she tried to catch his attention, "I have a knack for this sort of thing, they say." She shrugged noncommittally and motioned towards the two men watching them. "If you'll let me, I can help. It shouldn't hurt, ask them. I promise, they're actually really nice — just a bit protective of each other."

"Just tingles," Tox began, tiredly eyeing the stranger with caution, his voice held no biting edge to it, "No pain at all." He cleared his throat and leaned forward, looking sheepish but in good health, "I'm sorry that I hurt you." He mumbled and the asset was actually shocked.

"He gets a little carried away sometimes," Sid added, leaning in closer to the soldier in a joking way, "Tox and Thumper over there are regular soul mates — platonic, that is." She sent a wink flying back at her two friends.

"Little hard to be anything but platonic with old lava lips over here." Thumper quipped, nudging Tox's elbow who somehow blushed through the grime on his face.

"Easy there bean-pole," Sid shot back with a humored grin. She turned to the soldier, giving him a genuine smile, "Either way, we don't want to hurt you. We are just genuinely and rightfully protective of our home."

The soldier eyed her carefully. She was no soldier, no spy. He didn't recognize the usual signs of professional or amateur espionage. The lot of them were civilians, dangerous ones maybe, but civilians nonetheless, hell bent on protecting what was theirs, something precious — family? friends? lovers? What did he know of precious things?

"Home?" He finally ground out, his voice hoarse from disuse.

She nodded, surprise tempering her smile as she replied, "Yeah," she sat back on her heels and shrugged with open arms, "promise not to kill-and-tell and I think we can manage to get you cleaned up, maybe grab a meal?" She added with allure and watched as the soldier swallowed heavily in thought, a clear desperation peaking in his eyes.

She slowly leaned in closer, keeping eye contact with him until the last moment so she could inspect some of the holes the acid burnt through his clothes and skin, "I can help with clothes and I'm pretty sure I can help you with these," she nodded to the burns generally, "though they don't look nearly as bad as when I first turned on the lights." She returned to eye level, a cordial grin on her lips and curiosity burning in those dark eyes, "I can get you up and running, but you should probably see a doctor or something to get yourself back to 100%."

He shook his head, not wanting anymore exposure, "I'm fine." He used the wall as leverage to get to his feet and she scrambled back at the speed and fluidity of his movements. Tox and Thumper were exhausted but reacted anyway, trying to get themselves to their feet quickly if the soldier decided to become confrontational again. Clenching his jaw to ward off the pain of his ravaged skin against his tattered clothing and the annoyance from social interaction, the asset brushed some of the hair out of his face and stared down at her.

He noticed that she put up a hand to stop the two others from coming to her aid. She got her feet back under herself and stood to her full height as well — only about a half a head shorter than him.

She met his eyes and did not seem afraid, she actually seemed smug. Crossing her arms with a charming grin, she leaned forward and spoke, "Your weak ass attempt at machismo don't impress me much." She stepped forward and raised one hand to his chest and another to his forehead. Before her fingertips made contact with his skin, she eyed him with a coy tilt to her lips and a dare in her eyes.

"Trust me?"

Before he could formulate a calculated response, a distant reply rolled off of his tongue in a voice that seemed unfamiliar, "Wanna give me something good to rely on, doll face?"

Her grin widened for a short second and she cleared her throat back to impassivity, "Nice." She muttered sheepishly before she placed her hands on him.

His vision abruptly illuminated and with that came a feeling of utter weightlessness. When his vision cleared, he blinked heavily, an ease of spirit washing over him that was daunting and strange. He looked down at the young woman who was standing before him, flippant and grinning and he just watched as she sized him up.

He frowned back at her, a sharp distaste for whatever she did to cause that evasive freeing sensation, but then he noticed that the pain had all but subsided. He raised his hand to stare at his previously blistering knuckles and was surprised to see the melted skin already healed over and a hell of a lot less irritated than before. Burns that would even take him days to heal were now peeling off in places with fresh skin underneath.

When he looked back into her eyes, he couldn't help the glare he leveled at her that caused her to take a tentative step back, "What are you?" He growled, more out of shock than anger. He had experienced many odd things, or so his brain rationalized, but this was a whole new level of strange.

She simply shrugged, looking unhindered by the fact that she had just healed him like some messiah of old. She smiled up at him, the type of smile that made the room a little less grim as she placed a delicate hand on her chest, "I'm what's called a Sid. And what, exactly, are you?"

A _buh_ sound formed on his lips but he stopped himself before the sound escaped his throat. He flexed his metal fist, the whirring sounded troublesome.

"James." He muttered.

She nodded, "Nice to meet you James."

Sid extended her hand to him and he stared down at it, almost unsure of what to do. He glanced back up at her and she had an expectant grin on her face. He reached out, slowly and took her hand in his.

She shook his hand only twice and then took a step back to allow him some space. "Now why don't we get back to the main tunnel and get some clothes and food?" She turned back to look at Thumper and Tox who nodded an uneasy assent.

He frowned heavily, unsure of how to interpret her actions and behavior, but to his credit, the other men looked just as befuddled as he felt, "I don't understand."

Sid softened her smile, "Not from around here, I'm guessing?"

He coiled himself tight, ready for her accusations, ready for another fight, ready for the kill should he need to bolt and escape without leaving a trail. A plan was forming in his mind quickly.

"Homeless?" She eyed him carefully, "Maybe from D.C. or the outskirts of New York?" She added and apprehension curled in his gut, he didn't want to kill — well, at least, he didn't want to kill _her_ , now that he had a choice and all. "A lot of people got displaced because of what happened in New York with the whole alien thing." She continued, blasé, "It's not exactly better now since D.C." Her tone took on a serious note, "You aren't the only one to have your life destroyed by what's happening. I know someplace that you can rest, but you have to make good with the Morlocks first. You've been squatting in their territory without permission and injured two of their own." She rocked back on her heels and grimaced slightly, "There used to be a harsher penalty for behavior like that, but we're trying really hard to restructure down here. There's enough murdering assholes topside, I figure." She finished with a shrug.

He felt a jolt shoot through him at the mention of the Morlocks, the name sounding familiar though he didn't know why. So James, as he so aptly named himself, tried not to sigh as he sized her up. She oozed honesty, wearing emotions and behaviors for all to see and it made her easy to read. What she offered was something he sorely needed. As of right now, he had no resources, no agenda, and no weapons. With a little help, he could successfully get back on his feet and decide which direction to go in. He adjusted his stance and rolled the tension and anger out of his shoulders, adopting a more relaxed, submissive pose, "Agreed."

Sid smiled wide again, insurmountably pleased, "Good." She nudged him gently on his metal arm with her fist and paused for a moment at the feeling of it under his sleeve, but quickly shrugged it off with a grin on her lips, "We'll do some vague introductions and mediation with a friend of mine, James." She turned on her heel as she pulled something out of her pocket and with a flick of her wrist, the lanterns extinguished as the fire shot back towards her, causing James to stumble back in surprise. She looked over her shoulder and smiled, "Sorry, I should have warned you about that, but I think that out of any place you could be, here is where you'll find the most comfort. Even if it's odd."

He watched intently as the flames licked across her skin, an inferno at her fingertips, but it did her no harm. His eyes widened in disbelief, but he made to follow her, keeping a small distance for safety's sake, "And where exactly am I?"

Tox and Thumper followed at a discreet distance, so he focused in on Sid as she began to lead him through the myriad of tunnels with a grin on her face, "Welcome to The Alley, James." She turned to watch his reaction and seemed pleased with the stern scowl on his face, "Everything you think you know, just got weirder."

He wanted to be suspicious of her, he honestly did, but the mischief in her eyes and the drawl of her words gave every indication that he would probably never doubt her again.

* * *

 _ **Wow sorry for the glitch in formatting!**_


	3. Silent Smiles Speak Volumes

3 : Silent Smiles Speak Volumes

* * *

The group continued the rest of their journey in silence. Sid was lightly humming a song that James couldn't place, but it seemed to sound okay and she appeared pretty happy about it. The two men trailed behind, murmuring between themselves in an animated, but not hostile way so he tuned them out. James fell in just behind Sid, on her right-hand side, his position due to the fact that her other hand was still brightly aflame. He remained quiet, but vigilant, his most recent bout of paranoia taking a back seat for once.

He tried not to stare at the girl at his side, her hair was tucked back under her cap, but her jacket was left abandoned with some of James's own melted clothes. He felt as if most of his wounds were sealed and now at that odd, hypersensitive point. He knew nothing but the same amount of force was needed to break the skin a second time, yet being in this state and not prepping for stasis during his healing process left him feeling abnormally vulnerable.

His eyes were drawn to the woman's arm, her entire wrist to the tips of her fingers rested at the bottom of a rather daunting teardrop of flames. She held her hand in a relaxed way, almost as if the bottom of a wine glass rested in her palm and her fingers curled up like petals along the bowl. It was a delicate gesture for such an imposing force of nature, but it seemed to suit her.

"You can ask me if you want." She spoke through her humming.

"What?" James replied, surprised by how different everything seemed as soon as the silence was broken.

"Ask me about this." She chuckled and waved her fiery hand in front of his face.

He recoiled slightly as the flames tried to lick at his nose and chin and she continued to laugh as she yanked back the flames and her other hand flew to her mouth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I've got pretty good control over it, I promise. I wouldn't wave it in your face if I didn't have it on lock." She smiled and made sure to keep a distance between the flames and his personal bubble.

"I don't have anything to ask." He replied, his voice cold and level.

She stopped abruptly and James stopped just in time to keep his metal shoulder from ramming into her. She turned slowly, continuing to keep the flame away from James' face. "No questions? At all?" She asked him incredulously, "About five minutes ago, I healed you from serious corrosion, I literally have flames licking at my arms and causing me no damage, and you, Mr. Dark and Broody, don't have any questions?!"

Her reaction tugged at something in him and his cheek twitched in the thought of a smile. "No, no questions. You aren't the first."

She grinned and started walking again, "I wont be the last either, not with where we're going."

"The Alley." James interjected with an unsure tone as he followed her.

"Yup."

"What is it?"

Sid chuckled, "It's home." She let out a big sigh after a thoughtful silence, "The Alley is a refuge to those who are shunned by society. Those who can't safely live above ground and risk exposure. Some because they are a danger to others, but most just end up being a danger to themselves."

"The outcasts."

"The remnants of damned souls…" Sid quoted and added when she saw his confusion, "H . G. Wells. The previous leader and founder of The Alley was dramatic and a bit of a fan."

A huff of air escaped his lips because he had the choice to let it out. She was amusing to him and it was a very strange feeling.

"Whoa there, Tin Man," She nudged him against his metal arm, but this time she did not react to its unyielding shape, "don't hurt yourself with all those emotional outbursts."

The words struck something in James, one of those huffs of air bouncing around in his lungs. What she called him, Tin Man, he had a feeling that she wasn't referencing his metal arm, but something else that seemed familiar, "Tin Man?"

"Yeah, big old emotionless dude with the missing heart problem?" She grinned, "Made of metal, but a pretty snappy dancer if you ask me." She paused, watching for a reaction, then in an average mimicry she added with immovable lips and stiff arms, " _Oil can. Oil can._ "

He eyed her carefully as they continued to shuffle forwards, the words resonating in him, but not registering. He couldn't place whatever she was talking about, but it brought some warmth to his bones, so he just let it go and nodded in response.

"Either way, all of us are different, but we're all the same too." Sid shrugged, "I've been in and out over the years, but right now, with what's going on with the state of the world —," the thoughts she had seemed to weigh heavily on her, "well, more people need help than ever before." She seemed frustrated, her shoulders dropping in resignation, "There's a new world opening up now. Two years ago, us simpletons in society discovered that we were not alone in this universe. Six months ago, we then found out that not only was our government lying to us, but also willing to kill a lot of people to gain compliance. We've got humans and mutants and superheroes and monsters… This ain't reality anymore, to be honest, it's dystopian science fiction."

"And what are you?" He probed.

She glanced at him slyly, "Mutant…" She paused, her face scrunching up in thought, "I think… Hell, I don't know, I'm just me. This world is filled with all sorts of shit and I've trudged through my fair share, now I just want to be like those miracles out there I'm lucky enough to call friends. The ones who helped me when I was down." She shrugged with a chuckle, "What do you think you are?"

His jaw clenched as a severe shame boiled inside of him, "One of the monsters." He stated in finality and fell back a few steps, choosing to follow her in silence.

Sid just sighed and kept walking. She wouldn't impose, she wouldn't dig into whatever the hell got him down there. He was big and tough and despite the fact that Tox and Thumper were some of the nicest men she'd met, they still packed a wallop when they wanted to. So he definitely had some sort of skill, despite the fact that he looked like a sopping, furious ferret. Not to mention the fact that he healed much faster than the other two. He definitely had a story to tell, but she'd wait to hear it. It was his, inarguably, and it deserved to be heard, but only when he was ready to tell.

Such was the way of the Morlocks: no questions, no judgements, just constantly clinging to peace.

The tunnels twisted and turned a few more times before they were finally able to see a faint light shining in the distance. However long it took for the dot of light to become the tunnel's end, they barely knew, but it was a familiar distance most of them had walked many times.

As they approached, the sound began to grow. Casual conversation floated through the air and James looked over and saw Sid exhale heavily with a blissful smile on her lips. She walked forward with her shoulders back and head raised, eager to reach the commotion ahead, while James did not fare so well.

"Hey Sid…" Tox said in a harsh whisper from behind her.

Sid stopped and turned to face Tox, shooting a fleeting smile at James on the way, "Yeah?"

Tox and Thumper jogged a bit to get closer, both of them shying away from James, who didn't mind in the slightest.

"We were just thinking that maybe we could just, you know, gloss over this or something." Thumper muttered awkwardly.

Sid seemed surprised, "Really?" Both men just nodded. Sid shrugged, "Got any conditions?"

"We just think maybe he needs a chaperone or something." Tox concluded.

Sid nodded, "Sure, but Callisto should still know." She scratched at her chin thoughtfully, and only after a horrified gasp from the men surrounding her did she realize it was with the hand that was still covered in fire, "Oh shit!" She hissed and shook out her hand and extinguished the fire leaving them in semi darkness since the light at the end of the tunnel was unobscured. She laughed a little at herself and looked over to a wide eyed James with a sheepish grimace, "Okay, well James, you have a few options here. I'm assuming that being down here was no accident, am I right?"

He nodded slowly, his eyes flickering to the men at her side.

"Ok, we get that, we really do," she began, "but obviously, no one knows you and you aren't willing to let anyone in on whatever happened to you — also totally fine." Then she frowned slightly, as if she were displeased with what she was about to say, "Fact is, you're a stranger and down here, these people don't like strangers. If you want to be in the tunnels, you'll need to have an escort, someone who can show you the ropes and keep you outta trouble."

He watched her features shift to something more serious before she continued.

"They have reason to distrust strangers, the world has not been kind to those who live here." She looked over to the two gentlemen at her side, "They'd be willing to let you be down here but you have to have someone with you, to establish trust."

"Who?" Was James' reply.

"I don't know." She replied weakly. "That's the problem, usually you have to be brought in by someone already within the community. We don't get a lot of walk-ins, if you can't tell."

Thumper chimed in, "You do it Sid."

Sid turned in confusion and scoffed, "Me? I'm only here half the time."

Tox interjected, "Yeah, but maybe that's good for right now. Maybe give him a, uh, transition time."

Thumper nodded vigorously, "Yeah, yeah, until you think we can trust him. Everyone around here knows you, knows that Callisto trusts you, they know you wouldn't do us wrong."

James just stood by, wondering if he needed to start running again.

Sid took in a deep breath, her eyes staring at the ground while she contemplated their words, "Well, you got a point."

"That's our condition then. He can be here when you are and when you trust him, we can trust him, and then he can stay." Tox finished, believing this was the best option for them all.

Sid turned to James, "Well, there are your options. Leave and never come back, or you can hang out with me topside, help the shelter I'm at, and I can probably get you a place to squat in exchange for some work while we garner some trust."

He tried to find a flaw in her reasoning, but other than the fact that he would need to make his presence known to more than just these three people, he was having a hard time figuring out a downside. If he was able to lose himself within the ranks of those abandoned by society, he could work towards fixing his malfunction — whatever it was.

"At the point Callisto, myself, and you feel comfortable, we can see what you want to do: come back here and live underground or there's resources topside if you want a life up there. It's your choice and no hard feelings either way," she sighed, "but if you decide to go on your own, the Morlocks will not be peaceful towards people in their tunnels that they cannot trust. You've seen what Tox can do and he's one of the nicer ones."

James snorted softly, another one of those moments of amusement where he actually enjoyed interacting with another person on a level other than killing. He didn't really have a choice at this point. He was hoping that his identity was still lost to the masses, and until such point where that changed, he'd need to have a plan in place in case he needed to hide. These tunnels seemed like the best option at the moment, until he could regain control over his thoughtless life.

"I agree." James added softly, doing his best to judge the reactions of the ones waiting for his answer.

"Peachy." Sid smiled and looked back over to Thumper and Tox who shrugged and nodded their assent. "We'll go talk to Callisto and then I'm gonna put you to work son." She chuckled at James and turned towards the tunnel, "Just stay close to me and if anyone asks you a question, try and skillfully evade it if you can't or won't answer it. You work with me now and I'm putting my trust in you."

"Ok." He muttered not really knowing what else to say.

Sid nodded and turned, looking to Tox and Thumper with a gentle smile on her face, and began to walk towards the light. James followed, sticking close to her side like she had requested. When they walked through the haze, they entered a tunnel that was three to five times as large as the offshoots he hid in. Breathlessly, he gazed around and took in the downtrodden citadel forged within the walls.

Small, simple structures were built using everyday materials like hardened newspapers and wire or milk crates lined with plastic and muck. It was a comely sort of wasteland, with people milling about and chatting, discussing trades, and requests for assistance. They seemed to communicate effectively, with warm smiles or affectionate grumping. There were many people, all entrenched with each other, circulating and surviving in this odd village.

Sid seemed to be a well known figure walking through the paths between huts. People reached out to ask something of her and she'd pause and listen, smiling and nodding and engaging with them. She was so involved with each person she passed, absorbing each word, each plea and taking mind to do something about it, the soldier found her enthusiasm, her care, absolutely exhausting.

No one really paid him much attention. Whenever a side-eye was glanced, Sid would sidestep the conversation and draw it back to her. At most, people would give him a curt nod in greeting, but not stopping to bother with anything else. It was not a cold reception, but maybe a knowing one, one of understanding.

For the first time in a long while, he felt almost at ease. His attention was not drawn to an objective other than himself. He knew that he had important people searching for him, but somehow, walking through the oddly well-lit tunnels, he could see that this was a good place to get lost. These people chose to be here when they had other options — albeit, terrible ones — that must mean that of all places, this was a hopeful alternative.

"I'm taking you to Callisto." Sid talked over her shoulder at him, "She's a very old and very dear friend."

"Is she the leader? The witch?" James questioned.

Sid snorted, "No, not the witch. The witch isn't even really a witch, she's a — never mind." As they threaded through a group of people, they approached one domicile that was just slightly bigger than the others, probably enough for two people instead of one. "Callisto is the oldest member of the Morlocks that's still around. She was the founder and once upon a time, our leader. She stepped back a while ago and helped this place become a haven instead of a gang. She's become more of a mentor to everyone down here since then."

"Understood." He nodded curtly.

"Don't worry, she loves me." Sid chuckled, glancing back at James and eyeing him and up down. He was exactly the type that Callisto would have chewed up and spat out when she was much, much younger. The smile spread and she nodded at James, "Seriously, this'll be great."

Somehow, her glee seemed ominous.

* * *

 _ **A/N  
Sorry for being a day late, I was quite sick this past week. Much thanks to my Beta reader who will remain anonymous until they decide otherwise. **_

_**I hope you'll come to enjoy Sid as much as I've enjoyed discovering who she is. If you have any questions about her please let me know - this is pretty much her Origin story so I wont likely reveal any spoilers (but I will clarify anything unintentionally confusing - yaaaaaay). She is agender/genderfluid but for those who know her well, she prefers she/her pronouns but has no real "connection" to either gender, she enjoys the freedom from it. Out in public with strangers, she will rarely correct someone who identifies her as a male, mostly because it remains convenient for her lifestyle. Some people from her past know her in her more masculine identity, some her more feminine one. She will explain it herself eventually, but mostly she prefers her anonymity.**_

 _ **I have most of this story written, but if you see anything that you feel like you'd want more info on, I'm pretty down for one-shots. Whether or not I'll be able to think of anything good to write is another story, but I'm willing. So just shoot me a PM or leave a comment. Either is fine.**_

 _ **Take care.**_


	4. Splintered

4 : Splintered

* * *

A few weeks had passed while James shadowed Sid. He was surprised at how much he liked her when it came down to it. She never once pushed him for answers — despite how many times she'd clumsily come into contact with his metal arm. She still showed no hesitation when she was around him. She was delicate with him, but not pedantic, empowering, but not overbearing. In so far, she not only treated him like a human, but more so as a friend.

He had kept his end of their bargain. He stayed with her anytime they went down into the tunnels, which she encouraged frequently, so the inhabitants could get to know him. It was an interesting experience, to be asked questions. Most of the time they were relatively meaningless preference-type questions that he had no answers to. No one asked him for explanations, they simply just moved on and talked to him about things in their lives. He realized just how integral Sid was to the entire place, judging by how they took to him so quickly.

Even at the shelter, he frequented there the most, helping out with random chores and keeping to himself, people were decent to him. He was surprised though, that topside, as Sid and the Morlocks called it, people were much more guarded, much more afraid. He supposed, over the years, he'd probably had a deep hand in that.

For the most part, Sid hung around the single shelter, but every so often she'd take herself somewhere else to help out. This specific place was special to her though, people knew her name and she had a hint of authority about her when she walked in. She tried to make it seem as if anywhere she helped out meant the same to her, but there was a distinct difference when he accompanied her outside the shelter and the tunnels.

When they went somewhere different to volunteer, it seemed as though she was barely even there. She was sweet with anyone she interacted with, but otherwise, she was quiet, only talking to him out of necessity or to ensure that he was doing fine. She seemed guarded and nervous outside her comfort zone, like the light had been sucked from her. When Sid was quiet, it usually was because she was thinking about something. Out there, it just seemed like she was empty. After that, he didn't bother going with her outside the normal haunts — she seemed so vastly different between the two worlds and it unnerved him.

Because he now had the option of enjoying people's company, he stuck around instead of fleeing. Sure, he had been given necessities, but he ended up finding comfort in Sid. She was either constantly yapping or completely internal, there was not much variance in between. Whatever she said, no matter how ridiculous, was deliberate. He appreciated that sort of candor. He was accustomed to working with one complete internal drive, but he had to admit he liked her duality. It was something he cautiously enjoyed.

Most nights when he finally needed rest, he'd crash at the shelter and she'd stay nearby. His difficulty in falling asleep, seemed to only be exacerbated by coming up to the surface, but she stayed with him most nights, talking with him and trying to keep him busy. She had a lot to say and he would follow her tangents as far as possible — though he was woefully inept at anything involving social interaction, which seemed to be one of her favorite topics. She'd talk and talk, not mentioning much, and her voice was so amazingly soothing. He'd find some peace in the cadence and drift off to sleep even if just for a few minutes.

He'd only stayed in the common sleeping area once without her, resulting in a particularly violent breakdown where he almost tore the kitchen apart. She had returned that night to try and calm him down. She somehow did it, though he couldn't remember how. His memory only cleared as he cleaned up the kitchen with shaking hands and he watched her walk away to make a phone call. It had scared him, to be honest, he thought that he'd ruined his one chance to get himself back together, but she just returned, jovial as ever, not a hint of malice in any inch of her body. It wasn't until a few hours later that he realized who she had called and why.

Evidently, Sid liked to point out, James suffered some severe trauma. He didn't have to talk about it, but one day he would need to, she insisted. The simple idea was repulsive to James, he had no want or need to discuss his past. Everything he did was a program, a manipulation that seeded itself so deeply within him, he believed in every aspect of his objective. He knew exactly what he was. He didn't need anyone else to try and figure it out for him. He was a monster, plain and simple.

But she insisted, if he wanted to be in the tunnels permanently she needed to be able to trust him with the lives of her friends. It was a surprising truth to James, believing that it couldn't be entirely worthwhile for her to even care about all of those people, but it was just another grim reminder that he was not like the rest of them. He was tainted.

Sid's insistence later came in the form of a brickish little mutt, about sixty pounds of affection wrapped in tawny fur on stubby legs. She wasn't the most elegant animal that James had ever seen, but she was undeniably charming. She was rather brutish looking when she posed herself with a stark white jaw that painted down her chest and left splattered boots on her paws. The dog was attentive to her surroundings, cautious and animated, but mostly, her mouth hung open with a huge tongue lolling to the side, smiling at everyone around. Aside from her appearance of a powerful canine, she had the disposition of an absolute sweetheart. It wasn't much of a leap for him to call her "Doll" and eventually the name just sort of stuck.

Thus, Sid had appropriated Dolly the dog through proper channels as something she called an emotional support animal. The words seemed hokey, but he warmed to the pit bull fairly quickly. She stuck by his side, just like Sid, and managed to get him through most days and nights without incident. He appreciated the silent company, something solid and comforting without being intrusive.

James noticed soon after that Sid started taking more steps back, allowing him more time on his own and trusting him with specific tasks. She'd come around during his off times from working in the kitchen and they'd shoot the shit and smoke a couple cigarettes — he had an odd affection for the things. He still found her conversation rather dizzying, but she didn't act like she expected him to listen. If something was important, she'd get his attention one way or another.

The last night he spent with her she talked about a war zone across the world with great sadness. He hadn't had the heart to tell her he'd been there before. From what he could remember, he was pretty integral in destabilizing the region itself some time ago. But the last thing he wanted her to see was that side of him, he didn't believe her knowing about his past would do any good. At some point, he would get himself together, get himself some funds, and begin his hunt for the people who took away his life. Eventually, he'd be leaving her behind and for some reason, he didn't want her to be connected to it. He didn't want her to become tainted, like him.

He was in the kitchen now, Dolly was laying in the corner, staying out of the way and gnawing on a bone from the butcher. Kellen, the squat fellow with skin like coffee grounds was shouting good naturedly at some of his other kitchen helpers — mostly teenagers — over the din of dinner prep.

Kellen was supervisor of the kitchen and usually the lead cook. All of the food that came out of the kitchen were his own recipes, multiplied into double digits to feed the multitudes of people each Friday night when they opened their doors to the public. The objective of the shelter was to home people in transition, to help those who wanted to get themselves more established, and to give people a fighting chance in this turbulent time. It was the busiest day of the week and James was spending his time with the inventory to get everything in order for the rest of the preparations.

"How long you had Dolly?" Kellen said in passing, edging forward to help James with the stock, "Couple'a weeks now?"

James replied shortly, "A little less." He remained stoic, as he usually did around anyone but Sid, and continued sorting produce.

Kellen grinned wide as he was an overly cheerful man. Not bad by any means, but he had enough exuberance for about ten people and it drained James most days, "How about you and Sid? She's pretty special." He added with a bigger smile.

James froze for a moment, completely caught off guard by the absurdity of the question. Sid was a means to an end. She just happened to be a decent person that he didn't mind being around so much. It made it both easier and harder to complete his task. "She's a friend." He said it for his cover, but it didn't taste false on his tongue.

Kellen let out a disparaging chuckle, one full of some wisdom he would no doubt impart on James, "I remember when my wife and I were _just friends_."

A small smile ticked James's lips as he thought about Sid. This particular moment of clarity allowed him to realize how she had been a staple in his feeble stability. He shook off the thought and continued to stack and organize the inventory, clearing as much space as he could for the new delivery in the morning, "Only friends."

"I'm just saying," Kellen raised his hands in mock defense, "kid like that keep you on your toes for the rest of your life." James let out a rueful chuckle at that and Kellen excused himself when he heard someone yelling outside the fridge.

James didn't think of Sid in that way, though he did appreciate her company as he'd dealt with much, much worse. But he had seen people come in and out of the shelter — families, lovers, and friends — even the notion seemed painfully foreign to him. Those sort of close knit, affectionate connections were fleeting. His life didn't have a limit on it, it had a price that he was sure to pay. Tomorrow or a decade from now, his life would end and at this point he just wanted to tear down as much as possible before it took him. But first, he needed cover, he needed access to the tunnels, and he needed resources that were no longer anchored to Hydra.

He was surprised by the cool sense of dread that tingled up his spine. The idea of being alone again, of having nothing but those swirling fragments swimming around in his skull was sobering.

There was a slight nudge against his leg and the sudden weight jostled him out of the haunting thoughts. Dolly was leaned up against him, gazing up at him like he was made of spun gold. Really, she probably just wanted a carrot.

He reached down to pat her on the head when he heard a soft sound behind him, a reprimanding _tsk_. He paused his reach and turned, his eyes surveying the familiar, clunky boots fitted to dainty ankles and traveling up long legs clad in ratty jeans. He followed up the line of her legs where she was slanted against the opening of the fridge, finally finding the face he'd managed to miss over the last few hours.

"Hey." He gave her his most winning smirk, which truly wasn't so winning.

She gave him a chiding sort of scowl, a warmth he didn't know was absent returned to his limbs, "Your hands are clean, you can't touch the dog then touch the produce."

"I can wash my hands again." He stated simply.

"Wasting my time and yours." She grunted, looking annoyed. She knelt, opening her arms for Dolly's chunky frame, "Hello princess, come to mama!" She sang and Dolly waggled over to her, her entire form thrown into her fit of happiness.

"So you get to pet the dogs and I don't?" James asked, playing hurt.

Sid looked up at him, smiling, "You're the grunt, I'm the brains." She shrugged and then twisted her features to give herself an older, strained look. Her voice changed too, attempting to mimmic that of a man, "You just stick to the heavy liftin' pal, don't you worry about my plans."

A smile escaped, even though he wasn't sure who she was impersonating. He simply shrugged in response and turned back to the boxes.

"What, you don't like De Niro?" She said while standing, sounding genuinely insulted while Dolly threaded through her legs.

He only responded with another shrug.

"Shit." She sounded upset, placing stern hands on her hips, "I know you got some epic DLC type backstory, but please tell me you've seen _Goodfellas_."

Another noncommittal gesture was his only response.

She groaned heavily, as if this new knowledge weighed too much for her to bear, "Ok, movie night after dinner. I got myself a collection." She got up in his face, adamant about it, "No excuses, ok? Mandatory friendship time."

He couldn't stop this new smile that spread across his lips as his eyes went soft and caressed her features, "You gonna convince me sweetheart?"

The slow drawl of his tone caught them both by surprise. James froze up, his brain doing a full reboot while he tried to place that voice and those words that crossed his lips. They seemed painfully alien on his tongue.

Sid recovered easily enough, swiping the lust off of her face while she stared at the floor and shuffled her feet. She cleared her throat, "Nice try there, Casanova." She clapped him on the shoulder in a forced, brotherly way and tried not to grimace at him while stewing in her own awkwardness. That look on his face, his voice, his entire countenance was transformed with those few words. She allowed herself a stiff chuckle, "That might work on —," she paused briefly, realizing that with that package, body cut like a diamond and that classic face, he was pretty slick looking for a homeless guy so she finished a bit bitterly, "probably whoever the hell you want it to…"

He turned away sharply with that dark empty look back on his face and Sid felt her heart wither at his unease.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **DLC = Downloadable Content for the non-nerds who may be reading. A lot of times you may come across a side character in a game and they seem mysterious or they might just be genuinely interesting but you don't get enough time with them to discover how they came to be who they are. Sometimes, when game manufacturers are nice to people, they'll later release a DLC which is an add on for the game where you get to play something out that enhances or supplements the experience.**_

 _ **Hello everyone,**_

 _ **Sorry again about the late post. I got sick again. Boo. I don't think there's much to update anyone on. Any questions, feel free to ask.**_

 _ **Thanks again to my wonderful Beta from AO3,**_ ** _Lmere._**


	5. No Crime in Being Kind

5 : No Crime in Being Kind

* * *

Sid exhaled softly after Bucky turned away, feeling guilty for somehow pulling that charm out of him despite probably not being ready for that kind of banter. "I'll see you at dinner, yeah?" She shouted after him, but he only nodded and she high tailed it out of the kitchen with as much decency as she could muster.

She hated the idea that she pushed him into friendship, though she joked about it often. Sid felt a little bad, but when she first met him, he just looked so lost and he seemed like he needed someone. She just wanted to reach out to him, help him find some balance. So many people, with varying levels of personal trauma were able to recover, so she thought he at least deserved a chance. With him, sometimes the all-day struggle against his cold shoulder became worth it after just a tiny smirk on his lips.

Slowly but surely, he looked like he was gaining traction, getting his stance back. His gaze was less muddled and those infinitesimal twitches of a smile seemed to be more frequent. She'd seen a lot of misery in her day, but there was something almost offensive about how closed off he was to the world. She didn't begrudge him that, it just hurt her to see him so squandered.

Sid had slowly been giving him more freedom, trying to make him feel like he was part of a community instead of her ward. So she let him have his peace and his space. In the past few weeks, she had helped him get acclimated to the shelter. During his breaks, she did her best to talk with him as much as possible. She hated hearing herself go off like that, but sometimes it seemed like he just wanted to listen, so she simply obliged. When he ever did need to converse with another member of the human race, she was surprised by his ability to be adaptable. It didn't happen often, but every once and while, Sid would see a smidgen of charm peek through.

James was also pretty steadfast in his work. He was always on task and seemed to find solitude in the focus. She knew that for him, he needed the work to help keep him together. He was useful all over because of his strength and general attitude about doing things without needing to be asked twice. An older Indian shelter employee became one of his biggest fans because he spoke Hindi with her(at least that was Sid's best guess to the language). She envied that focus he had, but only because in her experience, getting active while she was depressed was not only physically implausible but downright reprehensible.

She wandered around for a bit, trying to do her best to talk to just about everyone who started to fill in. Being somewhat of a mascot at Halloram Shelter in Manhattan, she'd been working there for just over two years now at the behest of the owner. She'd always had a way with people and kids, so she was considered the welcome committee and the foremost witness to a lot of the personal aftermath from the destruction in the North Eastern states.

These days, things were pretty intense and the shelter needed as much help as they could get. Despite efforts in New York, the incident in DC seemed to rip all known hope up from the roots. With so many people displaced and so many homes and jobs destroyed, it was up to a lot of shelters and open buildings to make it all come together. Luckily enough, with all of the clean up and containment necessary to put New York back together there were tons of short term jobs that could earn someone a decent pay to get back on their feet. The incident in New York pulled the city together as citizens, united by tragic loss and emboldened by desperation.

The world was in a constant state of distrust. Panic and disorder seemed to flood in the streets as most people no longer trusted their neighbor and least of all, authority figures. Though America did its best to keep up its reputation as the greatest nation in the world, it was a weary time to be alive. Citizens were scared. It wasn't just about "us" versus some mythological entity thousands of miles away — now there were mutants and aliens and super humans living right next door and any information SHIELD and Hydra had on them was now of public record. It wasn't a struggle of race or identity as much as a battle for survival that too many people took too seriously. It was a dangerous time to be anything right now — the world was devoid of trust.

She was an odd middleman to the entire situation. Unlike the Morlocks, she was capable of living and functioning above ground. She didn't want to hide from the world, she wanted to experience it in every way possible. Aside from the tunnels, Halloram Shelter was probably the closest thing she had to a home for a long time now. It had become a haven for her in times of need. She liked volunteering there and helping people out when she could. She knew the other workers and almost all of the people who flowed in and out, but there was always something _off_. Home was a very difficult concept for her to truly grasp.

She'd been traveling before the attack on New York and the destruction pulled her back to her original city. She needed to be of service. Now she saw so many faces, so many lost souls irrevocably changed by these events. It was jarring. She did her best to aid when she could, but it never felt like enough. Not ever.

As she began gathering table settings for the dining hall, she spotted a woman and a middle schooler who looked particularly bewildered walking in.

Sid shot them a timid smile, vividly remembering how she had felt the first time she walked into somewhere asking for help with nothing to offer in return. She made her way over to them and tried her best not to pick them apart right away. She had a knack for empathizing with people, but she always did her best to keep her fat mouth shut with her personal opinion. Simply because she _thought_ she knew their story, it never gave her the right to speak about it. Now, she took her time and allowed people to open up to her if they needed it.

The woman had a tight arm around her daughter and she looked to be ready to bolt. She was slight in frame and stature, and her daughter who looked to be no more than ten or so came up under her chin. Both of them looked very, very scared.

"You guys here for dinner?" Sid said, reaching out a hand.

The woman looked hesitant, smiling tightly and reaching out a small, shaking hand, "Yes, thank you. W-we don't want to be too much trouble…"

Sid just smiled and waved her off, "Perish the thought. We're here to help. Why don't you come on over here and grab a seat?" She showed them over to a table, "I'm Sid by the way, technical welcome wagon."

The woman nodded, her daughter still held close, "I'm Beth and this is Izzy."

"Hey Izzy, I'm Sid. You like meatloaf?" Sid sat down on the bench of the table nearby and gave them a winning smile, "Our cook Kellen makes a great meatloaf. I hated the stuff until I tried his."

Izzy gave her a very soft smile and nodded, her mother looking down with tears in her eyes, watching the glimpse of a grin on her daughter's face. "Her grandmother used to make a great meatloaf," Beth said, her voice strained, "we used to love it."

Sid nodded in understanding. Loss could be devastating, but it didn't look like loss was the motivating factor. She moved from her seat to crouch down to Izzy's height, "I've got a friend back there I think you'll like to meet. Give me a minute?"

Izzy nodded and Sid looked up at Beth for an answer and Beth nodded too. Sid darted back to the kitchen and overtly stole Dolly from James and brought her out to the girl. Beth's eyes widened to a painful degree, but Sid pointed to the harness Dolly had around her barrel chest which labeled her as a service animal.

"This here is Dolly, she's my friend's pet, but she's always up for making _new_ friends." Sid smiled, "You like dogs, Izzy?"

Izzy's eyes were wide and excited. Her hands were in front of her mouth, like she might have been nibbling on the wrists of her sweater in glee. Izzy looked up at her mom who gave her the okay and nodded emphatically to Sid who just grinned in response, gesturing for the girl to sit down. She took Dolly off her leash and the dog sidled up to little Izzy and leaned her weight on the stick legs of the pre-teen. Beth gave a silent thanks to Sid and sat down with her.

"So is there anything that you need? Toiletries? Clothes?" Sid gestured towards the now giggling little girl, sitting on the floor and getting full face licks from Dolly's adept tongue.

Beth stared at her daughter, an insurmountable sadness on her features as she watched her child be happy in the moment. When she looked back at Sid, she shook her head, sipping on the coffee Sid had waved over, "No, I-I think we're okay."

Sid nodded, giving her a soft look, "You know, we're here for everyone. No matter what reasons you have for coming here. We don't judge as long as people are safe."

Beth sipped her coffee with a shaky hand, "And it is here? — Safe, I mean…"

Sid nodded, "Safe as any place I've been and I've been around." She sat forward slightly, lowering her voice, "I am not prying and if you don't want to talk you don't have to, but we provide room and board to a lot of people. I can see if we have something private for tonight, for you and Izzy." She glanced over at the girl who was petting an upturned Dolly's tummy, "If you talk to Jasmine, she can help you find some resources if you need or want them. As for safety, we can only protect you against what we know about." She leveled a serious stare at Beth for the moment, "Like I said, I'm not prying, you don't have to tell me the entire story, but we can only help if we know how. Is there anything you're comfortable with telling me?"

Beth sighed heavily, glancing around to make sure everyone else seemed preoccupied as they filed through the buffet line for food. She glanced back at Sid and bit her lip, pulling down the neck of her jacket and shirt to showcase the deep bruises that littered her shoulder and appeared to creep down her chest. "I had enough. It crossed a line." She shrugged her clothes back into place with a grimace.

Sid nodded, "Have you reported it?"

She shook her head, "No."

Sid nodded again, a little less enthusiastic, "May I ask why?"

Beth looked down, dropping her head, "Because he's the type of person you report it to."

Sid frowned hard. Wrath pooled in her stomach and she grit her teeth against the rage welling up inside of her. She nodded again and shifted, trying to lighten the situation, "We have an officer who strolls by some nights. He's a good man, honorable cop, and takes his job seriously. I'll talk to Jasmine, you can have room and board for however long you need it. Jasmine can help you get some footing. It might be wise — if you aren't planning on reporting it — to at least tell them, so they can watch out for you and put you into contact with people who can help."

Beth nodded slowly, reaching out a shaking hand to grab her cup.

Sid gave Beth a restrained smile, too afraid that her anger might seep out and affect Beth. She stood slowly, "I'll grab you guys some plates, all right?" She said it loudly enough for Izzy to hear, "Go on and wash up and your food will be out here when you're done." She shot them another smile and went to turn for the kitchen when Beth grabbed her arm.

Izzy had stood up and made her way over to her mother and Beth was staring at Sid with a hopeful desperation as she whispered, "Thank you."

Sid nodded and patted her hand with sincerity, "You're welcome."

Beth nodded and Sid directed them towards the bathroom so they could freshen up. She made her way back into the kitchen with huffy rage, where she found Kellen leaning conspiratorially towards James and slipping him a chocolate bar. James pocketed the bar like it was drug paraphernalia and Sid froze for a second, watching this confection exchange. All she could do was laugh as she made her way towards them.

"You're sharing that with me later." She chuckled as she nudged James in the shoulder.

"That was the plan." He gave her a tight smile. It was a little obvious that he wasn't completely put back together since their last conversation and she felt a little bad for invading his space. She took a step back and glanced at Kellen who was staring at them with hearts in his eyes. She sighed heavily and waved the wonderful old man off.

"Mind helping me with a couple plates for some new arrivals?" She asked James and he nodded. "Thanks." She muttered awkwardly around the shift in her gut and made her way to the buffet line.

He followed and she loaded up plates, both too concerned with their own thoughts. Sid made sure that Beth and Izzy would both get a good amount of food in them. They looked pretty rumpled but not completely out of sorts, maybe like they had been traveling the past few days. She knew that feeling and whether planned or unplanned, traveling always took a lot of energy out of a person. Add it onto what Beth and Izzy were already dealing with and she was surprised they hadn't been run over by it.

"I made some new friends, so they'll sit with us." Sid mentioned once the plates were full and resting along her arms, "I know you don't like tons of new people, but, well, they kind of need the company."

James just nodded, tightening his jaw in thought.

"Maybe tone down the beefcake thing, if you could." She gave him a weary smile.

He looked down at himself, confused. He was just in a tattered jacket, t shirt, and jeans, a glove on one of his hands. He looked back up at Sid in utter confusion, "Beefcake?"

Sid chuckled nervously and turned away from him, walking back towards the table to put the place settings down. He followed, unperturbed and sat across from her, digging into his meal while Sid waited patiently for the others to come back.

He paid most of his attention to his food, but he caught Sid's features softening, looking towards the edge of the hall. He followed her gaze and saw the woman and child, huddled together and walking back to the table. He noticed how guarded they were, how the older woman's eyes shifted over the expanse of the room constantly. She was cagey and scared and was walking oddly as she draped around her daughter. The way she held herself, shielding her daughter, was taut and guarded, flinching every so often when her steps didn't land quite right. She'd been hit and hit hard very recently — only someone she trusted could cause that much fear. For a moment he felt his blood boil.

They sat at the table, eyeing James speculatively. "Beth and Izzy," Sid introduced him, "this is my friend James. He's Dolly's owner and he doesn't talk much, but he's real nice."

James stared up at them blankly, blinking back his previous emotions and then turning down to face his plate.

Beth nodded nervously before sitting down and beginning to pick at her food. Izzy however was just blatantly staring at James while he shoveled food into his mouth. Sid was doing her best to eat and not laugh, but it didn't take long for James to notice her shoulders shaking. He looked up at her curiously and she closed her eyes and put her hand over her mouth while he narrowed his eyes at her in speculation. He looked around and finally noticed the little girl staring at him with her mouth gaping. She didn't look afraid, like her mother, she just looked joyfully intrigued.

"Why do you have long hair?" The young girl blurted out.

"Isabella!" Beth hissed in admonition.

"It's _pretty_ long hair, not ugly. I didn't say he was _ugly_ I just wanted to know about his hair!" Izzy replied in a tone full of sass and Beth scowled at her.

James cleared his throat, "Haven't seen the need for cutting it." He shoveled some more food in.

Beth nodded to James, a small nervous smile on her face and then turned back to her daughter, "Let him finish his food Izzy, okay? You need to eat too."

Izzy picked up her fork and speared and chunk of meatloaf. She placed in her mouth and chewed seriously, watching James continue to eat at a back-breaking pace. She finished her bite and her eyes sparkled for a moment — a new question in her mind, "You're really big, do you beat people up too?"

" _Izzy!_ " Beth sounded appalled as she dropped her utensils with a clatter, "Izzy you can't _say_ those things!" Izzy recoiled at her mother's shrill voice and Beth visibly cringed at the tone she used with her daughter. After a moment, Beth seemed to settle before she spoke again, "I'm sorry I shouted, but you can't ask people things like that." She finished this sentence with an edgy look towards Sid and James who were covering a smile and giving a confused scowl, respectively.

"Well, can I ask about the glove?" Izzy whispered to her mother in the only way children know how: loudly.

Beth thunked her head on the table in exhaustion. She turned her head and sighed, smiling at her daughter in the way only a loving, but exhausted mother can.

"How about we get through dinner and you can ask whatever questions you want." Sid interjected.

Izzy practically illuminated, "I can!?"

"She can?" James added with much less vigor.

"Anything." Sid nodded and Izzy dug into her meal with a fervor. Sid leaned over to James with a smile, "I didn't say we'd answer honestly. Just make something up," she whispered, "kids love that shit."

James gave a rueful chuckle and went back to finishing his overloaded plate.

* * *

 _ **Heeeeeeeeeey Look at me! I actually posted on time! Nothing to report. My life isn't that exciting. I just forget things and get sick a lot. Thanks again to Lmere, my beta. My story would probably only make sense to me if she didn't help!**_


	6. A Cold and Stormy White Winter Knight

6 : A Cold and Stormy White Winter Knight

* * *

Long after dinner and a rousing round of twenty ridiculous questions with a ten year-old that Sid had turned into something fantastical and full of quarter-truths, Beth and Izzy were resting comfortably in one of the secure rooms. Sid and James had finished _Goodfellas_ and had fallen asleep on the couch. What had started as two friends, sharing a couch with equal space to each other, soon resulted in a contorting Sid trying to get comfortable. Sid was a wild sleeper to say the least and ended up cuddled up right next to James, using his metal arm as the most uncomfortable pillow known to mankind. He had fretted for a while with her being so close, but had eventually gotten used to her restlessness. Eventually, she settled into a half-diagonal laying position which ended up with her slumbering peacefully, face to elbow with his arm. She had fallen asleep during the film, obviously tired from her full day. James had followed a little bit after, comforted by her presence despite the violent film onscreen.

He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until he heard the pounding on the door. He gasped awake and felt the soft licks of Dolly's tongue on his hand when he tried to reach for a weapon that wasn't there. She was cuddled up to his other side, her head on his lap. He exhaled deeply and rubbed her head for a moment, until the pounding started again and this time it woke up Sid.

She sat up abruptly, her pony tail askew as she blinked her eyes and tested the dryness of her mouth, "What?" She rasped.

"The door." He grumbled, using a free hand to wipe down his face. "Someone is at the door."

Sid nodded and yawned, extracting herself from her delicate position, not noticing how entwined she had been with her new friend. She stood up and yanked all her clothing into the right place while glancing at the clock on the wall. Glancing back at James whose head had lolled back, she was bitter to see that he was instantly asleep again.

"What the hell man?" She grumbled, scratching at her backside as she moved towards the entrance.

She opened the door slowly with another yawn, her eyes opening and closing sleepily, "How can I help you?" Her eyes focused and realized the man in front of her was wearing a police uniform and doing so very, very well. But it wasn't Jayson, the usual guy or any of the others she knew from the local precinct. The stench of whiskey floating off of him didn't help her confusion. "…Officer." She added a little late, suspicion crinkling along her spine, standing her up straight as she tried to wake herself up.

"I'm looking for some people and heard this place might be able to help." He smiled and pointed to the shield clipped on his chest.

Sid leaned against the door, smiling with her full charm, "Absolutely. I'll do what I can, sir."

He nodded and pulled out his notebook, "I'm looking for someone connected to a missing persons or possible abduction. Any new tenants here tonight?"

Sid frowned in faux concentration, "Tonight is Friday, we feed anyone who comes in. Nine times out of ten, they're all new, especially with the city how it is."

He nodded, checking his notes, "What about women? Children?"

Sid nodded, playing thoughtful, "Uh yeah, we get some families in sometimes. Maybe ten or so tonight? If you know who you're looking for or have a picture, I might be able to help more. Names would be even better."

He smiled a very winning smile, "Names are confidential, but I can give you a description."

Sid nodded hiding her alarm, "Sure, that might help, but no guarantees."

"The woman is a brunette with long hair, early thirties, and about 5'2". She's pretty skinny looking and was probably acting a little jumpy," he started and flipped through some pages, "the girl has blonde hair, she's about eleven years old, has the same sort of frail build as her mother, but is about here." He motioned to where a child would come up to his upper abdomen.

Sid nodded, still wedging herself in the slot of the open door, doing her best to block him from looking in, "Don't think I've seen them today — but they could have been by in the last few weeks when I wasn't here."

She noticed that the smile on his face became severely strained, his eyes were detached and he had the sort of silent countenance of someone who held back an incalculable rage. "You mind if I take a look around?"

Sid smiled sweetly, nervousness seeping out of her pores, "I do in fact. This place doesn't belong to me and the manager is gone for the night. Usually we are on complete lock down at night, unless there's an emergency —,"

"And a kidnapped kid isn't an emergency?" He insisted, his voice going cold.

"As much as I want to help, this is a privately funded shelter. These people have rights and your description could match just about anyone. I need specifics or I need a warrant to allow you in here. You can contact Sergeant Jayson Shoeffield at Midtown South, he's one of the head officers of the area and works with the shelter." Sid replied, her voice catching an edge. She watched him for a moment, composing himself. _Everything_ seemed wrong about this cop and she wouldn't let him inside if he offered her his weight in gold — which would be a lot, cause he was _big._

His smile twitched this time and he moved so fast that Sid didn't have time to react. His hand was around her throat in an instant and he pulled her outside with a yank that made her dizzy. She was gasping for air as he tugged her out onto the patio and threw her down the steps leading up to the porch. She landed face down, all of the air rushing out of her lungs as she struggled for purchase.

He was almost on her now, a mean streak unleashed as his features darkened and rage took over.

There was a small squeak from the entrance and both he and Sid glanced back to see Izzy hiding behind a half open door.

"Iz!" He shouted and turned towards the stairs.

"Shut the door!" Sid screamed as she kicked out at the man and he stumbled, cursing with a righteous fury. He slammed his fist into the side of her knee, ripping a crack and a scream from her. The scream must have scared Izzy enough because she let out a tiny yelp as the man Sid assumed was her father started to run at her. She slammed the door in his face and locked it and he let out a ferocious stream of growling curses, pounding on the door with his meaty fists.

"Let me in!" He growled again, his fist hitting the door with such force it could splinter at any moment. "Damn it Isabella, you open this door for your father right _now_!" He shouted, pounding away at the wood for a few beats. He stopped himself, breathing heavily as he turned and refocused on Sid who was still trying to get to her feet with tears in her eyes. "You dumb wetback bitch." He grunted like a neanderthal and stomped his way towards her.

Now was not the time for an ethnicity lesson, so Sid got to her feet just as he reached her. She put up her hands to guard herself, but he slapped them away like a tsunami would a dandelion.

She yelped slightly as he gripped her neck again, digging his fingers into her throat, "The real cops are coming soon. Either leave or you'll get arrested." She rasped.

He laughed in her face, a disrespectful, disgusted sneer, "I _am_ the police you dumb cunt."

Sid laughed against his hold, leaning in and staring him down, "Yeah," she chuckled sarcastically, "you a real cop. Real cops ain't supposed beat on their wives and kids."

He hit her for that. A big meaty fist collided with her jaw and made her see stars. He tossed her to the ground and she lifted her hands in a weak attempt to block his fists, but they started flying fast, hitting her in the gut and ribs and robbing her of air and sense.

"You fucking bitch!" He growled and pummeled her again. "You've got no right!" He sounded desperate, unhinged.

Sid would have liked to reply with something witty, but she was doing her best not to choke on her own blood.

He lifted his hand again as he gripped the collar of her sweater, aiming for her face this time. She closed her eyes, mentally bracing herself for the hit. She'd been hit before. She'd been beaten worse than this. She could take it. As long as it wasn't the little girl.

But nothing came.

Well, nothing except for an absolutely agonizing scream.

She opened her eyes just as he dropped her. After smacking her head against the ground, she finally focused in and saw James, standing behind the abuser, his gloved hand gripping the man's wrist and twisting it at a horrible angle, hyper-extending all the joints in the arm within his dangerous grasp. James's other hand was gripping the man's shoulder, holding him in a position that twisted his body to the brink of its flexibility. James's breathing was hardly affected as he overpowered a man who had quite a few inches on him; his face a picture of steely serenity.

Sid took the opportunity of the officer's impending doom and scrambled away on her hands and knees until she got enough distance from his fists. She got to her feet, crouched over and gripping her side and was sure that her ribs were _at least_ bruised. Thankfully, she could stand, but her knee hurt like hell. She was breathing heavily and she had to spit out another mouthful of blood before she was able to speak.

"Let go of me you piece of trash." The officer growled as he tried to turn in the arm lock, but James easily side stepped him, "I will ruin this goddamned place!" The man was obviously losing all sense of logical thought while rage over took him. He twisted in James's grip and swung wildly, trying to strike his opponent, "I swear, I'm gonna kill you and then I'll gut that dumb bitch —," but his sentence was cut off by a sickening snap and a guttural howl of pain.

James had wrenched the officer's shoulder from the socket at the same time he snapped the officer's wrist. The man crumpled to the ground, now with tears streaming down his face. James grabbed the man's other shoulder and flipped him onto his back, planting his boot across the man's hyoid.

"I don't like bullies." James growled with a distinct wildness in his eyes, twisting his boot to cut off the man's air. James stayed still, his power absolute as the man thrashed beneath his boot, wildly swinging at James's legs and trying to wriggle from beneath him. He may as well have been a mouse trying to escape from a steel trap.

"James!" Sid yelled, using a voice that was commanding and firm, finally catching enough breath to do so. She winced from the effort, but it was enough to snap James out of whatever tirade he was on. "James, don't hurt him anymore."

James nodded as the man went limp, passing out from lack of oxygen. James removed his boot, stalking over to Sid and grabbing her arm gingerly, but with a specific sort of determination. "Let's go."

Sid shook her head, breathing heavily and spitting out more blood, "We can't just leave, you assaulted a police officer."

"Who just happened to be assaulting someone else." He growled and tugged her towards the street, "He's lucky." He spat as he glanced back at the once sobbing wreck of an officer.

Sid gathered all of her strength and tried to yank her arm out of his grasp, it didn't do much, other than cause her horrid pain. But it did accomplish the feat of making him pause and glare at her, "We _can't_ leave. He's here. If he wakes up and we're gone, Beth and Izzy are left unprotected."

James smirked, "I'm pretty sure he'll be out of commission for a while. A little hard to beat on a woman when your dominant arm has shattered joints."

Sid let out a light nervous chuckle which turned into a severe groan. Then something struck her and she lit up, "I've got an idea." She rasped and gently tugged away the arm in his grip.

He rolled his eyes and let go, following her back towards the house. She knocked on the door, "Izzy, let me in and go get your mom." She turned back towards James, "Can you, uh, incapacitate him so he cant get up?"

James smirked, "My pleasure."

As he tried to stalk away, Sid realized her error of wording and yelped, grasping frantically at his sweater, "I mean like tie his shoes together or something, not break anything else!"

James gave her a flirtatious sort of grin, "Why you gotta ruin all the fun, doll?"

There was that face again, the one that looked so different from normal James. She just gave him a depreciating smile and chuckled at him. The door opened and Izzy stood behind it as Beth was running down the stairs.

"I heard him, I thought I was dreaming but I _heard_ him — IZZY!" She screamed, making her way haphazardly down the steps.

Izzy was chewing on her sleeve again, shaking slightly. "M-Mom…"

Beth reached her daughter, checking her over with that keen mother's eye, her frantic hands ghosting over every part of her body, delicately touching Izzy's side, making the girl flinch. Sid sighed when the realization struck her. Dad finally lost it and beat the kid and the mom had enough. Now good ol'dad was lying in the front yard of a homeless shelter with what would be more broken extremities if James had his way.

"Beth," Sid started, her breathing labored, "we need to get out of here."

"Wh — Sid, what happened?" Beth asked, her entire face painted with remorse and shame, "Oh my god, did he —? I'm so sorry!" She sobbed, sinking her face into her hands, "I'm so sorry."

Sid exhaled heavily, limping over to Beth and Izzy, "Beth, listen to me. This is important." She grabbed Beth's hands and pulled them down firmly, but not threateningly, "Listen, I need you to call Jayson Shoefield, he's at Midtown South. Call him, tell him everything, report the abuse. He will come and get you and bring someone else to take your husband into custody."

"W-what about you?" Beth replied.

Sid shook her head, "You tell them he came in pounding on the door and threatening people, tell them your husband attacked one of our residents who lost it on him and took him down. Tell them, the man that attacked your husband ran off and no one knew who he was — h-he was just an old guy, probably a vet, that decided to stay the night after dinner. No one had ever seen him before."

"Okay." Beth nodded in shock, her mouth flapping open and shut, "Okay, okay."

Sid smiled weakly, "We got to get out of here though, me and James here need to lay low."

Beth grimaced, "I'm so sorry."

Sid grabbed Beth's shoulders, despite the pain that rippled through her, "You don't apologize for anything, you understand?" She practically growled, "The only thing you need to do is call Jayson and stay the hell away from your soon to be ex-husband. You do that for her." Sid said, pointing towards Izzy who was standing slightly behind them, shaking and biting her sleeve.

Beth nodded a sudden determination in the set of her jaw, "Okay. I'll call Jayson. I'll tell him it was an old guy we've never seen before." She shook herself, regaining control, "Okay. Is there anything I can do?"

Sid shook her head, "I got someplace to go. Don't you worry about us."

Beth reached out and placed a gentle hand on Sid's shoulder, "Thank you."

Sid nodded, "Call Jayson, take Dolly and Izzy and lock yourself in the office down the hall on the left — Jayson's number should be in the directory on the desk."

"All right." She replied and then she glanced over Sid's shoulder, stone cold fear in her eyes.

Sid turned and saw James, standing in the doorway and looking outright villainous, backlit into an ominous silhouette. She hadn't really understood just how imposing the man could be, but facing him now, while he clenched his fists, his muscles shifting beneath his sweater. He was downright terrifying if he wanted to be.

"He's handled." James said stonily, the only indication of emotion was the slightest twitch in his cheek.

Sid nodded, "Okay, we need —,"

Sid was silenced as a blur shot past her, a frilly nightgown flowing in the wind as Izzy threw herself at James. The child's arms locked around his waist and he froze, his eyes wide in what looked like fear as she held him.

"I couldn't help." Izzy sobbed as she squeezed him tight, "I couldn't do anything, but you did. You helped Sid when I couldn't." Her tiny voice shook fretfully, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Sid took a step forward, but James twitched his hand to stop her. He pulled the girl from him as delicately as he could and he knelt down so he could look her in the eyes, "No one deserves to be treated like that, doll," he ticked her chin with his knuckle gently, his eyes soft and his face kind again, "I was just —," he paused, seeming lost in his own thoughts, "doing what's right." He finished, not quite sure what his words even meant.

She only whined again and threw arms around his neck, squeezing him as tight as possible through her sobs. He slowly reached up and patted her back, unsure of what else he could do.

Beth moved slowly over to her child and pulled her from him, "Thank you." She stared directly into his eyes as she said it, her words filled with true respect as she hugged her daughter close and then they made their way into the office with the lockable door.

Sid gave him a soft smile and reached into her pocket, "Let's get down to the tunnels." She grimaced, "I need to heal and I can't do it here."

He nodded and stood as she put her ear to the phone in her hand. They walked outside, Sid shuffling a little pathetically at his side as she talked on the phone, informing the manager of what "happened" at the shelter and to get there immediately to handle the police. Sid gave the excuse that she had an emergency with some friends and was needed elsewhere. As they hobbled down the walkway, she left the phone in the mailbox.

They managed to get to the tunnels without incident. By the time Sid finally felt safe, she was leaning fully on James now, using him as her crutch, but refusing to be carried. After shuffling a bit longer into the darkness, to make sure no one would come from either direction, she finally crumpled to the floor with a hiss of pain. James helped her down and knelt next to her in the complete darkness until she pulled something out of her pocket and flicked it open. Her hand was suddenly engulfed in flames and the sight _still_ caused James to recoil in fear.

Breathing heavily she flicked her wrist and the flames shot out to the sides of the tunnel and caught the torches hanging on the walls.

"Okay, don't freak out, but after I heal myself, I'm probably gonna pass out." She hissed while removing her jacket.

James leaned forward, assisting her, "Why?"

She smiled ruefully, "Honestly? The damn process for injuries like this kicks my ass. Healing other people isn't so bad when I'm in full health, but once I'm injured, healing sucks — doing it for myself is even worse. It's like I'm sapping the energy that I'm trying to fix."

"That seems counterproductive." James added, helping her with her other arm.

She spat some more blood, "I'm used to it, but don't be a dick."

She watched his mouth slant in a grin as he spoke, "Save your strength."

Sid nodded gritting her teeth, "Yeah, shut up, I need to concentrate."

James nodded and sat back, watching as Sid closed her eyes. She reached up one hand, placing her palm over the center of her chest and the other one moved slowly to settle over the place right between her eye brows. She inhaled sharply and exhaled repeatedly, taking her time until her entire body went stiff, arcing forward as she let out a scream that tore through the tunnels, seeming to echo for miles. James sat patiently, observing her curiously while her body seized up.

It finished as quickly as it started and she slumped against the tunnel wall, her breathing even despite her unconsciousness. He reached out slowly and conducted his own assessment. He wiped away blood to expose fresh skin and he inspected her torso and knee for bruises that were no longer there. He removed his own jacket to lay her down on the dirt floor, brushing hair out of her bloodied face.

He cursed himself sharply, he should have gotten there sooner. The nightmare he'd been having camouflaged the soundscape of reality and if it weren't for the little girl waking him up in terror, he would have ignored the fight outside completely as he lived out the one inside his head. He had grown complacent and become lax and now Sid had been harmed. He made a conscious decision to protect her from then on — or at least however long he could manage to stay with her. She was providing aid until he could complete his mission. Whatever it was.

He stared down at her, peacefully asleep despite the blood that marred her healed features. She looked too innocent to be dragged into something dirty like this.

He exhaled heavily and looked around, knowing he should stay awake and alert in case anyone stumbled upon them. He glanced down at her again and he just felt so exhausted. Knowing her status with the Morlocks, he knew that even if anyone did find them, they'd probably leave them alone. So instead of wasting away in panic, he laid down next to her, watching her for a few moments while the fire-light flickered across her features.

He wondered just how many times it took for someone to get used to getting the snot beat out of them like that to pretend it's nothing. Thoughts came unbidden as he drifted off to sleep, thoughts of blue eyes and blonde hair, rushing in to always be the last one standing. Before he could form a coherent thought, he let himself fall asleep, not really knowing why he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Feeeeeeeeeeeels... So many feeeeeeeels.**_

 _ **So I'm sure most of you have heard about or seen pics of Chris and Seb at SLCC... I have some friends who went and I'm so jealous I want to die. If you went tell me about it so I can live vicariously through you and pretend that I shared oxygen with them or people who may have shared oxygen with them.**_

 _ **Please let me know your thoughts! Either in comments or PMs. Thanks again to my beta Lmere. She's an angel.**_

 _ **Next week: STEVE'S FIRST CHAPTER (I'm nervous, so let me know you're enjoying this!)**_


	7. Lost and Found

7 : Lost and Found

* * *

Time had been passing in shattered remnants. Steve was dog tired between the search for Bucky and his responsibilities as Captain America. Almost a year had passed since the entire world had been sent into a whirlwind of panic at the upheaval of SHIELD secrets. There was a severe shift in the climate between countries and there was a pretty even divide between relief and chaos. The world was so much more dangerous now and many were eager to fight back.

Many people just wanted to step forward and use their talents for good, another portion just wanted to stay secret, stay safe, and the last group were the most dangerous: the ones who needed to prove something. Whether it was supremacy or insanity, Steve sometimes didn't know. With the way some people reacted towards those with special abilities, he would think he had been sent right back into the war zone of Nazi Germany in the 1940s. Fear, outrage, disgust — it was maddening. He just sat back and watched as the world began to morph into something terrifyingly familiar and grotesque — as if he were being thrown into the past without all his happy memories. Those were all he had these days and their strength against what was currently happening in the world was waning.

Though he had to admit, his desperation for hope remained. Though he had to witness some of the more oppressive aspects of humanity, he was also witness to most of its beauty. After the destruction of Manhattan and the upset in DC, he saw more and more people uniting for a common cause. People were asking the right questions and organizing fruitful ways to make a stand against inequality and misinformation. Steve guessed that maybe they had always been there, those little guys fighting in the alleys and standing on milk crates, now bursting into the spotlight. He realized that in the way the world was changing he had to foster it. In this dismal age, he'd need to find the strength to push forward with the right action. He'd done it before in what would seem like a hopeless situation.

But then again, he used to have Bucky.

After losing Bucky in DC and completing his recovery, Steve had taken off with Sam to try and find his lost friend. The fall of SHIELD had compromised a lot of assets, leaving him feeling more than a little bit lost, but their journey continued. Stark Tower had become his refuge, a place to touch base and try to get a decent meal and a warm bed. Despite all of Steve's efforts to refuse, Tony had retrofitted an entire floor for his new residence and it was where he stood now, staring out at the lights of the city and feeling unbearably desperate.

Though, a tiny hope slowly blossomed as he gazed out at New York City. He was amazed to see it still teeming with life and effort and determination. Not even the apocalypse could silence the city that never sleeps. It was awe-inspiring. The resilience of humanity was not something to be snuffed at. He was proof — no matter what came out of that machine years ago — that fighting back, that standing up, it mattered. He had to keep believing — if not for himself, then for Bucky.

Despite the glimpse of hope, Steve was still so lost within himself. He was missing Bucky — he'd been _mourning_ Bucky up until the moment he saw his face on the street. The image was still so vibrant in his mind: how the lines that dragged down Bucky's once carefree face seemed permanent, like etched stone. That face, the bitter coldness of it was all consuming and heart breaking. Steve did everything he could to remain focused, detaching from the thoughts, but they weighed just as heavily after a mission as before. And the absolute loss of any leads for a few months now had just about torn him apart.

"Hey soldier." A thick voice from behind him drawled.

"Natasha." He nodded, though not totally surprised. Her's was a familiar silence.

"Why are you up here brooding like a lovesick teen protagonist?" Natasha questioned with a small hint of humor in her voice.

He cracked a small smile, letting his eyes trail from the horizon and focus in on the faint reflection of Natasha in the glass, "You've been gone for months and that's how you say hello?"

"Clint said you were being mopey," she patronized him, "and a mopey Captain America is an annoying Captain America." She finished with a small affectionate smile and sidled up to him. He turned his head slowly to look at her, as always, in a scrutinizing manner. "Any leads?"

His eyes trailed back to the cityscape dully, "No, the last one went cold in New Jersey. There's been no sightings or whispers about his kind of strange in months."

She nodded and joined his stance, staring out at the twinkling lights and thinking, "Is Tony working on facial recognition?"

Steve nodded, "Jarvis essentially runs it non-stop. I can't even begin to understand how much processing power that takes up —,"

"If there's one thing Tony has, it's processing power." She interrupted seriously, turning to face him with a sternness painting her features, "None of us will stop until this is resolved, Steve. The world changed, most of all for you. Especially for him." She added. "Even if Tony somehow runs out of processing power, he'll just create a newer, better processing power because he's ridiculous."

Steve huffed out a bitter laugh, glancing down, making his guilt obvious, "I just worry it's a pointless distraction — there's so much going on in the rest of the world, they need us more than ever…"

Natasha put a hard hand on his shoulder, despite her size disadvantage, her presence was irrefutable, "So does Bucky." Steve leveled her with a serious stare, filled with his restrained surprise, "If anyone understands being lost and confused, it's you. If anyone dislikes the idea of using people as a weapon or a bargaining chip, it's Tony. If anyone fears human experimentation, it's Bruce. Clint could write a dissertation on the injustice of brainwashing. And the general injustice of it all? Thor would throw a hissy fit. All of us can see how much this weighs on you Cap, don't for a second think that none of us care. All of us share a certain darkness with him."

Steve sobered and nodded, "I just haven't really realized it, I guess."

"What's that?" Natasha asked, turning back to the windows, her face now emotionless.

Steve gave her an impish grin trying to diffuse the tension of the moment, "Just how soppy you really are Romanoff."

"Fuck off, Captain." She added with cold endearment, turning on her heel and exiting the room.

Steve did his best to stare out the window without letting his chuckles take control.

Natasha was an interesting person, her loyalty knew no bounds for those immutable few she trusted — it was not an easy task to have Black Widow truly on your side. With their battle forged friendship, it was easy to see that Natasha's trust was not meant to be broken. She was a true friend to few people and was startlingly honest and intelligent. Her cold exterior was very, very real and she held little affection for the world she lived in. But that little sliver of goodness was horrendously strong.

During his time spent searching, he had been ever thankful for the friends he found in this new world. When he first emerged from the ice, he had very little hope in surviving with anything like a life intact. The battle of New York, for a while, only strengthened this ideation. It wasn't until he saw Natasha fighting on her broken leg; Tony being battered about by Chitauri skiffs; Clint being thrown from building to building and scrapping up arrows through expertly impaled corpses; Thor watching his own brother turn into something reprehensible, but still fighting valiantly for people who should seem negligible; Bruce, willing to not only unleash his most hated part of him, but even embrace it and use it for good; and then Sam in D.C., stepping up to the plate when the people truly needed a hero. All of these so-named Avengers had proved something that he wished so fiercely to deny. Another time, another place, another team: Captain America was needed. Little did he know that these teammates would become some of his best friends.

None would replace Bucky though. Knowing what Bucky had been through tortured Steve daily. He was not an overtly emotional person, though people liked to tout that his patriotism knew no bounds. He just had ruthless control over that side of him and for the most part, he knew what was more important. He knew that nothing inside of him mattered much if the rest of the world began to crumble. He was only one part of a whole and he acknowledged just how small a piece it was.

Thinking about Bucky, well it tore something in him that was so integral. The peace he found in decent people was shattered in seeing just what Hydra had done to his friend, one of the greatest men he has ever known. Where a dashing gentlemen and dear friend once stood was now an empty shell, a tool forged through depravity that was ruthless in its efficacy. When Steve was given the super soldier serum, Erksine said that it would enhance all of the good inside of him. Whatever they did to Bucky, it completely robbed him of not only all of the good inside of him, but a sizable chunk of all the good inside Steve too.

Looking out again, focusing on the twinkling lights instead of his own thoughts, he exhaled heavily and wondered just what he could do differently to make this all right. He was painfully lost within the blankness of his mind. It was a depraved silent torture.

The door banged open behind him and Clint came tumbling in, the commotion ripping Steve out of his rumination. "Steve!" Clint sounded out of breath, which wasn't an easy feat to accomplish.

"Yeah?" Steve replied, turning to look at the rumpled mess Clint Barton appeared as, "What happened?"

He nodded with a slick smile on his face, "Debrief, now."

Steve looked surprised, frowning in concentration, "A wheels up debrief?"

Clint swallowed, wiping a bit of grime from his cheek and only succeeding it spreading it further, "No, we need to discuss some info I just gathered."

Steve nodded, still slightly concerned as Barton turned and alerted Jarvis to call everyone he could into the debrief suite and sauntered off excitedly. With one last look at the lights, Steve squared his shoulders and followed him to the conference room.

Tony, rumpled from a few too many hours spent in the lab with Bruce, sat next to his favorite monster, both of them sipping on the first fresh coffee they had in hours and rubbing their eyes. Natasha was standing next to Barton, an expertly crafted mask upon her face as she watched everyone bustle about to get comfortable. Thor was off planet at the moment, working on some peace treaty between two skirmishing realms or something princely like that and Sam was out of town on a personal errand that required his full psychiatric attention.

Once everyone was seated, Clint stood at the foot of the table with Natasha, wiping a towel over his face and cleaning off some of the grime and face paint he used for cloaking — everyone thought Steve was old-fashioned.

"We have some important information that needs to be discussed." Natasha began.

"And it really had to happen right now?" Tony asked with pure derision dripping from his lips.

Natasha gave him a firm scowl which he recoiled from, "Yes, it did. This is something that requires our immediate attention and our help — well, if its asked for."

Everyone looked around for a moment and Steve piped up, "Asked for? We can't intervene in something unless people are in danger." Natasha shook her head to silence him but he continued, "We can't be stepping in as World Police all over the place —,"

"Did he just say World Police? I can't even —," Clint whispered more to himself than anyone else, absolutely ripe with glee.

Steve just talked right over him, "Unless we feel that civilians are at an immediate risk, we can't barge into people working to govern themselves."

"Steve —," Natasha tried.

"We are not going to be just another SHIELD." Tony added a bit coldly.

"I'm not saying we are —,"

"Natasha, every human has a right to make decisions for themselves —,"

"Goddamnit Steve, shut up!" Clint finally lashed out which surprised everyone. He took a calming breath before continuing, "Let her finish."

Steve nodded, apologetic. It usually took a lot to get Clint that riled up.

Natasha cleared her throat, "Information has been brought to light and I believe that we should have a say in this, but in the end, it's all really up to Steve."

Taken aback, Steve replied, "Me?"

Natasha nodded.

Steve scoffed, "Why?"

Natasha finally looked at him, a severity in her eyes that struck Steve deeply, "We found him."

Once again, the way she said it, Steve knew exactly who she was talking about.

All levity drained from him completely. Getting his emotions under control, he steeled himself, his lips forming a firm line under a serious glare, "Where?"

Clint opened his mouth to speak, but Natasha put out a hand to silence him and spoke, "Right now, we aren't even completely sure —,"

"Except for the fact that I saw him in these surprisingly unknown yet kickass tunnels beneath New York. Big dude, long hair, metal arm — or hand, I guess." Clint interjected.

Natasha shot Clint a fierce scowl, one that made Tony inhale with a tenuous gasp, and Clint just grinned at her. When she spoke, she focused back on Steve, practically vibrating in his seat, "It's worth it to know that these tunnels are inhabited by almost a hundred people. We don't know exactly how many, who or what they are, only that they've been in hiding for a long time."

"Mole-people?" Tony smiled, his boyish curiosity burning bright.

Natasha rose a singular eyebrow with an amused tilt to her lips, "Crocodiles in the sewers?"

Tony's grin got wider, "And mysterious, long haired humanoids in hidden tunnels. Sounds like my kind of party." Steve shot him a dark glare and Banner smacked Tony on the arm.

"I need your intel," Steve commanded, a voice so severe the entire room seemed to chill, "and I need it now." He watched Natasha steel herself towards him — something he routinely disliked — and he responded by allowing just a hint of his grief to show, "I need to find him _now_ , Natasha."

She sighed heavily. A long moment of silence stretched between the group, Bruce giving Tony tiny head shakes to keep him silent. Clint watched Natasha, trying to see if he could follow her thought process and prepare himself for whatever new mission arose. Steve just sat there, a little desperately, raw from the emotion he allowed to surface. He needed this. There was no one else in the world who could understand exactly what he was feeling and the pain was one thing, but the loneliness was biting.

"Look," she began, her posture indicating every ounce of confidence she felt, "we can't barge in there and risk civilian life, we don't know anything about what those tunnels look like, if you didn't already hear, they've remained undiscovered for years now — how?" She sat and leveled Steve with a stern glare, "Think about it, Steve. A hundred or more people are down there living in these hovels — they want to be lost and they would probably pay dearly to stay that way."

Steve frowned, "So what? I just let him go?"

Clint gave an exasperated sigh, "We need more to go off of."

"Then let's go." Steve made to stand but Natasha reached out and put a firm hand on his shoulder and squeezed it with affection. Surprised, he stayed still.

"You can't remain objective. You can't separate from this."

Steve turned to stone once more, "Don't try to push me out of this Natasha."

She hung her head slightly, her shoulders dropping in dismay or defeat. She looked back up at him, "Captain, I understand, this is important, but we need to know what is happening here. We cant rush in, we cant risk getting made — because of his history, we and everyone in those tunnels is at risk."

"Natasha —," Steve started but his throat closed up. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't actually accept that all of this was even happening. The first real lead in months and she wanted him to sit back and wait. Natasha stood up, eyeing him carefully.

"Steve," she began, her eyes sincere though her voice was like ice, "we need to be smart about this — not only are you risking the lives of one hundred possibly innocent people, but you're risking his too."

Steve's clenched his jaw, biting down until it hurt, his eyes closed and flashes of Bucky passed behind his lids. He gripped the arms of the chair until the metal creaked with the tones of his grief and anger, Tony's annoyed sigh finished off the squeal. He exhaled heavily, opening his eyes with a newfound calm, "I understand, but I want to be kept in the loop — at all times."

"Everything we get goes through you," Clint agreed, "we aren't doing anything to hinder you Cap, we really aren't." He sat on the edge of the table, crossing his arms over his chest, "We just know how to do this. We realize what's at risk, but we are nowhere near as emotionally invested in it as you." He turned a little bit more, facing Steve, "You know that, Steve. You know how close you are to this and how risky it is. Before all this — DC and him — you always put everything else first. In DC, you got the job done, but not how anyone else wanted you to. You risked your life to save him, but you didn't risk the mission. This time, you need to put yourself first. You need to let us run with this so we can do it right."

Steve looked up at them absolutely forlorn, "I know you're right." He cleared his throat and the tension in the room dissipated while his eyes fell slightly, "I'll give you a week to gather information."

Natasha glanced at Clint who shrugged and then faced Steve, "Fine. Until then, you hold. Understood?"

"Understood." He admitted defeat for the moment, "Tell me what you know."

Clint nodded and sat next to Steve while Bruce and Tony leaned in over a napkin together, drawing and whispering aggressively, "I was doing a check up on a rumor about a weapons cache near an abandoned mental hospital upstate. While investigating the lead, I almost got made and had to make a quick escape, so naturally, being who I am, I evaded them and found myself lost as shit in these random tunnels I found. I felt like I walked for miles without seeing a soul in the damn place, but eventually I heard people, I saw lights and I saw this —," he paused, waving his hands about looking for the words, "I don't know, some kind of community. It was a very small group, but people were coming in and out through alternate routes. Tons of twists and turns, all of them barely coverable — there's no real telling how many are down there."

"And Bucky?" Steve asked, gently insisting that Clint get to the point.

"All right, obviously you don't see the anthropological value of this kind of discovery," Clint began sardonically, "but I saw two people down there in that small group that seemed out of place. Cleaner than the others, newer clothes, they were pushing some dollies with boxes stacked up — I assume they make deliveries for necessities down there."

"And?" Steve urged, growing impatient.

Natasha interjected, trying to reassure Steve, "This is where it gets interesting Cap." She motioned for Clint to continue.

"Some of the people had lanterns you know, flashlights, well one of the guys was built, had long hair tied back and a cap on, carrying the boxes to and fro with some skinny kid, and suddenly I see his hand glints in one of the flash light beams. Definitely metal." He finished with a smug grin.

Steve nodded, "Okay?" He wasn't sure why that was so interesting, if they thought it was Bucky, he believed them, "What's so fascinating? It's Bucky."

Clint flashed a look at Natasha, "The kid is the interesting one. He was holding fire."

The whispering in the back halted, "Like a torch?" Bruce piped up, suddenly intrigued.

Clint shook his head, "I mean literally, holding fire. Their hand was the torch." He held out his hand and made a wooshing-inferno type sound as he clenched his fist.

Steve frowned and looked to Natasha for an actual answer.

"We think that some of the people down there may have powers." Natasha finished and Steve shifted in his seat, unsure of what to think about that.

"Mutants?" Bruce chimed in, suddenly keenly intrigued.

Tony was fidgeting in his seat, "So, say Buck found these secret tunnels after your leap of faith," he gestured to Steve, "now he's — what? Making friends with mutants?"

Natasha shrugged, "Like I said, we know nothing. Clint had to report on the weapons cache and couldn't stay in an unknown, possibly hostile area."

"But if there are people with powers hiding down there for a specific reason, it's gonna be a bit hard to gain information." Clint added and watched as Steve's frown worsened in the following silence.

"Did the kid look familiar?" Steve asked.

Clint shook his head, "I barely noticed him until the whole fire hand thing."

Steve sat up, placing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward to think. His mind raced, thinking about how and why Bucky would show up in New York of all places, hiding out underground and smuggling who knows what. The likelihood of this being an easy task was quickly dwindling and he put his head into his hands.

Of all places, this must be the most secure to Bucky somehow. Probably because of how unknown and secretive it is. He's biding his time, trying to accomplish something. If only he'd just come to Steve instead of disappearing almost as quickly as he appeared, Steve could have helped.

"Clint and I will attempt to get back into the tunnels and remain undetected, but you should know that the recent delivery indicates that maybe they may not be back for a while." Natasha began.

"One week, Natasha." Steve insisted and stood slowly, "You have one week to gather intel, then I'm going in."

"Steve —," Bruce began, but Steve turned to silence him.

"I want all of your help, but I can't risk him disappearing again." Steve pleaded, "I refuse to."

Tony agreed clapping his hands, "Okay then, I'll keep digging, I'll try to find out about this underground tunnel system Clint speaks of." He stood as well, as if his words were a dismissal.

"One week." Natasha relented.

Steve nodded, turning sharply and walking out of the room to take his first breath in what felt like hours. Bucky was painfully close and soon Steve would be able to right all of the wrongs in the past seventy years — or die trying.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Finally some Steve... Sheeshe, took me long enough. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know if you have any questions or thoughts.**_

 _ **Next week, our heroes will be reunited... And its amazing.**_


	8. Reunited and it Feels --

8 : Reunited and it Feels like a Fucking Disaster

* * *

Steve honestly thought about giving them a whole week.

Really, he did.

But on the fourth day of their reconnaissance, Clint and Natasha were needed for a covert operation in some random country blundering for world domination in the troubled times. They had collected information throughout the first few days, but this sudden threat was too much to risk.

Their sudden absence left Steve with a dilemma. He knew that all of the information gathered was incomplete, but it had to be enough — he _needed_ it to be enough. Clint and Natasha were considered the best of the best when it came to gathering intel and Steve couldn't wait any longer. The entire week he felt like he was trying to crawl out of his skin, so tonight he was going to do whatever it took to find Bucky in those tunnels.

He left his room at Stark Tower and made his way out onto the streets, making it seem he was just out for a thoughtful stroll. No one had taken a second glance at his little outing, as most inhabitants of Stark Tower were well accustomed to the various levels of brooding from their teammates. As he walked down the path leading away from the main building, he arrived at the place where he had left his bike and the pack that was locked on its side.

It carried what he needed: his improved stealth suit, shield, and some minor weapons in case Hydra showed up. From the scant information Clint and Natasha could gather about the tunnels, he knew that there was an entrance in upstate New York and the inhabitants seemed friendly, at least to each other. Going from the stamp on the GPS, Steve hopped onto his bike and started it up. Clint couldn't be absolutely sure about the location where Bucky was spotted, since his navigation had been based on landmarks in the tunnels and not his hampered instruments. Clint had noted the mental instructions, directing Steve to start at an outlet a few miles north of where Clint had finally escaped the winding underpasses. Steve just hoped that it was enough.

The drive to the tunnel entrance felt like an eternity. Thoughts of Bucky were weighing heavily on his mind and his gut was broiling with guilt and shame. For so long he had accepted that Bucky was dead. Steve had even tried to move on, tried to make sure that his sacrifice wasn't in vain, but letting go of Bucky was harder than everything else he'd gone through. Not only had time repossessed everything Steve held dear, but now, he'd lost his best friend all over again to the one organization that started all of his pain. They had done worse than kill Bucky, they had taken everything from him, robbed him of his life, his youth, and filled him with an empty sort of darkness that chilled Steve to the bone.

He'd felt sicker and sadder with the loss of Bucky than any other time in his entire life — all those colds that made him feel like his lungs would come out through his throat, scarlet fever burning him on the inside but painfully chilly on the outside, all those panic attacks and heart palpitations paled in comparison to the pain of seeing Bucky fall. It was his death that caused Steve to reach his most desperate state. Now, Bucky was alive and Steve was painfully hopeful that there was a part of him that remembered who Steve was. Otherwise, Steve should be a pile of rotting muck at the bottom of the Potomac.

When he reached the tunnel he did his best to hide his bike out of sight. He changed into his stealth suit, depositing his shield against the magnet on his back and started his journey. He had taken the liberty of stealing a pair of space-grade night vision goggles Tony had manufactured for night time laser tag with Clint; they would prove useful in the pitch black tunnels. He opted to leave his helmet behind for the benefit of the glasses and he had to admit, he felt a little lost without it. More so than not, he hoped that if Bucky saw his face and _really_ looked at it, Bucky might remember.

As Steve roamed through the tunnel system, he followed the twists and turns he remembered from Clint's report. He managed to successfully evade other inhabitants in the larger paths, splintering off to avoid others as much as possible.

Turning another corner, he stopped, shielding himself behind a thick shelf of rock that was sticking out of the wall. The voices at the end of the tunnel were faint, but he could just barely make it out.

"Sid got into some trouble, looks like they'll need to lay low for a few days." One voice mentioned.

"You hear what happened?" The other replied.

"Yeah, someone beat the shit out of Sid. Don't know why they won't tell us who."

"You know exactly why." The second person interjected.

"Cause we'd go up there and skin the bastard alive." The first added maniacally.

"Roast him from the inside out." The second quipped.

"Make a stew out of him."

"Man, you _know_ no one is actually a cannibal down here, right?"

"Hell if I know, you've seen that one dude…With the _fingers_. He creeps me the hell out."

The other one laughed, "Yeah well, let's just be thankful Sid had that new guy along."

"Yeah, he seems all right."

"Hear he almost ripped the guys arm off and stomped on his throat."

"That'd be a mercy compared to what I'd do if I got my hands on that scum."

"You know it."

The voices began to fade, but Steve followed at a distance. It was easy enough to track them as they weren't exactly being quiet. The stranger in the tunnels could very well be Bucky and he wanted to find out more about this Sid person. He trailed the voices for a few miles and then branched off to search some more when their topics of discussion became irrelevant.

Steve felt like he'd been traveling long enough to be almost halfway back to Manhattan and he was exhausted. He hadn't slept well in months and ever since Natasha and Clint had told him about Bucky it had only gotten worse.

All he wanted to do was make things right.

As he crouched through the tunnels, watching people come and go, he tried to retain his focus. He eventually found a spot, fortified and hidden enough for him to get some rest, maybe get his head straight. He sat for a few minutes, just breathing, just thinking, and hoping that tonight would be the night that he would set the world right. It'd been all kinds of screwed up since the second Bucky fell from the train and it had only gotten worse since Steve had found out he was still alive.

Steve was jolted out of his painful reverie when he heard a voice, smooth and low, coming about a hundred yards to the north of him and heading his direction. It was still a bit distant but he could already hear them edging closer. There were a few pauses here and there for a breath during the one sided conversation, but otherwise, this person just kept on going. Whoever was with the humming one remained silent, their footfalls almost masked by matching steps with their companion.

As they continued to get closer, he could make out snippets of conversation. The speaker seemed to be discussing some topic — sounded science related and though Steve was no idiot, he sure got lost in a lot of the new developments these days. The leaps that were made were downright astounding and he had some first hand experience with how quickly mankind had evolved. From what he was hearing, the young person seemed to feel very similarly.

"I'm just saying, with scientific advances, and actual investment into worthwhile causes, man, the things we could do."

Another voice popped up this time, it was lower than the other one, much deeper… _Familiar._

"Scientific advancement isn't always a good thing."

"Oh, right." There was a pause, "That robot arm we never talk about."

 _Bucky_.

"You agreed to wait for me to tell you my —, what did you call it?"

"Uh, epic-DLC-type-back story."

"Whatever the hell that is…"

They laughed.

 _He laughed_.

Steve exhaled heavily, his heart clenched in restrained relief.

The conversation continued on and Steve just listened to them talk, bantering back and forth, though Bucky's new friend did most of the talking. He noticed a slight pulsing of light from a distance and removed his goggles, making sure that he was completely hidden, his shield resting on his back and providing a bit of cover.

As the absolute blackness shifted into a warm orange light, he positioned himself to watch as they came around a corner. What surprised him most at first was the person who was talking: a young person, tall and quite thin, with dark skin and a black cap on their head. The topic of conversation shifted to the overall decline of local sports over the last few years, but it wasn't what the other one was saying, it wasn't what they looked like, that was causing Steve such shock. As the two wandered through the tunnel, flames would hop from one torch to the next with each step that the thin one took. This was most likely the kid Clint talked about in his report — the one who could control fire. Judging from the conversation he recently overheard, he assumed that this was the elusive Sid. Steve had seen odd things in his years, but he'd never seen anything quite like them.

The second thing he noticed, and he felt guilty for that too, was Bucky. Steve almost choked on the hasty breath he sucked in. It felt like the first breath of fresh air since D.C. and it revitalized him. The shocking difference in Bucky from when Steve saw him as the Winter Soldier and the man walking next to the fire-starter now was staggering.

Bucky was _strolling_ next to Sid, looking like it was an everyday occurrence. His face seemed relaxed, just watching the kid and inserting a phrase with his quick wit whenever he felt like it. Though Steve remembered Bucky best in their tatty clothing from the 40s and his Howling Commando's uniform, he looked comfortable and even healthy in jeans and a jacket. His hair was still long and tied back and it looked like there were weeks worth of stubble growing on his chin. He just looked _alive_ and Steve couldn't help the silent prayer that stumbled from his lips.

The emotional distraction kept Steve busy until they got within about thirty feet from his position. He figured that now was as good a time as ever. Hopefully, Bucky was doing okay enough and didn't have a gun on him. It was a weak hope, but he was desperate at this point. The last thing he wanted was a firefight with possible civilian causalities.

He jumped down into the passage, making sure he made just enough noise to let them know he was there. Steve almost stumbled as flames jetted in his direction, along the walls, from torch to torch, illuminating the entire passageway until it was almost as bright as day. He straightened slowly, watching the flames to make sure they weren't coming _at_ him and he held his shield at his front, his face impassive for the moment, clinging to the fraction of control he still had.

"What the —," Bucky's friend jumped when they saw Steve, "Oh, sweet jesus! You scared the tits off me!"

Steve watched as they leaned on Bucky, a hand over their heart to fight off a fright. His eyes trailed to Bucky and he felt like someone punched him in the gut. Bucky stood, composed and braced for a fight, a severity to his eyes that harshly contradicted the easy going man Steve just witnessed he could be.

"Bu—,"

Steve didn't get a full word out before Bucky had moved. He grabbed the person with him and shoved them back behind him, as they yelped, he stepped in front of them, protective, determined. Once they were out of the way, Bucky charged, a growl ripping through him that sent the flames on the wall dancing.

Steve sighed, his gut twisting, but he charged as well, his feet pounding against the dirt floor and his heart trying to burst out his chest. He raised his shield as Bucky's fist connected with it, the resounding clang from the collision sent out a shock wave that put out several of the surrounding torches. A moment later, the flames reignited with a harsh curse and scuffling from where they had left Bucky's companion in the tunnel.

Bucky shoved Steve away and charged again, sending precise, measured punches towards Steve's face and lower abdomen. The hits soon became angry and desperate but Steve dodged them the best he could, utilizing his shield as much as possible, hoping beyond hopes that Bucky would run out of steam before Steve had to try and fight for his life.

The person behind Bucky was shouting now as he and Steve went at it again, Steve was dodging blows that were like a whip crack. It was fast, it was brutal, and he could barely get a word in between each swing of Bucky's fist, but Steve couldn't convince himself to fight back. Steve knew that what Hydra had done to Bucky had torn him so violently that it seemed all he had left was rage, but Steve believed there was more. The man he just saw, it was proof that whatever was done to him didn't destroy who Bucky really was.

Steve and Bucky's eyes met in the firelight and he recognized how distant, how scared Bucky really looked. He was alight with a terrorized fury. It felt like each swing, each kick, was an aggressive attempt to beat himself back into submission. As he raged against whatever Steve represented, Steve could see conflicting, painful emotions flickering across Bucky's face with barely a moment's rest in between.

Bucky landed a blow to Steve's jaw that sent him spiraling back. Steve gained some distance and held up his hands, one arm looped through the straps on his shield, still begging for peace.

"Please, Bucky…" Steve began softly. He slowly moved his shield from his arm onto his back and put his other hand back up in surrender. He watched Bucky as he stood, twitching and flexing, fighting the urge to step forward and try to deliver a killing blow. "Bucky, I just want to talk."

Bucky grinned at this point, but it wasn't a mirthful grin. It was an empty, bitter slice of a smile, filled to the brim with disdain, and it came along with an acidic glare, "The objective is clear." He growled, his voice void of all thought and emotion, "I must complete my mission." He knelt for a moment, unstrapping a knife from his ankle to the sound of his companion shouting something in the background. It was about eight inches long with a serrated edge on one side and a sleek diamond sharp edge on the other. Bucky twirled it between his metal fingers with a sadistic affection. A dark grin spread over his lips and he squared his shoulders to Steve.

"Bucky —," Steve started, desperate to just have a moment to explain.

Bucky made an attempt to step forward, but before he got anywhere, the person from before, that had been screaming at them since Bucky charged, slipped between them. Before Steve or Bucky could react, Steve landed face first into the dirt, as if the ground moved right from beneath him. He landed hard, a huff of air escaping his lungs unbidden and he tried to roll to his side, only to see that he was being dragged backwards, away from Bucky. He scrambled to his stomach, grasping at the ground, trying to find purchase, but it was like a strip of earth moved beneath him, too quickly to catch up with. Eventually he stopped, about sixty yards from where he had been. He looked around, desperately trying to figure out what kind of trap he had triggered. The dirt on the floor was displaced and scuffed from his struggling, but otherwise, there was nothing amiss.

He looked back up and he saw Bucky, more than one hundred yards in the opposite direction and the kid was between them screaming something in Bucky's direction. Steve refocused on the yelling and saw the person standing there, their stance was wide and firmly rooted in the dirt, arms extended, palms out, one in Bucky's direction and one in Steve's. He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out exactly what had happened.

He didn't foster the idle thoughts long before he jumped up started running.

"Go!" The teenager screamed over their shoulder as Steve moved. They shifted again, straightening up and rooting their stance in the ground. Steve watched as the kid pulled their arms back sharply and stepped forward, thrusting their palms towards Steve making him stumble as the ground suddenly shifted beneath him. In desperation, he leapt onto the wall, pushing off to get around his new found obstacle, using his speed and his stealth to avoid each new pulse of earth that tried to drag him back again.

He landed back on the ground and took off at a sprint until a sheet of rock shot up from the ground and he charged straight through it. Stumbling, his shoulder sang while he rolled and shifted to get back on his toes before the earth dragged him away. On his feet again, he picked up his pace, moving as fast as he possibly could and dodging columns of earth that kept rising in his path.

"James, I said _go!_ _"_ The teen screamed with such a painful desperation that Steve almost faltered. His moment of distraction led him into a pillar of earth that struck him in the gut and sent him straight to his ass.

He got to his feet, gulping in air, "Stop! Bucky, please!"

" _Get out_ _of here man_!" Steve's opponent shouted and shifted again, their body moving in a fluid sort of tenacity with rocks seeming to bend to their whim.

Steve sighed heavily and threaded himself through the flying debris, using his shield as a blockade. He pushed forth, yelling out as he charged and fighting the momentum of the stones bashing into his shield and his legs. One hit home on his knee and he felt a crack that jolted up his leg. Gritting through a colorful string of curses, he pushed forward and smacked his way through another column with a deep scowl on his face. When he looked up and saw Bucky, he realized he was not as far off as before, but something was wrong. Where Bucky stood, was a rigid caricature of a man, his hands shaking, his body frozen in place.

When Bucky moved, it was disjointed. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his mouth was gaping, his lower lip quivered as he gazed out at nothing. Something seemed to shock him and he refocused.

" _Run_!" The kid screamed again, their voice cracking in desperation. Bucky glanced so quickly between Steve and his friend that Steve wasn't sure who the next comment was meant for.

"No!" Bucky shouted, his face contorting in some macabre display of his inner mayhem. He grabbed his head, a scream bit through clenched teeth, and he fell to his knees. He began pounding at his temples as he roared in the silence, "No! _Not without you_!"

Steve tripped himself this time. Hearing that tore through him and those terribly familiar words sent him spiraling into another wall of rock. He scrambled to his feet slowly, the barrage of earth had halted for a moment when the young one turned to look back at Bucky with panic stricken sadness pulling at their features.

"Buck…" Steve managed to get out in a strangled voice. The teen turned back to Steve with a huff of rage and their tired eyes turned into slits before turning back to shout at Bucky.

"Leave!" The teen screamed, the voice breaking and hoarse and Bucky flinched at the sound. "I'll be fine." Sid insisted firmly and turned back to Steve who was standing dumbly about fifteen feet in front them.

"Bucky stop!" Steve shouted and stepped forward, raising cautious hands, "Just hear me out…" He pleaded, placing his shield onto his back.

There was a moment of stark silence where they all stared at each other, confused and broken, Bucky on his knees and gripping the sides of his head as he stared at Steve in anguish.

"Please…" Steve said softly and took another step forward.

"RUN!" The kid shouted again, their voice getting lost in a guttural sort of yell as they pushed forward with their hands straight out, perhaps just to send more hunks of earth towards Steve.

Steve adjusted, remaining light on his feet as he went to take his first step. Instead of shooting forward, Steve lost his footing once again as a gust of wind knocked into his chest and threw him off balance, hurling him onto his back and rolling him a few more paces. He tumbled backwards, ass over end until he got his hand on a nearby rock and latched onto it. He pulled his shield from his back and sunk it into the ground in front of him, groaning with the effort to pull himself forward. He dug it into the ground again and looked up, the wind whipping past his face like he stuck his head into a turbine. His eyes watered against the gales, he blinked furiously to clear his vision and he could see Bucky groaning and clawing at his head, leveling out to a single, painful scream. Bucky rammed his fists into the ground, causing something of a shockwave to roll out beneath them.

Steve's eyes settled on his opponent, wind was whipping past them now, tugging at their clothes with a raging force as they glided within it like a willow branch in the breeze. The black cap they had been wearing had been blown off and long black hair escaped from its braid to swirl all around their face and shoulders. He realized then he might be fighting a young woman and a whole new regret passed through him for choosing this exact moment to come out of the shadows and approach Bucky.

She turned slightly, yelling something over her shoulder to where Bucky was, but her eyes never left Steve, her face was taut with extraordinary focus as the wind whipped at her command. Something she said seemed to refocus Bucky. His hands clenched the earth as he looked up at her in desperation and he tried to stumble towards her but she shouted something else and he froze.

Steve watched through the dust as Bucky looked towards him, conflict and rage interchanging on his features. Once last shout from his companion and Bucky stilled, looking at Steve one last time before he sprinted off.

"No!" Steve bellowed, bracing himself and getting his feet under him. He used his shield to deflect the brunt of the wind currents as tendrils cracked like a whip against his legs, itching to dislodge one of his steps and throw him backwards. He faltered slightly, hearing a sharp yell before the squall increased, but he bore down, crouched lower and continued forward, bent over so drastically, the floor was in arms reach.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been pushing, but he was barely gaining an inch each step. He grit his teeth and pulled up every ounce of strength he had and surged forward, knowing that every inch lost was more than a minute of Bucky running further and further away from him. His effort came out in a guttural roar and he managed another step without sliding. This pulled another strangled yell from his opponent before everything suddenly stopped.

The entire room was still again and Steve tumbled forward when he had no opposite force to push him back. Though his ears rung without the wind's thundering howl and his eyes stung from all of the kicked up dirt, he rolled to his feet and readied himself. He froze in horror when he saw her.

She was shaking violently and covered in a thick sheen of sweat. Her hair was sticking out at all angles while dark tendrils clung to her dampened skin, barely covered by tattered clothes. Her knees were bent inwards and she was barefoot, taking delicate steps and adjusting her stance as if a flighty exhale might tip her over. Her arms were at her sides, hanging limp from exhaustion and she was staring back at Steve with tired, terrified eyes as she panted from the exertion.

"I don't want to hurt you." Steve said honestly. She was just doing what he would have done for Bucky. Actually, she was probably nicer, Steve would and has, killed for the man.

"Funny way of showin' it." She commented weakly, her voice deep and hoarse. She faltered back slightly, maintaining a distance between her and Steve and keeping herself between him and Bucky's escape.

He tried to take a step forward but she only matched it with two of her weak ones, "I just need to talk to Bucky."

She shook her head, her eyelids drooping, "No dice. That ain't Bucky, his name is James."

"You don't understand." Steve pleaded, his voice hopeful, "His name is James Buchanan Barnes. I knew him as Bucky." He urged and then paused, hoping to utilize a different tactic, "Do you know who I am?"

She nodded, a sardonic smile on her lips, "Yeah, the whole shield and giant whopping star on your unitard sort of gave it away."

He frowned, "Then you know I'm not a danger to him." He took another step forwards and she raised her arms, the effort it seemed to cost her caused her to stumble again as she backed away.

"You'll forgive me if I don't believe you." She quipped weakly, "Remember that whole government conspiracy to murder a whole bunch of people that you were the prime suspect of?" She waited for him to say something, but only saw his jaw clench in frustration, "Then you'll realize why I don't give a damn what you say. I don't care what _you_ call him. And I don't _know_ what happened to him, but I won't let _anyone_ do it again." She insisted fiercely, but her lips trembled with the effort to seem intimidating, her face quickly crumpled as tears brimmed in her eyes and she whispered bitterly, more to herself than to Steve, "He was just starting to do so well with people. He even had a _dog_!" Her words slurred slightly, but she stomped in her fragile fury and the entire tunnel shook.

Steve moved his shield to his side and put up a hand, gently, slowly, trying to reassure her that he wasn't going to harm her. She still shuffled backwards, her arms dipping with every step as she stared at him through almost hollowed eyes.

"Don't…" She began, gulping back something as her eyes rolled into the back of her head before they refocused on him.

"If you know me, if you know my history, you know I can't let him get away." He took slightly quicker steps.

"Please…" She gagged, as if the words were bile.

"I need to get to him." He insisted and took a few more steps. He just needed to get past her. She looked like she was about to pass out and he thought that he could easily evade her in this state. He didn't want to hurt her, she was just trying to protect Bucky.

"PLEASE!" She screamed as he surged towards her.

He reached out to move her aside and an insane sort of heat spread through him instantaneously as something burst between them and shot him backwards. Whatever happened knocked the stuffing out of him and his ears were ringing as he picked himself up from lying face down in the dirt. He got to his knees and looked back up at her, absolutely gobsmacked.

She was standing on the ground, shaking again, her face absolutely horrified as she stared back at him and tried to say something, but the air was absent from her lungs. He saw it then, a bright light from under her shirt, appearing on her stomach. It splintered out slowly, the outlines rising up in cracks on the surface of her skin, bursting through with a violent light in sharp lines that fractured up her body. She was shaking worse now, curling in on herself, her body twitching and jerking as the lights spread further and further. Steve was in complete awe.

Her body went fully tense and the cracks began to flicker between different colors, like the northern lights running through her veins. Something that was so beautiful was shredding through her, stretching her, and making her body pull in on itself. Her body bent back sharply, causing Steve to take a step back in mild fear. Her elbows strained backwards towards her heels with something implausible stretching and tearing through her inch by desperate inch as she hacked through haggard breaths. Steve could do absolutely nothing but watch and wait.

Her body snapped to attention, unfolding so sharply that Steve crouched for an attack. Her hands were now relaxed at her sides but when she looked at Steve the pain was vivid on her gasping lips. He stared back in absolute terror as the lights continued to rattle beneath her skin like a scourge.

One of her hands became engulfed in flames, licking up her wrists as the lights spread. She let out a ragged sob as she watched the tendrils of light licking up her arms and extending to her neck. She closed her eyes for a moment, biting her lip in despair and resigning to whatever seemed to be overtaking her. Her other hand swirled in a delicate way, twisting the air with her fingertips like homespun cotton until it was whirled tightly around her clenched and shaking fist.

Steve actually lost his breath when everything began to rumble and she lifted off of the ground slowly, her toes touching last. The dust that lifted as her feet left the ground began to swirl beneath her toes like snow flurries, while one of her feet dripped water from the toes and it flowed out to join the dirt beneath her, dancing in a distant trance. He looked back up to her face, twisted in insurmountable pain for only a moment before her entire body went limp, suspended in mid air. Steve moved slowly in an attempt to get closer.

Her head rose slowly and her features were bowed in displeasure. When she opened her eyes, dark irises were eclipsed by orbs of light that focused directly on Steve. That's when everything began to move.

The elements pulled themselves together, revolving around her in spirals of their natural state. As they turned, fast and faster with each second, they heated up and fused, dissipating into a tumultuous, golden haze that Steve had to shield his eyes from. Whatever she was radiating pulsed forth a field of light that was iridescent as it curled around her in wisps, flowing around her like a living thing, surging and swaying with each heavy breath she took.

She watched him for a few moments, orbital fires glaring at him, flowing just as freely and strangely as the tendrils curling around her, coming out of her fingertips, sliding up her neck like vines scaling a building. With an emptiness to the utter beauty in her stare, she raised her arms slowly as she focused on him and only him.

The ground, the walls, they all began to shake and Steve faltered back down to one knee. When he looked up, the fire on the walls was pulsing with each tremble of the stones and she stood there with that iridescent whirling light swirling around her, her arms extended and hands curled, as if she were grasping the stars in her palms.

She raised her arms further and the shaking intensified, rattling Steve about as he tried to get his feet beneath him. He managed a few steps forward as the ceiling began to crumble, raising up his shield to protect his face from the debris. He stabilized himself and looked behind him, watching as the tunnel shook in his exact direction. When turned back, he attempted to formulate a plan of escape or attack, but he realized that the dirt above her was dislodging. The shaking stopped as dust sifted down over her head. He watched as her frown deepened and then she curled her arms slowly towards her stomach and the walls wailed in exertion as they lurched dangerously inwards at her command.

His eyes shot to the section above her, rattling furiously compared to the other creaking stone. She seemed to be in a trance, no longer scared and defensive, but wholly, perfectly in disastrous control.

The stillness in the moment shot a spike of fear through Steve's spine. She wouldn't stop, she had nothing to gain here anymore since Bucky had gone, but whatever was leading her had an iron grip. It had no agenda other than to destroy. If whatever was before him gained any further momentum, Steve felt he'd likely die here.

With a shaky exhale he reached for his shield and pulled it off of his arm. "I'm real sorry about this." A hesitant grip around the edge of his shield flexed into a confident hold as Steve took form and started with a hard shove off the ground, launching the Vibranium disk at her with his full strength.

Steve exhaled heavily and took off as quickly as his feet would carry him, doing his best to push through the rattling blocks of the ceiling that started to fall around him as his shield flew through the air. He jumped over a hunk that fell in his path and planted his feet on the center of it to launch him forward.

His shield struck just as true as it always did. A resounding crack sounded through the tunnel and the iridescent cloud of light burst out into dust and darkness. He stretched as a beam of light reflected off his shield as it raced back to him and he caught it in mid leap. When his foot touched the floor, he shifted quickly to dodge another fallen hunk. His focus was pulled from the falling walls when he saw the radiant fumes surge back into her body, holding her rigidly in the air until the light was gone and she went limp, crumbling slowly as her feet floated back towards the ground. Steve pushed further as the walls began to tremble violently, clearly protesting at their sudden loss of direction that shook great stones from the ceiling.

His last burst of energy was devoted to hurling himself towards her before the ceiling caved in on top of her. He did his best as he collided with her, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her close as they flew through the air for a scant moment before colliding with the ground. As the world thundered around them, he managed to turn in time to catch the brunt of their landing along his back, thankful that he'd changed into his suit. From the force he hit her with, they skimmed the dirt for a decent pace and he cocooned around her, holding her as tight as he could without crushing her slim frame.

She rolled from his arms and laid still as he continued past her for a foot or two. He coughed through the dirt and looked up, seeing a scant three torches lit in the horribly damaged tunnel. All that remained about ten feet in front of them was a mass of fallen stone. The entire thing was caved in and some dislodged rocks only missed them by about a foot. He exhaled a shaky breath and put his fists in the dirt to get himself up again, crawling over to the now unconscious form.

Steve looked down at her, looking completely worn, with blood smeared all over her chin and mouth from a serious bloody nose. Her breathing was shallow and her skin was damp where dirt was not caked on. She looked like she was going to just up and stop breathing at any moment so he checked her vitals and found her pulse a little weak, but fighting valiantly.

Once he believed her to be in sufficient shape, Steve cursed and lashed out at the ground beneath him, driving his fists into the impassive rocks. He let out one last strike at the dirt and shifted to sit in a huff, staring back down at the girl, wondering how in the world her and Bucky came together which eventually led to this egregious disaster.

He stood slowly, stretching a few aches and nudged her gently on the arm, but she remained unresponsive.

"Well shit…" He hissed.

Kneeling down he inspected her closely and she seemed well enough to move so he scooped her up into his arms and made his way from the tunnel, bleeding and limping somewhat. To add insult to injury, he was not at all excited about the phone call he'd need to make in order to get Stark to pick them up and get them back to the tower.

He stared down at the girl in his arms and felt his stomach lurch in trepidation. She looked far too young to be battling him, to be battling anyone really. Putting herself in between him and Bucky could have killed her and there was a severe sickness of heart that took over Steve as he pushed on. He needed her to find Bucky and for the first time in a while, he decided to be selfish. He'd bring her in and question her to try to gain some insight on the situation. He tried not to hold any ill will towards her, but the way her and Bucky had been, how fiercely she protected him… It absolutely gutted him.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm so excited we're finally getting somewhere! If you hadn't noticed I'm a bit wordy. I hope you're in for the long haul or at least have me on alerts or something because we gon'be here for a while. Like at least 50 chapters kind of a while... Either way, so stoked for their disastrous story to come to a head...But honestly... I've got so much to tell you guys in the frame of this story and its so much fun... Weeeeee! Please comment and let me know how you like it.**_


	9. Pride Comes Before Destruction

9 : Pride comes before destruction…

* * *

The ride back to Stark Tower was significantly awkward. Steve was covered in bruises and dirt from his scuffle with Bucky and whoever this woman was. Tony did his best to make the situation as painful as possible, making sure to go on a detailed tangent about how this was not the best option for finding a girlfriend.

Steve stood watching over the young girl in the back of the aircraft Tony had _requisitioned_ during the fall of SHIELD. The legendary man himself sat near the cockpit and sipped on some amber colored liquid while watching the Captain stare at the girl.

"So who is she and why do you both look like you've been through the gauntlet?" Tony finally muttered behind the rim of his glass.

Steve shook his head, his eyes were still on the girl lying on the medical bed of the jet, wrapped up in some of the throw blankets that Tony had holed away in there. She was shivering but unconscious, still sweating profusely and shaking through murmured breaths. Steve was extremely concerned, if not only for the fact that she was the only person Bucky had made contact in the last few months, but also because whatever happened in that tunnel — he wasn't sure she'd survive it. He wasn't sure how to process the grief and guilt challenging each other for purchase in his heart.

He looked to Tony who was staring at him expectantly and replied, "I have no idea who she is but I'll tell you what, I pretty much had my ass handed to me tonight. Nothing went as expected."

"Uh," Tony began, annoyance tingeing his brow, "of course it didn't. Things probably would have been a whole lot better if you stopped doing this big martyr thing. We get it, you and Bucky, it's tragic or whatever," he waved his hands around in dismissal, but his tone became fierce, "but the fact is, you should have told at least _one_ of us what you were doing. Sam is going to ream you a new —,"

Steve put up a hand, "Sam is handling his own life. I'm not gonna step in between him and —,"

"Steve, you are the dumbest republican I've ever met and I've met _so_ many." Tony began with an exasperated grimace. His features focused on Steve and stressed with a palpable mockery, "But you have to realize that this was a _bad_ idea."

"Who says I'm republican?" Steve replied sarcastically. Tony simply rose an impatient eyebrow at the deflection and Steve sighed heavily, hanging his head for a moment, "Yeah, okay, it was a bad idea."

Tony smiled wide, his cheshire grin stretching from ear to ear, "Oh my God, I just got Captain Fortitude to admit he's wrong."

Steve rolled his eyes and motioned to the unconscious girl on the med table, "We do seem to have more pressing matters than gloating."

"No matter is more pressing than gloating." Tony quipped and Steve's jaw clenched in response. "Ok, fine. What do you think we should do with her?"

Steve shrugged, "I don't know if she's an immediate threat. She was defending Bucky with her life. I think if we can talk to her, I can get her to see my side of things."

Tony nodded, sipping his drink, "Interesting. So you say she was in league with our rogue amputee?"

Steve glared with his sharp reply, "She looked like she was helping him." And Tony just waved it off like a fly buzzing around his ear

"So maybe, she's what — Hydra's personal social worker?" Tony shot back as he walked around the jet, still eyeing the prone form of the injured girl.

"I don't know." Steve shook his head and rubbed his temples for a moment, closing his eyes and trying to focus, "To be truly honest, I don't get a Hydra vibe off of her." Remembering her behavior in the tunnels, Steve could tell she seemed to be acting out of desperation as opposed to years of specialty training.

"Did you get one off Pierce?" Tony replied shortly, his tone dripping with indignant sarcasm.

Steve scoffed, "Of course, you bring that up."

"I'm just saying, the guy practically twirled his mustache at you."

"I realized that." Steve ground out, "Fury told me —,"

"Look where that got you, Steve." Tony interjected, slight bitterness clipping his words. "Trusting SHIELD! Trusting _them_. They tried to kill all of us. Everyone!"

Steve grit his teeth, "You know I had no other choice after —,"

Tony laughed lightly, sounding wounded, "You had _plenty_ of choices, but the world isn't as simple as it was _back then._ Things aren't all crown and country these days —,"

It was Steve's turn to laugh, "You _do_ realize I'm not an infant. I'm perfectly capable of adapting and learning."

Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes, "I know Cap, it's just…" He shook his head and leveled Steve with a serious glare, "All that happened, the world is ass over end about it."

"What do you expect me to do?" Steve asked, exasperated.

"Deal with this." Tony gestured towards the girl, "Get it done and do it right. Stop pussyfooting around your BFF-five-ever." He rounded on Steve and urged, "She's your best shot at finding him, so you better get yourself together and get what you need from her. Focus." Tony finished, turning towards the medical bed and starting up a scan. "This world is heading into a dark void Captain. We all need to sort out our shit by the time it swallows us whole."

Steve stewed and sat patiently while Stark twisted all the bobs and knobs of the medical equipment. Steve had mastered most technology, including any and all useful field equipment. It wasn't all that difficult to learn after watching someone use it, but this was something else. Tony had obviously retrofitted this jet for the team and had upgraded a few of the systems. Whatever he was doing looked nothing like the SHIELD tech Steve used in the past.

Every time he thought he got ahead, Stark showed up to knock him down a peg or two — it was painfully humbling especially in this situation where he knew Tony was right. Steve should have never gone alone, he should have trusted his team, but he was absolutely lost when it came to Bucky. He tried to process what he just witnessed. He tried to figure out what it all meant. It all jumbled inside of him like knotted lead. It had been a while since he'd felt this out of sorts.

His thoughts absently focused on Bucky, thinking about his behavior shift. He was walking and talking with this girl like she were not just familiar but important. When Steve thought about the previous time he saw Bucky, the last thing he would call him was friendly. It was like they sewed someone up in his skin and sent him out to wreak havoc. But this girl, she brought a softness to Bucky that Steve could remember from their childhood.

A smarting realization bloomed. This girl was evidence of Bucky's human side, his ability to bond with another person. That _had_ to be good news for Steve. If after all of this, Bucky was capable of interacting with another human being on a level beyond _kill_ , it had to mean that he was capable of seeing the truth or at least parts of it. Bucky wasn't completely lost like Steve was lead to think and it instilled just enough hope in what had been a very long and dismal year.

Waking up in the hospital after the Helicarriers had been jarring. With Sam on his right side, patiently waiting for Steve to wake, the Marvin Gaye album playing softly, Steve held onto that precious moment of peace right before he became fully conscious of the painful reality around him. When he finally settled, making a joke to Sam and seeing him smile, well everything crushed back in on Steve, like a black hole was where his heart should be. He'd lost Bucky again and he wondered if it were even possible to get him back.

He had been traveling with Sam for the better part of the last year, looking for Bucky and gathering information until everything screeched to a blinding halt. Dead end after dead end plagued him and added more pressure to the imploding vortex in his chest. For too long he had pulled on threads and watched them snap, throwing him back to the ground to start all over. This thread, this is one he could utilize. He _had_ to utilize her, for Bucky's sake.

He'd read the previous files on Bucky's limited existence. With the fall of SHIELD and Hydra causing an uproar in the surrounding countries, Natasha was able to secure a file that had most of the basic information regarding the Winter Soldier. Though his identity was mostly negated and his targets were never listed, Steve at least had something small to tether himself to, some small bit of confirmation that all of this was real.

Natasha had always been right, the world they knew was long gone. Monsters and Magic had taken its place and it was his job to protect those who needed protecting. He always wanted to do the right thing, but now, looking at this girl, he was worried which category he really belonged in when it came to Bucky. He like to believe he was scared of how far he'd go in order to save him, but he already knew the truth. There was no limit to what Steve would do for him.

"Well, that's odd." Tony murmured to himself which caused Steve to leap out of his seat.

"What is it?" Steve asked with concern, making his way over to Tony's side and bumping him gently as he scrambled to look at the girl.

Tony shot him an annoyed glance, "What's not odd is that you're totally bursting my bubble of personal space."

"Tony —,"

"Okay, okay," Tony admitted defeat and then pulled up a holographic screen with all sorts of graphs and data on it. Numbers were blinking rapidly and then fizzing out to different symbols almost as if the computer was on the fritz. Steve stared at the readings, trying to gain a grasp of exactly what Tony was worried about. "Notice anything odd?"

"It's not working?" Steve drawled dryly and Tony just laughed.

"It's not just _not_ _working_ — the readings, even if there _are_ any, are making the computer _malfunction_." Tony chuckled, "Whatever she is," he paused and looked at Steve, "the computer can't identify it." He scoffed, looking far too excited, "I'm not entirely sure she's even human. I'll need to take her back. So Jarvis," he waited for the trill as a response, "ask Bruce for some assistance. I'm good at blowing these things up, not putting them back together."

Steve gave him an odd look as Tony walked past him towards the cockpit, "You mean humans?"

Tony nodded, sipping on his drink and replying absently, "Yeah, human _ish_."

Steve chuckled and turned back to the girl, staring at the equipment registering somewhere between unknown and failed test results. This was an entirely precarious situation.

—

Sid woke slowly, fitfully. Her entire body creaked like an old door, vibrating down to her bones. She groaned heavily, rolling to her side, cringing, and then rolling to her stomach and also cringing, but far too exhausted to even think about moving again. She allowed her eyes to flutter open, the darkness seemed oppressive for a moment, until the dim flickering lights outside of a window sharpened in her vision.

She bolted upright, a gasp tearing its way up her torso and coming out in a painful vocalization. She managed to quell the sharp nausea and murmured, "What the hell?" as she struggled to stand.

She got up on wobbly legs and managed a few steps towards the windows and tried to look out. The glass was far too opaque for her to see anything outside of it aside from blurry lights twinkling here and there. It was completely silent around her too, which just made her even more nervous. She had never been a fan of absolute silence. Silence was oppressive, weighing down heavily on its surroundings, but noise, noise meant life.

She turned slowly, looking around the dark room and heading back over to the bed to start thinking clearly. She placed her hands on the soft sheets and sunk her fingertips into what felt like a memory foam mattress. She scoffed and followed the line of the bed until she found the night table and attempted to turn on a light.

The lamp illuminated immediately and she groaned when the light hit her eyes. Shielding her face from the glare she looked around the room, a sudden panic registering in her chest at the unknown surroundings. The room was fully appointed with plush materials lining high end furniture. The walls were painted a deep red with accents in gold that equally screamed regality and debauchery. There was an expensive TV hanging on the wall and a stereo system hooked up through it that looked like something out of Sharper Image. She guessed there were hidden speakers too, because it looked like the kind of place that would have stealth speakers to look cool.

Whoever kidnapped her sure had bold taste.

Sid blinked a few times, waiting for her eyes to adjust and she cleared her throat, "Hello? Is anyone there?" There was a resounding silence that sent a chill up her spine and she felt like a terrified idiot. "Why am I here?" Her voice began to shake as she looked around the room.

She stepped backwards slowly, retreating to the bed and climbing on top of it. It had been a really long time since she slept in such a nice place, so she crawled back under the covers, cowering at the head of the bed and holding a pillow tightly to her chest. She did her best not to rock back and forth as she sunk her face into the decadent pillow and tried to exhale all of her distress.

"Please…" She said softly, fear slowly starting to replace every other emotion in her brain. She felt caged and it was making her panic. She couldn't remember anything outside of walking through the tunnels with James after their delivery. It hadn't been the first time she'd blacked out and woken up somewhere weird, but the last time that happened, bad choices and various narcotics had been involved.

Not a second later she heard a whoosh and then the distinct difference between silence and loud talking as two people came into the room, arguing.

"Jarvis, I _told_ you to monitor her. She's never left this room, how could you _miss_ her? She never left!" The first one said, walking in.

Sid's jaw dropped. It was Tony Stark. She continued to gape and whispered to no one, " _What_?"

Tony continued speaking, though the person he appeared to be talking to wasn't really paying attention. At that moment, he was staring right back at Sid with severe concentration as he eyed her up and down. That person just happened to be Captain America… Who was Standing next to Iron Man.

And there she sat, shaking herself silly in someone's ridiculously comfortable bed. "Shit." She whimpered and curled up behind the pillow further.

"I'm sorry sir, my protocol seems to be malfunctioning. Heat signatures, pulse rate were all unaccounted for over the night." A disembodied, British voice sounded all around her.

"Damnit — how is that even possible?" Tony growled, facing a wall in exasperation.

"I do not know, sir. All I know is that my systems only officially registered a foreign presence a few moments ago as she spoke."

Tony finally turned and faced Sid, pointing to the ceiling with disbelief on his face, "This is the craziest thing!"

Captain America scoffed, "You should see what she does when she gets upset."

Sid's eyes widened at his audacity. She swallowed slowly, realizing they were both now staring at her expectantly and she broiled in a sudden rage. "Get upset?" Sid sounded offended. "Get _upset_!?" She got up onto her knees and threw her pillow at Captain America who caught it without any effort at all. Her breath only slightly shook as he glared at her, incredulous, when he lowered the pillow from its intended target: his face. After it left her fingers, she realized what a mistake that had been, but she forged on in her absurdity. She stammered out her fury, "You _kidnap_ me and bring me to this — this — this — _brothel_ of a room and — and — and —,"

Tony leaned into Steve as she stammered, "That's honestly what I was going for, so I, for one, am _super_ stoked." Tony grinned and Steve frowned as he shrugged Tony off, still watching the confusion and fear spread on her features as she knelt there, quivering like a scared animal.

Sid's mouth was still flapping open and closed, "You _kidnapped_ me!" She finally screeched, "Iron Man and Captain _stupid_ America KIDNAPPED ME!" She paused, staring at them, glaring and thinking, trying to place whatever she could, but her mind was in a haze. She looked around again and then her breath froze in her chest when she realized that James was no where in sight.

In a sudden, jerky movement, she scrambled off of the bed with a scream and bolted towards the door on her side of the room. On the other side of the bed, Iron Man and Captain America stumbled to catch up to her but she slammed the door in their faces and the lock rang true. She laughed disjointedly at the moment's victory, terror creeping in soon after, knowing full well that a flimsy door was absolutely pointless against superheroes.

"Where's James!?" She shouted with more strength than she felt as she leaned up against the door and gripped the handle as they shook it trying to get it open. She bit her lip so hard she could taste blood. What in the _hell_ was even happening?

"Hey!" Steve finally commanded and everyone stilled, "I need you both to calm down."

"Jarvis, unlock the —,"

"No." Steve interrupted Tony and Sid was actually surprised. She didn't expect that the stunning logistical tactics of a century old super human included her staying locked up in a toilet. "Listen to me, you need to take a few breaths and relax. We aren't going to hurt you."

Sid gnawed on her lip a little more, shaking as she tried to wrap her arms around her shoulders, "Where's James?" She asked again, her voice now strangled in her insistence.

Steve sighed, "I don't know, he got away last night."

Sid turned, facing the door and the voice, her body tense, "What happened last night?"

Steve frowned heavily on the other side of the door as he glanced at Tony who shrugged. He continued, "Look if you come out of there it will be much easier to explain."

"Also, much easier to take more blood samples." Sid heard Tony Stark murmur and then there was a loud crash and a yelp of pain. She glanced down at her arm and noticed the needle marks.

She faltered slightly, putting out a hand to lean up against something, anything that could help her stay grounded. Though her knees wobbled, she gripped onto the sink next to her and regained the rigidity in her legs. The idea that someone had been poking around inside of her made her virulently furious.

"I promise we aren't going to hurt you," Steve continued amidst the groans of Tony Stark who seemed much farther away now, "Tony took those samples against all of our wishes."

"All of _—_?" She turned around and her eyes spanned the entire bathroom, fancy furnishings, bigger than any of the rooms at the shelter, and a tub that was the size of a Buick, "Are you telling me that — that you brought me to Stark Tower?"

" _Avengers_ _'_ Tower!" Tony emphasized, sounding closer and in slight pain.

She sighed, leaning her head against the cool tile wall. She stared at the door — she knew no feeble piece of oak would keep any of the Avengers at bay, "Tell me what happened and I'll come out."

"Okay," Steve huffed in a sort of tense relief, "last night, you were with a friend of mine, James Buchanan Barnes. I call him Bucky, you know him as James. I _need_ to find him and that means I need your help. I didn't get a chance to explain last night, but I can now, since we all aren't trying to kill each other."

"K—k—kill?" Sid stuttered and stumbled forward for the door, yanking it open and staring at him blankly, "I tried to kill Captain America?"

"Don't take it so hard, no one can kill him, he's like a cockroach," Tony began, "Maybe Cher," he said, turning towards Cap and running a soft hand against his face, "You have excellent bone structure." Steve slapped his hand away only a bit harder than necessary.

Steve looked back at Sid with full exasperation and then his brow furrowed, "You're bleeding." He said softly with a voice that oozed concern, he stepped forward and reached out to wipe away the blood that had dropped onto her chin from gnawing on her lip and Sid's lip curled ever so slightly in panicked revulsion. She wanted to know why people thought it was acceptable to touch her all of a sudden?

In a blaze of hysteria, her hand shot out and she grabbed his wrist before he could touch her and she swung her other hand as hard and as fast and she could towards his head. Unfortunately, Steve was stronger and faster and he caught her hand before it struck him on the face. They stood, her fuming, arms intertwined with his in this odd arm lock where no one was quite willing to let go.

"Don't you _ever_ fucking touch me again without my permission!" She snarled and did her best to shove him backwards while ripping her hands from his grip.

Steve immediately released her and stepped back, hands up and wary, "I'm sorry," he admitted sincerely and stepped further away. "Why don't you come down to the medical lab and Bruce — I mean, Dr. Banner can take a look at you?"

"Yeah," she replied acidly, "you want me to willingly walk into a lab after this stunning example of human waste just stole some of my blood and DNA?" She snarled back, "No thanks." She grunted with a small, derisive smile.

"Please —," Tony reached out and offered a hand.

She eyed it speculatively, narrowing her field of vision for a moment. She glanced at his hand, up to his face, then she glanced at Captain America who just radiated sincerity.

She didn't believe it for a goddamned second. If there was one thing she learned by living on the streets is that in this day and age, sometimes the last people you can trust are the ones with all the power.

She bolted again, back into the bathroom to shut the door, but Steve got in the way of it, trying to tell her that they didn't want to hurt her. He pushed past the door with a gentle force that sent Sid tripping backwards. When he moved closer, his hands up and he had a look on his face like this was the last place he wanted to be, but Sid didn't care, she lunged at him with a howl.

She tried to fight against him, but it was honestly a joke. She flailed as much as she could, using her thin limbs to slip through his grip a few times and swing at him wildly, screaming frantically the entire time. He deflected her blows expertly, taking care not to harm her in the process and it only infuriated her more. She tried to swing at him again and he grabbed one of her wrists on the follow through, using her own momentum to turn her into his large arms.

She surged backwards and kicked out her legs, finding purchase on the bathroom sink and kicking wildly to get him off balance. But eventually, he gained his footing and his titan grip settled, one arm around her midsection, bracketing her arms to her sides. He leaned her over slowly and he was unintentionally overbearing, his other arm wrapped around the tops of her legs to get her to stop kicking as he forced her feet to the ground. His breath was in her ear and he was trying to calm her, but Sid could barely focus as all of her flighty control began to wisp away into his strength.

"NO!" She screamed again, tears streaming down her face. Terror and fury burned her in this moment of inevitability. Too many times had she done her best to evade being overpowered like this. Her attempts at fighting back were absolutely fruitless. She was weak. She was alone. She was again at the power of someone else's will and it hollowed her out. Sid absolutely _despised_ losing her control. She was honestly terrified and she was absolutely alone.

"Stop, stop, please." Steve said into her ear, his voice low and calm, "We aren't going to hurt you, we aren't going to harm Bucky." He continued as she cried, her energy sapping itself as exhaustion set in and she was practically limp in his arms during her futile struggle, "If you know anything about me, you _know_ who he is to me. He's my best friend and he's been badly, horribly hurt. I want to help him. I _need_ to help him."

The words were like honey in her ears and she so desperately wanted to believe him — Captain America, he _had_ to be a good guy — but her skin was crawling and she was just so very afraid. She couldn't remember much of the night before. It kept coming back in flashes of pain and darkness, every single molecule in her body vibrating to the point of savage agony.

"Please," Steve said again as she sobbed and every fiber of his being felt entirely sick at what was happening, the last thing he ever wanted to do was scare the poor girl, but it was all snowballing now, "Please understand just how important he is to me." He squeezed her gently, his body creating the emphasis for his words unintentionally, "I'll let you go. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Last night, a lot happened and it got out of control. All I want, all I've ever wanted is my best friend back. I just don't want anyone to get hurt." His voice was almost shaking now and it finally penetrated Sid's fear.

She slumped in his arms further, resigning to her exhaustion. Her head slowly rose, leaning up against his in a futile attempt at staying upright and functional, "F-f-fine," she rasped out between gulping breaths, "Fine, but I need you to let go of me…" she tried to sound adamant but it didn't really work, "Please let go of me." She finished in a tiny voice.

He immediately pulled his hands from her and she tumbled forward. He cursed himself for letting go too quickly, trying to follow as she fell to her knees but she put up a hand to stop him and he did. He froze on the spot and waited for her.

As she continued to breathe heavily, in and out, she looked up at Steve and shot him a questioning sort of grimace, "You actually just let me go?"

He nodded sheepishly and for a moment, Sid saw a clear insecurity reflected in those big blue eyes. He stepped back and straightened to his full height, gently easing into his persona that varied widely with the whispers recently in her ear, "You told me not to touch you without your permission and I apologize for that ma'am."

She chuckled as she used the walls to get back up to her feet, leaning on it heavily, "Ma'am huh?" She shrugged, her lips turning down in an impressed nature, "I can dig that."

Tony snorted from the other room and Sid glared at the sound.

Steve nodded his head and tried for a soft smile, "I mean it, we aren't going to hurt you. I just want to find Bucky. Let Dr. Banner take a look at you, I'll tell you, show you, whatever you want to know, I promise."

Sid nodded, eyeing him up and down for a moment, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, forcing out the false bravado she needed to regain her control, " _Anything,_ Captain?"

Steve frowned, surprised at the sultry tone of voice, like something from a radio show him and Bucky used to hide and listen to as young boys.

Tony snorted again, "I like her."

"Shut up Tony." Steve commanded and shifted, rolling his shoulders and squaring them to her. "You hungry?"

She finally got back onto her own two feet and tugged at her clothing which had been in a massive state of disarray after her tussle with the Captain, "Famished." She looked down, fingering the oversized cloth and realizing it wasn't her own, "Where's my shit?"

"Downstairs, getting rifled through as we speak." Tony added.

Steve shot him a dark look and tried to sound reassuring, "Your things were taken to be cleaned. After our — well, _fight._ You were injured and dirty and unconscious. Until Tony could clean up the lab, we brought you here and cleaned you up so you could rest."

She sighed and ran a hand through her thick hair, "I hope someone doctorly did all that."

"More _patri_ —," Tony started to reply when Captain America elbowed him. Sid shot them a questioning look.

"Natasha," Steve cleared his throat, flickering a glance at Tony, "She returned from a mission… She, uh, had to go again…after."

Sid narrowed her eyes at him and made her way to walk past him, patting him on the shoulder with every single patronizing bone in her body, "You're a shit liar, soldier."

He couldn't help the small, nervous smile that lifted the corner of his mouth. He looked to Tony who shrugged and then glanced back to Sid, "Your clothing should be ready in about… uh, Jarvis?"

The disembodied voice returned and Sid jumped, "About twenty minutes, Captain."

Sid looked around slowly, seeming rather spooked, "Right. Cool." She glanced at Tony a little bewildered, "You hear it too right?"

His response was a simple snort.

Steve stepped forward and offered her his arm, "Food?"

She glanced at his arm and rose a suspicious eyebrow. He frowned slightly and looked down at his proffered arm as if he were unsure of its allegiance. He dropped it quickly and extended his hand towards the entrance of the room.

"Yeah," she drawled, sounding unsure, "yeah, let's do that." She walked past them in a wide arc, dragging her feet until the men eventually over took her to lead the way.

Her head was splitting and she felt so weak as memories swam around in her head, she honestly wasn't sure what was real and what was most likely a nightmare. A life where aliens and super humans existed was one that seemed to cause her great grief. Not to mention, she'd happily go back to the boring days before mysterious strangers with metal arms called her _doll face_ and men in kevlar tights chucked metal frisbees at her head.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Well this is all just sort of a clusterfuck, isn't it? Lets see where this will take us. Thanks again to all the people who commented and special thanks to my wonderful beta, Lmere *sings praises like a million angels***_


	10. Specimen

10 : Specimen

* * *

"So, uh, can I get your name?" Steve said as he, Tony, and the stranger traveled from the communal kitchen down to the lab. They just finished discussing what had happened in the tunnels and the girl had taken the news with mild horror as she ate her first sandwich. After a few platitudes, vague clarifications, and awkward apologies, their animosity began to settle.

She smiled around a bite of her second turkey sandwich, "Sid."

"Sid," Steve nodded, "that's a new one for me."

"Written word is new to you." Tony grumbled through a bite into a candy bar.

Sid chuckled at that, going to talk through another hulking bite of her sandwich but groaning in pleasure which caused both Tony and Steve to stare at her. When she opened her eyes and saw them looking at her in confusion, she swallowed one of those _perfect_ bites with no shame, "It's amazing, all right? I don't often get to feast like this. Gimme a break." She shrugged them off and went back to her sandwich.

"It's a turkey sandwich —,"

"It's _the_ turkey sandwich dear Steve-o." She shook it at him and he stared at her with a curiously raised eyebrow. "Look at these deli slices! It's thin like tissue paper and practically melts on your tongue!" She rolled her eyes at his apathy and shrugged, nonplussed as she continued, "Yes, I know who you are. Both of you, obviously," she took another bite and spoke around it, "just cause I kicked your ass and forgot about it doesn't mean I've been living under a rock."

"So are you, uh," Tony started with a small chuckle, pulling a face, "from around here?"

She chuckled softly at the odd question, answering it with confusion, "Born and raised in New York, but I've been around a time or two."

They wound around a corner and Tony added, "Around _where_ precisely? Just Earth? Or you take a spin around Saturn too?"

She stopped in her tracks, shocked. " _What_?" Staring back at the both of them, a laugh bubbled up through her lips and she only calmed herself when she noticed their hesitance and it caused her to panic, "What do you think I am? An alien!? That's ridic…" Her speech halted abruptly, caught sharply on the fact that aliens _did_ in fact exist. She took a deep breath and leveled a quick glance to both Steve and Tony and exhaled, "Ok, I see how this could be confusing. But right now, I'm like, eighty percent sure I'm human, but I'm ninety-five to ninety-eight percent sure this is all actually a dream."

They looked her up and down and she followed their gaze and she huffed. "Of course I'm human!" She shouted, a jab of existentialism asking what she _really_ knew about herself, "I mean, okay, maybe I'm an orphan and that adds to the mystery, but other people do weird stuff too! I mean, is there like a human test you take after a certain point? I don't exactly get to the doctors all that much since I'm kinda, you know, _residence impaired_." She rambled nervously.

Steve frowned utterly confused, "Huh?"

Tony's almost always smirking face turned down in concern, "Homeless."

She nodded and shrugged, "Yeah, I have been pretty much all my life." She recognized their gazes of pity and grew stern. "I'm good at what I do, so I help others like me, all right?"

"Oh." Steve replied, unsure of what else to say.

She just turned away from them and started walking, taking a few steps forward and then stopping when she realized she wasn't the one leading. She looked back over her shoulder with little patience, "Could we maybe not make this weird?" She added with false bravado. "Homeless alien or not, I'm perfectly happy with my life. Now show me where I'm going."

Steve and Tony glanced at each other with a shrug and stepped forward, bringing her around a few more turns and into the lab. It was surely a sight to see for Sid. The entire room glistened like morning dew on the Emerald City. It was a pretty vast in size, filled and modified to something like a research lab and hospital from a space station.

They directed her towards the center, where an exam table sat and she climbed up, second guessing her decision to go with them now that she noticed some of the machinery. She stuffed the last bit of her sandwich in her mouth which was probably too much, but she couldn't stop now. Especially with Steve Rogers, AKA _Captain America,_ staring at her so intently that it was becoming completely unnerving.

She eventually finished her last bite as Tony flitted on around her, pressing buttons that appeared out of thin air. Steve leaned on a desk top a few feet away from her just watching, his brow wrinkled in concentration.

Sid smiled at him, timidly, but he just continued on with his frown and didn't react. She recoiled a little at that, desperately wishing to burrow deeper into her own skin until she vanished completely. She turned to face Tony who was yapping on about something to his mystical disembodied voice. Sid had heard about his AI of course, how it ran his house, but she didn't expect it to be so — _sentient._ They way they conversed was wild: affectionate, sarcastic, biting, and brutally honest; it just was such a whirlwind to experience how wonderfully _human_ it all was.

"Jarvis, send for Bruce." Tony muttered while he reached for Sid's arm and stopped himself before he touched her. She caught his eye and he smiled sincerely, "May I?"

"Just promise you won't turn me into a science experiment." She chuckled and put her arm in his hand.

He scanned her quickly with something and grinned, "I don't really do the whole promise thing."

She rolled her eyes, "Just treat me like a person, please?"

He nodded, "Yeah, a _fascinating_ one." He stalked around her again, scanning here and there and each time giving her a quick look to make sure she was okay with him touching that specific place.

It eased Sid with how thoughtful that really was. She didn't know if she'd met many people who would be so considerate and gentle with someone like her. After what happened last night, she was surprised she wasn't in a prison cell or dead. Instead, they had left her to rest, got her some clothes, and even after she had a little bit of a melt down and tried to hit him, Captain America made her a damn delicious sandwich. Despite her initial reaction, she had to believe there was something to them worth trusting. At least, the rest of the entire universe thought so.

She cleared her throat to dispel the unease she felt. For a long time, she'd curtailed doctor's visits deliberately, but she had a feeling no one said no to Tony Stark, "Still, I'll tell you what I know, I just… I don't want to become a spectacle."

Tony nodded, "Well you're definitely in the wrong house if you don't like a spectacle." He chuckled, "But trust me, I think out of any random group you could have been abducted by, all of us understand the necessity of a little bit of privacy in our lives."

She smiled softly while he poked and prodded a bit more, "I figured you might." She glanced up at Steve, still gazing at her in his thoughtful way. His eyes were intense as he stared at her and it was like fingers were dragging softly up her spine. A sensation that proved to be unsettling and definitely unwelcome to say the least. "What's up with him?" She whispered.

Tony smirked, "What, you _don't_ know all of Cap's dirty laundry? Just about everyone in the free world knows pretty much everything SHIELD had known — not to mention the comics, movies, franchises, toys… I'll never forget the Captain Ameri _car_ …Burnt that sucker to a crisp."

She chuckled through her frown, "I like to be informed, but some things I can't dig into. That whole debacle? I want to stay as emotionally distant from that as I possibly can. I knew this world was dark, but I didn't realize it was _Hydra_ dark, you know what I mean? Like who thought Nazis and Magic were a good combination?"

He chuckled sadly, "Yeah, yeah you can say that again."

She sighed as she glanced at Steve and he was still just starting at her or through her and she wasn't sure what felt worse. She leaned into Tony again, "His friend, James, I've only known him for a handful of weeks. He's a really good guy, but he's — he's hurting." She glanced back at Steve whose eyes had trailed to the floor in thought. "Do you honestly think that he'd help him?"

A breathy laugh shot out of Tony, "Uh, yeah. They're pretty much the biggest bromance of the century."

She snorted out a laugh, "I'm serious."

He blipped something in her face and she had to blink a few times to get the fuzzies out of her vision. Once she refocused, she settled on Tony, who actually looked pretty serious, "I know you are and so am I. Trust me, if there is anyone who can help Bucky, it's Steve Rogers."

She nodded and then turned to Steve, watching as his arms uncrossed and he settled his hands on his hips, flipping the sides of his jacket out of the way.

She huffed out some air to push away childish thoughts and turned to Tony, "Am I almost done?"

He nodded, "Last one, I promise." He did something else magical with his fingers and it brought up a display menu and he clicked on a few things. She nodded and continued to just breathe, hoping that maybe this was her only way to really help James in the long run: get them to trust her, figure out if it's worth it. At least if it didn't work out, James wouldn't be at risk of exposure.

Tony waved her away, "All right Cap, your turn. When Bruce and I get some results we can actually read, we'll come and get you."

Steve came to attention and nodded, clearing his throat and trying to brush his heavy thoughts aside. "Ma'am?" He gestured to one of the spare offices on the side, mostly used when Tony or Bruce needed utter isolation or just a separate environment for a specific project. She nodded and gave him a sly half smile at the word ma'am and he felt a slight blush rise from his chest. He quashed it quickly enough and guided her to the space where he opened the door for her.

Sid walked in with a mumbled thanks and sat on one of the couches, sort of splaying out a little bit, her legs folded into one another in an odd way. Steve shut the door and followed her, pulling one of the chairs out and bringing it over to the couch, sitting himself directly in front of her and it caused her to squirm. He sat back in the chair immediately when he saw her shift, feeling like a massive idiot for not realizing his usual direct approach may be a little too aggressive considering what they had gone through the night before.

"Sorry," Steve muttered and scooted himself back a bit.

She smiled softly, chewing on her thumbnail, "Nah, it's interesting. You're so intense, I'm sure you sort of need to be."

He nodded, relaxing back against the wood of the chair, hearing it creak gently, "I do. Especially right now."

She nodded nervously, "I get that, there's a lot of distrust in the world. People are scared."

He agreed, "We just want to help."

"That's all I want to do too." She stopped chewing on her nail and pulled her legs close to her, "I don't tend to trust a lot of people." She narrowed her eyes at him, as if she were inspecting him, "I got a lot of friends, a lot of people who have gone through terrible shit their whole lives, some of them just in the last few years, and I just want to help them. Jame — Bucky," she corrected, "he's one of those people who seem to have more than a lifetime of darkness in their past. I don't know much about him because I never asked and I honestly didn't make the connection to you. I found him and I helped him. We became friends, I guess." She shrugged and leaned back, "I mean he don't talk much, he just likes to listen, but when he does talk, it's always interesting."

Steve let out a soft laugh, "Yeah," sadness pulled at him again, "yeah he's always been good with words."

"I see that in him sometimes, I think when he's really relaxed, it sort of leaks out." She admitted and Steve's eyes darted to her face. She felt the intensity of his look like a slap on her cheek and she continued, hoping to see something in those sad eyes shift, "I mean, a few times it's happened, he'll say something and he'll have a different tone of voice, even his eyes soften up and it's like they suddenly gain some warmth."

Steve nodded hope crackling deep in his bones, "He's been through a lot."

"I get that." She picked at her nails absently.

"We both have." He swallowed heavily and stared down at his clasped hands, "I understand you don't want to trust us, that you want to protect him," he sighed, "and I have to admit it is an amazing thing to see, someone protecting him like that. I was so scared —," he paused and took another deep breath to quell his pained insanity, "I was concerned that he would be alone. And I'm honestly glad he wasn't."

Sid nodded, smiling, "He's a good guy, he helped me out more than once and he always acted decent. Never gave anyone much to be concerned about other than his look, but, just cause he looks tough don't mean he's a jerk, you know? I got a guy who outweighs you by about a hundred pounds and he basically cries puppies he's so sweet."

Steve chuckled softly at the depiction, "I do. Did he tell you anything about where he'd been or what has happened to him?"

She sat forward a bit, her eyes focusing on something other than Steve for a moment as she thought back, "He'd talk about things sometimes, but most of it was nothing of importance. In serious moments, it'd be like he'd have something initiate a picture reel in his head and then he'd get mad about it. He didn't always make a lot of sense during those moments, if he spoke at all." She looked at Steve and continued, "Getting through more than a just a sentence always appeared to be a struggle for him. Like he couldn't find the words or he was stuck on something or missing something. He'd get a bit frustrated."

She paused and nibbled on her nail again, "I see a lot of bad things in what I do, but I meet a lot of good people too. So believe me when I say I'm not just making assumptions, I'm actually applying some logic from what I've experienced and what people have taught me." She looked at Steve to denote how serious she was and he sat back and nodded, "When and if he ever slept, he'd usually have nightmares. He doesn't like to be touched by anyone unless he initiates it, which is just about never. He's jumpy and restless and loud noises tend to bother him. I got him a service dog to help with, well, everything, cause he never talked and refused to try." She inhaled tightly. "I've met a lot of vets over the years. I've seen soldiers, men and women, the bravest of the brave, with pits in their eyes darker and deeper than fault lines." She shook her head slowly on her exhale before glancing back up to Steve, "He's worse."

Steve nodded slowly, a heavy burden on his chest at the cost of his friend. When he looked back at Sid, she was watching him carefully. She appeared guarded but intrigued. He cleared his throat, realizing he was probably letting a little too much seep through his resolve. "A service dog?" Steve questioned, he would have sounded much more official if it weren't for the jagged edge to his voice.

"Yeah, they have support dogs, for veterans," She started, "I got a friend that runs a program and she had a dog that was in need of a foster and I had a broken heart in need of a dog, so I traded her."

"Traded?" Steve frowned.

"That doesn't have anything to do with you or Bucky, so you don't need to know about it." She insisted, her voice serious, "But he named her Dolly, I think she was a flower or something before that, but he called her doll once and it stuck."

Steve chuckled and couldn't help but smile, "How was he health wise?"

She shrugged, "He appeared fine other than when I first found him, but he'd had an altercation with some of the Morlocks —,"

"Morlocks?" Steve questioned and Sid cringed at her loose tongue.

"Yeah, that's what the people who live in those tunnels call themselves." She smiled weakly, "I'm telling you this in confidence — this stuff can't leave this room."

Steve nodded solemnly, "I understand that and I promise, the location of the tunnels will be purged from our system." Sid nodded her thanks and sat back slowly, mulling over some thought that stole her words.

Steve watched her for a few minutes. She was heavily focused, completely pulled inside of herself for a good few minutes. He cleared his throat softly and she looked up as he spoke, "H.G. Wells, I was a fan." He chuckled, "I have to admit, that takes me back." He sat forward again, a warmth in his gut he hadn't felt in a while along with a pleasant memory of him and Bucky reading the fantastical stories together. Never in all of his years would he believe that he would be living in that kind of mystical future.

"Yeah, well, Bucky was sneaking around in the tunnels and they don't take too kindly to that. They're a pretty gentle set of people now — I mean fights and stuff break out but they deal with things on a one on one basis with mediation if necessary. There's no politics, there's just survival. They respect each other enough most of the time to get along great, but they would, each and every one, kill and be killed to protect what they have down there." She paused and chewed on her cheek in thought, "They're happy and they have no qualms with the outside world anymore. They just want to live in peace."

He understood, "Don't worry about that, we have no need to disrupt them or spread word about them if they aren't a threat."

Sid bit down on her lower lip in frustration. That was precisely _why_ the Morlocks lived beneath ground in the first place. They were all possible threats and not one of them deserved to be treated like a war criminal. She steeled herself towards the Captain and spoke with some finality, "All of them have been shit on by society or the government or the military — for some, all three. Their only allegiance is to themselves, but _trust me_ ," she implored, "I cannot stress how important it is that you leave them alone."

Steve frowned heavily at the implication in her tone. His interest was piqued at what kind of world was evolving in the tunnels, "But you go down there?"

She nodded, shifting back into nonchalance as she scratched at her knee and shrugged, "I do, I know the person in charge so they give me a free pass for helping them get necessities."

"Go on."

She shot him a side-eyed glare and decided to distract him with James, "All right, so when I met Bucky he got in a tiff with a few of the residents down below. I barged in and separated them before they could kill each other —,"

"Thought that was the law of the land down there?"

She shook her head in acute disgust, "Doesn't mean I have to like it." Her features softened as she insisted, "He looked so scared. I didn't think he wanted to hurt anyone, so I got them to knock it off and healed everyone —,"

"Y-you _heal_ people too?" Steve was shocked.

"It — it's not an exact science, okay?" Sid replied nervously, cursing her stupid mouth, "My _powers_ or _gifts_ or whatever the hell they are, they aren't always predictable, but we'll talk about that later." She shot him down but he nodded and looked ready to continue, "So basically we worked it out, he'd stick by me and show me he was trustworthy enough for the Alley —," before Steve could interrupt, she put up a hand to stop him, "that's what they call the tunnels. So he was hanging out with me until I could decide if he was cool or not."

"And?" Steve prodded.

"Well, he saved my life from a real dirt bag, helped a woman and child escape abuse, and honestly, we'd been spending so much time together, I just got a feel for him. When you found us, we had been in the tunnels just a few days after the incident and he had been accepted by the Morlocks. I was just getting ready to transition out and move on for a while until the heat died down." She wrapped her arms around herself, "I don't know if he'll stick around."

Steve thought on that and he felt a sharp terror in his gut. He realized by taking Sid away from Bucky, he trigged one of two drastic responses: either Bucky would tear himself and the world apart to get back to her or he'd be completely in the wind. Nodding slowly, he insisted, "Well, you aren't being kept prisoner. We aren't going to lock you away in Stark Tower. Once you have given us any information you can on him, you're free to go. Hopefully he will contact you."

She frowned and said, "Sure." But she didn't sound it.

"What?" Steve asked, noticing her hesitation.

She sighed, "I just feel like I'm betraying him."

"You aren't." Steve insisted, with every moral fiber in his being. He knew this was right, she had to be the way to Bucky. He needed this.

"It'd be much nicer hearing that from him." She gave him a rueful smile.

Steve chuckled sadly in response, "I know. I just need to talk to him, just to try. If he'll hear me out once, just one time…" He swallowed heavily, clearing his throat of the emotion that coated it, "I won't lose him again." He managed to get it out through the tightness in his throat.

She nodded softly, trying to keep her heart from breaking. Captain America was either the best manipulator in the universe or the most sincere person she'd ever met. She cleared her throat of her own issues and replied, "If I see him, I'll tell him," she adjusted in her seat, "but you have to understand that if he doesn't want me to tell you about him, I just can't."

Steve sighed softly as he eyed her carefully. He hadn't realized her devotion to Bucky would come with this much paranoia. However, if he was in her place, he probably would have burned this place to the ground to escape and protect Bucky. But he had to get through to her, he had to make her understand that the safest place Bucky could be was by his side. "What if he's in danger?" Steve insisted a little too desperately.

Sid blanched at that, "In _that_ much danger?"

Steve sighed heavily with incredulity, "Have you seen his arm?"

Sid frowned and huffed, "The metal one? Yeah, the first night we met, I healed him, his jacket had gotten burned away." She muttered like it was nothing, "What, is it dangerous?"

Steve almost laughed, "Yeah, it's dangerous. He's —," he started but bit back the words. His entire drive was to save Bucky, but he felt an obligation to hold back the information that he was the Winter Soldier. There was limited video footage of their battle on the bridge and on the helicarrier, so not many people had been able to identify the man with the metal arm. Mysteries about him had faded to the wayside, much like everything did eventually. The world was so panicked over the establishments all crumbling, they didn't have much time to focus on the intricate aspects of the first fallen piece.

Steve took a breath and continued, "He has been hurt in a horrible way. He doesn't look like the same man that I used to know, but I know he's in there. I _know_ I can reach him."

Sid nodded, a frown furrowing on her brow, "What if he doesn't wanna be reached?" When the words left her lips, she immediately regretted it. Steve had somehow transformed from one of the most impressive and daunting visages of the male form into something so meek and pitiful, it made his words that much harder to hear.

"Then I'll need to hear it from him myself." Steve replied with a horrible stillness in his tone.

Sid opened her mouth to apologize, but the door burst open and Tony entered, practically gleaming with joy while another man with a buzzed head of salt and pepper hair and a stubbly chin followed him in. The second man pushed up the glasses on his nose and smiled at Steve.

"Yes?" Steve asked, sounding annoyed.

"We've got to talk." Tony sounded ecstatic as he jumped over a chair or two to plop next to Steve on the coffee table.

"About?" Steve grit through a tense jaw.

Sid just watched them go back and forth, like tennis match of boyish bantering.

"Her." Tony pointed firmly at Sid who sat back, eyes wide and suddenly much more nervous.

"Me?" Sid sounded indignant and she looked around, her eyes finally meeting the new face, "Why me?"

The new guy took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes for a moment, refocusing on her with a quizzical look in his eyes. He blinked again and put on his glasses, frowning at her and then at Tony.

"Because you my dear, are one unique specimen." Tony grinned at her with his full charm and Sid just chuckled nervously, desperately trying to quell the nausea in her gut.


	11. Oceans of Possibilities

11:Oceans of Possibilities

* * *

"So we did a full barrage of every non-invasive test we could manage and got some pretty fascinating results." Tony jittered and tossed Steve a packet of papers.

"Yikes." Sid commented, shifting in her seat as she eyed the manic scientist.

"Don't you worry, you have full doctor patient confidentiality." Tony smiled and went back to pointing out some figures to Steve.

Sid reached over and yanked the paper from their hands and looked it over, "Is that why you're showing my medical information to a complete stranger?" She pointed at Steve and then to the other man behind them.

"Well, Steve got a front row seat to your fantastical light show last night, so technically, he's a consultant on your medical chart." Tony jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "And he is a medical expert on people erupting into odd stuff who I am discussing my findings with." He sniped and ripped the paper back and handed it to Steve.

She sat back on the couch and crossed her arms over her chest petulantly.

"So?" Steve muttered to Tony a little helplessly. Medical reports, he could read, this looked like something close to DNA mapping.

"Anything you want to tell us?" Tony said, turning back to face Sid with a huge grin on his face.

"That I'm a mutant?" She shrugged impishly at Tony, "Is that really a surprise to you?" She side-eyed Steve hesitantly.

Steve chuckled softly at Sid's tempestuous response, "Not to me."

"There, see?" Sid said, but Tony was still grinning and slowly he started to shake his head.

"Not a mutant." His grin barely faltered through the words.

Sid frowned, something sharp pulling at her gut, "What do you mean _not a mutant_?"

Tony showed her some of the read outs, but she had no idea what they meant, "Well according to these —," he pointed at some squigglies, " — two specific cytosines from these loci here," he pointed at another pair of somewhat magnified squigglies, "and the methylation of this —,"

"English, Tony." Steve demanded as Sid's eyes glazed over.

"It means, genetically, she's between fifty and sixty years old. At least that's our best guess." The other man finally chimed in, walking over to sit down in the chair next to the couch.

"Dermotologists would hate her." Tony added as an aside.

"I'm Dr. Bruce Banner, by the way." He leaned forward just slightly, offering his hand.

Sid gaped at him, her eyes wide as she glanced at him and back and Tony and then Steve. When her nervous glance went back to Bruce, he just smiled with every little ounce of charm in his body. He didn't look like a mad scientist with his soft features and clear eyes. She usually got a decent vibe off of people for the most part and he seemed to be genuine, like this was no big deal, "Sid." She reached out a shaky hand and he grasped it.

"It's an honest pleasure to meet you Sid." Bruce replied, with a soft grin.

She nodded and sat back, glancing at Steve and Tony who were staring at her expectantly, "Yeah, so about that something I wanted to tell you…"

Tony let out a bark of laughter, "Look, I had a grip of metal playing pin the shrapnel on the heart vessel for the past few years and I made a flying tank suit to escape a terrorist prison camp in the mountains." He pointed to Steve next and said, "His steroids have steroids," Steve then promptly slapped his hand away, "Ow — I mean, he's a genetically engineered super human who is pushing a hundred and dermatologists hate him too." Tony admitted, shaking out the sting from his hand while glaring at Steve. Next, he pointed to Bruce, "And that man turns into Gumby on meth and MDMA if he gets too excited." He focused back on her and gave her a winning smile, "You should understand that we are the last people in the world who would use this to our advantage."

She frowned slightly, "I was born sometime in the late 1950s, November, I think."

"A Thanksgiving baby." Tony muttered unhelpfully.

She chuckled bitterly at that. She hadn't known what Thanksgiving was until she was thirteen, "Yeah, I don't remember much from my childhood, just that there was some accident," she gulped heavily, eying the men around her, "and I — I uh, had no where to go."

"So you lived on the streets?" Steve asked, concern lacing his voice, "How old?"

She scrunched her face in thought and possibly in pain, "I was about eleven or so, I think."

"Jesus." Tony huffed out some air, looking at Bruce who seemed deeply troubled and Steve who was shocked into silence. Both of those guys had soft spots when it came to stuff like this, but even Tony felt a little sick at the thought of a little girl struggling to live on the streets. "And after?" He urged on.

Sid exhaled heavily, "It was the in the midst of the conflicts in Vietnam. I uh, just sort of left and started running. I didn't really stop until some folks offered to take me in. It was a commune, out in the country side."

Bruce nodded knowingly, "Hippies. They tend to be wonderful people."

She nodded, eyes shinning with happiness, "They really were." She cleared her throat of the sadness closing her throat. That was a long time ago and an entirely different life. "When they took me in, I learned a lot from them. Mostly about speaking my mind and how to live off the land and off the grid, but it was helpful. There was a lot of smart people out there, living away from a society that seemed hopeless. I was grateful for anything," She looked timid, picking at her nails again as she spoke, "a lone little dark kid during of one of the worst periods of American history does not have a lot of great options."

Steve nodded, he'd learned a lot about that era. The assassination of Kennedy, the War in Vietnam, the fight for Civil Rights — it was tenuous time, probably especially for a young, orphaned, dark-skinned child. He was surprised that she was even able to make it upstate safely, "That's incredible."

She nodded, sniffling and wiping her nose with her borrowed sleeve, "They were. They treated me nicer than I think I've ever been treated since." She shrugged sadly, "Well, mostly." She sat herself up straight and breathed deeply again, "My powers started showing up around eighteen. I aged normally until around then, it wasn't until I was out on my own and moving around that I started to realize I wasn't getting any older."

"Wow." Tony sat back and slapped his thighs, "This is amazing. Can you tell us —,"

She shifted in her seat, wrapping her arms around herself, "Look, I know you guys got a million questions about me, but that's the point. I don't like talking about it. I'm just another mutant, but still human." She rocked herself slightly, "Can I just get my stuff and take off? I'm really tired."

"Honey, we've seen mutant DNA," Tony gestured towards Bruce and himself as the familiar parties, "I've broken the weirdest genetic code down to the nucleic level for not only two mostly human assassins, but the Jolly Green Giant himself, the American Wet Dream over here, and that of a Norse god," He paused and pointed at her, "Your basic cellular components make you —,"

"That's enough." Steve stated, watching as Sid coiled further and further in on herself with each word from Tony's lips. Science was important and all, but not at the expense of her sanity. "She said she didn't want to talk about it."

"But—!" Tony tried to interject but Steve rose a hand.

"She said no." Steve stood slowly and reached out his hand to her, "We'll get your things and I'll take you wherever you want."

She looked over at Tony who was gobsmacked over the entire ordeal and then at Bruce who just shrugged. "Ok," she nodded and reached up to take Steve's hand. He helped her up and motioned for the door, allowing her to walk first. She wrapped her arms around herself and took a few steps, trying to ignore Tony's painfully wordless pleading to know every intimate detail of her life. She stopped when she got to the door which was now held open by Steve. How he moved so quickly, she didn't know, but she nodded her thanks and made to leave. However, she couldn't, not just yet.

"Thank you," She started, turning back to Bruce and Tony, "thank you for trying, I just…"

Bruce finished the halted sentence for her, "You're not ready. Trust me, I completely understand." He stood up and made his way over to her and handed her the results of their testing, "If and when you want to discuss it, you can come here, find me or Tony or Steve. We can talk you through it."

"Uh, I probably can't, but at least I can help you find someone who can." Steve interjected with a chuckle.

She nodded, gnawing on her bottom lip to keep the small giggle in and then walked out of the room with Steve trailing behind her. Once they were securely in the elevator, she leaned heavily on the wall and exhaled a shaky breath.

They stood in silence, Steve giving her as much space and privacy as possible during the ride, glancing over at her out of the corner of his eye and he caught her just staring at him.

"Thank you." She finally muttered as they scaled the building. "For intervening, for getting me out of there."

Steve nodded, smiling lightly, "Sometimes they forget that science isn't the only thing that matters." She chuckled and he smiled wider, "They're good men, I promise you that. Your information is safe with them."

She nodded and leaned her head back and replied softly, "I believe you."

"And I want you to know that even though I couldn't get to Bucky," he cleared his throat, trying to spare her all the emotions he was feeling, "I can appreciate how hard you fought to help him."

She nodded, "Sorry about all that I guess. I just —," she sighed, "I didn't realize the relationship then, but damn if it was the last thing I wanted to see: Captain America and my new friend James beating each other to hell. He seemed so scared and I just didn't want anyone getting hurt."

Steve replied, his voice tight as he fidgeted slightly, "You're a good friend to him and he needs that, trust me."

Sid looked at him again, smiling softly, "He'll need more."

He looked over to her and met her eyes, surprised by the genuine kindness he saw in them. "Does that mean you'll help me?" He asked her, but he came off sounding like a beggar. He didn't realize he had this much hope left clinging on inside him.

She relaxed against the wall again and slipped her hand into the pockets of the oversized clothing she wore, "I'll help in a way, but I'm not going to trick him." Steve nodded, eager to accept her terms, "I'll tell him that you want to speak with him, I'll tell him how to find you, but I won't force him to. It needs to be his own choice."

Steve nodded smiling, "That's enough for me. I just need the chance…"

She gave him a restrained smile, "Cool, then I think we can make this work."

The door dinged open and he held it for her as she stepped out. He followed her, feeling lighter than he had in months. She made her way back into the room she had stayed the night in, one of the many in Avengers Tower for stragglers to stay the night. Each were equally furnished with decadent amounts of pomp, but that just seemed to be Stark's way.

Steve followed her in thoughtlessly, just excited for the chance to actually speak with Bucky on peaceful terms. Once she got into the room and noticed her things were on the bed, she ran to them and started inspecting each item to make sure they were okay.

"The holes are mended." She frowned, fingering the legs of her pants.

Steve frowned, speaking hesitantly, "I thought it occurred in the battle, so I asked them to be fixed."

Sid smiled wide and then laughed, "Nope! Just clumsy old me… These guys are _so_ old and so goddamned comfortable, I just don't want to let them go. I'll wear them until they disintegrate." She clenched them up in her hands and pulled them close, relishing in the buttery soft texture of the material. After her moment of zen, she looked back at Steve who was shuffling his feet for need of something to do.

She stared him up and down, with his trendy hair cut, fashionable jeans, and a fitted shirt beneath a bomber jacket, he looked like he belonged on a magazine cover — saying he looked average would be a serious indication of an Optometric emergency. She had noticed his unease in the low slung pants and the clinging cotton; he'd tug at the belt loops and fiddle with the shirt's hem as he moved, as if he expected them to feel different on his skin. He probably had eye goop older than those clothes. He seemed to feel more out of place than Sid ever had. Though, she had been blessed with a certain stubborn confidence.

"Time has a bit of a different meaning to us, doesn't it?" She finally spoke, realizing out of anyone in the world, he could understand. He seemed to try really hard to wedge himself into this new world and he did so with aplomb. But she'd been in shoes too much like his own not to see the burden of time on his shoulders.

He gave her a sad smile, one that melted her heart, "It does."

She nodded, thinking back on her life and feeling the myriad of emotions it stirred. She glanced at Steve, whose shoulders were slumped like he carried a great burden and she recognized the arc of his spine, that little something she was intimately familiar with. "You know, if you ever want to — I don't know — commiserate about being old, you can come find me."

He chuckled heartily, eyeing her for a moment before replying earnestly, "I might do that."

She smiled in return, "All right, I'll get ready and we can go."

"Sure, I'll just —," he didn't get to let her know he'd step outside for her to change before she yanked the oversized sweater up over her head. Frozen in his own inadequacy, his mouth just popped open as her top fell to the floor and she was left in nothing but a somewhat sheer half tank top and a pair of sweatpants flooding her lower half that hung dangerously low on her slim hips. He finally cleared his throat and turned around and the terrible silence was punctured by Sid's frantic laughter.

"God, I'm sorry." She laughed through her mortification as she rifled through her clothing, "I'm not house trained and I forget people still have propriety up here." He heard the tell-tale signs of her dressing: the rustle of her shirt as it came down over her head, the little hop of her feet as she pulled her jeans all the way up her legs. She was padding around the room a second later, mumbling to herself.

"Uh," Steve started, feeling that bush creep up his chest again, "do you need — um, help?"

Sid snickered softly, "I'm fully clothed." There was more thumping of her feet on the floor and then she finally stopped, "Have you seen my shoes?"

Steve turned sharply at that, feeling a little sheepish as he faced her in a layering of loose tank tops and tight jeans, "They, uh, you were barefoot when you came after me."

Sid hit herself in the forehead, "Damnit! I left them in the tunnels."

"We could go back —,"

Sid just waved him off, but gave him a gentle smile, "If I really brought that shit down, they're gone by now for sure, either buried or borrowed and that's okay. Someone probably needs them more than me."

Steve frowned during the silence between them. He was honestly unaccustomed to her sort of sincerity and it was actually a little freeing. That little bit of selflessness gave him hope for the people out in the world. He got an idea and couldn't help his grin. "What size are you?" He suddenly asked.

She raised a brow in subdued suspicion, "Why?"

He just chuckled, "We have two women frequently in the house, you can take some of their shoes now and I'll just replace them."

She looked shocked for a second, but quickly recovered her nonchalance, "Nah, that's okay, I'll just —,"

"Please," he begged jokingly, "shoes are the least of any of our worries. If you can get me to Bucky, I'll buy you a thousand shoes." He shot her a winning smile, not something practiced or canned, but boyish and charming.

She smiled back, warmed by the sight — especially since the last however long she'd spent with him, he'd looked so very sad. A lot like how James always looked. So she nodded, "I'm a size nine and a half. Something functional please."

"Good." Steve smiled smugly, "Jarvis?"

"An unused pair of Agent Romanov's boots are on their way down Captain." The voice responded.

"How do you get used to that?" Sid smiled as she reached for her jacket to pull it on.

"I don't know he's actually kind of friendly." Steve smiled.

"Thank you Captain Rogers, I believe you are friendly as well." Jarvis replied and Sid just laughed.

"Aw man, now I want one." She slid her arm through one the sleeves and tugged it snug around her body.

Steve leaned on the wall and smiled, "I'm sure that Tony would be willing to make an exchange for another blood sample."

Sid snorted, "Yeah, or cerebral fluid."

Steve chuckled along with her, but wondered why that was something that so easily came to mind. He suddenly understood why she was so resistant to discuss her powers or her mutations. He was intimately familiar with people abusing the advantages of enhanced DNA and he knew some of the history of Mutant culture. As of late they hadn't posed a credible threat and were working towards equality, not enmity. But he knew there was a good reason many mutants were afraid of being monitored and tested and Steve realized she may have been experimented on before or at least knew people who had been. It definitely would explain her violent reaction to Tony taking her blood and her rule about touching. A lot had happened in the last few hours to turn this threat into an ally and he suddenly felt enormously guilty for just dumping a century's worth of his drama on her.

She was glancing around the room, taking it all in stride with a simple smile on her face. He cleared his throat to speak, the tone was laden with guilt, "So, you sure you're feeling okay?"

She nodded sweetly, "It's an automatic response by now." She looked up at him as she sat on the bed and ran some fingers through her mangled hair. He watched as she resigned to her fate and piled it up on top of her head, twisting the locks until she could tie them in a knot that left one of the ends spilling down in a tangle of waves. "My body heals itself while I'm sleeping, happens all the time. I'll cut my hand or like, fall down steps or something and the next morning I am all better but usually feel like hell."

Steve nodded, a bit amazed at that ability, "Oh." He muttered sheepishly.

She smiled coyly, "That can't be strange to you Captain."

"Please call me Steve," he insisted automatically and then felt awkward for doing so, but she just smiled so he continued, "It's not, I guess, but the healing other people is new."

Her smile faded slightly, "Yeah, it's uh, not something I really understand."

"I won't pry — if you don't want to talk about it." He added, trying to be kind.

She nodded with a strained smile, "Thanks."

There was a knock on the door and Steve excused himself. Sid sat on the bed and stared out at nothing on the floor. Her mind was flooded with thoughts, memories, all of the things she tried so hard to let go of. All of that unfamiliar darkness lurking in her subconscious was such a pain. As much as Tony and Bruce thought the science of it was pretty cool, if she was being brutally honest, she felt the tiny painful inkling that maybe, one day, she might just be so _done_ with it all.

The struggle of being timeless, of having powers of her nature, was exhausting. She kept to herself a lot and entrenched herself in societies that had strict codes of conduct. Out in the real world, among almost everyone else on the planet, there were too many dangerous paths she could trip along before realizing how much trouble she was in. With the homeless, with the Morlocks, they understood her and they didn't judge her. Of all people, they understood the fact that everyone had problems to deal with differently. If she wasn't harming anyone, then no one made a fuss about how she lived her life. It was exactly how she wanted it to be.

She was knocked out of her thoughts when she heard the door open and the absolutely nettled tone of Tony Stark's voice carried through the air.

"Shoe delivery? Really?"

The conversation was quickly cut off by the slam of a door. Steve returned shortly with a pair of shoes in his hand, black utility boots that looked to be absolutely flawless and new. Steve extended his arm, meaning for Sid to take them but she looked at him like he was offering her a severed head.

"I can't take those." She gazed at the shoes, her mouth hanging open in abject horror.

Steve frowned, staring at the shoes in his hand. They looked perfectly fine to him, "Something wrong with them?"

Sid scoffed, "Uh, yeah. They're _brand new_." She laughed and walked up to the shoes, staring at them as if they were a treasured relic. "I mean, these are brand _spanking_ new, military grade combat boots." She fingered them a bit while Steve held them out, groaning with unrestrained ecstasy when her fingers found the plush lining on the inside. She looked back up at him, frantic with excitement and he just stared back at her, unsure of what to do. Then she poked the toe with concentration, then elation. "They've got steel toes!"

He smiled, finding some joy in her reaction, like watching a kid reignite the spirit of Christmas when opening their presents after Santa's visit. "I think they're water proof and insulated too."

She practically gasped, her hands flying to her mouth in disbelief, "I can't —,"

"Please." He pushed them into her arms, grinning, "It's the least I can do after — well, attacking you."

She laughed and reached out slowly, taking the boots in her hands with a delicate grip, "Technically, I attacked you first, so it was really self-defense."

He gave her a soft smile with his shrug and leaned forward slightly, "Okay, technically."

She smiled and took the boots back to the bed where she sat down. She even found a pair of thick socks that she gushed over for a few minutes, sliding on the soft cotton while she bit her bottom lip. She took the shoes in her lap and inspected them while she wiggled her toes around.

Steve watched her, amused for a moment, then poignantly saddened the next. The realization that she probably didn't get to have opportunities like this was a painful stab to his gut. He remembered that sort of feeling, of appreciating the smallest things during his modest childhood. He was never one to take hand-outs, but that was a different time and people seemed more inclined to offer. Less people seemed to be giving and more people seemed to be in need these days and the gap between the haves and have-nots was no more staggering to him than in this moment he shared with her. Despite his raging guilt, she seemed to relish in this moment. Appreciating this gift for what it was worth to her — everything. There were probably a lot of tough years behind that young face, but she still just seemed so pure.

She looked up at him and smiled wide, missing the moment of vulnerability before he slipped on a canned grin. As she tugged on the shoes, she squealed, lacing them up and talking to them or herself about all the new adventures she'd take them on.

The smile on Steve's lips slowly turned genuine, infected by her honest glee.

" _God_ ," she groaned and stood up, shuffling her feet and pacing around in a circle, "these are amazing, I can't even remember the last time I got brand new shoes of this caliber." She smiled at him again and looked down, no doubt wiggling her toes behind their steel shield, "Wow, just wow." She moved towards him quickly, throwing her arms around his neck unexpectedly and hugging him tightly. She held him close for a long moment and took a deep breath while his arms curled around her tentatively. "Thanks" She finally whispered when his hands held her back.

"Thank you." He admitted softly. Despite his thoughts resting mostly on Bucky, he had to admit he was shocked by the genuine contact. People weren't callous here, but he had been traveling and hunting. A genuine hug was difficult to come by in his line of life. "You're the first real chance I have at finding Bucky. I need that more than Natasha needs a pair of shoes."

She stepped back, as if hugging him so sweetly had been nothing for her at all. Steve frequently forgot how affectionate some people could be. Being surrounded by government employees, super spies, and generally emotionally stunted narcissists made it difficult to recall just how exactly most people behaved. But then again, she wasn't precisely like most people.

"Doesn't matter, thank you." She replied as she rocked back on her heels with a grin, shoving her hands into her pockets.

He looked her up and down, back in the street rat type clothes she had on before, tattered jeans and a jacket that looked several decades old. She had her shiny new shoes and a big smile on her face that was infectious to be around.

She had an air about her and now that she understood Steve wasn't a threat, she seemed to be a pretty easy going person, finding peace in such a long existence. He had to admit, it gave him quite a bit of hope. Especially since he realized he hadn't been aging since he'd woken up. Add that to the seventy years in the ice; he was suspicious about the extent of the Super Soldier Serum. He'd like to know something about how to survive if he never aged.

"You know," he started, making a point to look her in the eyes and she was looking back up at him with interest, "if you ever need anything, you could let me know." He cleared his throat a little nervously, "I just mean, there's places to stay here, food, clothes, anything…"

She smiled wide with genuine appreciation and then it casually slipped to a sly grin, "That sure is nice for some dude I just tried to kill."

He laughed at the sincerity of her comment, "I know it's just — if you've been around as long as you say you have, if you're really doing what you say you do and you help people because you can, it doesn't mean you don't deserve help too."

She smiled and nodded, "That's kind of you Captain. I'll keep it in mind."

"That's all I ask." He grinned, "Oh, that, and for you to call me Steve."

She scrunched her nose at him, "But that means you won't call me ma'am anymore and I gotta admit, I kind of like it. Makes me feel powerful." She shuddered comically in her boots.

He chuckled, "I think you're one of the only modern ladies who has said that to me." He turned so she could exit the room and they could make their way downstairs to take her back to wherever she wanted to go, "I think I almost got slapped a few times after I woke up, kept telling me I was calling them _old_ — man, things sure did change fast for me that day."

"One, I _am_ old." Sid smiled and Steve just chuckled, "And two, I may not be much of a lady, but I think you're doing just fine Steve."

He followed her out and they stopped at the elevator and Steve rocked back on his heels for a moment, "So, where to, _ma_ _'_ _am?_ _"_

Sid chuckled, the apples of her cheeks rounded and enhanced the child-like nature of her face, "I think I'll just have you take me back to the shelter if you don't mind. It's been a few days and things are probably starting to calm down."

Steve accepted the answer easily enough, "So that family, they're okay?"

She nodded as the elevator door opened, "Yep, last I heard on the grapevine they got relocated and charges were filed. He'll be going away for both spousal and child abuse."

Steve shook his head as they stepped inside, "A damn shame."

She eyed him for a moment, doubtful of his strained tone, "You aren't of the _a woman_ _'_ _s place is in the kitchen_ belief system, are you? I know that was a prevailing attitude in the forties…and fifties and sixties and so on… " She joked quite bitterly.

Steve chuckled, "It was, but I didn't often subscribe to a lot of traditional ways of thinking." He shot her a smile, "My Ma raised me mostly on her own and worked as a nurse, her place was wherever the hell she wanted to be. And as blind as people became after the fact, I grew up in a time where men were at war and women picked up the slack from their absence and did it just as well, if not better. Not to mention three of the five smartest people I know are women. I quickly learned that nothing _really_ limits capability, most people will be what they are no matter what package they come in. Of course that can be good and bad, depending on the person." He glanced at her and she was raptly paying attention to each and every one of his words. He just shrugged and smiled, unnerved by that much ardent attention while out of his uniform, "Things definitely have changed since the 1940s, but not all of it has been for worse."

A grin spread across her features unbidden and she bounced on her toes, "Holy shit, Captain America is a feminist."

Steve just laughed, "People aren't?"

She leaned back against the wall and smiled wide, "Captain America, casually rebellious against the Patriarchy. I'm just learning all sorts of things today." She sounded quite pleased with herself.

He laughed, "Happens a lot around here."

"I can imagine." She chuckled and a peaceful silence grew between them.

"So, how do you feel about motorcycles?" Steve asked abruptly.

He watched as the color drained from her face and she shuddered, "Viscerally repulsed, why?"

He chuckled as the doors began to close, "Looks like we'll be borrowing one of Tony's cars." He turned and poked the number for Tony's garage, "Audi or a hot rod?" He asked, looking back at her.

All he could see was her bouncing furiously on her toes, her grin split wide in excitement, "Something exciting."

Steve just chuckled as the elevator started downwards, "I'm sure I can manage that." He smiled and they continued the journey in silence.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Now we start getting into some more relationship development! YAAAAAY! Also more into Sid's background. There's a lot of intricate comic book nonsense heading your way, but its fuuuuuuuuuun! I love comic book nonsense...if you couldn't tell.**_

 _ **My absolute praises to my beta Lmere. Be thankful she exists so you don't have to read my poorly edited fantasy comic book nonsense. Thank you all for reading, please leave a comment if you have any questions. I try my best not to spoil anything while still explaining whatever I can.**_

 _ **Who is excited for Civil War? I need a trailer like yesterday.**_


	12. Crumbling, Stumbling, Crawling, Falling

12 : Crumbling, stumbling, falling, crawling

* * *

A week passed since Sid had met half of the Avengers. Things had essentially gone back to the same old same old routine and she was currently getting ready to take some left over supplies down to the Morlocks. Not for lack of looking, but she hadn't seen James since she helped him escape from his non-enemy. She was hopelessly worried, but unsure of what to do. So she just kept busy.

She was currently packing up boxes with Jasmine, the middle aged southern woman who ran the shelter with an almost mechanical efficiency, who was hesitant about letting Sid go down into the tunnels alone.

"When you were hanging out with that one man I didn't feel so bad," She began, fitfully packing up the boxes and doing her best to keep her flowing sleeves out of the way.

"I don't need a man to take care of me." Sid growled playfully, "I'm perfectly capable of handling myself." She tucked away a few more packets of soap and toothpaste.

"I'm just saying, all by your lonesome in those dark tunnels…with those _things_ —,"

Sid interrupted her immediately, "Ms. Jasmine, I have _never_ heard you speak like that about another human being in my life!" Sid was actually surprised, the woman had been running the home for the past six years, before Sid had returned, before the aliens, before everything. She opened her doors to every single person on the street and never showed an ounce of prejudice in her body. Not many people were privy to truth of Sid's circumstance.

Jasmine sighed heavily, gripping the box, "I know, I _know_. I hate that I feel that way, but they _scare_ me." She turned and faced Sid with a hint of desperation on her features, "With everything that's going on these days — you can't be too careful."

Sid nodded, still a bit miffed at her, "They're only as dangerous as everyone else. A bad person will do bad regardless of whatever power they possess: money, lightning, rage. These people are just like you and me. They're their own unique person with their own choices and ideas and skills — they've just been shunned too many times to feel good about living up top. These are people that are _persecuted_ Jasmine. You've worked with Ororo for years! You can't tell me you think the same of her."

Jasmine rubbed her temples a little bit, "No, no, of course. You're right. I know they're just like anyone else, I do, deep down. This sort of thing just pulls me out of everything I thought I knew and believed. I'm confused and I'm sorry, me saying that about those people was insensitive and ignorant. I know _nothing_ about them except what the news tells us."

Sid then laughed, a rich bitter sound, "Well that's why! It's all about fear mongering with the news, making it _us_ vs. _them_." She finished with a condescending grandiose terror and then chuckled softly, "It's always the same with something that's _different,_ because the world turns on power and manipulation." She sighed heavily, getting worked up over the age old problem of ignorance and fear, "Fact is, no one _likes_ not knowing things. I get that, when something is new or proves you wrong, of course you want to fight against it — it's survival! But people are just people, Jasmine. They got the same needs you and I got. Don't matter if they got dark skin or light skin or they love the same gender or they can shoot fireworks out of their fingertips! We're all just trying to get through each damn day."

Jasmine walked over to where Sid was standing and packing the box with a little more vitriol than generally needed for toiletries. She got Sid's attention gently and smiled weakly, "I'm sorry, I really am, but if I never said stupid shit and get myself set straight by you I'd never learn."

Sid tried to hold back her smile, "I know Jasmine and you're a good person, I believe that." She took a hold of Jasmine's hand, pale and wrinkled from time and almost the complete opposite of her own. Sid's dark smooth skin was like marble, unfazed by the passage of years. She sighed, even though Jasmine didn't know of her particular gifts, the woman had been kind hearted and the things happening in the world even caused Sid to lose herself, "Things _are_ scary, I'm not gonna disagree with you on that. Just don't get your information from just one source. Hear their side of it too. Even if it scares us because we don't understand."

Jasmine nodded valiantly, "I will, I will, I promise." She pulled Sid in for a tight hug and the ladies held each other for a few moments in silence, "How'd you get to be so damn wise at so young?"

Sid chuckled, "I guess I've just been through a lot."

Jasmine stepped back, moving her hands to hold Sid's face for a moment in a perfect reproduction of motherly compassion, "I know that darlin' I just hate the fact that you got so smart by seeing how wrong the world is."

Sid chuckled sadly, her heart clenching in her chest with those words. "Someone's gotta go through it, I guess."

Jasmine gazed at Sid sadly, "You're the strongest there is." She finished, patting the girl on the cheek. "Let's finish this up, let's get these supplies to your friends. I'll even include some of the cookies from last week to try and make myself feel like less of an asshole."

Sid just laughed as they returned to their boxes, "That's right, that's right, we'll be feasting like kings tonight on your delectable cookie-shaped guilt."

Jasmine just laughed and shook her head, "Well, I am indeed thankful for the people in my life that make me see how the world actually is, not just how I'm lead to see it. The good and bad."

Sid nodded, "And that's why I love you Jasmine. Everyone has bad thoughts sometimes, fear clouds our judgment, we all make mistakes. I'm not gonna hold it against you."

"Well, that's good — especially because I got a kitchen delivery comin' in soon and since your hunk of man is missing, I can't help you finish the boxes." She winked as she strolled towards the door, "Probably wishing you hadn't kicked that new boy to the curb, huh?"

Sid rolled her eyes, "He was a _friend_ and he had to take a trip to visit family."

"I know that tone of _friend_." Jasmine shook a finger over her shoulder at Sid as she left the room with a grin.

Sid just laughed and finished packing up the supplies, trying to keep James off her mind.

—

Hours later she was strolling through the tunnels, she trudged along empty-handed, thinking deeply and ignoring the oppressive darkness around her. The blackness never really scared her, she had spent so much time in these tunnels that she knew them better than herself. In the beginning, Sid and Callisto were some of the few people that had actually mapped out the tunnels, back when they were just a bunch of stupid kids — decades ago.

She kicked at the dirt she couldn't see, wondering just how the world would start changing this time. Before meeting James, before knowing the Avengers and the attack on New York, she had spent her days moving from place to place, helping whoever needed it, trying to find meaning in life through seeing others living it. She'd kept a low profile for the last couple of decades, giving up essentially all worldly possessions and living off the grid while still technically thriving in it.

Now, she felt like she was smack dab in the middle of a world crisis, the Avengers on one side and James on the other. She wanted to help people, she wanted to helpJames, but she wasn't quite sure if she'd do it right. Even if she could find him, she felt like turning him over to Steve would be absolute betrayal. But she also worried that leaving him completely to his own devices without a willing resource to help him would be as cruel as putting a bullet in his head. No one deserved to be tormented and alone. From what Steve said and how James acted, she had a feeling that James probably lost that luxury a long time ago.

She pulled out her lighter and fiddled with it, twirling it in her fingertips like she always did when faced with tumultuous decisions. In the advent of the internet, she found a fantastic person who posted videos of intricate tricks they had taught themselves using a Zippo lighter. Never to be out done, Sid quickly took up the study, stealing away moments in libraries to watch the videos and attempt to memorize them. It took a few months to figure it out, but it was an amazing way to keep her hands busy and help her actively focus.

After doing a quick flip of the lighter, she caught it perfectly, the flame still lit no matter how many times it spun. She focused herself intently on the dancing wisp. She closed out everything else and just stared. She knew she needed to touch it to feel that insane sort of buzz, but she always tried to do it telepathically. She forced the feeling of heat, vibrating within in her, surging forward for that little spark, where she lost herself completely to its wild energy.

It was such an intense oneness between her and whatever element she was manipulating. While she maintained it, it was a beautiful sort of adrenaline rush, pushing a bounty of intensity through her system. When that connection stirred it was like she was truly alive, full of an energy that resonated in her core. The moment it ended though, that moment she stepped back, separating herself from that beautiful chaotic force, she felt immediately drained. It was a bitch of a way to live.

As she stepped forward, gazing at her lighter, she felt more than she saw the flame get doused in the dash of wind. Before the shadows overtook her, there was a slight glint before the dull light died out completely. The little flash was drowned by the shadows, faster than it came and with the darkness, the grip of something viselike clamped down on her neck. She tried to scream, but even air was halted in her throat by the chill of the fingers around it.

She was tugged harshly to the side and thrown against the wall. The second her hands hit the dirt, she felt the connection surge within her and sent stones flying backwards towards whoever was attacking her.

There was an echo of something sharp that pinged past her as she tried to turn, but she felt the force of the person charging at her right before she was slammed against the wall, face first into the grit. She bounced off with a yelp, her brain ringing inside her skull as she rebounded. Her wrists were grabbed mid bounce and then impossibly fast, she was spun around, her hands locked against her pelvis in an ice cold grip. She gasped this time, pulling in the first full breath of air not tainted by dirt. As her head went to collide with the wall on the bounce back, she thought she'd had another chance to get contact with the dirt and send some flying in her attacker's face. But when she landed, her head was caught, in the padded flesh of someone's palm.

She was breathing heavily and struggling against her captor, her hands were bound but in order to keep her away from the wall, her attacker gripped her hair and twisted to keep her compliant.

"S-st-stop." She rasped out, coughing from the dust in her throat.

"What did you do?" He snarled into her ear and Sid's heart broke at the sound. His voice, though deep and threatening had an edge to it, one that cut her deep.

"James?" She sighed into the void, relieved, terrified, exhausted. "James, it's just me, Sid. Let me light some torches and you can see me."

"I —," He started, his grip shifting with the voices caught in this throat. "I can't —, I don't —,"

"James." Sid cleared her throat, "James, listen to me. We are in the tunnels, The Alley, the place you chose as refuge because you knew you'd be safe. You're safe here, I promise."

"What —," he began again, his voice hoarse and halted. His grip tightened in his frustration and Sid let out a painful squeal, trying her best to keep her cries from being too loud. She didn't want any of the Morlocks coming and seeing this. They would try to stop him. He'd likely kill them in this state. He'd likely kill them all. He exhaled at the noise her breath made and his fingers relaxed, "Tell me." He demanded, pain clear in the cracking of his voice.

"What do you want to know? Tell me specifically," she insisted in a calm and soothing voice, "think about this exact moment: you have me, Sid, pinned against the wall and you're upset. Think about what is happening and tell me what you want from me. I will answer and I will be honest."

He nodded, his head so close to hers that they bumped together and in the small moment of contact she felt him, the tune of him, just ricochet through her. "I need —," he paused and took a breath, leaning his head against hers again and finding relief, "I need to know what you said to him."

She nodded as he relaxed his grasp further, her feet finally touching the floor fully again, "What I said to Captain America?" She whispered and he nodded again, driving his forehead into hers, exhaling shakily, "I told him that I knew you, James, that's all. We met after you tussled with some Morlocks and I intervened. Remember?" He nodded again, his grip on her hair was so much gentler than before, "Okay, so then you came and shadowed me. We hung out all the time. I started giving you chores. We became friends. I gave you Dolly. You slept better."

He nodded again, harder still as he tried to ground himself through her, "You gave me Dolly." He repeated, his voice tight.

"I did." She added softly, "I'm your friend. I told him that, but nothing to do with where you were or who you decided to be. He wants to talk to you but I told him that it's your choice, James. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

He grunted and let go of her hands as his metal fist rose, driving into the wall next to her with a resounding crack. Sid flinched at the impact, but he did his best to hold her away from it. "The mission…" He growled, confusion clear through the terror in his tone.

Sid took a risk since she couldn't see him and reached out a slow hand, finding his stomach and touching it gently. She ventured upwards slowly, fingertips to knuckles to palms until her hand rested over his heart. She could trace the faint scars that webbed from his shoulder through his shirt, but her hands stayed still, "James. There is no mission. No one commands you anymore. You are in control."

He sighed heavily, the hand at the back of her head began to shake as he pulled it away from her hair and it slid down her neck, dragging limply down her body. James collapsed to his knees, shaking, hyperventilating as he choked on a sob. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Sid's waist and began to cry tears she was sure he'd been holding in for the last century. It was a devastating sound.

Sid shook as he gripped her in such desperation. Her eyes welled with sorrowful tears and she felt horrified, sick, and terribly, terribly heartbroken. When he asked about a mission, she got a terrifying inkling of the sort of thing he used to do. Watching him fight Steve had been another thing to fill in the cracks. Whatever had been done to him, whatever missions they gave him, she knew she was far out of her depth. She knew absolutely that she couldn't be the one to help him the way he needed. There was such a severe brokenness in him that she couldn't possibly mend it. She couldn't even begin to understand how. The way he curled around her was like a young boy, begging for forgiveness in order to be spared the rod. She wrapped her hands around his head and pulled him closer while his misery was manifested by a stream of tears.

As she slowly sunk to her knees, he adjusted his grip, holding her against him like a lifeline, shaking and heaving like the world would surely end. She just held him close, without a word, without a sound, holding him tightly and refusing to let go. Her arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders and she leaned in, pressing the side of her face into his neck as sobs tempered his lips. What good was a healing power anyway if she couldn't make _all_ pain go away?

After a while, when the sobbing turned to sniffling, then to breathing, and finally to the empty silence of fear, she held James close to her and sighed, "He wants to help you."

He pulled her closer, digging his face into her neck this time, "I don't know if he can."

"Whatever has been done to you, it doesn't need to be undone," She pulled away from him, grabbing the sides of his head and doing her best to focus him in the darkness, "You just need to heal. You don't need to be exactly like before, you just need to _survive_ and you need to _live_ with the scars. They don't have to go away for you to be all right again."

He crumpled against her again, gripping her close and she held him tight, he whimpered against her, "Not yet, I just…"

"Hey," she whispered, pulling him back from the devastating silence with her voice, "it doesn't have to be right now. It just has to happen and I'll help you. I'll help him. I'll do _whatever_ it takes to make you feel like you can survive."

"Why?" He begged, his voice cracking, "Why would you do that?"

She pulled him closer again, "Because if I've learned anything in my life, it's that letting go of the people you love is the greatest pain you'll ever bear. I see it in him and I see something different in you," she took a deep breath and pressed her lips against his forehead, "but loss comes in all forms: death, deception, abandonment, a broken heart — it stings. You don't have to suffer alone. He wants to see you, he wants to help you and I assume that whatever he does will make my efforts pale in comparison. He told me you're like his brother."

A silence stretched on while James's breathing leveled out and his grip on her went from panicked to simply tight.

"He's more." He whispered into her shoulder and the words sounded so haunted, she could only wait a few beats before nodding slowly. Nothing in her mind was a decent enough response for the pain in that statement.

"Let's go back to the shelter and get you cleaned up, okay? Maybe we can get something to eat." She smiled.

His nod was gentle and when he moved it was almost as if he weren't even there in the first place. He reached out a hand to help Sid stand and she took it, appreciating the gesture. She would be ruined tomorrow from hitting that wall. They leaned on each other as they made their way out of the tunnel, slowly but surely finding their way home.

Back at the shelter, Sid got the keys to one of the private rooms usually reserved for families in need and it was thankfully vacated. She guided him through the motions of humanity, while he remained impassive and vacant. Gingerly, she helped him undress and helped him into the shower, seeing for the first time, the full horror of his arm, his scars, and his story.

She did her best to choke back her outrage that someone could do that to another person without remorse. She just helped him wash up while he stared off into nothing, his lips moving in a soundless production while she tended to him. Once they were both fully scrubbed, she guided them out of the shower and she dried herself quickly, sliding on a dry pair of underwear and tank top before turning back to James to help him do the same.

She eventually got him into the queen sized bed, made so small by his mountainous frame and made so lonely by the desolation in his eyes. She curled around him and started talking, telling him a story from when she was younger and first joined up with the Morlocks. She tried to make him laugh, telling him all about how they lived like kings on stolen McDonalds and swiped bottles of malt liquor. She wanted him, for a moment, to see that life _could_ be precious even in the darkest of times, but she just didn't know the way to explain how he would ever get there.

Eventually, her voice began to slur with exhaustion. Her words trailed off into nothing and she slowly fell asleep, listening to the rolling thunder of his lungs that lulled her peacefully into nothingness.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ ***Wailing and gnashing of teeth* uggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh poor bucky. I just want to wrap him in bubble wrap and love him for shits sake... Poor precious cinnamon roll...By the way, if you're on Tumblr, I'm SaraRoseUrBoat, so find me. I am usually just crying about all of the Marvel Universe and talking about gay stuff. 3**_


	13. The Anchor, the Faker, the Ex-Armament M

13 : The Anchor, the Faker, the Ex-Armament Maker

* * *

Their conversation had gone strangely.

That's why she was currently turning circles in front of Stark Tower. She'd walk up to the doors, about to go inside and then do a rather ungainly spin and send herself flying off in the other direction. She spent the next few minutes, hovering on the sidewalk, waffling about like an idiot and trying to get herself psyched up enough to go inside.

Bouncing on her toes, she recounted the conversation she'd had with James a few days before. She had to convince herself to go in there, she had to do it for him.

 _They were sitting in a previously vacated hut in the Alley, far enough from the main tunnels to give James some peace and solitude, but not an area impossible to escape from. The Morlocks had happily opened their arms to James after he had protected Sid and he had made himself rather comfortable for the time being. It wasn_ _'_ _t without an enormous amount of effort and even after_ he _had found them in the tunnels and sent James spiraling, he had a feeling that the real darkness was being kept at bay by the girl sitting in front of him._

 _Sid was lounging against the wall and sipping on a beer, James sat across from her, sipping on a bottle of vodka._

" _So you really can_ _'_ _t get drunk?_ _"_ _She muttered around the bottle_ _'_ _s mouth._

 _He shook his head as he gulped down the vodka, the taste and the burn just familiar enough to feel pleasant._

" _What else can you do?_ _"_ _She sat forward, eager like a child._

 _He eyed her duplicitously after his last gulp,_ _"_ _A lot._ _"_

 _She huffed at his smug smile and took a long pull from her beer,_ _"_ _Okay, I get it, you_ _'_ _re shrouded in mystery and shit, it_ _'_ _s all confidential or whatever_ _—_ _,_ _"_

" _If I told you, I_ _'_ _d have to kill you._ _"_ _He smiled around his sip._

 _She rolled her eyes,_ _"_ _Yeah okay, Mr. Pop Culture. Anyway, I know that you probably went through some horrible shit, I don_ _'_ _t want to know how many people can you kill with your bare hands in thirty minutes, I want to know, like, how many cheeseburgers can you eat before you puke?_ _"_ _She watched his lip twitch,_ _"_ _How many pin up girls could you bench press? Hell, how many sailors can you bench press?_ _"_ _He smiled at that one,_ _"_ _Can you do a multitude of cartwheels in a row without getting dizzy?_ _"_ _With that one he actually laughed, it was a stunted, jaded sound, but it was a laugh nonetheless._

" _Well, how about tit for tat, you tell me what you can do, I_ _'_ _ll tell you what I can do. That way we both know each other_ _'_ _s weaknesses._ _"_ _He took another swig._

 _She gaped at him,_ _"_ _Even if I was a behemoth of a man with a metal arm and a bad attitude, I wouldn_ _'_ _t use that knowledge to hurt my_ friend _. I_ _'_ _d put my talents to good use, like being an antenna for a TV or_ _—"_ _she joked, but then immediately regretted it when James_ _'_ _eyes went glassy._ _"_ _Oh shit, oh shit, what did I say?_ _"_ _She put her beer down and walked over him as he shook his head, trying to dislodge thoughts that were creeping in._

" _It_ _'_ _s like this_ _…_ _screaming._ _"_ _He dropped the vodka bottle and gripped his head._ _"_ _When I think of him_ _…"_ _His fingers dug into his scalp and Sid moved her hands to wrap around the fingers in his hair and squeezed them, trying to ground him,_ _"_ _It_ _'_ _s like a high pitched shot, like metal scraping glass, so close, so sharp but_ _—_ _,_ _"_ _he snarled at the imaginary sound,_ _"_ _I can_ _'_ _t stop it when I think of him, when I see him._ _"_

" _James,_ _"_ _his fingers unclasped from his hair and she withdrew her own, laying a gentle hand on his knee,_ _"_ _Are you sure you don_ _'_ _t want me to go get him_ _—_ _he has friends, they_ _'_ _re so smart! They can probably help you._ _"_

 _He shook his head,_ _"_ _No, no not yet._ _"_

 _She nodded and sat down on the ground, he kicked the mostly empty vodka bottle out of the way so he could sit next to her. Sid provided a strange comfort. She_ _'_ _d always sit on the side with his metal arm and she_ _'_ _d hold his hand. She wouldn_ _'_ _t cringe or twitch when she touched it and she never got tired of the cold metal against her skin. She sat there and held it, like it meant something._

" _Tell me about what you do know._ _"_ _He leaned his head back, taking deep breaths._

 _She chuckled,_ _"_ _Well, I can screw with the elements._ _"_ _He gave a half-assed chortle at that,_ _"_ _I have to be touching it to make it work for me, but I_ _'_ _m never unarmed, there_ _'_ _s always air. Unless someone jettisons me out into space I guess._ _"_ _Her smile faded and her voice sounded sad this time,_ _"_ _But it takes a lot out of me, I feel like it could be dangerous. I want to understand it, but the idea of losing control terrifies me._ _"_ _She paused and leaned into him, closing her eyes and trying to push away that fear and relive the sensation of her connection,_ _"_ _It feels like I_ _'_ _m part of it_ _—_ _like it_ _'_ _s part of me_ _—_ _when I move things, push things. It all feels so effortless, how it all flows through me. It was terrible in the beginning, but I learned to get it controlled. And I_ _'_ _m not irrevocably powerful or anything_ _—_ _I can_ _'_ _t do it all day. It_ _'_ _s almost killed me more than once, I think._ _"_

" _Then why do it?_ _"_ _He rasped and she sat up slowly and looked at him for a second, watching as his eyes fluttered closed, eyelids twitching with fretful thoughts._

 _She smiled knowingly and leaned against him,_ _"_ _Makes me feel alive, like I_ really _exist, it_ _'_ _s tangible_ _—_ _it registers me. It_ _'_ _s nice._ _"_

" _I noticed that._ _"_ _He murmured softly._

" _Noticed what?_ _"_ _She replied, nervous as she looked up at him and wondering just how smart he was._

" _How you slip about_ _…"_ _He said, lifting his hand and wiggling his fingers stealthily._

" _What are you talking about? I_ _'_ _m generally smooth._ _"_ _She tried to joke, but he leveled her with a look._

" _I didn_ _'_ _t sense you._ _"_ _He stated firmly, his eyes flickering over her features in a state of observation and confusion._

" _Not my fault you_ _'_ _re rusty._ _"_ _She looked down at her nails, picking at the cuticles._

" _The first time we met, I didn_ _'_ _t see you, I didn_ _'_ _t hear you, I didn_ _'_ _t even smell you_ _—_ _not until you spoke._ _"_ _He finished and she looked away,_ _"_ _Why is that?_ _"_

 _She gave him an ill-tempered shrug,_ _"_ _I don't know what you mean._ _"_

 _He huffed,_ _"_ _It_ _'_ _s not a bad thing_ _—_ _you gotta admit that it_ _'_ _s probably proved useful._ _"_

 _She snorted derisively,_ _"_ _Yeah,_ useful _._ _"_ _She scoffed,_ _"_ _Try walking down the street, a lost little kid, and people just mow you down. No one is looking, no one is paying attention._ _"_ _She turned on him,_ _"_ _You can float through a crowd because you were trained, I get through a crowd like smoke_ _—_ _only an issue if someone notices._ _"_

" _And who notices?_ _"_ _He asked with little inflection._

 _She sat back hard, regretting the decision when she felt a twinge in her spine,_ _"_ _Usually not the good kinds of people._ _"_ _She spat and they dove into silence._

 _James cleared his throat,_ _"_ _So, then go back to_ him _. He_ _'_ _ll help you._ _"_ _She opened her mouth but he spoke over her,_ _"_ _If he can_ _'_ _t help me, he_ _'_ _ll help you. Maybe that dopey looking scientist and that guy with the stupid beard can help too._ _"_

 _She chuckled,_ _"_ _Are you sending me in first to make sure that it's not some trap to capture you?_ _"_

 _He glanced out of the corner of his eye, a sly smile on his face,_ _"_ _Honestly?_ _"_

 _She glowered and dared him,_ _"_ _Honestly._ _"_

 _He shrugged with a grin,_ _"_ _Not exactly. I think that if they help you understand yourself, maybe it_ _'_ _ll mean some good will come out of all this_ _—_ _you being so involved._ _"_

 _Sid just leaned her head on him again,_ _"_ _It_ _'_ _s important to me to see you safe._ _"_

" _Me too._ _"_ _He admitted, surprised the words came out of his mouth._

" _So James?_ _"_

" _Yeah?_ _"_

" _How do you know what Tony and Bruce look like?_ _"_ _She felt him tense next to her and she couldn_ _'_ _t help but smile,_ _"_ _You wouldn_ _'_ _t happen to be stalking a certain be-spangled man of the armed forces, would you?_ _"_

 _There was a distinct silence for a few beats._

" _So do you want me to do those cartwheels or not?_ _"_

She faced the building again, rising like a spire into the sky, glittering and shimmering and being all over wondrous. It was more than imposing. She felt like if she had a certain genital appendage it would have retreated inside her body by now. She focused back on the doorway and exhaled a shaky breath. Eyeing the monument to Hubris, she filled her lungs again and surged forward, pushing through the glass and holding said breath until the doors closed behind her. She stumbled in, surprised by the thunking of her soles on glassy tile as she straightened up. She looked around and no one bothered to look up in her direction. One of them was who she needed to see to find her way around this monolith.

She strolled up to a kiosk a little less than gracefully, "Hi." She chimed and the young man who sat behind it owned a stunning smile as he suddenly looked up, as if surprised by her presence. His eyes roved over her and she realized that she probably didn't look like much: ratty jeans, a beaten bomber jacket over a simple tank top, and combat boots. Her hair was expertly tied back in its tight braid, tucked up beneath a black cap.

"Hello. How may I help you?" He spoke eloquently and he sure was pretty, but there was a distinct coldness in his eyes.

"I'm looking for —," she started out confidently, but then abruptly froze. She tried to contemplate if it was even remotely possible to just waltz into Stark Tower and ask for Iron Man himself. She stared back at the assistant, whose kind smile was slowly fading into one of suspicious condescension. She remembered that Bruce told her to ask for them, but she wasn't sure if maybe there was a super secret signal she forgot to memorize. She panicked some more, staring open mouthed at the assistant as his hand snaked closer and closer towards the phone, probably to call security. "Steve Rogers!" She blurted a little more than desperately and instantly regretted it.

He scoffed, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raising in surprise, "Excuse me?"

She grimaced slightly but tried to straighten up and look serious. She nodded and put a frown on her face to seem official, "Steve Rogers, I'd like to speak with him. Tell him it's Sid. He knows me."

He picked up the phone, keeping his face in a patronizing mask of politeness, "Sure he does, buddy."

Sid's frown deepened and she opened her mouth, ready to spit about how and where he could shove his _buddy_.

"I believe I can take it from here, sir."

Sid suddenly smiled hearing the familiar voice.

"Uh, Jarvis, uh," The young man paused, stunned staring at his computer, "Sir?" He tried, but obviously felt conflicted about addressing a somewhat sentient computer program with an honorific, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing on the schedule."

Jarvis chimed in again, "Believe me Mr. Worthing, the is a very valued guest to Mr. Rogers." His voice sounded stern, "Do not concern yourself, a different access point will be supplied for next time upon arrival."

Sid shot the kid a smug grin as he gaped at her, floppy lip and all. He glanced around nervously and then whispered, "Please don't get me fired."

She gave him a dark grin and winked at him teasingly, knowing full well he was trying to do a responsible thing keeping a possible threat out of Stark Tower. She did not reply other than that, but Jarvis did for her, making it all that much sweeter.

"Please continue to the last elevator on the right hand side, you'll be taken to Captain Rogers immediately."

She kept her eyes planted on the assistant, allowing a little bit of deviousness as his punishment for being kind of a smarmy prick and her reward for being a decent human being most other times, "Thank you Jarvis." She walked off with a skip in her step, doing her best not to laugh until she got behind closed doors.

When she was inside and the doors closed, she leaned against the sides and started giggling. When she finally got her breath back, she looked up at the ceiling, "How much you think I'd have to give to Tony to get him to put you in a stuffed animal or maybe a tamagochi?"

"Most likely brain tissue samples." He replied as the elevator rapidly climbed.

She frowned looking up at the ceiling in thought, "Would I have to shave my head?"

"Partly."

"Would it leave a scar?" She fired back, gnawing on her thumb in thought.

"Most likely." He added dryly.

She only grinned and shrugged, "I could probably rock that."

The doors sprung open and Steve was waiting in front of the elevator looking like he had just stopped pacing when the doors opened.

"Ma'am." He said, sticking out his hand.

She smiled and took his hand in her grip, feeling that tell tale _buzz_ when she connected to someone's energy, "Captain, it's nice to see you." He had an amazingly calming sort of vibe. It was so strong that Sid could imagine crawling up into his lap naked to take a nap. She stumbled a bit as she stepped forward, the image of her and Captain America naked, now firmly embedded in her mind.

"You okay?" He asked her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder to steady her, "You look like the blood just rushed from your face. No trouble I hope?"

She did her best not to meet his eyes, a simple naked nap had quickly turned into something much more lascivious and it was like she couldn't stop the inappropriate thoughts tumbling in her head as his big, strong hand curved around her delicate shoulder. "Fine!" She squeaked and tried to side step him, taking calming breaths as she did so.

He nodded and just smiled in his curious way, "It's good to see you too, by the way. How have you been?" He gestured for her to walk into the foyer and the more steps she took the slower they became.

The entire floor was resplendent with some of the most beautiful antiquities she had ever seen. Whether they were genuine or replicas, it didn't really matter because this floor — so obviously Steve's residence within the tower — was absolutely gorgeous. Everything looked like it belonged in the forties, from dark woods to plush fabrics, and a beautiful wind up gramophone. She half expected Indiana Jones to come from around the corner and start yelling about how the topiary pot belonged in a museum.

She came to a stop, taking in the entire open expanse. Supple leathers covered some of the accent furniture and dark woods and neutral tones created an atmosphere of ease and comfort. She was shocked to see a gorgeous home theater system and a kitchen full to the brim with expensive equipment that somehow seemed to fit the overall anachronistic scene. He did live with the ever imperious Mr. Stark, some technology was probably unavoidable.

"You remember when you said if I needed anything I should ask?" She muttered as she yanked off her cap and stuffed it in her jacket pocket before unzipping it. She eyed a gorgeous grandfather clock at the corner of his foyer.

"Sure…" He replied, trailing behind her in confusion. He reached up to help slide her jacket off.

She turned to him when he was standing over her shoulder and she gave him a cheshire grin, "I need this place."

He chuckled, a sudden upheaval of the anxiety he was feeling burst from his chest and he appreciated it. "I'll work on that."

She grinned and thanked him for taking her jacket and hanging it for her. He guided her into the kitchen and general pleasantries were exchanged and she eagerly accepted the offer of a sandwich and a cup of soda.

"I promise I didn't just come here to mooch off you." She muttered around a bite of sandwich, "Though it'd be worth the ass kicking, this sandwich is on point." She put it on the plate and swallowed, sitting back and facing Steve who was giving her a bit of a patronizing smile as he leaned on the counter, fingering his own meal. She rolled her eyes at him and continued, "I come bearing certain news. I've found Ja — Bucky."

"Is he all right?" Steve sobered, his face suddenly tense.

She nodded, "He's okay. He's safe and he's managing." She took a sip of soda and sighed, "Whatever happened to him has severely messed with him and he's _scared_." She watched Steve and saw him flinch, "He's _really_ confused Steve. He's hurting — physically. It's like his mind is fighting him off. He flips back and forth between charming and conversational to sullen and empty to suddenly hyperemotional and almost… I don't know, childlike?"

He nodded in response. A sharp agony began to pierce him and he knew he needed to get to Bucky before it was too late, "Can I see him?"

Sid shook her head with a sad dismissal. "He's still scared, but I'm trying. I know _fully_ that I can't give him the help he needs, but I gotta support him." She heaved out a breath, "I'm like scotch tape trying to hold back the flooding of the Hoover Dam."

He chuckled softly, "Even when we were kids, Bucky didn't just open up to anyone. Him and I were close, but we were all we ever had — it had started that way, instantly, it was just me and him." He smiled fondly at the memories, "If he's talking to you at all," Steve paused, catching his voice before it broke, "it means you're helping far more than you know."

She gave him a sad smile, reaching out to place her hand on his, "But I see it. He wants to talk to you, he wants to figure all of this out. I think everything is just a little much right now."

He nodded, absently, he flipped his hand in hers and stroked her knuckles with his thumb in a surprisingly affectionate way, "I understand." He looked thoughtful for a moment, silent and pensive as he stared at the counter. He suddenly seemed to realize he still had company and he glanced at Sid apologetically, letting go of her hand, "Was there anything else?"

She smiled at him nervously, "I — uh, actually came to talk to Tony and Bruce — about my powers and all the tests they were running. I panicked when I got to the front desk. I mean, could I really just _ask_ for Tony Stark at his front desk without preamble?" Steve smiled with a small chuckle, "I mean, how ridiculous is that? Then I started thinking if I should ask for Bruce but I didn't even know if he _was_ here or if he even _wanted_ people to know he was here." His laughter carried a bit and Sid enjoyed it, "And the kid at the desk was so — so impertinent! I just freaked out and asked for you — which wasn't the wisest idea. I probably looked like an obsessed lunatic." She smiled at him and he just kept laughing.

"Wow, Last Resort Rogers — I guess should be used to that by now." He grinned, playing up his woundedness and she positively wilted at the implication that somehow he wasn't good enough.

"That's not what I mean!" She frantically backpedaled, "I mean, if I had to choo —," she suddenly stopped, biting her own tongue and going wide eyed as she overflowed with shame.

"Choose what?" Steve chuckled at her odd expression, obviously not catching on to how that sentence would usually end.

"Nothing." She blurted, "Uh, yeah," she tried to distract him, "if you're not doing anything, do you want to watch me become a lab experiment?"

He chuckled at that, "How about you finish your sandwich, then we'll move onto science."

She grinned and picked it up, "I'm so glad you said that. You're officially my favorite."

He smiled and sipped on his water, "Favorite? Favorite what?"

"Uh duh, my favorite Avenger. You made me sandwiches and let me borrow your clothes. Had all of mine cleaned and stitched, gave me food —,"

"This is Stark's tower you know."

"Avengers Tower, actually." She corrected and he let out an exasperated huff. "Mr. Stark just allowed me to squat here and let me bleed all over his stuff in the hopes he could collect data…" she joked and then waved her sandwich at him. "I can sleep and bleed anywhere I want, it's the glory of being me," she added and then held the sandwich up, revering it, " — this sandwich though, it's a thing of beauty. It's art."

He nodded smugly, "That's good, getting to put some of that talent to use as an artist." He paused then continued, "Captain America: Saving the world one edible masterpiece at a time." He said dreamily, acting as if he could see his name up in lights. When he looked back at her, her face was so animated while she laughed, he couldn't help but laugh right along with her.

He realized then, despite their limited interaction, he enjoyed speaking with her. He was fascinated by how she took such care with each word and used them as often as she could to make anyone around her laugh. He could see why Bucky would find a friend in a person like her.

"Damn right." She took a hulking bite and chewed, leaning back in the chair and gazing at the wall of windows to her side. "Man, this is something." She mused around the lump in her cheek.

"The sandwich or the view?" Steve teased as she turned to devote more of her energy to taking it all in. He came to her side as she nibbled on the sandwich.

"Not just the view," she drawled and pointed at the buildings, the lights, the bustling of the people. Even during the day it was magnificent and rife with life, "I mean all of it — everything just _grows_ and _changes_." Her focus was entirely on the skyline and she was smiling, fond memories flooding her mind of how things can evolve into such magnificent beauty. "I mean over two years ago, this place looked like the catacombs. People were scared and empty and yet all this rose from it." She sighed heavily and took another bite, seeing a building in the distance currently undergoing renovation and then turning back to Steve with enthusiasm, "Humanity man! As weird as all of this is, living like I do, I never get tired of watching it evolve."

He nodded solemnly, thoughtful of her words. It took him a moment to respond and Sid was surprised to notice such hesitancy in his tone, "So…It doesn't bother you?"

She faced him, her focus on the city was broken and those murky green eyes stared back at him, invested in his thoughts, "What? Change?" He nodded and she smiled, "It did for a while." She looked out at the scenery again, smiling, "I've seen some crazy shit, but as long as I've been alive, the good has outweighed the bad."

His head popped up at that, a full frown on his face while he asked, unbelieving, "Really?"

She nodded heartily, "I see more acts of kindness on the street than I've seen bombs in buildings." She pointed out to the skyline again, "All of those people out there don't realize how each day is so important. It gets blurred out with all of the shit that is constantly thrown at them. Most people don't realize that happiness isn't something that you can just _achieve_. I mean, work hard, make money, it's a lot nicer than living on the street, believe me, but they lose sight of the fact that life isn't just happy or sad, it's all littered together, mixed in, constantly coming and going." She looked back at Steve, her eyes seemed tired, "People forget that happiness isn't something you suddenly _get_ , and a lot of people get burnt out and I don't blame them. _I_ did. I wanted to give up, but it's fundamental to human nature — we survive, we thrive, we fight back."

He chuckled sadly, "I guess you're right." He leaned heavily on the counter. He took her moment of reverie to look her up and down in an assessing sort of way. She was so genuinely unique, just like any person can be. She held herself with an unshakeable confidence that Steve could swear was rooted in her gaze. He found her so curious. "How does it work, looking like you do?"

She smiled smugly, "It's vastly different from being an above-average-in-everything, attractive white male, if that's what you're asking."

He flushed slightly, looking contrite, "I meant looking your age. I wasn't intending any insult —,"

She shrugged with a soft smile, "I know you weren't, but that's why I was pointing it out. It's been _hard_." She sighed, "But people have made it worth it. Looking like I do, it's been surprisingly integral to my survival. I mean, I know I'm not much to look at, but it helps. I'm a bit forgettable." She chuckled, "I refashion myself all the time. Redefine who I want to be. In the end its _always_ me, it's just a matter aesthetics and decisions, no one person has to be the same thing all the time. That's ridiculous — not to mention boring."

He frowned, the words sounding suspiciously like something Natasha had said. It made him even more curious about the girl that wandered into his path to Bucky, "What do you mean?"

She shrugged again, grinning stupidly, "I just mean, we all don't have just _one_ destiny. There's a lot of things we can do with our time and people forget that surviving and living ain't the same. For me, I get to walk through experiences more often than most people. I get to learn a lot about myself and other people while living a hundred lives. Whatever, you know? I've never just been one thing, felt one emotion. Different stages may have called for different adaptations, but in the end it's all been me. I don't personally get hung up on labels. Man, woman, straight, gay, there's no such thing as an absolute. We are all very different shades of grey. Some people are more stagnant than others."

"You think all people are capable of being that multifaceted all the time?" He asked incredulously. It sounded exhausting.

She just smiled sadly, "I don't know. It's just as difficult in sixteen years as it is in sixty years. Age doesn't always make you wiser and happier with yourself. Everyone gets lost. I get lost… _a lot_." She glanced at Steve again, "Sometimes things change so quickly, it's hard to adapt, but I try. Usually in trying, I figure out where I'm meant to be."

He watched her stare out at the city, alight with life and he could see how truly she believed every word that she spoke. The smile on her face was pure as she turned to look at him, catching his eyes and being so _engaging_. It was only then that Steve glanced at her lips and realized just how close they were to one another. He straightened up, doing his best to remain nonchalant as he ran a hand down the front of his shirt and her eyes seemed to follow it for just a second.

The doors whizzed open with a shout, sending Steve jumping back about two feet and causing Sid to wobble on her stool and almost crack her head on the counter. Tony had strolled in, his arms spread wide as the doors slowly closed behind him.

" _For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius!_ " He shouted in an overzealous, if poorly executed germanic accent.

Steve frowned and Sid laughed with Tony joining in as he strolled forward eagerly, like a kid in a candy shop just itching to get his fingers on the sweets. In this scenario, the secret of Sid was the sweet.

"I don't get it." Steve admitted bashfully.

Tony rolled his eyes, somehow using his whole body to emphasize just how pathetic a statement Steve just made. Sid just sat there, gaping in horror.

"You've never seen _Young Frankenstein_?" She gasped, looking outright offended.

Steve shook his head, yet another thing he'd somehow missed. "You know, I often don't have time to catch up on every single piece of media I missed in the last century."

Sid just dropped her head, shaking it in shame. When she looked back up at him, he almost flinched with the intensity in her eyes, "Whoever was in charge of your defrosting and preparation for the real world should be fired." She took the last bite of her sandwich and stood, circling around Steve and eyeing him up and down. He turned with her, trailing just a bit behind in her circle. She stopped after two turns, Tony smiled eagerly to the side as she came face to face with Steve, "Looks like I need another mandatory friendship and movie night." She smiled at him mischievously.

"Oh goody," Tony added, sarcastically sweet, "now, can I start poking and prodding you or what?"

"Tony…" Steve had a hard time looking away from Sid's sly grin, but the need to admonish Tony was too great.

"Whaaaat?" He complained, "She came here. I know she wants answers and she _knows_ that despite my glowing reputation and Dr. Banner's unfortunate temperament issues, that we are the most humane and trustful scientists she knows." He glanced to Sid and Steve followed his gaze. She simply shrugged and nodded, "See? She _wants_ me to poke and prod her." He wiggled his eyebrows and Sid bit her lower lip to keep her laughter in.

"Stark…" Steve interjected, finally turning away from Sid, his voice more than stern.

"Jealous?" Tony replied acerbically. The Captain's frown was severe and Tony just rolled his eyes like it was his day job.

Sid just watched them go back and forth, "This is so stellar." She whispered to herself.

"Figures, grandpa grumpy has to ruin all the fun." Tony pouted, "Either way, how about we get this show on the road?"

Sid nodded and turned with Stark to make their way towards the elevator. She looked back at Steve, still standing next to the counter, "Coming?"

He nodded and dutifully followed them, grabbing his and Sid's jackets as they strode past, "If only to make sure he doesn't knock you out and prod you unnecessarily."

"Oh Steve, you know that I don't consider any sort of prodding unnecessary and I wouldn't knock her out, I'd _drug_ her, you thug — and then maybe you, for ruining everything, _always_." Tony grinned coldly and Steve glowered at him as he handed Sid her jacket. "Plus I'm not gonna step on your game Cap, I already have a very willing participant for all the poking, prodding, and drugs I could ever want."

"Good Lord…" Steve exhaled, rubbing his forehead where a powerful headache started to form.

Sid just kept trying to hide her chuckles behind her hand as they stepped into the elevator.

"Knock it off, you'll encourage him." Steve added, admonishing Sid with an exaggerated seriousness.

"I'm sorry." She managed to squeeze out between her giggles.

"No she's not." Tony spat as he patted the inside of the elevator, letting Jarvis know they were ready to move.

"No," she shook her head, her shoulders shaking from withheld laughter, "I'm really not."

Steve hung his head, playing up his disappointment despite the smile itching beneath his frown. He had to admit he liked to see her laugh so hard.

* * *

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _Thank you for reading! Same old same old. Sorry I'm late for updating. Things have been a bit nuts all with whats happening around the world and stuff... I hope everyone is safe and okay. Please leave me a note if you've got anything to say... Anything at all. I'm not gonna pretend I'm not desperate to know exactly what you're thinking. I'm super desperate. I'm trying to start writing again and I'm worried that this story that I love so much will just not make sense to other people._**

 ** _But thank you to those who have commented, guests, Dirtyhands_** ** _, Demona Evernight, Ladymoonscar, read4everz, and of course my wonderful beta, Lmere. Brilliant person that she is :D_**


	14. Second Star on the Right

14 : Second Star on the Right…Not left! That takes you someplace weird…

* * *

Tony brought them both to the lab, practically skipping down each hallway. Sid just watched on, terribly amused by the way science seemed to tickle Tony. Steve just smiled as they walked, hoping that if all went well, Sid would start to see him and his friends were not so bad and maybe she'd be able to convince Bucky to meet with them.

They wound through the impeccable hallways of Tony's research and development floors. Back into the rooms where more and more security measures were necessary and less and less people worked. Sid was surprised by how strict Tony seemed to be in regard to his work place — not that he shouldn't protect it. Just judging by what she had seen in the news about him, he didn't seem to even remotely enjoy appearing buttoned up.

"So, we did everything we could with all of the samples we took." Tony mentioned, speaking over his shoulder as he sauntered forward.

"And?" She asked, tentatively.

"We've found some interesting stuff, but I'm not sure you'll believe me when I try to explain." He added, slowing down slightly to lean closer to her, "I don't usually care enough to dive into the biology of a person, even people who are, you know," he gestured up and down her entire body, "whatever. But what Steve told me, what you can do, it sounds like something I don't want to live without seeing."

She frowned slightly, "I don't understand what that means."

He gave her a grin, "I'm just saying you're fascinating is all. By what you've told us and your whole distraction with Cap, it's obvious you aren't a fighter. You're probably the type that comes in after a war and somehow makes everything okay again." He eyed her for a moment as if she were contaminated, "Like a real-life good person. It's weird." He picked up his pace again and Sid elongated a few of her steps to catch up while Steve hovered behind them.

"So, I'm not a fighter — I've never wanted to be, why does that matter?" She asked.

"Well," Tony hemmed and hawed, "thing is, there's lots of sick stuff out in that world, sweetie. A lot of bad people. There's a certain factor about you and how you live that I assume you picked up from the streets for a reason. Your lifestyle helps avoid attention and thus you avoid those types." He glanced at her again thoughtfully, "Once we go through all of this, I'm going to purge all of your information, ensure you stay as anonymous as you want."

"You'd do that?" She tried not to gasp, "E-even if I'm something _else?_ "

Tony clicked his tongue, "Bingo. I don't really care about sharing your business around the world. I'm a realist in a lot of ways, I do what benefits me, and I'm a curious little shit." He mumbled sarcastically, sweeping a side glance at Steve. "Also, I already know one alien, why not add another name to the roster?"

"R-roster?" Sid stammered, "I don't have a vendetta to settle with the world at large. I'm not like you guys."

Tony waved her words away, "I didn't mean it like that. Look, I fight the bad guys because sometimes I get angry about things I can't do. It's not a super happy way of life — because human pond scum tend to pop up like daisies — but it's mine." He skipped in front of her, turning sharply to walk backwards while he spoke, "You on the other hand, do your small works and all that kindness crap. I doubt you've ever really hurt anyone in your entire life without a good reason."

"She threw a wall at me." Steve mentioned in an off-hand and not accusatory sort of way.

"As you so artfully told me before, she was protecting Barnes." Tony piped over her shoulder and then focused back on her, "Thing is, I ardently believe we need more of that in the world, give this planet some of its dignity back. We need more little guys, holding up the foundation, not just a bunch of super humans waving their enormous egos at each other. If I report you to whoever or publish my findings — you get sucked into a whirlwind of subcommittees and people sticking you with things. That seems like something you would want to avoid."

Sid nodded emphatically, feeling the beginnings of tears in her eyes. She never was any good at taking compliments, "Thanks Tony. I just want to figure out more of who I am, maybe it will help me sort a few things out."

Steve shot a quizzical look to the back of her head, wondering what sort of things left her with such an odd tone in her voice. She seemed to be a very caring person, living a life that she'd decided on and doing what she loved. He wasn't sure he'd met anyone else with such a passion for life and people. She had mentioned she tried very hard to be herself no matter how she changed — different words, different clothes, different hair — those things don't dictate who she is, they were only a reflection. He thought that she seemed to have a pretty satisfying life, knowing just who she was and living so freely. She seemed to posses such conviction that he was honestly a little bit jealous.

He watched the way that she walked: relaxed and confident in her own skin. Each step was fluid and it seemed like she never actually _stopped_ moving. Her momentum, how she carried herself, it just didn't seem possible to halt. She always used to her hands to speak or her body would turn and engage itself in the conversation. She seemed so sure of everything that she did and the space that she filled. But fifty to sixty years was a long time to live on the streets, trying to survive as everything changed.

Tony burst through the lab doors with a shout to Bruce. Sid followed on, chewing on her thumbnail and smiling.

"Hi Sid." Bruce waved and walked over, "How are you feeling since the last we saw you?"

She nodded a greeting, "Tip top shape, doctor."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." He directed her to one of the many countertops in the room, lined with papers. "Follow me and we can get started on explaining your test results."

Sid nodded, a swirl of panic creeping up to her throat. For a long time, she didn't know who she was or where she came from. Her memories of childhood weren't all that trustworthy with so many gaps in the information littering her brain, it probably left more forgotten than recalled. Her memories didn't become much clearer until she started living at the commune, where she got to be a real kid. She'd had fun, learned things, tried her hand at different jobs on the farm. She felt established and confident in how she was living up until her late teens.

That's when her powers appeared. It was odd, she'd be running around barefoot and she'd trip out of nowhere, look back and see a giant lump in the ground that she'd earlier missed. When washing dishes or bathing, there'd be times when she'd go to touch the water and it would move away from her, as if petrified of her presence. Fire had always been a bit of a fear of hers anyway, so she stayed apart from it mostly, but on cold nights, she'd reach out to the fire and feel more than warmth. The wind had always been her favorite advantage. Her favorite thing to do was stand in the grass during windy days, watching leaves get sucked up into currents of air using the sky as its canvas and the fall colors as its palette. She remembered moving her hands with leaves, playing with them, acting as if she were the one to be making them dance. It always felt so freeing. These little things always gave her pause, but never really bothered her. It didn't really seem all that possible so she pretended it wasn't until it was too late.

That's when she decided to leave the compound and try the city life. It was a shock to say the least and it didn't go very well at all for quite some time. She was determined though, to give life a chance.

"Now I want you to take a look at these tables over here." Bruce said, breaking her out of her reverie. He pulled up a holographic image, showing percentages of different elements that were present in her system, "Now according to these, you have all of the same relative genetic and elemental components of the average human body. From what we can tell, you have all the same organs, excluding the spleen and your appendix. We would need some deeper scans to check out specific organ function, but it can wait." He flipped up a new screen that held a three dimensional view of her x-ray, "Your skeletal structure is relatively the same. It's common to have some variations that aren't considered drastic mutations, but, for example, your tail bone is significantly shorter than the average human."

Sid frowned comparing the average mixed race female skeleton that Banner super imposed onto hers, "Is that an issue?"

"It doesn't appear to be." Banner concluded, "In fact a lot of your joints and, wait a second —," he pulled up some MRI views of her skeletal junctions, "your tendons and muscle groups are formed slightly differently than the average human. Ever roll an ankle so bad you couldn't walk?"

She shrugged, "Yeah of course I've broken a thing or two, but they heal."

He nodded, "I just mean simple things even sprains and bruises? Like bumping into a doorknob or stubbing your toe too hard?"

She shook her head, pursing her lips, "I'm clumsy, but most stuff doesn't leave a mark even if it hurts. Most serious injuries resulting in physical damage were sustained from —," she paused, glancing at Steve and Tony and exhaling softly with an odd sort of shame, "assaults or self-defense."

"So a lot has to happen before you go down." Tony interjected, noticing the tone of her voice.

Sid looked down, shrugging, "I don't know — I don't feel like I'm extra tough. I still feel pain, I still get the snot kicked out of me, but I'll eventually heal. Most of the time, I just try escape. It's not exactly something I'm eager to be testing the limits of."

Tony nodded, "Onto a lighter note…" he threw out his arms which spread another hologram into the surrounding space as lights dimmed.

Staring around, she saw a three dimensional reconstruction of rounded structures, moving and vibrating near each other. They were in a constant state of flux as they traveled around inside of a membrane.

"This is a cell…" Tony announced with gravitas to the stunned people in the room. In his normal tone he continued, "You'll notice that some of these structures look familiar. That's seems to be a mitochondria," he pointed to one, then the next, "microtubules look familiar as well," and to the last one, "and my personal favorite, the golgi apparatus."

Sid's eyes widened. In her life she had very few chances at a formal education. Without papers or parents, she couldn't go to school and she wanted to avoid foster homes from what all of the people at the commune had to say about them. Most of her grasp on the world came from rainy days spent in the library, devouring books as quickly as she could. She also met a lot of interesting people on the streets — previous lawyers, electrical engineers, scientists, writers — she'd do anything to talk to them, learn from them, discover the world through their eyes. It's why she could relate to Tony and the look of absolute glee on his face as he gazed at the 3D picture. For some people, knowledge was an addiction.

"The _really_ cool thing is that guy." He pointed to a circular shape that was free floating at the moment.

"What's that guy?" Steve finally spoke, sounding breathless in the face of the magnificence of science.

"I have _no_ idea." Tony grinned from ear to ear.

"You are built from very similar building blocks — there's a few unknown elements floating around in your system that we can't identify, but we'll try. You look like us, act like us —,"

"Eat _more_ than us." Tony interjected and Sid nudged him on the arm with a grin.

"But it's like —," Bruce stuttered, waving his arms around within the cell rendition and just seeming so speechless.

"You took a somersault forward on the evolutionary chain." Tony said abruptly, his face went blank as his mind diverted all power towards processing his thoughts. He clapped his hands and the image disappeared, the sudden sensory difference caused everyone to jump as Tony raced towards his computer and started inputting data.

"What are you looking for?" Sid asked, trailing after him.

"I don't know yet, but I'm wondering if any of your elemental components give off a radiation we can identify." Tony rattled out and typed away.

"Radiation?" Bruce took a step backwards, away from Sid, "I didn't think about that."

"It might give us a clue to either your powers's functions or at least their origins." Tony added.

"Could you tell me more about your gifts?" Bruce asked, walking up to Sid again and showing her to a chair, "Maybe be as specific as you can?"

Sid nodded and took a seat, Steve followed closely, listening in and keeping an eye on Tony's erratic behavior. She cleared her throat, "Yeah, I guess. Do you have any specific questions for me?"

Bruce shook his head, "Not really, just go ahead and start and I'll interrupt if I need to."

Sid exhaled heavily, glancing at Steve who was rapt with attention, "Well, I can mess with water, the earth, fire, and air. I have to be touching it for it to work, like actual skin to compound contact, I think. I also can heal people."

"Does controlling elements have a specific sensation?" Bruce probed.

Sid squinted in thought, trying to find the words, "It's like I can feel it moving, like it's resonating."

"Like a bus passing on the street and feeling it rumble up your legs?" Steve mentioned absently and Sid nodded and shrugged.

"Almost, but it's so much smaller and gentler." She emphasized. "I don't know, it's weird, but it's a connection, like a part of me. I just can feel it become an extension of my body."

"Do you actually have to command it? Any words or movements that you do specifically to make it work?" Bruce asked while jotting something down.

"Those moves you did, in the tunnels…" Steve mentioned thoughtfully.

Sid flinched, feeling bashful as a blush heated her cheeks, "Yeah, I uh, do those cause it's more fun." She shot him an apologetic smile and turned back to Bruce feeling sheepish, "I don't know, movement helps, you know? It makes me feel like I'm connected to it. Air and water are so fluid and smooth and the earth is hard and ragged, fire is consuming, passionate — I just sort of move with it. It's like taking a step or bending my arm. I don't have to consciously tell water to move, it moves like it's just supposed to."

"So that's what you mean when you say it's a part of you?" Bruce asked, leaning forward on his arms.

"Yeah, at first it was so reactive, like an automatic response like blinking or breathing. Eventually it became more like a conscious action when it needed to happen." She reached out and grabbed one of Bruce's papers and held it between two fingers so it stood straight up with a slight bend up the center. Slowly, the paper started to flutter in her fingertips and she let it go. It floated up slowly, rippling as currents of wind played across it in opposite directions, keeping it floating in mid air with only a delicate disturbance.

"May I?" Bruce said, raising a hand towards the paper.

Sid nodded and Bruce reached forward, placing his hand next to the shuddering slip. The rippling stuttered a little bit, but Sid's face screwed up in concentration, her eyes shut slowly and she managed to keep the paper in place with Bruce's hand in the way.

Bruce smiled wide, glancing at Tony and Steve as if to implore that they needed to try it. The sensation was so soft and so gentle, he barely noticed at all. He blinked slowly as tiny currents of wind licked up the back of his hand, tickling the hairs on his knuckles in an indescribable way. "Wow." He said softly, pulling his hand away while Sid opened her eyes and caught the paper between her finger tips again, making it stand up straight as she held it still.

She looked over at Steve who was smiling at her in a very sweet way, impressed and almost looking proud. If he was willing to confess, he might say that he _was_ proud of her. Whoever she was, she had come into his life in a crucial way. Everything he continued to learn about her made him more confident she'd be the one to help him save Bucky.

"AH!" Tony shouted, drumming his hands on the table in absolute glee, the moment was lost as Steve, Bruce, and Sid all jumped in surprise.

"What?" Bruce said, hopping up from his stool and running over to Tony's side.

"I knew it!" He shouted and turned the screen for Bruce to see.

Bruce slid off his glasses and squinted at the screen while he cleaned them. When he pushed them up onto his face and read the units on the screen that were fluctuating in waves, "Very low levels of non-ionizing radiation, radon, gamma rays, and —," Bruce paused, squinting further at the readout, "that can't be right."

"It's right." Tony said, still elated.

"Can you take a reading right now?" Bruce questioned.

Sid and Steve glanced at each other nervously. When he looked away, Sid took a step back away from all of them, wondering if she was putting off some sort of toxic radiation that would kill anyone in her general vicinity. She kept taking slow steps back as Steve moved forward to get a closer look at the screen. The men chatted amongst themselves for a few minutes, arguing over the read outs.

"There's _nothing_ showing up." Tony pointed to another set of data figures, "She's not emitting anything."

Sid paused from her desperately stealthy retreat and almost shouted in her relief, "I'm not?!"

The men all turned around and saw her halfway across the room, hiding behind a metal chair.

"What —?" Steve began to ask, but couldn't even finish in his state of confusion.

"I was —," she paused and stepped from behind the chair, smoothing out her clothing. She walked forwards slowly, like a scolded child, "I thought I was irradiated and I didn't want to kill any of you or scramble your genetic, er, _prospects_." She hinted with an acerbic sweetness.

Tony covered his crotch and took a slow step behind Steve. Steve noticed and stepped away from him with a scowl.

"What, you're like the missing link here, I'm sure your tiddlywinks will be fine." Tony snapped and Bruce just tried not to laugh, rubbing his forehead in thought.

Sid took a few cautious steps forward, "So I'm not going to turn anyone into mutant teenage turtle ninjas?" Steve just stared at her as if she were insane. She rolled her eyes, flailing her arms up in resignation, "You haven't seen _Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles_ either!?"

Steve gave her a tired glare and turned back to Tony who looked like he wanted to keep talking. "So radiation?" He probed.

"On a _cellular_ level, Steve." Tony grinned, vibrating where he stood, "The science of this is so fascinating." Sid shrugged and shot him a grin.

"What kind? I know you mentioned the other ones, but it seemed like there was something else and it was important." Steve now talked to Bruce, who was back to staring at the screen.

Bruce chuckled, "She's got really high readings for GCR."

"GCR?" Steve questioned, unfamiliar with it.

"Galactic. Cosmic. Radiation." Tony emphasized, "She's got space juice running through her."

Steve grimaced and Sid balked, "That sounds so gross. Don't say it like that." She muttered unhelpfully.

"Kinds we've never seen before…" Bruce muttered, staring back at the graphs.

"So I've got space blood?" She asked, incredulous.

Tony grinned, "Anything tricky about those powers of yours?"

"Uh," She frowned, "Using them drains me and uh, I guess, it's a little harder at night?"

"You get solar charged?" Tony asked, excited.

"Maybe?" Sid replied hesitantly, "I don't know maybe its affected by my circadian rhythms or something!" Sid sounded confounded. "You know more than I do about the intricacies!"

"So she's like Superman?" Steve smiled at his own pop culture reference — he'd recently gotten into some comic books and had actually been having a bit of fun with seeing how they changed over the years. Superman was one of his favorites.

"No, she's not like superman, that's idiotic!" Tony snapped, turning to face Sid with a grin, "Steve said you started glowing all sorts of colors near the end of the fight, before you pulled a tunnel down on top of him —,"

"Sorreeeee." Sid whispered to Steve which made him chuckle.

"—maybe you aren't Superman, cause you're technically _from_ earth…ish. Maybe you're a fairy." Tony paused and his face lit up with childish delight, "Like Tinkerbell." He stared at Sid in awe and spoke in a stage whisper, "A Space Tinkerbell."

" _Tinkerbell?_ " Sid complained. "How's that better than Superman? I could have _laser_ vision!" She said, pulling on the bottom lid of her eye as she glared at Tony, seeing if there was anything to it.

"For one thing, she's got killer legs!" He replied while sliding back behind Bruce.

" _Tony_!" Steve said, hitching a hand on his hip while the other went to stem off the headache that was forming.

" _What?_ She's got magic fairy dust and killer legs, Sid's got space radiation and killer legs." He shot back, looking again at Sid he said, "By the intransitive property, Tink, I think we need a bigger boat."

Steve frowned and looked to Sid who was staring back at Tony quizzically, "Don't look at me, he's mixing pop culture references and math, that don't make no sense to me." At least that got a soft laugh out of Steve.

Tony sighed, exhausted by the leaps in logic he had to force them to make, "We need to bring in bigger guns!" He patted his biceps enthusiastically.

"Bigger guns?" Sid sounded surprised, "Who has bigger guns than these two?" She muttered pointing at Bruce and then poking Steve's bicep, only to be incredibly distracted by the feel of it underneath her fingertip.

"I'm not just talking big guns — no offense, guys," he muttered to Steve and Bruce, "— we need the _biggest_ guns, guns of _galaxies._ " Tony urged.

"You want to bring in Thor?" Bruce questioned.

"I do — and we should officially bring in Natasha and Clint too." Tony replied.

"Guys, guys," Steve interrupted, "Sid said she _didn_ _'_ _t_ want this to be a big spectacle. Is that still right?"

Sid nibbled on her lip, looking up at Steve, "I guess it couldn't _hurt_."

Steve stepped closer to her, placing a gentle hand on her arm, "Are you sure? You don't need to let the science brothers over here pressure you into it."

Sid put a hand on his arm and squeezed, "I promise, I'm sure. I can finally find out who I am. It might… explain some things for me."

"You know, you're still a good person Sid, with or without some sort of galactic space power." He kept eye contact with her, intent on making sure she was comfortable with what was happening.

"I know." She shrugged and he moved his hand up to her neck, squeezing her there gently in an affectionate way. She felt the heat rise up in her skin at the gesture, despite it being kind and not in the least bit lecherous, "Thanks Steve."

"You're welcome." He finished, his eyes flicking to his hand on her neck and he pulled it away with an odd jerk. He was not completely sure why he had put his hand there in the first place, it just seemed natural in the moment to reassure her. It was as if he'd done it out of habit instead of making a conscious decision.

She smiled and cleared her throat, "Okay, I guess that means I'm meeting Thor." She exhaled and her eyes went a bit glassy above a slowly widening grin, "Oh my god, that's the coolest thing I've ever said."

"Are you sure? Cause some of the things you were yelling at Steve the other day pretty much made my year." Tony chuckled as he went back to the screens. Sid glanced at Steve, giving him a pathetically sweet smile and he just shrugged.

"She called me stupid, trust me, I've been called worse by other people in this room who shall remain nameless." Steve replied and Tony just snorted.

Bruce stood next to Tony, staring at the screen for a moment before turning to Sid again, "You know, it might do us some good to get some samples before he arrives."

Sid cringed feeling the rumblings start as her stomach growled loud enough for everyone to hear, "Excuse me." She mumbled softly.

Steve just laughed, "No, she's got the right idea." He added as he pat his own stomach, "I'm starving."

"Between the two of you, I'm going to run out of food." Tony spat from behind a screen.

Sid cringed, "Sorry, I never seem to be able to say no to food. Don't know how often I get a full meal, let alone a delicious one — and you my friend, have a lot of delicious food."

Tony waved her off barely paying attention any longer, "You're always welcome here, Tink."

Sid smiled brightly, "Thanks."

Bruce stepped forward, "Go ahead, come back whenever you feel like it. If we are here, we'll run some non-invasive tests — _always_ non-invasive. I promise that."

Sid nodded, feeling relieved, "Good."

Steve put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him, "How about we take a break and go get you some dinner?"

She smiled wide, "Thanks Steve, that'd be wonderful, though I have to admit, I didn't bring any of my money with me."

"I'll take care of it." He waved her off with a grin.

She nodded and chuckled, "Okay, but I'll take the check next time."

He offered her his arm again, something that seemed to be a natural inclination around her, but this time he didn't stop himself. He prepared for Sid to recoil or give him a dirty look, but she glanced down at his arm and rolled her eyes gently, smiling the entire time.

She reached out and took his arm with a chuckle, "Lead the way, sir."

"Yes ma'am." He nodded and they made their way towards the exit companionably.

"Tony…" Bruce whispered but Tony remained impassive as he typed away.

"Tony!" Bruce said in a harsh whisper and poked Tony in the shoulder as he watched Steve shifted to say something softly into Sid's ear that made her laugh enthusiastically as she leaned against him.

"Tony." Bruce instead with an edge to his normal voice. Bruce jabbed him harder a few more times until Tony reached a hand back and tried to slap Bruce's away which only resulted in more childish behavior.

" _Tony_!" Bruce finally growled through the slapping fit that had suddenly escalated.

The room was empty now and Tony looked around, frowning deeply, "But —," he paused and then his mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. He turned to Bruce, gobsmacked, "Did Captain America just ask Space Tink out for an early-bird dinner?"

Bruce just bit his lower lip, nodding quickly.

Tony stood up frantically, upheaving the stack of papers on his lap, "Oh my god!" He muttered as they all scattered on the floor and he seemed to be needed in a hundred different places at once.

Bruce didn't think he'd stop laughing for days.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **I'm a human trashcan. Not only did I forget to post last week, but I'm also late this week. To make you love me, I'm posting three chapters this weekend. Not only that but I might actually be a ghost, with a spiritual attachment to my computer I left behind after the Civil War Trailer killed me... Honestly... I'm dead. I legitimately cried and I never cry (because who needs emotions?)... I cannot wait for this movie to come out. My poor babies...Steve, Bucky, Tony... I can't take it. Everyone better be friends, post haste...**

 **Anyways, two more chapters to follow in order to bribe your forgiveness. Hope any Americans had a happy Turkey Day and I hope the rest of the world has a wonderful weekend!**


	15. Six Impossible Things after Dinner

15 : Six Impossible Things after Dinner

* * *

Sid and Steve began a simple routine. They grabbed lunch every two weeks or so and discussed Bucky's status. Though Bucky was still not willing to meet up with Steve, it didn't stop Steve from receiving vague updates from Sid. Sid didn't know much about exactly what Bucky was doing at all times, but she tried to visit him every day. The few times that she didn't catch Bucky in the tunnels, she kept it to herself, knowing that part of his healing process needed to be self-prescribed as well. So she usually had plenty to update Steve on.

Eventually, they started talking more and more about themselves during these conversations, sharing laughs and discussing how times had changed. Bi-monthly meetings between strangers turned into weekly meetings and then into bi weekly meetings for lunch as friends. Sometimes, a dinner would get offered here and there if Steve was in town.

Steve always enjoyed hearing Sid speak about the ever changing world. She discussed some of her favorite trends, the most influential people in society, and how it all came together and affected her. One day she even made a new and improved list of things Steve needed to educate himself on if he really wanted an insight to societal growth. Though she didn't try to convince him to get into social media, she had at least showed him how to use some of the more prominent sites if he wanted to gather intel. This was another topic during their most recent dinner.

"Teens and young adults have always been the ones to stimulate social change. As much as people like to think that getting old brings you wisdom, it's actually _new_ minds that can be the most insightful." Sid insisted over the ramen noodles they were sucking down. "To be honest, it's why I like to keep playing on my age. I learn a lot from kids at shelters and on the streets. We do our best to reach out to the ones that need help, but there's always people that fall through the cracks." She sighed and swirled her noodles around her chopsticks, "It's why I work so hard, especially with families and troubled youth, they tend to get overlooked. I learn more from their _insolent_ behavior," she muttered sarcastically while rolling her eyes, "than I would just reading out of some canned, government-issued-and-approved book on the subject."

"I remember being terribly impulsive as a teen." Steve chuckled swirling noodles around his fork, "I got into fights almost every day growing up."

"Wait, am I supposed to understand that _you_ were the bad kid?" Sid smiled before sipping on her iced tea.

Steve chuckled, spooning up some broth with the tiny ladle the noodle shop gave him, "I just stood up to the wrong type of people all the time."

Sid shook her head, "That sounds precisely like a trouble maker and that's _exactly_ what I mean. Unless there's a new mind to sit back and _see_ how wrong something is, the issues, like defending basic human rights that should be important to us, wouldn't get brought to light."

"Someone has to stand for injustice." Steve agreed, thoughtfully.

"Totally!" She was obviously enthralled with the topic, "Man, I would have loved to meet you before you got all Captain America-y."

He chuckled, that was probably the strangest thing someone had said to him, "I wasn't much to look at."

She waved him off, "Please, did they replace your face too when they added all those muscles?"

He couldn't stop the blush this time, but he huffed out a laugh, "No, I guess they just made me a body that matched it better." He took a slow sip of his drink, "I had a _huge_ head."

Sid laughed, "Come on, I mean everyone knows the mythos of Captain America, hell, even in the late 60s 'Timely' was still putting out his comics and people still had a little bit of patriotic hope clinging to their bones. He stood for something that people believed in — it was a shame they tried to use it against us and turned him into a propaganda mill _._ People were curious and questioning and a lot of them got that from Good Ol'Cap — always searching for the truth — so they saw through it. They _always_ try to pull him out to rally the troops and sometimes they did it better than others. The government sowed so much distrust during the time and people were sick of it, but I digress." She waved her tangent off and sighed, looking at up at him with a grin, "It's iconic and it's crazy to think that he was based on you," Steve felt the heat of inadequacy rise in his chest, but Sid continued after a hefty breath, "Cause you are _infinitely_ better." She smiled fondly, a childlike sparkle in her eyes as she complimented him.

Steve frowned slightly at the words, he had been concerned by how his image had gotten warped during his time in the ice. He understood how it eventually fell to the wayside during the changing times and he didn't mind that aspect one bit. What he didn't appreciate was being used in the ways Sid mentioned, but he could do nothing about it now. He hoped he could live up to what Sid saw in him, but how could he be better than The Shield, than what it stood for? He scoffed lightly at his thoughts, peeling his eyes away from Sid's beaming face. How could he be better than an icon? Most days he just felt like a lost relic. The world surprised him less often than he expected and there was an endless of stream of _bad_ just lurking in every dark crevice of the universe. It was exhausting, especially given everything Steve and Bucky had lost.

"I tend to wonder how things would have turned out…if I didn't crash." He chanced a glance at her, wondering if she'd think he sounded as lame as he thought he did. Most people told him it was a miracle, that his survival was just what they needed in the troubled times. They would promise that it all happened for a reason. Yet he still had difficulty finding one.

Sid nodded while slurping her drink, "I'm sure you do, but it won't do you any good. You have to wonder how things will turn out with what you do _now_."

He sniffed out a derisive laugh, "I feel like I barely have a handle on that."

"Nor should you." She said in an offhand way as she gathered some more noodles.

"What?" Steve looked up, almost affronted by the simplicity of her statement.

She shot him back an incredulous look, "That's not life, _knowing_ how you're gonna react. The decisions you make from tough choices are just a testament to who you are as a person. Everyone is always growing and evolving and creating new patterns." She leveled him with a serious stare, "You're a good man Steve Rogers, there's nothing that makes me doubt that."

He exhaled heavily, his throat tight, "I feel like I can never do enough."

Sid reached out a hand and entwined her fingers with his, squeezing it in a reassuring way, "You can't, really. I can't either. I will keep helping the homeless until I'm blue in the face, but I'll never be able to help every single one, not alone."

Nibbling on his lower lip, he nodded and sighed, "It's a bitch, isn't it?"

She patted his hand and sat up straight to stir her noodles again, "It really fucking is."

He snorted at that and looked up at her from under his eyelashes. She was looking back at him, smiling, trying to convey that sweet sort of comfort she _always_ automatically supplied. He shook his head and laughed, "I don't know how we can keep having these existential conversations and yet you still seem to make me laugh. Even when I feel like the crud on the bottom of someone's shoe."

Sid smiled and nodded at the half-compliment, "I have a talent for making inappropriately happy comments when things are awful." She sounded so smug about it.

He chuckled and nodded with fervor, "You do."

They chewed their food in silence and when Steve polished off his extra large bowl, he sat back and watched Sid eat for a while.

Graceful she was not. She always shoveled copious amount of food in her mouth as if it were disappearing before she could finish. He remembered that feeling. He knew it had to do with struggling through life, always being hungry and wondering when his next meal would show up. He remembered plenty of times during the Depression when he and Bucky had gone without. He remembered that sort of pain in his gut when he hadn't eaten in so long and he'd be so weak that he couldn't even try to work. He'd felt so helpless. Yet here she sat, going through the same kind of stuff and just radiating this strange sort of purity of spirit.

"So you —," he began, clearing his throat while he avoided eye contact, catching her with half a mouth full of noodles and the other half hanging down into her bowl, "you — you're holding up, okay?"

Sid nodded through her bite. "I am." She mouthed around her noodles.

He smiled a little weakly, " _How?_ "

She chuckled, putting a hand over her mouth as she finished chewing. After her lengthy swallow, she said, "Some days I don't know, but it just happens. I just push through." She took her last bite and sat back sated, "It's not easy, at all, but I just don't know what else I should do."

"Any hobbies?" He joked and she laughed.

"All of my hobbies got me in _a lot_ of trouble." She said with a sideways grin, "I had to clean up a lot and get my shit together. I was going down a dangerous path and I found someone who helped me. Uncontrolled powers, too much attitude, _a lot_ of grief with the way my life was going. I was bitter and angry and you know what, I _still_ am." She said as she put a pointed finger on the table to emphasize her point, but she leaned away from it and sighed, "But if the years have taught me anything it's that I have a lot of time, but that time is damn precious." She sighed and flicked at her chopsticks with a shrug, "I can either spend that time angry or I can spend it happy, doing something with the seconds that tick away."

"That's a hell of a way to live." He smiled sadly at her with understanding. Surviving the ice was one thing, but not aging a single day — he was severely worried that the serum had not just changed him in a physical way, but done so irreparably.

She shrugged, "Yeah, but it's pretty much the only way to survive."

He nodded, impressed, "I can't say I disagree."

"So, how is it for you?" She smiled curiously, "You know, being _Captain America_!" She said in a grandiose stage whisper along with elaborate hand motions.

Steve smirked, "It's a blessing and a curse." Sitting back, he fiddled with his napkin, "What I do, I do it because it's important. Someone has to be there when the world is at its tipping point. Someone has to be there to stand up for the ones getting pushed down. I figure, with what I was given, it should be me." He dropped the napkin on the table, almost repulsed by it, "I know who Captain America is and needs to be. I just don't know who I am _without_ the shield."

After a beat or two of silence, Sid finally spoke, "Give me your phone." She put out her hand and waggled it at him impatiently. He stared at her in confusion but she just waggled harder until he handed it over, unlocked. She sat there for a few seconds and pulled something up, a huge smile blooming on her lips as she placed the cell face down on the table and slid it back over to him.

He picked it up and turned it over, eyeing her suspiciously while she grinned at him mischievously. When he finally looked at the screen he saw the government issued picture of himself, pre-serum, from the Smithsonian. That gangly little specter, with his chin pointed up and the toughest look he could muster, was almost a complete mystery. It felt as if he could barely remember anything other than just being Captain America. The years that had passed all bled into each other, a lot of blackness, a lot of cold. He didn't know if he could ever go back to what he was before all of that.

He flicked an unmoved gaze to her, "I don't get it."

"First of all," she pointed at him sternly with an affectionate grin, "you're Steve Rogers. You're _always_ Steve Rogers. Throwing on a costume and a frown and making your voice deeper doesn't change the fact that you are who you are. Captain America is a _part_ of who _you_ are, not the sum."

He chuckled at her insistence, "I'm still not sure I see the point."

Sid stood up from the booth and walked over to the other side to squeeze in next to him. The bench was rather tiny and even though she was incredibly slim, they were still flush with one another, her thigh adjacent to his. She inextricably laced her arm around his when she pulled the phone from his opposite hand so they could both see. She tugged him closer with a grin and pointed at his picture from before the procedure.

"That right there is Steve Rogers, handsome as the day is long. Not that it matters, but even as this skinny little kid, I would have happily engaged in activities that would have ground your pelvis to dust." She leaned into him with a jovial suggestiveness and Steve went fully beet red at the not so vague implication.

Once he simmered and she stopped giggling at the look on his face, she took a calming breath and continued, "But this…" She pointed to the photo, her finger to the left of Steve's chest, "From what you've told me about it, you said that the right candidate needed to be chosen for the serum to work properly. This right here…" She was keeping eye contact, watching his face as he glanced between her and the photo, boring into him with her sincerity. She reached up and pressed her finger to his chest, over his heart, "The serum gave you muscles and a new set of lungs or whatever, but it didn't replace your heart, it only made it _stronger_. I have a feeling you weren't ever weak when it came to matters of the heart."

Steve stared down at her as she spoke, watching her lips for a scant moment. Her eyes and mouth moved in perfect concert with every muscle in her face, making the words she spoke emoted to their fullest extent. Somehow, she wore her heart on her cheek instead of her sleeve and it was fascinating just how much she _cared_ about things.

Sitting so close to her was comforting in a way he hadn't felt in a really long time. It seemed he could talk to her for hours and she always had something interesting to say — even if it probably didn't have much importance. She had this unique sort of beauty, undefined and unrestrained that he found so captivating. Conventional, she was not, however, convention had never been something he relied on. He couldn't help but _appreciate_ her and it was an odd feeling.

"Th-thanks." He finally murmured, eyes trailing to those smooth lips again. As he breathed in, he registered the comfort of her scent, like cool vanilla and earth.

She poked him again in the chest, smiling wider still, "You have and always will be _good_ as long as you just be you. Mistakes and all."

When she sat back, the spell seemed to be broken, but their arms were still hooked together. He'd noticed that about her in the past few weeks: how she was so casually intimate. It always surprised and soothed him at the same time. It was like diving into the ocean on a sweltering day, somehow shockingly refreshing.

"You sure like to touch people." He rambled, not even processing the words coming out of his mouth because he was still quite caught up in her being so close.

Her eyes widened and she gaped at him in shame, "Oh _shit_! I'm _so so soooo_ sorry! I have personal bubble issues. Don't want anyone touching _me_ but then I suddenly get all grabby hands —," She tried to pull away with her hands clawed and exaggerated, but he stopped her.

"I didn't mean it was bad." His hand was firm on hers, but polite. "It's actually really comforting in a way." Seeing the smile on her face when he said that was worth his weight in riches. She scooted closer then and rested her chin on his arm. She was just so close, but he didn't feel nervous, he just felt right.

"I'm not used to a lot of people being physical with me — other than being tossed around by bad guys, obviously. Usually people stay away and whisper because they think I'm some distant figure, like a museum piece that shouldn't be touched." Her fingers splayed across his arms now, rubbing gentle circles out of concern. He felt so relieved that she was just touching him to provide solid ground, she was there for Steve Rogers, not Captain America. "It couldn't be farther from the truth," he let out a relieved chortle, "but I've just gotten used to that sort of interpersonal isolation." He sighed heavily and glanced at her, eyes full of concern. He sobered quickly and tried to shake off this feeling, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm still not very good at talking to dames — girls — _women_ , I mean."

Sid snickered as he stammered, the pink tip of her tongue poked out between her smile, "Well you don't need to worry about that with me. There's no handbook to talking with women. They are people. Each person is different and that makes it so much harder than just talking to _women_ ever could be."

They chuckled at that and Steve saved that enlightened piece of information for later. "Well, I guess you're right."

Her smile turned to a sinister grin and she eyed him for a moment before speaking, "Find it easier to talk to guys then?" She waggled her eyebrows and used her opposite hand to flip up her hood and she tucked all her hair away.

Leaning back against the booth, but not moving her arm that was lying against his, her entire demeanor changed. The way she held herself was more lax, her body splaying out wherever she wanted it to while her other arm went across the back of the booth, hanging from the elbow perch as she stared around. Her face took on a tougher set of features, a firm brow and lips pressed into a thin, unimpressed line. Her eyes were hooded as she tilted up her chin in a disinterested way and mumbled out a deep, "Sup?"

Steve laughed as a blush crept up his neck and he leaned back with her for a moment, mimicking her posture and finding it sensibly impossible for the both of them to sit that way. But he looked her up and down again and chuckled, "Wow, you really pull that off."

She smiled at him in a sly, slow way and then readjusted, pushing back her hood and sitting forward, turning back to face him as hair spilled out from over her shoulder and she spoke with her normal voice, "Well it is me — or part of me I guess." She shrugged, "I've always been a non specifically gendered person of many talents," she playfully rattled her arm against his while she tugged at his sleeve, "but now it's time for you to treat this person of talent to ice cream. I got it last time."

He smiled and pulled out his wallet, tugging out some bills to leave for the check. Though inflation had nearly caused his head to spin the first time he learned of it, he'd had the hang of current spending for a while now. Didn't make it any less disconcerting, but at least he knew what was going on. "I haven't met many people who can keep up with me when it comes to eating."

Sid grinned and bit her lip, for the first time actually _trying_ to be just a little more overt in a flirtation with Steve, "I'm sure there are plenty of ways I could surprise the hell out of you." Steve blanched slightly at the sultry tone of her voice and Sid immediately realized the flirtation was unwelcome. Of course, she panicked, making to exit the scene with something akin to petrified grace.

She moved to stand from the booth as Steve adjusted himself, a heat long absent curling in his gut, "Ten bucks says you can't." He gave her a challenging half smile as she stood.

She turned back to face him, a goofy smile on her face as nerves rattled her bones, "Oh dear me, Captain Rogers, I think you just opened up a new can of worms. Are you sure you're ready for the full force of Sid the Space Tinkerbell?"

He nodded with a devilish grin, sitting back in the booth and pushing forth the brunt of his usually pathetic bravado, "You bet your ass I am."

She hopped a little bit, like a child thrilled about a new toy, "Oh, this is gonna be _so_ much fun." She clapped her hands and then reached out for him. "C'mon, c'mon, ice cream time, turbo!"

He reached out and took her hand for the simple reason of wanting to touch her for a moment. He obviously didn't need the help as he got out of the booth and stood next to her without issue. They stood chest to chest and she smiled up at him gleefully. The boots he had given her supplied an extra inch or two to her height and for a second he just entertained the idea of leaning down and pressing his lips to hers.

He scowled at the unbidden thought and she reacted to it instantly, "Whoa," she replied to his frown, grabbing his shoulders for a shake and incidentally letting go of his hand, "what's with the sour puss?"

He shook it off quickly and replaced it with a simple grin, "Nothing, just had a weird random thought."

She turned him by his shoulders and pushed him off to get him walking out of the noodle shop. Coming up to his side, she leaned on him and curled her arm around his as they walked, "Oooh, those are my favorite." She squeezed his arm as they got outside, "What was it?"

He almost tripped himself which in turn made her stumble and so he caught her as she flung forward with a yelp. With his hands on her hips, he helped her right herself, "Uh, it was — I just — I'm sorry —,"

"Steve, relax," she laughed as she got her feet under her, "this is friendship, okay? You don't have to stress so much, just cause I happen to have a vagina."

His eyes bugged out a little bit at that and he may have choked on air, "I, uh…What —?" He paused and looked at her despite the blush he was sure was covering him. He shook his head hopelessly, "Sorry, if there's one thing the serum couldn't do it was make me smooth. I've never had an ounce of smooth in my body." He chuckled and they began to walk again.

Trying to distance himself from the previous topic, he decided to reminisce, "Bucky on the other hand, he had charm for days. He was an absolute wonder with people — everyone loved him. He could talk his way into anyone's pan —," he halted, feeling guilty for talking about Bucky when he wasn't there to defend himself from Steve's jabs. That was always a time for them, bantering back and forth like old crones. A sad smile split the morose frown and he looked down at Sid to see her looking back up at him, paying him her full attention.

Sid could see the memories tear at him and it broke her heart, "I could see that in him." She tried to engage Steve, "I know he's suffering right now, but a little bit of that charm peaks through when he uses more than two words for an answer." She smiled up at Steve who was listening and hoping, but that sad smile still cursed his lips, "He's not going to be the same Steve," she said quietly and he looked at her, a deep frown on his features, "he won't ever be the same Bucky." She squeezed his arm, "I mean, are you the same Steve Rogers?"

He let out a bark of laughter at that and then sighed, looking at her with great appreciation, "I definitely am not."

She grinned timidly, watching as a bitter pain shaded his features, "That's how it works. He wont be the same Bucky, but he's still _Bucky_."

Steve nodded solemnly, "You're right, he is."

"And you need to be prepared for that." She reached up with her other hand and curled it around the opposite side of his head, tugging him down so she could press a kiss to his temple, "It's gonna be hard when you guys get back together, it'll take time for both of you to adjust."

As her hand slid down his cheek, he was reluctant to let the feeling go. It was an extraordinarily comforting moment that he wanted to savor. "I know, I just want him to be okay."

Sid faced forward, a knowing smile on her face, "He will be. I know it."

He smiled at her and they continued their journey to the ice cream shop.

After reaching the small establishment and Sid's uncontrolled laughter over the Avengers themed flavors such as, Chiptain Ameri-crunch, Iron Mango, Huckle-Eye Pie, The Red Russian, and The Delectable Chunk, they finally started making their way back towards Sid's shelter for the night.

Sid appreciated that he was willing to walk her home. No one could say having Captain Steve Rogers at your side on a walk home was a bad idea, but he was very much a great person to have around — even if they weren't trying to fight off bad guys. She was surprised that the often stiff looking Captain America, was, after all, a very unique and sensitive individual. She knew about his passion for art and his general dislike of being idle. She also discovered an unparalleled sass master and a biting wit that never ceased to make her laugh. Spending time with him was like bathing in the sunlight, it kept you warm, tingling and excited for whatever may come. Any more time spent with him was something to be cherished.

Her slightly more pathetic side wondered just how random the universe needed to be to throw her in between Bucky and Steve. These two men, lost to each other, lost in time, still defied all the odds and somehow reunited in this twisted place. She couldn't be upset about that, no matter how ornery Bucky could get or how sullen Steve could be. Both of them had this general goodness that was just enough to keep her going. She knew, that out of all of the places she'd been in her life, this one was the most important, something she really could believe in.

Sid was outside, gnawing on the last dregs of her ice cream while strolling in circles in front of the entrance. Steve had run inside the over-the-counter pizza shop and asked for a napkin with seltzer water.

He'd been a giant goof and dribbled some of his chocolate brownie fudge concoction when Sid had told him a pretty lewd joke. He was just starting to dab at the stain on his chest when he heard a yelp outside that sounded suspiciously like Sid.

Thinking she had tripped herself was his first inclination, but when he looked up and tried to spot her, his stomach seemed to bottom out. He couldn't see her at all. A sudden panic seized his throat, terrified that something had happened to her. Hydra had to be searching for Bucky just as hard as Steve. The sudden realization that they had discovered their connection shot a sharp chill up his spine.

He vaulted over a table or two, happy that the pizza joint was particularly empty at this hour, and burst out the door, shattering glass as it almost flew off its hinges. He heard a shout from inside the store, but he ignored it, he'd replace the glass _after_ he found Sid.

He glanced around the street, searching for anything out of place but she was nowhere to be found. The seeping cold in his gut made him sick, and much like his first time at Coney Island decades ago, he was afraid he might throw up his dinner.

A sound to his left caught his ear, something of a gentle scuffle of toes against the asphalt and murmuring voices. He bolted towards it, stopping at the mouth of the alley where he saw Sid shoved up against the wall and looking particularly distressed.

"Sid!" Steve shouted and both Sid and the other turned to glance at him. He charged the man, unbeknownst to him, but if he knew Sid at all, he knew that her face spelled trouble.

"No!" She belted at Steve, throwing herself between him and the man she was talking to and putting up her hands. She braced herself for a collision, but it didn't happen.

When she blinked her eyes open, Steve had skidded to a stop right in front of her, his heaving chest only half an inch within her fingertips. "Sorry!" She apologized to Steve who was glaring at the man behind her. "I'm sorry." She continued, turning back to the man and smiling sweetly.

"I don't need dis." The man replied gruffly, shrouded in layers and layers of unclean rags.

"Terry, take it easy." Sid replied blithely, "Steve, this is Terry, Terry, this is Steve Rogers, Captain America. He knows James."

Steve straightened, trying to reign in the adrenaline that was scraping at his insides for a fight, "Sir." Steve nodded with his greeting.

The guy huffed out a bit of air and pushed his way past Sid to glare up at Steve, "I thought you'd be taller."

Steve exhaled through a chuckle and then placed his hands on his hips to reply just tinge sarcastically, "Can we help you?"

He snorted right back at Steve and turned to Sid, "You gotta get to da'Alley, Sid, straightaway."

Sid frowned and Steve noticed how her entire body coiled up, "What's happening?"

The guy coughed up something dingy looking and spit it on the ground.

"Jesus Terry…" Sid admonished.

"Shut up and respect your elders, I could be your grandpa." He snarled at Sid and Steve looked at her with a chuckle behind his lips. She only shrugged and nodded, indicating Terry could indeed be older than Sid. He scratched at a particularly dirty section of clothing and then shrugged, "We had intruders. Lotsa people hurt."

"Intruders? _What_?!" Sid asked, flabbergasted. Terry was silent for a moment and she turned on Steve with a fierce glare, "Who went down there? Are they searching for him?!" She stepped up into his space, snarling and spitting like the alley cat she was, "What _was_ all this? S-some sort of ruse to _butter_ me up so you could go down and _kidnap_ him!? Are you and your lackeys going to seize other mutants to experiment on too!?" She screamed at him and tried to pound a fist into his chest, "I thought we were friends! I thought he was important to you!" She yelled and lashed out.

Steve was shaking his head, trying to speak between her questions and her assault, but he had to grab her, his meaty fists curling around those delicate wrists and holding them as gently as he could without getting socked.

"Sid — _Sid_ — _SID!_ " He shook her slightly as she tried to throttle him but she finally stopped fighting, huffing and puffing the air through her grit teeth and flaring nostrils. "I didn't do this, I wouldn't risk making him worse." He met her eyes and maintained eye contact even though he could see her being doubtful, "He means more to me than anything else in this world. I would not put him at risk in this way. Okay?"

She nodded coldly and yanked her hands away. "I'm sorry." She spat, not sounding very sorry at all as she tugged at her clothes. She turned back to Terry who seemed nonplussed by the whole ordeal. "Who's hurt?" She demanded gruffly.

"Naaaah." Terry grumbled and swayed before his eyes popped open again, "Oh, I mean yeah." He focused back on her for a second, squinting hard, "Uh, that new guy, he fought 'em off."

"New guy?" Steve looked to Sid and she cursed.

"How many?" Sid asked Terry, who was now looking up at the sky. Steve's whole body shifted in a second, rolling from slightly bothered to fully alert and ready to fight. His patience was wearing thin. She put a hand on his arm to steady him, giving him a side eye to assure him that Terry would eventually get to the point.

Terry then popped his lips and looked back at Sid, "Oh! Yeah, I dunno, like ten? Twenty maybe? I ain't counted in a while." He looked back up at the stars.

"Thanks Terry." Sid nodded and then grabbed Steve's hand and began to run.

"Where we going?" He said as he jogged next to her.

She shot him an envious glare as he ran next to her effortlessly, but then got back on task, "Going to the Alley." She huffed out as she curved around the side of a building and then stopped, staring down at a manhole cover. "Pop the top, wonder kid." She grinned.

He knelt and pulled out the hundred and odd pound hunk of metal and flung it to his side like it was nothing, "The Alley?" She hadn't taken him there before. It must be serious.

"Yeah," She went to sit down, but Steve stopped her, "Bucky and the Morlocks are in trouble, we gotta go!"

"I should call in the others." Steve reached for his phone but Sid slapped his hand away with a growl.

"I don't need any more goddamn topsiders coming down into my tunnels, you understand me?" She snarled and Steve actually stepped back due to the weight of her rage.

"H-here." He reached out his hands and she huffed, "I'll lower you down."

"Okay," She muttered crossly. She rolled her shoulders before he lifted her, taking a deep, calming breath, "I'm sorry I —,"

"Hey, we were the only ones you know of that have information on the tunnels — I know how it looks and I'm not happy about it either. Let's get them all to safety and _then_ worry about it." Steve insisted and Sid gave him a sad smile and nodded.

He lowered her down into the sewer system and she took the lead, her fingers trembling as she grappled for her lighter, the brightness no match for her terror.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION**_


	16. It's a Shame Fate Cast Us as Friends

16 : It's a Shame Fate Cast Us as Friends

* * *

Steve followed Sid through the sewers and deeper into the pits of New York. Slogging though the watery channels and into dirt lined tunnels had pulled at Sid's stamina. She was moving slower now and Steve could hear the ripping breaths she was taking in her panic, causing sporadic tendrils of wind to whip past him. She was determined though, her brow furrowed and deep in concentration, her fist alight with a turbulent flame started from the small zippo in her pocket.

Steve readied himself for the possible altercation that might occur when he got into Bucky's proximity, but nothing could have kept him from accompanying Sid. If not for how important she was becoming to him, but for how important she was for Bucky. If Steve could be an anchor to Bucky's past, then Sid might be an anchor for Bucky in the now. She had done that and much more for Steve in the short time he knew her. She was too good not to keep safe.

The tunnels started getting wider, easier to navigate with two rather tall people crouching their way though. Steve could still not make out any noises and saw no light further ahead. Despite the haggard breaths of Sid, he couldn't hear anyone close to them.

A small tac team meant there was a high probability of casualties and he feared for Sid and her people. The Morlocks were an integral part of who she was. The way she told it, Sid practically helped found the establishment. She always spoke of it with great fondness and this had to be a brutal torture to her, to realize her home, the one place she probably felt truly safe, was threatened.

She halted, holding up her hand and extinguishing the flames on her fist. They were purged into complete blackness, both of them trying to restrain their breathing from being overly loud. He stood behind her, ready to react, to attack, to protect her from whatever had come into her safe haven.

"Sid?!" Someone shouted down the dark tunnel.

"Yeah!" Sid replied frantically but Steve could hear the smile on her lips. She scrambled for her lighter, but Steve just pulled out his keys and flicked on his LED light. The entire tunnel illuminated with the bright pure light and Sid turned on him slowly with a severe frown on her face as she stared at the light in his hand.

"That would have been _terribly_ helpful a moment ago. Fire drains me, dude!" Sid harped at him.

"It seemed like you had it handled." He shrugged nervously and a moment later, a smile split his lips and he lamely pointed at her hand, "Heh, _hand_ led."

Sid pursed her lips, her eyes going wide with rage. Steve waited a pace, when her eyes narrowed and her lips twitched as a smile fought against her anger. She shook her head steadily and then huffed a breath out in a frustrated sense of disbelief.

"You dickhead." She chuckled and then grabbed his shirt, tugging herself to him, since that was an easier feat to accomplish. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, "Thanks for that." She pat him on the shoulder with a shaky exhale and then turned around with shoulders squared as a figure came into the light.

"Doc, what the fuck is happening?" Sid rushed towards the elderly man and he waved for them both to follow. "And whose bright idea was it to send _Terry_ of all people to find me!?" She screeched.

"We couldn't risk anyone else!" He shrilled. "Just a little bit ago, some people started coming through the tunnels," Doc spoke with a full Scottish brogue, "highly trained, about twelve of them. I saw military formation — I—I saw high powered rifles and some tranq guns." He continued as they rushed down the tunnel.

"Is anyone injured or missing?" Sid practically begged, her voice tight.

"No one's missing, but —," Doc stopped and Sid skidded to a stop next to him, Steve almost ran them both over, "I —," Doc started and then his face twitched with an irreparable sadness, "Callisto."

Sid's eyes went wide, " _What_!?" She shrieked and then pushed past Doc and Steve and took off in a sprint.

"Sid!" Steve called out but she was already pushing on father. He turned to Doc, "I'm Steve."

"Captain America." Doc nodded, "I've heard and it's hard not to notice, very few men have that waist to hip ratio."

"Thank you?" Steve said, unsure of how to even begin to respond to that.

"A'right get on." Doc said and turned to start jogging, "We better catch up, this won't be good."

The crushing sense of terror Steve felt in his chest intensified. Despite Bucky being the most likely focus of the attack, Steve knew he was more than capable of dismantling twelve heavily armed men — especially in a dark, complex area where he had the advantage of familiarity. Steve wasn't sure if he was worried Bucky couldn't take care of it or he was terrified Bucky couldn't _handle_ it. He had to find him and do it quickly. He'd most likely be armed and positively murderous.

Steve exhaled his fear and nodded to Doc and they started on their way to follow Sid.

—

Sid was panting as she reached the path to the main tunnel. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and wind was whipping at her hair a little more wildly than it should be. Every fiber in her being was dying each second she left Callisto without her healing power.

As her legs pumped against the earth, she thought back on the years that she and Callisto had known one another. They had met each other at their lowest. Both seeking refuge, both hiding in plain sight from a cruel world for different people, they bonded out of need and survived with a fierce love for one another. They found a peace together that had been absent so long, and in their damaged youth, they lashed out at the public and wreaked havoc on those who were blind to the misfortune of others.

It was such a turbulent moment, the blur of their youth and the society surrounding them that poisoned them with a monumental hatred. Mutants were being outed and there were cries of outrage echoing across the country. Fear was ruling the time and since peace was nothing but a whisper, they banded together as second class citizens and volatile vigilantes to inflict small pains on the people who forced death and worse upon their brethren. It was a dark time for Sid, but even in the chaos Callisto had helped her heal, had helped her feel loved.

Then Callisto fell at the hands of imposed peace, their bitter world changed and over the next couple decades, their society morphed into something really, truly good. Peace was a finality, a reality. For the first time since she could remember, Sid felt that with Callisto, with all the others, she finally found a family. Over the years, they calmed, focusing on offering aid to those who needed it — and happily so.

As the distorted light of The Alley finally came into view, she pushed on harder, shoving past people milling around, murmuring their fears and paranoia that were finally justified. She dodged fallen bodies, covered in rags or heavily armored, hopping over people groaning in pain, while sobs tore at her lips.

There were living voices, angry voices, shouting for retribution, and needing vengeance for what these interlopers had done. Ignoring the pressing matter, she pushed past their grudges and finally found the dedicated treatment center. It wasn't much more than a plywood cube with a stolen paramedic's gurney and some cabinets full of gauze, antiseptics, and antibiotics, but it was theirs.

Sid stumbled in, stripping off her jacket and pushing past the throng of people surrounding their fallen ex-patron. She walked up to the gurney with tears streaming down her cheeks. Callisto was unconscious, pale, and covered in half-assed patches to treat the bullet wounds littering her torso. She was still breathing, but just barely.

"Clear the room." Sid commanded with a severe gruffness to her voice that ripped through the lull of sobs. Shocked, people began to shuffle out, whimpering and whispering about _that_ girl. The whispers were nothing against the lambasting of her raging grief she felt staring down at her friend, waiting until the door slid home and everyone left.

When the murmurs did not quiet, she steeled herself for what she needed to do.

Steve and Doc pushed past the people littering the exit amidst curses and sobs. Steve continued through to stand behind Sid, wanting to reach out and touch her, but he remembered her violent tic of not liking to be touched. Doc didn't seem to be able to approach the body just yet. Steve finally noticed that the man he just met was covered in blood.

His heart broke when his eyes trailed back to Sid and he watched her shoulders shake with silent sobs. The grief that she must be feeling, it was something relentlessly fierce. He recalled that sort of brokenness, when Bucky had fallen, when Steve found out he was alive, and again when Steve thought he lost him for good.

"Sid…" Steve tried softly, his voice cutting through the clotted dread of the moment.

"I-I said c-c-clear the room." Sid insisted, her voice thick with abounding grief.

"Sid, I'm not going." He pleaded with adamance.

"Go — find — Bucky." She ground out through trembling lips.

The silence stretched on, dragging across Steve's heart as she heaved in breath after breath. She finally managed to catch herself on an escaping sob. After a single controlled breath, her voice was much softer, much more her and much less madness, "She-she's _mine_ , Steve." She cried softly and the words twisted his insides. "It's bad. I need to heal her and it could be dangerous, but I _need_ to."

It was a desperation he knew far too well. This was a sacrifice he had no way of fighting, because he'd do the exact same thing and she knew it. He didn't continue to fight with her, because his words would fall on deaf ears, but she would want to protect as many people as she could first. He opened his mouth, hoping something would come out of it that could even remotely touch on what she felt.

"P-please." The word started strong on her lips and then broke, a desperate fissure of her emotion.

Steve took a few steps back, resigning to her choice. On his path back, he reached out to grab Doc's shoulder and pulled against the man's resistance and his pleas.

"Get them back, Steve." Sid demanded with a hardened sob.

He only nodded and pulled Doc out of the room. He took a few steps out and told everyone to back up as far as possible or to leave completely for a while until things died down. He knew firsthand how distorted her powers could become when she was exhausted and scared.

Sid stepped forward towards Callisto, her body so close that Sid felt like she could hear the dull heart beat, spattering closer to its end. She reached out shaking hands, placing them on Callisto's chest and the arc of her forehead.

Sid tried to breathe, to connect, to push herself out. The pure energy that she felt inside of her when she touched something was concentrated and tumultuous because of her grief. All of her strength was gifted to the effort of _her_ pulsing out into Callisto, to grasp onto that light and pull it from the depths, like a jump start to the soul.

—-

Steve was outside, milling about with a dozen people who remained to stay loyal to Callisto. Despite her station of usurped leader of the Morlocks, she was beloved by many, especially the new comers who did not know of her sullied past. She'd been in the tunnels for so long that she became a sort of den mother, strong and resilient but nonetheless empowering. But most of all, after her near brush with death the first time, she retained her strong heart with a renowned compassion.

He watched the little hut hopefully, all stuck together with duct tape and god knows what. Sid had been working in there almost an hour and he could still hear her wretched sobs as she pleaded with the improbable.

The wooden walls would rattle with a thrust of wind every few minutes, when her cries got particularly despondent. But he'd hear her shift, grunting in exertion until the tears began to flow again.

"Doc," Steve finally waved him over and the man waddled up, "how severe are her injuries?"

"She'd been shot too many'a'time." He blubbered, obviously Callisto was a dear friend to the man. "I think it were six, maybe seven times…" He waved his hands in helplessness, "I'm not a _real_ doctor. The Healer ain't here, he should _be here_!" He cried, dismayed that he could do no more.

Steve stepped closer, leaning in to lower his voice, "Do you know about Sid's — erm, talents?"

Doc nodded through his tears, "Yes, I know all about them — the element thing a-a-and the healing bits and scrapes. She never done something like this before." Doc almost laughed, his incredulous grief was palpable, "We don't _get_ injuries like this! Not for a _very_ long time now!"

Steve nodded, "All right, I understand." He looked around and took note of the people who were standing as far away as possible from the wooden structure. No one really looked scared, but they all looked worried, waiting for their loved one to walk right out that door. If the one they called The Healer was not Sid and was also not present, their expectations would be laying heavily on her. Steve's chest tensed with the effort to breathe, his entire body wanted to shake and seize as he watched them all so ardently _hoping._

He wanted to leave, to search for Bucky, but he worried that if she went too far and started to transform into whatever he'd fought, she wouldn't survive it this time. If he took in the structural integrity of the tunnel and weighed it against Sid's grief and fear, he wasn't sure anyone would survive it this time. When she erupted on him, it had been an act of pure survival, she was so utterly terrified that she lost all sense of control. She didn't even remember it happening and doesn't recall anything like that ever happening ever before.

It was a strange singular event that was beyond powerful and possibly inescapable, especially in her current state of suffering.

—-

The pull was too hard.

Sid tried and tried, until her entire body shook and her senses went numb. She held onto that light, that feeling that itched at her so. But it all just began to hurt, like pulling on a knife's edge. The pain swelled in her stomach and crept up from her pelvis, jagged along her spine with a biting heat. A searing blaze pulsated in her core, shooting down her legs and twisting them tense and raw.

Something terrible was whirling deep inside her, fighting and clawing at her insides as it crept closer and closer to her head. She couldn't let it escape, but it burned something fierce, forcing her body to start to curl in on itself as she screamed in agony.

In her desperation, she lashed out with her misery, fighting against the raging swell of agony shooting up into her brain and clasped onto the hot white light that kept slipping through her fingers.

Sid gripped Callisto with every ounce of strength she had left. Her sobs were slowly fading, replaced by ripping breaths in the vortex building around her. She gasped at the air desperately, moving too quickly for her body to adapt. She held on, she just needed to hold on.

Everything was going dark. Creeping in, weighing on her and pulling at her from inside herself, like a black hole in her chest. She anchored her feet and screamed against its surge.

Darker and heavier, hotter and hotter, her shrieks trailed on. The gale force winds whipped around her and pulled at her senses. She smelled smoldering wet earth and could taste the heated sludge on her tongue. It ran through her, lighting her veins on fire and the stars she saw behind her eyelids slowly dimmed until her screams died on galvanized lips.

And then suddenly, there was just _light_.

—

The wind picked up and began to whirl around the expanse of the Alley, kicking up dust and grime as it spun through the air, grating against Steve's skin and coating his throat.

"Run!" He shouted, "Get out now!" He turned to Doc and grabbed the man's shoulders, "Get everyone out. I mean it. She could bring down the whole section."

Doc shook his head, adamant, "I'll get the rest out, but I'm staying. I lose Callisto, I lose my life." He turned on his heel before Steve could form a reply and went off to warn people and tell them to disappear.

As they shuffled away the sound of their murmuring was replaced by a low willowy thrum. Steve turned back slowly to see the walls of the little shack quivering with an ominous reverberation and little sparks of light. He swallowed heavily and turned to shout for Doc when the entire thing burst apart, sending heaps of plywood in all directions at an indeterminable speed.

Steve dodged the one that was aimed for his gut and he watched as one flew right for Doc who was making his way back to Steve. Steve jumped without thinking, only allowing himself just enough time to block the hunk of wood aimed at the feeble man's chest.

The resounding crack that echoed over the whirlwind was only dampened by Steve's cry. The chunk of plywood hit him expertly on the base of the skull, crippling him and making him see stars. As he stumbled to his knees, his vision went blurry and he couldn't hear a thing. He turned slightly and saw Doc, his mouth and body moving in a pantomime of panic, but Steve couldn't make out a single word.

He turned back to where the hut used to be and shielded his eyes from the intense iridescence of the gale force winds. He blinked against the dust and the glare, forcing himself to focus. His skin felt hot and his ears throbbed with the attempt to process what was happening around him. As he stared into the burning flare, he gasped at the silhouette suspended in the eye of the cosmic vortex. He struggled to his feet and tried to move closer, but the heat became too intense and stung his battered skin.

What looked like Sid hovered next to Callisto in a weightless pose, tendrils of viscilating light swirled around her in a terrifying gyre that bled absolute wonder. Her hands were spread out over Callisto's body, a cocoon of gold swirling around the woman lying prone on the table.

There was a strained sort of fury in the luminescent eyes of the figure floating in front of Steve and he tried his best to shout at her, but his voice was nothing against the whirling glow. He watched as her jaw clenched and her eyes burned whiter, a hatred for the determination that gripped her so.

The heat surged again and Steve stumbled back, shielding himself as the tunnel burst with another etherial blaze, purging that instant of reality into nothing but pure light.


	17. Deflecting Personal Torment--

17 : Deflecting Personal Torment for a Common Organizational Objective

* * *

Steve sucked in a breath and caught a handful of dirt with it. He groaned heavily through his coughs, his entire body rife with sore muscles and stinging skin. He put a fist to the floor as he slowly got himself upright, staggering to the side as he found his feet. He looked around and saw Doc cowering behind a fallen refrigerator, crying with his arms wrapped around his head.

Steve walked over to him and knelt, "What happened?"

"There was just a sudden light — it was — I don't even know — but it was hot and fast and I just hid after you went down!" Doc was practically hyperventilating, his eyes absolutely wild, "I'm a _not_ a doctor!"

Steve cracked a weak smile trying to keep Doc calm, "It's okay, it's just the shock, I'm going to go see about Sid." Doc nodded and Steve willed back his trepidation as he limped forwards. His entire body protested and he was covered in dirt and some muck, but he pressed on, reaching the place where Sid and Callisto were splayed out.

Sid was out cold and Steve approached her first. With fingers to her pulse and a quick check of her airways, she seemed to have survived. He turned to Callisto and did the same, finding a relatively stable pulse and a slight rise and fall in her chest.

"I need to get them out of here!" Steve shouted back to Doc.

The man limped his way forward, looking twice as awful as Steve felt, "I'll help." The man had to be pushing sixty-five, but he was still willing to drag his loved one to safety.

Steve sighed, knowing full well he needed to somehow carry _three_ people out of here and wondered how to make it happen. He glanced back down at both Callisto and Sid and realized it was terrifyingly unlikely that they would wake up soon and so he wondered if Doc could possibly walk himself topside.

He knelt down and went to grab Sid when he heard the thrum of a bullet whizzing towards his head. He ducked out of the way, rolling onto a chunk of plywood and gripping it in his hand as a makeshift shield. When he got his bearings, his flung the wood at the shooter and he heard a dull _gong_ resonate through the silence.

Steve stood up and stared. All the desperation in his body was just about tapped, but when he saw Bucky standing there, holding a precision rifle aimed at his chest, Steve realized how low he could go.

"Bucky —,"

"Don't." He commanded, "Don't — don't call — don't touch her. Not yet."

Steve nodded and took another step away from Sid, "Listen to me, please," his voice caught in his throat, "just this time, for Sid, please listen to me." Steve did everything he could to remove the emotion from his voice. Steve even tried to talk like her, low and smooth. Bucky needed something grounding and Steve had to be it.

Bucky was practically shaking, his jaw set tightly as he flinched away from something invisible to his side. He was disheveled from an obvious fight, his clothes torn and bloody — though Steve doubted the blood was actually his. Bucky refocused on Steve, his eyes wild and barren, and then nodded curtly.

"I need your help. To save Sid, to save her friend, Callisto." Steve began and took a slow step forward with his hands raised, "I need to take her to the surface — to Dr. Banner so that he can help her."

Bucky glanced between Steve and Callisto, "This is like before…"

Steve nodded, "When we were in the tunnel last time, you're right." He gave Bucky a soft smile, trying to be encouraging, "We need to carry them out of here. To somewhere safe."

Bucky seemed hesitant, the conversation in his mind, playing out on his face. "The tunnels —," he shook his head once and then stalled, his eyes shut and his effort was put into focusing on whatever he was hearing. A moment later, his features stilled in a slight grimace. He rolled his head to the side in a strained sort movement and then opened his eyes, instantly focused on Steve, "I carry her."

Steve nodded, gesturing towards Sid, "Go ahead, I should warn you, where we are going, you won't need that gun, I promise." Bucky shot him a dark look as he slung the rifle on his shoulder and stalked over to Sid's unconscious form, but Steve continued, "I mean it, you don't need that. Please, for Sid."

Bucky paused then, glancing down at the girl who was covered in grime and sweat, shaking in the dirt and her nose and ears trickling blood. His breath caught in his chest and he felt his hands begin to shake so he yanked off the weapon and put his fists in his hair. It started as a hum that quickly boomed into a jagged knife of sound scraping along his cranium. He grit his teeth against the searing pain and the mutters of forced allegiant words ricocheting through his skull.

"Bucky!" Steve begged and got himself about two steps away from Bucky who turned from him with a snarl.

"No." He growled and shook his head, his teeth clenched in anguish, "No, stop."

Steve nodded and backed away, "I can help you save her, okay? You don't have to worry about losing her. We can keep her safer together." The platitudes came out of his mouth but he didn't quite believe them. The state that she was in over the Morlocks being attacked, the sheer power behind her transformation this time compared to the last — something about this felt entirely different.

Bucky stumbled to one knee and tried to breathe. He fought to think how Sid would think, to figure out how to stop the screaming. He breathed and breathed and replayed conversations with her in his head. He focused on her voice on what she'd say, how she'd say it and then he'd pick it all apart.

Words and phrases from another time got wedged into the replay in his mind. He saw flashes of blinding white snow and horrified blue eyes; of kids sleeping on pillows tossed about the floor; he saw himself sitting with Sid in the middle of the night in some abandoned corner and sharing a rare cigarette after something pissed her off. He could feel the splinters reforming, he could feel the foundation return to his skin.

He lumbered slowly to his feet and glared at Steve. He then nodded slowly through a quaking breath, "I take her."

Steve agreed with a sad smile and watched as his best friend walked over to the woman who had brought him some semblance of peace and picked her up, cradling her against his chest with great ease.

The frailty of her limp form was sobering and Steve had to step back and try to keep his chest from bursting. That frail form, the one who had become such a close and dear friend was like a husk of her former self, burnt from the inside out. The way that Bucky held her, with such dedicated focus despite his current wounds, Steve had a feeling Bucky was just as worried. When he got around the wreckage safely, Steve calmed and made his way up to scoop Callisto into his arms.

"How is she?" Doc murmured as he approached on wobbly knees, grasping at her hand so he could bring it to his lips, kissing it in desperation.

"She's breathing and she looks much better than we saw her last. I'm going to take her somewhere I trust that will treat her discreetly. You should come as well." Steve looked down at him, using his age old expression that was terse and serious.

Doc agreed eagerly, "I ain't gonna leave her now."

Steve nodded and then craned his neck towards the direction Bucky was walking with Sid in his arms, "Let's catch up."

When they did reach Bucky, the journey was silent and tense. Steve was crackling like a live wire with the anxiety he was feeling, with the need to just reach out and make sure Bucky was real.

"Do you know where we're going?" Steve asked quietly, trying to keep his voice from sounding threatening.

"She told me about the Tower." Bucky stated coldly.

Steve nodded, "Yeah, there are a scientist and a doctor who can help her. They know more about her condition than even she does — they'll do whatever they can for her." He glanced down at Doc who was suddenly looking nervous, "For both of them."

"Deal." Doc mumbled through a sniffle.

Steve glanced back to Bucky, who was steadfastly guiding them through the blackness. He just wanted to hear his voice again, so Steve spoke quietly, "I can arrange for transport once we get topside."

"Fine." Bucky replied tersely.

Steve just nodded and then shut his mouth to keep himself from pushing too far. He really needed Bucky on his side for the rest of whatever this was.

—

When they finally got to Stark Tower, Banner had rushed back from a scientific demonstration at a nearby museum to aid them. After he doled out all the help he could, he was left in rolled shirtsleeves and a vest, already looking quite haggard after the last few hours of frantic medicine that wasn't really his specialty.

"Well, Doc," Banner started, motioning to Callisto, "She's still got some internal injuries that are healing up. I'm thinking she should stay here until she wakes. We don't really know the extent of how this all affected her until she does."

"Or until such a time becomes unreasonable. I won't have her dying up here, in this mansion. She'd haunt me the rest of my days." He chuckled sadly and reached out to grip her hand and squeeze it. He rose shakily, but capably, happy for Banner's attention to his minor injuries.

"From the very limited information I have about her injuries prior to Sid's intervention, we're going to do the best we can." Banner concluded.

"Thanks so much sir," Doc reached out his hand and Banner shook it.

Bruce nodded, "Anything I can do to help, please let me know."

"I will." Doc nodded and retreated to back to his seat next to the woman.

Bruce turned towards the other suite at the far end of the lab. The room was much bigger and the space was necessary for two brooding super soldiers who refused to leave Sid's side. He gathered up his courage and set himself to calm as he walked forwards and finally reached the door.

He opened it slowly and quietly, but not attempting to be covert about it. Two sets of painfully blue eyes locked on him and he almost staggered from the intensity of their stares.

Clearing his throat, he walked to the foot of Sid's hospital bed and leaned on her railing, addressing both Steve and his long lost friend, Bucky, "The test and the readout we've done indicate that she has some pretty severe damage internally. From what we can tell the healing process this time, when compared to last, is much, much slower. It's more than likely that the extent of her injuries could keep her in this suspended state."

"She heals when she sleeps." Steve scoffed a little coldly. There was a burning resentment in his chest for the fate of the poor soul that stumbled into their lives only weeks ago and had almost been killed twice.

"Will she be all right?" Bucky asked, his tone clipped.

Bruce sort of nodded and shrugged at the same time, "I want to say yes, but we are not as familiar with her biology as we are our own." The answer seemed to pacify him, so Bruce turned to Steve who was ardently staring at Bucky as the man spoke. "Steve?"

Steve shook himself aware and looked at Bruce, "Yes?"

Bruce just nodded softly, "Can you come with me? I should check you out as well."

Steve nodded and stood very slowly as not to alarm Bucky. Banner led the way out of the lab, but Steve stopped in the doorway, torn in two, "What can I call you?"

Bucky seemed to flinch at the mere sound of Steve's voice, but then he shook out his thoughts and stiffened, his voice cold, "What do you want to call me?"

Steve turned slowly, staring at the man who used to be his kindred soul. Bucky was suspicious, nervous, so Steve took a calming breath, "Doesn't matter what I want to call you, it's your name. I'll call you whatever you want."

Bucky tore his gaze away from Steve and refocused on Sid. He just shrugged a dismissal and since there were no flying bullets or hidden daggers, Steve took that as a point in the win column and decided he'd take it slow.

He left to room after that and found Bruce at an examination table.

"The back of your head and shirt are caked with dirt and blood. I assume tonight went rather poorly." Bruce mentioned casually, motioning for Steve to hop up on the table. He began his routine checks in silence until Steve finally broke out of his haze enough to speak.

"I think I got cracked in the back of the head with a sheet of plywood." He reached his hand back and rubbed at the tenderness in his neck. The skin was perfectly healed, though coated with blood and grime. He stretched it lightly, but it felt creaky and sore, "Other than brief disorientation and feeling stiff, I feel fine."

Bruce nodded as he continued raising up some scanners, "Not that I don't believe you, but until we can find a medical doctor we can trust, I'm working towards trying my best to keep most of you fools alive."

Steve grinned at that, "Thank you Doctor for that gleaming level of confidence."

Bruce just chuckled and took his last notes on Steve's vitals. "Lollipop?" Bruce smiled cheekily as he pulled a dime store candy out of his pocket and held it up for Steve.

Steve laughed, "If you have a hundred to spare."

Bruce let out a low whistle, "Well, I do order them in bulk, so let me see what I can do." He handed the lollipop to Steve anyway and began to head back to his office, "You should get cleaned up — both of you should — if Sid wakes up and sees you and him covered in blood and dirt and who knows what else, she'll flip." He waggled a stern finger at Steve, "Don't make my patient flip."

Steve nodded, "Thanks. Do you guys mind if we use the showers down the hall?"

Bruce grinned, "There's a bathroom with a shower and tub in that suite." As he walked away he mumbled more to himself, but knew Steve could probably hear, "Someone could give birth in that bath tub."

Steve chuckled and went back towards Sid's room. He made himself known by not lightening his footfalls and when he reached the doorway. He knew that Bucky was on high alert.

Leaning on the door jamb, he spoke evenly, "How many men attacked tonight?"

"Twelve."

"What happened to them?" He prodded.

"I killed them."

Steve nodded, "Any injuries on your part that need to be checked?"

Bucky just shook his head, somewhat thankful for the Captain's specificity.

Steve retained his sigh, "I'm going to get cleaned up. The room in the corner is evidently a full bathroom. When I'm done, you're welcome to do so as well."

"I'm fine," was Bucky's curt response.

"Bruce made a good point — I'm sure you heard," Steve began, trying to show Bucky that they weren't trying to be secretive, "when she wakes up and sees you caked in blood she will most likely short herself out again. We can get you some clean clothes to wear until yours get washed."

The silence was his only answer, so Steve decided to be proactive. He asked for Jarvis to send down clothes for both him and Bucky and then added a pair for when Sid decided to wake up.

He did his best to give Bucky his peace over the next few minutes as he waited for the clothes to arrive. Once they did, Steve doled them out and retreated to the bathroom for his shower.

He allowed himself a moment of brief exhilaration under the spray. Bucky was here, they were in the same room together and aside from only one initial bullet, no one had tried to start a fight yet. As he rinsed himself clean, he pressed his head against the cool tile and allowed himself a moment of weakness and shed the tears that he'd been holding in for months.

The grief was unbearable but he'd been hiding it as best as he could. Stone cold and serious, Captain America was always focused on the mission. The brief times he and Tony would tangle might pull a reaction from him, but other than that, he closed himself off so tightly even Natasha had gotten concerned. After the voiceless sobs subsided, he washed his face and tried to breathe again, wrapped up in his stern exterior.

When he got out of the shower, he returned to the room and left the bathroom open for Bucky. After Steve got situated, Bucky stood slowly and made his way into the bathroom to get clean.

While Bucky showered, Bruce brought back some food and told Steve to get some rest. Steve knew he wouldn't sleep that night, having to constantly fight off the urge to tackle Bucky and hold him until he remembered, but Steve thanked Bruce anyway and laid the second plate out near Bucky's seat.

He sat on the opposite side of the room and started eating, trying to keep himself composed for just a little bit longer.

When Bucky emerged, he was in Steve's clothes and he was rubbing at the water still in his hair. They didn't look at each other. They didn't acknowledge one another. They just coexisted and in that moment it was more than enough for Steve.

When Bucky's hair was sufficiently dry, he combed it back with his fingers and went back to his seat, surprised to see the meal sitting on the small table next to it. His fingers twitched as he stood there, staring at the food and trying to will himself into trusting it. He still refused to look at Steve, but he did turn and stare at Sid, plugged into machines like a circuit, shaking and shivering in the elaborate bed.

He faced the food again and sat down, glancing covertly to look at Steve and feel a sharp pain in his head. The man was shoveling in the food and it looked to be the same meal as Bucky's so he allowed himself to believe, just this once, that maybe, he could be safe.

He reached out for the bowl of pasta and took the first bite.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 ** _I am a lazy bum lately. Sorry for another late update guys. I've got a vacation coming up next week, plus with Holidays coming and two kids to tend to, I'm trying to stay afloat! Mostly I'm just like 900% tired, haha. So I may be a bit sporadic in the coming weeks. Hopefully I can stay on top of it, but just a heads up. If anything, I screw up and I'll try to be a kiss ass and double post or something ;D_**

 ** _Thanks again to Lmere for being my beta! And of course to all the wonderful people commenting and leaving kudos, that means you DirtyHands! Let me know if you all have any questions._**


	18. No One Ever Died from a Broken Hearth

18 : No One Ever Died from a Broken Hearth

* * *

Sid woke slowly, her eyes barely blinking in light that scraped at her senses. She shifted uncomfortably and groaned, her throat dry and aching. She could finally hear something other than blood pumping in her ears and it was a soft shuffling. She turned to the noises with her eyes still shut, hoping it meant she was alive.

She felt warmth then, starting on her knuckles. That fateful connection, warming her like fire would. Her eyes clenched shut frantically when she felt the familiar heat, thinking that it must be surrounding her, she felt too warm, and suddenly she couldn't breathe. She gasped her eyes open and blinked through the light.

Two forms blurred into focus, but after opening and closing her eyes a few more times, she was able to calm her breath and focus.

Steve and Bucky stood on either side of her, haloed by lights that were purer than sunshine. She exhaled heavily, finding relief in the absence of fire and instead the presence of friends.

She glanced at Steve with wide, tired eyes and realized he was saying her name. She nodded softly and opened her mouth with a crackle of vocal cords and Steve rushed to grab her a glass of water as sounds returned to her. When the straw hit her lips she took a slow first sip and then gulped the water down, forcing Steve to slowly pull it away from her mouth before she made herself sick. She followed the straw as long as possible, until Bucky placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and guided her to lay back down a little more than gently.

She was huffing deep breaths, trying get oxygen back into her brain as it tried to process what happened. Humming to test her vocal cords, she felt pleased with their function and finally spoke, "This must be heaven — gettin' waited on by a buncha burly dudes." She joked softly and then looked up at Steve, whose face was furrowed in concern. She frowned slightly and glanced at Bucky, his face completely void of all emotion and therefore no help at all. She turned back to Steve again, "What's wrong?"

"You don't —?"

"The tunnels were attacked." Bucky spoke, surprising the hell out of Steve since Bucky hadn't said a word since they arrived.

"Tunnels?" Sid's head whipped over to Bucky and a moment later, she blanched.

Reality seemed to cave in on her, rushing at her as her breaths sped up, filling the harmonic moments between the accelerating beeps of her heart monitor with a chilling terror.

She looked frantically around and focused in on Steve again, "Where's Callisto?!" She didn't even wait for a response before she sat up and began trying to force herself out of bed.

They were a mash of frenzied flailing: the panicked wisp of Sid against two super soldiers who were doing their best to be gentle. Despite fighting with all of her strength, it was an extremely unsatisfying and utterly frustrating experience. After a few more desperate wriggles, she crumbled back into the bed with tears brimming in her eyes. She exhaled shakily, damning her own mind for its forgetfulness, "What happened after we got into the tunnels?"

Steve sighed and pulled up a chair, Bucky remained standing, looking over them both with a severe emptiness, "When we found Callisto she was badly wounded."

Sid hiccuped back a sob and her face crumbled with the realization of her fears. She glanced at Steve with a strained lung full of air, "C-could I heal her?"

Steve kept himself still, "You tried to." He replied softly, his voice full of remorse.

Sid's face lost all of its hope as the tears began to fall and fall. The depth of her sorrow wasn't in the length of her pain, but the sound of it. Her hands covered her face until the sobs crackled into silence and she just sat there, shaking. Her grief was no less palpable now that she was quietly mourning.

Steve reached forward and brushed his fingers against her shivering arm, "Her wounds seemed to close up after you tried to help her, but there was something else that was pulling her Sid. We kept her under observation but eventually her brain activity decreased so rapidly that Bruce said there was nothing we could do."

Sid pulled her hands down her face, dragging away the tears. When she looked at Steve her lips trembled, "Where is she? Is she —?" She couldn't push the word across her lips. Callisto had been the only one alive who knew Sid completely. One of her first true friends, her soulmate, was now erased from the earth. The warmth that once filled Sid seemed to drain completely with this realization. All that was left after Callisto was a world full of strangers.

Steve squeezed her hand, "The Doc regretted that he couldn't wait for you to wake up so he took her. He wanted her to pass in her home so Bruce set up a kit."

Sid's face broke again and her body rattled with her despair. She was shaking her head frantically, "No, no, no! I have to find her, I have to be there, I have to!" She sat back up again, surging forward, and tried to escape the confines of her bed.

Steve and Bucky reached out to grab her and she recoiled, pulling just out of their reach and then flinging out her hands with a burst of wind. Her ferocity was unexpected as they flew backwards into the hospital wall and she scrambled up onto her unsteady feet and bolted from the room as quickly as her spindly legs would carry her.

Steve slid to the ground, landing hard on his knees, looking up just in time to see the wisp of Sid's gown as she turned the corner. He looked over at Bucky who was gripping his head with his metal hand. Steve went to reach out, but Bucky looked up at him, a quelling sort of anger reflecting in his eyes. Bucky shook his head sharply and then refocused, the mask of control back in place before he nodded to Steve.

They chased after her a moment later and she flung papers and office supplies and boxes at them to try and trip them up. They stumbled some, crashes and gongs littered between inventive curses. Being expert super soldiers and all, they managed to dodge most of Sid's distractions and were gaining quickly as she approached the exit.

She slammed into the metal doors and screamed at Jarvis to let her out. Her fists pounded against the cool surface and gusts of air blew at her in all directions. She slapped her hands against the metal, clawing, begging for something to take hold. Everything inside of her was ripping apart and with a single, embittered blow, her fist came flying down on the metal wall with a resounding clang, leaving it mangled beneath her delicate hand.

The resounding bang of the metal's distortion shook her from her terror and she paused, staring at the divot she had made in the giant door. She stared down at the hand, already bruised and swollen and felt a sob start clawing at her throat. She leaned against the door with the weight of her sorrow, no doubt able to bend the metal with its headiness, her face burrowed into the cold surface for just an iota of relief.

Her entire world had shifted beneath her once again. She was furious with Steve because instead of focusing on where she was needed, she was too busy going gaga over his stupid eyelashes and his adorable charm. She was resentful that Bucky had ever shown his face in the damn tunnels to begin with and wheedled his way into her heart. She was absolutely apoplectic that Callisto would so stupidly stand up to professional gunmen raiding their tunnels. Most of all, she felt betrayed by Doc, for him having the audacity to separate her and Callisto, knowing Sid wouldn't be there to…

But most of all, she despised herself for using her powers and only extending Callisto's torture into an unknown death. Not for the first time, she cursed her foolish, selfish little heart and its resulting ruination.

She heard them gaining on her, heard them slow their sprint to a halt, but she didn't care. She only dug her fingers further into the metal, but received no yield. Eventually, her scraping nails began to bleed and she began hitting the wall again in fury. She kept pounding and begging, her screams rippling through the vast lab while Steve and Bucky stood back, absorbing the shockwaves of her grief.

Bucky walked forward and Steve tried to reach for him, but stopped himself. He didn't want to cause another conflict and put Sid at risk.

As Bucky approached Sid, he stretched out his arm while she wailed against the doors. When he was close enough, he grasped her shoulder, spinning her around and slamming her backwards. Her eyes were wide and she leaned back heavily as she tried to breath properly, anger and sadness interchangeable on her features.

Steve made to move as Bucky's metal hand raised slowly, but the fingers just splayed gently on her neck and shoulder. Steve saw her focus with blinking tortured eyes. Bucky's grip was grounding her and every fiber of her being wanted to refuse it. Steve relaxed back onto his heels as Bucky leaned slowly forward and put his forehead against Sid's.

He watched as she took in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. Bucky murmured something to her but Steve didn't dare listen. As Sid allowed her sadness to consume her, she crumpled against Bucky, her sobs poignant in the silence. Bucky wrapped his arms around her and held her gingerly, her face burrowed into his chest and her cries muffled by his shirt. Steve averted his eyes from their moment, awed by their intense connection. A pang of something he regretted registered in his gut, and it took a lot of his strength to push away the shame of his jealousy.

They stood there for some time, Bucky simply holding her close until her sobs turned into rasps and soon after, trembling breaths. Steve stood back and waited, allowing them the time to find some peace.

"I think you should lay down." Bucky added softly and Sid just nodded.

Turning slowly, she leaned into Bucky, a trembling chin to go along with her tears, and they began to walk back towards the hospital room. As they passed a dumbstruck Steve, she reached out her hand and her fingers brushed his arm before she grabbed onto him to tug him along. Her hand slid down to grip his fingers, holding them so tight Steve knew it should hurt.

They made their way back into Sid's room and laid her down. They didn't bother reattaching any of the stuff she took off as it was out of their depth. So they just sat back, giving her sadness its deserved audience. They stayed with her for a long time. As they sat next to her, chairs scooted in on opposite sides of the bed, they held her hands as her grief bore into them with the stabs of her sobs and the scourge of her whipping breaths.

—

Hours later, when Sid had finally exhausted herself and fell asleep, Steve and Bucky sat in a still silence, both lost in thought and heartsick for their friend. During her tears she had talked here and there, saying kind things about Callisto and asking why men with machine guns were in her home.

Guilt ransacked Bucky at her words, it was unfamiliar and completely undesirable. He was slightly shocked at how awful he felt for leading this into her safe haven. He didn't think that as hard as he would be looking for Hydra, they would have been searching for him exponentially harder. He was so focused on the rage and the pain, that he didn't take a step back as the strategist and the assassin. He had multitudes of Hydra secrets locked away in his brain, but all it ever brought him was anguish. He didn't yet think to use them to his advantage.

"We should tell her." Steve finally spoke, soft enough not to wake Sid, but loud enough for Bucky to hear. "Tell her everything you remember, tell her everything I remember, she deserves to know what she's part of — what killed her friend."

Bucky's metal fist clenched the arm of the chair he was sitting in and it creaked softly so he let it go. He grit his teeth, knowing full well that Sid was deeper in this than he had ever wanted. His guilt, his need for stability, it had over powered his logic and he had chosen her to latch onto. She willingly became his friend and showered him with a love and affection he could not return. His drive for survival had not only killed her friend, but almost killed her as well. A very deep and selfish part of him could not regret having her in his life. Her presence had brought a comfort that had been lost since he first drew breath as the Winter Soldier.

He slowly glanced over at Steve sitting in his chair and staring at the fingers he curled around Sid's slim hand. Neither of them had moved for hours, sitting with this girl who had been thrust into their lives. What Bucky saw in Steve's gaze was a reflection of the compelling need to protect the woman who had worked so hard to give them happiness.

"I will." He nodded and couldn't help the twitch in his hand as his thumb grazed her knuckles.

"She's in this now, unfortunately." Steve added, "It's unfair if we act like she will remain unaffected by what happens between us and what we'll need to do."

Bucky nodded tenuously with a heaviness in his chest that wouldn't let up.

They were a perfect recipe for a war zone and Sid had been folded right into it.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 ** _Ugggggggggghhhhhhhh..._**

 ** _Happy Holidays lovelies! I am so tired and not feeling so well... hooooorrrraaaaaaaaaay. Sorry for the delay but its been a busy couple weeks and will probably continue to be busy until the new year. Much love to all of you and I hope things will bring you great happiness these next few months._**

 ** _Thank you Lmere for all of your help. My story is so much better with your eyes on the prize!_**


	19. The Reaping

19 : The Reaping

* * *

It had been days since Sid had talked to Steve or Bucky. She was currently _supposed_ to be living at Stark Tower, but that hadn't gone exactly according to plan. After her health seemed back to normal and Bucky and Steve sat her down and set her straight with their unbelievably tragic backstory, she had essentially gone numb. Too much information assaulted her: spy games, brain washing, genetic manipulation, torture, training, maybe time travel, it all whirled together with these turbulent little anecdotes from Steve's sweet lips, recounting the years he spent with Bucky seventy years ago. Her wounds were too fresh to hear them then, it was all just too much.

Steve, the tactician he was, outlined the best course of action, which was pretty much doing anything to keep Bucky — and thereafter Sid — absolutely safe from Hydra.

Bucky had taken the offered protection after the attacks in the tunnels. If not for himself, then for Sid and for the simple fact that, in general, he had a better track record of leaving corpses in his wake when he wandered off alone. Sid had showed him what it meant to almost feel human again and he had repaid her by getting her best friend killed. He only agreed to stay in the tower if Sid was kept safe as well.

In the depth of her sadness she had agreed to their terms and technically moved into the tower along with Bucky.

It drove her to madness very quickly.

Sid stole herself away soon after. Using her grief to manipulate their pity, she said she needed to pick up some things for her extended stay at the tower and she begged to do it alone. She pleaded with the soft side of Steve for time and she selfishly used her reactionary anger towards Bucky to guilt him into compliance. She told them she would be back in a few hours and that she would call and check in. When it was all said and done, she had probably gained a good few hours lead until Steve and Bucky would valiantly join forces to come search for her.

She'd immediately gone to the shelter, left the gifted Stark phone in the mailbox, and turned right around. She was going into the tunnels and despite the fact that two super soldiers would soon be on her tail, she knew that she could lose herself in the masses as easy as anybody. She reasoned that she'd at least manage to get a few hours to herself before they tried to talk to her and disrupt her raging grief with their blessed reunion.

Luckily enough, her hasty departure and subsequent letting down of two friends resulted in her arriving just in time to say goodbye to remaining hope in her life. Callisto's body had been ravaged during the attack and she was clinging to a half-life. Though she was unresponsive, Sid still had the opportunity to sit with her, whispering all of her favorite memories and venerating the undying love that they had always treasured. Callisto had been more than just friend or family. She had been an extension of Sid's soul: turbulent and chaotic and utterly beautiful. Hearing her last breath was the most painful thing to date in Sid's pitiful life.

Three days after Callisto's death and Sid was chin deep in gin and agony, wandering through the black hole that used to be her home and reflecting a little wistfully on how quickly life turns to shit.

She stayed in the tunnels, drowning her hours in the darkness, and spending most of her time drinking and smoking cigarettes. She'd never been a heavy smoker before, but when the moment struck, she'd sit down for a few puffs, just for the rush. A couples beers might do her decent most nights, if she really needed to kick back. Right now though, it seemed like every bad moment struck at the exact same time, so the cigarettes just kept coming, as did her illegally obtained gin. She had not had such a constant state of intoxicants in her system since the good ol' bad days when the Alley was first founded.

She spent the time in a perpetual haze, sneaking into the shelter for a shower once and stealing a few changes of clothes. She spent the cash she had on alcohol and cigarettes and when her cash ran out, she just started stealing. No one would see her anyway. She was more invisible than she had ever felt before, and it wasn't as if she had anyone waiting on her any more.

The tunnels were a good representation of how she felt, completely lifeless and empty. The warmth that used to course through her veins when she stepped foot on this hallowed ground was absent, stolen from her by malicious hands. A very apt allusion to her current state of being. There was a frigid darkness gripping her spine and it kept her from feeling pretty much anything.

Up until a few weeks ago, she felt like she lived a very human life for someone who didn't seem all that human. She'd lost herself more than once in her odd little history and leaned closer to darkness than she could ever have imagined, and eventually, she had plunged right in. She hurt herself, she hurt others, she searched and searched for something to spark a feeling that was worthwhile, but it was fruitless. The futile effort would cycle and cycle until she would wake up, return home, and finally find some solace in Callisto.

This moment, this piece of time, of living her life without Callisto, extended out into eternity and she honestly didn't know if she could handle that. She'd gone through the process of losing others, of course. Whether by convention or calamity, people died and then there was grief and then there was letting it go. She should actually be pretty proficient at losing people by this point, but nothing stung as harshly as the gaping hole that Callisto's death had left in its wake.

She wanted to just sink into the shadows; to lose herself in that perfect darkness. Her lighter sat untouched except to light her cigarettes. The only dim flicker that she saw for days was the treacherous pulse of fire at the end of her smoke. Lighting up and burning bright and then smoldering out into an empty inanimateness. She felt that it was a fitting description of what it felt like to try and breathe.

She figured she just found too much happiness. She found too much peace. Now she was left paying the price for its sudden, cruel absence.

A stupid idea struck her numb brain and she stumbled to her feet with a cigarette hanging from her lips. Smiling to herself, she made her way through the tunnels, lighting up a few more cigarettes during her journey with swigs straight out of the gin bottle to soothe her parched lips.

As she wound through the once beloved maze, she finally found her way to one of the exits and got topside without any interference. She tossed her cigarette on the ground with a flourish and took one last pull of her bottle of gin before tossing it over her shoulder and letting it shatter on the asphalt with a childish grin.

The night was young and she was determined to make a visit to a few of her former acquaintances that no longer had a spot on some imaginary blacklist.

Tonight would be a night of remembrance, a night of pain and sadness. Most of all, Sid decided, tonight would be a night where she would abandon herself for a little while and atone for her sins…

…For getting her friend killed.

—

Steve typed into his phone, letting the rest of his team and Bucky know that he had found Sid outside one of the known tunnel entrances and followed her to a tenement building in the Bronx. He decided to leave out the part about her being blind drunk, staggering through the streets until she reached her destination.

Steve watched as she was welcomed into the building by a large man wearing matte black leather from head to toe. He hugged her excitedly and placed an aggressive kiss on her lips that she visibly wilted from. Steve almost outed himself right then, driven by some absurd emotion to rip that man's arms from around Sid's flimsy figure and tear his lips away from hers. She went inside without any more fuss so Steve simply retreated and waited.

After Sid's departure, he was ashamed to admit that it took them more than three hours to realize that Sid had been at the shelter without so much as a word back to them. They had been so busy debriefing the rest of the Avengers and making contacts with their alliances in their battle with Hydra that they hadn't noticed how long she had been gone. Excusing themselves from the meeting, Bucky and Steve had been equally concerned, deciding to join forces in order to help her through what they had caused. When they attempted to call her and received no answer, they began to worry.

When they arrived at the shelter to they found Sid's cell phone locked in the mailbox but she was nowhere to be found. Their cooperation eventually lead to most of the Avengers checking in with them to offer help. With limited time and unlimited resources they had formulated a plan to find her.

Bucky had fronted a siege into the tunnels, a broiling sort of regret driving him to find her and to bring her back with him to Stark Tower and keep her safe. He was enraged to find that Sid had done more than cover her tracks, she had placed deliberate obstacles in their way to redirect them. No matter how well Bucky thought he knew these tunnels, it was paltry in comparison to the knowledge Sid had and now controlled. He was furious with her and terrified that he wouldn't get her back. They both needed to heal from what they had been through, but he knew, selfishly, that he needed her in order to do it. His rage had been explosive as Steve followed him through the winding turns and had no luck in spotting her or anyone else.

Eventually they found Doc, and then Callisto's body, but she had already passed and was being prepared for burial. Sid was gone. Doc had given them unbidden advice in telling them that if Sid didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be.

Bucky was hoping that whatever Hydra had done to him would prove useful, because he would not let her get lost without a fight. She'd picked him up too many times in the weeks they knew each other, he needed to be there for her. At least once.

Steve had a slightly more practical approach, but it was only because he was trying to rationalize his fear away. His racing to find Sid had been because he was concerned that whoever was after Bucky might also come back for Sid. They had been together so often, Steve was sure that they knew about her existence. If they knew anything about her powers, it was more than likely that she was also a target. Steve knew she'd be vulnerable going up against the power of Hydra alone.

Sid had done what Steve had hoped for. She brought him and Bucky together, to a tenuous sort of peace, but he had never believed it would be through her own sacrifice. This was a tipping point in his hope. Though he wanted to be overjoyed that he and Bucky were reunited, he couldn't allow himself to feel good about her losing her friends and her home because of it.

That's why he had devoted his energy to finding her. That's when Bucky stepped forward to supply more information about the tunnels, though it proved unhelpful. Together, almost reminiscent of their years as Commandos, they mapped out their plan to search for her. Despite the desperate darkness that revolved around their relationship, they latched on to whatever they could, and worked together to find her and to help her. Like she had helped them.

After a few hours passed, the door to the building Sid had gone inside opened and people began spilling out. They were all laughing loudly, shouting jokes and epithets at each other through a haze of drunken cacophony. The group sort of jumbled together and Steve thought he saw her get into one of the cars wearing a peacoat. Hoping against hopes he got to his bike and climbed on, following them at a discreet distance.

The music was blaring from their vehicle and he could still hear beats from it as he followed. They wound through traffic a lot less than safely and Steve was reciting half-hearted prayers beneath his breath as he tried to follow them through the minor chaos they caused.

As they reached a more popular area, Steve moved in a little closer, head concealed by a black helmet that held his comms. He was currently letting the team know where he was and told them that if he didn't contact them in three hours to send a small team to find him and Sid.

They drove down a few streets, raucous as ever as Steve followed behind, fretting. He deliberately fell behind as they pulled into a parking lot for a local hot spot. He went around the corner and stashed his bike and helmet jogging out to the street to get to the front doors. He turned the corner and saw the line for the entrance, but he also noticed that the VIP section was roped off. Behind the velvet cords, a few bouncers were shuffling in the large gaudy group he'd been trailing, with Sid nestled somewhere in the midst of it.

He slowed his steps as he approached the front, waiting for his targets to clear before he got to the door. When he sidled up to the VIP section, the very large guard eyed him up and down with incredulous suspicion.

"Uh, hi." Steve grinned and pulled out his wallet.

"Hi." The man replied, his voiced pitched high in surprise and mocking disbelief.

Steve shot him his most winning smile, "I was wondering how much it costs to get in as a VIP?" He fingered through his wallet slowly and then pulled out his I.D. to hand over to the man.

"Son…" the man chuckled pedantically as he grabbed Steve's ID, "you don't pay to get into VIP," he flicked his eyes over Steve's information with a soft scoff, "you got to get _chosen_ for the VIP."

"Heh," Steve mused, rocking back on his heels, "You have no idea how many times I keep hearing that kind of thing."

The bouncer laughed pretty hard at that, jostling the other bouncer at his back and causing the guy to falter forward and look back at his coworker with disdain. The annoyed guard jerked himself away with a rolling of shoulders and an annoyed huff, his glance just barely skimming over Steve as he faced forward. Suddenly that guard froze, his expansive shoulders hunching as he turned back around slowly with his eyes wide and his mouth agape while he gazed at Steve in awe.

"Sorry my friend," the bouncer in front of Steve started as he handed back the ID, "you gonna have to find another waterhole to poach from."

The bouncer from behind slapped his friend on the back of his head and started cursing at him, "Son of a —, do you _know_ who this is!? TJ, you look at him again right now!"

TJ turned towards Steve and eyed him up and down again, "Nah Trey, I don't know him."

Trey rolled his eyes and looked around at the surrounding crowd and spoke in a stage whisper, "Damn man! What is wrong with you!? That's Captain America!"

TJ's eyes squinted in disbelief, "Cap — _What_!? That ain't… It _can_ _'_ _t_ be —!"

"Did you look at his ID?" Trey spat as he pulled his friend closer. Steve just stood back and observed, trying not to grin.

"Yeah man —,"

"And what did it say?" Trey interrupted.

"I dunno man, Sam something." TJ replied and tried to shrug Trey off his shoulders.

"You dumb son of a—,"

" _Steve_! It said Steve!" TJ interjected, horror very starkly emoted on his face as he stared at Steve with a newfound awe. "Oh _damn_ man, I am so sorry!" TJ looked at Trey who shook his head in disbelief. He looked back at Steve with a huge smile on his face, "I didn't recognize you without the shield man! You saved my grandma from aliens dude, you VIP as shit! I'd let you shave me and paint me purple, you so golden in this joint."

Steve couldn't help the smirk that spread on his face, "Well, thank you gentlemen, I'm just here to meet a friend." He reached out his hand to shake theirs and they ecstatically engaged, "Is your grandmother doing well?" He directed that at TJ.

TJ swooned as much as a 6'7" man could as he shook Steve's hand like a water pump, "Yeah man, she's doing great. I'mma tell her you asked about her, she'll lose it."

"I _told_ you." Trey added in, pounding excitedly on his friend's shoulder in an affectionate way.

"That's wonderful to hear." He gave them his best Captain America smile and nodded, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm running just a bit late."

Trey and TJ fell all over themselves with shame. They opened up the VIP rope and guided him in, giving him a wrist band for unlimited drinks, though it'd do him no good. As he stepped to the doors he heard TJ say to Trey conspiratorially, "Captain gonna get himself a little bit of brown sugar tonight!" Steve tried not to chuckle as they howled in appreciation and high-fived one another.

As he opened the doors, the music pulsed towards him like a sonic boom. He could feel the heavy bass of the song flaring in his chest and it reminded him of the kind of sternum shaking coughs he frequently had as a kid. Shrugging off the odd nostalgia, he moved further and further into the crowd scanning faces and bodies to try and find Sid. He glanced around, finding an upper level where it looked like a bar and dancing space were provided. He assumed that to be the VIP area because entrances were watched and it was not nearly as populated as the bottom level. He walked towards the bar on the lower half and gabbed himself a drink to keep himself busy.

He sipped a beer casually as he circled the dance floor, trying to catch a glimpse of Sid. When he didn't see her on the outskirts of the gyrating throngs of people or hanging by the bar, he moved towards the VIP section for a better vantage point and tried his hardest to remain unnoticed. It would prove to be difficult if word of his presence spread before he spotted her.

He was thankful at least that he was just in a black leather jacket, jeans, and a plain white tee. Anything else would have made him stand out even more than he already did. It appeared that most of the men and the women were dolled up like superstars, though fashion had changed, courting behaviors didn't, they might look a little different, but the end goal was still the same. He wove through a few throngs of dancers, both groups of men and women, who shot him inviting eyes that spread a shy heat in his chest. As he shook hands with the bouncer to the VIP section, he figured out that news of his attendance was spreading. He had to move fast and find Sid.

He climbed the stairs to the VIP section, pushing past couples dancing on the platforms in ways that made the blush rise up to his neck. On the second to last platform, he approached the railing and leaned over between people chatting, eyeing the crowd and searching for Sid.

Eventually enough faces flashed past him and he spotted her in the south corner.

What he found made that blush on his neck jump right up to his cheeks.

Whatever she was wearing, Steve could hardly call it a dress. It was a deep red slip of material that tied at the base of her neck and draped a little too lazily down to a cowl between her breasts and flowed down her stomach. The tight band of material around her thighs was hiked up, barely there as she leaned back into the man behind her with her eyes closed tight.

The blush drained from Steve's face when he saw what the man was doing. His hands were all over Sid, his mouth attacking her neck as they moved together to the music, grinding and rolling their hips with a perfect sort of friction. His fingers were far too free on Sid's skin, digging into her flexed thighs and sliding a hand between the material of her half-top and her stomach, creeping up to her chest to take her breast into his hand. She rolled against him, her head dipped and her curled hair falling in front of her face.

The hand that was in her shirt slid down her torso and over to grip her hip. The one on her thigh slowly trailed upwards, ghosting between her thighs and up the fabric on her stomach, moving carefully over her breasts, and up her neck. His hand suddenly tightened in the hair at the base of her skull and the way Sid jerked in his arms made Steve fume. He immediately started moving down the steps, trying to keep them him sight.

As Steve reached the next platform he froze as he watched the man bend Sid over slowly, his grip on her hair tight as he forced her to arc her back. The sick look on his face as he stared down at her straining beneath him only intensified as he rolled his hips into hers, his tongue sneaking out to run along his teeth in a depraved sort of sneer.

Steve bolted to the next platform, still keeping his eyes on them as he wove through the gyrating crowd. The man pulled her back up slowly, tilting her head at what seemed to be a disagreeable angle and began to lap at her neck. Steve almost tripped when he saw the look on Sid's face: lips softly bowed down and her eyes were glassy, empty and alone. She seemed completely vacant as she stared out into the infinite nothingness above her while the man bit into her skin and she moved the way he wanted her to.

The lights and lasers shot over the crowd and cast her in a ghostly light. The man's lips trailed up the column of her neck and he whispered something in her ear and her eyes seemed to register something in his words and she nodded lazily. He let go of her hair and trailed his hand down to grip her wrist. He tugged her off the dance floor, her following like a contrite child primed for their penance.

Steve followed them through the crowd but lost them a few times as they were making their way towards the exit. Once he reached the entrance, he practically ran through the doors and onto the street, glancing around in all directions until he spotted them dipping into an alley across the way. He jogged over there, trying not to cast suspicion on himself and he edged into a shadow inside the alley.

All the way at the end, the man was kissing Sid with an overpowering tongue as he held her up against the wall, her back scraping against frigid bricks. She stood there in his arms, allowing him to do whatever he pleased, half-heartedly pressing herself back against the wall to put just the smallest fraction of space between her and her pushy companion.

Steve stepped forward slowly, taking care to not make a sound. He figured he could control the situation better if he approached it calmly. He halted his steps when the man pulled away from Sid for a breath of air that left her gasping. Her face was impassive and she stared back at him with nothing reflecting in her watery eyes.

As if amused by her callousness, the man turned her sharply and pushed her against the wall with a chuckle. She cried out when her face scraped against the building and Steve waited for her to fight back. Her attacker's response to the cry was to reach up and grab the back of her neck, pushing her face so hard into the wall it drew a sob from her lips. When he reached down and hiked up her skirt, Steve launched himself forward and shoved the man off of Sid and sent him flying back onto his ass.

Steve turned to Sid who was leaning her shoulder against the wall as she pulled her skirt down over her thighs. Her hands shook as she lifted up trembling fingers to push her knotted hair out of her face, smearing the blood and grime from her temple down her cheek. She hazarded a glance up at Steve and her eyes were tempestuous with shame, grief, and fury all battling for their hold on her. Once she forced herself to look away, she fixed her eyes on the ground and her features morphed to something empty.

Steve stepped towards her with an extended hand, opening his mouth to say something to her when a bullet ricochet off the side of the building about four feet above Sid's head. She dropped to a crouch and screamed as another bullet sounded off, flying wildly out into the night. Steve bolted backwards, away from Sid to draw the fire. He rolled away from a few more bullets and stood up to see the man who had been assaulting Sid take steps forward with a raised gun.

Steve put his hands up and glanced at Sid crouching on the ground with her arms over her head, shaking as she cowered away from the man with the gun.

"You know I'm not a big fan of being interrupted." The man growled.

"I think it seemed pretty warranted." Steve replied in a stone cold tone.

The man grinned, holding up his gun so that it was tilted, laying sideways in his grasp. "All you walked in on was me trying to have a good time with my friend here, isn't that right?" He looked down at Sid where she remained quietly breathing and shaking. He kicked out at her and Steve considered the man lucky that he missed. She flinched away anyway and he just chuckled as he looked back at Steve, "Best you move along."

"What I walked in on was an assault." Steve growled out, "And I think what's best is for you to do is put down that gun and get the hell out of here."

"You can't harm property." The man spat back and Steve tensed, "This bitch is rightfully mine. The only reason I been missing her so long is cause that cunt Callisto. Now I hear she's out of the picture, so we getting it back together without any further interruption. Ain't that right, baby?"

"Don't you fucking say her name." Sid spat as she pulled herself up the wall.

"Excuse me?" The man faced her with his gun still aimed at Steve. Steve went to take a step forward to attack, but the man lashed out and back handed Sid across the face.

A gasp of air escaped Steve's lips as he surged forward, but the man raised his gun and leveled it at Steve, grinning all the while.

With a laugh shaking his shoulders, he said, "I don't know if you have eye problems or something son, but I seem to be the only one here with a gun, that means I'm in charge." He cocked the weapon and leveled it at Steve with the grip he learned on the streets.

Steve cocked his head slightly, "You know, my eye sight is pretty good." He shrugged, almost friendly as he sauntered about, his easy footsteps taking him strategically closer. "Do you know what's not so good?" Steve paused, tilting his head again as he eyed the man with an empty grin, "No? Well, it's something I learned, very unfortunately, at the hands of a very good friend of mine who wanted to test the accuracy of hand guns." The man's grin faded and he looked puzzled as he glared at Steve. Steve shot a glance to Sid who was staring up at him in utter confusion. When he strolled past her he winked which only caused her frown to deepen.

Steve got back to the point as he took careful steps closer to the man, "His main focus of the study was the bullet's trajectory based on the grip of the shooter." Steve paused again and the man shook his head slowly, as if not understanding the point of Steve's speech.

With a grin, Steve continued with a chuckle, "Interesting fact: did you know that military professionals are taught that it's statistically safer to rush a gunman?" He turned slowly, squaring his shoulders to the man who was holding up the gun limply.

Steve's eyes narrowed slightly, taking in the lax posture and the dumbfounded frown on the other man's face. He planted his feet in a casual facade, his muscles rolling beneath his clothes before he continued. Clearing his throat, he shrugged softly and added with a stolid air, "You know, speaking of interesting facts…" Steve put a finger to his lips, pantomiming his amusement, "That study my friend did? He found that holding a gun on its side decreases accuracy by nearly _fifty_ percent."

The man frowned in confusion, glancing down at his hand slowly. Realization dawned on the man's face as he looked up at Steve just in time to see a smug grin spread across his lips before all hell broke loose.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **whooooooooooooeeeeeeeee, its been a goddamn busy ass month. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Its miserable. I finally caught a little bit of the writing bug and I'm happy to be back in this universe again. Hopefully I will finish the story soon and then I will dump the ever living shit out of this story so you can read it as a whole. I am impatient loser and I love finished fics.**_

 _ **Thanks again to Lmere and all my commenters. I really appreciate your feedback and it helps me be a better writer! Happy New Year!**_


	20. The Man with the Plan

20 : The man with a plan…Even if it's kind of a bad one.

* * *

The next moment happened in a flash. The man went to raise his gun, clumsily righting his aim before taking the shot. His sluggishness allowed just enough time for Steve to dash forward, deflecting the gun and ramming his own forearm into the man's chest. A sick crunch resonated in the alley and the man went flying back into the wall with a crash. The cloud of dust that flew out around him as he struck the brick wall was indicative of the power behind his impact. The man collapsed, sliding down from the dent in the wall with staggering breaths.

Steve took a few steps backwards, exhaling the anger that was scorching his insides. He tried to calm himself before facing Sid. For what she just went through, she was probably pretty shaken. As he exhaled his last tense breath, he turned slowly to face her, only to be met by her hand whipping across his cheek.

He staggered back slightly, holding his cheek more out of surprise than pain, "What the hell are you even doing!?" Steve replied in outrage, stepping forward into her space.

She stumbled backwards, a momentary fear on her face that she was shameful to show as she cowered against the wall. He stopped short, taking in that terrified stance and he gave her distance, his hand dropping from his cheek as he retreated only slightly.

"I mean it, what are you doing out here Sid?" Steve demanded with a sort of resignation in his tone.

Sid shrugged, wrapping her arms around her nearly naked body. She looked away from him as she shivered, trying to force disinterest on her face, "What's it look like?"

"It looked like assault —,"

"It looked like I was about to get _fucked_!" She replied harshly, pushing up off the wall and getting in his face. Sid fumed over his audacity to look slightly offended at her slurred rage. "Oh yeah, that's right Captain!" She shouted, waving her arms at him in a spectacle. "I was just looking for a little bit a dick!" A crazed grin split her lips and he stepped back in surprised indignation. She scoffed slightly as she circled him slowly and he followed her trail, "Maybe I felt like diving into some pussy and not resurfacing for _days_." She emphasized her sultry tone as she leaned towards him and caused a gape in her collar. "Oh and you," she purred, stepping forward to slide a hand down his chest, "what the hell are _you_ doing? Assaulting a civilian? That's so un-American. But I guess men in places of power will do as they please." She tutted him and then laughed coldly.

Steve tried to respond to her question but she refused to allow him a sound as she turned away. She chuckled to herself, "If I were even _wearing_ panties right now, they'd be vaporized by your precious display of aggressive and oh so very masculine prowess…" She whirled on him again, face to face with him since her heels gave her the inches and continuing on in incredulous redolence as she shouted at the sky, "I'm _that_ desperate at this point!" She walked away from him in a pantomime of her rage, arms flailing and throwing her body into her inflection as she spoke to Steve again, "Unfortunately I can't be sexually satiated by the concept of freedom and justice, so _excuuuuse me_!"

He stood tall and crossed his arms over his chest in disappointment, "Is that supposed to explain the clothes — or I guess, lack there of?"

She froze with her back to him and turned slowly, a drunken rage surely on her features. It slowly morphed into something maliciously beautiful as she sauntered back up to him, speaking with a rakish sensuality, "This is what you wear when you wanna get _fucked,_ Steve." With a coy grin she leaned in slowly, dragging a finger down his chest, "You may not understand it cause you're probably nose deep in pussy that throws itself at you, but for us peasants who have to live in the real world, that's the sick little tune we're taught."

Steve eyed her carefully, glancing down the finger that was edging near his belly button. When he looked back into her eyes, they were dark and hooded, a smile curling her lip that shot something like adrenaline through his system.

"So are you getting it?" She purred, "Or do I have to paint you a picture?" She whispered thickly and her hand jumped to the crotch of his jeans.

He jumped back and grabbed her hands, lifting them up to brace them against her, but it dislodged the small amount of fabric covering her and he caught a glimpse of the swell of her small breast and a dark nipple. His eyes darted up to hers and she shot him a tempestuously lascivious grin.

"Jesus Sid, what the hell is wrong with you?" Steve asked softly as he let go of her hands and stepped away from her, severe confusion and disappointment bending his brow.

Sid laughed bitterly as if yanking her hands away from his was her idea. "What?" She sounded incredulous with the question. "You've never thought about it?"

She stepped forwards slowly and Steve stepped back in a tango of power as she continued in a pur, "Never thought about bending me over a table and licking up my thigh?"

He blanched at her words, his mouth going dry as images flooded his head.

"I've thought about it." She laughed slowly as she moved, "Why not, right?" Her voice turned aggressive and she stopped just a foot away from him as something else entirely gripped her emotions. "That's all the matters on this worthless rock! Fuck or be fucked! It's what this whole shithole of a species boils down to."

Steve put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, "I know you don't believe that. Let's get you home." He tried to turn her but she shoved him off, tears suddenly in her eyes.

"Home is _dead!_ " She growled through her tears. Wiping at her face with an ungainly slash, she sniffled, "You don't get it."

"Sid, I'm sorry!" He pleaded, "What you've gone through isn't easy, but you don't need to do this." He reached out to her again.

"I don't need —?" She scoffed, absolutely offended as she slapped his hand away, "Don't you fucking tell me what I need _Captain_ ," she spat his moniker derisively, "you have _no_ idea —!" She began to yell.

"— _I_ have no idea!?" He almost shouted at her and it caused her to freeze.

A suddenly sobering look took hold on her face and she glanced down at her feet in guilt as she wobbled. All of her false bravado gone as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

"Fine." She acquiesced bitterly. "So maybe you get it, but mine isn't coming back, Steve." She added with a tempered fragility. Shifting slightly, she barked at him with a cold sarcasm, "I don't get to wake up in seventy years and find out she's secretly alive! I don't get some blissful reunion filled with cake and confetti." She glared at him now, "I get a bleak fucking future all alone in this goddamn hell hole until someone figures out how to kill me."

Steve felt their air rush out of his lungs as the silence extended.

She scoffed again, her voice taking on a sharp edge, "I could end up forgetting her face before I even get close to death." She almost laughed, a bitter smile strained her face, "Me!?" She pointed at herself with a quivering lip, "I may look fuckable on the outside, but I get to rot from the _inside,_ out." She bit her lip harshly to stop it from trembling and sniffled, sobering herself almost instantly, "I can't _do_ this anymore."

Steve exhaled heavily, her grief so strong it rattled in his bones, "Why — what makes you think that? That you'd end up like that?"

She stared at him as if he were an imbecile, "What makes —?" She laughed again, " _Everything_ on this god forsaken piss bucket!" She shouted, "There's gods and monsters and superheroes and aliens!" She looked around as if expecting commentary, "I mean, fucking why not immortals, right? There are people who can't touch another human without killing them. There are madmen all around the world looking for ways to destroy it. There is _hate_ and _sickness_ just _everywhere_ … Why shouldn't I be the unlucky shitstick who gets to see it all fall apart in a drawn-out blaze of infamy?"

Steve shook his head, a deep sadness edging towards the surface of his calm. He watched her shivering, staring at him like the world was dissolving into nothingness. She seemed so raw, so small as she stood there, looking more frail than he'd ever seen her.

He pulled his jacket from his shoulders and offered it to her but she coiled back in on herself, glaring at the jacket like it was made of scorpions. He pushed it on her again and she relented with rolling eyes as she staggered slightly to slip it on.

"We're going home." He reached out to her and rose a questioning brow.

She yanked her arm out of his reach and walked towards the edge of the alley in silence. Steve scoffed and followed her, edging slightly in front to lead her to the bike, but also to provide a little cover. She shivered as she walked, teetering in high heels that severely hindered her coordination. It probably didn't help that she smelled like she had been soaking in gin for a week.

He guided her around another corner, "Get on the motorcycle."

Sid frowned, "I fucking hate those things," She shook her head adamantly, swimming in his huge jacket, "Nuh uh, nope, I'm not getting on it."

Exasperated, Steve paced for a beat before turning on her with a stern set to his features. He got right up in her face, using his entire frame to dwarf her, his brow furrowed and his lips in a firm line, "You have two options here," he growled but she leveled him with a disinterested glare, "one, is that you sit on the back of the bike, you shut your mouth, and you hold the hell on." She curled her lip in defiance, "Two, I overpower you, because I'll have to, and then throw you over my goddamned shoulder and drive home one handed." He stood up straight and gave her a detached smile as he raised his arm towards his bike in a false form of chivalry.

She rolled her eyes and took a step towards the bike, "Chauvinist." She muttered and then spat on the street in the vague direction of him. Then she slowly pulled her eyes up to his face, "You pushing me around and using your testosterone to bully me into compliance isn't winning you any favors."

Steve walked up behind her as she stared at the bike with severe anger, "I'm not stronger than you because I'm a man, I'm stronger than you because I had various chemicals pumped into my body and then irradiated to make me into this." He motioned to his body. "And I'm threatening you because you're too busy being hard headed and blind drunk to think like yourself!"

She turned to him with a scoff and a rueful grin, "This has _always_ been how I think Steve. I just got tired of hiding from it."

"You and I both know that's horseshit." He snapped and she looked up at him, shocked by the harshness in his tone, "You're trying to find a reason to hate yourself because you think you got your friend killed." She turned away from him again and curled herself tighter inside his jacket, "But you didn't," he added softly and noticed her listening in her insolence. "Men threatened her home and she died to defend it — you said so yourself, any one of the Morlocks would lay their life on the line to protect the Alley."

He watched her glance towards him, her face falling deeper into a frown while hearing words she didn't want to believe. "Callisto died with honor." He stressed and she looked at him a little longer this time, "And you doing this, it's like you're trying to steal that honor away."

Sid flinched away from him at that, but he reached out to her and grabbed her shoulder, turning her slowly to face him. She wouldn't meet his eyes and so his hand moved slowly to hold her neck and jaw in order to gently ease her eyes in his direction. When their eyes met through the drunken haze, she looked so wounded.

"I know you're hurting." He began softly and with a sad smile. "I've been there, trust me, I know, but the last thing she would want is you harming yourself. You don't have to be strong, you don't even have to be sober, but you do have to let the people who care about you help." He squeezed her shoulder gently, a somber tone tainting his voice as he remembered wise words, "And you have to respect Callisto's choice to protect what she loved."

She turned her head away from him, her face cringing in a silent pain. She tried to pull away from his touch, eyes glaring down at the empty street for lack of a better place to go, but he kept a gentle hand on her. She huffed out an insolent breath in response to his grip, "I ain't got anybody else."

Steve scoffed, "Liar." She tried to turn away again but he pulled her back to face him gently and regained eye contact, "What the _hell_ do you think I'm doing in the Bronx right now other than looking for you?"

She looked away from him again, trying to close herself off, but Steve waited. He watched as a smile tugged at her pursed lips and she swayed slightly before the corner of her mouth lifted in a tempered grin. Her eyes floated back over to his and she curled in tighter around herself while trying not to smile at Steve.

"Now…" Steve walked around her and perched himself on the seat of the motorcycle. He grabbed the helmet and held it out to her, "Get on the damn bike."

She sighed heavily and wrapped her hair up in a distressed looking knot before yanking the helmet out of Steve's hands and tugging it on her head. The weight of the helmet caused her to go off balance and he reached out to steady her. He tried to keep the smile from his lips as he helped her climb onto the bike, wrapped in his giant jacket, and his huge helmet teetering on her neck, muffling her curses.

He started the bike with a roar and she flung her arms around his waist and clung to him so fiercely that it almost hurt when he laughed.

She reached up quickly and flipped up the visor of his helmet, "I hate you!" She shouted at him over the roar of the engine and then flipped the visor back down before burrowing into his back again.

"You don't meant that!" He just laughed as he shouted over his shoulder. He revved the engine and somehow her grip managed to tighten.

He rolled down the street at a relaxed pace, with her clinging to him desperately, and for a moment, he was just genuinely happy that she got on the bike mostly willingly.

Steve Rogers may be tough, he might even be brutish if you ask the wrong people, but never in his life had he bluffed so hard. If there was one thing he wasn't willing to do, it was forcibly remove her and take away her agency. That was not something that Steve could ever stand for and even saying the words made his skin crawl. As she gripped him like a life-line, he was just so thankful that he had found her in time, he was willing to do almost anything to get her to safety. Even if it meant protecting her from herself.

When they returned to Stark Tower, Steve had to peel Sid off of him in order to dismount his bike. He helped her lumber off and onto shaky legs, with wobbling knees and unsure feet. He held her close as they made their way towards the elevator in silence.

Once inside she tried to nonchalantly pull away from Steve before reaching down and removing her heels. She practically hissed as she tossed them in the corner of the elevator farthest away from her person. When she stood upright she had put some distance between her and Steve, leaning up against the wall as she wound herself up tight in Steve's jacket.

Steve stayed quiet. He'd said his piece and he thought he did an all right job. He was thinking about what he could do or say to help her out of this. He perfectly recalled how Peggy had talked to him after he lost Bucky and how much of a difference it made. But he was no Peggy Carter and he missed her fiercely. Despite their odd ending as a mere flint of love, he still respected her more than anyone and wished he had her full council during this entire ordeal.

He glanced over at Sid for a moment as she stared at the floor, gnawing on her lip and fully in her head. She may seem utterly downtrodden, but Steve believed she was strong. Peggy would have loved her.

When the doors to the elevator opened, Bucky stood in kitchen, leaning on the breakfast bar and gripping the edges of the marble in a strenuous hold. He turned when he heard the doors whoosh open and walked forwards as Steve came out with Sid stumbling behind him.

Bucky rushed forward but halted himself when he saw that Sid refused to meet his eyes. He took a step back, trying to regain control of his breathing as he inspected her. She seemed shaken and beat to hell. Blood and grime were smeared on her face and pebbles of asphalt were embedded in her bloody knees. She looked awfully familiar as a beat up kid in nothing but oversized clothes.

He pulled his gaze away from her, trying to force himself to walk away and allow her some peace from him. When he started to move for what had become his room in Steve's home, Sid suddenly burst into tears and threw herself at him.

He froze in a strangled delight as she squeezed him tightly. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and laid his face against her neck as she cried. He pulled her close, inhaling her scent and relishing in the feel of her skin against his face. He wanted to wrap himself up in her, get lost inside of the touch of her skin against his, and it terrified him.

He pulled back abruptly with the thought, yanking her arms from around his neck as he stared at her with mild dread. She was still crying as he held her away from him, his eyes scanning her features and finding something horribly painful swelling in his chest.

He took in a harsh breath and dropped her hands as he shoved past her and retreated to his room, slamming the door with a loud crash.

Sid flinched at the sound through her sobs and she started to crumble after Bucky's abrupt absence. Steve caught her easily enough as she fell apart, feeling weightless in his arms. He lifted her slowly, hitching his arm beneath her knees and carrying her into his bedroom where he sat her down on the bed as she continued to cry.

His first order of business was grabbing a damp cloth to clean off her face. She barely moved while he did so, taking great care to cleanse the tear streaked cheeks that trembled under his touch. After he finished with that, he tossed the towel into his attached bathroom. Then he walked over to his chest of drawers and pulled out a t-shirt and some boxers. When he turned back to Sid, offering the clothes, she stood through her harsh whimpers and tugged off his jacket. She didn't look at him as she wiped at her face and then reached back behind her neck to untie her dress with unfocused eyes.

Steve looked away sharply, remembering how open Sid tended to be with her body. As he listened to the dress fall to the floor, he felt the weight of the shirt leave his hands, quickly followed by the shorts.

After a few moments he heard her padding over to his bed with soft sniffles and she climbed under the covers and went silent.

Steve sighed heavily and then went back to his chest of drawers to grab his pajamas. He glanced back at Sid but only saw a bundle of white sheets and black hair, so he moved to make his way towards his new bed for the night: the trusty old couch.

As he pulled open the door he heard something that made him pause. He turned back towards Sid, but all he could see was her cocoon. He waited another second in silence.

"Please…" He heard her whisper, just barely, "Please stay."

Steve walked back over to the bed and sat on the opposite edge, "You want me to stay and…" he gulped slightly, "In here? In the bed? With you?"

She sniffled as she sat up, settling him with a discerning stare. "I may be drunk enough to need someone to cuddle away my despair, but I will never be sober enough for _that_ Steve Rogers." She joked lamely and her face twitched with sadness for a moment, "Since Bucky isn't exactly the touchy-type, I'm asking politely, if you'd stay with me. Sleep _next_ to me. I just need…" She rasped and dragged a hand down her face, lost in her drunken emotions, "…I just can't be alone." She refused to look at him until she finished the sentence.

Steve eyed her carefully and nodded slowly. She flopped back down into the bed and covered herself up again. He rose gently and closed the door. Peeking to make sure she wasn't looking, he quickly changed into his pajamas.

Jittery as he eyed the bed, he exhaled heavily and moved very carefully onto the mattress, keeping himself on the edge, as far away from Sid as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was crowd her.

He laid on his back for a few moments, the silence broken by soft sniffles as Sid began to cry again. Steve rolled to his side slowly and stared at the lump, believing it was her back. The entire mound shook with her silent tears and so he tentatively scooted a little bit closer.

When the blankets continued to shake, he reached out a tentative hand and placed it gently on what he hoped was her shoulder. The mound suddenly shifted and she rolled out of the cloudy whiteness and into his arms, curling against his chest as she cried. Her arms flew around his neck and held him close as her body shook.

He wrapped himself around her slowly, holding her near and rubbing a gentle hand down her back trying to soothe her. After a few more minutes of crying, he took a chance and his fingers trailed up her back and untied the knot of her hair at the crown of her head.

Slowly and expertly, he threaded his fingers through her thick locks, working his digits gently through the knots. His fingers splayed across her scalp and down through her tresses, equally mimicking and improvising the type of head rub his mother would give him as a boy when he felt out of sorts.

Eventually her sniffles rescinded into soothed breaths and were soon followed by the sounds of heavy sleep. When she seemed to be completely out, Steve slipped his arms from around her and got her comfortably situated on her side of the bed. He scooted back a little bit and with baited breath he watched her face for a moment to make sure she wouldn't wake up.

As he closed his eyes to try and get some rest, it seemed the last thing was exactly what she needed the most.

* * *

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _Sid: Human Disaster. Poor thing. Ugh. But I love this interaction between them so much. I don't know why but I feel like its important... I feel like I should know why it feels important... I'm writing the goddamned thing. Ugh. SRUB: Human Disaster. Now I know where Sid gets it._**

 ** _If you're on Tumblr, I'm (get ready for this) DrudInducedSIGayEroticFriendFiction... I mean you can probably guess my motivation behind it... If not, its ok. I'm just fandom trash._**

 ** _Please let me know what you think? I love this story so much and all of these characters are my little babies and I just want them to be happy and make other people happy._**

 ** _Thanks again to Lmere for being the most bitchin' beta. Thanks to dirtyhands and guest for commenting, you guys are the most understanding readers ever and I appreciate it. My life is insane sometimes and I just go along with the ride :D_**


	21. Will Work for Food

21 : Will work for food

 _(Mention of recreational and medical use of marijuana)_

* * *

Sid woke slowly, in that blissful state between sleep and wakefulness where most people experience peace. Her entire body was in a haze of comfort. She was warm and cozy, resting on a bed that felt like literal perfection. The sheets were smooth against her legs and the comforter was just heavy enough to supply repose, but not overheat her. The warmth was most concentrated down her spine and so she pushed herself back into it like a cat, absorbing it completely and letting it sink into her bones.

The warmth curled around her then, almost sentient in the way strips of it dragged up from her wrist. When it graced her elbow, it slid from her arm and pushed across her stomach, stirring up a heat that had been dormant for quite some time. She let her body move with it, feeling it pull her closer to its source, engulfing her in a dreamy sensation.

Her eyes fluttered softly as the heat continued to caress her, holding her closer, engulfing her totally as a tendril of hot air curled around the column of her throat and up her to her ear. Tingles spread down to her fingertips and toes, and she couldn't help the sleepy smile that curled her mouth.

A moan escaped her lips when she felt the heat push back against her, becoming substantial. More strips of heat dragged up her stomach, ghosting over her breasts before it rested on her neck and she felt the heat dig in, gripping her just enough to let her know it was there. She tilted her head, allowing the furling heat the access to glide down the skin of her neck. She gasped when the sweetest caress of a kiss trailed along her shoulder.

For just a second she reveled in the sensation, the incendiary spark that lit a fuse straight to her center and caused her to arc against it in complete desire.

Then the second after, she realized that heat was not corporeal. Reality began to dribble back into her senses. She felt large, strong fingers coiled around her neck with a sensual grip, the solidity of an expansive chest pressing against her arching back. A fist gripped at the material covering her stomach, while a bulge of heroic proportions ground against her backside. She didn't fully realize what was happening until she felt teeth sink into her skin and the most gentle lapping of a hot tongue soothed the sensitive spot and brought her to full attention.

She gasped her eyes open which must have been just loud enough for Steve to wake up from whatever fantasy he had been dreaming of. Limbs froze for what felt like an eternity, silent, entangled, and apprehensive.

On the fourth second Sid was thrown from the bed in a heap of blankets and pillows with a yelp and a crash. Once she was able to extricate herself from the mound of king sized sheets and comforter, she huffed out her annoyance on the floor and saw Steve standing on the other side of the room, his face a mask of utter horror as he stared back at her.

"I — are you? —did _I…_?" He stared at her, obviously appalled, muttering apologies and muddled questions as his chest heaved breaths in and out. His hands gripped the wall, acting as if that were the only thing keeping him back from her.

"Steve —," Sid started, her mind still reeling from what just happened and she was very suddenly aware of the consequences of her heavy alcohol consumption.

Steve just stood, unresponsive, his eyes glassy and distant as he continued to breath heavily. When he finally focused on Sid, he opened his mouth a few times, only to close it quickly after. Blinking heavily, his lips took on the shape of a thin line and he glanced over at his clock and then back at Sid with bashful eyes above reddened cheeks.

"I —," he began again and froze. He pushed off the wall and stood unsteadily, glancing at the bed and then back at her.

Sid leaned forward on the floor, her legs splayed out and tangled in blankets, eagerly waiting for his sentence to finish.

When he focused on her again, his face was in a frantic facsimile of his usually steely exterior. "I have training." He said starkly, allowing the silence to stretch for only a few seconds before he turned away from her and left the room without another word, barefoot and in his pajamas.

Sid sat there, staring at the open door with her mouth gaping as her lust began to dissipate. The nausea surged forward this time, a consequence of her ardent alcohol consumption and hasty removal from the bed, and it made her vision swim. She gulped back some bile and then looked back at the door where Bucky was now standing, leaning against the wall with his face perfectly impassive.

"What?" Sid growled at him, wavering slightly from the effort it took.

"What's his problem?" He asked with a level voice.

Sid flopped onto her back, sinking herself into the magnanimous comforter and sighing, "Circulation…" She replied testily and Bucky snorted. The effort of falling back into the blankets had dislodged something violent in Sid and she lurched upwards with a gag and shouted, "Oh god!" as she frantically scrambled over to a trash can by Steve's window and promptly threw up far too much half-digested gin.

When her stomach was good and empty, she wiped at her mouth and groaned, glancing over her shoulder to see Bucky still standing in the doorway and looking quite smug. She groaned heavily again and then spit one last time before crawling back over to the comforter and slithering herself inside of it.

A grin tickled Bucky's lips as he spoke, "You need anything?"

Her only response was a very long groan.

"You sure?" He patronized as he saw the lump start to roll around slowly beneath the blanket in despair.

She popped her head out suddenly, her eyes bloodshot and her hair in a tattered mess, "How about a bullet to the brain?" She replied bitterly and then lost herself among the sheets again. She fingered the material for a second and grumbled under her breath, "An orgasm might be nice…" She heard Bucky snort and then her entire body went stiff, how could she not remember he had super human hearing!?

"Well, you know where to find me when you need help with that." His reply came gruffly and she was silently praying that he hadn't heard her lascivious addition.

She thought that he was gone and so she relaxed into the blankets and sighed.

"Either of them." She heard Bucky add with a chuckle and then she heard his footsteps begin to disappear.

Feeling like she might cry, she buried her face into the blankets and tried to breathe. She tried to get herself back together. She didn't have time to think about what the hell this meant. Last night she had been horrible to Steve and her words and actions fiercely disgusted her. No more than two minutes before, she and Steve grinding up against each other in a way that felt so perfect, she couldn't possibly have placed herself in reality. No more than a minute after that, she was propositioned by her mysterious and murderous friend to either put a bullet in her brain or to give her an orgasm.

To be honest, she wasn't sure which was more terrifying.

She shook her head to rid herself of these thoughts which she then realized was a grave mistake as the blankets began to spin. But she unfurled herself slowly, peeking out of the cracks in the whiteness for suspicious super soldier feet waiting to torture or tease her. When the coast seemed clear, she got herself dutifully to her knees and then soon to her feet. All with only two instances of such intense nausea that she had to dry heave into Steve's bin. Eventually she just laid back down.

Glaring at the bin itself, she cursed it, being on her feet had not lasted very long at all. "This is all your fault you stupid bin." She snarled at it, her arms wrapped around it in an intimate embrace. Laying her head against the metal, she groaned in effort as she got to her feet officially, the bin snuggly wrapped in her grasp like a newborn as she made her way into Steve's bathroom, not only to wash out her refuse, but also to try and present herself like a functioning human being.

Whatever the hell that entailed in this place.

—

Clint and Natasha were currently climbing stairs to reach the top of Stark Tower. They did this some days, running up flights of stairs in a race of speed and agility to keep themselves sharp.

No matter how much they trained or how often they were out in the field, they always took a bit of time together to step out and have a little fun. That was quickly what these stair exercises became.

Clint pushed through the door to the roof first, bringing him out into an area that seemed to be reserved for maintenance. Through his labored breaths, he rose his hands in the air over New York City and gave a triumphant cheer, celebrating his victory over Natasha.

The air above New York was usually either clear and crisp or thick and muggy. Being up this high usually relieved them of the usual city smell, the one that seemed to stick to every surface down on the streets. When he took in his first focused breath, to calm and center himself, he froze and turned back to the door as Natasha burst through, looking rightfully pissed.

"You pushed me!" She growled and slapped his shoulder.

He recoiled away from her, gasping in shock. "I pushed you _aside_ , unlike someone who likes to shove people _down_ stairs!" He snarled back at her and they fumed for a second, until Clint inhaled again and then went slack, "Oh yeah!" He looked around for a moment, sniffing.

"What?" Natasha asked, suddenly suspicious. Clint rarely turned down a good shouting match.

"It smells like weed up here." Clint said rapidly and then took a very deep inhale. "Oh yeah, definitely weed."

"Thank you Pawfficer McGruff." Natasha replied dryly. "Yes, it smells like weed. Why shouldn't it? Tony? Bruce? Would you really be surprised?" She flashed him a restrained grin.

Clint chuckled and stretched, "No, I guess not." He looked back out at the horizon and started to stretch out his arms for his and Natasha's hand to hand training. He was just hitting a beautiful spot on his upper back when he saw a puff of smoke curl up from behind a bin containing Stark tech. He gave a half chuckle and glanced at Natasha who was looking at him expectantly with her eyebrow raised.

He shrugged his shoulders and started walking over there, the wind and the noise pollution enough to hide his steps from everyone but someone super. He glanced back a few times at Natasha who was working on not grinning in that casual way of hers as she trailed behind him leisurely. They found the right bin by following the puffs of smoke and then rather mischievously, crouched down and went to surprise whoever it was smoking the half illegal substance.

"GOTCHA!" Clint jumped out and shouted and Natasha scoffed at him while rolling her eyes.

The response was a scream so shrill it actually got Natasha to plug up her ears. Clint went cross-eyed for a second until the screech ended and he had to shake out the ringing in his hearing aids.

"Oh my god! I have a prescription!" Sid yelled her reply at them with hands up, one hand holding the earbud she accidentally ripped out in terror.

"Sid?" Natasha came from around the corner, the infinitesimal switch in her eyebrows showing her surprise, "What are you doing up here?"

"Smoking a dooby." Clint sang it.

Sid relaxed her arms when she realized no one was trying to kill her and yanked out her other earbud. After she inhaled a few deep breaths of oxygen she glared at Clint, "Oh my God, Clint no one says _dooby_ anymore."

Clint just grinned, his shoulders and hips wiggling like a cat ready to pounce. "Rollin a fatty?" He drawled through a grin, his tongue sticking out between his teeth.

Sid just laughed, grown accustomed to Clint's ridiculously audacious behavior for being a top secret super spy. She'd been gradually getting to know the other Avengers over the last few weeks. What started as a dissertation on her biology turned quickly into bantering conversations that rapidly grew very affectionate. Between showing up to eat with Steve and stopping by the lab, she'd gotten to meet almost all of the Avengers by now. Tony and Bruce were large as life and quixotically practical, respectively, but she had a singular affection for Clint and Natasha. Their relationship was ambiguous but affectionate, both shared a biting sense of humor and wit the likes of which Sid had never seen. She respected them for their skills, but she quickly grew to love them as individuals.

Clint sat next to her and poked at the apparatus in her hand, "What the hell is that?"

Sid took a small hit on the electronic box with some sort of tank on top filled with an amber liquid. There was a crackling in the tank and Sid inhaled for a few seconds, holding it for a bit and exhaled a thick plume of vapor. "Personal electronic vaporizer. This here is a mod that an electrical expert friend of mine designed — basically a fancy battery. The top is an rebuildable atomizer which vaporizes liquid into vapor, which I inhale instead of smoke." She sighed, "I smoked a carton of cigarettes over the last few days and I feel disgusting, but I needed something to taper me off nicotine use again." She shook the tube at them, "This is it."

"Filled with cannabis oil?" Natasha quipped.

"What are you the Principal?" Clint chuckled and then made grabby hands at the thing, "Show me, show me."

Sid chuckled and showed him how it worked, "The city of New York forbids the smoking of medical marijuana, but not edibles and oils used for vaping." She paused her studious tone and then pulled the apparatus away from a frowning Clint, "Is Steve going to court martial me because I'm corrupting his teammates?"

Clint grabbed at the small box and was putting the metal tip of the RBA into his mouth as he spoke, "Trust me, we were so far past corrupted, we're circling back again. And that was prior to you even being back in New York." He pressed it to his lips, clicked the button, and inhaled a very small breath.

"So really, _I have a prescription_?" Natasha drawled as she sat next to Sid on the ground.

"I do!" Sid insisted, but Natasha just rose an eyebrow in disapproval. Sid rolled her eyes, "Fine, it's under a false name, but I still got it! Walked right into a doctor and got approved for medical use."

"I thought it was primarily used for pain meds." Clint exhaled through a series of sharp coughs as he handed the vaporizer to Natasha.

"Pain management as well as an antiemetic and appetite booster. It's also useful for anxiety, insomnia, and people suffering from anorexia. It has a lot of practical uses in the medical field and after much trial and error on my part, it's what works best for me." Sid replied, well versed in the subject after years on the street and her incessant need to keep herself out of noticeable trouble.

"I think I got some Xanax in my bathroom if you need to take the edge off. It might be expired though." Clint leaned back and stared up at the sky.

Sid pulled a face and shuddered, "Can't use it. I've tried _plenty_ of prescriptions — not that I should be proud of it or anything — but weed is the only one that doesn't make me violently ill."

"Maybe it has something to do with your biology." Natasha muttered before taking a small inhale.

"Probably," Sid agreed, "I also was raised by a bunch of hippies during my most impressionable years, so there's probably something to that." Clint chuckled softly and Natasha smiled around the drip tip.

Natasha exhaled without issue and rose a challenging eyebrow to Clint before refocusing on Sid, "So what's bugging you?"

"What do you mean?" Sid smiled weakly.

"Well, you're up on the roof of one of the tallest buildings in the world, smoking weed, and moping." Clint grinned, "Sounds like a story. Actually, it sounds like an eighties movie."

Natasha cleared her throat as Sid took back the vaporizer and switched the tanks to a nicotine liquid as to not overdo it on the marijuana. Natasha's tone was casual, "Not to mention the fact that you're not wearing a bra underneath Steve's sweatshirt and no panties beneath a pair of Steve's boxers."

Clint flicked his eyes up and down Sid's body and frowned over the fact that he missed that, "Hey, how do you know what Steve's boxers look like?" He flicked his eyes to Natasha who was not looking amused.

"Because I bought ninety percent of them." She rasped back dryly. Clint cringed and then faced Sid, waiting for an explanation.

Her eyes went back and forth between them a few times and she took a deep inhale of her vaporizer to try and prolong the moment. God knows, two master assassin ninja spies would figure it out soon enough. She exhaled the plume of vapor and then she inhaled a lungful of fresh air. "You probably heard that my friend died," she started and they both nodded in a woeful manner, "well, I just kind of lost it. Went a bit too crazy. I'd been living a good life too long and her dying — it's just…"

"You don't have to explain that." Clint added sincerely.

Sid shrugged and wiped at her teary eyes, "Well, I've pretty much been drinking since I left the other day. I had the wise idea to go hang out with a crew Callisto had to save me from a grip of years back." She noticed Natasha's inquisitive blink and explained, "I got in deep with them during a rough period. I took too many drugs — _real_ drugs — got knocked around a bunch, and didn't know how to get out until she dragged me back by my hair." She smiled ruefully and sighed, "So for some reason, I thought meeting up at his home and going out for a night on the town was a great idea."

"You were looking for a punishment." Natasha said with finality and it made Sid flinch.

"Yeah, maybe." Sid gave her a shrug and a weak grin, "Got so wasted last night I barely remember any of it until I was out in the alley and some dick rag bashed my head against the wall. I couldn't stop him, being the complete drunken fuck up I was, but he didn't even care." She exhaled heavily, guilt rising up in her throat.

"Are you okay?" Natasha said, her voice had the slightest edge to it — almost compassionate, almost murderous.

Sid nodded, "Steve found me before anything else happened. Beat the shit out of the —,"

"Heh," Clint interjected suddenly, " _dick rag._ "

Sid shook her head, chuckling softly, "Yes, Steve beat the shit out of the dick rag. Then he and I got into it and I was an emotionally shattered drunken mess and said awful things." Her face crinkled in sadness, "Callisto was the one person I've known the longest. We knew _everything_ about each other." She sighed shakily, "Without her, I'm just a whisper of a myth. It's like the tether to my life here just suddenly —," she made a popping sound with her lips. Her face went blank before she pulled another breath in on her PV.

"And the clothes?" Natasha urged.

Sid leveled her with a bitter glare, "The clothes are because what I wore last night was about one-eighth of the material of Steve's sweatshirt. I probably scandalized Captain America." Then she had the horrible realization that she had just been grinding against _the_ boner of the Brave New World just a few hours ago. His fingers of freedom had been digging into her flesh and his patriotic pearly whites had sunk into her shoulder and pulled up very passionate feelings. What she experienced had to be the epitome of the American wet dream.

"What?" Natasha reacted to her face.

Sid floundered for a second, trying to play up her rather lusty thoughts as general discomfort, "We — I — he brought me back here, got me cleaned up, I cried some more and begged him to lay in bed with me." She recited it like a police report. Her features looking just as eager as she sounded.

Clint was giggling again and Natasha shot him a quick dirty look before glancing back at Sid and eyeing her up and down again, "And?"

Sid exhaled heavily and glanced at Natasha, wondering just how vague she could be and get away with it, "We just woke up in a rather —," she chose the word delicately without much pause, " _compromising_ position. I freaked. He freaked. Then Bucky offered to either shoot me or fuck me, I'm still not sure."

Clint was now doubled over laughing, "Are you serious?"

"Are _you_?" Natasha rebuked him and he continued to giggle just shaking his head.

"No-n-n-no," He chuckled out and took a deep wheezing breath to regain composure, "Jesus Sid, that's a hell of a way to spend twelve hours."

She shot him a dark look, "Don't give him a hard time for it, okay?"

Natasha rose an eyebrow, "If you didn't want anyone to know about it, why did you tell us?"

Sid scoffed and leaned her head back against the metal bin, "Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're _you_." Natasha grinned slightly and Clint chuckled, "You would have either pried it out of me or you would have pried it out of Steve and caused a huge commotion. And since Clint refuses to _not_ take every opportunity to get a rise out of someone, I decided it would be easier to just come clean." She eyed him harshly and he shrugged his agreement, "Aside from all of that, I'm also atrociously hung over. I have no will power right now. I'd do anything if you made a vague allusion to giving me a cheeseburger."

"Or an orgasm." Clint added and Natasha snorted, surprising everyone, including herself.

Sid looked at her and they shared a tense moment. They were both equally trying not to laugh, their faces stretched in a slight pantomime of seriousness. Clint watched on in silence, rapt with who would break first.

Sid blinked _really_ slow and for some reason that set off Natasha. Her laughter was melodic and deep, comforting to the core. Her chuckles set off Sid which in turn set off Clint and they rolled around he rooftop for a few minutes, laughing until their sides hurt for no good reason.

Bucky found them all ten minutes later, lying on the ground, the last dregs of their laughter leaking out between pained groans and harsh breaths.

* * *

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _Ahhhhh filler. But fun filler. Before anyone jumps on me for weed usage, understand that it is actually a very helpful medicine for those it works for and in those places where it is legal, it can be safely used for recreation. I've studied it a lot and I now know a lot of the science behind it and know many people who use it to manage their physical or mental disabilities. So chill, ok? It made sense for where I'm going with the story and Sid's origins. Plus, it was funny._**

 ** _So I have yet another health issue cropping up so I just wanted to let you all know in case things get a little rocky in the next few weeks. I am pretty confident I will be able to keep to my schedule, but just in case, I wanted to warn you._**

 ** _Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you are having a terrific weekend! Leave me a comment! Tell Lmere how perfect and wonderful they are! Also tell yourself how terrific you are and give yourself a wink from me._**


	22. Impropriety and Friendship

_22 : Impropriety and Friendship: The importance of interpersonal relationships and how they make people feel weird._

TW: Sexual Content

* * *

Steve and Sid evaded each other for the next few hours.

Steve spent pretty much all of his time in the boxing ring, trying to pummel his lust away. He ignored Clint and Natasha when they had come sputtering laughter into the gym. Then he ignored Bruce when he tried to ask Steve a question about the serum. Although he did actually pause his punches in order to glare down Tony's attempts at gaining consent to tinker with Bucky's arm.

To put it lightly, Steve had a focused fixation over his work out. Well, that's what he kept telling himself at least. He tried not to think of Sid, the way she felt beneath his fingertips, the heat of her skin as she rolled against him in that little pinpoint of time. His jab landed too hard this round and sent the bag flying. Luckily, Tony had figured out some sort of polymer blend with something called grapheme that made a punching bag which was not only antimicrobial but so far, Steve and Thor resistant. Since no one was interested in ripping it in it to shreds, they decided not to consult the Hulk.

He glanced up at the ceiling where the bag was supposed to be anchored enough for a couple tons of force. His frown increased and now his frustration was slowly ebbing into anger. He walked over to where the bag had flown and picked it up with ease. He set it against the wall and grabbed the dust bin to sweep up the remainders of the ceiling that were now sprinkling down. He grumbled to himself the entire time about nothing specific in particular. He just needed to release some of this tension before he did something stupid.

Realizing that exercising was not proving to be beneficial, he made his way begrudgingly back up to his floor to find it blissfully empty. He made a hasty retreat to his bedroom and shut the door, locking it for good measure, and started stripping. He pointedly ignored the bed with as much secretive fervor as he could muster. He pulled off his soaked shirt and tossed it in his hamper with slight disdain for its claims of being sweat resistant. He dropped his sweatpants and stepped out of them, kicking them off to join with the shirt easily enough. The next part did not come so gently.

He slipped his thumbs into his compression shorts and began to slowly pull them down over his hips. When it reached his groin, he cringed, his erection was so sensitive it was on the fringe of agony. He sighed heavily when he was over the mound, pushing the shorts down his legs and then stepping gingerly towards the bathroom.

For hours he tried to punch away his demons while reciting cursory sorts of prayers to clear his mind. None of it worked, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many memorized psalms crossed his lips, he just had the sensations and the dream playing on repeat to the beat of his fists. It had probably gone on for far too long.

Now that he was in the shower, the heat engulfed him and he leaned his head against the tile wall in desperation. He didn't want to be thinking _those kinds_ of thoughts and he had spent a lot of time since the serum working to get them under control. Focus was always key for him and during the war, it hadn't been an issue. He didn't have time to mull over lecherous impulses and even if he did, none of the Commandos would have begrudged him that. They all had varying levels of loneliness to combat.

Since defrosting and dealing with aliens and then missions for SHIELD, he was almost always preoccupied with one crisis after another. During missions and after tough ones, his energy was diverted to more important tasks, like sleeping or healing. But since the fall of SHIELD and Bucky's escape, he found himself with odd patches of free time where his mind would go to wandering. It wasn't an easy way to live, where his body had the capacity to react like a live wire to certain stimuli. At the moment he was positively buzzing.

He didn't have a lot of time to be meeting anyone or developing a relationship, despite Natasha's insistence. It probably didn't help that he was far too scared to form close relationships with people, because once he became attached, it only meant loss was in his future. When he had met Sid and she was thrust into his life as his only chance at reaching Bucky, he never expected to become so affixed to her.

Her friendship meant a lot to him. She was a different sort of person than most he got to interact with. She was fresh and funny and despite her rightful baggage, she was almost always a positive influence on others. Getting to know her, listening to her jokes, and learning to trust her, it opened up too many avenues in his mind. She made him think and question and yearn for understanding; her obsession with life was infectious. She was inspiring and beautiful to him as a whole, even with all of the dark spots. He felt this bond forming and solidifying and the dream he had was not a merely _friendly_ dream. It didn't feel wrong, but being in the position he was in with Bucky, he was afraid of _using_ her, of drying all that goodness out. Going through what they all went through the last few weeks, he was starting to realize how important she was becoming to him on her own.

His mental flagellation was interrupted by an agonizingly temptation throbbing at his groin. He looked up into the spray, shutting his eyes against the heat and letting it trail down his neck and shoulders, rivulets of water exploring the varying dips and curves of his muscles. He shivered slightly as images from the dream came back full force and the trails of water felt like fingertips on his flushed skin. His eyes shot open and he felt like gasping at the feeling that tingled through him. He gulped back his apprehension and looked down in regret.

Heaving out a guilty breath, he reached his hand down and gripped his length gently. He sucked in a very shaky hiss through clenched teeth because of the abrasive shudder that rippled through him. Pleasure jolted up his spine and into his brainstem, lighting up his body in sensation. He moved slowly at first, feather light touches and tugs that seemed to jerk his muscles involuntarily. Eventually, images from the dream that morning began playing over in his head and he welcomed the colors and movements, the breathy sounds urging his hand just a little faster. Flashes of entwined bodies moved together, a mash of lips and hot breath, rolling into one another through a perilous oblivion.

His grip tightened and his jaw fell open with a hasty breath, water poured over his head and down over his lips. His eyes clenched shut to relish in the sensation of his hand gripping and twisting, reminiscing about where his fingertips once were: pressing into Sid's lovely little frame. He tried to remember just how she arched against him, the exact curve of her spine and the pressure of her backside pressing into his aching groin, and his hand sped up. When his teeth sunk into her shoulder and his tongue snaked out to just get the smallest taste of her, she gave him that hedonistic little gasp and it had been a siren's song. Flashes of the dream surged forth again, an addition of that little breath dancing on her lips while bodies searched together for perfect synchronicity.

He came undone quickly after that. His other hand helped him balance against the bathroom wall as he tried to heave air back into his lungs during his climax. He had gone too long without doing that and it always drained him significantly. Adding that to the late night and the hours he just spent exercising, he was rightfully spent.

He finished up his shower routine and gave himself a shave before wrapping himself up in a towel and making his way to the kitchen for some food.

He cleared his throat, shame and guilt flaring the blush on his chest when he went to ask for Jarvis. "Jarvis?" Steve started as he approached the fridge, reaching in to grab one of his jugs of orange juice, "Could you please let me know when Bucky and Sid are returning to the —,"

His front door swooshed open, with Sid laughing as she leaned up against Bucky, her arm wrapped around his metal one, and her smile just as radiant as ever. Bucky looked almost relaxed as he walked in, but when he saw Steve, his face went cold and his entire body went tense while his eyes roved up and down Steve's body.

"Ho-ly shiiiiiiiiit." Sid exhaled in a low whisper.

Jarvis finally chimed in after a few beats of silence, "Captain Rogers?"

Steve set the jug down on the counter slowly and wiped his mouth carefully as his eyes flashed between Bucky's unreadable frown and Sid's severe surprise, "Yes Jarvis?"

"Sergeant Barnes and Sid have arrived." Jarvis beeped off.

Steve felt a surge of absolute rage towards a machine that was obviously starting to adopt his creator's sardonic behaviors. He exhaled heavily, very much aware that he was still in just a towel. Sid and Bucky were both just staring at him, expectantly, maybe longingly. Sid looked at him like she was half expecting him to put on a show.

"Hey." Steve started lamely and they didn't respond, "I'm gonna go put some clothes on and, uh —," he said the first thing on his mind, "take a nap," he mumbled stupidly and instantly regretted it.

Instead of leaving them time to reply, he high tailed it out of the kitchen and back into his bedroom where he firmly shut and locked the door.

"Jesus." Sid exhaled after the door shut.

Though Steve Rogers was surely a specimen of human perfection with clothes on, she had _not_ been prepared for the god-like resemblance to heaven personified of him sans clothes and dreamily damp. She glanced at Bucky with a chuckle, but he was rife with tension, his arms stiff as lead and his face frozen in an unreadable expression. She opened her mouth to say something but he just yanked his arm away from her and went to his bedroom.

How she got screwed into the couch, she'd never know, but she plodded her way over to it and sat down, staring at the inactive TV and just trying to think.

She'd been somewhat propositioned twice in the same morning. Then she had lunch with one of her propositioners in an amicable fashion and had been steadfastly avoided by the other for the remainder of the day.

She thought that she had a lock on those lusty feelings prior to seeing Steve half-naked, but after that shot of nitrous to the very basest part of her brain stemp, it was likely they'd never bow down again. Sighing heavily, she looked at Steve's door and felt everything that was shameful burning in her gut.

She _was_ attracted to him and though she didn't really believe in having a type, rippling muscles with the shoulder span of bald eagle's wings wasn't exactly in her repertoire. Though she wasn't completely blind towards the more ostentatious physical aspects of the human body. There'd been a few people in her past that maybe she hadn't clicked with emotionally, but physically, it was a whirlwind.

With Steve it felt so different. Her attraction to his body didn't come first, probably because she was just generally thrown by his immense dimensions. She cared about him _a lot_ as a human being and as her friend; he was an interesting person and she thought he was just utterly beautiful to the core. She didn't want the silly notion of blurring attraction and affection ruining it for them. She didn't want to lose him over an honest mistake and a physiological reaction. She'd done stupider things fully conscious and she couldn't be horriblyupset with him over all of it.

The whole situation was awkward and wonderful, and recalling the way he had felt wrapped around her, she still wasn't even sure she had wanted him to stop. So really, he couldn't broil in his shame alone. Sid was just as confused.

Sacking up, she stood slowly and walked up to Steve's door, lifting her fist and holding it there for a ten count of terror before she finally knocked.

He opened the door a little too quickly, looking over her head at first and then leveling his gaze to hers. He tried for a nonchalant smile, but he was so stiff it was almost painful for Sid to see him like that, "Hey."

Sid cringed at him, "Can we not do this?"

Steve straightened slowly, his weak smile faltering a bit, clinging to the notion that he was too stupid to know what she was talking about, "Do what?"

Sid frowned and pushed past him into his bedroom and then sat on his bed. He stood stunned, watching her for a few moments before then closing the door. He approached the bed slowly, the sigil of his shame, and sat with too much space between them for it to be normal.

Sid sighed heavily and hopped herself closer to him so she could catch his eye. He visibly stiffened when she touched him and so she scooted a little further away, trying not to focus on the sting of rejection she felt in his reaction.

"I mean, can we not do the whole 'this is weird because we accidentally dry-humped' thing?" She smiled weakly at him and she could tell he tried not to grimace. "I mean, I'm no master of sexuality in the 1940s, but I've learned a lot over the years. I get attracted to a lot of people. It happens, people are beautiful."

Steve frowned slightly, eyeing her up and down with a curious expression, "People?"

Sid shrugged, a grin on her face, "Yeah, _people_. I like men and women and all the other beautiful people in between. You're little history debrief after the ice nap should have educated you on the topic of sexual identities. There's been tons of small movements to identify and respect the dizzying variations in human attachment. Some people are very happy with one type, some like two, for some people it's not the type that matters."

She watched him closely, a guarded sort of fascination in his eyes consumed what she was saying. She smiled softly, there was probably a lot of things Steve felt a little unclear about. His entire life was his experience and he had to weigh new knowledge against the old. She nodded encouragingly, opening up to him about herself a little more, "People tend to classify how I feel as bisexuality, liking two or more genders, but a lot of people call it pansexuality too — the attraction toward people of any sex or gender identity." She gave him a cheeky grin, "But, I also just _really_ like pans."

He couldn't stop the chuckle in his throat and so he gave in, allowing it to dissolve some of the tension between them, "That's pretty cool." He nodded, thoughtful, "People weren't exactly walking down the streets in the 40s talking about being attracted to the same sex. They still talked about storks delivering babies."

Sid nodded with her own chuckle, "Well, humans as a whole are a far cry from being accepting to all sexualities nowadays —," she paused thoughtfully for a moment, "or you know, genders, races, belief systems… Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a social discourse on how humanity is failing us, it's supposed to be about you and I as friends."

Steve nodded with a nervous smile down at his hands, "I guess I just don't know what to say."

Sid nodded, "That's fine too. You don't even _have_ to say anything, really. But Steve what happened was a physiological reaction to a stimulus. You had a dream or sleepily reached over and snuggled — it's not completely crazy to say that any person in your position might make the mistake and do the same."

He hung his head, feeling a cold dread grip his chest, "I just _really_ don't like that I had been touching you without your go ahead."

Sid smiled and warmth flooded her heart, "Well to be honest, I thought it was a dream and technically, I was _super_ digging it and I didn't want to stop you. I wasn't scared, I wasn't hurt, but most of all, I appreciate that you _care_ that I might have been." She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and she felt him flinch, "I've known a lot of people Steve and I've very quickly come to realize that I'm capable of falling in love with just about anyone." Steve glanced at her nervously, "I fall in love with a person, how they talk, how they treat me. That love can be romantic, affectionate, sexual, platonic, and even more importantly, sometimes those lines just blur and that's okay. The important thing is that we need to communicate."

He nodded to her slowly, "So we can still be friends?"

Sid grinned leaning into him, "Of course!" She laughed this time when he seemed to relax, "It's a _very_ antiquated notion that people of different genders can't be friends platonically. You're handsome and I'm _so_ sexy…" She stressed her words sarcastically and tugged on his arm as if the burden of her attractiveness weighed her down.

He couldn't help the chuckle that rumbled in his chest.

"I'd be hard pressed to find anyone willing to pass this hot mess up." She showcased her body jokingly and it made Steve laugh. She smiled at him sweetly, relishing in the rare sound, "The thing is, it's not a crime to see your friend and find them attractive. But it's not a death sentence to our relationship, it's just a reconfiguration of boundaries."

"I guess I'm having a hard time reconciling the differences." He shot her a restrained grin with flushed cheeks.

Sid curled her arm around his shoulder, "But the _real_ crime here is throwing me off a bed and then literally _running_ away." She laughed and playfully yanked on Steve's ear and he grimaced while wilting in embarrassment. She pulled away with a grin, allowing him more space, and she added softly, "But honestly, the real issue comes when we don't respect each other's feelings towards it — that's where we are right now: just trying to figure it out. We just need to talk about it, if you're comfortable with it. I think it would ease both of us to know what each other was thinking."

He nodded slowly and sighed with determination. "I was having a dream." He spoke softly, with shame, "It was intense and when I felt you there, the realness of all of it sort of took control. I wasn't conscious of what I was doing until —," he paused, his blush rising again, "well, you know."

Sid nodded, "I do and I went through the same thing. I thought you were a _really_ cozy comforter."

He grinned as she leaned into his side. He was relieved to feel the tension from her touch begin to thaw, "So what do we do now?"

"Well, do you want to have sex with me?" Sid asked, blasé.

Steve's eyes bugged out and his voice hitched a few octaves as he scrambled away a little, "What!? No! I mean —, What?!"

Sid just started laughing, falling back onto the bed while she tried to wave at him to calm down, "Oh my god, _no!_ I didn't mean like _right at this second._ " She sat up chuckling and watched as his face slowly went back to a normal color. He sat back down on the bed with a huff and Sid tried to bite back her smile. She tried to proceed maturely, "Ok, whew, I'm sorry. That was a little brash, I guess. I'm just saying we can leave that as an open option later. I have had successful relationships with people based on mutual needs without the caveat of romantic entanglement."

"That sounds complex." Steve admitted nervously.

"Fuck buddies, Steve." She socked him in the shoulder, "Sometimes you don't want romance, but you can have a friend who you bond with and are attracted to. If said friends are two consenting adults who discuss the relationship, they can decide to engage in sexual congress." She added with a very studious tone to her voice.

Steve laughed, "Oh! Well, why do you have to say it all fancy-like and confuse the big dummy over here?"

Sid just replied with a rueful chuckle, "Sorry, sorry — I like flowery language." She adjusted, facing him and turning her features to an affectionate severity, "I mean it though Steve, I would probably be fine either way. I love you as my friend, you're a great guy. You _are_ attractive and I'm not dead, people have needs and so I'm okay with breaching the topic at another point. But all of this is nothing to be ashamed of." He watched her carefully as she spoke, "The only time I would ever be ashamed of being your friend and/or possible friend with benefits would be if you stopped treating me like a person first."

He frowned heavily at that, "Why would anyone treat you like anything less?"

Sid smiled wide, tears brimming in her eyes and so thankful that a person like Steve Rogers existed, "And that's why you're special and I love you, Steve Rogers."

He blushed slightly and remained silent as he glanced down at their hands, entwined and so familiar. He wasn't sure what he was ready or willing for, but he knew without a doubt that he loved her too. As he glanced back at her, chin perched on his shoulder and smiling up at him, he just wasn't sure what that type of love entailed.

She had entrenched herself in his life and he'd welcomed her with open arms after witnessing her devotion to Bucky. She had been so refreshing compared to most of the people he had met and with her special talents and her particular issues with aging, he found someone who could understand the types of things he was feeling. She talked to him so casually and so openly it inspired him to do the same. Just in the last few weeks they had known each other, she had come to know him better than most people alive today.

"I guess I'm just conflicted about it." He admitted weakly.

Sid nodded, "That's okay. We will figure it out." Suddenly she pulled away and Steve begrudgingly realized he disliked her absence.

When he looked at her, she was leaning back on her hands and one leg crossed over the other as her ankle bounced. "What?" He asked her, afraid he somehow offended her.

Sid sighed, "Well, we need to figure out what you are comfortable with. If you want me to stop being so physically affectionate because it makes you uncomfortable at the moment, I'll happily stop. This is _our_ friendship Steve, we need to compromise."

He reached for her hand and pulled her back to him, lacing his fingers with hers, "Please don't, it's almost always comforting."

"And those other times?" She questioned, concerned.

He sighed heavily, a rueful smile on his lips as he stared at their hands again, "That's a whole 'nother can of worms."

Sid chuckled, "Wanna talk about it?"

Steve sighed, "Well, as my friend, it's just —," he waved a lazy hand up and down her frame and she chuckled. He leveled his eyes at her and smiled, "Something they theorized about the serum was my physiological reaction to _certain_ stimulus _."_ He finished with a hokey tone and Sid just shot him a restrained smile.

He continued, "My physical reaction time is almost nonexistent, muscle memory is quick to learn, and the effort required for efficient and intelligent strategic planning is practically nothing." He took in a deep breath, no one but his doctors and Natasha really knew about the extent, "What they didn't expect was how it would affect me internally. Emotionally…" He paused having a difficult time with the sensitive subject, "…I can dissociate very easily in certain situations, but it all comes back like an avalanche later. My emotions can be overwhelming some days, but if I keep myself busy, I'm usually okay. With Bucky and then you, I got a little off balance and one of my other, erm, _issues_ resurfaced."

Sid nodded slowly, "And what's that?"

Steve exhaled so harshly Sid thought she'd fall over from the gust of air. When he spoke, his voice was timid, "The doctors said it affects my libido. Just like everything else, it's rather enhanced. I usually have it under control, but…" He glanced at her, comforted that she wasn't pushing his efforts to be vague. "This morning, it was like my higher functions just switched off and all I could feel was you." He glanced at her and was relieved to see her smile softly at him, "I would never consciously cross that boundary Sid, you have to believe me."

Sid nodded, listening intently and respecting the fact that he was so nervous. "I do Steve. I really do. And like I said, if you need someone, you can talk to me or come to me, okay?"

Steve nodded slowly, a lump forming in his throat over the ways he could take her statement. He had the shocking inklings of relief because she just seemed to care so much. It meant the world to him and he felt his throat closing in. He replied hoarsely, "Thank you."

Sid smiled sweetly, "You're always welcome Steve." She reached up and curled her arm around his head and pulled his forehead down for a kiss.

He smiled as her lips pressed against his skin and it was like a single touch removed nearly all of the tension from his body. When they pulled apart, the moment broke and he glanced down at the bed next to them and tried to keep his unease from showing.

"I don't —," he began and then paused, "I don't want you to think that behavior like this morning is an all the time thing." He leveled her with a serious frown, "I just want you to know that you're welcome here every night: in the beds, on the couch, whatever. It's like you've given me and Bucky a little slice of home."

She gave him a soft smile, holding back the bountiful emotions erupting in her chest, "Thanks Steve." She laid back slowly on his bed and stretched, popping the joints as she gave a weird sort of squeal. When she was finished, she turned to see him looking over his shoulder, chuckling at her.

"You're welcome." He replied and patted her leg.

She sat up slightly and squinted at him, feeling like he had something on his mind, "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

Steve shook his head with finality in his tone, "Nope."

Sid rose a suspicious eyebrow and smiled, "Okay then, I'm gonna use your shower if that's okay?"

"Of course." He smiled. She got up off the bed and kissed him on the cheek before moving past him towards the bathroom.

Steve exhaled heavily, pleased with the weight that was removed from his shoulders. Sid was far smarter than she liked to lead on and he felt like he always learned something important when he spoke with her. The satisfaction of talking it out with her and hearing her side of things granted him at a certain amount of ease.

The main problem was not that he was conflicted about Sid, because he really wasn't. She was a great friend, so open and almost terribly giving. She had a charm that was masterful, he felt contented to bend with her smiles and sighs, reassured in knowing she'd never ask for more than she needed. He thought she was quite striking too, that kind of familiar beauty that spit in the face of convention and redefined it; it was no surprise that he subconsciously attached to her so quickly. He understood her appeal to him in both physical and emotional ways and he was okay with that at the moment, but he knew the sort of off-hand behavior like this morning would no longer be tolerated without explicit discussion. He would not disrespect her like that again. She was far too important to him and Bucky.

Back to the main problem, the one that burned so fiercely against the back of his eyelids as he felt a headache begin to brew. He glanced at the bathroom door, listening to the soft humming of Sid's favorite song of the day and the water spurting to life against the tile in a perfect stream. The real lurking worry that stirred up ancient and evidently antiquated guilt, was the fact that this morning, during the dream, he had, of course, been thinking about Sid, but they hadn't been alone.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **dun dun DUUUUUN... I mean, I guess you shouldn't be too surprised. Well, at least I hope you all read the content warnings in the first chapter otherwise this story might be slightly surprising.**_

 _ **Either way, thank you to my beta Lmere. Thank you to DirtyHands for the lovely conversation. I'm having quite some fun writing lately, though it is scattered and a bit desperate. See you all next week.**_


	23. All Wrapped Up in your Smiles

_23 : All wrapped up in your smiles_

* * *

A full month passed since her severe emotional breakdown over Callisto's passing and though her days were still filled with random bouts of painful grief, she was starting to feel a little bit better. The despair was still raging, she still cried every chance she got, but for the most part, she had accepted that the grief was now a part of her. Eventually, she may be able to think about her time with Callisto without trying to drown herself in tears and gin.

But today, today she felt good and so she was riding it hard. Sid was twitching with delight. She was doing her best not to run down the streets towards Stark Tower belting out the words to "King of New York" as she tried to click her heels together during a jump. It was one of the first times she had left the tower by herself — that, or they had finally put together a decent tail she couldn't spot — and her first order of business was a present for Bucky.

He still wasn't willing to talk with Steve about anything, but they coexisted in a silent struggle of confusing body language and glances that ranged from a demented longing to brooding confusion. They'd communicate effectively if absolutely necessary, but most of Bucky's quirky grins or his huffs of laughter were reserved specifically for Sid. Even when she tried to make jokes in public that she _knew_ he found funny, she'd get nothing. But so far he had refrained from killing anyone in Stark Tower, so that was a big plus.

The plans later in the day may change that stunning effort, but she was not without heart. She was desperately hoping that plying Bucky with a gift would ease his eventual appointment and assessment with Bruce and Tony. She had planned to be there and had insisted on only non-invasive procedures, but she knew Tony's dalliance with pushing the envelope. Thus the dire need for a present.

She walked a few more miles, blissfully listening to music from a Stark tech music player she requisitioned from a despairing junk drawer in Steve's home. She should feel weird about squatting in the Tower, especially since she was roosting between various beds and couches every single night. She was grateful and vocal about it, repaying in small ways as much as possible, but she'd learned a long time ago that nothing was permanent. She was helping them, they could help her, but eventually she'd move on and it would just become another story to tell, another memory to guild in her mind.

Focusing instead on the present, she threw herself into the music pumping in her ears, trying not to dance out of her shoes as she turned the corner and spotted Stark Tower looming in the skyline like a monolith, though still quite a ways away. With a deep breath, she surged forward with renewed vigor and was just so excited to reveal her dastardly delightful little plan.

—

Steve and Bucky were sitting in the kitchen together, silent, and staring at nothing. They sipped on their respective coffees, painfully aware of how stiff the interaction was without Sid as a buffer.

Unfortunately, Bucky still hadn't regained any cogent memories, nothing that he felt he could trust. He hadn't learned to trust the people of the tower, he didn't have time for trust, but it was at Sid's insistence that he agreed to be checked out by Banner and Stark. He knew full well that he needed maintenance done.

Steve wasn't sure how Sid bullied Bucky into it, but he nonetheless had agreed. All Steve wanted was for Bucky to be in good health with a chance at an emotional recovery. As he glanced swiftly at Bucky, for only a stolen moment, he almost choked on his coffee when he realized that Bucky had been looking at him too.

They both looked away instantly, squirming slightly in their shared discomfort and fascination with one another. Steve felt a blush jump so suddenly to his face he thought he might keel over. He wondered what he could say, how to proceed, or what on earth could be done to make any of this all right. He took a breath as if he were about to speak but nothing came out. So instead, he shut his mouth and continued to stare at the counter top, sipping coffee he didn't really want, but would gladly bathe in if it meant a single moment longer in Bucky's presence.

The whooshing of Steve's door saved them from another hour's worth of deathly silence and they both turned slowly towards the noise.

The first thing they saw was a dog. It looked like a girthy ham hock walking on four legs. Steve couldn't help but grin as he watched Sid stroll in right behind the mutt, her smile so wide that it felt like she brought all the sunshine in with her. He chuckled softly, wondering what was currently happening and wondering how the hell Sid kept a dog a secret in Stark's Tower.

Steve's smile faded when he saw Bucky slowly rise out of the stool in the kitchen, his feet planting on the floor unevenly. Steve went to mirror his actions, shifting in his seat and preparing himself to tackle Bucky into submission if need be. In the time Bucky had been at the Tower, there had been more than a few breakdowns that resulted in aggressive subduction. Sid and Steve both hated to do it, but in some cases it was absolutely necessary until Bucky calmed down. Steve flashed a look at Sid with trepidation as he started to rise but she just winked with a huge, reassuring smile and turned back to Bucky. Steve slowly sat himself back down and waited with bated breath.

"Is that —?" Bucky spoke for the first time in more than an hour, his voice raspy, like he forgot how to use it in all this time.

"Sure is." Sid smiled and pat the head of the dog seated at her side. Her fingers slowly clicked the clip of the leash and Sid pulled away with a grin, "Dolly, go visit daddy."

Dolly, the sixty pound pit bull and service dog, galloped haphazardly over to Bucky as quickly as her stumpy legs would carry her.

Steve watched as Bucky's knees gave way and he dropped to the floor just in time for the mutt to leap into his arms. She rolled around wildly with glee, taking every opportunity to lap at Bucky's face. He curled around the dog for a solid minute as she lavished him with affection, giving him soft yips as if to let him know that yes, all this was real.

Bucky's entire body relaxed the longer he held the dog. As Sid and Steve watched him, his stiff hands started with gentle fingers moving, escalating up to, but not yet exceeding, vigorous belly rubs. Even his eyes seemed to brighten behind the haze of surprise, his gaze eventually sharpened and became almost animated. Soon enough, the dog was rolling onto the floor, resting on her back as her legs kicked out in gentle little waves while Bucky leaned over her, murmuring Russian into her jowls as he rubbed her neck.

Sid stood to the side, her hand over her mouth as tears blurred her vision. She took a glance at Steve and her heart just about shattered as she watched him gazing at Bucky and Dolly with a distinct reverence. His mouth was barely open with breaths stuttering gently on his lips, his eyes were brimming with tears, but open and clear, like a light had ruptured in him and resurrected a long-leveled hope. For the first time, Sid believed that she was finally witnessing that young artist and thug, pre-serum Steve Rogers, the little guy from Brooklyn, rearing his beautiful head.

Bucky looked up at both of them, a gentle smile on his lips and eyes that seemed fresh. He stared mostly at Sid, but when he looked at Steve, it no longer seemed to pain him quite as much. He held the gaze longer than necessary, absorbing the awe in the wet blue eyes of the man in his hallucinations — _memories_. The sharp little pain struck softly at the word. There was a small sigh on his lips as he stared back down at Dolly and patted her stomach.

"Thank you." Bucky said softly as Dolly laid exhausted at his fingertips, huffing in relaxed omniscience. Without looking, he slowly reached out for Sid and she walked over to him and kneeled, curling up in his arms. He held her tightly against him and pressed his forehead into hers relishing in the peace she pulled from him. His smile was soft as he closed his eyes, breathing her in and feeling an alien sort of warmth grow in his chest, something that seemed to be fragmentary, but nice.

They sat like that for a few minutes while Steve got himself under control. The raw emotion of the moment and his desperate hope to share it was raging in him something fierce.

There was a pounding of heels coming from the foyer and everyone turned to see Natasha standing near the entrance, looking ominous in fitted black jeans and a leather jacket over a plain shirt. She narrowed her eyes at them, looking back at her in varying stages of emotional distress. Steve was sniffling himself back into Captain America mode and Sid and Bucky were curled around each other in the warm sort of embrace that shot something a little painful through Natasha's gut, and there was something of a surprise at their knees.

A thready silence stretched on.

She cleared her throat softly, almost invisibly shifting her stance, "Clint told me there was a dog."

Sid smiled and opened her mouth to speak just as Bucky rose slowly to his full height, his arms at his side and poised for a fight as he eyed Natasha coldly.

Sid abruptly shut her mouth and watched with trepidation.

Natasha just flashed him an empty grin.

Their history was complicated.

The tense moment was disrupted by a low whining growl in Dolly's throat. Everyone's gaze shifted down to her, except for Bucky who grinned darkly at a now frowning Natasha. Dolly's tail started thumping when everyone finally paid her the attention she demanded and her mouth popped open to release her giant tongue. She looked up at Bucky and he jerked his head slightly and Dolly got up.

Dolly plodded over to Natasha with her head held high. Dolly stopped just in front of the agent and seemed to eye her for a second before leaning in, nose first. She circled the spy, Dolly's nose along her bootstraps, not letting anything escape her keen sense of smell.

After a thorough inspection, Dolly padded back to face Natasha and sat down in front of her, barking once excitedly.

Bucky blinked in disbelief.

Dolly walked forward and sat next to Natasha loyally, leaning some, if not all of her body weight on Natasha's calf to get a head scratch. Natasha glanced at Bucky with a wicked half grin and then slowly lowered herself to pat the dog's belly and murmur some Russian in her ear.

Bucky blinked again. Then a frown formed.

Sid leaned into him and whispered a soft, "Told you so."

Bucky shrugged her off gently as she giggled. He then clicked his tongue and Dolly shot up from under Natasha's nimble fingertips and sauntered back to her first love, her timeless soldier.

Bucky shot Natasha a smug grin as he sat down on the floor and Dolly crawled into his lap.

"Everything went okay then I presume?" Steve said as he sidled up to Sid and Natasha, giving Bucky time with his pet.

Sid nodded, "Yeah, it was no problem. The shelter was holding her for a few weeks, waiting for me to contact them. I wanted to get you both a little settled before bringing Dolly in. She was happily living under Jasmine's desk when I told her we were gonna go see daddy — she practically flipped!" Her smile was so wide as she watched life return to Bucky, she'd likely be sore later.

"You call him _daddy_?" Natasha quipped, slowly crossing her arms in curiosity.

Sid gave her a very unamused face, "Don't make it dirty."

Natasha's lip twitched as an amused response.

"That's great." Steve interjected a little forcefully, a small part of him desperately needing to be part of a special moment not twisted by innuendo.

"Well, I didn't just come up here to see the dog, Stark is ready for you guys in R&D." Natasha straightened and glanced over at Bucky playing with Dolly with a little less ice in her eyes.

Sid smiled, "Okay good, I was hoping to get him in a good enough mood to go down there." Despite his agreement to do the assessment, he was not very happy about it and it was seeping out into every interaction Steve, Sid, and Bucky shared.

"All right, you'll let me know how it goes? I've got some… sources to contact." Steve smiled, tilting his head slightly in a hidden sadness.

"Of course, Steve." Sid gave him a tiny salute and he shot her one of his best boyish grins. She turned to Bucky and smiled, "Hey, we gotta get down to the doctor to get you checked out."

Bucky lifted his head with slight apprehension. His hands moved slower on Dolly's fur, "Right now?"

Sid grinned at his gentle impertinence, "Yeah, Dolly's coming."

A small smile ticked on Bucky's lips and he stood and started walking towards the exit, patting his leg for Dolly to follow. She rolled around and got to her feet slowly to trail him at a leisurely pace.

Sid had already turned for the elevator with Natasha and Steve was just standing there and watching Bucky walk away. He wanted to say something encouraging, but he kept his lips buttoned.

As Bucky went to pass him, he shot Steve a quick look and muttered a gruff, "Coming?" before passing and continuing on just like nothing was said.

Steve's heart actually fluttered and he tried not to exhale in a sob. His feet moved without him as he stumbled along to join them in the elevator. As they gathered in and shuffled around to agreeable distances from one another, they remained silent and the elevator began to move. When it stopped for Natasha's floor and she slipped out, Sid reached out a slow hand and tugged on the back of a very restrained Steve's tucked in shirt.

He looked back in limited surprise, knowing it had to be Sid that tugged at him and he remained unimpressed until he saw the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes. She was staring at him with pure and unadulterated congratulations. Despite the fact that Bucky was most likely totally aware of her behavior, Steve's face softened. He turned from her with a small smile on his lips in thanks, facing forward again with his shoulders squared, and his chin just a little bit higher.

When the elevator doors opened on the right floor in R&D, Steve, Bucky, Dolly, and Sid strolled through the hallways. All of them had the tiniest bit of skip in their steps as they walked through the doors. Bruce and Tony looked up from their work, rapt with attention.

"Morning Golden Girls…" Tony started with a grin as the doors shut slowly behind them.

Sid bit her lip to keep the laugh in, glancing over at her companions whose brows were furrowed. She gave a full body sigh, throwing her eyes for a roll just to emphasize how desperately she wished to be finished with their gaps in time and pop culture.

"It never ends with you two. I'm going to have to relive the last fifty years of my life in order for either of you to get my jokes." She muttered and waved them off as she skipped forward to Tony's desk, wanting the best vantage point for the ensuing madness. She perched next to Bruce, smiling wide and he eyed her back with suspicious affection.

Steve and Bucky approached the desk as well, their lower halves finally coming into view behind the waist-high lab tables. Sid grinned and leaned forward just to capture Tony's face as Dolly padded around the corner at Bucky's heels.

Tony's face dropped, his eyes bugging out of his head, "What —!? _Get it out_!" He hopped to his feet and stomped his way over to Bucky with waving arms.

Sid's face fell as she slowly got to her feet. She expected Tony to freak out, maybe lecture them on lab safety and even make them watch a bad video from the nineties. What she didn't expect was for him to lash out at a dangerous assassin with no thought of himself or those gathered — not to mention the price tag on lab equipment in Bruce's proximity if things went _really_ south.

"Tony —," Sid begged quietly.

"We can't have an animal in the lab!" He insisted distractedly, dangerously infringing on Bucky's kill zone. "It's completely unhygienic! Not to mention shedding —!" he shouted and took one step too far.

Bucky tensed, his fists tightening at his side before he stepped in front of Dolly and she let out a low growl. Before he could make a move on Stark, Steve flew at Tony, shoving him backwards until they rammed back into the table with probably a little too much force. They jostled against each other, Tony groaning with Steve's full weight pressing against him.

"That would be unwise." Steve stressed as he stepped back away from Tony, who was almost bent back around the table, his face contorting in a theatrical display of pain.

"Ow…" Was Tony's strained response.

"Dolly is a therapy dog." Steve said calmly as he straightened Tony up with a few cracks of resistance. He brushed off Tony's shoulder with a smug grin, "Since this building happens to be housing as well as part of a publicly owned company, you wouldn't want to be caught up in the wave of bad publicity over a therapy animal, would you?"

Tony frowned heavily at that, "Oh come on —!"

Sid piped in to add a bit to Tony's torment, "Not to mention the fact that you'd be heavily discriminating against a well-respected World War II Veteran who was wounded in action and kept as a prisoner of war!" She glanced to Bucky who was still and tense. He was staring at Steve and Tony with something like enraged wonder.

Tony glared at her, "You, shut up." He faced Steve this time with a grimace, "You, also shut up." He pushed Steve back a bit and Steve allowed himself a little stumble for Tony's ego. Tony tugged at his clothes as he approached Bucky, slowly this time, his hands folded in front of him in a display of peace and stopping at an appropriate distance.

Tony glanced down at the dog who was grinning up at him with the happiest smile and the pinkest tongue he had ever seen. She tilted her head and her ears perked, making him squirm like a snake slithered down his spine, the cuteness inflicting unwanted feelings on him. With a grimace, he glanced back up at Bucky, "You…" He stated firmly, flashing a glare at Dolly's grinning face, "Take care of her and we won't have any problems."

Tony turned away from Bucky and walked back over to his desk with a tempestuousness he really didn't feel. He wasn't exactly a very big fan of animals contaminating his living space, but he distinctly knew how it felt to suffer from nightmares, panic attacks, and PTSD. The bravado was just a small layer of the armor he hoisted on himself every day to keep the fear at bay. If that mutt was Bucky's armor, he wouldn't take that away from him.

Sid flashed a very wide grin at Tony as he passed, pretending not to pay attention to her. As he sat back down at his desk, Bruce stood up slowly and faced Bucky.

"It's nice to see you again Sergeant Barnes." Bruce began without reaching out a hand. If there was anyone who could understand the self-hatred that stemmed from being a human weapon, it was Bruce Banner. He knew what it was like to have a person reach out to you, in all their innocence, and want nothing more than to just run in the opposite direction. Being that sort of monster came with an understanding of keeping away from the civilian population as much as possible. They lived as if they were toxic.

Bucky nodded softly in response. He could recall his debriefing with Hydra before the helicarrier. He had gotten all available information on the biggest enemies of Hydra that would most likely stand up against the fall of SHIELD. Bruce Banner, classified as the Hulk, was one of his memorized files. What Bucky had rolling around in his brain were facts and numbers, casualties and death tolls, the kind of data that he could relate to. Despite all that, the unassuming man standing before him appeared to be at peaceful stalemate with the monster within. Bucky wished he understood how.

"I was hoping to do a relatively routine physical on you. We want to measure your vitals, such as heart beat, blood pressure, and the like." Bruce held up a hand to show him into the wide examination room behind them.

Bucky followed slowly doing his best not to glance at Sid out of fear. The room contrasted harshly with the kinds of places he usually received maintenance in. It was well lit and clean, with glass walls that held numbers and readings. The exam table looked simple enough, with a tray laying nearby displaying common tools for examination and a few handheld machines that had smooth lines and a sleek look.

"Here is where we will measure those things. With your permission, we would also like to take blood samples and run a few scans on your body and your arm." Bruce added and he saw Bucky stiffen as he stared at the walls, all blank read outs for all the numbers.

"You don't already have me monitored?" Bucky grunted out, suspicious.

Bruce shook his head, "No, Sid advised us that it would be far more beneficial to ask your permission first. Other than knowing your location — which pretty much all of our locations are always available to each other — we haven't kept any tabs on you."

Bucky glanced at Sid quickly and she shot him a soft nod in response to his inaudible thanks. As he faced Bruce, he thought heavily on what the benefits of this would be for him. Mostly he felt fine, but he didn't know much about his own health other than ways to stay alive and pain free. Ever since the helicarrier he'd had a lot of trouble with his arm and it was beginning to bother him. Despite his complicated hatred for the thing, he needed it.

"Do I need to —," Bucky paused when his voice caught in his throat, " —remove it?" He tried not to look around at the faces of pity that surrounded him. When he looked up and saw Dr. Banner giving him a knowing look, he was surprised by the sliver of comfort it provided.

Bruce shook his head slowly, "No, not for any of the medical scans. They can be done safely with your arm still attached."

"That's where I come in." Tony added as he leaned into the room. He swiped at the glass walls and the useless data faded away, "I can help you maintain that thing." He waved towards Bucky's arm as he stood straight, sauntering his way over. "Or I could investigate specs to improve on it, possibly replace it." Tony shrugged as he caught Bucky's unreadable gaze.

Sid stepped forward, "And all of this is completely up to you."

"If you want to stop, you just say the words." Steve added, his features stern and serious, "We will never hurt you like they did." He insisted with an edge to his voice that everyone could feel sink in their gut.

Bucky flinched at the emotion in Steve's tone. He turned slowly, eying the man up and down. The static flashes of memories that came and went, the face that constantly haunted him and hurt him was coming together as something irrevocably painful for him to process. In those brief moments, when a specter would edge into his consciousness, he felt a familiarity with the blonde soldier that filled him to his fingertips. The blinding pain of Steve's presence was slowly getting weaker and the screams in his thoughts didn't seem as sharp. He _knew_ him.

Bucky nodded curtly to Steve and tried to roll the tension out of his shoulders. "All right." Bucky faced Bruce again, "Where do you want me first?"

Bruce gave him a soft smile, "Up on the table."

Slowly, Bucky plodded over to the table and climbed up glancing around and sighing with relief when he noticed there were no straps to secure him.

Bruce approached the wall and tapped a few things. The walls turned opaque, a soothing cream color, and the lights were less harsh as Bruce tapped in a few more things before turning back to his patient, "Would you like more privacy?"

Bucky glanced over at Sid and Steve who nodded in understanding, not objecting as they made their way to leave. Tony leaned on the doorway expectantly.

"Wait —," Bucky began, his voice on the edge of nervous. He glanced down at Dolly who sat by his knee, looking up at him with a timid, closed mouth smile and a thumping tail. Sid and Steve had frozen at his words, waiting patiently for him to finish. Bucky swallowed heavily as his eyes fluttered from his boots up to their faces, "You can stay." He muttered. He then added softly, "Both of you."

Trying not to smile, Steve nodded slowly as he walked over to a chair and sat, trying to seem as official as possible.

Sid failed miserably at that, smiling wide as she glanced between Steve and Bucky as Bruce waited to begin his exam. She at least did her best not to skip over to the chair next to Steve when she went to sit down.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Tony muttered from the doorway before rolling his eyes and excusing himself. He decided that was a better alternative than getting the third degree from the Heart of Gold Conglomerate that consisted of Bruce, Steve, and Sid.

After Steve's huff of annoyance at Stark's attitude, Sid just patted him on the leg gently. Something that Bucky caught and found distinctly discomforting.

"You need me to take off the shirt doc?" Bucky finally asked when everyone was situated.

Bruce just shrugged at him as he pulled over the tray of tools, "Only if that's something that you're comfortable with."

Bucky nodded slowly, thoughtful and grateful for the choice. He reached to the back of his neck for his collar and paused for a second before committing to his decision. He pulled it off in one swift motion, displaying a dizzying array of scars all along his shoulder and lower left side as he folded the shirt in his lap. He didn't dare look up into any of their faces as he laid his clothing next to his leg, his entire body flexing with tension, unease, and most of all insecurity.

He already knew the way his body reflected in the eyes of those around him.

He would see the shadows of monsters in their gazes when they stared at him.

His self-hatred was interrupted with Bruce's remark, "Well it looks like we have another runner for the Adonis classification." He mentioned casually over his shoulder.

Bucky's eyes shot up to Bruce's face in confusion, but Sid was the one that replied to his unasked question, "It's the system I implemented rating all of the Avengers' bodies on a scale of zero to Adonis. Bruce likes to supply me with tidbits of information so I can compare specs."

Steve shot a humored frown at Sid, "You never told me about that…"

"You never asked." Sid huffed her response and then pointedly ignored Steve.

"Don't tell Natasha about it. She'll think its sexist!" Tony shouted from just outside the room.

Sid rolled her eyes at that. "Of course Natasha isn't in the running for Adonis!" She replied scathingly in a raised voice so Tony could hear, "You plebeians could never compare to a Goddess."

Steve snorted softly and Bruce did his best to bite his lips against his laughter. Bucky's lip twitched and Sid was sure that meant he found her comment amusing and it was not that he needed to sneeze. The fact that he did it, in front of not just Steve, but Bruce and a nosy Tony in the proximity, was a heap in the win column to her.

Bruce talked patiently and quietly with Bucky about the procedures he would perform. Bruce was sure to ask for permission without seeming pedantic and he managed to remain friendly and animated without being overwhelming. Sid was genuinely surprised and charmed by his bedside manner and his general decency. Bucky seemed to be handling it all quite well, but she could see the slight tension in his brow as Bruce moved around him slowly. Sid decided to keep talking with Bruce and Steve, engaging everyone in the room to preoccupy Bucky while Bruce conducted the rest of his exam.

* * *

 _ **Ha, I'm a lazy bum. Sorry its a few days late. Love me still pls.**_


	24. I've been locked inside this doubt

_24 : I've been locked inside this doubt, all the while you held the keys…_

* * *

A couple hours later, Sid was sitting between Steve and Bucky, stuffing face while trying to keep a conversation going between them. It was not as simple as it sounded since Bucky was morosely silent on a good day and Steve was too nervous about screwing something up to say a word.

It was obvious that during their time together, Sid had become their biggest cheerleader and now Dolly, their unofficial mascot. Everyone in the Tower was doing what they could to help Bucky adjust, despite the inconveniences it occasionally caused. For example, Sid not being able to devour her entire sandwich in one bite because she was preoccupied with trying to get two emotionally stunted idiots to talk to each other.

Bucky didn't seem too bothered by the lengths they were going to make him comfortable. Honestly, it didn't take much for him to adjust to a situation. He knew the exits, he had an escape plan for him, Sid, and Dolly. He had been collecting and adding intel about each resident in a manner that was formed from years of habit and structured training. Though he knew he didn't want to hurt most of these people, it was a compulsion that he could not yet reign in.

He also had a half formed escape plan that included Steve that he couldn't quite let go of. Whenever he caught himself thinking about it, he distinctly pretended that he wasn't and became busy with something — anything — else. He desperately wanted to keep a distance between them, because there was something deep and dark that broiled in his gut when he looked at Steve and it terrified him. Though if he looked at the subject frankly, he would have realized long ago that they were inextricably linked.

"…So that's how I met the professor." Sid finished around a bite, "Hell of a time if you want to be honest, but we were causing trouble and people started getting out of hand." She chuckled after she swallowed, "Callisto was getting to be a bit much, I mean, I was right there with her, charging in head first, but well…"

"Sounds familiar." Bucky chuckled softly in a stranger's tone and then froze as the words finally registered in his head. He noticed the infinitesimal moment of shock in Sid and Steve before she continued speaking, as if not to draw attention to the comment that came out of him without sanction.

"Yeah, we were punks." She chuckled softly, glancing at Steve who was gobsmacked. She searched around for his foot and kicked out gently, stubbing her toe against him like he were made of marble. With a muffled curse she dropped her head to the table and groaned. He seemed to shake himself out of his daze at the sound she made.

"So, that's when it all changed?" Steve continued awkwardly, eyes flashing to Bucky in poorly hidden desperation.

Sid sat up and shot him a twisted sort of grin that was laced with her displeasure towards his infallible body. She shrugged off her ire quickly, "Yeah, that's when we sort of decided to go straight, you know? We helped people and reached out to other mutants. I communicated with the shelter and would get goods traded and bartered."

"What kind of goods?" Steve asked with a little bit of hesitant curiosity.

"Well, we weren't making blue meth in the tunnels if that's what you're insinuating with that eyebrow…" She ignored their quizzical looks and stomped down her annoyance with a timid groan. "I've said it before, we had a lot of interesting people down in the tunnels. Some guy set up an internet connection, don't ask me how, there's no way I could tell you, but it opens up some opportunities for people to make some dough. The guy who drop kicked him," she pointed to Bucky, "is actually a really proficient jingle maker. He's got a little keyboard and everything, sells his tunes online and makes a decent profit."

"Seriously?" Bucky muttered in disbelief.

"You got drop kicked?" Steve asked with a timid grin, turning to Bucky with genuine surprise.

Bucky shrugged lamely, narrowing his eyes at Sid. She shrugged at him with a humorless smile and then faced Steve, "To be fair, his skin was getting eaten away by a rather painful organic acid."

Steve blanched at the idea, glancing down at his hands in slight horror as he imagined the sensation. He looked at Sid almost nervously, "What kind of other _interesting_ people were you hanging out with?"

Sid frowned in thought and then with a snap, her eyes brightened with glee, "Oh man! I wish you guys could have met Cy! She could melt things when she touched them."

"Jesus…" Bucky grumbled a little hopelessly as he spooned in another mouthful of food.

"She didn't melt _people_ … I think." Sid added thoughtfully and then shrugged, "Whatever, there were some great mutants around back in the day, I miss them." She finished softly and then straightened herself with a smile, "Anyway, trade for goods, communicate with the shelter as needed, supply refuge for mutants who needed to go underground, and sometimes the professor would reach out to us if he needed something."

"Interesting. How did you get saddled with that responsibility? Being the in-between?" Steve asked as he picked at his chips.

"Well, I was the only one not completely disenchanted with the topside. You guys know how I can get around unnoticed. It's easier for me to move unseen compared to a lot of Morlocks — either by choice or force, they are down there to stay _away_. Me? Well, I always found people to be an interesting thing and hell, wouldn't mind the chance to secretly people-watch." Sid replied with a soft grin. "I was also one of Callisto's more neutral members, she and I trusted each other implicitly. We were close, we became each other's balancing force. She got too angry and I'd swoop in to calm her down. I'd get lost in my mood swings and we'd curl together for days and find my center again. She knew I'd never sacrifice the tunnels for anything." Her tone finished off sadly as she stared down at her plate and flicked the crumbs that seemed particularly bad-natured. Tears were starting to form in her eyes and she shifted uncomfortably under Bucky's penetrating glare and Steve's puppy dog eyes.

She was about to clear her throat when a sound trilled above them and Jarvis spoke, "Captain Rogers and entourage, Mr. Stark is requesting your presence." There was a moment of silence and then the AI actually sighed, though he had no lungs to breathe from, "Mr. Stark is also requesting that I explicitly mention that he thought up that 'entourage' bit." He finished tiredly.

Sid chuckled back her tears and took a sip of her water to clear her throat of her grief. It didn't wash away, but she dropped her iron curtain of happiness back down and glanced at Bucky reassuringly, "Let's go discuss the results. Are you ready?"

He shrugged softly in response, "I guess."

Steve watched as Sid reached out her hand and rested it on Bucky's in a moment of solidarity. Steve wanted to add the reassurance of his weight to their pile, but he refrained, increasingly frustrated by the fact that he couldn't even touch Bucky without disastrous consequences. "I'll take care of the plates. You guys go on ahead."

Bucky glanced at him and nodded before standing abruptly and turning towards the elevators to head for R&D with Dolly at his heels. Sid scrambled behind him, her legs just not quite long enough to keep up with his jaguar-like strides.

When the elevator closed and they were on their way, Steve laid the plates on the table and sat back down with a frustrated huff. He flexed his fingers slowly, trying to force his focus and his calm to extend out into his limbs. The last few weeks had been both heaven and hell to him, a sliver of peace that was jagged in his gut.

Bucky was slowly improving, especially with Sid's return and her own recovery. They seemed united in this cyclical tug of war between anger and grief, breaking them down and building each other back up. One good thing to come of this disastrous reunion was that they were working through it together and it seemed to be beneficial for them both.

Bucky's nightmares seemed to have waned since Sid's return and Steve was eager to see the results of Dolly's presence. Bucky seemed very attached to the dog and Steve would put up with anything to get him better. Not that the dog was a bother as Steve was actually looking forward to finally having a pet around, now that he was no longer so violently affected by their hair and dander. He'd always wanted a pet and he realized Tony and Clint were poor surrogates.

He swept up the plates again and deposited them in the sink, rinsing them lightly to remove any left over lunch residue before placing them in the dishwasher. His thoughts wandered to Sid and Bucky again, reluctantly speculating about how close they actually were. In the last few weeks, she had been a flurry of a presence, everywhere and nowhere at once. She would fall asleep in Steve's room some nights. Sometimes, he'd find her curled up in front of the windows alone, fast asleep with the bustling city beneath her. Other nights, he could hear her whispering to Bucky in the early hours of the morning, behind a closed door he'd do anything to get behind. Steve felt like he was fighting against seventy years of his own absence in Bucky's life, not to mention mind control and torture. He was worried he'd never quite get through to Bucky like she had.

It was a mixed bitterness that registered in his chest. He was happy that Bucky had returned and seemed somewhat stable. His behavior showed a marked improvement compared to when Sid had disappeared. Back then, Bucky was downright repulsed by Steve's mere existence, but he at least seemed tolerant now. Steve was lucky to be present for a small smile or the tiny instances of tenderness Bucky demonstrated towards Sid. It may not seem like much, but it meant the world to Steve to see him smile…

Even if it was directed at someone else.

She was another thing that he was conflicted about. He adored Sid and her larger than life personality. Her humor was terribly witty, but she never had to resort to scathing remarks or rudimentary insults in order to make people laugh. She was genuinely sweet and curious, like a kitten sniffing around her new home and placing her claim on all her new people. Her charm wasn't that she was smooth or said all the right things, it was just that she always appeared so untempered; she was expressive and strong and she refused to be cowed by anyone.

It probably shouldn't endear her to him, but in the end, Steve could easily see a ghost of his former self falling madly in love with a person like her. Sid was famous for her duality, the scrappy street rat with a wry grin or the intimately adorable and dear friend to anyone she spoke to for more than five minutes. She was one of those people that could have someone talking about the most intimate details of their life with nary an effort. Somehow, that sneakily endearing trait wasn't suspicious, it was comforting.

He was impressed with her sincerity and Steve wished they all could have met under different circumstances. He wanted to be part of whatever it was Bucky and Sid had. On the other hand, he wanted Bucky to be a part of what he and Sid had too — silly bantering and long talks about life, this odd sense of _normalcy_ they shared. Steve wanted friendship, he wanted a family — it didn't much matter how it was made up any more. This was his last chance to get back what he used to have before the war… _She_ was his last chance.

But in the end, he felt like he was the third wheel, when all he really desired was to be between the both of them, present and active in this intimate connection they shared. He absolutely wanted back in Bucky's life and the longer he knew Sid, he wanted to be firmly rooted in her world as well.

Steve made his way to medical absently. He felt childish, stumbling around the two of them and hoping for a few scraps from their relationship. He knew he was allowed his desperation — it was truly all he had anymore — and he knew that Sid and Bucky had never excluded him on purpose. There was a just a damning realization in holding himself back from the first real urges to integrate himself into this world because he knew it would hurt more than help. It was all he ever wanted to do really: help.

This was the first time in a while where he felt that Captain America was not just unneeded, but completely unnecessary. The Captain was good when Steve needed to keep his calm. That persona, artfully compared to a shield, could drop down and keep him safe from people looking to weaken him. This time though, Steve couldn't drop that shield. Bucky didn't need Captain America, he needed Steve Rogers. He was involved, invested, he couldn't separate himself from this. Not this time.

With Bucky at his side, he knew he could do anything. With Sid at Bucky's side, he trusted that he would have someone there who cared enough about Bucky's welfare to help him along. Steve was just having a very difficult time trying to place where they all stood together, as a unit.

Like Tony had said, Steve, Bucky, and Sid were an entourage. In the last few weeks, aside from the sparse missions that _needed_ Captain America and all the work allotted to the Avengers, they had all spent most of their time together.

Sid had asked for help in rebuilding the tunnels, trying to make it safe again for people who needed it. Bucky and Steve ended up mapping out most of the paths and clearing debris. They all worked towards trying to establish safe routes, hiding spaces, and devices the residents could use to warn them against intruders. They also volunteered at the shelter together, trying to keep low profiles while stocking goods or doing tedious upkeep. Sid had been hoarding excess supplies to try and lure people back.

Bucky continued to stay in Stark Tower, receiving remedial type lessons with Sid each day about the things he missed over the years. Steve would even sit down with them if he had a chance to. Though he knew he was pretty up to date with the goings on of the world, he always found an excitement in the way Sid talked about how everything changes.

She was patient with Bucky and his questions. She did her best to remain impartial while still stressing the importance of her topics. She even asked Steve for input once or twice, because if anyone knew how Bucky thought, it would be Steve. Though they weren't trying to fix him into something they wanted, both Sid and Steve believed that at there was a core piece of his being still in there somewhere. So his inclusion hinged on the fact that Sid truly believed that Steve wanted what was best for Bucky. She never shied away from Steve or made him feel unwanted, she was loving and friendly. Little did Steve know she was worming her way into both of their hearts while simultaneously bringing them together.

Even when they had down time, time meant for themselves, they still sort of orbited around each other. Sid sat watching TV while Bucky read or did research in his room and Steve would doodle in front of the vast windows or go over debriefs. The short amount of time and the extenuating circumstances forged an odd bond between all three of them that was weirdly, yet somehow comfortably codependent.

When he got to R&D, he snuck into the conference room where Bruce was discussing his findings with Sid and Bucky.

"Sorry I'm late." Steve said quietly and sat himself next to Sid. As he got comfortable, she nodded to him politely and then focused back on Bruce, her arm extended towards Bucky, her fingers curled around the hand resting on his thigh. Steve tried not to be jealous of the little sentiment and faced his attention on Bruce as well.

"No problem, we were just getting started with the meat of the results. I wanted to go through any questions he may have had about the tests before I get down to the particulars." Bruce smiled and continued, pulling up scans and images in the projection field. He faced Bucky with a timid smile, "First and foremost, you are in very good physical health. Your body, though it had sustained much damage, seems to be in peak condition." He glanced towards Steve, "It's highly likely that Bucky was injected with a serum that was very close to being identical to yours. All your vitals were within only a few increments of each other. Though documented results of numerous serums through the years have varied greatly, you two, so far, have been the most viable and successful subjects."

Steve felt a lump form in his throat over that. He had willfully chosen to become a super soldier. It was his dream. His pure drive in life was to become strong enough to stand up for what was right. Both of the men sitting in front of him were two victims of humanity's desperation for his level of perfection. He felt at fault for furthering this distorted view of life because of his general existence.

In that moment, doubting and almost hating himself for what Bucky had been forced to undergo, he felt Sid's fingertips forcing themselves through his clenched fist so her fingers could lace with his. She squeezed his hand softly without looking at him and he didn't glance at her either. In his peripheral vision, she sat between them, absorbing Bruce's words, once again forming a bridge between Steve and his desired peace.

"Tony will be discussing the cybernetics aspect, but I really wanted to discuss the health and status of your brain." Bruce continued with Bucky and Steve refocused, "From what we have gathered and what information you've allowed Sid to share with us, you've suffered some pretty severe trauma." He pulled up a scan of Bucky's brain, expanding the three dimensional image to focus in on specifics.

"The cerebral cortex," Bruce pointed to the largest chunk of visible brain, "is essential to all of our higher functions as humans. It is responsible for things like motor control, perception, interpretation, and storage of memory. If you look here," he continued, tapping on a large chunk of brain that flashed and stayed green, "this is the frontal lobe and its main functions pertain to higher-thought, like our decision making skills. But this little bit, the prefrontal cortex, is essential in processing short-term memory and storing long-term memory that isn't task-based."

"Task based?" Steve questioned.

"Like, remembering to close the fridge or turning off the faucet." Sid supplied quickly, watching Bruce avidly and just absorbing all the information he offered.

"It's also called prospective memory and it's anything from simple tasks like Sid mentioned, to recalling how to perform CPR in a life or death situation." Bruce added as he pointed to the portion that was shinning green, "What we can see here is evidence of some substantial damage. We see scar tissue mirrored in the medial temporal lobe right here," Bruce highlighted a new section of the brain, "which is yet another area of the brain that is useful for, but not limited to processing long-term memory. More interestingly, it also assists in evaluating complex stimuli, like sensory information. Facial recognition, recognizing a place you've been before, all of those things get sorted out by the medial temporal lobe."

Bucky frowned, "So you're saying that it's permanently scarred?" He glanced down at his arm, a beacon of his brokenness. The weight of this new knowledge, of some sort of inner failure, seemed to cut him deeply, "I can't get anything back?" His questions were choked and strained. Sid tightened her grip on both Steve and Bucky's hands before Bruce spoke.

"Not necessarily." Bruce began a bit wearily, "You've recounted some of your initial issues after escaping Hydra. Comparing the type of behavior you first exhibited to your behavior now is quite a marked improvement." He sighed softly, "Your hippocampus was basically flooded with glucocorticoids —,"

" _Gluto-what-i-whats_?" Steve replied hastily and Sid stifled a snort that got everyone smiling.

"Glucocorticoids." Bruce nodded with a grin, "The hippocampus is essential to memory formation. Despite eons of evolution, it's one of the only parts of the brain that can essentially repair itself. In Bucky's case, his system was repeatedly overwhelmed, either by stress or medication, maybe both, for an extended amount of time. This triggers the production of glucocorticoids and they block his brain from kickstarting the formation of new neurons and more generally, healing."

"So now that he's not as stressed, it could get better?" Steve asked hopefully and then regretted it as he glanced at Bucky who was still and silent. "Not that you aren't good… the way…" Steve shook his head and shut his mouth, "Sorry." He muttered sheepishly and Bucky just shrugged sadly.

Bruce gave something between a shrug and a nod to Steve. He pointed to another little sliver, nestled near the hippocampus, "The amygdala — which is necessary for emotional responses and behavior — has the most damage I've seen yet. But it's possible, especially with your level of elevated healing, that given enough time it could heal completely."

"So what they did, what they always did…" Bucky trailed off softly, his voice shaking as he drummed his fingers along the edge of the table and Dolly let out a low whine.

"I imagine that you don't want me to sugar coat it?" Bruce asked with a sad smile, a discomforting anger registered in his gut and he had to focus his control as he stared at Bucky, a weapon that Bruce could have easily become. "What they did was the systematic break down of all of the integral parts of the brain needed for processing memory and emotional response. Judging from fibrosis and gliosis — thickening, scaring, or abnormal growth of tissue — it's very clear that you were subjected to something that resembled extensive electroshock therapy. Even with your healing ability, I can justify the assumption that it was done frequently and for sustained periods of time. I also believe that your long stints in cryostasis were to hamper your healing and keep your brain from regenerating."

Sid frowned when she heard something creak to her side. She looked over as Bucky's grip on the table sunk into the wood, splintering off a chunk with a thundering crack that caused her to yelp. The splintered remnant soon clattered to the ground and everyone but Bruce seemed surprised. Steve's hand gripped hers a little too tightly for only a fraction of a second, but the other hand that held Sid's didn't even flinch in her grasp.

"Bucky —," Sid started and then froze at her mistake. She'd been doing her best to not use a specific name in direct reference to him. She wanted him to choose his own, to find comfort or solace in his identity instead of enforcing it on him. However, the time spent with Steve and the rest of the Avengers had formed the bad habit for her.

Bucky stood abruptly, dropping her hand and storming out of the room with Dolly flailing to stand in his dust. Steve followed after him immediately and Sid jumped up but Bruce grabbed her hand.

"Just," he whispered, tugging her back softly, "let them _try_."

Sid nodded slowly and sat down, staring after their trails with guilt bubbling up from her gut. She did so much to help Bucky and Steve that she hadn't even realized she was completely in the way.

"Worst case scenario, the Avengers end up having a little bit of a tiff and Tony needs to remodel again." Bruce chuckled softly and Sid spared him a sad smile.

"I know it's not my business," Sid muttered softly as she traced the jagged edge of the wood left in Bucky's wake, "I just worry about them. Both of them." Her jaw clenched in something resembling anger, "Sometimes I just don't understand why people have to feel so sad. I mean, look at all of you! You're so _good_ and yet the universe constantly likes to take a dump on your lives. What's _with_ that, man!?"

Bruce nodded softly, giving her a sad smile in bitter amusement, "We do tend to get the short sticks in life." He sighed, glancing around slightly, "We all have reasons to be worried Sid, but I'm not so sure his healing process needs to be one of them."

Sid looked at him hopefully, with her sad tears still brimming in her eyes, "What do you mean?"

Bruce stood slowly and walked to the doorway, peeking out to see if anyone was around before shutting the door and asking Jarvis to secure the room. He sat back down next to Sid and sighed, "I think that with enough time, he will heal, but whether Bucky gets all of his memories back is a mystery, to be truly honest. The brain works in mysterious ways." He finished in a zealot's voice. They allowed themselves a small chuckle before Bruce continued, "But his healing could easily be accelerated."

Sid perked up, suddenly eager, "How?"

Bruce eyed her for a moment, hesitantly. "Well, it's possible that your healing ability sort of jump started his brain's recovery process after the incident in DC. Despite the dizzying amounts of damage he's endured, I did come across what seem to be signs of recent incremental healing." He took a deep breath, exhaling his nervousness at broaching the sore subject, "If you continued to try and heal him in short bursts over an extended period of time, it could help him heal faster."

Sid had refused to heal anyone since Callisto's death; not so much as a paper cut got a chance at accelerated healing. She frowned heavily in response to Bruce's supposition, a fiery guilt beginning to roar from the depths of her mind.

"Or I could give him a fucking brain tumor!" She almost shouted in response as she pounded her fist on the table. "You _saw_ what I did to Callisto!" She glared at Bruce, a caged sort of sneer on her lips for the man who should understand _why_ she couldn't do it anymore, "I tried to heal her, to bring her back from the brink and the only thing I accomplished was killing her _slower,_ making her suffer _more_." The tears brimming in her eyes almost seemed to evaporate with the rage of her next statement, "I can't just dick around with this shit anymore! What I did was a _torture_ not a treatment!"

Bruce returned her frown, "That's not true. You've said so yourself you've healed people and helped them. Hell, you healed Bucky, you healed yourself —,"

"No!" Sid stood abruptly, "I won't —, I can't!" She insisted as the sentiment choked her. She'd take Bucky broken, confused, and bloody before she'd put her hands on him like that again, "I can't risk _hurting_ him."

Bruce spoke calmly, "I'm not insisting you go full power." He stood slowly and came eye to eye with the trembling mess she was, "Honestly, you _did_ heal Callisto, but her body couldn't handle the trauma itself. She was too weakened by the attack. As much as you put things back together, you can't just top her off after that much blood loss. That wasn't your fault!" He replied heatedly and Sid was shocked back into engaging with him, instead of falling apart. "But Bucky… his strength and resilience from the serum could prove useful in your aid to heal him. He is in perfect health other than the scar tissue. If you could help him heal, you could get him and Steve what they both need."

Sid frowned heavily, like a child resistant to their parent's simple, logical pleading, "I just —,"

"Just think about it." Bruce said in his kind tone, raising his hands in surrender as he stood, "I'm not going to force you to use your powers, nor will I force Bucky to be subjected to treatment. No matter how good the intentions are, it's still his and your choice to take that step. I'm just providing you with the information to make an informed decision."

Bruce turned to walk away and Sid cleared her throat in a half-attempt to get his attention. He paused in the doorway, looking back at her with his honest eyes and she felt the guilt starting eat away at her insides. She spoke softly, not quite sure if she wanted the answer to her question, "Why didn't you tell me this when Steve and Bucky were here?"

Bruce shrugged, "It's your power, that makes it your decision to offer it. I wasn't going to put you in a position where you felt obligated to do it." He smiled softly at the next thought, "Steve would literally dig his fists into the earth and move continents to save Bucky and that sort of enthusiasm can be difficult to refuse."

Sid sighed as she adjusted her stance, trying to roll the tension out of her shoulders while her fingers tickled along the hem of her shirt in unease, "Thanks."

She didn't really feel very thankful at all as Bruce disappeared, leaving her standing in front of the three dimensional view of Bucky's abused brain. Tears welled in her eyes and she felt a sharp sickness in her gut as she grappled with her decision: risk yet another life-crushing loss of her friends or abandon them in the hope Bucky would eventually heal properly on his own.

She huffed out a harsh breath and then stormed out of Stark's R&D, having absolutely no idea which direction would most suit her bitter tirade.

—-

After Bucky stormed out of the room, a rage brewed his gut over all of the things he had absolutely no control over. Memories and flashes began flooding his brain and his stomach twisted. He pushed his way through the medical area and wandered down gleaming halls for a bit, lashing out at phantasms that were whispering in his ears about his ruination. Dolly was yipping at his heels, trying to get his attention, but he was fuming, unfocused.

He thought about what he had been through: images from waking up after his arm had been altered, the pain and the weight of it grafted to him so expertly, and the various tortures he remembered during his _training_. More and more he thought about how much he had really lost. His whole being felt pressurized, his anguish licking at his insides in turbulent gusts of terror and pain. He was furious. He was murderous. These men had taken _everything_ from him and shoved something vacuous in its place. Knowing what they had done, knowing how hard they had to fight against his own body's effort to heal, his fists shook and his footfalls became unsteady. He wandered down the illuminated halls, the harsh lights blinding him as he turned around and around, following voices and accents, waving the specters away with fingertips and fists before trying to grip at his ears to block them out.

A sudden screeching filled his mind and he tugged at his hair in rage. He lashed out at the wall, pounding his fist into the screaming metal as a roar ripped itself from his lungs and echoed down the hallways with his stolen anguish.

The sudden, glaring silence from the voices left Dolly's furious barking to fill the void. Her yipping was enough to ground him in the moment as air rushed into his lungs. Adrenaline weaved its way out of his blood stream and took with it his strength to stand. He leaned against the wall at the sudden loss of energy, shaking and unsteady as he fell to his backside and turned to sit properly. Dolly crawled into his lap and whined at him, licking at his shaking fingers.

He lifted a slow hand and began to stroke her gently, curling his fingers in her soft fur and rolls of skin. He took deep breaths like Sid had always told him to do, doing his best to match Dolly's even inhales and exhales as she sprawled in his lap. Once his heart stopped trying to beat its way past his sternum, he closed his eyes gently and inhaled again. A sharp scent caught in his nose and it stirred something familiar in him: the crispness of soap tinged with something savory that pulled a specific heat all the way through to his fingertips. His breath shuddered when he looked up.

"Are you all right?" Steve said from a few feet away, leaning on the wall and trying to seem casual.

Bucky leveled a glare at him for such an absurd question, but it was tinged with a bemused bitterness that Steve was able to sneak up on him.

"All right, dumb question." Steve chuckled and it surprised him to see a small smirk on Bucky's lips. "I have an idea that you might appreciate. It might help…" Bucky looked up at him, a slow eyebrow raising over a disbelieving stare. Steve nodded slowly, nervously, "Follow me if you feel like it."

Steve turned abruptly and began to walk away at his normal pace. A few moments later, he could hear the slight footfalls of Bucky being trailed by the padded paws of Dolly. He walked them through a few corridors and back to the elevators with hope high in his throat, almost choking off his air. They got in and leaned against opposite walls in strained silence.

Steve knew he should stay quiet, but for the first time, he felt as if Bucky and him were on a similar page, "I am sorry for what happened to you. Not just because you were my best friend, but because no one deserves to go through what you did."

He exhaled softly when it seemed like Bucky wasn't going to lunge at him for speaking. "I want to help you and to be honest there is nothing in the world I would like more than for my best friend to be okay, but the real reason is because what happened to you was wrong. You were robbed. You had your life and your sense of self, your agency, all completely ripped from you. It's the absolute last thing I would ever want for anyone."

Steve sighed heavily, his heart truly breaking as he seemed to speak to the air around him, "I don't know what will come back, but you were a good man who was turned into a weapon. Whether or not you regain even a sliver of a memory of our lives together, I would still be honored to be someone you could trust, someone who could help you piece some things together."

He scoffed lightly into a stretching silence, "I unfortunately have some experience in coming back from the dead and having nothing make sense."

After a few beats of silence, Steve glanced up at Bucky who was staring at him in a desperately reserved consternation.

Steve swallowed back his despair and continued with a light tone, "At the very least, I can be a sparring partner."

Bucky looked taken back at that, almost amused, "You'd trust me enough to spar with you?"

Steve tried not to smile as he nodded his head, only feeling slightly foolish, "Well, so far I'd say we're pretty evenly matched." That earned him an impolite scoff and a wry grin from Bucky and he couldn't help the challenging smile on his lips, "Worst case scenario, you beat me and Sid would be really disappointed in you for like a week."

Bucky actually let out a bark of laughter at that and Steve felt his heart leap into his throat as the elevator doors opened.

After a moment, Bucky finally spoke again, his voice considerably less tense as he looked around, "Where are we?"

Steve stepped forward, "Lesson one, I guess. This is where I'll demonstrate how men of the Greatest Generation learned to express their feelings…" He reached out a hand to showcase the room itself in a theatrical manner, "With their fists."

"A boxing ring?" Bucky chuckled, glancing around the gym equipment in the corner Steve pointed to.

Steve tried not to flush at the sound of his chuckle, it was a noise that was idyllic to him, reminiscent of a time when he was more than truly happy. He nodded when Bucky looked back at him, smiling lightly with his affirmation, "A boxing ring."

Someone seemed to be watching out for Steve that day, because Bucky gave him a small grin before walking past him towards the ring, "Ready when you are, Captain."

Steve could have leapt out of his skin, he was so absolutely elated over Bucky's response. He did his best not to skip after him to the ropes.

* * *

 _ **HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW TRAILER?! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BABIES!?**_


	25. I'd rather keep my pain as company

_25 : I'd rather keep my pain as company than be alone between you_

* * *

Sid wandered through the random hallways of Stark Tower for quite some time after Bucky's results. She asked Jarvis to provide her with a route that was empty so she could shield her wounded pride and sulk in peace.

Ever since she ran into that scuffle in the tunnels her life had been flipped upside down. Not only did she lose her best friend, but she found out she was possibly some humanoid alien or something with weird space blood and became emotionally compromised because of two complete strangers.

It was too much for her to really process, so she didn't.

It was a common theme in her life: pushing thoughts and ideas out of her head until they were essentially blocked out. She did it constantly — always really — like trying to hold a beachball full of temperamental Jack Russell terriers beneath the tumbling waves of a frigid ocean. In the moments where it would pop up and smack her in the face, she usually retreated to Callisto and found peace, or at least good drinks and advice.

Now she had nothing. Well, she had something, but she wasn't quite sure how to classify it. She had two politically, socially, and sentimentally wrecked super soldiers suffering from heartbreak and brain washing interchangeably — and that was only a single aspect of their tumultuous life and relationship. Whatever they had, it was severe.

She could see the way that Steve gazed after Bucky like he was a vision from beyond, the Alpha and the Omega, an unadulterated beacon of hope. Steve was painfully patient with Bucky, cautiously reaching out and accepting rejection with nothing but an assumed devastation. Despite the boundless pain in his eyes, he held it in. He tried not to be angry and exhausted and she could see it in the gaze he turned towards others, towards her. It was never _that_ surprising for Sid to wake up to find that Steve curled around her in the middle of the night, usually with whimpers on his lips and tears streaming down his cheeks.

Alternatively, where Steve was so covertly emotive, Bucky was absolute ice until he reached his boiling point, usually violently — though she had to admit that in the past few days he had improved immensely. With Dolly at his side, he could only get better. But as his body began to heal and he found more comfort in his skin, there was a certain edge in his speech, a haunted anguish that began to strengthen every time he seemed to look at Steve. It wasn't like the pain he used to talk about: that screeching slash of his conditioning that refused to grant him a moment's solace. This pain was becoming quiet and deadly, creeping into the lines on his face and the clench of his jaw.

Sid just sat back and tried to tether them both. They couldn't ground each other, not yet, not with the gaping wounds that had never had a moment to heal before being ripped wide open. So she did her best to grasp onto both of them with everything she had, digging her feet into the ice, blood, and mud to keep them all from drowning. Unfortunately, throwing herself between them, beneath them, trying to push them up on her shoulders, it was tearing her apart in the worst sort of way.

She went through the motions of walking, breathing, blinking — not with much luck, though. Her toes dragged along the sleek floor and her shoulders were slumped, tensed and curled as if to protect herself. The barrage of emotions didn't really take notice of her paltry coping mechanisms and she just felt herself falling deeper and deeper into loneliness.

After Steve and Bucky found each other again, when Bucky got comfortable and his memories would begin to return, Sid knew that she would be phased out. Maybe they would be kind enough to do it slowly, but eventually they wouldn't need her. No one would. She'd finally reached a level of full invisibility with the loss of Callisto — the death of the last person who really knew her. Callisto was the first period in Sid's life where she truly felt like herself and now, she was left alone with nothing to anchor her.

The Alley was almost empty now despite her efforts to rebuild. It wasn't safe and everyone knew it. Without direction, people slowly ambled away from their once great home and Sid couldn't do anything about it. Fate ripped the wind from Sid's lungs the moment Callisto breathed her last breath, only a whisper for the end of everything Sid held dear. She wasn't strong enough to take charge. She was no leader.

She was brought out of her petty little cry fest by the clearing of a throat. She turned around slowly, expecting to see Natasha or Clint looking at her with some obscene level of disappointment, but the hallway was empty.

"Ahem." Jarvis said again and Sid looked up at nothing, shocked and almost angry.

"You don't have a throat to clear!" She hissed at him and it pulled out a tiny chuckle from the AI.

"I would have used an honorific, but I was not sure which pronouns you prefer." He added kindly.

"You can just call me Sid. I usually take whatever someone throws at me unless they do it with an attitude. Although I did like it when Steve called me _ma'am_ , it made me feel empowered and somehow sinister." She shivered jokingly and then with narrowed eyes she stared at the ceiling and whispered, "You can tell me, are you sentient?"

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you mean, ma'am." Jarvis replied and she could practically hear the smug curl of his digital lips.

A rueful smile stretched her mouth before a chuckle escaped, "You know it's naughty to lie." She held her hands behind her back while rocking on her heels with an air of innocence, "If you ever have a burgeoning need to wipe out the human race, remember that we are friends and that I have a list a mile long of people who deserve a good wiping."

There was a distinct silence and Sid was worried she may have offended the poor machine —life-form — whatever — for insulting his _goodness_. She opened her mouth to apologize but Jarvis spoke first.

"I will keep that in mind if you promise your servitude to me." He added in a conspiratorial voice.

Sid just smiled wide, "What other charming, sentient artificial intelligence would I dedicate my life and service to?"

He seemed to hum in appreciation of her accolades, "Then it seems we have come to an accord." Jarvis said in jest.

"Good to know." Sid smiled and then raised a single fist and boinked it against the wall gently. She halted after that, staring wide eyed at the knuckles she used to tap the wall hovering an inch away from it. She looked up, confused, and begged quietly "Please don't tell anyone I tried to fist bump you through a wall."

"Don't tell anyone I tried to return it." Jarvis added as a soft whir sounded to her side and the paneling in front of her hand popped out to make contact with her fist for only a second before it disappeared back into the wall. She huffed out a small laugh in wonder as Jarvis spoke, "I meant to mention before we began discussing world domination that there is an indoor pool on your left hand side."

Side glanced at the door, breathless. In a split second, a smile stretched on her lips and she sprinted for the door. When she crashed through the doorway, her elation echoed in every fiber of her being, she looked up at the glass pressed sky and shouted to Jarvis, "You've been leading me here, haven't you?"

"Perhaps." Jarvis muttered softly, "Enjoy your swim, ma'am."

Sid grinned wide and began to rip her clothes from her person as hastily as possible, "Thanks Jarvis!"

She staggered towards the pool with her jeans around her knees as she yanked off her jacket and hat. As she wobbled forward, she toed off her clunky boots and then stepped on her pants to get them off of her as she stumbled forwards. When she was finally down to underwear and a thin tank top, she made a running leap for the pool, flailing her limbs with a warrior's yell on her lips.

When she landed in the water, it enveloped her like a friend's soothing embrace and it was like her entire body lit up in the muted peace. Everything seemed so clear as she opened her eyes and gazed around beneath the surface of the pristine olympic sized pool. The lap lines that laid in the pool's floor were made of some crazy looking stone that was dark and opalesque, patterned in a crisp mosaic that bracketed her in.

Her limbs reached from line to line, slowly finding their place inside the water's warm caress. Fingers wiggled, toes stretched, and she felt _alive_ as the water encompassed her and cradled her closely, delicately, like an attentive lover.

She began to swim, pushing herself beneath the still water with furious currents that shot her across the expanse of the pool with an effortless speed. As she broke the surface for a lungful of air, she couldn't help the smile on her lips and the laughter in her throat. It was like rejoining with a long lost part of herself. Her love for the water was not exactly appeased in refuges for the homeless. The most she got to play with water was either trying to make it clean enough to drink or in a sink full of dishes.

Leaning back, she floated onto her back, gently waving her arms in slow, practiced motions as she stared through the glass encased ceiling and up at the sky. Despite it being littered with patches of dark clouds that obscured the moonlight with very faint stars prickling through the light pollution of the city, the sky was still beautiful. It was a healing moment, to be held and to feel whole again.

For so long she had been so lost inside of herself, never quite feeling like she belonged. When she had Callisto, she had a home, she had love, but the years progressed and she did not. She lost her first real love, and her desperate need for attachment had her grasping at anyone even remotely within arms reach. It was an unfair life she led and instead of continuing to gripe about the past, she sunk herself, allowing the water to wrap around her waist and tug her down to the depths, where she held her breath expertly.

Her bare feet planted firmly on the floor of the pool and she looked up through her hair to the surface ten feet above her. It was nothing but a blur of uncertainty and strange. She took a few steps with oxygen burning in her chest and moved slowly, letting the water guide her movements as she extended her arms, gliding through the liquid with ease and watching the currents trail behind her fingers in elaborate curves.

Water seemed to have its own beautiful sense of autonomy, even under her control. Wind was grace and beauty, a power so subdued and sweet that it was able to tickle at your eyelashes or rip a tree from its roots. Fire was pure passion and force; controllable, but fierce and easily let out of hand. The earth was a foundation, a stubborn strength that seemed to resonate through her and give her a sense of resilience. With water, it pulled to her, wrapping around her and hiding itself in the tiny cracks of her resolve. It was healing and holy, the streams following behind her fingers with their own design, whipping at her hair and ghosting between her legs with a sense of mischief.

She turned her upper half slowly, stretching as far as her back muscles would let her, before whipping around, pulling torrents of water with her and forcing them into a swirling funnel that picked her up off her feet. It shot her upwards towards the surface and she broke through with a deep gasp as her lungs filled with cool air. The water was barely unsettled around her, deigning only to be bothered by her immediate commands. She felt a sense of peace wash over her, watching as the surface remained barely disturbed, just curling around her and including her in that slight sway.

A smile was stuck on her face and she leaned back again, allowing herself to float with her feet extended and eyes closed. Her arms stretched out as well and she let her fingers dance in the water. It slid between her fingers and coiled around her wrist, tickling up her arms in the sweetest sort of touches.

The clarity she felt in the water brought back her initial fear. Bucky would surely survive with Steve by his side and she couldn't help but feel a distinct horror at walking away from her current situation. She'd never been very good with settling, but of course, she'd never found someone who could relate to her ultimate fear of living for a very, very long time. Well, there was one other person she knew of, but he was kind of a dick.

The years she spent, stunted at this age of perpetual youth, were wearing on her. For once, maybe she wouldn't have to pretend to be a vapid twenty something trying to appease egos so that they'd take her well-learned advice and do something right for a change. It was exhausting trying to make her suggestions seem like someone else's idea! No one ever wanted to hear the opinion of someone who looked barely old enough to be out of school — let alone a homeless person with dark skin. It would be nice to have people acknowledge her for who she actually was, powers and all. Perhaps, there was something to be said about finding a niche — no matter how odd this particular one seemed.

But as she floated there, glancing around the almost cathedral like creation ensconcing the indoor pool, she realized that everyone was essentially matched and paired. Natasha and Clint seemed to be two peas in a pod, absolutely and utterly devoted to one another with a bond no one could break. Tony had Pepper and Bruce — and there were whispers of Bruce and a lady friend that existed somewhere out in Science Land. Discussions were had of Thor and his lady Jane, not to mention the whole planet out in space full of other Asgardian warriors who would and have done anything for him.

As for Steve and Bucky, well, they had a sort of love story that surpassed generations upon generations. It had survived death and brainwashing and such fantastical heights of evil that Sid could barely believe if not for the giant metal evidence attached to Bucky and the newsreels of Captain America she grew up seeing.

Even as they were, broken and afraid, they seemed to gravitate towards each other. Sid, as an observer could see that they moved in an odd sort of familiarity when Steve made coffee in the morning and Bucky navigated around him to get some food. They looked awkward, stealing glances at one another, curiosity and blinding love dancing in this endless tangle of emotions and anguish. But there was a connection there, one that seemed to surpass their fears, one that was so engrained between them that it leaked out between their insecurity and rage.

Whether Sid sat watching a movie holding Bucky's hand during seemingly innocuous parts that somehow bothered him or she and Steve massaged each other's feet while listening to music and chatting about stupid things over the past fifty years, she always seemed to root herself in them. This was a problem.

Her attachment to Steve and Bucky was only growing deeper as she got to know them better. It was a terrifying feeling, finding solace in those two, when in the end, she knew she would need to walk away from them. Despite the truth rattling around in her brain, all she really wanted was to reach out, plant her feet, and hold on for dear life. It was not often that she could look into the eyes of two wholly different people and see a very similar pain to the one she saw in her mirror. This is what caused her stubborn notion to stay instead of running, like usual: the desire for companionship and those men's annoying ways of worming themselves into her heart.

Bucky was stubborn and steadfast, intelligent and thoughtful. His grace was unencumbered and his movements and thoughts were swift and clear on his good days. He sat back and took in everything, reaching out only in desperation, when fear became too much for him. On his bad days, he would be sullen, but rather needy, reaching out to Sid for that spark of comfort she somehow supplied. Unfortunately for all of them, his fear was mostly in reaction to Steve and his solace was Sid. He was afraid of whatever was coming — healing, brokenness, because either direction could send him reeling. But the way he looked at her in those moments of brokenness, Sid couldn't help but pull him closer and lose herself in the way he held onto her so desperately. She just wanted him to be okay.

As for Steve, he was wildly complex. Sid watched the way he spoke to people, adapting himself in a way that would make the conversation go as easily as possible. He was charming, just in a very nonconventional way. He couldn't flirt his way out of a pot hole, but he instantly endeared himself to the people around him — even Tony begrudgingly adored the Captain. The fact that the way Steve's eyes crinkled when he smiled would cause it to start raining undergarments had nothing to do with his ease of spirit, a knowing sort of air that made people instantly want to trust him. She had an idea that he was smarter than he let on, more fierce than he ever really needed to be, and packed to the brim with unexpressed emotions. He seemed to truly bear the weight of the world on his shoulders, but very rarely did she see it bring him to his knees. He was steadfast and earnest and it was a conscious decision on his part to be that way. Not many people recognized that Captain America was still, at heart, a human being full of needs and emotions. The only time she had seen him be even remotely selfish in the small amount of time she knew him, was in reference to Bucky.

She respected them both and admired their ferocity to fight against injustice — either afflicting the entire world or just themselves. They held onto their honor with shaking fingers, but stared back at the errors of this world with defiance. They were not men who would stand down in the face of the world falling to pieces, even if it did everything in its power to tear them down with it.

A sniffle escaped Sid and she dove under the surface, to let her tears mingle with the water of the pool. There was a very distinct feeling in her gut, not respect, not affection, but something sharper, something she found utterly poisonous as it coated her insides. This was not something that she needed right now.

And with even more bruising shame, she realized that more importantly, it wasn't something that _they_ needed.

Breaking the surface again she gasped in a breath and it sounded half like a sob. She wiped hands down her face and went to sink again when her eyes opened and then shock took over.

"CANNON BALL!" Steve bellowed as he came running, peeling off a sweat soaked shirt as he flailed into the water, burning an image in Sid's brain that simultaneously ripped laughter out of her chest and caused a stirring in her gut.

She held up her hands against his splash and it diverted around her as she swam in place, waiting for Steve to resurface. She glanced back at Bucky while the water jostled her due to Steve's outrageous display of childlike cannonball prowess and he was watching them with a curious smile hitching the corner of his mouth. Bucky dragged a slow hand through his hair as he eyed Sid contemplatively.

"Come in or I'm pulling you in!" Sid grinned as Steve popped up beside her.

Steve flicked his head to the side, shaking water from his hair and his eyes, his fingers taking a moment to slick back the wet hair on his crown. He focused on Sid and then glanced at Bucky with a grin, "Come on! It feels great and we just spent the last three hours sparring."

Sid looked back at Steve who was edging closer to her, "You did?" She asked with a smile.

Steve waved at Bucky who was sullen, mottled with sweat peeking through an extra pair of Steve's gym clothes. Steve looked back at Sid with a pure smile on his face and nodded, "Yeah, we compared tactics."

Sid couldn't help herself as she lunged at Steve with a squeal, wrapping her arms and legs around him and squeezing him tightly. She was absolutely elated for him and it thankfully silenced the sad little whimper in the back of her mind that she was slowly starting to disappear.

"Princess you better be careful, there's sharks in the water…" Bucky chuckled darkly.

Sid pulled back from Steve, her arms around his shoulders and her body pressed up against him in the heated water of the pool. It only took her a second to realize the blush on his cheek was not in fact from his heavy workout or the warm water. They were both crushed against each other, practically naked: Steve in just his gym shorts and Sid wearing only her underwear and a usually comfortably thin tank top that was now clinging to the small peaks of her breasts.

She chuckled softly, playing down her horrendous discomfort with the use of one of her most woeful abilities: seduction. With a wry little smile for the panic stricken look in Steve's eyes, she purred, "You oughta at least buy me a drink before getting me all wet soldier."

Steve blanched and then froze for a moment, as if his brain went into a full reboot. Then a slow smile spread on his lips as his hands traveled up her waist and suddenly, Sid was no longer able to hide her own panic with her vague and poorly executed sensuality.

Her eyes widened as his fingers skimmed her waist and ribs, his voice purring right back to her, something sinful yet somehow apologetic, "Well, let's do something about that drink then." His darkened eyes seemed to spark then and his slick smile hitched into something far more malevolent.

"Oh shi—!" Sid started scrambling as Steve's fingers reached her shoulders and he moved with lightning speed to dunk her beneath the surface.

She allowed the water to pull her down by her ankles and out of Steve's grasp, yanking her almost halfway across the pool. She sputtered to the surface, her hair a mess on top of her head and hindering her sight. She grasped the side of the pool to hack up some water from her lungs and pushed the ominous weight of her wet, thick hair out of her face. She took a moment before she glared over her shoulder to see Steve smugly grinning.

"I can control water you neanderthal!" She growled back at him and with a flick of her wrist and a widening of Steve's eyes, he was immediately sucked under, but released just as quickly. He surged up from the depths, coughing slightly as he wiped at his frowning face.

Bucky was still poolside, chuckling at their interaction and Sid turned on him with a glare beneath her mopped fringe. She flung a hand at Bucky and he went rigid as a thick vine of water shot towards him and grasped his wrist. With his metal hand, he slashed the line that tried to pull him in and it broke, falling to the ground in a splash of untethered water droplets uncontrolled by Sid's connection.

She frowned heavily and made her way towards the small outcropping that was meant for seating. As she scrambled to her feet wiping the rest of her hair out of the way, she yanked at the sopping mess and tied it all back up on the top of her head with a smirk.

Steve was still closer to Bucky's side of the pool, and so she shot them a patronizing smile as she raised her hands up like a puppeteer. Invisible strings seemed to extend from her fingers, into the water that was about shin deep as she stood on her perch. Tilting her head slowly, she raised her arms and the water pulled with it, slowly forming a shaking wall of substance between her and them.

A slow grin spread on Steve's face and he glanced back at Bucky who was flexing his hands into fists. His entire form rolled, muscle coordinating and communicating, dancing beneath his gleaming skin, like a panther readying his strike. Steve was concerned for a moment before he saw the slick smile on Bucky's lips. He glanced back at Sid who was mirroring the sinister grin on Bucky's face and Steve had a wonderful, terrible, hopeful idea.

Steve whistled to Bucky in a way that reminded him of their time in Europe, catching his attention with a jolt to Bucky's senses. Steve tried to smile reassuringly, adding in a vague tone, "Capture the flag?" Bucky stared at him blankly for hardly a second.

Bucky nodded and pulled off his shirt, noticing the way that Sid's wall of water faltered as he dropped it to the floor. "Best three out of five?" He added with a sarcastic grin.

Steve nodded and they both turned to Sid expectantly.

"Sure." She nodded, feeling much less confident now that she was standing in front them, sopping wet and almost naked. She was thankful and bitter when Bucky did her one better and dropped the gym shorts from his hips, leaving him in nothing but skin tight compression shorts and a glorious smirk on his lips. She frowned heavily, "What's the flag?"

The boys glanced at each other with a dark sort of smile before both focusing in on Sid with a predatory gaze.

" _You_." They said in unison and then charged.

Sid just screamed and threw the wall of water at both of them as she did her best, as a flag, to escape the terrible wrath of competitive super soldiers.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Sorry for the late update. Pressing news is that there will be a change in pace for me as I go through some medical nonsense. I will probably switch to one chapter every two or so weeks until I'm back on my feet so to speak, and that time is so far undetermined. I'm not dying or anything but its just persistent and I need to focus on recovery for a little bit as its taking a huge toll on my mental health. Love you all very much! Thanks to Lmere who is helping me so much I'm now behind on getting her things to make better! Either way, my updates just might be a bit wonky for a little while. I'm on the cusp of finishing up the story so I'm excited to finally get there. I've gotten so much shit getting in the way of finishing this story but that just mean its meant to be out there. Even if its just for me! Thanks for all the fish!**_


	26. I can hold a mirror to you

26 : I can hold a mirror to you and still see myself in the reflection…

* * *

There was a light thudding that stirred Sid from her deep slumber. Settling back into sleep, drool seeped from the corner of her mouth connected by a tendril of saliva to the arm that was mashed between her face and the couch's arm. She groaned slightly at the further thudding getting louder, murmuring something that was meant to be a curse but sounded more like gibberish.

There was a light gasp, one colored with the flare of betrayal and the headiness of judgment, Sid just pulled the covers up over her head and tried to sink back into dreamland.

"Why is there a beautiful brown person in my spot?" An unknown man's voice finally spat, bitterness high in the tone.

Sid shot up at that, not nearly awake enough for human interaction, but she mostly just rubbed the saliva back into her skin and blinked her eyes a few times against the blinding light of all the goddamned windows. She was staring at the dead television as her eyes finally focused through the crust of sleep. She swiveled slowly, leaning over the back of the couch and looking up to the foyer to see a tall, muscular gentleman glaring down at her in something like shock and horror.

"Not that I entirely mind, but what the hell man? I'm go on one little errand and you replace me?" He was pointing right at her but glaring towards the kitchen where Steve was mid-bite into his sixth piece of toast and Bucky was dunking a tea bag into a small ceramic mug. Sid smiled lightly at them, waving a tired hand and trying to blink the morning glare out of her eyes.

"What time is it?" Sid grumbled, digging the heels of her palms into her eyes.

"Excuse me," the new man muttered, "I asked him a question." He rounded on the gentlemen in the kitchen and didn't do much to address Bucky as much as Steve, "Has my spot as the beautiful brown person been usurped, or is this just y'all diversifying?"

Steve chewed through his toast with a soft smile, rounding the counter in his swift grace and placing his plate on the edge in order to take the man into his arms for a ferocious hug. Sid noticed with tempered glee that Steve's actions put a slight frown on Bucky's face.

Steve squeezed the man in his arms, muttering "Hey Sam, how'd everything go?"

Sam hugged him right back with a delightful groan, "Everything went all right man, but I'm more interested in what you've got going on up here." He pulled back and looked at Sid with a truly kind smile and then he flashed a glance at Bucky with a slight nod, "It seems like a lot has happened since I've been gone."

"Sam Wilson, this is Sid." Steve introduced and Sam trotted over to shake Sid's hand above the back of the couch.

"Brown person number one." Sam grinned in reference to himself and Sid chuckled and nodded in appreciation.

"Brown person 2.0." She shot him a wink and he let out a hearty laughter that almost shocked her. She'd been around two brooding super soldiers, spies, and grouchy mutants for too long.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Sid." Sam smiled wide as Sid made her way to stand from the couch, wrapped up in the comforter from Steve's room.

As she got to her feet, a handful of dry cheerios spilled out onto the floor. She frowned heavily, pushing her fingers into her ratty hair and grumbling to herself for a few seconds. She looked up at Steve with a squint, "Why are there cheerios in your comforter?"

Steve and Bucky both did that half breath, half chuckle thing and it shot a bit of morning cheer through Sid's veins. Steve stepped forward while Bucky hung back with a slight smile itching his lip, "Bucky was trying to wake you up by making noise."

"I dropped a cast iron skillet onto the floor and it did nothing." Bucky chimed in with a teasing tone.

"Not long after, it escalated to more drastic measures to try and wake you up." Steve finished and both the men grinned. "You survived a barrage of about fifty cheerios before Sam showed up." Sam sucked on his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing.

Sid glowered at the grinning Steve and Bucky, now sorely unsure if she really wanted to be around the two of them if Bucky ever got his full memories back. They'd be insufferable. "I'm a heavy sleeper. I've learned to be." She spat at them and then shook out the comforter and a few more cheerios clacked onto the floor amidst blatant attempts to stifle laughter.

She sent a tiny hiss at Steve and Bucky and then turned to Sam as she started walking, "Pleasure to meet you too, I've heard a lot about you." She circled around the couch and made her way into the kitchen to poke at Bucky for some coffee. Steve and Sam followed behind her until they were all comfortably situated in the kitchen.

"I hope it's all been good things." He flirted and Sid glanced over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at him. He flashed Steve a stupid grin and Steve couldn't help but smile. He missed Sam's antics and he was sure that Sid would love him.

"Sam Wilson, this is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes." Steve halted the other words that itched his tongue, _my best friend, the greatest man I've ever known…_

"It's an honor to meet you Sarge." Sam grinned and nodded, leaning himself on the counter next to Steve's perch, waiting politely for Bucky's response in a calm silence.

"I broke your suit." Bucky muttered, eyeing him suspiciously.

"That you did." Sam nodded with half a grin, "Tony fixed it up for me, better than before — so I can't complain too much."

"I threw you off the helicarrier." Bucky insisted coldly.

Sam chuckled, "Yeah, but you know what's more terrifying than being thrown off a helicarrier _with_ a chute?" Sam paused, glancing at Steve and Sid who would be glaring at everyone until she got her coffee, "Jumping out of a goddamn crumbling forty story building with nothing to my name and trying to land in a helicopter driven by a dead man that no one could trust to be there."

Bucky rose a simple eyebrow and Sam nodded softly, "And I ain't alarmed at your presence because Steve over here trusts you, both of you." He pointed between Bucky and Sid before continuing casually, "That makes you pretty golden in my book."

Steve chuckled softly and flashed a glance at Bucky whose face had gone from stern and forced to at least slightly more relaxed. Sam must have made a good impression.

"Oh my god!" Sam almost squealed when his eyes trailed over the edge of the counter. He immediately kneeled to the floor and shuffled a few feet over to be nearer to Dolly who was laying at Bucky's feet. He stopped a good pace away and actually simpered, "She's so cute! Can I pet her?!" The joy in his eyes was so radiant that Sid grimaced at him for being so cheery in the morning and Bucky was too shocked at his display to even bother saying no.

Dolly trampled over to Sam and shoved her barrel chest into his. They tumbled back onto Sam's backside together and he rubbed her belly with an enamored vigor, cooing to her and talking about all the adventures they'd soon go on now that he was back in the tower.

Steve watched as Bucky essentially shrugged off the odd meeting with aplomb and reached to grab a cup of coffee for Sid. He mixed it up as she liked it and handed it over, already pulling a small smile from her lips as she held the mug in her hands and deeply inhaled its almost seductive aroma.

Steve glanced around at everyone and for a sliver of a moment his heart surged in his chest. Bucky leaned against the counter, whispering softly into Sid's ear and making her chuckle. Sam was rolling on the floor with the dog and Steve wasn't sure who was making what noises. They all hung around, circled in his apartment in Stark Tower and for the first time he felt like he was home. He tried to keep his tears from welling up, from breaking the spell of the moment, cause he could really get used to being in this sort of situation more often.

"So, anyone want to give me the full run down?" Sam joked from the floor, "I've been slightly out of the loop."

Sid chuckled, leaning away from Bucky for a moment as she addressed Sam, "The abridged version is much easier." She winked and then placed a delicate hand on her chest in introduction, "I'm homeless and a mutant — or something, we're still waiting on Thor to figure that one out." She waved the statement away for another day, "I found him —," she thumbed to Bucky as she took a small sip, "getting the crud kicked out of him and helped him out. We became friends. Then this genius over here —," she gestured an elbow towards Steve, "he decided to stalk us. Then I kind of tried to kill Captain America. Then we became friends." She sipped again nonchalantly as Sam gaped. A frown painted her features for a second as she swallowed, "Then there was some crazy secret government gun fight that I missed, some science, moving day, alcohol poisoning, a lot of mandatory friendship time…" She flashed her glance back to Sam with a shrug, "Nothing too crazy."

Sam sputtered out a laugh, "Nothing too crazy?" He looked at Steve and Bucky and shook his head, "I'm quickly coming to understand that you two are nothing but trouble." He flashed a glance to Sid who was grinning at them a little too wickedly, so Sam added, "And now they roped in a beautiful brown person to take my place. I was only gone for a month, Steve. You could have at least texted."

Steve chuckled and shook his head, "I don't think anyone from Stark Tower is against adding some new faces around here. We get tired of each other enough as is."

Sid smiled and waved them all off, "I'm still just a squatter. Give me some food so it will make sleeping on that god forsaken couch worthwhile. Can't believe I actually miss sleeping in the dirt." She rubbed at her neck a little pathetically.

Sam watched a frown twitch on Steve and Bucky's brows. He noticed their little tick of tension before they masked whatever emotions were stirred by Sid's statement. He tucked that away for further discussion and faced Sid, "So what floor are you staying on?" Sam added politely.

Sid shrugged as she sipped her cup, "This one. Any one. I'm not actually used to sleeping in total solitude. Even if I had a full room all too myself, I'm not exactly sure what to even do in it. I like having these lumbering fools around." She smiled at Steve and Bucky who took her gentle ribbing in stride, "Keeps things interesting."

Sam chuckled, "Well if interesting is what you want, interesting is definitely what you're gonna get around here." He eyed Sid again, "So, mutant or whatever? Is that something you talk about?"

"It's not something I have full authority to speak about — we are just starting to figure it out." Sid admitted and reached across the counter, pressing up on her tip toes to grab a piece of Steve's cinnamon sugar toast.

Sam nodded, nonplussed, "So what do you do?"

She shrugged, trying to find the easiest way to explain her powers, "Uh, I can control elements?"

Sam's eyes widened as he let out a wolf whistle, "Damn, like the Avatar?"

"What do blue aliens have to do with this?" Steve interjected, silently proud he caught that reference. His pride soon wilted when he saw the absolutely vexed glares he received from Sid and Sam. Their obvious distaste for his statement made his shoulders hunch in insecurity, "What?"

Sam rolled his eyes, rather dramatically if you asked Steve, and Sid just scoffed out a _whatever_ and kept going, "I heal people too."

Sam chortled, "Well shit, that's convenient."

Sid shot him a sad smile after the tiniest quiver of her lip and she just shrugged, "Sometimes." She cleared her throat and changed the subject, "So, you have a suit of some kind and you were thrown from those flying death machines called helicarriers?"

He nodded, "Yeah, they call me Falcon." He grinned a little, but it was hesitant, acknowledging Sid's interpersonal roadblock, "I got a pretty sweet set up with wings. Tony really decked it out."

Sid grinned, fascination glowing behind those earthy eyes, "I'd love to see them. Tony won't let me near his suits and Steve doesn't like to share his shield."

Something tickled in the back of Bucky's mind and he closed his eyes, awaiting the screeching that tended to halt his thoughts. His tension from fearing the pain was lost in peaceful surprise as a hallucination — a _memory_ — played behind his eyelids. He could see his left arm, his real left arm, clad in a thick blue coat, reaching for said shield.

When his arm slipped through the leathers straps, it was an oddly familiar sensation that sent chills up his spine. He could remember it vividly, hoisting the shield's weight up to his chest. His other arm raised and a pistol was in his hand, aiming at something in the blurred distance. The chill turned frigid and he felt like his blood was starting to harden in his veins. Then it was just brightness. So much brightness.

Fear bubbled in him and he snapped, his metal arm shot up to protect his face from the light, remembering fully the heft of the phantom shield strapped to his old arm though he _knew_ it wasn't there. His heart was rattling in his chest and it felt like all of his breath rushed out of him. He blinked against the brightness of the lights and looked up between empty metal fingers, seeing a swimming vision of Steve's face, mouthing his name and other jumbled words. His ears started ringing and he lashed out with shaking hands, swiping at the memory, trying to push away the cold.

His breathing stuttered in his lungs and he felt like his throat was constricting and his stomach swirled in knots. He wavered on his feet for a moment, a cold needling into his bones that made his entire chest seize up. Then the darker memories flashed and he felt a jolt of electricity force his jaw shut. There was dull humming in the background and his eyes blinked open and shut against the familiar, terrifying sound. In the distance he could hear a dog barking. He exhaled heavily, opening his eyes in this odd darkness around him. He could easily see the condensation of his breath, molecules of his inner heat, all that he had left, floating out into the air. He started shaking frantically when he looked up and his breath came out as jagged clouds of terror against a frigid glass porthole, only a foot or so away from his face.

He gasped in shock and reached out a slow and quaking hand, pressing metallic fingertips to the steel in front of him as the chill stung up his arm. He tried to breathe again, but he choked on the air and his head swam. He blinked back the tears, the heaving scream of his terror died on quivering lips as the cold rushed over him and he fell to his knees. Frozen. _Dead again._

He was suddenly engulfed in warmth, shivering and shaking while the world around him went dark. He wanted to be afraid, but a part of him recalled this and found comfort. He could remember disappearing into some other realm of thought, of hiding from his reality when the world around him sunk into that frozen night.

Soft fingertips plucked at his chest until they wound their way up to his jaw. He sucked in a lungful of air when he felt the heat singe his skin. His inhale brought with it the smell of the earth and cool vanilla that soothed his aching, parched throat. With the warmth pressed against him, he felt solidity return. Then he could hear the voices, speaking in even, calming tones and he could hear Dolly, snuffing against the blanket and trying to get his attention.

"You're in Stark Tower, I'm holding you in my arms." A soothing voice, accompanied by heated, damp breath, spoke against his neck, "It's Wednesday today and you threw cheerios at me as an alarm clock." Sid spoke and Bucky could feel the ease wash over him, "I'm here with you, in the Tower. Dolly is here too and so are Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson. They are our friends. You are safe here and you are warm and I'll protect you. _We'll_ protect you."

He sighed heavily at her words and his arms slowly wound around her waist and tugged her closer. He heard her breath hitch when his arms settled too tightly around her waist, so he loosened his grip and instead dug his fingertips into her to prove she was real.

"Breathe with me, okay?" She whispered softly, inhaling deeply and doing her best to make him hear it as she pressed her cheek against his temple. He nodded into her skin and inhaled with her, feeling their chests and stomachs expand and brush against each other, slinking away with the exhale as he rooted himself in her breaths.

He didn't know why he found it so effective, but her voice and the sound of her rumbling breaths in his ear, brought him back within the realm of his center. He was still shaky, but Sid held onto him tight, using the comforter she was wrapped in as a cocoon around them. After a few more moments of focused breathing, she paused and said quietly, "Do you want to be alone?"

He shook his head against her and she hummed a response to let him know that she understood.

"Would you prefer to go somewhere more private?" She asked him and he nodded, "Okay, let's go into your bedroom with Dolly. We can relax and then we will talk about it, okay?" He nodded again.

Sid untangled them from the blanket enough to stand. Bucky helped her keep the comforter wrapped around themselves and she shot Steve and Sam a small nod before they retreated to his room.

Sam watched the wounded soldier pining after Sid and Bucky's comforting retreat. He tried to hold in the heart break he felt seeing Steve looking so devastated. There was a lot in this world he had hope in, but Steve Rogers was one of the things he believed in the most. The man was damn near unshakeable and watching him go through this, on top of everything else in his life, just about tore Sam apart.

"I can see why you keep her around." Sam nodded towards Bucky's closed door, allowing Steve a moment to get a hold of himself.

Steve shook himself abruptly and Sam could see the Captain America facade fall down in a flash. He shot Steve a disinterested sort of pedantic glare that shut down that pathetic attempt at closing him out. Steve sighed at Sam's expression and then shrugged, his voice thick with his pain, "Yeah, she's done wonders for him."

Sam nodded, appreciative of Steve's recent evolution of actually talking to Sam about his problems. "It looks like it. I imagine even before right now, things weren't always so buddy-buddy?"

Sam eyed the toast for a moment and Steve pushed it over. He dug into a piece and Steve followed suit. They chewed in a thoughtful silence for a few minutes before Sam swallowed his last bite and breached the difficult subject, "You know Steve, both you and I know what he's going through."

Steve nodded solemnly, "Post Traumatic Stress."

Sam cleared his throat. "I'm betting that's not just it either." He replied in a heavy tone. "These things do take time and it can be difficult. Can you trust her? Can _Bucky_ trust her?"

Steve let out a thready sigh, glancing at Sam with a heavy heart, "It's not really my choice is it?" He chuckled softly, "But she's _good_ Sam. She's really just good — I mean, she's devoted the last twenty or so years of her life to the homeless people of the _world_. I gotta take whatever she offers. If Bucky needs her, I gotta hope she stays."

Steve sighed and leaned against the counter again, "This is probably the first morning he was actually willing to say more than zero words to me. It took a fist fight, Sid and I almost killing each other, and Hydra attacking Bucky's hide out resulting in the deaths of Sid's friends to get it even close to this."

Sam nodded thoughtfully, "But that's sure a long way to come and look pretty good doin' it."

Steve flashed Sam a glance, realizing he was being serious, Steve allowed a tight smile to form on his lips, "She's done so much for him. When I think about the first time I saw him again —," his breaking voice was a knife to Sam's heart, "on the bridge, on the helicarrier… And only months later, I come to discover the two of them _strolling_ through the tunnels together, chatting like old friends…" Steve inhaled shakily, trying to reign in the bitterness of his tone.

He stared at the counter with a crackling pain in his chest and continued, "From day one, she's done nothing but protect him, she's done nothing but try to help, and it's working. She never stopped trying to keep us all together, talking when I was tongue tied and heart broken, pulling me out of my misery with her stupid jokes and that smile." He exhaled again and looked up at Sam with pure hope in his eyes, "In the last week I was able to pull a smile or two out of him. In those moments, I realize all this chaos might just be worth it."

"I'm sure it will be Steve." Sam nodded and chewed on his lip, "But is Sarge the only one that needs her?" He raised and pointed eyebrow and Steve scowled at him, giving him the exact answer he expected. He nodded again slowly and reached for another piece of toast, "You got a time bomb here, Cap."

Steve exhaled heavily, his bitterness now directed at Sam's damnable perceptiveness. He swiped a slow hand over his jaw in a slight hopelessness and mumbled, "You're telling me."

While Sam busied himself with grabbing some orange juice, Steve allowed himself a second to stare at Bucky's door, willing it to open for him so he could be part of the healing process too.

Sometimes it stung too much to recall just how much he was hurting as well.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Sorry that took so long for me to update. Things have been stressful but I think they might begin to settle soon. Hope all of you are doing well!**_


	27. On a Roll with Honor Roll

_27 : On a Roll with Honor Roll_

* * *

Sid grumbled as she tightened the borrowed basketball shorts, not nearly enough to justify Steve's hip circumference compared to hers. She glared at the tiny waisted man sitting on the opposite side of the mat they were on, stretching and chuckling with Bucky about a wager where Tony and Steve ended up battling each other in Iron Man suits. Bucky had a timid smile on his lips and they looked to be having a grand old time as they warmed up, looking as spry and flexible as two ancient body building ballerinas could.

Sid grumbled again and stretched to touch her toes in a vain and very painful failed attempt. She thumped back onto the mat with a groan and her overt tantrum and bodily flail finally caught Steve and Bucky's attention.

"It can't be that bad." Steve chuckled as he gazed over at Sid's splayed supine form, bouncing up onto his toes and looking way too happy to be in a gym.

"I'm not and never will be athletic." Sid quipped back with bitterness in her tone, "My thing is remaining unnoticed."

"What happens if you get caught? You'll have to run." Bucky chimed in as he stood, rolling his shoulders and rubbing at the connection of his metal arm near his collarbone.

"No, I don't _have_ to run," she sat up, glaring at the two men in front of her who represented the absolute limits of physical perfection, "I am quite proficient at stealthily _walking_ away and then hiding."

Bucky snorted at her impertinence, "Well, with the people who are after me, it's important you know how to defend yourself."

"Not if I can trip them up before sneaking away." Sid's lip twitched slightly, her hand lifted up slowly and she made a quick sweeping motion with her fingers which caused a gust of air to knock one of Bucky's feet right out from under him.

He stumbled but didn't fall, leveling her with his most menacing glare, "Cute." But the sound of it was just about the opposite of the word's true meaning.

She did her best not to recoil at his tone and returned his ire with a soft smile before laying back down in a huff. "Jarvis, can we get some tunes?" Sid mentioned casually, nibbling on her lower lip, "Maybe we can get something a little more upbeat and fun to make this process less atrocious."

"Working out is fun — and my music is great." Steve scoffed, he was extremely proud of his evolving musical repertoire.

Sid shot a frown at the ceiling, "Please, you can't have a sports montage to Carl Perkins." She paused thoughtfully as if forming a plan and then waved the thoughts away, "That's for another day. I need to listen to things that make me wanna dance." She lifted her head to stare at Steve and Bucky while she did a little horizontal samba by herself. "Get me pumped up." She wiggled a bit more.

"Agreed Sid." Jarvis chimed and then started playing some of the more edgy club music that was popular these days.

Sid cheered with raised arms and then laid back down, wiggling her booted toes to the beat of the song. "You're a peach, Jarvis!"

"The sentiment is reciprocated." He replied quickly and then signed off.

"Ha!" Sid replied with vigor, pointing at the ceiling in a Eureka moment, before nodding and winking to Steve and Bucky with the sound of self-assurance, " _Sentience_. You better make sure you're on his good side before he takes over the world."

Steve chuckled as he and Bucky made their way to the center of the mat which Sid was just north of, "Hey Sid, you might want to move."

Sid's eyes were closed as the music thumped her into the springboard, "Nah, I'm chill." She replied with a mischievous little smile as she folded her hands behind her head.

The music was loud but it couldn't drown out the sound of two bodies colliding with each other at full force. Sid shot up to a seated position with terror on her features as she heard the two men grunting in effort. She caught Bucky and Steve going after each other at full-strength and full-speed.

She was positively mesmerized by the way their bodies moved so fluidly. Every movement was level and exact. Their fists flew with force and precision — a stark difference when compared to the other fist-fight she witnessed between them, where they were all desperate defense and virulent rage. This was strategic and unemotional. _This_ was a fight: two prime examples prompted human evolution, moving in a dangerous sort of dance with one another.

Steve was driven back by a shove from Bucky, but he just surged forward again, jumping high in attack, kicking out with his left foot in a sharp jab to Bucky's gut that was blocked. Sid marveled at the curvature of Steve's body as his other leg swung towards Bucky's head in a downward arc with something like the momentum of Jupiter's orbit behind it.

Bucky deflected it simply enough, rolling out of the way as Steve planted his feet back on the floor. There was a moment they shared, an appreciative predatory gaze and a wry smile, acknowledging the power they shared. Sid felt every single liquid in her body vaporize at the look in their eyes, something far too intimate for her to be witnessing.

They charged again and began another splendidly horrible furor.

"You enjoying yourself doll-face?" Bucky quipped after a dizzying amount of blows that Steve grunted against. Sid just grinned back, her phone now in hand as she recorded their battle.

"What are you doing?" Steve replied and if not for the fist flying at his face that he needed to dodge, he would have tried to glance at her.

"I need it for the montage!" She shot back with a chuckle and a lascivious heat curled up in her gut she grumbled a little giddily as Bucky moved fluidly to get Steve into a complex arm hold, "And science." She muttered, more to herself and the montage than anyone else.

"Hey! You explained that one to me!" Steve choked out with Bucky's arm around his neck before he expertly threw Bucky over his shoulder and they surged at each other once again.

It was a worrying sort of fascination that consumed Sid. She could see the vast differences in the men's fighting style: one honed to protect, one tuned to destroy. She tried her best not to dwell on _why_ they were so different, because almost every other aspect of their movements were matched in speed and precision. Their fighting styles were a mixture of newer, advanced techniques, while also being littered with moves from a school boy tussle along with those sly smirks.

They had been battling at full force for quite some time and aside from the very slight gleam on their flexing arms, she didn't think it would be over any time soon. She couldn't help but feel like a bad person for being excited about that, but her front row seat to two not bad looking, master super soldiers battling each other was a smothering balm to her damnable conscience.

It was a beautiful sort of dance they engaged in with surprising agility and effective defense. They spun kicks at one another and utilized artful dodging techniques that contorted the lines of their incredible bodies into weapons of mass destruction. A sickening thought entered Sid's mind as Bucky and Steve collided with a grunt, finding a terrible sort of wonder in the science needed to create such paragons of humanity.

Her sultry sort of preoccupation with their battle was stunted when Bucky and Steve flew in her direction during a particularly difficult maneuver that rivaled moves from Turkish Oil Wrestling. With no time to think about greasing up shirtless pinnacles of human form, she let out a screech and threw herself back down on the mat, lying as flat as possible to avoid the blur that was two human weapons flying over her.

She rolled out of the way when they cleared her, crawling herself off of the mat with whining yelps and hiding behind a chair settled in the corner of the room for spectators.

"Told you, you shoulda moved!" Steve grunted through his battle with Bucky that eventually made its way back over to the mat in a series of rolls punctuated by their growls of effort in besting one another.

Sid just about snarled and she grabbed at the boot that was now hanging limply off her ankle and lobbed it at the wrestling men. The shoe thwacked Bucky in the back of the head before Plinko-ing off of his shoulder in a hasty bounce and clomping right on Steve's face before thumping to the ground.

The men froze their wrestling and despite the compromising position that was giving Sid heart palpitations, they glared at her. When they rolled away from one another Sid scrambled to her feet as they walked over, side by side, showcasing their accumulated six feet of shoulder expanse with the most serious frowns they could muster.

"What was that for?" Bucky snarled a little too charmingly.

Sid silently thanked whatever mystery of the universe gave her dark skin to slightly dampen the contrast of her flushing cheeks. She stiffened, squaring her shoulders and puffing herself in an imitation of them. " _What was that for_?" She replied with a hitch in her voice. She unevenly stomped up to Steve and Bucky, spitting at them like cornered kitten, "If the two of you rolled on top me, I would have _died_!"

Steve scoffed, "We knew what we were doing." He grinned at Bucky who nodded conspiratorially.

Sid's eyebrows shot up in fury. "That is four-hundred pounds of weaponized dude that sailed over me at fifty miles an hour!" She screeched in indignation, "You scared the piss out of me!"

Bucky chuckled at that, "Princess, we had it handled."

He reached out to her and Sid slapped his hand away with a less than playful growl, "No! You two meat heads need to be taught a lesson! It's not all about brute strength and a brooding, bumbling rage!"

"Nice alliteration." Steve smirked, rolling back on his heels.

"Technically, it's _consonance_ , you muscled amoeba!" She spat back at him.

"Well, now you're just being hurtful." Steve pouted and it made Sid fume and Bucky couldn't stop the chuckle in his throat.

"So what, you want to teach us a lesson?" Bucky stepped forward, a bit of that bravado showing through and taking the room for a spin.

Sid almost wavered at the way his voice slipped down her spine. She forced herself to think was super gross and she glared at him, "Yeah, maybe I _do_!"

Steve and Bucky sort of chuckled, but Steve spoke up, "Look, I'm sorry, we were just trying to mess with you."

Sid grumbled, "Well it worked! But all the sorries in the world won't make up for that." She crossed her arms and shifted on uneven feet, "You boys need a good dose of humility."

Steve chuckled, "All right, all right. What can we do to make you forgive us?"

Bucky spread a deep smile on his lips and Sid snapped at him with a pointed finger, " _No_."

"I didn't even say anything, doll." Bucky laughed out and Steve couldn't help but watch him in fascination.

"I could decipher your dirty little brain waves a mile away." She quipped darkly and thrust her tongue out at him in defiance.

"A competition!" Steve eventually chimed in with a delighted grin. When he glanced at Sid she was grimacing something terrible, "An easy one, okay? We aren't just brute buff buffoons."

Sid glowered at him with a twitch on her lip. "Fine." She tightened her crossed arms and accentuated her confidence with a twitch of her head.

"Fine." Steve agreed, "How about…who can break a punching bag on the first try?"

Sid threw herself into a full body groan, "How is that _not_ about strength!?"

Steve laughed heartily and Bucky allowed himself a moment to watch and appreciate it, "It's strategic." Steve chuckled. "You have to figure out its weakest point in _one_ hit." He crossed his heart with a finger and raised his right hand, "I promise, we'll only go at normal power."

Sid frowned and stomped her foot at Steve's _young boy watching his first sunrise_ expression, "You should go at _my_ power." She whined.

Bucky chuckled, "All right then, step up and show us what you got." He wagged some fingers at her and opened his arms up wide.

Sid blanched, stumbling back at the implication while shaking her head furiously, "I'm not going to hit _anyone_."

Steve stepped under Bucky's arm with a tiny skip, his hands clasped behind his back as he moved closer to Sid, "Come on, Sid. What if we make a bet? What are you, chicken?"

Sid rolled her eyes continuing backwards, "What are you? Perpetually ten?" Steve shrugged off some laughter and then Sid continued, "I don't need to bet you a hundred dollars to prove I can beat 's stupid." She finished contemptuously as they both walked towards her, matching their steps to hers. It was an eerie sort of assimilation of her movements and she had the very sudden and _dire_ realization that both of these men really _were_ dangerous.

"Where would you get a hundred dollars?" Bucky interjected a little lamely, honestly confused.

Sid shot him a dark glare, "Strategically purchased stocks and heavily managed savings accounts. I do just fine." She then swung her head back to Steve, "It's stupid and I won't do it."

"You're acting stupid — come on Sid," Steve begged a little, "it'll be fun!"

Staring at the pouting super soldiers who were advancing on her, she narrowed her eyes further with each step she took away from them. "This isn't fun. Laser tag is fun. Seeing Clint run into things is fun. _This is not fun and you two need help_."

Sid's back rammed into the wall and the boys still approached. Bucky leaned a hand against the wall around the top of her head, dipping his head in to speak with her while Steve leaned a shoulder to the wall with a grin while he crossed his arms, "You don't like competition, do you?"

Sid's eyes really narrowed at that one, but not with her jesting anger, rather a surprisingly sharp fear. She reigned it in when she glanced at Steve who leveled himself to be only a few breaths away from mashing his face against her face so that their faces could be together. She tried to edge away from him, but that only put her closer to Bucky. She was being crowded in the best and worst kind of way.

"You guys are such bullies. I thought you didn't _like_ bullies. That's only like the most overused Captain America quote ever." Sid practically gagged out in her annoyance.

Steve grinned with a cheshire tilt, "Oh come on Sid. We're interested to see what you can do. It'll help us learn to be better trainers for you."

Sid finally pushed her way through them, "I don't _need_ trainers." She was serious now and they quickly adjusted to her emotion. She was minimally thankful for that tiny way they understood her, recognizing when the moments of fun were over. They all had an annoying knack for being brutally honest in the wrong moments. This was one of them. "I don't want to be trained or managed or corralled or whatever it is you all do."

"Assembled?" Steve unhelpfully interjected.

She returned his statement with a glare. "I am not a warrior. I don't want to be knee deep in the action. I am a very specific kind of coward." Her voice went slightly shaky and both Steve and Bucky pushed off the wall, reaching out to provide comfort, but she shied away. "Look I do what I can to help, but I'm not a fighter. The idea of really hurting someone is my worst nightmare. I _can't_ do it. The only time I've hurt people is in self defense and even then, I don't want to use my advantage like that. It does _no one_ any good. _Ever."_ Her voice became almost strangled, "When I lost control in the tunnels I could have killed a lot of people." Her voice shattered this time with the emotion she felt, "I _can't_ lose the paltry amount of control I have. I care way too much about this stupid world and all of its stupid people. I can't do it!"

"Sid…" Bucky was the one who spoke, because Steve's throat tightened too sharply for him to speak.

"Just, don't… Okay?" Sid said it quietly, "Don't make me sacrifice that part of me. I don't want to _fight_."

Steve once again wanted to speak, to say something, but Bucky intervened, his tone stern.

"The world isn't a good enough place for you Sid." He stated gruffly, "No one cares that much, no one can possibly be so connected to it all, except you." Sid looked up at him, surprised with his astute clarity. He continued, "No one in the world will treat you with as much respect as that. You need to be prepared to defend yourself. You need to be prepared to hurt."

Sid almost gasped out her laugh, "You don't think I _hurt_ enough already?" Her voice was laced with reprehension.

She turned her back on them, glaring out at the expansive gym in her frustration. Maybe twenty feet away, the punching bag Steve was talking about was hanging from the ceiling. She glared at it for a moment, bitterness whirling in her chest and indignation broiling in her gut. She was sick and tired of people trying to force her to be something she was not. Her entire life she was never ruthless enough, pretty enough, tender enough, strong enough. Living up to the impossible standards of others was crippling and she was done with it. It didn't matter what cosmic fuckery decided to give her powers, the world was not entitled to her servitude as its soldier. She was an individual, just like anyone else, and she deserved the right to live her life as she pleased.

She damn well respected the people who dedicated their lives to serving society in dangerous roles. She knew the sort of courage that Steve, Bucky, and all the Avengers possessed was not something she had. But she was becoming increasingly unimpressed with everyone's eagerness to _destroy_. She was sick of the idea that good was only done on the battlefield; that in order to gain peace, you must prepare for war.

She had seen plenty of wars. Wars between races and sexes, wars over money and resources, all born out of gluttonous need to _control_. She'd been on the street and seen brothers against brothers. Men and women and children all on different sides, screaming epithets and slurs. She was tired of watching people slaughter each other in the name of some mystical and unjustly perverted greater good. She yearned for true peace so earnestly that it hurt.

Glaring at the punching bag again, a raging white heat shot to her chest and surged behind her heart. She toed off her remaining boot and kicked it away before planting her feet firmly on the floor.

With the rage of injustice behind her movement, her hands shot out in furious blades, as if to force the currents of air into a cyclone at her chest. Her right hand made the largest arc, pulling back into her shoulder with a mighty force and barely waiting for a blink of the eye to pass before shooting straight forward like an arrow, piercing the air that her left hand had pulled in.

A torrent of wind shot away from her fingertips, rippling in their sight as it distorted everything behind it. It moved so quickly that it gained a glowing solidity to it, burning white hot as it sliced through the air around it. It hit the punching bag with such a rapid speed that the bag itself was barely disturbed until the scythe of molten air passed through it and dispersed on the other side in a puff of vapor. A moment later, the filling finally started spilling out and eventually dislodged as the bottom half of the punching bag thumped to the floor with sand piling on top of it.

The moment was completely breathless and Sid stood up straight, her shoulders poised and calm before she turned on a shocked Steve and Bucky with a fierce glare, "Never for a moment presume that I am weak simply because I refuse to fight _your_ wars." She would have growled at them if not for the emotion in her voice.

She dismissed them as she looked past them and strode forward, determined and angry as she made her way to the elevator.

Steve watched after her in a place that was very blurred between fear and admiration. He flashed a glance at Bucky who was staring after her and looking downright ticked. Steve cleared his throat softly, catching Bucky's attention. Steve wasn't sure if Bucky — or even Sid — really grasped what just happened, "That punching bag she just dismantled?" He spoke softly as Sid continued to retreat, "Those were deemed practically indestructible by a Norse god."

Bucky's glance went back to Sid and this time, it took on a similar tilt to Steve's distraught confusion.

As Sid approached the elevators, the doors opened hastily and she got in, not daring to move until the doors finally closed behind her.

Then she promptly collapsed. On her hands and knees, she coughed heavily and felt something gurgle onto her lips. Her ears were ringing but they popped a few times and she heard Jarvis' dull chiming of her name.

"Jarvis?" Sid gargled slightly, her eyes rolling into the back of her head for a second, "Get me to Bruce and monitor my vitals for him if you can. I'm not sure I'm gonna stay conscious…"

"On your way already and I was monitoring them as soon as I noticed your body heat increase." Jarvis continued to speak with her to keep her conscious.

"Body heat increase?" She murmured, concussedly curious. She put a hand to her mouth and swiped at her lips, pulling them back and seeing blood on her knuckles.

"Yes Sid, a two point six degree increase." Jarvis added, answering Sid's next question, "It only seemed pertinent because it was extremely focused in your lower abdomen."

Sid's vision swam with the words, not quite retaining them and she heard Jarvis blather on about something for a few seconds until the ping of the door sounded and they woodshed open to reveal an all out of sorts Bruce.

His eyes searched frantically at her normal height and shock almost set in before he found her prone on the floor. He rushed to her side and knelt down, frantically asking questions between her and Jarvis to figure out what was happening as he inspected her. She muttered things unhelpfully, her speech slurred and her eyes half closed and unfocused. Luckily, Jarvis filled in as best he could. When she stopped responding, Bruce scooped Sid up in his arms and carried her to his couch.

As he laid her down on the cushions murmuring to himself and to Jarvis about what new schemes she had come up with, she grinned up at him sleepily, "I ever tell you I'm an overachiever?" Then she promptly passed out leaving Bruce with only his horrified chuckle.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Hello everyone. Sorry for my extended absence. Things have been busy and stressful and so NOT conducive to writing. I feel extremely overwhelmed right now and unfortunately its affecting my absolute love for my story and the Marvel Universe. I'm trying to work through the current slump, especially because there was such a time gap from when I started this story, got sick the first time, wanted to finish the story, and am now working through health issues again so in trying to tie it up in a nice neat little bow is becomming burdensome - especially with the conflicts brought on by Age of Ultron which some may or may not disagree with me on. So either way, I'm still trying to work out the nonsense in my head and I was hoping to be done before CACW, but I probably wont be and thats ok. Who knows, maybe CACW will give me the much needed boost of inspiration that AoU seemed to deplete. Again, much love to Lmere, who has been so great during this whole process and has been encouraging and kind despite my utter lack of determination, lol. Love to you all.**_


	28. Living Life on the Runaway

28 : Living Life on the Runaway

* * *

Sid woke a few hours later. She rolled around for a few seconds until she figured out she was wrapped in a blanket. Her unfocused gaze flitted around the dark room and finally focused in on Bruce, sitting on the adjacent side of the coffee table, reading a book. He glanced up at Sid when she shifted and he set down his book, patiently waiting until she righted herself.

"How long?" She rasped and was thankful to find a bottle of water sitting in front of her face on the coffee table.

"Three hours." Bruce chuckled softly, "I watched the footage. Do you think that was really necessary?"

Sid pouted slightly, rubbing at her temples, "They have to understand that I can't do this. They have to realize that I _choose_ not to do this." She looked up at Bruce a little desperately. "This thing inside me? I don't know, it scares the shit out of me."

Bruce sighed heavily with understanding, "If there is one thing I can tell you about your specific condition it's that not everyone will be able to understand it. It's complex, just as you are, and it deserves a level of careful respect."

Sid frowned at him slightly. With a trembling voice she questioned, "You know what it's like, losing control like that and y-you respect the _other guy_?"

Bruce shrugged, slightly amused, "We have our differences, but in the end…" Bruce stared down at his hand, his fingers quaking slightly before he clenched his fist and refocused on Sid, "He protects me — sometimes when I need it most. Sometimes, he protects others too and that's what is important." He shifted in his chair as Sid sipped on the cool water to fight back the tears for the man beside her. "The things inside of us, whether we control them all the time or not, it's not a definition, it's not a death sentence. You learn to do what you can, to avoid what you need to in order to get through it. As much as you don't want to, what you're doing, trying to understand it, it's good."

Sid sighed softly, eyeing Bruce up and down carefully. There was a sadness in his tone that didn't escape her so she scooted closer to where he was sitting and went to reach out to him, but she stopped herself. She looked up into his eyes, warm like sunshine through tree sap, but so very lonely and asked, "May I hold your hand?"

Bruce chuckled softly, surprised, "That's a novel idea." He reached out to Sid and she took his hand in hers. His skin was rough, calloused from hard work and difficult living, and the spark of his energy was different, dynamic. It was hard to really follow and it was almost as if he were flashing between Bruce and the _other guy_ in rapid succession. Bruce looked tired and Sid wondered just how hard it was to exist in his body the way that he did. It also didn't escape her that Bruce, the kindest, sweetest man, smartest man she'd met so far, had a terrifying dark side. _Everyone_ had a dark side.

She squeezed his hand and smiled, "I just…" She heaved out a shaky breath, "I can handle the cool parts, like being able to dry my hair without a blow dryer, or lighting a cigarette with my fingertips…but I never wanted _this_."

Bruce actually laughed out loud. He covered his mouth with his opposite hand while he apologized, "Oh, that was so horrible, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at you." He dropped his hand and the smile behind it was darker than the others, "Just that statement, it really hit me."

Sid gave him a rueful smile, staring down at his hand cradling hers, "So have you learned to control him?"

Bruce shot her another nervous smile and shrugged, "We prefer not to label it."

Sid nodded with an amused smile, rubbing a comforting thumb on the back of his hand, "I can respect that."

Bruce chuckled again, "He's a part of me, I'm a part of him. It took us a lot of time to figure out how to co-exist — and it's still not easy. Maybe you just need to do the same." His face was stern and then it popped with an almost excited animation, "Oh! That reminds me! Thor should be arriving in a few hours."

Sid's eyebrows shot to the roof, "What!?"

Bruce chuckled, "He sent a transmission — or a projection. It was weird, don't ask about it." He shook his head lightly, "Tony said he got the same thing. Thor got our message about you and he wants to do his best to help anyone who is considered a friend to the Avengers."

Sid grinned, "He sounds like a real stellar person."

Bruce deadpanned, "I'm going to ignore that pun and remind you that you've got two super soldiers who have been moping around for the last few hours thinking you're upset with them and not that you went into a healing coma."

Sid grimaced, "Yeah, I was hoping to keep that between us, if at all possible."

Bruce frowned and shook his head, "I'm going to advise against it, but I can't stop you and I won't betray your trust. I'll just say it leaves me in a compromising position. You vs. my team. I consider you all my friends, so just… remember that."

Sid sighed heavily, "Okay, okay, maybe, just maybe, I'll tell them, just give me a little time. It's gonna be a bitch of bandaid to pull off once they figure out this all powerful cosmic being passes out because she's not in shape."

Bruce grinned softly, "It does tarnish your image a bit."

Sid rolled her eyes with a smile, "I won't tell anyone about the glass figurines if you won't tell people I get nosebleeds if I think too hard."

Bruce chuckled and squeezed her hand gently, though his tone was dryly humorous, "Deal. Now go soothe the sullied egos of those poor forsaken soldiers."

"Will do doc." She winked at him and then got up gingerly, her body aching a little bit due to the exertion she put it through.

As she trudged out of Bruce's apartment and towards the elevator, the information of Thor's arrival rolled around in her brain. Thor was from _space_ and there was a tiny sliver of possibility that she was _also_ from space. If she met Thor, he might be able to tell her _where_ from space she exactly hailed from. Who knows, maybe she had relatives who were searching for her. She tried to quash the pathetic light of hope in her chest, so she pushed on, humming to herself in the elevator until Jarvis picked up the tune and played the song over the speakers.

A grin spread on her lips that she was trying to fight off. She had to admit, maybe there was something to this superhero lark. If she could persuade herself to learn more about her powers, maybe she'd get a sweet outfit, a stuffed AI-animal, and bitchin' pad too.

When the doors opened to Steve's floor, she stepped out and made her way through the whooshing doorway and into his apartment. Bucky and Steve had skittered to their feet when Sid entered and she waited patiently for them to get sorted, looking bashful and slightly apologetic.

"We want to apologize for earlier." Steve started and walked closer to Sid, his face as earnest as the day is long. He turned and gestured to Bucky as he spoke, "We talked and realized that we shouldn't push you like that. It's not our place to make soldiers, only to train them."

Bucky nodded solemnly and added, "If you ever want our help, it's here for you, but otherwise, we'll back off."

Sid eyed them a little coldly, her mouth pursed in distaste for a second before it stretched into a small smile. She sighed out her frustration at them, standing before her and looking like little boys who yanked pigtails until they figured out why it was wrong. "So you guys talked?"

"We did." Steve nodded, his frown buckling from the joy in his eyes.

Sid snorted out a little bitterness at Bucky's somewhat whipped expression, "Makes it sort of hard to be mad at you both when you go and do mature things." She eyed them carefully and Steve's smile went full bore, bright and beautiful like sunshine glittering along the ocean waves. Even Bucky's slight grin stretched a little further.

She sighed heavily,"You know I forgive you, but you have to understand that my decisions are mine and I need friends who respect that." She watched their faces carefully and Steve was nodding along with her, showing his agreement for every word while Bucky just eyed her carefully, his eyes trailing up and down her frame in slight confusion. She continued before he could ask questions, "Just don't make me regret trusting you both, okay?"

"Never…" Bucky replied softly and Sid shot him a small smile.

She cleared her throat to dismiss the tension, "Anyways, I'm pretty sure I beat you both in the whole punching bag thing."

Steve smiled first, rolling his eyes a little for her, "You used powers. We weren't supposed to use powers."

Sid just scoffed, pushing past him good naturedly and shirking her jacket to lay it on the kitchen counter as she strolled by, " _We weren't supposed to use powers_." She mocked him childishly and Bucky chuckled. "You two are genetically engineered super humans, molded into spectacular fighting machines," she voiced it as a compliment, "you have government sanctioned steroids running through your system and he's got a metal limb!"

"Gotta learn to play to your advantages sweetheart." Bucky drawled and Sid rolled her eyes.

Her lip curled at Bucky in an affectionate hatred, "You've gotten far too comfortable speaking, why can't you go back to being a very good looking and _quiet_ wall of muscle?" Bucky gave her a full toothy grin at that. She pointed a dainty finger at each them and added quickly, "Suck it up, I won!"

Steve rolled his eyes, "Well, if you ever decide to train with us again, we'll have a rematch — a real one."

Sid replied with a roll of her own eyes and then floundered into the kitchen to prepare a snack. She opened the fridge and leaned in as the light flicked on, a spark of memory igniting in her brain. "Oh yeah! Thor is coming later!"

Jarvis pinged, "Actually, Thor will be arriving in an hours time."

Sid repeated the statement with her original tone, "Oh yeah! Thor will be arriving in the an hours time!"

Steve chuckled at her antics and her weak grin, "Thanks Jarvis." He glanced towards Bucky who was eyeing him and Sid speculatively. "He's a friend, you won't have to worry about Thor, only his exuberance."

Bucky shifted slightly, "Exuberance?"

"He can be incredibly friendly." Steve placated.

"Does he know…?" Bucky questioned further, fingers running along the counter top in a haphazard way, "About me?"

Steve nodded, affection for his friend burning brightly, "He does. He knows of Hydra and their history with experimentation, their manipulation of the Tesseract too. He's pledged to give us any knowledge he can about how to help you."

Bucky blanched at that, "He —? He doesn't even know me."

Steve just chuckled, following Sid into the kitchen for a bite to eat, "Like I said, he's an exuberant guy."

"— God!" Sid corrected.

Steve frowned, "Demigod." Sid opened her mouth to reply and then shrugged. She wasn't sure she knew the difference.

"Want a sandwich Bucky?" Sid grinned as she pulled out all of the fixings, stacking them on top of each other in her arms.

"Only if Steve makes it." Bucky replied curtly.

Sid dropped everything onto the counter in a heap and it scattered. She frowned heavily at Bucky while Steve practically peacocked his way over to start making a sandwich. Sid growled playfully, "And what exactly is wrong with _my_ sandwiches?"

Bucky shrugged noncommittally, "You make them too spicy."

Sid laughed, "Oh my god. _White boys_." She shook her head and yanked the turkey out of Steve's hands. "You guys would be toast in Asiatic countries." She murmured as she began stacking her sandwich, compared to Steve's set up with four. Though she was silently pleased that Bucky was showing more signs of personal preference, she didn't want to point it out and make him uncomfortable.

Bucky chuckled, a little embarrassed, "What? If it's too spicy it's like you can't taste anything except burning."

"I gotta say, I kind of agree with him. I'm used to things being bland." Steve joked as he dealt out turkey slices like playing cards.

Sid just laughed as she grabbed some of the hot sauce she stole from Clint and doused her sandwich with it, "You and your inferior tongues."

Steve opened his mouth to reply with something a little more off-colored than usual, but Jarvis chimed in first.

"Thor will be arriving soon and Mr. Stark has requested your presence in the debrief room for discussion."

"Thank you Jarvis." Sid smiled as she took a hulking bite out of her sandwich, relishing in the delicious heat. "Eat up boys." She cheers'd them with her sandwich and they all went to start gnawing on their meals.

Around the lump of sandwich in her mouth, she muttered a quick, "Maybe if you actually ate things with substance, you wouldn't need to eat ten pounds of food every two hours and you guys would have a little hair on your chests."

Steve scoffed as he chewed. "All right, that's it…" He sounded horribly indignant and Sid just chewed through her sarcastic reply as he put the sandwich down with a determined hand.

"What, is the Wonder Bread is too spicy?" Sid teased further and then Steve playfully lunged at her. " _Not the sandwich_!" She screamed as she dove away from him.

Bucky stepped in quickly and Sid rammed right into him. She huffed out a sharp breath of air as his fingers gripped her sandwich and tugged it from her hands. "No no no no…" She begged as she grappled for it like a toddler.

"Maybe you need to learn some respect for your elders." Bucky waved her sandwich above her head and she could almost reach it. She jumped as pathetically high as she could when hands caught her at her sides and fingers that usually curled around an unbreakable shield dug in between her ribs and tickled the life out her.

She unabashedly screamed as Steve tickled her senseless. She somehow got squashed between him and Bucky, flailing wildly for her own bodily safety as his fingers dug in and refused to relent. She tried to wriggle out of their grasp, but as always it was a vain attempt. So she thrashed around a bit, doing her best not to cause actual damage until she got Steve in the solar plexus mostly on accident. The huff from his lungs gave Sid enough time to push past Bucky, who was too busy laughing at Steve's momentary loss of breath.

"Get her!" Steve huffed out with a paralyzed diaphragm and a metal hand lashed out and grabbed her wrist as she retreated.

"No no no no nooooooooooo!" Sid laughed and complained at the same time as Bucky tugged her towards them with a little too much momentum. Steve was bent over laughing and breathless for a second as Sid's hips swung into him like a wrecking ball. She felt like the building swung back, but that was hardly her focus as she collided with Steve while simultaneously grasping at Bucky to keep her balance.

The collision was catastrophic and they all fell to the floor in a heap of laughter and sandwich bits. Sid was wriggling away from Steve who had wrapped a stiff arm around her waist while his chin dug into her shoulder blades. Bucky had one of her legs caught in a vice between his thighs and the other was hitched over his hip as he gripped her upper knee and squeezed with relentless determination.

Sid did her best, but her actions only resulted in giggle fits or a mostly-accidentally poked eyes. They were writhing on the floor together, laughing amicably, tickling and teasing and jabbing at each other. Bucky actually had a hell of a time trying to keep Sid's hands from slipping through his grasp. She wouldn't stop flailing and screaming with Steve's chin planted firmly in her shoulder blades and the fingers of his hand around her waist digging into her ribs. She was arching against them both in desperation, mouth wide open with tears streaming down her cheeks from her laughter and frustration.

Steve adjusted so that he was flush up against her, his chin now navigating to burrow into her neck where his very slight stubble prickled at her skin and caused her to yelp. He looked up to capture the shock on her face but his attention was diverted when he saw the look Bucky was giving Sid. Something dark and heady was brewing behind those familiar eyes and it ignited something instantly panic worthy inside Steve's gut. It only got worse when Bucky bit his lip to the tune of Sid's laughter and blue eyes met blue for just a second. Something sparked inside of Steve at the sight of Bucky's wide pupils, their faces and bodies only being kept apart by the woman compromisingly squashed between them. Something flashed bright in his vision and he and Bucky were released from their trance.

Stunned for a moment, they all froze at the lightning that flickered outside their windows and the thunder that boomed in the not so distant distance.

Sid perked up, prying herself from their grasp so she could peak over Bucky's shoulder towards the windows. "What was that!?" She asked gleefully, her eyes wide and excited as she extricated herself from their tangled bodies and crawled away until she could safely get to her feet. Then she sprinted at the window and stuttered to a halt with her hands and face pressed against the glass for a decent view.

She turned back to them with a childlike smile splitting her cheeks, practically vibrating on her toes, "He's coming! This is _so_ cool! I get to meet a _god_!"

"Demigod!" Steve corrected from the floor with a grin. He glanced at Bucky who was staring at him blankly and Steve got to his feet slowly, extending a hand to help Bucky off the floor. Bucky took it hesitantly but got to his feet with ease without even looking at Steve. He stalked over to stand behind Sid and stare out the window at the suddenly changing weather.

The sky seemed to spark and Steve's throat constricted. He realized that for the first time since before the helicarrier, before the plane, and before their deaths, Steve and Bucky finally shared a touch that didn't involve aggression.

What it did hold was something different and slightly terrifying. Something Steve wasn't quite sure he understood. He walked up behind them, watching closely as Sid leaned into Bucky in a way that was open and affectionate. She pawed at him gently as she spoke, describing the stories she knew from Norse Mythology — she was absurdly well-read.

He didn't want to make the moment falter, so he stayed silent as he approached slowly, trying to dispel the shattering notion that he would be happy to relive the last few minutes over and over again forever.

With them _both_.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **I think I'm back to a more regular posting schedule. Hopefully once a week again, on the weekend at some point. I've got some writing happening again and I'm feeling a bit better at the moment. Much love to you all, I hope you enjoy the new chapters coming!**_


	29. Take a Space Ride

29 : Take a space ride with an Asgardian Cowboy

* * *

Sid had pretty much mowed down Steve and Bucky to get to the elevator. Despite her insistent tapping and repetitive _come-on_ s Jarvis waited for them to catch up before starting their ascent. She was bobbing up and down on her toes so rapidly that Bucky had to reach out and put a steady hand on her shoulder. Even though he could still feel her vibrating down to her bones, she just smiled over her shoulder at him like she just brushed her teeth with sunshine.

Arriving in the debrief room was a new experience for Sid. Aside from squatting in Avengers Tower, she did her damned best to keep away from official business. Most of her attention was diverted anyway, trying to re-educate Bucky now that she had unlimited resources, being a confidant to Steve, and trying to maintain some sort of connection to the homeless mutants of New York though their refuge was destroyed. That tiny fact still seemed to make her heart stutter when she thought about it.

The room they entered knocked Sid out of her thoughts. Since it was designed by Tony, it looked like a cooler replica of every evil villain office from every bond movie, with a dash of porn set thrown in for flare. She couldn't help a small scoff when she walked in and saw the rest of the Avengers gathered at the head of an oblong table, greeting a man draped in an actual cape who towered over them with the purest smile she had ever seen on his lips.

She halted her excited steps when her nerves finally hit her. She didn't realize how closely Steve and Bucky were following behind until they bumped into her back, and being two human freight trains, sent her sprawling half-onto the table with a thud. She groaned softly as the room was doused in awkward silence while Bucky and Steve both clamored to help her stand.

When she straightened, Thor was standing in front of her with a large grin on his face. "You are new and since you don't have the metal arm, I am to assume you are the conundrum that has Tony and Bruce so puzzled." He stretched out an arm in greeting and Sid slowly lifted her hand and placed it in his massive grip. He shook her hand once, tight, but not uncomfortable, "It is most honorable to meet you, friend of Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes."

"Wow." Was all she could come up with. Steve chuckled behind her, understanding completely.

Thor's grin widened in gorgeous ease, "It is I who should be in awe, Lady —?" Thor lead her.

Sid jumped as her brain finally caught up with the conversation, "Uh, Sid! Just Sid is fine."

He seemed amused as he eyed her up and down with an innocent thoughtfulness, "Sid, then. I have a friend who may admire you greatly." Sid blushed wildly while Thor shook her hand again and finally let go. "I hear that your strength and powers have even Bruce and Tony perplexed as to their origin."

"That's correct." She grinned a little sheepishly.

"I look forward to discussing it in great detail, but I hope you will forgive me while I greet my greatly missed shield-brother." Thor grinned widely and glanced over her head to look at Steve.

Sid looked over her shoulder and realized the type of sandwich Steve, her, and Thor formed and felt her entire body heat up, "Oh! Yeah!" She jittered, slipping from between them with a forced frantic peppiness, "Duh…" She joked, all in all completely flustered as she went to lean against Bucky, who only watched on with a very slight, amused grin at her unease. She noticed his smug grin and she tsked at him with an annoyed glare before gazing back up at Thor in wonder.

"It is a great blessing to see you again my Captain." Thor embraced Steve solidly and they held on for a few moments while they spoke. Thor leaned in to whisper, "I am most gratified that you have found your brother."

Steve nodded into Thor's shoulder, "It's great to see you, Thor. I missed you."

They patted each other on the back for a few solid beats now that emotions were exchanged and then finally separated. Thor gripped Steve's shoulders in his massive hands and shook him with a small delight, "Now please, introduce me properly to your most exalted companion."

Steve flushed slightly at Thor's wording and cleared his throat, "Thor Odinson, this is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes."

Thor turned to Bucky and reached out a slow hand with kind words on his lips, "It is a great honor." Thor's face seemed serious but his voice was impassioned, "I know what it is to battle darkness, brother. I say this not to distract from your pain, but so that you know and understand how dearly we hold you within our ranks. We have all lost loved ones here and even the smallest chance to have them back again…" Thor's voice wavered slightly and Bucky swallowed heavily. Sid was already holding back tears as Thor continued, "You cannot and will not be held responsible for deeds committed without your consent. From what I have read of your tales with our Captain, I know you to be an honorable man. I trust that you will find yourself again, whoever you so choose to be."

The weight of his words seemed to cut off Bucky's air and everyone in the room went still with sentiments they all felt at their core.

Thor didn't seem to notice the overwhelming affect of his words as he continued, his voice stern as opposed to soft and he reached his arm only slightly further towards Bucky, cautious and patient, "Know this, esteemed Sergeant Barnes, your honor and your name was kept forthright by our Captain and will be kept so by yourself after this day. The darkness will pass, my new friend, and know that we will be here, no matter the struggle."

Steve was gaping at Thor with tears in his eyes and those heady words on his lips. Everything he wanted to say came from Thor and it simultaneously gutted him and eased his spirit. He stared at Bucky who was blinking at Thor, his eyes widened in utter disbelief as his brain processed the words.

Bucky reached out his hand and clasped Thor's arm, gripping wrists in a warrior's lock, "Thanks." He muttered softly and they shook once.

After Thor and Bucky let go of each other, Tony piped up, "Well, if I knew reading you some Shakespeare would have made you fall in love with me, I'd have done it sooner."

"Tony…" Steve lamented and Sid just sniffled through her giggles with the rest of the room's chortle.

"Come now," Thor turned and pulled Sid under his arm in a brotherly way and announced to the room, "tell me what you've discovered and I will do my best to aid you."

Everyone gathered at the table and sat down. Natasha and Clint started with discovering Bucky in the tunnels. They walked Thor through the same process they walked Steve through. Sid picked up next, talking about how she ran into Bucky and kept a disaster from happening. She discussed very briefly how they became close over the next few weeks and they gained each other's trust. Steve then took over the story telling and he told Thor all about the search for Bucky and how he went to find them in the tunnels alone. The resulting battle was explained in explicit detail, with Sid filling in all the interesting bits from her perspective until they got to the part she couldn't really remember. Then came the long winded explanation of the tests conducted by Tony with all of the more pertinent bits added in by Bruce. When they were all finished and all the figures and paperwork were explained and examined, Thor sat back, staring at Sid, contemplative.

He pulled the figures to him again and examined them closely, "I have relatively remedial knowledge of the dated science of this realm, but I am familiar with enough to understand that the testing Bruce and Tony conducted will not be able to gauge your origins." He turned to Sid this time, concern on his features as the room held their collective breath, "I do however have great knowledge of my own people's composition and a decent grasp on that of humans and the other known realms — it is necessary for he who would be King to intimately know his people and his allied worlds." He finished casually. Nodding to Sid, "From what I understand of the information supplied by our friends, you are neither like them, like me, and so far, unlike any realm I know of."

Sid's eyes instantly watered at his words, a deep sense of loss echoing with the statement in her chest, though she did her best to smile politely. She swallowed heavily and looked at Steve sitting next to her, his face dropping in comprehension, "What does that mean?" She asked Steve a little lamely. She blinked at his non response and then turned back to Thor, "I d-don't understand."

"You look like humans do and it is very possible that you are from here, from this earth. Perhaps a mutation was so great in your genetic line that it somehow jumped generations of evolution to produce you and your gifts." Thor clarified, albeit a little lamely.

"Oh?" Sid gulped back her panic slightly. Steve reached out to hold her hand.

Thor continued when she calmed, "The instruments they use here are not as well known to me, but I believe, if you desire truth, that there are healers and what you call scientists from my home that might be able to aid you." He glanced at Steve who looked concerned and then back at a thoughtful Bruce and Tony, who seemed miffed at Thor's insult to his machinery, "There are histories and gathered lore that we have at our disposal that will cast a wider net for gathering information."

Sid nodded slowly, an edgy sort of panic and eagerness in her tone, "So, you'll take my results back to them and they'll what? Study them? Do they need samples? Do I have to have pieces of me flown across space to figure out who I am?"

Thor smiled softly and reached out a hand and placed it on her arm, "I realize this seems daunting and you must discern what you truly want. If you return to Asgard with me, we can consult the leading scholars —,"

"Wait, _what_?" Sid surged forward and her hand gripped Thor's arm, "I can _go_ to Asgard?"

" _She_ can go to Asgard?!" Tony almost shouted in disbelief.

Thor chuckled at Tony's impertinence, "Brother Stark, you must understand that invitations to my realm are not handed out lightly. Sid is a marvel of the cosmos and she has lent aid to our Captain and his friend when all was thought lost. You will get your turn." He faced Sid with a gentle smile, "I must admit you intrigue me as well. I'm curious to unravel the mystery of your beginnings."

Tony scoffed and flopped back into his seat with devastation and Bruce reached out a hand to rub his shoulder in a very gently mocking sympathy.

" _I_ can go to Asgard?" Sid grinned wide, absolutely stunned. "Me? In _space_?"

Tony mumbled bitterly, "Rub it in much?"

Thor ignored Tony's comment and nodded kindly to Sid. He was always amused by the reactions he garnered from those who did not know the true marvels of the universe. "I have a feeling that the scholars and the All-father would be interested in aiding you as well. We are charged with protecting the nine realms — that includes every being within them."

"Wait, wait, wait," Steve finally interrupted, waving his hands to stop Sid from continuing to speak, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Thor, are these measures even _safe_ for her?"

Thor nodded, smiling at Steve in understanding, "I promise you Steve that my Lady Jane has undergone similar studies when she encased the Aether. Your Sid will be safe."

"She's — not _my_ …" Steve interjected and finished weakly, glancing around at the faces watching him.

"Pft, yeah, I'm holding out for a real hero." Sid mocked Steve lovingly to get the focus off of his growing blush. "Right Bruce?"

Bruce choked on the coffee that he was sipping, "I'm sorry, what?"

Sid just winked at him exaggeratedly and Thor burst into a raucous laughter. He slapped Sid on the back and it rattled her bones down to the core. "I am most pleased to have met you Sid, I imagine with you and Sergeant Barnes, the Captain can hardly be displeased in being so busy."

Steve flushed fully red at the implication, clearing his throat slightly and picking at the table, "I-its not quite like that Thor."

Thor glanced between Sid, who grinned nervously, Steve, who blushed further, and Bucky, who was flickering his gaze between Sid and Steve in confusion, "Is it not?" Thor seemed perplexed for a moment and then waved off his comment, "I forget that earth is rooted in more antiquated notions." He shrugged through his chuckle and faced the rest of the room who was stifling their laughter, "I admit, my reason for coming was not just to aid our lovely friend Sid, but also to make merry with my friends."

"Oh man, I love you." Sid giggled and turned to Steve, "You've officially been replaced." Steve glowered and pinched the back of her arm.

Clint cleared his throat over Sid's squeal as he stood, "Buy me a drink first and you can merry me all night long." He wiggled his eyebrows at Thor who stood and cheered.

"Lady Darcy and Lady Jane will be arriving in a couple of hours to join our revelry." Thor grinned at his friends. "We shall feast then."

Tony stood, "You can't just show up and throw a feast at my house, man." He sounded truly bothered and Thor frowned deeply in remorse. "Not without telling me first so we can make it a _real_ shindig! Jarvis, call Pepper. Tell her we need a feast big enough for the Avengers."

"Should I call in the chefs sir?" Jarvis trilled.

Tony smiled wide, "Oh, brilliant plan! Everyone go get dolled up! We're going to have a fancy feast at the Industries' kitchen!"

Natasha stood slowly, "Cat food included Stark?"

"You wear that leopard print dress from my birthday a few years ago, I'll eat Fancy Feast off your Louboutin's." He smirked back at her.

"You know she wouldn't disgrace her feet with that crap." Clint replied testily. "She likes Steiger's more."

Natasha smiled darkly and ruffled Clint's hair, "That's why he's my favorite."

Everyone stood and started milling about while Sid stayed in her chair, wringing her hands a little as she stared at her lap. A lot of things were happening all at once. For one thing, she might be flying through space someday soon and find out she's some sort of weird undiscovered alien shape shifter; on the other hand, she totally didn't have anything to wear that was even remotely _fancy_. The worst part was, she wasn't sure which situation stressed her out more.

Someone sat next to her and Sid shifted, seeing Natasha with a stern frown on her face, "Shouldn't you be thrilled about your expedited astronaut status?"

Sid chuckled nervously, "It's a little terrifying…"

Natasha nodded, glancing up at Steve, Sam, Thor and Bucky who were chatting rather amicably, "That and the fact that Stark surprised you with a fancy party and nothing to wear?"

Sid nodded enthusiastically with dread clear on her features.

Natasha chuckled lightly, "Don't stress, come with me." She grabbed Sid's hand and they slipped from the room without anyone but Clint noticing — only because he and Natasha basically read minds. He followed them into the hallway only a few moments later.

"Where are we going?" Sid asked nervously as Natasha dragged her down a hallway with Clint bringing up the rear looking particularly spy-ey.

"Jarvis?" Natasha said as she tugged Sid along.

"The room is prepped with a few items Ms. Potts and I think will be suitable for your mission." He replied.

"Mission?" Sid squeaked as they hopped into the elevator. As they turned around, Steve and Bucky wandered out into the hallway, probably looking for Sid.

"Hey…" Steve muttered and it carried down the hall, sounding disappointed at being left out.

Bucky frowned heavily when he saw Natasha smirking back at him and he stalked forward few paces just to be tempestuous.

The doors slid home and the last things he saw were Natasha sending him a self-satisfied little wave while Sid panicked completely and Clint just laughed.

* * *

 _ **A/N Yisssssssssss ThoR**_

 _ **ONE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK.**_

 _ **Also #HeartEyes for Lmere, my beta.**_


	30. Like a G6

30 : Like a G6

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"Calm yourself." Natasha demanded as the elevator rose, "We're just going to help you out for dinner."

Sid frowned heavily, "How?" Then a cataclysmic revelation cast over her and she turned to Clint with a grimace, "Not shopping, right?"

Clint chuckled softly at Sid's discomfort, "Don't have quite enough time for that." Her unease faded quickly after that.

Natasha rose a slight eyebrow with her grin, "Next best thing though."

Sid gasped as the elevator opened up to Tony Stark and Pepper Potts' private residence. The room was expansive and resplendent. She had a hard time catching her breath as she stepped forward with Natasha and Clint, both heavily invested in their new mission.

"Pepper gave us access to her closets." Natasha guided Sid back into a very fancy looking bedroom that made her weak in the knees. This area looked much different from the rest of the Tower and Sid could tell that it was designed by Pepper instead of the rather gaudy Tony.

"Where is she?" Sid glanced around, her heart beating in her chest like canon fire. She had become friendly with Pepper over the last few months but this felt like a gross invasion of privacy.

"She's finishing up a board meeting at the ass end of the world somewhere." Clint chimed in and pulled out a shoe box sized bag and plopped it on the counter on the opposite side of the room. He popped it open and started organizing whatever was inside of it.

"She'll be here for the party." Natasha nodded and then her hands moved to unzip Sid's borrowed hoodie. Sid almost protested, but stopped herself when Natasha leveled her with a glare and yanked the zipper down with a grin. "Follow me." She commanded and Sid trailed her like a lost puppy.

"These are the items that Ms. Potts believed would be most suitable to Sid's personal style." Jarvis spoke as closet doors opened and a few items hung upon a retractable rail.

"Fricken' rad…" Sid murmured as she stepped up to the clothes and began investigating the hanging items that cost more than the entirety of her meager savings. "Holy shit…" Sid gasped as she fingered an item that still had a tag attached, "These are _new_ Jarvis! I can't use these."

"Ms. Potts insisted that I tell you that she has neither the grace or the ferocity to pull off these specific items. She believes you do." Jarvis insisted.

Sid smirked with tears welling in her eyes, "Tell her thanks, but she's also full of shit."

"I apologize, the second half of your transmission wasn't clear. Excuse me, I am being summoned." Jarvis plinked off hastily.

Natasha was already pulling out clothes and lining up items she thought would be worthwhile, so Sid just shrugged and padded over to Clint a little slack jawed. "And what exactly are you doing?"

Clint sat at a vanity, arranging sets of cosmetics and adjusting the lighting to his specifications. He squinted at a lightbulb he thought was shining oddly and answered Sid halfheartedly, "I'm setting up the beautification station."

Sid snorted, "Really?"

"Maquillage Triage?" He tried again with a smug smile.

"Better." Sid nodded and sat on the nearby stool. She finally inspected the setting and saw a bunch of make up that all suited her coloring. "Wait a minute, this is for me?"

Clint nodded, examining the tip of a tube of liquid eyeliner like an arrowhead, "Correct."

Sid blanched, "How did you know — ? Why —?"

Clint glanced at her with an odd stare. He turned slowly, looking slightly concerned, as if she were missing the most obvious of points, "I'm a spy, how not? And because there's no reason not to."

Sid scoffed, "Money —,"

"— Is a joke to us." Natasha finished for her from the closet.

Clint chuckled as he gazed after Natasha with a furious love in his eyes. He faced Sid again with a soft smile, "Most of us, aside from Stark, started with nothing. We know how important it is to get help when you need it."

Sid shrugged exaggeratedly, trying not to cry at their outright kindness, "All of this…" She waved her hands at the clothes and the make up, emotion choking in her throat, "I mean, you guys give me food and shelter and I try to clean and replace things as I go… This isn't like that."

Natasha approached her slowly and placed a gentle hand on her bare shoulder, "No, it isn't." She rounded on Sid and faced her, her features softer than Sid had ever seen before, "This isn't about fulfilling a necessity — which is all you ever ask for, by the way — this is about having a decent time with friends."

"But —,"

"We know: you don't need this, you never asked, and you feel guilty about the idea that you even remotely insinuated it." Clint finished for her again and she was so surprised by the accuracy of his statement, she shut her mouth and stared at him in shock.

"Look," Natasha began again, "all of us have been witness to what you are doing for Steve and — Bucky." The pause was almost imperceptible, but Sid could feel the shift in her mood.

"They're my friends…" Sid admitted lamely as she wiped at her eyes.

"And you are ours." Natasha emphasized this by placing a hand in Sid's. "You are surprisingly easy to like."

Sid chuckled softly, sniffling back a sob, "Thanks, you aren't so bad yourself."

Natasha straightened and the iron curtain of her control fell into place in the form of a smart grin, "Liar." She returned to the closet and began her digging again.

"Now quit the tears, it'll make your eyes all puffy and that will make my eye-work look shoddy." Clint commented warmly as he handed her some tissues from the table. "My eye-work is _not_ shoddy." He insisted crossly.

Sid blew her nose and glanced at Clint, "Eye work?"

"Clint does make up." Natasha added and Sid glanced at Clint in surprise.

"Really?" Sid asked, taking him in once again. Master archer, brilliant strategist, with steady hands to boot. It probably worked wonderfully.

"I do Nat's make up all the time." Clint shrugged as he finished up with arranging the eye shadows.

"No shit…" Sid chuckled and then leaned in, "Teach me your ways."

Clint smirked, "With a bow or brush?"

Sid laughed and sat back, "Both, I guess."

Clint nodded, obviously pleased with her answer, "Very good young padawan. We will start with the basics. First, you bathe." He shooed her to her feet and guided her into the bathroom where towels and a robe were laying out and a bathtub was full and bubbling.

She gasped slightly at the sight of the gorgeous bathroom and began tearing off her clothes with Clint's amused chuckle as a soundtrack. Once she immersed herself in the water she glanced back at Clint who was leaning on the wall and shaking his head at the floor.

"I think you're the first person I haven't shocked by how comfortably I strip in front of them." She eased back into the hot water and felt her entire body relax.

Clint shrugged, "I've seen scarier things."

Sid flicked a finger sized blip of water at Clint across the room and he failed to dodge it. "Jerk."

"Bitch." He spat back good naturedly and then left the room.

She laid back in the gigantic tub and let the water encompass her. The heat was beyond soothing and she felt as if the entire tub was alight with a powerful energy. She let it bathe her, figuratively and literally.

She took her time washing her hair with expensive products and combing through to the ends with something that made even her thick hair feel like silk. How she'd ever go back to Steve's bathroom with its 3-in-1 brick of body wash, shampoo, and conditioner, she didn't know, but for the moment, she sunk just a little bit deeper and let the heat and the love of friendship warm her to her core.

Jarvis was kind enough to pump some music into the bathroom while she finished her bath, probably soaking for about a half an hour, leaving her skin glistening and glowing from the added oils and other fancy things in the water.

Natasha came in to rouse her, apologizing about Clint's weird thing about seeing everyone he knows naked because "it could be important." Sid just shrugged it off, laughing about Clint's peculiar quirks as she stood from the water and let Natasha help her dry off.

"You seem to know how to pamper someone. Do it a lot?" Sid smiled at Natasha who was squeezing out her hair in a plush towel.

Natasha grinned a little bitterly, "Not as often as you'd think." A sober tone flooded her voice and Sid could feel the sadness emanating from her, "I had sisters once."

Sid frowned heavily, turning to Natasha, "I'm sorry you lost them." Natasha gave a curt nod and the topic was done. Sid turned back to patting her face and then went to work on another chunk of hair, "You know my hair is more often wayward than not. Can Clint fix that too?"

Natasha smirked, "He's quite good with his hands, but I'm better."

Sid grinned wide and laughed as they finished up in the bathroom. They walked out to the main bedroom, the vanity light shining like a beacon as they made their way towards it. Sid was mesmerized, feeling like a bug in a trap. Clint was standing ominously to the side with his arms crossed firmly over his chest and an omnipotent smile on his lips.

First started the barrage of trying on all types different clothing. There were dresses and skirts that Sid tried on with little hope — she'd never pulled off something like that before and she was a little hesitant to jump from street rat to starlet. Eventually they did find a pair of black high waisted fitted slacks with a three inch satin cuff at the shin that appeased Sid's insecurity and Natasha's desire to glam it up. On her torso, she opted for a salmon colored half shirt that wrapped around her slim frame in an alluring but classy way, exposing her strong shoulders, a small peek of the valley between her breasts, and a triangle of skin left exposed where the shirt met the pants. Covering that was a tailored black jacket that fell nicely at her hips. Natasha shoved a pair of fancy looking strappy shoes with a convex heel at Sid who just shrugged and slipped them on — with a little assistance because of all the damned straps.

With all that decided, they pulled off Sid's clothes with a ruthless efficiency, leaving her in new-borrowed-undergarments and wrapped her back into the plush robe. Clint sat her down and started work on her face while Natasha played with her hair. She sort of existed in this odd state of stasis as they primed and pampered her, affectionately discussing the current going ons and Sid's venture into space.

When they officially declared her done, they commanded her to dress and then courted her off to their room so they could also get ready for the unplanned event. Clint cleaned up nicely in a button down shirt and slacks — evidently there was a limit to how much he primed and pampered himself.

His attention wasn't nearly as limited when he assisted Natasha. Sid almost felt bashful as she watched them move together in a silent symphony. They were oddly affectionate, showing their care in simple touches that held a world of meaning. Clint fingered Natasha's hair as he helped her style it. Natasha would smooth the lines of his shirt and shift his belt buckle so it would sit in the middle of his waist. His thumb would brush over her lips in a scant moment of intimacy before he lined and filled them with her favorite blood red lipstick. Natasha helped Clint apply his cologne (Natasha's favorite). It was all so maddeningly innocent.

When they were standing in front of her, looking specifically like movie stars in their proper dress, Sid exhaled heavily and stood to join them in their last preparations before dinner.

She'd carefully avoided paying much attention to herself in the mirror as she watched them, not nearly used to being dressed as such. The last time she wore make up sober and willingly might have been more than ten years previous. She stepped in front of the mirror, towering over Natasha and even a little bit over Clint because of the heels.

The surprise she felt when she took in this version of herself in the mirror pulled the breath from her lungs. The outfit gave her clean lines and accentuated her covertly bland little figure into something enticing. Her make up was stunning and dramatic, giving her a look that was drastically different and fun to experience. Clint had lined her eyes with a relatively thick curve and a sharp wing, a very softly shimmering powder illuminated her inner eye and a matte black color curved along the outer edge of her lid. The contrast made her eyes pop, giving her a very dramatic look that played to her tastes. Her lips were a deep red, like a kiss from pomegranates painted the skin there and left a glossy finish.

"You're not exactly a hard canvass to work with." Clint admitted as Natasha handed him a tie and he rolled his eyes in response. Wrapping it around his neck with a grumble he added, "I've had more stubborn participants before."

Natasha hissed something affectionately in Russian as she adjusted the very flattering dress that was not of Tony's request, but Clint's. "You look great Sid." She eyed her friend seriously.

Sid nodded wordlessly, staring at them with wide, wet eyes.

"No crying." Clint urged as he fingered the botched knot of his tie.

With a sigh, Natasha intervened and helped him fix it. "I made sure it was waterproof."

Sid chuckled and swallowed back the emotions clawing at her insides. She only hiccuped a little bit as she tried to speak, "Thank you. I haven't been treated this way in…well, _ever_."

Natasha and Clint both leveled her with a stern look. "You're welcome, Sid." Natasha concluded before finishing Clint's tie. "We should get downstairs. Drinks will be starting soon."

Sid nodded and took one last glance in the mirror and traced a few fingers through her illustrious ink colored waves. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for facing all of her newfound friends in an outfit that was nowhere near her usual fare.

The journey down to the kitchen at Stark Industries was peaceful enough. Sid was doing her best not to pass out from nerves and Clint rubbed a soothing hand down her back to help.

When the doors opened, the room was full of Thor's booming laughter. Evidently the Norse god of Thunder's _fancy_ dress consisted something far more casual and earthy than what he arrived in. There was a lot less cape than she imagined and Sid wondered absently if she would be able to try it on later. She finally focused in on the crowd and decided the least of her worries had to do with what _others_ would think about her outfit. She forgot to contemplate handling the full force of the Avengers all dressed to the nines.

Tony looked remarkably sharp in one of his best suits, sipping on a glass of something brownish and standing next to Bruce, also decked out in a nice wool jacket with an open collared dress shirt beneath — ready to toss the jacket and roll up the sleeves if Science beckoned, no doubt. Sam was in a very well fitted sweater with an oxford beneath it, laughing it up with the others.

The last vestige of her calm evaporated when she saw Bucky and Steve. They turned to face her almost in unison, as if they noticed her presence at the same time. They both gazed at her for a moment in awe until Steve buttoned up his lip and walked over with a conflicted looking Bucky on his tail.

"You look amazing." Steve said as he approached, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. He pulled back and his face was flushed again, "I mean, you look good normally. I just mean … Well…"

Sid mashed a few fingers against his mouth to silence him, "I get it. You're no slouch yourself Captain Rogers."

He opened his arms and showcased the fitted navy suit that angled down his body in the exact right way. Sid shut her mouth to keep from drooling and nodded exaggeratedly with excited eyes, trying to play it up as a joke instead of facing the devastating truth of how fast she'd rip the damn thing off of him given the chance. She had to bite the inside of her cheek when Steve stepped to the side to showcase Bucky, "He even dressed up."

"You look downright sinful." Sid tried to joke, but the truth was blatant on her lips.

Bucky stepped forward with a slight grimace as Sid took him in with a grin. He was wearing a full black suit and tie that made him look ominous and delectable at the same time. His face was freshly shaved instead of hacked down to something tolerable and his hair was clean and slicked out of his face, a few tendrils fought to fall across his cheekbones, but so far they stayed put.

"You guys look amazing." Sid grinned and placed one hand on each of their shoulders. The connection lit a spark between them, standing too closely, staring at one another and barely sharing oxygen as they struggled to breathe in the thickness of the moment. Both men hesitated before raising a hand to rest it on top of one of hers. Steve rubbed her knuckles absently as he smiled softly. Bucky intertwined his fingers with hers as much as he could, flashing a moment of sincere thanks in his timid smile.

"So do you." They both responded and the three of them shared a tempered moment, holding onto each other and feeling whole.

The beauty of the moment was lost when the doors to the Industry's kitchen banged open and a curvaceous little brunette stalked in like hell on heels. She dropped her jacket off of her back with a sultry grin as everyone eyed her carefully.

Sid felt saliva pool in her mouth as her eyes trailed along a dangerous set of curves and then evaporate at the devastating beauty of the woman before her. The once gentle hand on Steve and Bucky's shoulders fisted into their jackets with a weakly controlled burst of desire and they both flinched at her grip.

Another woman, slimmer and quite a bit more bouncy trailed behind her with stars in her eyes as she gazed around and then zeroed in on Thor.

"All right bitches," Sid's new soulmate spoke with the devil in her gaze and desire unfurling on her tongue, "Darcy Lewis is in the house and shit's about to get fucked up."

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **DID OU SEE CIVIL WAR OMFGSJKLDSAJLKHDUEHFJKDJKLSDHJFKDLJDLSAJOEHUCHDSA...Jesus shit...**_


	31. Breaking me, like waves on the shore

_31 : Breaking me, like waves on the shore_

* * *

Hours after dinner and discussion, greased by a multitude of drinks from Earth and beyond, the Avengers & Co. were littered around the common room, in varying stages of spirited discussion.

Sam leaned against the bar, chatting it up with Tony and Pepper. Bruce was talking with Jane and Thor with a lot of impassioned words and wild hand gestures — a debate about Science, no doubt. Darcy, Steve, Bucky, and Sid were in the kitchen snacking before returning to their previous conversations.

"So, you're like another alien?" Darcy murmured around her sandwich while Steve and Bucky chatted about the junk food on the table.

"Maybe?" Sid popped a cheese puff in her mouth. She had lost the heels ages ago, but she stood almost eye to eye with Darcy in hers. In the light haze of their intoxication they chewed slowly in thought as they appraised each other. Their eyes met and Sid narrowed hers at Darcy who gave her predatory glare right back. "You're a terrific height." Sid observed her with a scathing fondness.

Darcy blushed only slightly, but took the compliment in with an amused grin, "So are you." They both relaxed, acknowledging one another and their greatness. "It's surprisingly difficult to find people you can wear heels and look good with."

"Right?" Sid chuckled, their conversation picking up as they fed off each other, "I mean it's hell enough when guys tower over you, add to it a snug little dress and balancing on chop sticks, you may as well just fly as well as run."

Darcy leaned back against the counter with a grin, flashing a glance between Sid and the boys, "I tend not to have that issue too often."

Sid nodded, curious, "How so?"

Darcy reached into the clutch on the counter and whipped out an impressive, gleaming piece of technology that gave Sid the gimmies. Darcy stared at it almost erotically and Sid beamed with an eager need to know this girl better. Darcy's voice was rich as she spoke, handing over the sleek metal tube, "I'm a big proponent of leveling the playing field."

Sid grinned wide as she palmed the taser, "I think I'm gonna like you."

"Likewise Leggy." Darcy grinned when Sid handed it back over delicately, "It was Sid, right?"

Sid leaned onto the counter and grinned, "Yeah. Darcy?"

Darcy nodded regally and then pawed Sid's body with her eyes, "I don't see you needing to level things that often."

Sid nodded and nibbled a few more bits of junk food while she shrugged, "Nah, not really. Most people aren't built like gods and titans." She remarked bitterly, "Now it's more of a berth problem with those two." She nodded towards Steve and Bucky who caught her words. "Stand them shoulder to shoulder, its like the Walls of _Bro_ balon"

Darcy laughed heartily, "No, no, the An _dudes_ Mountains _"_

"The _Homie_ layas." Sid fired back.

"Transantar _dicks_ Mountains."

"Sacsayhua _males_."

"The _Bro_ lin Wall."

The gentlemen cleared their throats and the girls turned with proud grins on their faces.

"Yeah," Darcy finally said, lifting her fingers to flit about the boys' shoulder lines as they stood next to each other, glaring, "I see what you mean." She nodded thoughtfully to Sid.

Sid sputtered out a laugh at Steve's and Bucky's unamused scowls. "Oh boys, lighten up."

"Yeah, have a drink…or, you know, twelve." Darcy sipped on her straw with a grin as she eyed them up and down, "Make inebriated decisions."

A blush rose on Steve's stern scowl, which seemed more of a gag than anything, and Bucky couldn't help the small hitch in his lip.

"Either way, you guys are way behind on the fun." Sid giggled.

Steve finally broke his scowl to level her with an impertinent stare, "We can't get drunk."

"Yeah, on regular booze probably." Sid chuckled, "Darcy said Thor brought a few bottles of Asgardian Mead."

Bucky's and Steve's frowns returned.

Darcy laughed, "Don't tell me Thor never shared with you?"

Steve shook his head, "What makes you think it'd even work on us?"

Darcy gaped and then a curious sort of smile spread on her crimson lips, "I got the Norse god of thunder to sing Taylor Swift with me." She pulled out her phone and flipped to something quickly, showing them a grainy video of her and Thor singing _Love Story_ , " _Trust_ _me_ , it'll work on you."

Steve blanched and his gaze bounced between Sid and Darcy, looking like a devil and an angel tempting him — the worrisome part was figuring out who was who.

A second later a chuckle rose in his throat and he closed his eyes focusing in on the random memory that popped in his mind, "Geez, I haven't been drunk since that last time in Manhattan Buck. We met those dames —," his smile faded with the memory as he glanced at Bucky who was staring back at him with strained eyes. Steve felt the entire world slip out from under him. He tried to stammer out an apology for something that really deserved so much more.

Bucky shook his head while he chewed on his cheek, his shoulders and jaw tensed, like he was ready to bolt.

"Hey…" Sid stepped forward and tried to lay her hand on Bucky, but he shrugged it off with a grimace.

"I'm tired." Bucky said a little weakly, his voice going stale. Steve tried to step forward but Sid shook her head at him discreetly.

Sid stepped back, allowing Bucky his space and she nodded in understanding, "Can I check on you later?"

He was already turning away from them as he nodded, pushing past Steve with a moment of hesitance.

Sid could feel the oppressive weight of Steve's guilt from two feet away. His entire body stiffened as he watched Bucky go and Sid felt her guts twist up in desperation. She glanced at her new friend Darcy and she nodded back to Sid with a modicum of understanding. Gulping back her nervousness, Sid stepped forward and placed a very gentle hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Steve?" She asked quietly, knowing he would hear her despite the party raging on around them.

His voice was hoarse as he turned back to face Sid, blinking away his despair, "Yeah?" He swallowed heavily and then squinted at her, focusing on trying to shift away the welling tears in his eyes. He adopted a stance of nonchalance that would be believable if she didn't just witness their tense interaction.

"Wanna go for a walk?" She smiled up at him carefully.

He shrugged slightly and something slipped behind that careful exterior before he was grinning again, "Nah, I'm good."

Darcy piped up from behind, "I'm gonna go see a man about space liquor." She walked off hastily, giving them some privacy.

"Steve…" Sid tried her move her hand to his chest but he caught it.

"Not here, not now." His voice was stern and it made Sid flinch.

She nodded softly and pulled her hand away, slowly turning back towards the counter laden with food. She picked at it absently, feeling the waves of Steve's internal revulsion crashing against her back like a hailstorm.

The silence stretched on until Darcy came back with two shots in hand and a tumbler half full of something rich and the color of sunlight strained through amber. She sat the glasses down on the countertop with a grin and pushed the single glass towards Steve saving the others for her and Sid.

"Drown the sadness, it helps for a few hours." Darcy grinned a little sadly at Steve. He reached out and grabbed it, tossing back the drink in a single gulp as Darcy tried to shout at him, " _It's for sipping_!"

Sid just sort of half giggled at the slight horror on Steve's face and swiped her own shot. She raised it to Steve and then gulped it down with a grimace. "Oh Captain, we're gonna have fun tonight!"

Darcy laughed as she raised her own glass in hand, "Darcy Lewis: The woman who got Captain America wasted. Bow down to me everyone, I'm corrupting a national treasure." She took the shot without missing a beat and sighed, bowing to her pretend subjects.

Steve just smiled weakly as he stared down at the empty glass, the slight curve of his lips fully tinged with worry.

The party continued on after that. Darcy, now teetering on her heels, constantly circled Steve, who was conversing with the other boys and Natasha, laying in drunken wait for the moment the booze started hitting him so she could tape it. Sid was chatting with Pepper and Jane after some cursory introductions. They were discussing random topics and getting to know one another between Darcy's disappearances to go do a drunken sweep.

Sid was surprised that she didn't really notice anything different in Steve's behavior. He was in the group, discussing whatever super heroes discussed, paying attention and chuckling along, listening to his friends' stories and jokes. She didn't even see a cloud of panic in his eyes. If not for Bucky's rapid disappearance, she wouldn't have thought anything of him.

However, she _was_ worried. She knew the drastic self-flagellation he could put himself through. If his system processed this like everything else, it's very likely that he could come crashing down rather quickly.

After an involved discussion with Pepper about Stark Industries' charity work, Sid noticed Steve excuse himself to go to the restroom. When he disappeared down a dim hallway, tilting slightly as he turned the corner, she made her excuses and followed him.

As she padded down the hallway, darkness getting thicker with each slow step, she whispered to Jarvis, "Can I get some lights in here? I don't feel like peeing myself in terror today."

"You'll have to forgive me, but —,"

There was a soft groan down the hall and it made Sid squeak. "I asked him not to." The voice was slightly garbled.

Sid jogged forwards a little bit and found Steve leaning up against the wall with his eyes shut tight and his head titled back. She went to speak, but words spurted out of his lips before she even stopped moving, "You gotta get me out of here." He brought his head forward lazily, like he couldn't control the muscles. His eyes were hooded and blinking at different rates with an exhaustion that was palpable. He wiped a heavy hand down his features and it seemed to spring a little life back into him. "I can't —," he looked down the hallway, back towards the room full of life and merriment, "I just can't keep it up anymore."

Sid nodded and stepped forward as Steve straightened, rubbing at his eyes and grimacing. Sid got under his arm, praying that he could keep it together long enough for her to get him into the elevator.

"Jarvis?" Sid asked softly as Steve leaned into her. She wasn't sure she'd make it very far.

"Third door on the left will take you to an emergency elevator that can take you directly to Captain Rogers' floor." Jarvis replied.

"No…" Steve grumbled, "Not our floor." He shook his head tiredly and wavered, "Not yet."

"Gym?" Sid tried, grunting in exertion. Steve nodded exaggeratedly, his frown lines deep. "Gym." She confirmed to Jarvis as they tumbled into the elevator with Sid pinning Steve up against the wall until he got his feet under him.

"M'sorry." Steve mumbled as he steadied himself against the wall.

"It's okay Steve." Sid smiled as she adjusted herself, "Not too long ago, you had to drag my ass out of an alley in much worse condition."

Steve chuckled. "At least I'm fully dressed." He teased.

Sid laughed, blatantly sarcastic, as the elevator moved, "I was _also_ fully dressed, there was just not much of it."

He was squinting his eyes as he glanced at her, the lights seeming to pull him back to coherency, "You look better tonight. Happy."

Sid chuckled softly as she curtsied, "Thank you and you're right, I am feeling pretty good about things."

The elevator doors opened and Steve made a motion for Sid to exit first, looking like the gentleman he was. She pushed off the wall and took a few steps when she heard Steve murmur, "Even with me?"

Sid turned back slowly to see Steve standing at the mouth of the elevator with his hands in his pockets, swaying gently with lambasting of deep thoughts. He wouldn't look at her and she wasn't quite sure he said it out loud.

"Of course with you." She jetted forwards and wrapped her arms around his body, squeezing tightly, nuzzling her nose into the crook of his neck as they swayed together.

"I'm barely happy with me." Steve admitted softly.

Sid snorted out a sad laugh, "Then I'll love you enough for the both of us."

He hugged her back slowly. After they held one another for a minute or two, Steve sighed heavily. Pulling back to watch her reaction guardedly, he asked, "Will you?"

Sid smiled back at him as she gazed at the pining eyes she knew she reflected, unsure of the question and incredibly unclear on the answer. His lids seemed heavier now, but with purpose, and his pupils were blown wide as his gaze flickered to her lips. Sid couldn't help but watch the tip of his tongue peak out to catch that full bottom lip before tugging it between his teeth, insinuating something sinful working in that glorious mind of his.

Sid felt her entire gut broil and her panic showed as she pulled away with a nervous smile, muttering, "I'm gonna go get you some water."

As she walked away, hastily, Steve reached after her and missed. He blurted out an apologetic, "Sid…" But she couldn't quite turn around. Despite the desperation in his voice, everything he meant to her, everything Bucky meant to her, would be ruined if she faced him now. If she turned around she'd look at his mouth and gaze into those hooded eyes and that hands off notion she had towards her desire would go down in a blaze of glory.

" _Shit!"_ She heard Steve's vehement curse and it surprised her so much she jumped back around to face him, catching his last movements as he lashed out.

With a growl on his lips, his fist collided with the metal wall near the elevator, causing it to buckle with a sharp enough clang that it muted Sid's scream of protest. Blood spattered against the dented alloy with the force of his bone colliding with the wall and it looked like Steve barely even noticed.

He pulled back slowly, his breaths coming in heaving bouts, forcing its way through his clenched teeth. His hair was in disarray as he stood to his full height, his shoulders tense and his face a mask of calculated rage. He flexed his bloody fist, grimacing only slightly at the pain it caused and Sid ran at him with horror in her eyes.

"Steve!" She shouted as she reached for him, her voice shaking and terrified.

Steve wanted to get away from her, he never wanted her to be yet another victim to his lack of control. It was always his poor planning, his ignorant heart, and his blasted hope that kept getting him into trouble. Since the second they met, she was in danger and his continued presence in her life was only causing more devastation. He shouldn't have used her to get to Bucky. He shouldn't have abused the constant stream of unconditional love she supplied. He was starved in this new life, with everything he ever cared for gone in the time it took for him to take his last breath in the ice and Bucky's condition only sharpened that bitter loss. He was constantly failing the people he cared about because he always fell just short of perfection. He ran his uninjured hand through his hair as tears pooled in his eyes, hasty breaths coming and going through quaking lungs. He felt like the entire world was crumbling around him.

Sid stepped forward as he tried to turn and she gripped the side of his neck to make him face her. She leveled him with a stern stare, trying to ground him, her eyes pulling in his unfocused gaze. Her voice smoothed out a foundation against his mania, "Are you all right?"

His eyes almost glazed over in shock when he felt her thumb brush against his jaw and his world went razor sharp. He thought she'd reprimand him, hell he _wanted_ her to. All he had done was pull her into a sick game where everything could always go wrong. And instead of screaming at him for his idiocy and his selfishness, she was shaking in front of him with tears in her eyes and looking so damned _concerned_. He shook his head again and pulled away from that ethereal touch.

"How can you do that?" Steve asked as he stumbled away, blood still dripping from his hand and going mostly unnoticed. He refused to look at her.

Feeling the sting of his rejection, Sid retreated to the nearest fridge and just pulled out a handful of energy bars and a couple bottles of water.

She came back, trying to look non plussed as she set down the cache of food and water along with a first aid kit. "Do what?" She finally spoke, her voice impersonal.

He looked at her finally, kneeling on the floor in her thousand dollar outfit, looking ten times as good, and organizing a menial little picnic for him in his disastrous state. She astounded him sometimes and right now he felt like her decency was almost out of control.

"Care so much." He muttered thoughtlessly as he lowered himself to the ground and grabbed an energy bar, ripping it open with his teeth to get at the meal inside. He had it down in about two bites and he drained two bottles of water before Sid could formulate an answer.

"Are you asking as the man who is brutally abusing himself over an honest mistake or the man who just eye fucked my mouth?" She leveled him with the kind of humored glare that did little to shield her unease.

He tried to gulp down that desire he'd been fighting against, but his mouth didn't quite catch up, "Both?"

Sid chuckled darkly, "You're lucky I'm mostly sober Rogers, I'd teach you a lesson or two about how to proposition a person." She scooted closer to hand him another bar before she pulled over the first aid kit. "Which you should never do drunkenly, by the way. Humans are weak, _I_ am weak, lowered inhibitions and raging hormones do not make good bed brothers. I mean they can make _great_ bed brothers, but usually ill advised." She rambled as she tugged on his jacket and helped him remove it, his shoulder slightly sore from the shockwave that swept up his arm when he struck the wall.

They were infinitely close and Sid did her best to pull back on that surge of need she'd felt since their entangled morning; the stealthy tendrils of fondness were attempting to sneak through too, but she'd have none of that.

Sid hovered in front of him while she helped him remove his jacket. The alcohol from Thor had done much more than lower his inhibitions, he was at a point where he could barely think straight. His emotional state was a little too hectic for his own body, rolling through self-hatred and then suddenly electrified by her touch. It only aided in making him feel more soul-sick.

She adjusted slightly in her attempts to pull his jacket over his biceps, reaching further and grumbling in frustration. He didn't do much to aid her attempts to remove his jacket as he was too busy relishing in her proximity. She was almost in his lap, close enough to where a single inhale inspired in her very essence. The lingering scent was thick on his tongue and it made his head swim. He wanted nothing more to lap up her scent, her taste, and just get lost for days. She leaned in again with more mumbled curses, struggling over his elbow, trying not to hurt his arm, her bottom lip protruded in frustration and he was only a breath away from pressing his lips to hers.

He muttered thickly, "I don't think either of us are lucky not being completely sober right now."

She froze then, her eyes darting to his mouth in a flash of desire and panic.

He instantly realized his mistake. "You don't —," he blinked against the swimming thoughts in his mind as she tried to pull away. His arm darted around her, a distinct rip was heard but he didn't give a damn. She was pressed into him completely, though his main point had been to keep her close so they could talk, he realized it had only jarred her more.

Sighing heavily, he let her go and raised his arms up in surrender, which was a pitiful sight in his bloody and now torn jacket. Leveling her with every ounce of his sincerity, he spoke clearly, consciously, "I'd never cross that line Sid." His eyes looked sick at the mere idea of it as he spoke, "I'd never cross it without your permission…" Sid's stability in her retreated wavered as his gaze caressed her bottom lip before he shook his head and shifted back with a dark and quiet folly behind his eyes. The tenderness was now gone from his features with a death sentence on his lips, "But I can't stop thinking about it."

Sid shivered as the words rumbled in her chest. She cleared her throat, hoping the sound would do something to keep her from crawling further on top of him. Instead she sat back on her heels, leaving Steve in utter disarray, his heavy, poignant eyes gazing at her under thick lashes, and his mouth open in a sultry exhale that left him in looking less than satiated. She sighed heavily and then in a round about way tugged on the sleeve of his jacket. He snapped out of the indirectly sensual daze and removed the rest of his jacket as if the moment prior never happened.

She reached for his wounded arm and started rolling up the sleeve, letting her fingers brush against his solid forearm and the spark reignited. She closed her eyes and steeled herself towards him, the last thing anyone needed right now was emotions and hormones ruining things. Naturally, she deflected all complex feelings to answer his first question, "So you ask why I care?" She began with a shaky voice. She cleared her throat and continued with a succinct answer, "You."

Steve frowned at the response, hoping that it wasn't just his liquid impairment making that statement seem confusing. He was thankful when she continued.

" _You_ are why. You're a _good_ man." She emphasized. "So you made a mistake with Bucky? You've spent the last couple months doing wonderfully with him. Okay, you are conflicted about what you're feeling — well duh, you've got _a lot_ going on right now." She shrugged but wouldn't meet his eyes as she cleaned him up, reaching into the first aid kit, "You're a human being Steve, you got goddamn needs. You're also one of the most incredible people I've ever met. You bow down to no one, you stand for what's truly right, and you _believe_ in it too. It's not a show." She finally leveled him with a heavy gaze, the forgotten gauze and alcohol wipes resting in her hands. After a breathy moment of disbelief, she whispered, "That's _so_ rare."

She went back to bandaging his hand, trying to ignore the tragic sadness in his eyes. " _That's_ why I care. Because good people are like gold dust; ain't easy to find, but they're worth their weight. I think people deserve the chance to prove you right. They deserve to be cared for," she hazarded a glance and his face was rife with an emotional agony that made his lip quiver slightly, "even when all they'll ever do is take care of other people — _especially_ when they take care of other people."

Steve blanched slightly at her words, sadness welling deep in his chest as he blinked against the haze of his intoxication. It was difficult to hear those sorts of things from someone who saw him and not the shield first. Captain America was honorable. He was a force to be reckoned with. He was a beacon of hope and pride. Steve Rogers was a skinny kid from Brooklyn who couldn't stay out of trouble long enough to get a full breath in.

"You're just good." She continued softly, ripping his attention back from his inner turmoil. "Why shouldn't I care about a world that might have more of you in it?" She tied off his hand, fiddling with the gauze knot for a few moments as she tried to prolong the inevitable.

Sid didn't want to meet his eyes, she wasn't sure if she could handle how he would look at her. With such unadulterated emotion it would drive her mad. Sid was mostly witness to it in reference to Bucky, but she knew what that kind of gaze held. It dug deep into the skin, filling every scar and mark and dimple, entrusting its warmth to a vessel and just… _giving_. It was basically intolerable to feel that much goodness directed at herself.

She jumped slightly when Steve's hand crept up her shoulder, his fingers tangling into the tendrils of hair at the base of her head. She finally raised her eyes and mentally girded herself against the look on Steve's face. He stared at her for a few moments, assessing, absorbing, and cherishing. His frown indicated a level of frustration for what he felt: something so _right,_ yet inexplicable. He pulled her towards him and Sid didn't even fear that he'd press his mouth against hers despite how much they both wanted it. If Steve Rogers was anything, he was an honest man.

As she was transferred into his lap with great dexterity, he laid his head against her chest and _gripped_ her as his body shook with untold stress. She sucked in a deep breath to quell her dying heart and wrapped her arms around his body, allowing him just a fraction of time to let himself to _feel_.

She figured he deserved that much, with his general sensitivity and his most likely stunning mind pre-serum, his biological advancements probably went far further than just the physical. Everything about him ran more exceptionally, more directed, more efficient. His mind was probably a whirlwind and somehow he coped from day to day despite the constant flux of his thoughts. Sid could barely keep it together for a few hours without bursting into tears about something or other. Thinking about what Steve had gone through and trying to imagine the necessary compartmentalization made her brain ache.

She didn't know how long they sat there, wrapped together, but eventually his shaking breaths evened out.

She stroked gentle fingers through his hair until he calmed. His grip around her waist was almost to the point of pain, but she didn't want to disturb him if he was still processing. He seemed to be approaching a point where maybe he would feel all right and she figured he wasn't ready to speak yet, so she shifted gently to get more comfortable, but he didn't respond.

This was a surprise, because Steve was one of the most reactive people she'd ever met. When they bed-shared, if she moved even a little, she would feel him adjust behind her. He was always adapting to other people's movements and sometimes it was outright distracting. She shifted again, a little more noticeably this time, and he still didn't budge. She craned her neck a bit desperately but couldn't get a look at him burrowed into her chest, so she decided to twist her way free. The best she possibly could do with hundreds of pounds of man wrapped around her like ivy, was get about three inches of wiggle room.

She shifted her eyes down and was simultaneously furious and awed at the same time.

Steve was out cold.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **This story is absurd. I am absurd. But I love it so much. I know its not perfect at all, I know I'm not perfect, but I really enjoy this story. Thanks for sticking with me even though I'm half a mess. Super thanks to Lmere, who helps me make sense.**_


	32. You Find Someone to Carry You

_32 : You find someone to carry you…_

* * *

"Jarvis!" Sid rasped, a little too breathless as she looked up at the ceiling in desperation. "Help!" She tapped Steve gently on the shoulder but he only nuzzled closer into her chest and tightened his arms. With a minimal whine Sid tried to extricate herself, but she was having no such luck. "Please!" She rasped again. She was still a little tipsy and the heat from Steve's skin was maddening. Everything about him was big and hard and his hold was on edging on the painful side of comforting and assuring.

"I've sent Thor to assist you." Jarvis replied softly.

Sid sighed softly, trying to adjust her position to be a little more comfortable, "It had to be Thor? I just met him! This is a bad first impression…"

Jarvis seemed amused, "Thor is the only one who can help you move Mr. Rogers with the least amount of resistance. Bruce would need to transform, Tony would need his suit…"

"Sam would never be able to stop laughing." She griped and then wiggled petulantly, settling into Steve's hold while he slumbered away. "Anything I should be worried about when it comes to Bucky?"

Jarvis replied, "No, so far he has requested I monitor his vitals and alert you or Steve if an episode starts to develop."

Sid smiled softly and started playing with Steve's hair again, "He really included Steve in that list?"

"He did." Jarvis said and Sid heard a tone of empathetic woe.

She chuckled bitterly. Even Jarvis felt sorry for her. Soon, Bucky would find his comfort, maybe trust fully in Steve who could help him remember. They would get their happy ending eventually, she was sure of it. Sid was ecstatic for them, she _really_ was. There was nothing else she could _possibly_ think of that would be better than Bucky and Steve riding off into the sunset together. But it didn't mean that she couldn't feel sad for herself.

The doors to the gym popped open and Thor came strolling in with flushed cheeks and a delightful grin.

"Ah! Sid!" Thor spoke in a booming voice, as if her straddling Captain America and him being sleepily wrapped around her wasn't a very big deal at all. He leaned on the wall above her with a grin, "I see Steve imbibed a little too heartily tonight. Since he has not been drunk in something like a century, I imagine this was a shock to his system."

Sid chuckled lightly, idly twirling a finger through hair at the nape of Steve's neck, "You're telling me."

Thor sighed as he watched her. He knew that sort of gleaming behind her eyes. She gazed at Steve with overwhelming affection: treasuring him and cherishing him wholly. She held a lot of love for their Captain and his shield-mate, but it didn't seem to make her very happy.

"What ails you?" Thor questioned softly.

Sid looked up at him with a sad grin, "Well, being Steve's first origami project was not exactly how I thought my night would go."

Thor chuckled and knelt next to her, helping her unwrap from Steve's grip and settling him against the wall while Sid stumbled to her feat to stretch and groan.

As Thor dipped to pick Steve up, "I mean only to offer my friendship Sid, what ails you?"

As he flipped Steve over his shoulder with nary an effort, Sid blanched slightly and cleared her throat, hoping it was connected to her wavering focus for a jumpstart. "A lot ails me Thor." She admitted weakly.

"Come with me, we shall deposit Captain Rogers, check on his shield-brother, and then you and I shall speak."

They strolled into the elevator with Steve hanging like a big game carcass over Thor's massive shoulders. Sid leaned back to check on Steve a few times while the elevator rose. He was absolutely torched. His mouth hung open and his face was completely slack as gravity tugged it in an odd opposing direction. Sid spent a lot of restless nights with Steve and he was always _beautiful_ while he slept _,_ but he never really looked peaceful. She was surprised to see just how young he really looked when his face was fully relaxed. Everyone seemed to forget that Captain America was really no more than a kid when his life was inexorably changed.

While Thor put Steve in his bedroom, Sid walked over to Bucky's door with her normal steps. As she raised her fist to knock, the door clicked open and stayed that way. She tried not to smirk as she pushed through, a never-ending amusement in living with super-humans with their unusual sensory quirks.

Bucky was back in casual clothes, lying on his back with his arms folded behind his head, and staring at the blank ceiling.

"You know it's been a long time custom to hang your favorite pictures above your bed so you can stare at them as you fall asleep." Sid grinned and sat on the edge of his bed, refraining from touching him. "That or curious adolescents using it to —," She froze, her entire body stiff, "Why am I _always_ talking about sex!?"

Bucky snorted softly and lazily side-eyed her in a way that was as sensual as it was predatory, "How's he?" He ticked his chin towards the general direction of Steve's room.

Sid tried to hold in her grin, "Drunk as a skunk." She smiled and Bucky laughed a little sadly. "And he's hurting." She added softly and saw the lump in Bucky's throat bob. "You've both lost so much, I think you need to try and face it."

Bucky sat up slowly, gazing at her, investigating her features for a moment and Sid did her best not to betray herself, "Face it or face him?"

Sid glanced at him, "Both." She shrugged. "Sam would talk to you, he'd help you deal with everything you've been through. He's a professional, he helps soldiers who come back from wars, injured or soul-sick, he knows what to do to try and see them through it. It won't make anything disappear, but it can help."

"And him?" Bucky questioned softly, wondering how Steve was coping with their awkward entanglement.

"He's trying. I think it's safe to say all of us are completely out of our depth with the situation at hand, but he's trying so hard." Sid smiled softly, "He's talking about things more often. Sometimes he'll even talk to me, but he's been working with Sam for a while now. I think that's why it hurt so much tonight, he opened up, he lost control for a second, and now he thinks that he completely fucked up."

Bucky grimaced slightly with a sharp memory that was muddled visually, but emotionally visceral, "That sounds familiar."

Sid smiled at him and placed gentle hand on his thigh, "You should talk to him and I mean really, really talk." She tried to seem passive but the concern leaked through in her voice, "He's going to support you no matter what. If you want to figure out how to restore your memories or if you just want to burn Hydra to the ground and disappear, Steve will support you as long as you stay safe. He really cares about you as a human being — not just the memories of Bucky."

Bucky sat back at that, a little shocked, "How can you know? How do you know that he doesn't just want to try and wake the dead?"

Sid grinned softly, tired and sad over Bucky's almost endless practicality. When he got into this mode, he held no hope, no optimism, no pessimism, he was simply an observer and interpreter. He assessed and calculated and solved.

She looked up at him and there was a very fragile way to how he held himself. She tried to explain, "Because he'd do anything for anyone. I'm sure that he would love to have his best friend back, but you, he, and I all know that nothing will ever be the same. You guys need to figure out how you're going to be linked — because I don't think there's any splitting you up after this."

Bucky frowned, "Why would you say that?"

Sid chuckled at the absurdity of his statement, as if he couldn't see how they acted around on another. "You guys are locked like two galaxies collapsing on each other. Both of you are strong and _stubborn_ and in pain. Your moods mix like gases and dust and the result could be catastrophic, but it could also be _beautiful_. You guys need to give each other a chance. He _loves_ you, all of you." She insisted and Bucky was staring at her in wonder, "He just wants to make sure you are okay, he wants to take care of you."

Bucky sighed heavily, his breath rattling in his lungs, "I —,"

"I know…" Sid said quietly, "It's not my place to tell you how to feel or what to do and I'm really, really sorry for the outburst. Yes, he cares about _Bucky_. Probably Steve's love for him is why he's so protective of you. He knows his friend may well be gone, but that isn't stopping him from really trying to help _you_."

Bucky nodded softly, "I know that. I see it." He glanced at Sid who was rubbing a calming circle on his leg, "He scares me." Her head popped up at that and she looked at him curiously, "There's flashes, feelings, things that seem like they don't belong to me, but at the same time, they're just so… _right_." He stared down at his metal hand and flexed the grip, "I knew him." He whispered and then glanced at Sid, nodding shakily with tears in his eyes. "I _knew_ him." His voice broke.

Sid squeezed his leg and for the second time that night, large arms wound around her as Bucky pulled her in for a tight hug around her midsection. He hugged her exactly like Steve had and so she did what she thought was right and she ran her fingers through his thick locks while he quivered against her.

Swimming in lost memories, dashed hopes, and forgotten dreams was a treacherous death. Bucky never had many opportunities to dwell on anything up until a few months ago. Now there was about a hundred years of back logged emotional torment he had to sort through. It was odd when he flashed between the dulled memories of the Winter Soldier and the fuzzy, technicolor images of a skinny kid wrapped up in his arms on a cold night, shivering together under a tatty blanket. The memories would never really cross, a distinct difference in the visions of the The Winter Soldier, limited to a chilling monochrome and those of Steve, looking like something from an entirely different world. The only time he remembered color as the Winter Soldier was a flash of red hair, twirling in a pirouette. A jagged pain shot through his temple and he hissed, catching Sid's attention.

"You're doing really well." She insisted, "It doesn't matter if you decide to be Bucky or someone else or an amalgam of the two. You are who you are and Steve and I will love you no matter what."

"Even if I'm still the Winter Soldier?" His voice was tempered.

Sid nodded into the top of his head as she held him, "Especially if you're the Winter Soldier. Nobody gets to dictate who he is anymore." She hummed softly with a casual voice, "You could be a juggler, you could do event planning. You could take up electrical work and become the Winter Solderer."

She paused as he rumbled a bit of laughter into her chest and then her voice came out in a gravelly impression, " _In a world, where tyranny is rampant and the citizens are being trampled beneath the boot of injustice, there is a shining light._ " She paused to add stage direction in her normal voice, "This is where we pan up to a lone figure behind a welding helmet at a work desk with a soldering iron and it's sizzling and smoking." Then she shifted back to the comedic voice, " _One man stands alone to fight against the evil forces of Halide, the effluence of corrosion sucked from humanity itself_." She finished with a fist in the air, depicting the gravity of the moment.

Bucky simply laughed, "How can you know enough about soldering to actually make that many puns?"

Sid grinned as she squeezed his shoulders. "I have a gift."

"Of all time and space, you were given the cosmic power of the gods for making puns?" Bucky sounded unbelieving as he sat up, with Sid still entwined in his arms and lap.

Sid nodded, trying to keep her addled mind from focusing too much on Bucky's grip on her waist and the fact that he was inches from her face, his eyes wandering and assessing. She kept the levity in her voice, "You bet! It's pretty much the best power there is."

Bucky scoffed out an exhausted sounding laugh, "Well I guess I should be more respectful in the face of such great power."

Sid nodded her head, "Damn straight."

He chucked softly and there was a blush on his cheeks when he realized how tightly he still held her. He released her slowly, trying not to read into the dilation of her pupils or the thrumming of her pulse from the wrist on his metal shoulder.

"You should get some sleep." She mentioned a little more casually than necessary as she climbed off the bed. Dolly was waiting on the floor and Sid pat the mattress for her to jump up. She dutifully did so and snuggled into Bucky's side. His hand was tracing her skull and rubbing deep into the muscles of her neck as Sid got her feet under her. Looking back at the man who was once a murderous machine snuggling with a delightful little mutt brought a severe warmth to her heart. It only spiked further into dangerous territory when Bucky gazed back at her and leveled her with a very pure, sweet smile. Something that looked like it belonged on Steve's face.

"Goodnight." She muttered and it came out too husky for her liking.

"Goodnight Sid." He replied and she left swiftly to find Thor sitting on Steve's couch, running his fingers along the material and fiddling with some of the stuff on the coffee table.

Sid smiled as she closed Bucky's door and made her way around to sit with him.

"So, how's being an alien?" She started weakly, "You think I'll like it?"

Thor rumbled out a soft laughter, "I think you may." He grinned wide as he sat back on the couch, "I am not exactly concerned about your blood status, though. I do happen to be concerned with the affliction painted on your brow."

Sid blanched. For being portrayed as a bumbling tourist most days, Thor was wickedly bright and attentive. She guessed age brought him more than just experience. She hoped that she could be good and brave like him one day. She was merely a fetus compared to his years in the universe.

"I just…" She started without a verbal direction and had nowhere to go. "It hurts to see them in so much pain."

Thor nodded, though not quite believing her reasoning, "They are both warriors who have battled many demons, but so have you." Sid glanced at him, shocked by his smug grin, "I know a warrior when I see one."

Sid shook her head with a bitter laughter, "I'm not a warrior."

"That is a lie." He grinned a little wickedly.

"You just met me." Sid replied a little too harshly.

Thor nodded, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Correct, I have." His smile widened knowingly, "And yet, in the last few hours I've met you, I've seen you spreading smiles and affection throughout a group of people who _sorely_ need companionship."

"Steve and Bucky are just misplaced, they'll —,"

"I do not just mean Steve and Bucky." He insisted with a weary eye, "The weight of the world is heaviest for those who have the strength to lift it. We are all at a disadvantage in our own fear. Our power, our strength, it is weakened by liabilities and it makes it difficult to attach oneself. However you have charmed spies and titans and gods…" He eyed her carefully, "…You are an interesting force of good — especially for those men, but for others as well."

Sid stared at him blankly, her mouth popping open and shut, "I just — I just want to be a good friend."

Thor nodded, "Evidently you are. People here have entrusted you with their most intimate moments and that is unique. It is not often that we can show our weaknesses, but you have provided enough comfort for people to seek you out. You have a charisma, an aura. It's…" he stared at her carefully, "…Gravitational."

He shrugged off the weight of the moment, his daunting wisdom not lost on Sid as she stared at him in awe. He continued, "For this reason, your goodness, you deserve the truth." He cleared his throat a little shakily and Sid felt a drastic change in the momentum of the conversation, "Just don't let your truth define you. No matter how good or bad," he spoke with painful experience, "do not forget the goodness you have worked towards for so long. No single individual should be held to the expectations of those who claim ownership over their ancestry." His fists flexed as the words continued to flow, deep and remorseful as he settled watery eyes on hers, "Do not let the origins of your life dictate the remainder of it."

Sid's vision swam in the weight of his words. She was _terrified_ of the truth but she _needed_ to know. It was a sickening burden to carry such an uneven weight. She wanted to figure herself out so badly — it was not easy having black holes where childhood memories should be.

His smile became charming and easy going once more, "And see you've done it to me as well, inspired a confidence that is not easily handed over."

Sid leaned forward and reached out for Thor, placing her hand on his, "Then thank you…" She nodded softly, "For entrusting me with it."

Thor grinned, "And _that_ is why I do not worry for my friends." His face fell slightly, looking wistful, "But I do worry for you, for where this journey will take you."

Sid snorted as she sat back, "Evidently to space."

Thor chuckled as well, "That is not what I meant."

Sid nodded, staring down at her hands, "I know…"

Thor cleared his throat, understanding the fact that she was not ready to discuss her torment yet. So he nodded slowly, "You should have guards when you come to Asgard."

"Guards?" Sid blanched at the sudden change in the topic. "Am I — Will Asgardians think I mean to harm them?"

Thor shook his head, "No, I supposed _escorts_ would be a more fitting word."

Sid calmed slightly, "Oh."

"Two would suffice." He laid the insinuation on thick and it clicked for her.

She rose a playfully annoyed eyebrow, "Would they?"

Thor grinned like the cat that got the canary, "I believe so." He stood slowly and she raised up to her full height as well.

Sid nodded with a bitter smile on her lips, "I see."

Thor checked his person, playing up his nonchalance, "As you should, I _am_ older and wiser."

They walked to the door and Sid looked almost fully annoyed, but the tone of her voice was as biting as it was humored, "You know, I never thought people would be able to use that against me."

Thor looked perplexed for a moment, then he understood, "Ah yes, I forgot about your age." He eyed her up and down as they stood at the entrance and he simply nodded in appreciation, "As someone who has been alive thousands of your years, it is worthwhile to mention that a long life can get _very_ boring. Be sure to surround yourself with people who merit your affection."

Sid nodded with a painful understanding, "Yeah, I will."

"And do not limit yourself to conventiona —,"

Their conversation was halted by a very large crash coming from Steve's room.

Thor chuckled, "It seems our Captain has run into some trouble. Would you like assistance?"

Sid just laughed, "Nah, if he's awake, he can climb back in bed himself, if he's not awake he can sleep on the floor." She stretched slightly with a grin, "I think I deserve a bed to myself for a night."

Thor chuckled heartily at that and clapped her on the shoulder, "Goodnight Sid and enjoy your evening. I hope you are well-rested for your discussion tomorrow with whoever you chose to accompany you."

She shook her head at his obviousness and smiled, "Thanks." He nodded and exited.

After Sid saw him off, she wandered towards Steve's room, hearing curses and thumps behind the door. She walked in and flipped on the lights, pulling an angered hiss out of Steve, who was stumbling around in the dark with a pillow covering his lower half. His eyes were mostly shut as he raised an annoyed hand to block out the glare.

"Where are my pants?" He spoke thickly with exhaustion and inebriation.

Sid chuckled and walked over to his dresser to pull out a pair of pajama bottoms and a shirt. He barely shifted as she walked around the room, possibly sleep-standing as he gripped a fluffy pillow to his crotch and swayed in place. Sid got a nice side view of his stellar bare ass as she walked over to him and tried not to explode with laughter, imagining Thor ripping off all of Steve's clothes and leaving him naked in bed to sleep off his intoxication. She was starting to _really_ like Thor and his style.

"Come on." She handed him the clothes and turned away so he could get dressed. After slipping on his pants, he got a little stuck in his shirt and let out a pathetic whimper so Sid finally let some of her laughter out as she turned around to help him tug it into place. "You're a hot mess, Rogers."

"Does that mean you think I'm pretty?" He grinned at her stupidly with one open eye.

She guided him back to the bed and he plopped down. She sighed her response, "If I were unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."

He grinned widely at her, knowing something that she didn't. When he spoke, Sid's entire face brightened, "Because I'm pretty?"

Sid nodded, laughing softly in amazement, "Because you're pretty." He always found new ways to surprise her.

Then Steve promptly passed out.

Sid bit on her lips to keep the laughter in. She sighed, full of unexpressed emotion, "Captain Tight-pants…" She stroked a hand through his hair and leaned forward slowly, pressing a very gentle kiss to his forehead before disappearing into the bathroom to get herself ready for bed.

Steve slept with a smile on his face that night.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **I'm a sappy nerd who loves to suffer. THank you Lmere who is still sticking with me!**_


	33. That Costume

_33 : That costume was the reason asses were invented…_

* * *

A few days later Sid was preparing to leave for Asgard. Bucky would not be coming with them, he expressed explicitly how he was _not_ ready for a trip into space. Sid felt guiltier than ever before when Steve faltered at Bucky's refusal. Steve agreed outright with Bucky's decision, without a doubt he would be supportive. He was more than willing to help Sid with anything she needed, but he was sorely unsure about leaving Bucky even if just for a day or two while the scholars and healers conducted tests.

She had tried to tell Steve to just stay, especially since Tony was just about vibrating with the need to visit Asgard and she knew everyone else well enough by now to ask for their company. Instead Steve took Bucky aside and they sat and talked for a few minutes. Sid tried not to eavesdrop and was unfortunately unsuccessful because they spoke in such hushed tones. After the discussion, both men were comfortable with Steve going to Asgard with Sid and wouldn't discuss what was said between them.

So now she stood in some of her nicer jeans, with no holes, a button down shirt she stole from Clint and one of the cleaner jackets she owned. Her hair was secured back in a braided twist around her crown, as Thor had mentioned the Bifrost was safe, but quite windy. Natasha had assisted happily.

Thor was in his traditional warrior's garb and Steve was suited up in his Captain America outfit with his shield stuck to his back and his helmet currently on his hip. Sid felt particularly silly standing on Tony's helicopter pad between two superheroes, but she did it as valiantly as she could muster through her blind terror. People were squeezing in goodbyes, specifically Jane and Thor who said their goodbyes with their hands…and tongues.

Bucky finally stepped up, looking shaken as he eyed Sid and Steve.

"I don't have to do this right now." Sid insisted when he reached for her.

He tugged her against him, "Yes, you do and there's something I have to do as well."

Sid frowned into his chest, "Is it safe?"

Bucky sighed, "Mostly."

Sid's frown deepened as she pulled away, "And you can't wait for us to get back?"

He shook his head slowly, a weak smile on his lips, "No, I can't."

Sid nodded slowly, her heart tight in her chest. "Okay…" She muttered weakly and leaned in for another hug. "Don't do anything stupid until we get back."

He chuckled at the words and it lit up something in him that put a reply on the tip of his tongue. Something seemed familiar and he felt the itching of his training trying to punish him, but he quieted it with his breathing. He glanced at Steve who was dutifully not listening in on their conversation, but Bucky noticed the tension in his jaw. He hugged Sid close and took one last breath of her for safe keeping.

"Protect her." Bucky growled out softly over her head. Sid realized it was directed at Steve.

"At all costs." Steve nodded sternly with his Captain America voice.

Bucky pulled away from Sid abruptly and pushed her at Steve who tucked her to his side. Bucky eyed them for a moment and his hand twitched.

"I'll miss you." Sid grinned at Bucky.

He nodded slowly, staring heavily at Steve.

"We should prepare." Thor interjected as politely as he could.

"Right." Steve nodded with a thickness in his voice.

Bucky sighed one more time and reached a slow hand out to Steve, waiting for him to put his hand in his.

Steve stared at the hand in awe until Sid elbowed him in the side. With a sigh and a smile he reached out and shook Bucky's hand, feeling like his heart got jumpstarted on contact.

"Be safe." Bucky pushed out through some mangled emotions.

"You too." Steve replied softly and then Bucky was gone.

Sid looked up at Steve with tears in her eyes and he smiled down at her with a lot of appreciation. He couldn't quite believe just how lucky he was getting lately. But along with his great joy in the leaps he made with Bucky, there was that sharp fear that it could all go south at any moment and do so very quickly.

"Heimdall!" Thor bellowed into the sky and a moment later the clouds swirled at his command.

The next few moments happened so quickly that Sid barely had a moment to think. A tunnel of light shot through the sky with a boom as it engulfed her, Steve, and Thor. Sid felt like her spine was a lightning rod and her whole body was rocked by the impact of the light on the ground. Steve instantly wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close as she grit her teeth against the virulent energy surging through her.

A sudden tug gripped her core and she almost let out a yelp when she was lifted off of her feet and sent hurtling through space face-first. She plastered herself against Steve as a whirlwind of colors raged on around her. A brisk wind whipped at her cheeks and she burrowed herself into Steve while still keeping her eyes free to take in the wonders around her. Everything was bright and pure as they tore through time and space, filling Sid with a great sense of awe.

She took a peek at Thor who was dutifully flying, hammer first, through the tunnel next to them, sparing a moment to throw a wink her way. When she looked up at Steve, her own face fell at what she saw.

Tears fell from Steve's face, some of them dripped down his cheek while others floated off into the constantly changing gravitational surroundings. His eyes were wide full of wonder and anguish as he gaped out around him, like he was witness something familiar, incomprehensibly horrible, and devastatingly beautiful.

She wrapped her arms around him tighter then and squeezed him close, trying to push this intensity of the good she felt out into him as well. His arms tightened around her and Sid hoped it was enough to break the spell of whatever was plaguing him.

The light of the Bifrost was magnificent. It was far more beautiful than anything Sid had ever seen — and that included the demigod and the adonis that she latched herself onto. The wind became warm and she heard a commotion arising in the nearby distance. She glanced at Thor and watched as a small smile spread on his face, one of longing and peace. He was home.

A booming noise echoed out around them as their momentum shifted abruptly, Sid closed her eyes at the sensation that stirred something wretched in her gut. Thor landed on two feet in a practiced motion and Steve planted his feet almost as easily as the god. Sid would have tumbled out into forever if Steve's arms weren't around her the moment they stopped.

When she felt her feet hit the floor with stability, she went to open her eyes, but her breath shuddered as she felt the cool edge of a blade press against her throat. Her vision focused immediately after her eyes opened and she was staring into the golden gaze of the largest man she had ever seen. He towered over all of them completely, shrouded in golden armor that shone like the sun. Panic gripped her and she was frozen, unable to breathe or think in the face of his resplendence. His skin as dark as the night sky and the fire of galaxies swirled in his eyes. He studied her intensely with his blade to her throat, his gaze so omniscient it seemed the rest of the world spun slower around his focus. Sid felt all of her calm evaporate when the tip of his blade pressed further into her jugular as the man's glare intensified. She did her best not to whimper as the rest of universe slowly caught up with them.

"I do not know you." His voice was calm and low and it seemed to sink into the depths of time itself.

Sid blinked slowly in his pull and a resounding gong sounded throughout the dome they landed in. Sid finally sucked in a breath to the echoing sound of Steve's shield coming down in front of her with blinding speed to knock the sword away. Finally, time had caught up to them.

"What madness is this Heimdall!? Stand down!" Thor bellowed as Steve moved Sid behind him with a determined glare at the Asgardian Guard. Sid clung to Steve, wishing she was able to hold him back and shield him from the wrath of the God he dared challenge.

The man named Heimdall straightened to his full height and glared down at Sid who was clutching to Steve like it was her new job.

"I am the guardian of this realm." He spoke with authority as he lowered his sword, his voice deeper and more resonate than anything Sid had ever heard. It was like the thrum of the universe mimicked him. "You know of my honorable duty, Thor." He ended the sentence with a finality that had Thor frowning. Sid was still shaking in her boots as Heimdall continued, "You warned no one of companions, no explanation. I could not see or sense her on your journey here. When her feet fell upon this hallowed ground, her energy transformed in my presence and I _knew —,_ " For a moment his voice almost sounded shaken as he stared at Sid intently, "in every corner of the cosmos, my eye has been set." He sounded exasperated, "What was deemed impossible is the opposite…"

The great god took a slow step forward and Steve matched his distance with a fierce scowl. Heimdall focused on Steve with a slight grin and kept himself still. He nodded to Steve amicably, "I know you. The timeless soldier." He eyed Steve up and down slowly, "I even know of your mate." He spoke so deliberately and it shocked Steve out of his defensiveness. Heimdall's eyes slowly trailed back to Sid and he gazed at her, truly confounded, "In all of time and space, _you_ have evaded me." He shook his head softly with a throaty scoff, "You, my dear, should not exist."

Sid choked on the air in her lungs as he said it, his words like a knife that slashed through her throat. She shook softly and Steve rounded on her and pulled her into his arms and away from the guardian. "Thor?" Steve said it like he expected an answer.

"Explain yourself Heimdall." Thor stepped forward.

Heimdall's lip twitched downwards and he turned on his heel with his great sword in hand and he walked away. "I have an oath dear boy, one that I must keep. Speak nothing more of it."

" _Speak nothing more of it!?_ You have attacked one of my friends, I want to know _why?!_ " Thor replied vehemently as he followed Heimdall up the steps.

The behemoth god turned slowly once he reached his station at the Bifrost and Thor froze in place, unsure and questioning. Heimdall eyed Sid again with great regret in his eyes, "I cannot speak against my king."

Thor's eyebrows shot up at that and he turned to Steve and Sid with frustration plain on his features. His worried glance skimmed back to Heimdall with a severe command, "You will stand down Heimdall. None shall not harm this person. She is a force of good in their world."

Heimdall stared at her intently and she shivered with the invasiveness of his glare while latching herself further to Steve. Heimdall's watchfulness flashed to Steve for a moment and his eyes widened gently in the examination. As if coming to a clear conclusion, he grinned softly at Steve and back at Sid before looking at Thor, "I believe you."

"Good." Thor insisted with finality. He turned back to Sid and approached them slowly, "I apologize Sid — I did not — There was no —,"

Sid interjected with a shaky voice, "I believe you, Thor." She got wobbly knees beneath her and kept a hand on Steve, "Who would possibly have guessed that a literal golden god, with a giant sword, would try and kill me the second I stepped foot into a mystical kingdom in space, through which I flew with another god and a superhero?"

Heimdall almost grinned at her keen sense of humor, "I apologize for the indiscretion." He flashed his gaze to Steve who was still glaring, "I am not accustomed to being surprised." His grin completed itself by the end of the sentence.

Thor frowned heavily and reached a hand out to Sid who took it hastily, grabbing onto Steve and creating a chain as Thor tugged them all away towards the palace. The journey was silent until Sid finally realized that they were crossing _the_ Rainbow Bridge and everything came crashing back down on her. Her strangled gasp scared the hell out of Steve and Thor, especially when she dropped to her hands and knees to examine the bridge with tears in her eyes. Steve and Thor glanced at each other in confusion as she sobbed into the ground beneath her.

"Hey," Steve knelt next to her, "um, are you all right?"

Sid shook her head a little more than frantically, "No no nononono. I — it — the —," Her thundering heart beat kept interrupting her thoughts, until all that came out was a strangled sob, "It's just _so_ beautiful." She sounded a little delirious as she spoke with tears streaming down her cheeks, "It's so pretty and I just almost _died_." Her breaths started ripping through her vocal cords and her hands trembled until she pressed her full weight against the bridge itself. As if trying to solidify her existence, she dug her nails into the unbroken beams of light, trying to force herself to dissolve into the prism of colors beneath her fingertips. Her voice was hollow and scared and her eyes were vacant. "I could have missed how pretty this all is."

"Sid…" Steve began softly as he scooped her into his arms.

Sid was hiccuping out her sobs as Steve held her tightly to his chest. Her arms anchored around his shoulders and her face buried in his neck as she let out all of the crazy emotions she was very violently feeling. Going from exhilaration and wonder to outright terror was a daunting process on anyone's body, but if Steve knew Sid at all, she was rocked to her foundation by the things that Heimdall said. Things that severely irked Steve.

Thor approached them slowly, eying Sid carefully as she whimpered into Steve's shoulder, "I promise you that I had no intention of placing her in danger." Thor insisted with a shakiness to his tone. "I have never known Heimdall to attack an innocent."

Steve nodded softly, keeping his tone low as not to disturb Sid too much, "I don't think we brought up that particular talent of hers." He glanced down at the girl, quaking in his arms as she cried and cried. "She has an uncanny ability to be unnoticed."

Thor nodded with a dark scowl shrouding his features, "Heimdall sees _all_. Not much can evade his ever watchful eye and those that can are to be feared."

Steve exhaled a little shakily as footsteps approached and he could place a group of people still far enough away to miss out on their conversation, "So that's the question isn't it?"

Thor eyed Steve carefully and then glanced at the person in his arms who was still shaking and murmuring to herself, "Yes, it seems so."

As the group approached with Sid and Steve curled into each other on the ground, Steve tried to urge Sid to get her to her feet. It did not work. She shook her head emphatically and tried to wriggle herself out of his arms.

"Just let me look at it for a little bit, okay?" She begged him quietly and so he let her sink to her knees, her quaking fingertips tracing the ever fluctuating pulse of color along the bridge. Steve stood slowly and observed her closely as she picked at the purple flashes. This wasn't exactly going as planned.

A tall, slim blonde fellow stepped forwards to greet Thor with a hearty embrace.

"We have missed you brother!" He cheered and turned to Steve, a little shocked at the woman sitting cross legged on the Rainbow Bridge and talking to herself. With a shrug and an impish grin, the man nodded to Sid but spoke to Steve and Thor, "I cannot say that's a reaction we often see."

Thor nodded with an easy smile and a half-truth, "She seemed to be a little sensitive to the travel and her mind is a wonderful thing — she has a deep preoccupation with expanding her knowledge." Steve kept his surprise in check at Thor's deflection.

"Much like your brilliant Lady Jane?" The blonde man questioned and Thor nodded. "Well, I do recall her having similarly peculiar reactions to uniqueness of our home." He chuckled heartily and glanced back at his friends.

Another larger, heftier man stepped forwards to speak in a booming sort of voice as he knocked the blonde on the shoulder, "See? Other people feel weakened by the Bifrost too."

The woman spoke this time, an affectionate cruelty tilting her lips, "Yes, well if you want to compare your constitution to a human…" She joked. She then caught Steve's frown and she apologized, "Sorry. I intended no insult to her or your people — it is a known fact that humans are frail in comparison to us."

Steve nodded, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. It was a statement of truth, comparing the large man's abilities to a human's would be ridiculous judging by the size of him. Even glancing around the resplendent world full of things that baffled his mind, he realized that humans must seem like ants to them. "None taken." He tried on an easy smile and she nodded.

"Captain Steve Rogers, these are my dearest friends and most trusted compatriots. Lady Sif," he pointed to the women who returned Steve's nod with a stern grin. "Fandral," Thor gestured to the blonde man with a dashing grin full of promise. "And Volstagg." He finally gestured to the largest man who bowed in greeting with a huge grin.

"I'm honored to meet you all." Steve nodded, "Thor has told all of us extensive tales of your friendship and your strength."

All three nodded in appreciation but it was Fandral that spoke, "I'm sure he did, being the longwinded fellow he is." He shot a quick grin to Thor who only chuckled, "Thor has regaled us with the tales of your battles and your undying ferocity in fighting for the freedom of your realm. It is an honor to meet _you_ , Captain." Fandral reached his arm forward and Steve gripped it, appreciating the strength in the warrior's grip.

"Thank you." Steve grinned tightly before shaking hands with the rest of the group. He turned back to Sid who was finally getting to shaky feet. He rushed to her side and helped her stand.

"All right, all right, quit doting, I'm okay." She murmured to him as she swiped at her face to rid it of tear trails and snot. She finally got herself together, looking windswept and drained as she faced the two Warriors and Lady Sif with a weak smile. "Hi, I'm Sid."

Sif grinned this time, "Almost perfect."

Sid grinned half-heartedly at that, "It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm honored to be welcomed in your home."

Fandral grinned, "Honeyed words on honeyed lips, I must say Thor, you have exquisite taste in friends." He winked at Steve and Steve went fully pink in response.

Sif chuckled, "Don't mind him, I solemnly vow that he is actually improving on his maturity."

"You wound me." Fandral pantomimed his sadness with little effort. A grin slowly spread, targeted at the Lady Sif before he turned back to Steve, "Either way, word spread that Thor returned with an Avenger and a slew of Asgardians wanted to prepare a gathering."

"Wow." Steve muttered and glanced at Thor in surprise.

Thor shrugged tiredly, "News travels quickly in Asgard and celebrations form far faster."

"Yes, we do enjoy our merriment." Volstagg added heartily, clapping Frandral on the shoulder. "Did you battle the horde of Chitauri as well?" He directed this at Sid.

"Oh, I'm not an Avenger." Sid interjected, wanting the least amount of attention she could get at the moment. "He is!" She tried to shove Steve at them with all her might, but he firmly planted his feet and Sid felt like she was trying to push against a wall. Colliding with Steve sent a harsher reaction to her joints jarring together compared to the meager pat on the back it looked like.

"Ah! I see! Well friends and lovers equally gather for a feast and celebration of warriors!" Volstagg added with a grin.

"Um —," Steve wanted to clarify but Sid interrupted him.

"A feast?" Sid instantly perked up, "That sounds great! I'm starving."

Volstagg almost blushed with excitement, "I will ensure that a succulent choice of courses is provided."

Sid beamed at him and glanced at Steve who chuckled at her excitement that displaced her dread from only moments ago. Sid had a voracious appetite, especially when it came to trying new things.

"Thank you!" Sid grinned and Volstagg bowed to her. She elbowed Steve in the gut and nodded towards Volstagg, "Why don't you do that when you do all the things for me?"

Steve gave her a quick once over, heartily concerned by her snap change in behavior. Her smile stretched a little desperately around her eyes, so he just chuckled as Volstagg's head popped up, "Cause I don't _do all the things_ for you and second, I'm not an elite Asgardian Warrior." He almost sounded bothered as he leaned in slightly and leveled her with a playful glare, "I'm a punk, from Brooklyn. I open doors, I pull out your chair, I'll step on your feet when I take you dancing, but we don't really bow to anyone." He finished with a cheeky grin and she stuck her tongue out at him as she wound an arm around his. His caution with her was pushed aside in order to give her the extra grace she needed to get through this current meeting.

"Oh, forgive me." Volstagg straightened with a nervous smile, "I had not taken notice of your relationship."

Sid shot Volstagg a quizzical frown for a moment and then she caught his meaning, "Oh, no, no. Me and Steve here are very good friends. Intimate friends and non-romantic." She leaned into Steve and smiled up at him with warmth and affection.

Fandral snapped to attention and stepped forward with a very sly grin, "So neither of you —,"

"I'll show you to your rooms." Thor interjected and then gave Fandral a hearty shove which ignited laughter within the group.

This inspired a very childlike moment of play between the warriors and Thor. They stalked through the castle's halls rather cheerily, poking fun at one another and making loving jokes. They discussed the going-ons of the Asgardian Elite and Sid got a decent catch up on what's to know within the caste walls. Interestingly enough, it was Volstagg who had the most juicy stories to tell.

When they reached the hall for guests, Thor excused them from the other warriors who were off to do whatever elite warriors do with their days. During their walk Sid had been marveling at the Asgardian palace, filled to the brim with beauty and art that challenged her perception of what the words really meant. Everything was different and stupendous and she wanted to know _everything_ she could about it.

Thor opened up a room with a giant door and Sid slinked in hastily to get a good look at it. The ceilings looked like they belonged rightfully in a castle, made of some sort of stunning stone that shimmered in the shadows almost as much as it did in the light. Huge stone columns lined the walls with extensive carvings molded into glorious scenery. Designs were painted with something that gave the colors so much depth, it boggled her perception. It was grand and beautiful, walking that delicate line between ostentatious and refined, but nonetheless wondrous.

"I hope you do not mind, but your friend Sergeant Barnes requested that I room you two together, so I took the liberty of doing so." Thor started giving them a brief tour. "Obviously we have enough rooms to go around, but he mentioned that Sid preferred not to sleep alone."

Sid blushed furiously, "I — we don't — is that okay? With like, your people?"

Thor burst into uproarious laughter, "Pay no mind to that. I understand earthly propriety is at a crossroads it will eventually overcome. Asgardians battled that prejudice long ago and you will not find it here. We have no laws or customs that forbid sharing beds between unwed lovers or friends." He shrugged lightly, "You may receive some assumptions because of your affection for one another, but you'll find no shame in most emotional expression in our realm. We are a loving, curious people who hold love and true honor in high esteem." He grinned wide.

Sid sighed dreamily, "It sounds wonderful."

Thor chuckled softly and winked at Sid as he left, "It is."

When Thor was gone Sid started rifling through everything she could as gently as possible. She was inspecting some woodwork when Steve caught her attention. He was standing at the foot of the elaborate four post bed in the center of the room, staring at the sheets like they held the secrets to the universe.

She approached him slowly and he smiled gently when she got his attention, "I'm sorry Steve." She looked around and grinned nervously, "Not that I would mind having this to myself if you didn't want to share."

She chuckled softly, but Steve could see some of the tension in her shoulders. This was unfamiliar ground on a strange world and no matter how peaceful it seemed, she couldn't trust it on her own.

Steve had a similar compulsion and so he played it off easily, "Don't worry about it Sid, this way we can only get lost together." She chuckled at him softly and fingered the bed clothes with a frown on her face. "What?"

"Did you pack anything?" Sid looked at him nervously.

He chuckled softly, "Thor said they would provide us with some sleeping clothes and an outfit to meet the King in if we wanted it."

Sid's eyes widened in joy, "Hell yeah I want it!" She almost shouted.

Steve outright laughed, "Yeah I thought so." He pointed to a closet and Sid tried to dash over to it, but Steve reached out and caught her, pulling her back to him so he could really look at her when he asked the question, "Are you sure you're all right?"

Sid gulped back some of her mania, "It's a bit complex, how I feel." She shrugged softly and relaxed into Steve's hold, "There's a lot of stuff that's going on and traveling through space and having a sword the size of a surf board jabbed into my neck just shook something loose." She wavered slightly and so Steve sat on the bed with her. "I've never been faced with an absolute like that." She looked up at Steve with haunted eyes, "If it weren't for Thor and you, there was absolutely _nothing_ I could have done to survive a fight with him. Hell, even _with_ you and Thor, he still might have been able to kill me."

Steve's heart sunk at her hopeless words. That sort of terror was something he was familiar with, that peaceful horror of resigning to the fates. He sighed heavily, trying to bring some levity to the lost eyes of his friend. "I think most people would resort to tears if they met a literal god." Steve wrapped his arm around her as she tucked into his side. "He may be a god, but you aren't helpless." He tucked his chin to his chest to get a look at her, using his opposite hand to tilt her chin up, "Don't let anyone ever make you feel that way."

Sid shot him a careful smile, one that hid the truth of the moment: that despite having her entire identity questioned, traveling through space to an alien world, and being threatened by a mythological god, she'd never felt more helpless than when she was in his arms. Realizing what a sad statement that made, she extricated herself to lay down on the bed and pretended to sleep — fretting about the reality of the moment.

She was starting to think it may have not been such a good idea to come here…

At least until Steve, confused by the moment, wandered a bit and found what she could barely call a bathroom with almost as much space as their sleeping chambers, containing a cleansing spring, bubbling and heated to a perfectly scalding temperature.

She squealed in glee and started to pry at the Captain America uniform defending Steve's body. After a furtive few moments of utter frustration, she insisted that he take a mandatory friendship alien bath with her so she had someone to talk to about it at a later point in time. Steve wasn't nearly as enthusiastic, but after she got down to her skivvies and left it at that, he relented and they sunk into the steamy water with the giggles akin to children on their lips.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **SORRY ITS LATE. I AM 75% A MESS AND 25% TIRED. LOVE YOU. HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER ON ME.**_


	34. Language has no grasp on the complexity

_34 : Language has no grasp on the complexity of love_

* * *

A few hours later, Steve and Sid were gathered with Thor and his companions for their meal. What was supposed to be a get together with a few people to meet and greet Captain America, Friend of Thor, and Avenger of Midgard, turned out to be a pretty elaborate feast with almost a hundred people including live music and entertainment. Sid and Steve pretty much sat back and were wowed by the graciousness of Thor and his friends. The food was delicious, the drinks were sublime, and they were pretty much having the night of their lives. Stories were told, jokes were made, Fandral flirted with just about everyone — it was intense.

After Sid's fourth tour around the dance floor with Volstagg in the last hour, she pretty much collapsed next to Steve on the bench, splaying out her limbs while she giggled at Fandral and Sif animatedly arguing over something inane. She was wearing a vest that wrapped around her torso and clipped at her side with a simple pair of slacks that had been provided with the knee high boots. There was an interesting mixture of people dressed in varying ways. Some of them wore pants, some wore skirts, but every person was decorative in their own way, and yet still pre probably pared for battle. Despite the various looks and personalities, the party was raging with an unkempt cheer.

"Come on Steve, not even _one_ dance?!" Sid chuckled as she sipped her very much watered down mead.

Steve shook his head dutifully as he reached for his own somewhat less watered down mead and sipped it slowly. After his drink, he looked at Sid who was pouting, "Don't give me that. I don't dance."

Sid chuckled, "What kind of cruel universe would gift you with those legs and no rhythm?" She plucked a few of the dainty looking fruits from the bowl at the small table and popped them into her mouth. She chewed distractedly, smiling and chuckling as she watched the party rage on about them. She glanced at Steve with a grin and offered her palm which held a few more fruits secreted there.

"Thanks." He grabbed them and threw one up in the air to catch in his mouth but in a moment of stunning clarity Sid had an urge and she jumped at it. Literally.

Sid leapt on him and swatted the fruit out of the air with the fervor of a basketball player blocking the winning shot. "OH!" Sid cheered from her splayed out position on top of a shocked Steve. She raised her fists with a mighty roar and Volstagg and Sif cheered with her.

Soon enough almost everyone was howling in congratulations for reasons they did not understand. When the party settled back down into its normal racket, Sid glanced back at Steve from her perch on top of him with a sneer.

"Suck it Rogers!" She shouted a little too vehemently and Steve couldn't help it as laughter finally bubbled out from his chest. Thor raised Mjolnir in another round of yelling and Fandral rolled his eyes at everyone.

Sid was laughing as she climbed off of him and Steve was desperately trying to rope back in his amusement with her, "What the heck was that for?"

"Easy with the potty mouth grandpa, Jesus is watching." Sid chuckled as she crawled over Steve to find the fruit she batted out of the air and get it off the floor. She finally found it, along with a good amount of other junk and swept it into a bin nearby for refuse.

Steve followed her with his eyes as she rinsed off her hands in a basin and walked back over with an apologetic grimace on her face, "Okay, okay, here's your fruit, for real." She scooped up a hand full and deposited it in the hands resting in his lap.

He eyed her suspiciously as he got ready to toss one. She just shook her head and smiled at him encouragingly. He tossed it up in the air and got ready to catch it in his mouth.

Sid surged towards him in a feint, making it look like she would dart in again and Steve flinched just enough to have the fruit bounce off his bottom lip and into a waiting hand at his chest. He scowled at Sid who cheered again and Volstagg joined in just for the fun of it.

"You're incorrigible." Steve just laughed as he slipped a few pieces of fruit in his mouth.

Sid leaned up against him with a fond smile, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm a jerk, but it was too good of a chance not to take." She stared out over the crowd as her and Steve sat together, just enjoying the carefree nature of those gathered.

People had been friendly and welcoming, aside from the initial snafu with the protector of the realm, but Sid was trying valiantly not to think about a giant sword at her throat. It didn't seem like many in Asgard held humans — even great ones — in very high esteem, thus a lack of presence from elders at this feast. It appeared Thor and his friends seemed to be a new turn for the generations, willing to broaden their minds in all avenues and expand upon tradition with new knowledge. Even if it seemed like they would just be taking a step back in learning from humans.

So with this fascination for humanity came a lot of questions, mostly about customs or Sid's life — which she warned them was _not_ the standard as the world was a greatly diverse place. They may have started out with a little bit of amused fascination for a _lesser_ species but eventually became enthusiastic appreciation for a _different_ species. People appreciated life a little differently on earth compared to Asgard, and most of Thor's friends were astounded by the general tenacity humans seemed to have in regard to getting what they wanted. Humans did _not_ have eons to get their lives together and all of them tried to squeeze so much in such a short amount of time.

"So I have a question for Vacation-Steve and I think Vacation-Steve needs to answer honestly." Sid leaned to the tone of her slurring speech as she reached for their glasses.

Nervousness bubbled up through Steve's mild buzz, so he tried to deflect the conversation, "And what exactly is a _Vacation-Steve_?"

Sid chuckled, "Vacation-Steve looks like musketeer and wears sick leather vambraces and leather pants that look painted on." She groaned heavily, eyeing him up and down in a joking lasciviousness, "Should we thank science for your ass too, or did you have a good one pre-serum?"

"Ha ha." Steve deadpanned as he swiped his drink from her.

"Vacation-Steve also drinks somewhat responsibly." She grinned and Steve blanched.

"Sid, I'm still so —,"

Sid shook her head, "I told you that night and I'll tell you again: you scraped me off the sidewalk when I was _all the sheets_ to the wind, okay? You don't have to feel bad for a simple lapse in judgement." She leaned forward and placed a firm hand on his knee, "Everyone makes mistakes, Steve."

He shook his head, "But Bucky —,"

"Bucky is _fine_." She growled. "I mean, he is as fine as he _can_ be under the circumstances." She elaborated. "Fact is Steve, you need to stop beating yourself up about _everything_." She took a long sip from her drink that Steve matched. "You may be a super hero, but you don't have to be strong all the time."

He gave her a wry smile, "If I don't hold myself to the highest standards, then who will?"

Sid guffawed at him, "Your friends! Other people! Hell, the whole world would probably be itching to give you a piece of their mind on how you can improve." Steve grimaced at that. "See!? _That's_ why you need to cool it on the martyrdom bit, you cannot _possibly_ please everyone all the time. You need to do what's right for _you._ "

He gazed at her with uncertainty before his face shifted into something a little more stern, "There comes a point in your life when putting yourself first stops working. You're born, you're babied, then you grow up. Life was never guaranteed to be easy. There's got to be people out there willing to lay themselves down so others can step over them. I'm just one of them."

Sid frowned heavily at that, "Steven Percival Rogers —,"

"My middle name's not —,"

" _Steven Percival Rogers_ ," Sid repeated with more slurred vehemence, "you are not, and do not deserve to be a doormat for _anyone_!"

He rolled his shoulders and tried to play it off, "Sid that's not —,"

"It absolutely _is_ what you meant!" She was steaming now. "How you don't see just how incredible you are, astounds me!" She saw him slightly wither at that and she socked his shoulder hard in a tiny explosion of drunken rage, "Don't you dare take that the wrong way, you know what I mean!" She turned to face him fully, pulling her legs up underneath her and invading his space to get her point across, "You are a good man, _you_ make Captain America great, not the other goddamn way around!" She snarled at him. "I could hit you if I weren't non-violent."

Steve frowned, his brain taking just that millisecond longer than normal to process, "You literally punched me thirty-seconds ago."

"That's not the point…" She replied testily, "God damnit, just because you are a national hero doesn't mean you shouldn't get to live your life. There are _other_ heroes in existence, if you haven't noticed, they're popping up like daisies these days!"

Steve's reply was a simple frown. He took a sharp breath before he spoke, "Well, what about you? You could have a normal life too and yet you chose to serve the homeless. How is that any different from what I do?"

Sid snorted into her cup as she sat back and stared at him in disbelief, "Normal life? I'm sorry where have you been? I routinely turn over drunks in alley's so they don't choke on their own vomit while they sleep. I rifle through trash day in and day out to find something of utility for my people, I make sure troubled folks don't bring drugs into my home. I don't throw myself at helicopters and karate chop meglomaniacs every single week." She scoffed and took a long sip of her mead, "I live my life this way because I have to, because it's _dangerous_ for people like me out there. I am a dark-skinned, sorta-mutant, with somewhat of an obscure sexual identity and proclivity, a virulent liberal mind, with a tendency to throw rocks at people I don't like and cry over cat videos on the internet." She glared at him slightly, "I'm _not_ a hero and no one says you have to be either. You can do good in this world without picking up a weapon. Peace isn't built on death wishes."

He laughed this time and Sid frowned deeper in response, "You see that's the joke isn't it? I was given something that made me more than able to fight against the _violent_ injustice of this world. You're just working at the opposite angle and pretending like it's not the same." Sid frowned and went to speak but he shushed her which made her bristle, but he pushed on, "It's _sacrifice_. You do that work because it's work that needs to be done and how can you think I haven't noticed you're just the same as me? As anyone at the tower? Closing yourself off and doing good, you're just throwing yourself at other people's problems instead of helicopters." He exhaled and leveled a stern glare at her, "The point I am trying to make is that you can lecture me all you want about me seeking happiness, but you won't do a damn thing about it for yourself."

Sid's jaw dropped and she was utterly speechless. Her entire reply criteria was a jumbled mess of fourth grade insults that did nothing to help her cause. She glared at him, bitter that she was on the other end of a tongue lashing she started. It was _her_ job to help people, not the other way around. She was _fine_.

"Yeah, but I choose to work with homeless people. That was my decision to leave the comforts of the commune." She sighed heavily, "My life has been entirely my choice. I chose to serve people this way. Did you?"

"I risked going to prison in order to get into the army, so yeah, you're damn right I chose this life." Steve almost growled.

Sid rolled her eyes and then narrowed him with a sarcastic glare, "A skinny little kid from Brooklyn with two cents to his name and a foot in death's door, he's not, oh," she scratched her head and shrugged exaggeratedly, "I don't know, _itching_ to prove something?"

The fervor of the party surrounding them did nothing to dull the tension. She challenged him and she saw him bristle, his shoulders somehow expanding with the anger in his eyes. She knew that she should shut up and back down, but she was angry too. She was furious over his damned stubbornness and his unwillingness to reach out because of fear. She was mad at him for chickening out on the one thing he _knew_ would make his life substantially better. She was tired of watching so many people sacrifice their lives in unhappy ways. Steve could try and pretend her work was the same as his, but she was far happier with her life than Steve seemed to be with his.

She was irked by his duty before booty sort of lifestyle, and she phrased it that way specifically to make him uncomfortable. Having fun with him required far too many hours of emotional torture and blackmail in order to get him to loosen him up. She was tired of watching him throw himself so fully into Captain America that Steve Rogers barely seemed to exist anymore.

She continued a bit scathingly, ignoring all the warning signs that she was pushing way too far, "Then the government walks in and hands him a golden ticket!" She laughed a little cruelly and spoke with a deep, gravely voice, _"I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul…"_ She glanced up at him with a devilishly cruel smile, "You want me to believe that streetwise skinny kid, still knocking around your skull, isn't just a little bit _tempted_ to think you've paid your dues?"

Steve scoffed into the stretching silence between them. When he spoke, his soft words sawed through the tension like a bow on violin strings, "So what?" He glared at her, looking incredulous and _hurt_. "You read some books about me — maybe even bought the comics or saw movies that depicted my life. You know all about that skinny little kid from a couple of lines and a few blurry pictures in an outdated book?"

His shoulders tensed as he sat almost ramrod straight, his anger finally welling high enough, "Just cause you walk into my life with an abridged version of all I've been through doesn't mean you have any authority on how I feel or what I do." He glared at her and his tone was deathly serious, "I don't take opinions about my life because I don't need them. I know exactly what is right for me and I do my best to defend everyone else's right to figure that out for themselves." His jaw clenched and Sid bristled. They glared at each other for a few moments until Sid finally spoke with condescension.

"Yeah, you're right." She scoffed, "I don't know a damn thing about you or how you feel because you won't say anything to me about it." She leveled him with a sad glare, "Do you know how hard it is to watch you and Bucky circle around each other? Like someone accidentally flipped on the magnets in your chests but you're both struggling against the natural pull! Something is keeping you from meeting in the middle and it ain't the laws of magnetism! You guys practically ooze this long dormant chemistry that's just crackling beneath the surface. I thought romance novels were full of shit but you two —!" She groaned and tugged at the roots of her hair, "Do you know how exhausting it is to be this emotional lightning rod between you guys!?" She sat forward with a crazed sort of glare, "God dammit, you _love_ him! Just fucking do _one_ thing for yourself, and _tell him_!" She shouted, grabbing the lapels of his shirt and shaking herself more than she did him.

Silence drew on for a couple of beats. Thankfully the rest of the hall was erupting with cheers and clapping while people danced in the center. No one heard her outburst except for the one person it probably disturbed the most.

Steve just stared as she wilted beneath his gaze, her body went a little slack as she let go of him. His mouth hung open lamely and his eyes glazed over like he was bleeding out. The tears welled up next and he clamped his jaw shut and turned his glare away from her.

Sid's heart just about fell out of her body. She was horrified that she had let those words cross her lips. Her frustration, her _drunkenness_ , Steve's absolute impertinence, and his selflessness just railroaded her. She was a selfish, vain creature and she was all right with admitting it. She did what she pleased as often as she didn't and her life was a vague patchwork of a hundred different lives. She knew _nothing_ of what Steve felt because she was _nothing_ like Steve. She had no right to speak of any of it.

"I-I'm sorry." Sid whimpered out, with tears already spilling on her cheeks. She jumped off the bench, spilling her mead and Steve's on him in the process. While he fussed over the now wet everything, Sid gave him one last broken look and bolted from the hall during the distraction.

When Steve looked up, she was already most of the way to the exit. He stood up just to witness her slip out the door. He kicked out at the solid table in front of him, silently thankful of its Asgardian construction, and cursed her horrible habit of running away from _everything_.

Volstagg was underneath Thor's arm and they swung their way over, laughing in the process, "Steve! I've never known you to be clumsy!" Thor joked heartily as he motioned to the stains on Steve's shirt. "No matter, we will get you a new one. Where is Sid?" He looked around, confused and concerned.

Steve shook out his hand after wringing some wine from his shirt, "She, uh, got tired, had a headache or something."

Thor frowned heavily, more at Steve's entire posture than just his lame attempt at deflection. He looked down at Volstagg who had his head tilted in curiosity, "That's most disappointing, she was wonderful company." The large man mentioned.

Steve cleared his throat, uncomfortable with something he didn't want to think about rolling around in his brain, "Yeah, she was."

Thor's mouth turned down in great displeasure with that comment and the mood it was laced with. He cleared his throat to jostle Steve out of whatever was plaguing him. "We were planning to do some sparring in the courtyard. Weapons and hand to hand. I can have your shield retrieved if you would like to join us."

Steve glanced at the door again, suddenly a lot seemed to be weighing on his shoulders. He exhaled heavily, "Sure Thor, that sounds like a great idea."

Thor nodded, "Very well, Captain. Join us, perhaps tomorrow Sid will be in better spirits."

Steve shrugged, forcing away the urge to hunt her down and just finish a damn conversation for once. They both said things that weren't right. They were both drinking and teasing and it just went too far and pushed the wrong buttons.

He was hoping that a good round of getting his ass kicked by a bunch of demigods would lighten his mood before he had to face her tonight.

—

Sid had taken a bath and cried. When she got out, she started crying again, so she got back into the bath and stayed there for a bit longer. The water here was a bit different from earth, purified in some way and there were other things in the absence of familiarity. The tub was littered with little iridescent bubbles that sparkled like starlight and popped just as dramatically beneath the onslaught of Sid's tears. She still couldn't believe she said those things to Steve.

Steve's adoration and Bucky's distinct pain were indicative of just how much they meant to one another. Steve's patience seemed unconditional for Bucky and he even tolerated her idiotic self while she fumbled to help them. Bucky somehow broke through _decades_ of psychological torture and abuse because he saw Steve's face and heard Steve calling him home. She _knew_ there was something magical between them, but it wasn't until they spent more time around each other that she thought it to be more than just a platonic relationship.

The difference was in the stolen glances, light blushes, flirty grins, and eventual interaction that was so gravitational that it was almost ridiculous. It littered their everyday behavior and Sid was smack dab in the middle of it, absolutely falling in love with these two incredible individuals driven apart by an unimaginable rift.

 _That_ was why she didn't get involved, it's why she moved and traveled, and never tried to do the same thing twice. She had circled the globe at one point or another to avoid this particular type of hell. She had invested too greatly in this situation and just like every other time she got too attached, she would be the one getting hurt the most. It was a broken record for her. The commune had gotten too confusing with her burgeoning powers and the surrounding tension with mutants. Later, after a period of happiness in the Alley, Callisto lost her battle with weather witch and then fell in love with the man named Doc while her aging body recovered; her newly distant relationship with Sid became even more estranged. Sid was frozen in her body but not her heart and losing Callisto had been a scourge to her emotions. After that, Sid just stopped trying. One can't get hurt if they never stop long enough to get attached. The world may keep changing, but Sid always got left behind, stuck, stagnant. Trapped.

Eventually she pulled herself from the tub and did all the things alleged humans do. She pulled on the beautiful night gown that started a new barrage of tears because everyone had been so nice to her and she screwed it all up. In _space_ no less! Then, she laid down to go to sleep, bitterly recounting every horrible thing she ever did in her life and giving herself the mental lashing she deserved.

The next few hours were littered with crying jags and naps in between. Much later into the early morning the doors to the chamber slowly opened and someone stumbled in, unfortunately she was awake. Sid had to gulp back the sobs she was currently working on.

She tried to peak over her shoulder slowly, but when she saw the state Steve was in she burst upright while she swiped away her tears, "Steve!?" She shouted as she scrambled from the bed and rushed up to him.

He was stumbling in slowly, his clothes tattered, and covered in a thick smatter of dirt, possibly blood, and something putrid. He smelled like sewer's bad day and looked like he was dragged to hell and back. "Hey…" He put up a weak hand to keep her from touching him and chastised her, "I don't think you want to do that."

Sid was gaping at him in horror. He looked like he walked out of a Tarantino movie, "What in the _hell_?!" She finally yelled, terror completely winning over.

He chuckled softly as he padded towards the bathroom, slowly stripping, "I learned what a bilge snipe is today." He muttered as his shirt seemed to _shluck_ off his body and onto the floor.

She tried not to grimace, but she did scoff as she followed him, stepping over the terrifying clothes on the floor. "I'm sorry Sesame Street, can you repeat that?"

He stumbled into the bathroom and Sid surged forwards to help but he stopped her with a lazy lift of a hand that caused him to sway.

"Are you still drunk? We learned this last time, you may be stiff as a board but you are _not_ light as a feather." She questioned and moved her hands in an array of directions trying to figure out where to touch his body with his escalating nudeness.

He waved her off the limp hand, "I haven't had a drink since you evacuated our conversation earlier." He untied something at his waist while stepping out of his boots and when Sid saw his thumb loop beneath the waist of his pants, she only let a little bitterness peak through her decency as she turned around and waited until she heard him climb into the water.

She slinked into the bathroom and stacked a few towels to sit on top of the grand counter as he rinsed off a bit and got comfortable in the vast tub quite a ways away. She crossed her legs and hugged a towel in her lap, idly marveling at its softness, "I'm sorry, you know. Sometimes the air's a little thin on my high horse and I become an asshole when I lack oxygen…" Sid started and her weak voice caught in her throat. There was so much more she wanted to say.

"So am I." Steve replied sadly.

"No, Steve, please —," Sid tried to interrupt.

"Just…" His voice was raised slightly, but he seemed to calm himself with a bite to his lower lip, "Let me finish." He breathed out and Sid closed her mouth. "There's a component of you being right. About the duty, about joining up, about my life… There were a lot of choices that weren't ideal, but I did what I could with what I was given." He glanced at her and she was rubbing patterns on the towel in her lap while she listened, "And you're right about Bucky." Sid's head popped up at that, genuinely surprised, almost delighted but she tried to hide it. Steve chuckled at her sadly and she realized she was unsuccessful, "It wasn't like that… between us, back then, I mean." He frowned softly as he stared down at the steaming water, "Wasn't really until after he was gone that I figured it all out. The regret…"

Sid's lower lip trembled as despair pumped through her veins and out her tear ducts, "Oh Steve…"

He looked up at her, a bitter smile on his lips and devastation in his eyes, "We were always close, him and me." He cleared his throat and his face began to flush, but it could have been the bath. "I never got a lot of attention growing up from anyone other than my ma and doctors. I met Bucky and all that changed." He exhaled heavily as he tried to work his way through the emotions, "I grew up seeing him — just _knowing_ who he was and being so _secure_ in it. He _was_ the good kid." He chuckled sadly, "He was smart and funny and charming — _god,_ he was charming." Steve smiled wide as he allowed himself to _really_ remember.

"Bucky had his head on straight and there was no one else in the world I admired like I admired him. Especially after I lost my ma." He sniffled softly and Sid gnawed on her thumb to keep from making a single sound, "So I toughed out everything, you know? Didn't want to complain, didn't want to make a fuss, could barely stand up on my own some days and he did all of it — not just for me, but for him too. He fed us, clothed us. He stood for me when my muscles cramped, he breathed for me on nights I thought would be my last…" Steve wiped a wet hand down his face to conceal the tears, "He was my everything."

Sid bit down on her battered thumb and tried to hide her raging grief when Steve looked at her, his eyes hooded with exhaustion — physical and mental. "You know, I always think about what could have happened after the war, Peggy was something special, but there was always Bucky. I thought finally, maybe with this new body I coulda been…" He stilled for a moment, caught on something inexplicably painful. "Bucky always ran both ways when it came to getting dates and he was discreet. He knew my Catholic upbringing might cause some waves, but I didn't care. I had stars in my eyes when it came to him."

He shrugged lazily, "Before the serum, I didn't care about finding a girl just yet, but Bucky always tried to get me dates. I just wasn't ready for it. I wanted to be someone that a wife would be proud of, someone like Bucky." His breath seemed to catch in his chest before he continued, "After the procedure, I realized that I was noticing all kinds of things. Ladies, men…" He scoffed softly, "And Bucky…" He sighed heavily and then looked at Sid with a genuine smile, "You know he was _just_ as beautiful as he was before. Even the serum couldn't make him more perfect in my eyes." Steve sighed heavily as he closed his eyes, the smallest, prettiest peace resting on his brow. "With everything that was going on, it just ended before there was even a beginning." Sid watched his face falter for a moment in extreme sadness, but he pulled it back into a dead neutrality, "And now he's here and I can't even _look_ at him without hurting him." He leveled the wall with his agonized attention, watching, waiting, as if it would show him the answers to his problems.

Sid clambered off of the counter amid her tears and she rushed at Steve. Even in his deepest pit of sadness he tried to stop her from climbing into the tub to give him a hug and possibly wreck the sleepwear she was currently in. So they compromised with Sid sitting on the edge and holding his hand and stroking his hair.

"I'm proud of you Steve." She commented quietly with a shaky voice, "That's a lot to bear _and_ to bare."

Steve scoffed, "You would make that kind of a joke right now." He opened his eyes and looked up at her, a wide smile on his face, full of compassion and care.

Sid stared down at him and her own breath seemed to falter in her chest at the terrible perfection in his smile. So she just nodded until her breath came back, playing it off like she was just being enthusiastic, "I would."

"I love you Sid." He said with a charming little smile before he leaned his head back and let his aching body soak.

She gulped back the terror that wanted to shake her voice, "I love you too, Steve." She replied as regularly as possible as she retreated from the bathroom to allow him some peace.

It wasn't a lie. It was more of a half-truth.

Well, less of a half truth and more of an omission of a few words…

She couldn't do this anymore.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **LOVE ME**_


	35. Faced with the Realm Eternal

_35 : Faced with the Realm Eternal and Sid gets the jibblies._

* * *

The entire morning was tenuous.

Steve was fully dressed in his Captain America uniform and Sid might have stalled her morning routine just a little bit to watch him gear up. The way he moved, even doing the most mundane tasks was like a visual symphony. She shook the terror that was gripping her as she felt a distinct _need_ growing in her chest. The tightness there didn't have anything to do with the troubling broiling heat in her gut, she just _needed_ him.

Eventually she got herself dressed, pleasantly surprised by Steve's uncanny ability to lace up a dress and warrior's bustier. After he helped her secure her hair out of her face, they made their way to meet Thor in the hallway.

They gathered to meet Odin in one of his many consultation halls. In so far, no one knew precisely why Sid was there. Most assumed she belonged to Captain America and he had brought her along with Thor's permission. The rumor mill was abuzz, as it was wont to do in Asgard.

She was positively quivering by the time they reached the hall. Thor seemed perfectly content, strolling through the marble lined paths and having no terror over his origins and his life so far. A gentle hand laid on her back and she glanced up at Steve and he smiled beneath his Captain America helmet, a view that awed and excited her at the same time.

She tried to smile but it didn't come out very well, so she tried a joke instead, "I'd like to draw some eyebrows on that helmet. People would probably take you more seriously if you had angry eyebrows."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head as they continued to walk. Thor lead them through another hallway made of splendor and approached two large doors that he pushed through with a grin.

"Father." Thor grinned as he strode forward and hugged his father heartily.

Sid smiled for a moment watching the lovely reunion until a sharp pang hit her temple. She twitched slightly and when Steve glanced at her, she shook her head, begging him to disregard it. They hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and Sid was sure her exhaustion was weighing on her heavily in such a stressful situation.

"Father, I want you to meet my dear friends, Captain Steve Rogers, my shield mate from Midgard honorably regarded as Captain America. The other is a friend who has no known origin. She ran into the Captain's oldest, dearest friend and aided him. Because of her love and compassion for my friends, I have brought her here to seek an audience with you and the scholars about her ancestry."

When Thor introduced Sid, she stepped forward in unsure slippers and when Odin leveled his full gaze at her she actually faltered. Everything inside of her bottomed out and she tried her best to hide it, but with a twitch of his eye Sid was pretty sure he noticed. She cleared her throat and bowed deeply, having absolutely no idea what else to do, "I'm honored to meet you All Father." She rose slowly and tried to shake the cold creeping sensation that was slowly curling up her spine. "Thor has told me about the amazing scholars at your disposal and despite their genius, the scientists on earth could not accurately place where I am from. Though they believe I am essentially human, I have a certain make up and certain powers that lead them to think that maybe that's not all I am."

Odin frowned as he approached her and Sid did her best to keep herself still. It was difficult because every bone in her body felt hollow in fear, like a simple sneeze would bow her over. "You needn't fear me child." Odin mentioned softly in passing, a voice so deep and even that it should be reassuring. The tone did the exact opposite for Sid. He moved past her in effortless grace and approached Steve with a keen eye. The King reached out his hand to the warrior, "I have heard of your great battles. Thor promises me that your skill rivals that of some of my own warriors."

Steve blushed beneath his helmet but kept his warrior's frown and nodded, "I am extremely grateful for all you've provided for us." He shook the god's hand and felt a distinct drop in his ability to process the situation. He was shaking hands with an all powerful being. He cleared his throat, "Your son is one of my dearest friends and most trusted teammates. I thank you for teaching him to be not only an outstanding warrior, but an honorable person."

Odin scoffed slightly, "His own journey created his honor. I can only do so much as King and as his father." He glanced at Thor with a nod of approval and Steve could see how Thor tried to hide his smile. Steve looked at Sid, but she was still just standing there in her spot, unmoving. He wasn't sure, but she looked like she might be shaking.

"Demonstrate your gifts for me." Odin commanded as he rounded Sid and she jumped at the sound of his voice.

She nodded and glanced at Thor who pulled over a tray of different items with a teasing smile on his face. He was probably well accustomed to seeing people awed by his father. She shot him a weak smile, hoping he would continue to mistake her blinding terror for intimidation and eyed the items carefully, finding a distinct familiarity as she dug her fingers into the bowl of dirt. She looked at Thor surprised, "You brought it from earth?"

Thor nodded, "Tony and Bruce were unsure if you would be able to manipulate the elements of my home. Essentially we are all made up of the elements of the universe, just combined in different ways, but we will stick with what you know. We can experiment later." He winked.

Sid nodded and glanced back at Odin who was watching her in a way that felt far too intense. She placed one hand into the dirt and with the other, she dragged her finger in a line along the surface. When she reached the edge of the bowl her finger jumped and a stream of sand followed after it, swirling in a perfect replication of her finger's movements. She sewed her finger through the air, the dirt followed like a terraformed ribbon, dancing while Odin watched her carefully until she laid it all back to rest. Her hand went to a bowl of water next and she performed a similar trick, this time water trailed after each of her individual fingers, a stream of lines dancing around her in wonder before settling back in the bowl she tethered herself to. For air she reached out to Steve and he handed her a few marbles. In an act that looked specifically poignant to her, she spun the balls in a little vortex of air, swinging and swirling around each other at great speeds. Next was fire, there was a bowl of it and nothing else and despite the broken laws of physics, she just thrust her hands into the basin and pulled out two fists that were fully engulfed in the bright heat. She showcased her hands slowly and then combined the two flames into one and held an inferno aloft in her grip. Odin seemed to smile as she put it back.

She stepped back a little shakily, trying to get herself closer to Steve, even by an inch. There was something that was poking at her mind as she looked at Odin. She wasn't just intimidated by him being _the_ god, there was something about him that _terrified_ her.

"That's sort of the extent of it." Sid murmured as she edged towards Steve.

Odin stood slowly and eyed Thor seriously, "Take her to the scholars. Have your tests run. You know what should be done and they can give you further guidance. Report back to me when they have finished and we shall consult."

Thor nodded with a pleased grin, "I will Father."

Odin nodded to his son and to Steve, and then his eyes trailed to Sid, lingering on her for just a moment longer than she felt necessary. He began to walk from the room and Sid felt her entire gut twist, but she couldn't be rudeto the King who gave her food and shelter. She had thanked humbler people for much less.

"Thank you!" She blurted and then added to it in a last ditch effort, "Thank you, All Father."

Odin's lip hitched in a very faint grin and then he turned with Thor as they spoke in hushed tones, leaving Sid and Steve in the hall where Sid could finally take in a full breath.

Thor returned slowly, looking excited and encouraging, "I will show you to the institute." He nodded and offered Sid the chance to walk out first.

She smiled tightly, which Steve noticed, and hurried past, doing her best to keep her emotions under control.

When they reached the institute, Sid was absolutely flabbergasted. All thoughts of Odin absolutely evaporated as she strolled through the halls, leading to classrooms, libraries, and research rooms. She kept trying to step through individual doorways, instantly fascinated by each thing she saw, but Thor kept a firm hand on her shoulder to redirect her to their objective.

Steve stood back and tried to figure out what was wrong with Sid when she met with Odin. He'd seen her nervous, he'd seen her intimidated, he'd seen her angry, and everything in between. While Odin observed her, there was a distinct emotion that he was able to read in the tension of her shoulders or the unease of her jittery hands. Despite her everyday gracelessness, she poured everything into her movements, especially while using her powers. They might not have been full to the brim with finesse, but they were boundless with care. When he watched her somewhat haphazard manipulation of the elements, something he knew was natural and somewhat soothing for her, he realized she was _scared_.

He kept his mouth shut as Thor walked her through the process for testing. The scholars smiled affectionately at her as she asked questions, yearning to understand. They seemed pleased with her desperate drive to grasp at the complexity of the universe and ran with it. They explained the process to her rather patiently, detailing the types of things they were looking for, and how her body might react. There was clear care and respect for her as a patient and at least here, Steve could feel a little bit safer. She seemed more relaxed in the hands of space scholars.

After tests were concluded, she met with a few of those who studied magic. Steve and Thor sparred quietly in the ring nearby once she became too focused to even acknowledge them. The scholars tried to tap into her powers and Sid worked with them tirelessly, eventually stripping down to her basic tunic and the leggings she wore underneath her dress. She found quite a bit of difficulty in working with the elements of Asgard.

Eventually though, something seemed to click. Though she was nowhere near her proficiency with the elements of her own world, she found a distinct sort of challenge in moving the alien air in tight streams, holding the water into a form and molding it within her fingertips, desperately trying to hold the fire that licked at her fingertips just a bit too warmly, and kicking a chunk of rock at Thor and Steve who seemed aggrieved that it interrupted their sparring.

In the end, she was drenched with sweat and covered in Asgardian dust and grime. Her limbs were loose and her breathing was labored but there was an obvious grin on her face: she was pleased.

"Nice work out there." Steve finally commented after they returned to their room to get cleaned up.

Sid chuckled as she wandered into the bathroom, hopping into the bath. Steve followed a bit after, giving her some privacy, and then pretty much just wiped his face and neck clean in the mirrors lining the walls. "Thanks. It was an interesting feeling. Harder, but in a good way. It felt so much different from when I'm on earth, but I liked it."

"A new connection?" Steve muttered as he glanced at her reflection, one of her legs sticking straight in the air as she strained to reach for her toes.

She groaned and then gave up, nodding tiredly, "Yeah. New, but cool."

Steve chuckled as he turned and leaned back against the counter, starting to remove his Captain's gear. "I got to admit, this is a very interesting place."

Sid nodded, thoughtful. "Yeah." She added absently.

Steve laid out his clothing as he undressed leaving him in a skin tight shirt and a set of pants all created and managed by Tony Stark. It clung to him so tightly Sid wasn't sure how protective it could really be, but if she knew anything about Tony, he made it that tight on purpose just to spite Steve. The damn thing could probably stop a tank even though she could easily see the peak of his nipple poking through the material. She snapped out of her exhausted nipple trance when Steve spoke.

"So what's going on? You've been off since we met with Odin." He finally pressed, leveling her with a gaze that looked like he already knew.

Sid mentally cursed. "I don't know. I was just intimidated." She shrugged tiredly and then leaned back into the water, trying to dispel her severe unease in thinking about the all powerful god.

Steve chuckled, "I've seen you intimidated." He grinned as he sat on the edge of the tub but didn't look down at her. He was respectful of that level of privacy, despite Sid's lack of care for nudity.

She sighed heavily and glared at him as he stared at his hands. "Well, excuse _me,_ little miss mortal, for being utterly terrified of the strongest man in the known universe." She replied bitterly and Steve flinched at the tone in her voice. He knew he struck a nerve.

"I understand that Sid, hell, I felt it too when I shook his hand. Could have messed myself I was so caught up in the grandness of it all." He pushed a little further when he saw her tiny grin, "But you were really scared Sid… What is it?"

Sid shrugged, pulling out something else that was bothering her, "Just made me think about Heimdall, how he wanted to kill me, said I shouldn't exist, something about Odin that he couldn't talk about. I was just sort of expecting the same treatment."

Steve exhaled heavily with guilt. "I'm sorry Sid. I shouldn't have pushed."

Sid sunk under the water a little more in shame. She hated lying to Steve, but she didn't know how to possibly explain that the All Father triggered every negative feedback loop in her body, "I know. I know you just care."

He finally looked at her and though he could probably see beneath the film of the water, he stared directly into her eyes without a hint of hesitation, "I do, Sid." He pat the side of the tub with a grin and stood slowly, "After you finish, we'll go get something to eat, all right?"

She nodded with a tired smile and Steve left her to relax. She sunk into the water and tried to quell the thumping of her heart.

Meeting Heimdal was surely a horrific experience, but she trusted Thor and realized this situation wasn't exactly ideal. The warmth of Thor and his friends seemed to be just what Sid needed to feel at ease again, but meeting Odin had pulled out a severe fear that crept into every crevice of her body and she was very much _afraid_ of her current dwelling.

She wasn't sure what it was, but a little voice in the back of her mind screamed that something was rotten in the state of Asgard.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Sorry i didn't update last week. My computer was formatting stuff wrong and the websites were being weird so I gave up and decided I'd just give you two this weekend. We are a good 3/5 of the way into the story. EEEEEEEEEEEE stuff is happening!**


	36. The Bastard Of The Universe

_36 : The Bastard of the Universe_

* * *

While Sid laid in the Soulforge, talking distractedly to the scholars who examined her, an unseen force appeared in the room around them. However, no one seemed to notice there was a shadow slipping into the cracks and corners, listening intently to the information that was being supplied.

Thor was engaged in a conversation with the Captain and Sid was giggling at something one of the young scholars said.

Above the girl, the readings of the Soulforge danced in the air. Distinct lines of light curled between pieces of information the scholars and the shadow could read easily enough, though it left Thor and the humans a bit in the dark.

The information supplied was not quite enough for the shadow to reach a conclusion. The power of the stranger seemed inconsequential, though highly intriguing. Perhaps he could use her at some point, perhaps he could mold her into a better weapon.

He read the thoughts rallying through her mind earlier, passionate and thankful as she looked at the soldier. She was quite _devoted_ and it showed in the tingling of her energy. If the shadow decided that he needed her, she would easily be kept in line by the love for her Captain. The shadow could have laughed, what predictable creatures humans were.

The darkness crept slowly into Sid's mind, reaching out and finding little defiance after an initial flash of defense that caused the her to flinch and the Captain to rush to her side in aid. The interloper grinned widely at the thoughts raging between them as they remained unaware of his presence. He thought there was much he could do with this disastrous situation, feeble minds and all that, but he figured he could save this knowledge for a more poignant time. The Captain placed a hand on her head to help sooth her and it made something ugly and discontent rage up inside of his gut, maybe he wouldn't need this Sid, but he did love to play his little tricks. One might be just innocent enough.

The shadow rallied a tiny bit of magic and prepared to leave. But a single stream of light folded itself into the readings of the young girl's energy and he paused, curious. The scholars missed the small blip of light, but the shadow didn't.

He _knew_ that energy.

He _craved_ that energy.

He surged forward, unnoticed by the tiny minds surrounding him, and gazed into the readings, searching for that tiny spark.

There.

A few moments passed.

Again.

It remained unnoticed and a slash of a grin slowly spread on pale, frenzied lips.

He gazed at the stranger, lying beneath the tendrils of the soul forge as it unlocked her deepest, darkest secrets. He was pleased by that petty sort of humming that began when the Captain touched her. Like a tuning fork resonating at the perfect pitch.

He moved himself closer and examined her features, all strange and captivating, something that could be easily used to his advantage. He reached out slowly and pressed a single finger to her chest, near her heart. As she stared at the Captain, her entire body shivered as Loki purred, "A forgotten branch…"

Yes, he would have to keep a close eye on her.


	37. A series

_37 : A series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind_

 _(Mature content)_

* * *

Sid woke slowly, stretching pleasantly into a familiar warmth at her back. She snuggled a bit into it and felt a harmonious purr of approval in her ear. She liked that very much. Smiling, she opened her eyes, familiar, happy, and somehow very aware that she was feeling so, within the confines of Steve's bedroom.

Strong arms wrapped around her and it wasn't until she went to wind her fingertips in his that the cool metal slipped against her skin and she felt surprise.

 _Oh?_

 _And who is this?_

She blinked and forgot the question. Lips pressed into her neck and she curled against his warmth, her fingers entwined with his, and her other hand reached itself up to get lost in long brown locks of the man behind her. Her eyes fluttered shut as the trail of a tongue tip dragged up to the bottom of her ear, alighting a fire within the long dormant depths of her core.

"Morning…" Bucky growled into her jawline, finishing the sentence with a nip from his teeth.

"Morning." Sid spoke as if the _good_ was a given. She rolled in his arms, face to face and gazing at him in appreciation like she did every day. He pressed his lips softly to hers and it felt right, didn't it?

As if to prove its own point, the kiss deepened between them. Hands fisted in her hair, holding her mouth in place as he ravished it. Her own hands clenched at his sides, one gripping supple, strong flesh that burned against her fingertips, the other, a digit or two of skin and the rest, slick across a cool expanse of metal. She pulled him closer this way, using every ounce of her strength to press against him and feel that rush of _something_.

His teeth and tongue sang a chorus down her neck until, frustrated by a slip of fabric at her chest, he huffed out his distaste. He tugged the thin material down over the small curve of her breast and the heat of his mouth on her charged skin clipped a yelp from her. A hand fisted into the hair at the base of her skull, tilting her neck back and bowing her skin to the will of his lips. She sighed at the sensation, familiar, exhilarating. His tongue darted out slowly, cradling her nipple before pulling it fully between his lips.

A door opened behind them and Sid felt surprise, but then she didn't. Wrapped in the arms of the man before her shouldn't warrant any nerve. This was what she needed, this is what was right. As her skin begged for the man pressed up against her, wrapped in her limbs, she felt a pang of something missing. Like another heat was yet to be awakened.

She turned her gaze with a laborious mouth on her breast and spotted Steve as he came out of bathroom, a pair of boxers on his hips as he slid a shirt over his shoulders. Sid felt a surge of something ecstatic when a tongue flicked her nipple and she stopped Steve in his tracks with a moan behind her eyes.

"Come on guys!" Steve practically growled when he saw them, looking almost comedically enraged. "I _just_ showered." He griped as he walked over to the bed with determined stomps.

Sid was afraid he'd tear her away from Bucky and she didn't want to go away. But she did, she couldn't be between them. She shook her head and caught sight of Steve, whipping the covers out of his way before ridding himself of his shirt with a rakish grin.

She knew he would do that.

"Move over." He growled at Bucky.

Bucky chuckled against Sid's breast and with her nipple between his teeth, he purred around it, "Don't mind him doll face, you just focus on me right now." He lapped at her breast with his tongue and sent a sizzle up Sid's spine.

"Come on," Steve demanded, as if he hadn't heard Bucky, "Scootch." He stared down at Sid and Bucky with something between furious greed and abounding love. It seemed he _liked_ watching them together almost as much as he liked being in there with them. Sid smiled up at him while Bucky's hands trailed down the dip in her spine and he squeezed the flesh of her buttocks in his grip.

She gasped against him with a jolt and she was unsurprised to see the bulge in Steve's boxers twitch. Bucky chuckled softly around the sensitive peak of her nipple and then a strong metal arm wrapped around her and tugged. She was effortlessly pulled across the bed and it felt wonderful just to be wrapped up in his warmth. Bucky's energy was intense and furious in its ardor. It was a little bit desperate and needy, but nonetheless eager to please. It was a whirlwind inside her mind, feeling him so closely and so strongly, with their heats all interconnecting.

It just felt _so good_ , didn't it?

She closed her eyes when she felt the heat of Steve at her back. His energy was slow and fluid, something casual yet heady as it dug in its fingertips and made itself a home in their lust. He was all about the long, firm touches and slow, sloppy kisses that turned patellas into porridge. He savored each and every second the longest he could, as if everything was committed to a long standing and treasured memory bank.

The circuit seemed suddenly complete as they all wound around each other. A sudden fervor burst between the three of them and they became a throng of gnashing lips and desperate sighs. Steve's fingers instantly tore away at her tank top and she said something she would always say in that sultry voice of hers, "You need to stop destroying all my clothes."

Steve chuckled as he nibbled on her neck, his eyes meeting Bucky's as he tossed the ruined item over his shoulder. When their eyes connected, there was a surge of heated arousal that enveloped Sid completely and she gasped at the electricity of their touch. Her hips canted against Bucky's in a wholly unescapable need for friction and she sighed when she felt Steve's hand brush over her hips to grab Bucky's. Steve tugged Bucky firmly against Sid, scooting both sets of hips back into his so he could manage to grind Sid further into Bucky's hold. Sid mewled into Steve's jaw as he leaned over her shoulder to watch Bucky work.

"Oh, I do love those sounds." Bucky purred against her skin as he traveled to her other breast.

Steve pressed his hips into her firmly and she felt his erection press between the cleft of her thighs. She groaned at the sensation, it was new and old at the same time; familiar and yet so fresh. "I don't mind replacing those little things, sweetheart." He chuckled into her shoulder while he nibbled on the skin there.

"Wasteful, the lot of you." She snickered like it was an old joke for them.

"I wouldn't say wasteful." Steve shrugged boyishly as his hand shifted from Bucky's hips and slipped between the two of them. His hand gripped Bucky's length and used its slick rigidity to tease Sid's sensitive flesh through the drenched material of her underwear. Bucky groaned against Sid's chest, thrusting into Steve's movements, while Sid rolled her hips wildly to gorge herself on the sensation. After a shuddering whine from Sid, Steve gave Bucky one last stroke before he slid his fingers into her underwear like they belonged, diving into her folds like they were the pages of a well loved book and knowing it just as intimately.

Sid shook softly, her body absolutely on fire with the need she felt for them both. It was a devastating sort of passion, one that filled her up with something even purer than love. It was a moment of unabashed trust and revelation, a bearing of souls and hidden peaces that were a treasure trove of feeling. Something she acknowledged and appreciated in the depth of her love for them was the stringent reverence of their hands on each other's bodies. There was a distinct oneness to the patterns of their fingertips and the maps their hands followed, everyone was touching and being touched as they glided together in something that seemed so utterly perfect. She felt their desire, their passion, in every lapping tongue and slicked finger; every press of their bodies against hers was an indication of their need for her, for each other. It undid her and they noticed it through the tone of her hasty whimpers.

"God, you're good at that." Bucky chuckled as he kissed his way up to her shoulder where he met Steve's mouth in fervent kiss. He carried on the conversation casually as his fingers found Sid's nipple and twisted it with precise force while he nipped at Steve's lips, "Why you up so early?"

Steve shrugged, planting a soft kiss on Bucky's lips as his fingers curled inside of Sid and she shook, desperately clawing at Bucky and groaning into his neck. She always did have a bit of a hair trigger, didn't she? "Got a meeting in a few hours. I went running." He muttered against the column of her neck.

Bucky nipped at Sid's shoulder as she rode out the intense little orgasm that was brought on by the unyielding dexterity of her Captain's hand. The Soldier pressed a soft kiss on her lips, savoring her ardent need before speaking to Steve in a teasing tone, "Well I'm glad you showered then punk. I wouldn't want us getting our little pistol here all sweaty." He muttered this softly as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, his hands trailing down to hitch up her leg over his hip.

Steve moved his hand instinctively, skimming over her thigh slowly before his hand found its place, covering her heat completely, and soothing the sensitive skin with a gentle rubbing. "I don't think she minds." Steve smiled as he leaned down and kissed at her cheek tenderly. His voice was soothing now, honest and without a hint of teasing, "How are you doing down there, doll?" Steve's fingers snaked their way up her body to her chest where Bucky pressed gentle lips against the back of his hand and his wrist as it wrapped around Sid's neck and tilted her face up to him. Steve seemed genuinely concerned.

Sid felt something strange, how instinctively right all of this felt to just be at their whim. It felt so clear, but then she blinked the wrong way and she felt her stomach bottom out. She tried to move, but they didn't let her, their bodies all wrapped up together like they'd never been apart in the first place. She focused on Steve in the haze and smiled, her mind suddenly snapped to calm resplendence as lust filled her again, "I'm great…" She rasped, satiated and like putty in his hands. Steve moved his hands slowly down her sides, his fingers long enough to graze the skin of Bucky's body pressed into hers. He slipped his hand into her underwear again, groaning at the slick warmth that welcomed him. It was exhilarating and terrifying, being wrapped up between their heats, strong and sweet and sinking their teeth in deep. She felt so…

 _Nervous_?

 _No. Never nervous._

"I hope you aren't getting sleepy, sweetheart." Bucky's hand joined Steve's between her thighs and he applied a deeper pressure against Steve's soothing rubs.

Sid shook a little at the sensation, coaxing something cruel back into her belly, "No, I-I'm great."

"Good. We're nowhere near finished." Bucky growled as he leaned forward with a hand shooting up, the juices from Sid's arousal on his fingertips as he gripped Steve's jaw and pulled him in for a surprisingly sensuous kiss. Steve's fingers didn't miss a beat when they slid deep inside of her, his lust emboldened by Bucky's tongue mingling with his. Sid managed a yelp as Steve pulled his fingers from her, drenching his hand with her slickness before reaching out to grip Bucky's length and stroke it firmly into Sid. When they broke for air with Sid mewling and nipping at Steve's jaw, Bucky spoke in a low, reverent tone, "Steve, I want you, right now."

Steve nodded and the headiness slowed to something static, "I'd love that." He pressed a gentle kiss against Bucky's lips and then glanced down at Sid, pressing his lips lingering with Bucky's taste against her cheek bone. "How about you? You ready for another one?"

Sid nodded emphatically, like this was the only thing she had ever wanted. Suddenly all hands were off of her and she was very much bitter about whatever was happening. A part of her felt relieved, but then it didn't.

"Perfect." Bucky jumped off of the bed with a grin and circled it while Steve scooted a confused Sid over.

Something flew over her head and Steve reached for where it landed behind her on the sheets with a crinkle. With a delicately passionate kiss, he rolled slightly away from her and Sid was desperate for more of their contact. Bucky was behind him and dropped his pajama bottoms to the floor before climbing into the bed. Sid was eyeing Bucky and appreciating just how beautiful his body was, with its smooth pale skin that glistened like marble in the moonlight, a work of art in and of itself. Her eyes trailed to Steve in disbelief, his sun kissed skin almost glowing in the pale morning light. Bucky was adjusting and joking, nudging Steve and kissing his shoulder as he tried to focus. Steve was removing his boxers and then rolling a condom down the shaft of a very beautiful and very erect uncut penis while Bucky watched on with eager eyes.

Sid figured she should remove her underwear too so she moved her hands to her lace unmentionables, but she didn't usually wear lace. She barely had time to frown before she shook her head and cleared her thoughts. She moved her hands down to her cotton underwear and slipped her thumbs beneath the fabric and tugged it off of her quaking legs. Sometimes it was embarrassing how rough her orgasms could get. Especially feeling as wound up as she did.

 _You are quite beautiful when you fall apart._

Steve was stroking her face. He must have been talking because she smiled at him and he kissed her with a severe ferocity that dazzled her and made her forget everything else. His hands trailed down her body and he moaned into her mouth when the touches were echoed on his own body by Bucky behind him. Steve's hand went to her hair and the other was rolling a nipple between fingertips, supplying just the tiniest jolt of painful satisfaction as she moaned into his lips. Another set of fingers rubbed gently against her core for a few minutes while she kissed Steve, inciting her ardor and causing her to almost completely lose herself in this otherworldly sensation. The hand disappeared and left her wanting, but she felt Steve gasp into her mouth, Bucky's hand, slick with Sid's arousal, gripped his shaft and pumped it slowly.

"Gotta make sure you're ready, soldier." Bucky purred into Steve's ear as he pumped.

Steve moaned against Sid's lip as he bit it, a sound so beautiful Sid would remember it. Always. _Remember it_.

"Shut up." Steve chuckled against her lips before he kissed her soundly. His mouth almost popped from hers before he spoke sternly over his shoulder to a grinning Bucky biting at his shoulder, "Quit with the loose jaw and just, _oh…"_ Steve trailed off into a gasp that Bucky sorely needed to possess, groaning with delight behind him, as the tip of his penis massaged Steve's opening in a harried gentleness. Steve's moan was as fierce and Sid shivered in his grasp as he held her with a firm sense of love and _possession_.

"Steve…" She whimpered softly as her heat ground against Bucky's fingers wrapped around Steve length, "Please."

Bucky pulled away from the kiss, a quick moan of appreciation as Steve shuddered against her, "Oh, looks like she's eager there punk. You gonna take care of our cookie or do I gotta stop what I'm doing?"

"No." Steve almost growled as his hand shot to her knee with a very determined grip and hitched her leg over his hip. He slipped into her entrance with a long, firm stroke as Bucky's hands ghosted from between them. Sid groaned through its entirety, the intensity was furious within her, but familiar. Always familiar. This was so new and so perfect and she wanted to hold onto it always. He ground himself into her deeply, pulling from her a guttural sort of moan as his fingers gripped her backside to hold her in place. He grit his teeth with his intensity for the moment, voracious in his need to savor this feeling always.

 _Always_.

"You can thank me later sweetheart." Bucky quipped between bites at Steve's shoulder, his hand slipped under Steve's arm and he gripped one of Sid's breasts while the other arm encircled Steve's chest and held him so beautifully closer as he slid home. The harmony of their groans was euphonic and Sid couldn't help the shudder in her thighs that canted forward, urging Steve deeper as he twitched inside of her.

Their bodies moved together with perfect practice, established long ago into an electric ease. The movements were comfortable and intense. Bucky pressed into Steve with a groan and Steve would roll that pleasure right through himself and into Sid. She was bombarded with their ebbing passion, swirling inside of her and alighting something glorious.

She shivered in the intensity of it. She was in a place of perfection as hands and bodies and love entwined and bound them in euphoria. She could open her eyes and watch Steve bite his lip in the throes of an unrivaled ecstasy, and it was eternally beautiful. She'd spot Bucky, mouth against Steve's neck, winking at her as he grinned and rolled his hips to the tune of Steve's moans. She was even the recipient of unintelligibly lusting glares when a certain sound escaped from her lips or she gasped against Steve's chest and Bucky's fingertips. They tasted and feasted on each other, something that was spiraling and unequivocally magnificent.

There was a burgeoning ferocity between them, one that ripped the moans from Sid's lungs and left her unable to do anything but whimper. She was burning with an earnest, beautiful love, like this was the first time and the last. It meant _so_ much to her… Like she'd never experienced something like this before.

But she _had_ to have experienced this before.

They _belonged_ together.

A frown creased her brow, but she opened her eyes and saw Steve lean in, desperate to get his lips on hers and feel that connection surge. All of them were broiling with something brutal and stupendous and Sid could barely manage to hold on much longer.

"Cant wait to get her between us." Bucky murmured into Steve's neck, just below his ear so that Sid could hear.

Steve groaned his only response, his hips stuttering gently as he rolled a bolt of desire into Sid and she couldn't help the gasping mewl that escaped her lips. His next thrust was determined and just as nice as the ones that followed.

"Can you _imagine_ that feeling Steve? Us fucking into her? I'll feel you, you'll feel me, she'll get us both. How perfect will that be?" He whispered into Steve's ear with a snapping of hips and Steve groaned heavily as his orgasm built to its peak. Steve's hips began pumping into Sid and back against Bucky with each, desperate thrust. His arm snaked out and slipped beneath Sid's knee to hike her leg up over his bicep. Bucky chuckled into his ear as he stared down at Sid, panting beneath them both and looking ravishing in her ardor. His right arm followed the length of Steve's and he entwined his fingers, helping Steve grip Sid firmly as they both thrust into her at a maddening speed.

Steve was on the edge and Sid was teetering there with him. Bucky spoke this time, his voice pure sin as it curled into their ears, "She's doing so good too. Makin' us proud." Bucky hummed softly with a twist of her nipple and Sid lost all semblance of control and her body clenched in its final arc. Her eyes shut with a desperate force, needing to shut out every other sensation so this overpowering, beautifully complex feeling could take center stage.

 _Perfection_.

The peak of her orgasm rolled through her and she felt Steve shaking in her arms as his hips snapped her further over the edge. There was chorus of adoring moans and gasps and Sid felt the entire room fill with something pure and unadulterated. She closed her eyes to savor it and gasped at the feeling of Steve's length pulsing inside of her, signaling his end as his hips slowed and Bucky groaned heavily behind him.

The ferocity was gone and the way Steve throbbed inside of her was suddenly like her heart beat a jet of ice through her veins. She was unrealistically scared in the strangeness of the moment, like she had been there and not. She tried to fight off the warm haze attempting to overrun her on the next beat of her frantic heart. The cold bit her again so harshly her eyes bolted open in shock and her muddy green gaze met a leveling, ominous glare the color of Satan's sea glass.

This face was harsh and regal, relentless and unforgiving as it hovered above her where Steve and Bucky _should_ have been. In that moment, staring into the dead eyes of this stranger, she felt a tiny inescapable horror weaving itself through the patchwork pleasure she'd gotten from _them_. Amused lips heaved out a cool breath against her trembling lips and then spread instantly in a slash of a cruel smile. She could not move she was so petrified.

His words were tainted with a lecherous vanity as he pressed himself closer to her, grinding his leather clad hips between her naked thighs and rendering her more immobile than her terror, "Remember this, you petulant girl." He cooed to her with disdain while he rocked into her, despite her desperate attempts to clamp her thighs shut, "Remember them and — _oh_ …" He whispered, pleased as her body panicked through the waves of pleasure he stole from her merely seconds before. His voice was low and sickly amused, "How quaintly she dies a little death." He chuckled as he raised his hand to stroke it through her hair. He gripped it cruelly and tilted her mouth into his, his words breathing horror into her lungs, "You are magnificent, daughter of Yg —."

"NO —!" Sid screamed at him as she tried to surge upwards against his strength.

"—OH!" Sid sobbed as she bolted upright in bed with waving arms. She was panting desperately and her entire body was covered in a sheen of sweat. She started shaking as she gazed around the darkness of their room in Asgard, searching for the _thing_ that did this to her. Because it definitely hadn't been real…

"Sid —," The voice was soft and filled with a sleepy panic as he inhaled a deep breath for a yawn. As if suddenly awake, but not quite at the point of sharpness, Steve muttered a harsh, "Whoa, are you okay?"

The silence stretched as her legs trembled with the aftershocks of her horrifying climax. She slammed her hands down onto her legs to keep them from moving as her breaths became thready and she tried to concentrate. Desire and want surged through her and her head swam in desperation and need. Visions of the dream, of Steve and Bucky, and _whoever_ all tangled up inside of her head and her gut. She did what she could to trudge through shame in just needing to move away from _him_.

"Sid…" His voice was cautious.

Sid curled around herself, tugging up her legs and sobbing as a pooling heat dripped down into her underwear and all she could do was shudder because she had _wanted_ that…

She _needed_ it and it was _gone_.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **I forgot the last chapter was so short...so heres...this...**_


	38. The Assertion of Familiarity

_38 : The Assertion of Familiarity_

* * *

"Sid, what's wrong?" The voice was somehow tenderly demanding in the strange darkness.

"No…" Her voice was but a whisper of despair. She shivered again as her body clenched with need and tears spilled down her cheeks. "It was just a dream." She cried softly and shook her head while she curled the covers around herself to shake away the chill of their absence.

"Hey," Steve scooted closer, but didn't touch her, "hey, it's okay. You're here, in Asgard of all places. I know it sounds like you're still dreaming, but you're with me. Steve Rogers." There was a beat of silence while Sid steadfastly refused to look at him. She couldn't un-see the look in his eyes before he had touched her so perfectly in that _dream_.

It all felt so real.

"Well, now that I think about it," Steve spoke with a slight humor in his voice, "that still sounds like a weird dream: in bed with Captain America on Asgard. Sounds like those stories Tony tells me about from the inter—,"

" _Steve_!" Sid yelled, the insistence that he needed to shut himself up remained unspoken, but quickly understood. He reached out and touched her shoulder as an apology. She feigned away from his touch as if he'd burn her and so his hand retreated and a frown creased his brow.

"What is going on, Sid?" Steve finally ground out. He was Captain-America-Serious now.

Sid sighed, her breath thready as her skin burned with the desire to touch Steve just one more time, to taste the trails Bucky left on his skin. It had felt like heaven. She shook her head out violently, "A-a dream…" She finally stuttered out, taking a deep breath to calm the horror and the lust that raged within her.

"What happened?" Steve said softly, leaning in and ready to soothe her if she wanted it.

Sid pointedly ignored the hell out of that question. She shook her head and shivered again, thinking of the face that was hovering above her in the end, eyes full of fury and a voice like sin.

That _voice_.

"He was there!" She shouted in a panic as she looked at Steve forgetting momentarily about the way his bottom lip tasted between her teeth.

He was positively clueless as he watched her carefully, "Who was _where_?"

Sid shook again, doing her best to ignore the way his skin seemed to shimmer in the moonlight. She looked away from him for lack of something chaste to do, "My dream, there was a guy in it a-at the end." She stuttered nervously, her eyes blinking with the repeated vowels, "I-I don't know who he is, but he scared the hell out of me. His voice, I heard him making _commentary_." She swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. That moment between the three of them had been so instantly sacred to her and that monster had ruined it. She pushed away the horror for a mere moment to speak, "Called me daughter of something." She glanced at Steve and he looked concerned and confused. All she could so was hope he didn't have any more questions about the dream's details, "It's nothing." She insisted, calming her tone and swallowing her nerves, "It's not like I have psychic dreams, that'd be pushing it." She tried to joke, but denying the existence of a treasured pseudo-reality did nothing but crush her heart further.

There was a tense moment as he scrutinized her. She hated being under that gaze because she hated lying, for the most part. When it came to survival she could lie herself silly, but other than that, she tried to live honestly. Sometimes it felt like the only thing she could control. The way he stared at her now, he seemed almost hurt by the idea she'd even be capable of lying to him. The concern in his eyes was like a stab to the gut, but there was nothing in this world that would make her tell him about that dream. She secreted it away, hiding it so only she would find it.

Steve sat forward with a frown, his sculpted body curling around hers in a painfully non-touching way as he eyed her seriously, "Who was there?" He pushed.

Sid shook her head, frantic as words refused to come out, "I-I-I I don't _know_!"

Steve backed off reluctantly. She was shivering madly, with blankets pulled up in a fluff around her. Her eyes were wide and frantic and she looked anywhere but at him. Her hair was haphazard, her eyes red and beady, and her full lips seemed bruised by the way she tried to wipe something away from them. He knew Sid had been acting off all day but now he was really worried about her. He was nervous about what Asgard was doing to her. "Tell me about him then, if you can." He tried gently.

She walked herself through her memory shakily, trying her best not to dwell on that particular unachievable perfection. She closed her eyes and tried to recall the face that she saw, sneering at her suffering. "Black hair, long, and all slicked back and regal looking." She started, her voice laced with disgust and pain, "Green-ish eyes. Intense, like he sees right through you." She swallowed back some of her fear, remembering how he hovered above her, pressing himself against the sensitive flesh between her legs. "Big. Sinister looking." She frowned as she looked at Steve, thankful her terror replaced her lust. "Smile like a knife slash."

Steve blanched and he looked around slowly, assessing, before he suddenly burst from the bed and grabbed a shirt. He didn't bother with boots as he circled the bed and went to untangle Sid from the blankets. Terror gripped him, but he closed himself off completely, not allowing a single thought to deviate him from his current mission: Protect Sid at all costs. He had made that promise to Bucky, he had made it to himself, and in the very least, he refused to let echoes of magical memories torment her in this strange world. And if it turned out to be more than that…well…

It was urgent that he get her to Thor.

He turned to look at Sid closely, shaking and horrified and looking so very small. She grimaced at the merest touch but after what she told him, he refused to take any chances. If the man in her dream was who Steve suspected and Sid was this visibly distressed after an interaction with him, Steve had to do whatever he could to protect her. So he promised himself that he would provide stability, to make sure she couldn't wisp away in whatever affliction this was.

He went to unwrap her legs and he noticed that they were shaking, like the muscles couldn't control themselves. He reached out slowly and put a gentle hand on her thigh, trying to soothe the crazed spasms and something came from her lips that sounded lecherously helpless. He paused his movements and glanced up to her face and she was crying softly, desperate, begging little moans slipping between her ragged, anguished breaths as she stared at his hand with something like longing. She looked utterly torn and conflicted, like she had been broken in a twisted and cruel way and still trapped in the ethers of its absence. He removed his hands from her slowly and a scent drifted into his nose and it overwhelmed him for a moment, firing pure bliss into his brain. His eyes coasted along her body, more assessing than curious, and he noticed the damp spot on her night gown, resting just between her upper thighs. He swallowed heavily and took a step back, finally absorbing her panic and fear and recognizing that he was the reason. He didn't quite know what to do with the rest of his observation: the way she smelled so sweet and she reacted so violently to his touch. The look in her eye was haunting to say the least.

He cleared his throat and went to grab a robe from the closet, bringing it over to her slowly and holding out a hand to help her stand. She sniffled listlessly as she got onto weak legs. Steve tried to help her with the robe, but she pulled away from him. Whatever happened to her in this dream weighed heavily in his mind.

"We need to get to Thor." He pushed back his own feelings and formed a firm scowl as he walked over to pick up his shield, "Now." He wrapped an arm around her as support despite her blistering resistance. She was still quivering in his grasp and every few steps, her face would break with a deplorable sadness that Steve hated to witness.

When they reached Thor's room, Steve knocked softly on the door, not wanting to alert anyone else of their presence since they'd evaded guards so far. Steve knocked a little harder when there was no response.

A moment later, Thor opened the door sleepily, with a large grin and his wild blonde hair sticking out at all angles. He was also completely naked.

"Thor…" Steve chastised and Thor looked down at himself with a yawn before turning and waving them in as he went to grab a robe.

Steve stalked in and deposited Sid on Thor's bed and went to check around for any lurkers outside. Thor was finally waking up now, noticing Steve's paranoid behavior as he panned around in all directions was like an alarm clock to his brain. Thor rose an eyebrow and looked to Sid for an answer, but she was just sitting on the edge of his bed and quivering, a blushing glow on her cheeks below hollowed eyes that stared out at nothing and everything all at once. That sight was truly disturbing.

When Steve closed the doors behind him, he had a permanent scowl on his usually impassive face. He was assessing the room with shrewd eyes, looking everywhere but Sid, unable to allow himself leniency in encouraging her to come to Asgard. He should have thought through this more.

Thor was attentive now as he pulled his hair into a bun at the back of his head, "What is the meaning of this Steve?"

Steve walked up to Thor and huffed out a mildly angered breath. He flashed his glance up to the demigod who was now looking deeply concerned, "Sid had a nightmare." He began and Thor glanced oddly at Sid who trembled beneath their gaze. "Of Loki." Steve added coldly.

Thor's gaze shot back to Steve and he gripped the man by the shoulders with restrained ferocity, "Do not jest…" He ground out through a tight jaw, his eyes watering helplessly.

Steve sighed heavily and he leaned in to whisper harshly, "Listen, she said she's never seen the man in her dreams before, but look at her and tell me you aren't concerned. She woke up screaming and _sobbing_ , Thor." He emphasized. "She wasn't in New York when the Chitauri attacked. She wouldn't have come in contact with him. Not there." He looked over at Sid who was now cross legged on Thor's bed, gnawing on her thumb and glaring at the floor in some sort of crazed grief. "She described him though, to a tee."

Thor frowned, "Are you _sure_?" His voice rocked along a jagged edge.

Steve glanced nervously at Sid, "Only one way we can be. Do you have a photo? An image?"

Thor nodded slowly and he retrieved some of the holographic files from Loki's imprisonment on Asgard, he brought up the documentation of Loki in his cell, in his finest garb with his coldest grin.

"Sid…" Steve voiced it quietly and it still shocked Sid out of her trance.

She jumped and after her heart sunk back down from her throat, she nodded, glancing at Steve with sad, tired eyes. Then she finally noticed Thor and tried to give him a smile, but when her eyes flickered to the image projected on the table between them, her blood ran cold.

"That-that's —," Sid tumbled off the bed and onto her knees. Both Thor and Steve lunged forward, but she scrambled to her feet and pushed past them to gaze at the image with a virulent contempt. "He — he…" She swallowed back the words that she couldn't say, the ones that voiced the importance of that vivid lie, " _Who is he!?_ " She demanded in a broken, clipped tone as she turned on them with unbridled rage in her eyes.

Thor grimaced slightly, "Loki Odi —," Thor swallowed slowly, as if admitting defeat, "Laufeyson…My brother…"

"Thor lost him a few years back, he's dead." Steve stated, trying to keep the tinge of anger out of his voice. He understood that Loki was Thor's brother and he was not raised to speak ill of the dead, but if Loki was alive and somehow toying with Sid, Steve would place a written guarantee on being the one to drive out the remaining vapors of life from the trickster god's body.

"What happened in this dream?" Thor insisted as he stepped towards her.

Sid withered at his size and his dress, even the robe was resplendent enough to remind her of the soft fabric that pushed between her thighs as that devil hovered over her naked body. There was a distressing sort of cultural resemblance in the way Thor held himself compared to his brother and it made her quake. "I was…" She started nervously, knowing she'd never tell anyone about the content of the dream or how she felt about it. She grimaced slightly at the steep need she had curling in her gut, one that had been there for a long time now and only worsened after the dream. "I was at the Tower with Steve and Bucky. Just like every other day." She forced it out, she had to.

"What were we doing?" Steve insisted, trying to find what clues may lie in the images of her memory.

Sid locked away her tears as she lied to his face, "Just hanging out." She swallowed heavily, unease coiling in her chest as she stared him in the eyes as she said it. He'd figure it out, he always seemed to. "You know, all the stupid stuff we do. Reading or cooking or I'm showing you guys something you missed. Friendly. _Intimate_." The word rolled off her tongue and she instantly regretted it.

Steve caught the cadence of her speech and the twist of pain in her brow and something in his gut seized at the sound of her voice.

"What happened?" Thor continued.

Sid sighed heavily and refused to look at Steve any longer if he was going to stare at her like that, like he was scared of her. "We were just together and it felt natural, normal, but something was nagging at me. It was like I felt something was off but I couldn't put my finger on it and then it'd get corrected. The next second I was fine, but it kept happening. Like I was getting adjusted to what I was doing in my dream so that it all felt _right_." She gulped heavily as heat rose in her cheeks. Her look was frantic when she eyed Thor and she wilted with the whispered words, "Suddenly, I was just too aware or something and I felt this chill." She hugged herself against the terror of the moment.

Steve wanted to go and hug her, supply her with the one good quality she jokingly touted he had going for him: body heat. But he couldn't, he was still so shocked about what that simple word implied: _intimate._ The tone in her voice, the way she was avoiding him, and how she reacted to his touch. He was horrified to think that Loki hadn't been the one torture Sid at all, at least, not directly. Steve instinctively stared down at his hands, as if they were culpable, wondering what sort of horrors Loki inflicted on Sid in her dream.

"Then I just saw him, that face." She pointed to the image and her lip trembled, "Everyone was gone and it was just darkness and cold and _him_." She crossed her arms again petulantly, looking away from the image of her tormentor. His smile was _exactly_ the same and it burned her for him to look so utterly smug.

"Why, Thor?" Steve's tone was a warning as he glared at the picture of Loki.

Thor rubbed his head, lost and hurting, "I am unsure Steve. If they have never met…"

"Thor!" Steve growled.

" _I do not know!_ " Thor bellowed with a disastrous sadness in his eyes to accompany the booming rage in his voice. He sighed heavily, trying to regain some of his control "I do not know what villainous plans exist when it comes to my brother. I lost the ability to trust myself when it came to him long ago."

Steve frowned as he exhaled, understanding Thor's grief and the confusion that this revelation would likely cause. "Investigate it then, Thor. Until we figure this out I think it's best we go back to New York. Where I can keep her safe."

Thor nodded solemnly, "I believe that is wise." He stalked over to where Mjolnir was sitting on a table next to his pillow and he picked it up. With a tense jaw and a flex of his arm, he gazed down at the hammer in his grip with a fierce glare. A flicker of lighting caused Sid to look away and then Thor was standing there, in his traditional warriors garb, sans cape, and a face that looked ready for battle.

"Damn, that's nifty." Steve murmured as he walked over to Sid and placed a gentle hand on her back.

Sid shivered at his touch, but eventually sunk into it. It was going to take a lot of effort to keep flashes of that dream from popping up each and every time he touched her or looked at her or breathed near her.

"Gather what belongs to you, I will notify Heimdall to ready the transport." Thor boomed, glancing out the window when he saw a mysterious glow of energy emanating from the Bifrost. He chuckled sadly, "Never mind, he is prepared. As ever. Onward then."

Thor turned back to Sid and Steve and took them back to their room to gather their necessities. Sid had slipped on her own clothing from her arrival while Steve was battle ready in his Captain America suit. She pointedly ignored him as he got ready this time and then refused to look at anything but the star on his chest, to remind her of morals she had hanging by a thread, quickly they started moving her towards the Bifrost.

They were deathly serious as they made their way across the Rainbow Bridge. Thor was at Sid's side, gripping Mjolnir as his jaw rippled with tension, there was a very deep sadness in his eyes as he focused in on the Rainbow Bridge and urged himself to focus on the task. On her other side was Steve and he seemed possessed by a still fury. Though he had access to the various weapons hidden in his suit, they weren't really his choice when it came to battle. He was holding the shield as it was meant to be, protecting innocence. His shoulders were squared and he was ready for just about anything. Sid was smack dab in the middle, trembling like a chihuahua and twice as determined to look tough, but if it were even possible to look more pathetic between them, she'd probably be able to adjust.

Upon entering the dome of the Bifrost, Sid was chilled with the wind that was waiting for the vortex to form. Heimdall stood atop his glorious monolith, with bots of light crackling along the ceiling, his sword positioned and ready to thrust them into space.

"There are whispers that you are trying to secret out a weapon." Heimdall spoke in a jesting tone, "It would be unwise to disobey your King."

Thor shook his head, "She is not safe here Heimdall."

Heimdall tilted his head at Thor and then gazed at the anomaly, his eyes scraping over every inch of her addled body. She simply glared at him in response, curling herself smaller as she wrapped herself up. His chuckle was cold as he flicked an eye to Steve and Thor before focusing on her once more, "I cannot watch you and I cannot stop what I cannot see. I tell you this in confidence, that I will trust you." Sid gaped at the glorious man as his voice turned teasing, "I have watched Thor grow from a petulant boy into a King. I am aware how easily things can change." His voice was somber as he spoke, a bitterness common to Asgard it seemed, "However, I have seen every movement and every thought of your Captain here and acknowledge how little things really do so." His voice was low and calm as he leveled Sid with a curiously concerned glare. "If they place their trust in you so absolutely, I can only assume that you deserve it — he does not bind himself to others so easily." Heimdall pointed a big meaty hand in Steve's direction and Steve cleared his throat against the nerves that were trying to peak out through his cheeks in a heated flush. Heimdall continued to Sid with a sad smirk, "You are entrusted with a great power that you may not be able to contain. Be careful and be mindful that all life is deserving of a chance at existence."

Steve spoke this time and fervently, "There isn't anyone in the universe who I'd entrust this power to more!" He shouted over the din of the Bifrost gathering strength, "Sid is _good._ I know you probably can only trust what's directly in front of you — and I used to be a bit like that." He glanced at Sid quickly before refocusing on an amused Heimdall. "She changes that about you."

Heimdall chuckled softly as his hands raised to fit themselves around the cross guard of his sword.

"I cannot return with you!" Thor shouted to them, nervously, "I hope you understand…"

"Your kingdom is more important!" Sid shouted shakily and nodded, "Protect your people."

Thor nodded heartily in thanks, "Once I receive the conclusions from your tests, I will send them to you." He looked around anxiously, "The only copy will remain with you and you alone. I will ensure they include instructions on how to interpret the results that Tony and Bruce will understand." He pulled Sid to him in a sharp hug and held her tight, "I'm sorry that I cannot do more."

"You did far more than enough," Sid hugged him right back, "I'll be fine."

Thor pulled back and nodded to her fondly, "I agree."

Sid stepped away from the embrace with gratitude on her quivering lips and waited for Steve and Thor to say their heartfelt goodbyes. When Steve wrapped his arm around her, shield in front to protect her during their travel, he inhaled a shaky breath and tried not to think about hurtling through time and place with a possible maniac on their heels.

Heimdall gripped his sword and Sid watched as his muscles tensed to return them from whence they came. He paused momentarily when he caught her gaze and his eyes softened for only a moment. When he spoke his words were full of regret, "Everything has its origin in the branches of the universe, even you." His fingers tightened on the sword and Sid frowned at the words, muffled by currents of wind. "If you desire to know more about your life and creation, you need to search for the World Engine. You may find your answers in the annals of the serpent." The ending of his grim sentence was punctuated by the downward thrust of his sword.

Sid surged forward with a question on her lips as the world around her burst into light. Her tortured and strangled, " _What_!?" only echoed out into the sky of New York as Steve grappled at her waist to keep her close through their instantaneous travels. He held onto her as she stumbled in incomprehensible shock, wavering on the helicopter pad of Stark Tower in the high winds and shouting at the night sky for Hiemdall in futility. Sid finally crumpled with the burden of her reeling emotions and Steve fell to his knees with her, holding her closely as she cried in rage and desperation, pulling curious Avengers from their places in Stark Tower to see what in the world could cause someone to sound so horrifically broken.

People always said the trip home seems shorter…


	39. Bitchfests and Bifrosts

_39 : Bitchfests and Bifrosts_

* * *

"All that yelling seems like a really weird ending to your honeymoon." Tony strolled out first with a few confused Avengers on his tail as he shouted at Steve and Sid who were in an odd writhing heap on the helipad.

Steve looked up and his eyes locked with Bucky's first and the look in Steve's eyes made Bucky react instantly.

"Hey!" Tony protested when Bucky shoved past him to run up to the helipad. Tony glanced back at Sam and Natasha who were both frowning in confusion.

Bucky leapt up to the platform without a moment's hesitation. He ran over to Steve and Sid's crumpled, sobbing form and he almost throttled Steve right there. But when his eyes met the tormented gaze of the Captain, Bucky froze and waited. A silent confirmation passed between them and Bucky understood that whatever happened to Sid was far more important that Steve failing to keep his promise. While Bucky glared at the Captain, he was almost shocked to see how Steve's facade was broken, his gaze was desperate and concerned, looking at Sid like she was slipping through his fingers as if she were made out of sand. What Bucky finally understood was bringing Sid back like this, _was_ Steve keeping his promise.

He scooped Sid up into his arms and nodded at the Captain as the rest of the group clamored up to their level. They both stood in unison and squared their shoulders to the approaching throng of confused, nosy heroes.

"I'll take care of her." Bucky practically snarled and Steve could only nod as he faltered to restore a sense of calm.

"Hey, so —," Tony started as Bucky cradled Sid against his chest and pushed past the rest of the Avengers in haste. "What the hell happened?" Tony was almost frantic as he watched a belligerent Sid and Bucky stalk away, "You guys go off on a sweet little trip to Asgard and you come back here falling to pieces and and Sid looking like she's seen a —." Tony froze instantly as his mind pieced things together. He glared at Steve for a moment in disbelief and the Captain merely nodded.

"What does she need?" Sam interjected, not caring to delve into the drama of the moment if he could be of use somewhere else.

Steve shook his head at Sam and glanced at Natasha, "She might need help with her medication. It would be easier for you to figure out that apparatus of hers compared to Sam or Bucky."

Natasha nodded curtly and turned on her heel to follow after Bucky and Sid.

"Debrief, now." Steve practically snarled to Tony as he pushed past him, unlatching the clasps of his helmet as he tugged it off. "Up your security Stark. We've got a revived threat."

"And which threat do we owe the pleasure to?" Sam grumbled, already half knowing the answer.

"Loki." Tony almost growled but his breath went a little thready with the weight of the implications.

"Sid saw him in a dream." Steve added, "I would almost disregard it, but," he paused with the weight of his own fear on his lips, "well, you saw her."

"She's wrecked." Tony shook his head, "That can't just be Loki can it?"

Steve sighed heavily as they made their way inside and he began to dismantle his uniform, "The entire trip was a nightmare." Steve grumbled as he kicked off a boot, "The second we arrive, she had an Asgardian blade the size of a coupe aimed at her jugular and the Guardian of the Realm Eternal that _Sees All_ tells Sid she is not supposed to exist."

"Harsh…" Tony muttered unhelpfully.

"Jesus…" Sam grumbled, massaging his forehead in distress.

"So where does Loki fit in?" Tony exhaled heavily as he leaned up against the bar.

Steve removed his armored chest plate with a scowl, "A nightmare, nothing more, but like I said, you should have seen her, this is her calming down. She was _petrified_."

Tony nodded softly, examining the careful fury of the Captain as he disrobed. "What else?"

Steve scoffed, "We didn't get the answers we went for and it ended up with Sid turning into something unrecognizable — she's worse than when — she did _not_ deserve that!" He spat as he paced, his voice gaining a seething momentum with each step, "I want to know why an Asgardian God tried to kill her and why a madman she's never even met is using _me_ to haunt her dreams."

Sam frowned heavily and watched as Steve jerked to a stop when he realized what came out of his mouth, "You?" He looked at the angry blush that rose on Steve's neck, one that appeared to be full of fury and shame that the soldier shouldn't feel.

Tony stepped forward hesitantly, almost kind, "You think he had you —?"

Steve shook his head ruefully, "I don't know what he did, she won't talk about it. She looks at me and she's so fragmented I can barely stand it. She's in so much pain and he caused it. That place _terrified_ her, Tony." Steve shook his head slowly, "I don't know why I ever let her —,"

"Ha!" Sam barked his laughter, "First off, you didn't _let_ Sid do anything. She wanted to go and I'm sure she'd tell you that herself."

"After she'd whipped you a new red spangle." Tony joked a little and saw a little fragment of calm in Steve's anger.

"Second, she chose to go up there and none of us could have predicted what would happen with any sort of accuracy." Sam insisted.

Tony scoffed, "It's _space_. We have _no_ idea what's really possible out there."

"Only that it's endless." Steve resigned and Tony just nodded in the moment's complexity. Steve looked at then seriously, "There's something else…"

"What?" Sam urged, if a little exasperated.

Tony woke up from his thoughts and focused on Steve, "Yep. Mhmm, what?"

Steve just shook his head and continued softly, "The World Engine." Three single words that could destroy one of the most meaningful relationships he had, and he just let them slip off his tongue. He shouldn't pry, but he had to protect Sid. He had to find out what Heimdall was talking about.

Tony frowned, "Sounds like a bad science fiction movie."

Steve nodded, "I'd almost say it sounds familiar." He sighed woefully, "Heimdall said information could be found in _the annals of the serpent_."

"Annals — what?" Sam looked flabbergasted as Tony pulled out his phone and typed a few things as he sauntered towards his desk.

Steve followed curiously as Tony's workstation put itself into place. "Serpent, sperpent, serpent,." Tony waved a hand in consternation and then began typing. "Ser-pent…" Something clicked in his memory, "Didn't Clint say something about some sort of Snake Association?"

Steve shook his head seeing where Tony's mind was going, but not in agreement, "I'm not sure those were his exact words, but he said the information wasn't yet credible. I don't think a barely there threat would have the gumption for this. It's gotta go back 60 years at least."

Tony shrugged and went back to the screen, "Okay. Give me some time with this, I'll search. Update me on her, okay?" Tony kicked at a chair to pull it beneath him and sat down with ease as he typed.

"Can I come along?" Sam added.

Steve nodded at Tony who wasn't actually paying attention, so he looked to Sam, "Let's go." He grabbed his things and went towards the elevator with Sam trailing in silence, always knowing what to do. Steve figured he would check on Sid and leave Sam there incase they needed help. Then he would shower and eat whatever he could get his hands on and possibly spend his time explaining to Bucky what happened. He would be enormously disappointed in Steve and himself.

Steve tried to piece together some of the last few days in preparation for what he'd tell Bucky. Sid ultimately had breakdown after breakdown within the walls of Asgard and it seemed Steve could do nothing to stop it. Hopefully Bucky would understand. Steve would outright refuse to allow her back in that place, no matter how chauvinistic it sounded, he'd put his foot down on the matter and he was sure that Bucky would agree.

 _Bucky_.

Steve had finally admitted to the deeply rooted feelings that anchored themselves to his being. He had always loved Bucky, always admired him, but it took him far too long to really understand just how _in_ love he was with Bucky. The man was his best friend, his other half. He instantly made Steve's life better, battered or not. Steve had been more hopeful in the last few months of Bucky's resurrection than he had been throughout the duration of years following his death.

Now he was faced with two complex issues at hand: his burgeoning relationships with two very complex people and now the new mystery of what the hell the Universe was trying to tell Sid about her identity. He hoped that Tony could turn up something useful. Maybe he would get some luck in this situation.

When the doors pinged open, he saw Bruce sitting in his kitchen. They were sipping on tea and he gave him a gently puzzled look.

Bruce noticed Steve first and he nodded softly, "Natasha says she's physically stable, half sleeping it off in your bed, but emotionally… It's almost like she's completely disassociated. She helped Sid take some medication to keep her from having another panic attack. They're in there with Bucky, getting her comfortable."

Steve nodded and then glanced at the door with a question on his lips. It was answered when they all heard a desperate wail and then some thrashing and bumping of objects. As Steve bolted towards his room at the sounds, the door popped open and Bucky came stumbling out, Natasha growling something at him in Russian before slamming the door on his back.

Bucky's eyes widened in fury and he surged back towards the bedroom, ready to tear into Natasha for a the transgression of trying to keep him and Sid apart. Knowing that Natasha didn't do anything without a reason, Steve lunged forward and caught Bucky before he could break down the door.

Bucky raged against him with a roar and he turned on Steve with a flurry of angered blows. Steve defended himself valiantly, but Bucky backed him into a corner and was able to grab onto his shoulders before slamming him back into the stone walls.

Sam surged forward and Bruce looked nervous at the idea of going to Steve's rescue but Steve quickly waved them off before Bucky tried to jam his forearm into Steve's throat. They were stuck in a complex arm lock as they glared at each other and Bucky was seething.

" _What happened_?!" He bellowed at Steve and tried to ram him into the wall again.

This time Steve adjusted in his grasp as Bucky pulled him forward. While Bucky moved to throw him back, Steve used the momentum of Bucky's force to slip out from his grasp and reverse the hold. He slammed Bucky's chest into the wall and held him there.

"Calm down and I'll tell you!" Steve growled as he planted a firm arm across Bucky's shoulders and Bucky only seemed to fume in response. They struggled for a few moments, heaving against one another and raging in a tempest of emotion until eventually, they calmed.

"Fine…" Bucky finally snarled and Steve let him go.

They glared at each other for a moment, circling in a dance of testosterone and rage.

"Maybe we should sit." Sam suggested lightly.

Bucky and Steve both let their hackles settle before nodding slowly and walking to take a seat to discuss what had happened.

Shifting until they were all comfortable, Steve waited patiently while Bucky fidgeted anxiously. Bucky's attention was divided between glaring at Steve and nervous glances at Sid's room where he was unceremoniously thrown out against his will.

"It started the second we stepped foot in the Bifrost…" Steve began with a weary tone in his voice. Bucky just stared at the door, trying to use Steve's story to blot out the sounds of wretched crying he could hear from behind it.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **My life has been half a disaster lately and I'm SO sorry for my lack of updating. I've just had week after week of stressful shit happening and I was honestly sapped of all energy. Like, good goddamn... Its been ridiculous. So in order to apologize and make you suffer too, here's a bunch of chapters.**

 _ **loooooooooovvveee meeeeeeeeeeeeee**_


	40. The Sign of Nine

_40 : The sign of Nine in a Place Called Lerna_

* * *

Sid fitfully woke a few hours later to an empty room. She was thankful for that, at least, because she felt absolutely terrible. Her skin felt thin and papery, as if it wasn't capable of keeping itself together any longer. Her head was pounding and her chest ached from all of her sobbing. She had shed so may tears that her eyes felt like tumbleweeds beneath her blinking lids. Everything tore at her senses, making her feel pitifully weak.

When Sid first came to after coming out of her shock and found herself wrapped in Bucky's arms instead of Steve's, she couldn't help the horrified noise that crossed her lips. For just a second she was thrust back into the dream that had rocked her to her core and she wanted nothing more than to press her lips against his and pray he could breathe life back into her. She could still feel the way Bucky had painstakingly savored her in the dream, the delicate touches and heated little nips that drove her insane. She had buckled under the weight of her sadness, in the reality of her now inescapable nightmare. It ripped everything that was good between her and Steve and Bucky with its abrupt absence. That sort of despondency made her instantly shun him in an effort to protect herself.

Natasha and Bucky had exchanged some blows in order to get him away from Sid, ending in a rather vocal altercation that had Bucky out on his ass. Nothing made Sid want to wretch more than the fact that she had denied him the chance to be compassionate.

The door opened slowly and Sid tried not to recoil in fear as a backlit silhouette filled the space. It was not completely jarring to realize that she had been in a similar place only months ago with no idea what fate had in store for her at the hands of superheroes she now considered some of her closest friends.

"Lights to dim." The sultry voice commanded softly and Natasha closed the door behind her, holding a water bottle and a few snacks. "Hey." She said gently as she approached the side of the bed and put everything on the table next to Sid.

Sid slid her hands down her face. She felt like she was sloughing away her skin and when she looked back up at Natasha, a face so usually impassive was now bowed in concern. Sid felt as if all of her shame was plainly written on her features. She sniffled slightly as she reached for the water and took a slow sip, swallowing the chilly liquid and feeling it cool her parched throat.

Natasha continued to stare at her, not saying a word but imparting a certain sense of urgency with her general presence.

"How long was I out?" Sid muttered hoarsely.

"Six hours." Natasha replied. "Bruce recommended a sedative."

"Ah," Sid rubbed at her forehead, "that's probably why I have a headache." She sighed and took another sip.

Natasha shrugged, "You didn't exactly leave us with a choice. When you got back, you were basically catatonic when you weren't hysterical." It wasn't a judgment, just the truth.

Sid swallowed heavily, rubbing at her temples as the last few days played through in her mind. Trying to remember it all shot a spike of pain through her orbital socket and Bucky's tormented eyes flashed in her mind, "Fuck." She rasped, remembering the pain in his eyes, "Bucky, I —, Is he okay?"

Natasha scoffed softly, amused, "He's a big boy, he can handle it." Her humor was instantly gone, "What the hell happened to you?"

Sid sighed, feeling the gut wrenching guilt begin to fester, "Just about everything bad that could happen."

Natasha chuckled darkly, "It seems that way." Her following silence was her only cue for Sid to continue.

Sid chewed on her lip, "Well, my first breath of alien air was halted by the edge of the biggest sword I've ever seen." She scoffed at herself as panic began to bubble in her gut, "Then I meet Odin and I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me but he frightened the piss out of me." Natasha rose an eyebrow at her in a silent question as she knew Sid had a very acute ability in reading people. Sid elaborated, "And I don't just mean he was intimidating, I mean there was something about him that viscerally repulsed me on an atomic level." She shivered at the thought and rambled on.

"Then Steve and I get in such a stupid drunk fight and we say horrible things to each other." She felt her throat begin to close with unhinged emotion, Natasha remained silent, listening intently and examining everything about the context of Sid's words. She expanded on her fight with Steve, conveniently glossing over certain aspects that Natasha let slide. Sid was longing and sad when she spoke of the soldier, something sharp in her chest when she tried to convey how sorry she was for exploding at him in the tavern.

The emotion was a dagger in her throat. "And I have this dream. Th-this perfect thing." Sid spoke the sentence with crumbling, heartbroken sobs riding on the tails of her words. She wanted to tell Natasha just how perfect the illusive vision was, but when the breathy kisses and warm touches melded into the vision of Loki in her mind, her blood ran cold. His sort of darkness seemed to seep through her veins, swirling behind her eyes in a petulant rage as she spoke of the damned god. "Then it's just _him_." A beat passed and she practically snarled the name, " _Loki."_

"What did he do?" Natasha prodded as she sat near Sid on the bed.

Sid gulped back her shame and her guilt, "He gave me a taste of something I've been running from a while now." She shook her head slowly as tears welled in her eyes, "He fucking robbed me of my reality, my control, my _choice_."

Natasha nodded slowly and reached out her hand to place it on Sid's bouncing thigh. "What else?"

Sid swallowed back that silent sob and looked at Natasha, desperate to hide the emotions that really plagued her. She derailed the conversation slightly, "Heimdall can't see me. He told me I shouldn't exist." Her voice was tinny and afraid, her words were laced with a child-like terror. His words pulled Sid back to far younger years where she was unsure and almost apologetic about her own existence.

"That's rough." Natasha placated and Sid smiled weakly.

"This entire trip just ripped up everything in me. I don't got nothing else for it." Sid shook her head with a growl and pulled away from the spy, wiping her face of her shameful tears. She was just about as overwhelmed as a person could get. She felt like the forgotten rind of some freshly squeezed fruit someone had traipsed upon, anything good left inside of her was completely wrung out.

"Listen," Natasha insisted, "maybe all that will make you see just how important you are here." She continued gently, with a tone to her voice that Sid could barely stomach, "You can't keep pretending to ignore what's happening." Her eyebrow rose with her unspoken words, leaving Sid trembling under such a knowing gaze.

She shut her eyes tight and shook her head at the implication in Natasha's tone, "You don't understand Natasha." She didn't often spend her time berating herself over everyday mishaps like maybe staring a little too longingly at Steve's ass in his uniform or tracing the veins in Bucky's arms with her eyes. She'd correct herself, chock it up to it being far too long since she got laid, and forget about it. She refused to berate herself for a perfectly normal physiological reaction. She refused to fester in contrition. She was no Steve Rogers in that aspect. Neither Catholic enough or comfortable with the idea of guilt, Sid tended to not feel bad about most of what she did. She always tried to treat people with respect, to leave them with a smile. She refused to ever feel bad about sex or her particular proclivities, but this dream tore through that notion like tissue paper. "I'm just gonna get in the way."

"You're not an obstacle, you're a carabiner." She interjected and Sid's head snapped up to look at her.

"I can't be that. It breaks me to even think about it." Sid grumbled and curled in on herself. "I don't deserve to." Sid finally spat in a broken rasp. She wrung the bed sheets in her tense hands, twisting to the point where her knuckles went pale and her fingertips burned against the cloth's resistance.

Natasha reached out slowly and placed firm a hand on Sid's, "A lot of times we don't get to decide what we deserve."

Sid glanced up at her curiously, seeing the spy's impassable face scrutinizing her, "Do you deserve Clint?"

That seemed to break the mirage of control for just a moment but then Natasha grinned thinly, "No one deserves Clint." She replied dryly and Sid couldn't help but chuckle softly, she allowed her hands to untwist so she could hold Natasha's hand. "I don't get to decide who cares for me." Natasha insisted, "I only get to decide who I care about in return."

Sid bit her lip softly, gnawing on it a little ruthlessly as she sat in the bed and tried to decide not to love Bucky _and_ Steve. It was so unfair to want so much from them. "I don't want to."

With Sid's closed off body language, Natasha rose from the bed and muttered a quick but poignant, "Liar."

Sid frowned further, bitter at the spy's ability to read her mind, "I'm tired." She lied again.

Natasha exhaled a little sharply, but her voice was calm, "Rest then. Get your head straight."

Sid sighed and glanced at Natasha with a resigned sort of apology.

Natasha just rose an eyebrow, indicating that she believed Sid needed to think deeply on their conversation. She shot Sid a look that resembled pity before she turned away and left the room.

Sid was bitterly appreciating Natasha's friendship at the moment. She tried to restore a small amount of calm in her mind. If anyone could probably be trusted with these things, it was Natasha. Though they never had a traditional courtship like most friends tend to do, they did find a familiar stability in a past full of choices that were not always their own. Their histories were drastically different, but it didn't mean they couldn't share some familiarity in pain. Sid had learned to trust the woman and that was something big. Sid loved easily, but trusted rarely.

Sid was no stranger to loving more than one person. There were so many different types of love in this world, but what she felt for these two men was all consuming. She'd opened her heart to many people in her past, but being so deeply entrenched in Bucky and Steve's drama — so tightly entwined with their emotions to assist their reconnection — she lost herself within the tangled web of _their_ relationship. She coveted what they had. She was wildly envious of the type of fierce love that Steve had for Bucky and the sort of stoic awe that Bucky had on that stupidly slack face every time he looked at Steve. She was enraptured. She was trapped. She wanted what they had and she wanted it with _both_ of them.

She cursed to herself quietly, positively drained and somehow viscerally furious at the same time. She didn't want to truly acknowledge the secretly cherished feelings that were growing for Steve and Bucky. Using them as a means to obtain happiness seemed like the most selfish thing she could imagine. The way she felt about Steve and Bucky was too pure, their friendship too sacred for it to be profaned by something as exiguous as a dream. Despite the absolute bliss of feeling Steve and Bucky on either side of her, she couldn't quite let go of the horrible feeling of being _between_ them. They had spent so long to find one another and there she was, standing between them and so ardently hoping for some scraps of their compassion.

The realization of her true feelings for the men who had changed her in so many ways was unbearably painful. She had finally gotten Steve to admit to his true feelings for Bucky and she knew there was a small part of her that just wanted to be part of something so magical. She hated herself for being so selfish. The last thing she wanted to do was somehow disrupt the connection between the two _long_ lost soul mates.

She decided that once she found out about her results from Thor, she'd be inexplicably gone. If she could get somewhere remote, somewhere out of the country, there was a slight chance she'd be able to hide from two master spies, a hulk, a genius who thought private information laws were more of a suggestion, a demigod, a ruthlessly caring psychologist, and two potentially heartbroken superhuman super soldiers. Maybe she could forget about this perfect little niche she found and go back to closing herself off from real attachment.

She sighed heavily, shaking the anxiety out of her limbs as she tried to stand. Her body ached in a familiar and distracting way, one that was reminiscent of the powerful dream the night before. She tried to ignore how desperate her body seemed for connection and companionship, so she paced back and forth to get some of that heat back into her bones.

The pacing might have lasted a few minutes or a few hours. Sid was completely empty of all cogent thought and rationale. She was consumed with trying to deny the very real feelings that were now taking hold in her psyche instead of being swept beneath the proverbial rug.

The door pushed open slowly and the rather tense form of Tony Stark remained in the doorway. There was a blank sort of look on his face, one tinged with unease and fear of the unknown. Sid looked him up and down and quickly decided that she greatly disliked seeing Tony Stark nervous.

"I found something." He pulled a thick accordion file from behind his back and hit it against his opposite hand with a slap. "I only just started reading but I stopped when I saw this." He reached into the file and yanked out a piece of paper and handed it to Sid. With a heavy frown she grabbed the paper and her eyes flicked across what looked like a cover page for some sort of scientific publication. The dated, splotchy text read,

 **[MKUltra Subproject 8.233]**

 **[Organized through the Scientific Intelligence Division of the CIA]**

 **[Organized through Strategic Scientific Reserve Division of S.H.I.E.L.D]**

 **[Coordinated with the Special Operations Division of the U.S. Army's Chemical Corps.]**

 **[Start Date: January 16th, 1953]**

 **[James Arthur Price, Phd in Physics, Culver University]**

Sid frowned heavily at the title of the paper and its author. She glanced back at Tony who was steadfastly not looking at her. She cleared her throat and followed the text of the paper, down to something that was stamped into the corner. She ran her fingers over the photocopied ghost of the impression slowly, unbelieving.

"What the fuck _is_ this?" She asked with an agonized voice as she gazed at the insignia on the paper.

"This is everything I could find that mentioned The World Engine." Tony muttered, a confused sort of tone to his words.

Sid frowned heavily as she looked between the scientist and the paper she held in her hand. The stamp on the corner was a skull resting atop six curved tentacles.

"I found it buried in Shield's data dump." Tony cleared his throat as he placed the file on the table by the door, "I'll leave you to it."

He left and Sid couldn't stop shaking.


	41. The Secrets of the Universe

_41 : The Secrets of the Universe, the Stardust of the Soul_

* * *

Sid stared at the paper in her hand again and re-read all of the information on the cover page one more time. She sat down on the bed slowly, folding her feet beneath her as she stared between the paper and the file that Tony had left for her. The file itself seemed as threatening as a dandelion, but its contents held the horrors of Pandora's box.

She was familiar with MKUltra, or at least the mythos behind it. She knew a guy a couple decades ago who swore up and down that he was a sleeper agent left over from MKUltra experimentation that had escaped before they finished his conditioning. He tended to only speak in iambic pentameter and had a special way of adding emphasis to consonants that meant his speech could be painfully disjointed — yet still oddly melodic. Staring at this paper made her heart swell with sadness for good old Dimitri. The belligerent old fool, or so he had seemed, could have been telling the truth, but she'd never know since heroin had taken him. She exhaled sadly at the thought, realizing that mind control was no longer a thing of desperate Sci Fi films, just like the patriarchal power fantasies of zero to hero were no longer just another sad joke. She was now overly familiar with such tropes turned human and it made her doubt her reality even further.

Of course, she might be an alien capable of manipulating the elements of a planet she's not even from. So there was that.

She was familiar with the alphabet soup of Government agencies listed on the cover page. That period of time the study was conducted, was emblematized by conspiracy theories and government meddling. Distrust festered in the heart of America and it started its snowballing demise into the jilted, crumbled mess it is today. She'd heard plenty of stories and experienced her own little thatches of darkness during that time. Yet, somehow she was not surprised to see SHIELD's name on the cover letter, if it had to do with abusing power, like MKUltra did, she suspected nothing less than their _coordination_. After what Steve had told her about the agency's demise, it seemed like a sort of sweet, sick irony that they were poisoned from within.

She started with the following page from the cover letter and steeled herself away for a bit of emotional protection. She _had_ to read this if it lead to her history. She _had_ to know where her life started, where this hell of an existence began.

Inside the file was a detailed accompaniment to the study written by Arthur Price, the doctor tasked with said subproject. MKUltra seemed to have many different subsections that branched from pharmaceutical manufacturing, blind population tests, and unclear objectives to mind control, memory altercation, and super soldiers. Its factions popped up in familiar security agencies all over the world in some sick competition to be the very worst humanity had to offer. Price was in charge of such a subproject, number 8.233 to be exact, one that started over sixty years ago. The details of where this new subproject spawned were limited to a single mention of something called Department X that appeared to possibly exist overseas. The study concluded that the use of electroshock therapy and visual stimuli in combination with various hallucinogens were successful in memory manipulation.

The concurrent research by Price took place in New York, down in a secret bunker that was originally purchased by the S.S.R. as some sort of contingency plan for the Race for Super Soldiers during World War II. Sid assumed they probably wanted to be ready in the event they were bested in the competition for world domination by another country, and so make preparations to house prisoners of war. Though, it wasn't specified who these Super Soldiers belonged to, so she wouldn't be surprised if they whipped up such a place in case Steve Rogers became a dangerous liability. It was decadently macabre that they held these new studies almost twenty years later in such a place. Chasing a singular whisper of perfection in the history of the universe after Captain America's long assumed death. She couldn't help but scoff at that sort of fateful bullshit.

The man in charge, Dr. Price was brilliant or mad or an amalgam of the two. As with all brilliance came a bit of eccentricity and Dr. Price seemed no stranger to it. Doing a quick search of his name pulled up an obscure conspiracy theory site that mentioned a suspiciously unethical student study in the Culver University Physics department that left a few students in comas at the hospital. She was sure he was hired by the government, forthwith.

Two copies of files were full of stiffly typed pages but only one had scrawling hand written notes littering the margins. It seemed that after Dr. Price resigned from the affiliated MKUltra project, his printed notes were only the bare bones of his discoveries. His journal was later discovered and submitted into the archive. The later submitted work had added details about the things he learned, the things he questioned, and particularly dark passages of what he feared the most.

Sid shivered slightly as she looked in on his thoughts, glancing back and forth between passages on scattered pages that mentioned one another to make sure she didn't miss a thing. She was desperately hoping to find the notes involving The World Engine sooner rather than keep reading such disjointed nonsense. She could see the rebellious and pedantic propaganda bleeding through Price's writing, laced with that hint of Hydra dissent. Her thoughts of disgust sounded decidedly Steve-like and she'd most likely find it funny at another time. She didn't think she had any energy left to be amused. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to breathe through the emerging panic. This seemed like the beginning of a long running unhappily ever after.

She pushed on, noticing how Price discussed his MKUltra study participants with cold disinterest. He was completely detached from their results, slowly obsessing with the drugs that he used to alter the memories and gain their compliance. It was obvious that his eccentricity slowly morphed into something resembling a psychotic break. He no longer cared about his patients and their results, eventually dabbling in his own testing methods. Hidden claims of enlightenment unearthed other paperwork in the file that revealed that he was slowly siphoning funds and resources into a side project he codenamed: _Askrsd_ _ó_ _ttir_.

The studious notes on project 8.233 MKUltra faded with the continual obsession with this new venture, becoming less about science and more about mysticism. It seemed that he began to have visions while ingesting hallucinogenic narcotics that reveled to him " _the secrets of the universe, the stardust of the soul"_. The phrase itself gave Sid chills but she simply continued to consume the information supplied. She ignored knocking doors, facing her back to the doorway and plugging headphones into her ears from her discarded jacket. The deafening music could barely be heard over the blood pounding through her head as she continued to read the written notes of a madman, somehow supposed to unravel the King James version of her life and purpose.

He finally detailed what his hidden project, _Askrsd_ _ó_ _ttir,_ was really about. It seemed that during one of his drug induced visions, he was gifted a presence before the Universe, the embodiment of intelligent design, the Tree of Life.

 _Yggdrasil_.

It took only a second of research for Sid to realize why she recognized that name. She knew the name from Norse mythology. She'd heard Volstagg speak of it on Asgard. Yggdrasil was considered a holy tree in the stories and now in real life, central to life and lore as the mystical energy that connected the smallest sparks of life to the corners of an unending universe. It was what we humans understand to be _God_. Omnipotent, perfect, the thing to unite chaos into rudimentary perfection.

The Tree _told_ Price that the end of the universe would be approaching swiftly, bringing along with it a sort of extinction that would blot out even the faintest fire of the farthest star in the sky. It revealed to him that with this extinction, life as we know it would cease to exist. However, life beyond our understanding would flourish and become the new reality. In the resplendence of the Tree's visions, Price felt as if he were the harbinger of a new era. Chosen by the universe to create true peace, true balance; until time molded itself into something new and breakable, and therefore understandable. He was a Savior.

He set to work building a machine: The World Engine. The machine itself was intended to run simulations of the type of catastrophic events that would lead to human's ruination. Notes on this were limited and disjointed, a few positively illegible diagrams, that could have been blueprints or theoretical physics postulations, littered the margins and made Sid's vision go blurry with their madness.

In another reference to The World Engine, Price mentioned a sort of benefactor, a man called Borson who seemed keenly interested in the power of The Engine. He was the only other person who was mentioned in the margins, if only once or twice, and Sid was unsure if he were even real.

That was, until Sid reached a particular folder.

The name _Sidrat al-Muntaha_ was written on the cover. Sid opened it slowly and saw a picture that greatly mirrored a meeker version of her strong nose, the guarded slant to her muddy eyes, and a downward curl of lips too full for such a young face. The cheeks were hollow and her hair was cropped in a buzz cut so short it made her fingers search for her scalp, rubbing the tendrils of thick wavy hair between her fingers, as if it make sure it was still actually there. It was all frightfully familiar for Sid as she gazed into her own young and unfathomably sad face. She frowned heavily as she stared down at the only picture she had ever seen of herself as a kid and felt an affectionate terror spreading through her veins. She needed to break herself from the haze of staring at a ghost of lives past.

A quick break for research found that _Sidrat al-Muntaha_ was the name of a Holy Tree within the Islamic religion that marked the bounds of heavenly knowledge as revealed to men, a limit so severe neither Angels nor men could pass.

Sid felt like the tree metaphor was getting a bit stretched.

She swallowed heavily and turned up the blaring music, trying to find a beat in her racing heart that even resembled calm. She placed the picture of herself to the side, glancing back at it every time she read a few words as if to make sure it wouldn't disappear. Price's notes introduced the specter of a child in the picture. She was the product of Price's machinations, of Borson's guidance, she was the result of a simulated experiment intended to bring about a nuclear apocalypse that would wipe out the known universe one autumn eve in 1959.

But that didn't happen. _She_ happened. Within the catastrophic destruction of The World Engine's bunker, Sid's body was discovered, a rather fully fledged human-looking child, no more than five. A child that Price told no one about, not even Borson, though for whatever reason he never did contact Price after the catastrophic event, his notes revealed. She did not exist in the eyes of the Universe, but to Price, she was all he could see.

Price's notes went on to discuss Sid's intelligence and aptitude with a paranoid fondness. He detailed the tests he was successful in completing and bile rose in Sid's throat as she read about the procedures her young body was put through over the years she spent with him. He tested her thoroughly to discover her healing rate and ability as well as the tensile strength of her skin. Results confirmed she was quite impressive. There was no other mention of her elemental abilities.

Her anatomy was rudimentarily studied. Her biological pieces, broken down into bits of unfamiliar data and lingering questions. Her skin was said to contain high levels of various recognized and unrecognized melanocytes, determined to be resistant to damage by evaluating their reaction and function to caustic UV rays for weeks at a time. This new formation of familiar cells was smooth, yet tough, like marble, carved from some missing piece of evolutionary Corundum that paltry humans lacked. Her entire form was lined with proportions of muscle and fat that perfectly padded her organs, able to absorb varying impacts with barely anything but mild damage. She could heal relatively quickly when at full health and slower when emaciated, and with a single touch, she aided another person's immune system in doing the same. Seemingly inane bodily functions were streamlined and perfected, resulting in a dauntless slice of physical perfection, without the messy, faulty Homosapien bits. As she matured, it was postulated that her genetic code could aid in the advancement of the line of human and mutant alike, at least if paired with a donor of great physical and mental fitness.

Even if only marginally in some areas, she was stronger, faster, smarter, more adaptable and capable in her surroundings. Her psychological fortitude seemed impassable. She was created to survive a world much crueler than this one and yet tears were streaming down her perfect cheeks.

On this sheet of flimsy paper, she was designated as nothing more than S.I.D.

Singular Indestructible Datum. A nuclear miracle simplified into three words.

Price seemed to have a cruel sense of humor along with his delusional obsession with playing God.

Her stomach dropped and she felt dizzy as the words swam on the page. She blinked slowly a few times, trying to keep herself from imploding. She was losing herself in thoughts that bled into mythology and cracks between the knowledge of history and existing scientific discovery. She stared down at her dark skin, raking nails over the flesh that bounced back without even a moment's hesitation. The data said she was indestructible, but then why did she feel like she were made of glass?

Her tears dripped onto her hands and rolled onto the pages of her history, of her origins. She was shaking as she finished the last page of Price's extensive journal on her existence. She could barely breathe due to the implications of this research, what it meant for her childhood, and what it would mean for her future. She felt like she was being pulled in every direction, like her cries stretched out into the fabric of the universe to chill every faction of existence.

And yet she felt so desperately alone.

She continued to cry, the sort of noiseless, jagged sobs that rip through the soul. She went on like that for some time. Until darkness overcame her and she bled into unconsciousness, the last words of Arthur Price scouring her entire being:

 _The tree showed me what the child was capable of._

 _What she could be. What I could make_ _with_ _her._

 _She is more than just a force of nature…_

 _She is a force of the universe._

 _She is a forgotten branch._

 _A burl of Ygdrassil._

 _Malleable as the elements in the stars._

 _She is the beginning of_ **everything** _."_

—

What was probably hours later, Sid woke with the slightest twitch. She felt perfectly at ease for a brief moment, warm, and ensconced in something viscerally grounding.

She shifted slightly and her skin brushed against the warm, smooth skin of someone's arm, draped over her side. It was then that her eyes blinked open and she was face to face with Steve, curled around her protectively and sleeping by her side. His eyelids fluttered slightly and Sid tried not to exist in this too perfect of a moment as he shifted, but then she felt the weight of cool metal around her waist, aside its warm counterpart. She felt the stubble of Bucky's chin just barely gracing her shoulders and she tried not to cry with the overwhelming emotion flooding her.

It didn't work.

In her hopeful brokenness, she realized that the men entombing her had cleaned up the scattered papers and discarded bottles of water that littered the bed. The evidence of her disgraced existence was swept away and replaced by the adoring arms of the men holding her and she could only feel despair. In the oppressive darkness of the room, Sid shut her eyes tight and let herself cry harder than she ever had before, because, despite her track record, she felt protected. She could no longer hold herself together. She needed them more than she ever wanted to believe.

Even if Sid had been able to notice while she wallowed in her own personal hell, she wouldn't have caught Steve's lazily opening eyes, glancing down at her with empathy and kindness as she cried. She wouldn't have seen the way Bucky seemed to twitch at the despondency of her sobs as they wracked her body.

She wouldn't have noticed the briefest glance between The Winter Soldier and his Captain counterpart, a gaze held for just the shortest second, that seemed to subvert a century of agony. Sid was too broken-hearted to feel the almost violent shock of emotion that electrified Steve the second he felt the cool metal of Bucky's pinky brushing against his as they held her close.


	42. Everything Hurts and I'm dying

_42 : Everything hurts and I'm dying_

 _Mature Content: attempted sexual assault description_

* * *

SID felt the harsh grip on her arm and it startled her awake.

Her sleepy eyes blinked open in the dingy room she couldn't remember and she tried to lift herself from her stomach on unusually thin arms. A lit backdrop outlined the silhouette that was holding her arm and it just seemed so bright. She faltered slightly as she tried to shade her eyes and soon realized he was attempting to pin her arms behind her back. She struggled lamely as her exhaustion still claimed her, and she opened her mouth to call for someone, anyone, but she had no names to recite. She didn't even know the shadow's. The loss of support drove SID's cheek into the scratchy mattress beneath her, simultaneously knocking the wind out of her and forcing her alertness to its peak.

She tried to speak to the shadow again but was silenced by a glint of light reflecting off his glasses, revealing a sharp grin twitching on his lips. She felt an instinctual terror ripple through her synapses and out to her limbs, pooling somewhere behind her belly button.

"Quiet now." That nightmare of a voice scraped across her senses and SID felt true fear as hands began tearing at her ragged little nightdress.

She began to scream, wrestling valiantly with the doctor above her as he struggled to keep the child subdued. He began to shout at her, striking her multiple times as she flailed beneath him. It wasn't until the fists came out that her struggling began to wane. She whimpered into the emptiness, hating this moment without understanding what was really happening. The clanking of dainty metal jingled with her sobs and she felt the air rush out of her bleeding lips as he climbed on top of her.

She felt time stop in the moment, pure blackness imploding in her gut and almost simultaneously, a frenzied fire shot out into her extremities. She centralized the entire moment and felt like a pinprick of ferocity until the weight of the man squirming on top of her started to dissipate and the something suddenly went supernova behind her eyelids. She wanted to feel fine because of the lost weight, but the flames were busy scorching their way up her esophagus with her strangled shriek. Her screams echoed out into the stillness but were pulled back, begrudgingly, by a black hole of silence and emptiness.

SID felt hands on her again and this time she knew she would fight harder.

—

"SID!" The voice in her ear was harsher but sweeter. The grip on her arm was firm, but cold.

She shook awake with a flail, arms and legs all tangled together in a web of terror as she tried to drink in the breaths that cooled her smoldering throat.

"Sid!" Another voice could have sang it felt so nice to hear, but they were all still trying to sort out whose body belonged to who in the chaos of the moment.

A hand landed on her face and she flinched violently, but soon calmed. This hand was gentle.

"Jarvis! Lights!"

As the lights pulled her from the darkness with a soft, kind embrace, Sid's eyes opened with great difficulty. Her despondent tears had congealed on her thick eyelashes and melded them together. She blinked to regain their freedom, to gain some sense of perspective, but her gasping breaths couldn't stop the pounding in her chest due to her terror.

Bucky was hovering on top of her, his body completely flush with hers from the waist down and his arms pinning her down while he held himself up so he could catch her eyes. Her breathing stilled, still running high from her dream and in a bit of misdirected panic, she _tossed_ him to the side and he flew from the bed and tumbled onto the ground.

"What the fuck?" Steve murmured as he glanced between Sid's scrambling form and Bucky's strewn body, staring back at him in confusion from the floor. Steve knew what kind of strength he possessed. That shouldn't have been possible.

" _What the fuck_!?" Sid screeched as she scrambled from the bed, staring around like a mad person, completely lost. Her panicked vision slowly jutted its way down towards her forearms where just a moment before, Bucky had been pinning her with the collective weight and wisdom of a hundred years of violence. She glanced over at him as he got to his feet, staring at her with trepidation and it made her heart break.

She wanted to sob, but she felt a stab in her stomach that almost doubled her over.

"Sid —!" A voice said in concern.

"Sid —!" The other voice said in consternation.

She felt the white hot heat in her stomach and slowly lifted her shirt to see the tiny scratches of stardust starting on her abdomen. Little cracks chased her veins with her heaving breaths, colored with the purest form of light glittering through her skin.

"No!" Sid grunted, shaking her head vigorously as she stumbled towards the door and pushed her way through. She had to get away. She couldn't be here now. She was trembling as she entered the brightly lit room, the sun low in the sky outside the pristine window. She stared at the glass half with hope, if only she could make it in time…

"Hey —," A familiar voice interrupted Sid's step towards the window and it startled her. She turned to see Clint's puppy dog grin slowly weighed down into a soft scowl, as Natasha stepped forward, her face not betraying a thing — which somehow seemed just as bad.

"NO!" Sid threw out her hands to stop Natasha from approaching her, but the thrumming behind her chest threw wind into her movement and it sent the spy flying backwards into a frantic crouch to catch herself. "I'm sorry. I —!" Her voice shook uncontrollably and she couldn't find a single thought in her head to stabilize her.

This is what she felt.

In her dream.

This is what she felt when she killed Dr. Price.

Her jaw dropped open but the fire surged and she felt the star-lit needles dragging across her clavicle and up her shoulders. She shook against the pain, but the words came out clear, "I killed him." Somebody else snuck closer and she wanted to rebuke them, but she paused. She shook her head slowly and looked behind her to see Steve and Bucky coming out of the bedroom, both poised for war with compassion in their eyes. It was killing her.

Her voice broke this time as she looked at them with a sob, "I _killed_ him."

"What happened?" Bucky forced out, his face withering with absolute empathy for the first time she'd ever seen and it was so disastrously beautiful.

"I — I don't," Sid shook her head to clear the cobwebs, "I can't — it's too much." She was broken in one moment and furious in the next, "He tried to —!" She choked on the disjointed emotions and felt the pinpricks of devastation in her fingertips. She stared down at herself, watching as the light crept closer and closer to her heart and further up her neck, "Get out of here. Please." Her eyes slammed shut and she grit her teeth, though the tremors of her fear were plain on her lips, "I'll only kill you too. I can't stop it."

"We're not going to leave you Sid." Steve implored, stepping forward with his Captain posture leaking out, showing he was serious.

Sid could feel the smile behind her cheeks, but the lights were stinging their way up her neck, centimeter by centimeter. They didn't have much time.

"Do we think that's wise?" Tony mentioned in concerned sarcasm.

Sid couldn't help the jilted guffaw that jetted through her sob and Steve and Bucky sent Tony a scornful glare.

"What? She laughed!" Tony defended himself.

Sid felt a spike of affection spike through her brain and seem the give her the tiniest bit of peace, but it wasn't enough to stop the nuclear reaction forming inside of her. She shut her eyes again, ignoring the terror, the concern, bleeding onto everyone's features. She had to make them safe. She couldn't let them be her victims too. "Please!" She begged, "I can't control it and this time…I —." She shook her head and looked up towards the window, poised to run, only to see Bruce a few feet in front of her.

She saw all sorts of terrors behind his eyes and she felt like for a moment, he might just _know._

A second later he rushed forward and grabbed Sid, gripping her arms for dear life as the lights in her veins sizzled against him. He grimaced slightly as Sid stared down in horror at where he was holding onto her, his skin blistering against hers. She didn't _want_ to hurt them, why couldn't they see that?

"Sid, breathe." Bruce begged when she finally met his eyes.

She sucked in a breath but it did nothing to quell the searing burn in her gut.

"Sid, I want you to listen to me…" Bruce began but the room was caught up in a gust of wind as the brightness in her veins pulsed a little brighter.

A vortex swelled and little bits of papers and chaos began to whip around the room. Sid was shaking, a violent sort of focus on her face as she grit her teeth against the light, trying to keep herself from killing the people she loved.

"Everything is going to be okay Sid." Bruce spoke to her calmly, his voice transcending the whirlwind.

She shook her head slowly, the pain of her memories igniting something terrible inside of her. "It's not." She forced out. "I was an unholy accident. What _he_ did to me —?" She gasped for air as wind practically forced itself into her lungs. "What he _tried_ —?" The words couldn't pass her lips. She was tortured and torn to pieces for years. As just a child, she was molded from innocence and formed into devastation by the heat of Price's desperation for greatness. She glanced up at Bruce with dread in her eyes, fueled by self-hatred, "I _killed_ him."

"Don't —," Bruce had to grit his teeth against the pain, something bright flashing across his eyes as he exhaled and refocused, "Don't do that to yourself Sid." He somehow strengthened his grip on her arms and she felt a rod of heat shot down her spine, somehow cooling her. "Don't try to twist what you feel or what you went through." He spoke clearly, despite the slightest tremor that shook the building to the beat of the glimmer under her skin.

He stepped closer and moved his hands up to her face, holding her steady as he stared into her eyes and tried to find her, "He was the monster. Not you." He insisted and Sid felt her lips flutter open in a desperate sort of yearning to understand. Bruce continued despite the heat rising in waves off his fingertips, "Human beings commit atrocities against their children, their families, every damn day. Innocence gets broken because our world is chaos. I've seen that fact…" He paused slightly and gripped her tighter as sweat beaded on his upper lip. "I've lived that fact…" His voice shook slightly with untold emotion. His fierce gaze focused and his voice seemed so clear, "You defended yourself. You had to. And you _deserved_ to."

Sid had been shaking but she suddenly felt quite hollow, as if the air was clattering around in her soul and whistling through her bones. Her knees knocked and she stumbled, Bruce's hands dropping to her arms to steady her as the wind around them started to quell.

"You were just a kid. He had no right to do that to you." He said softly, the ghost of something else behind his words. He squeezed her arms tight and Sid started to falter again, a fierce sense of weakness washing over her.

He helped her stumble over to the couch as her skin once again darkened to its rightful hue with futile little pulses. The wind died down to a flutter and everyone was staring at Sid and Bruce like they just shook hands with a hurricane.

Bucky and Steve were the first to rush over as Bruce attempted to slip away. His attempt was futile because Sid surged forward and gripped his arm, almost yanking him back down with her if Steve hadn't put a hand up to steady her. "Thank you." She said sincerely, softer tears now running down her cheeks. She didn't quite understand what happened, but Bruce nodded softly and she felt like he gave her the last remaining shard of peace she'd ever feel.

At least until Bucky and Steve took her hands in theirs and began to check her over with military like precision. They seemed to be able to discreetly pat down every inch of her for injuries, while also fussing about like silent but concerned mother hens.

When Bucky gripped her jaw with a bit of compassionate force and tugged her face inches away from his huffing lips while just boring into her with his intensity, Sid finally had enough. She shook free of them with a harsh intonation and they immediately ceded her space.

"I'm fine!" She insisted a little more vehemently than intended. She huffed out a breath that was full of confusion and frustration and blinked her frantic eyes. "I'm fine." She spoke more softly this time, glancing at Bucky and Steve slow enough to make sure they understood.

"You are anything but." Steve added with his special charm, though it had a jagged edge to it. "But we're here." He softened slightly, something sincere brewing in his bright blue eyes, "You're okay."

Sid looked down at the shaking hands in her lap, familiar and almost steady, "I'm okay." She said in sad disbelief.

Bucky nodded slowly, his metal hand twitching just enough that Sid caught it. She felt the smile twitch in her cheek and she reached out slowly and entwined their fingers. Somehow his weaponized extremity calmed something heinously distraught in her.

She turned to reach for Steve and his hand was ready for hers. They fit together perfectly and Sid felt so at peace it was almost nauseatingly unfamiliar.

She glanced between them as she tried to talk, "I don't think —," she gulped back the terror behind her lips and shut her eyes for strength, "I don't think I can explain it. I can't tell this story." She didn't want to cry anymore, "It's barely even mine." Her shoulders shook slightly as her tears begged for release. "I can't face it again. Not yet."

Steve nodded once with understanding, "You want us to read it."

It wasn't a question, she was thankful, but she nodded anyway.

"Why don't you come with me Sid?" Sam stepped forward and Sid looked up to smile at him. His sweetness suddenly purifying the room despite his tired eyes, "We'll get you some food and some distance. Let them do their thing."

She nodded once and tried to stand, finding two super soldier crutches at her sides as she regained her footing. She scoffed a little bit at that and smiled at them with just a hint of happiness. They looked back at her just like they always did.

She hoped that wouldn't change after they read the files.


	43. Finding Destinations

_43 : Finding Destinations_

* * *

At least a month passed after The Incident. The entire Avengers team had read Sid's file, consuming it in different stages of revulsion and fascination that all blended together. They read in pristine detail about the horrors Dr. Price inflicted on her young body to achieve this inordinate amount knowledge in just about five years. They now knew more about her strength and resiliency than they had ever dreamed of, but it was a hell of a path to discovery at her expense. It was hard not to be soul sick after reading something like that.

Sid remained an empty shell of herself during this time, trying to process all of the things swirling around in her brain. If she wasn't alone, she spent most of her time with Sam. Safe and reliable Sam. He was there for her in an irrefutable way, somehow knowing exactly the things she needed to hear, even if he never said a single thing.

She had steadfastly avoided Steve, she couldn't stomach the emotions behind those beautiful blues. She knew he was searching for her. He texted her while she was tucked away in her hiding places, wishing that he could do something, anything, to help her. His requests were completely benign too. Every day, several times a day, he'd ask her if she wanted something to eat, something to drink, something to watch, and he even got so desperate as to ask her if she wanted to exercise. Even he didn't seem so sure of that attempt with the way he worded it. It didn't matter if his stupid charm leaked into his texting though, she didn't know if she could handle his pity now that he knew just how broken she was.

When she faced Bucky and Natasha, she felt a crippling guilt festering inside of her. The studies on MKUltra, subsidized by Department X had been a staple in their lives as well and it wasn't hard to posit that most of the experiments detailed in her file, were intended to perfect both The Winter Soldier and The Black Widow projects. She couldn't handle the blank looks on their faces when they saw her, not reflecting even an iota of their tragic pasts. She couldn't handle the fact that her origins had anything to do with their stoic responses.

She could barely stand seeing Tony either. He was possibly the worst. He looked at her like some sort of pernicious organism growing in a petri dish; not sure if he should patent its power or incinerate the sample that would probably prove to be the undoing of this sad little reality. He was always consumed by his anxieties, this pressure to protect the few things he cared so much for, but he knew he couldn't, not really. That's what drove him mad. He was a good man, a great man even, and she knew he didn't mean to do it, but a brilliant mind is a terrible thing. Sid knew this first hand.

Bruce, she didn't mind so much. When she looked at him, she recognized the monster within and she didn't feel fear so much as a reprehensible companionship. She knew that he understood the sort of devastation she could unleash. She knew he understood just how terrifying it was to look in the mirror just knowing something was _lurking_ there inside their reflection. When she did sleep, which was rare, she spent some nights on his couch. Mostly they just drank tea in silence, glancing at each other with apprehensive smiles and encouraging nods. It was like running into an old friend from AA, recognizing the reality of a relapse, but hoping against the power of fate that it wouldn't come too soon. His tortured beast seemed to be able to resonate with Sid's, pure power and fury, the perfect agents of chaos. But he looked into her eyes and he could smile at her, full of warmth and understanding. Sid hoped that she could one day be as strong as Bruce.

Most of the time, she just hid from everyone with the aid of Jarvis. Whether it was hiding in dark stairwells or behind a wall panel when someone came down the same hallway as her, he somehow understood her need for seclusion and helped her avoid wide shoulders and silent treads. He may have also conveniently locked certain doors at inopportune times for others in order to allow Sid a moment of grief for the child inside herself she never knew.

She was sitting on the balcony of some random edge of Avengers Tower. Breathing in the crisp air of the New York sunrise. She was freezing in the steely blue moment, not wearing much except a pair of sleep shorts and one of her old tattered tank tops. She shook heavily as she gripped the metal bannister she was balancing her backside on. She wasn't quite sure of her own intent so she locked her ankles and knees around the railing's support as she stared down the some hundred-odd stories and wondered what it would be like to fly or fall. She imagined it would feel just the same until she reached her destination.

She exhaled heavily as she raised her eyes and saw her breath crystalize in the morning air. She whistled out a tight stream of breath through pursed lips and it split through the haze of her exhale like an arrow, cutting the cloud in half and sending the half-puffs swirling out on the edges with its force.

As the sun rose, she unlatched her frigid fingers and let go of the railing, raising her arms slowly as the sun's rays scaled up her bare legs, taking its time like it was the dawn of creation. She closed her eyes as the bright rays assaulted her senses and set the world outside her eyes aflame. Through the whipping winds, she felt a bit of warmth curl around her center of gravity. She almost smiled.

"You're freezing Sid." A calm voice said at her shoulder.

Her eyes opened slowly and she looked down to see arms wrapped around her waist, holding her steady as she flew into the sunrise. She scoffed a little and sobbed a little, arms lowering down and wrapping around the delicate embrace anchoring her to Avengers tower and protecting her from herself.

"Come down." Natasha insisted quite sweetly as she held Sid closely, her detached nature receding for a moment, giving them an important moment, broken child to broken child.

Sid slowly unwound her legs and Natasha helped her get her feet onto the floor. Sid gasped at the sharp pinpricks that shot through her bare feet, sending jagged icicles up her shins and causing a dastardly shiver to creep up her frame until her teeth chattered.

"Come on, idiot." Natasha joked in her deadpan way, gripping Sid close and trying to rub some warmth back into her glacier-like skin.

They walked back into the odd office area and Sid was shaking something fierce. Natasha pulled off her worn grey jacket that was a few too sizes too big and smelled a bit too much like Clint to really be considered hers, and wrapped it around Sid's frame.

"I'd suggest we get naked to conserve body heat, but I feel like I'm not sufficiently equipped with surface area to do any good." Her smile was over in a fraction of a second, but Sid appreciated it nonetheless.

They found a plush looking couch in the empty area and curled up on top of it. Natasha sat herself on top of Sid's toes, rubbing Sid's legs in a vigorous way to try and get her limbs to start circulating blood again. Sid remained silent, while the spy wound around her for cursory warmth, completely unsure of what to say to the person whose life one so catastrophically ruined.

"You know," Natasha began as she continued to rub, "when I was in training," her voice was low and somehow even, "they made me do things that would make even the most sinister of men cringe." She paused for a moment, either by choice or emotion, Sid couldn't be sure, "They fashioned me into a weapon that I'm not even sure Tony could disarm. I was six hundred shades of dangerous and I didn't give a damn about anyone, hardly even myself. I knew how to stay alive, but I wasn't so sure about living." Natasha's glance found Sid's face and Sid's eyes immediately dropped, not ready to acknowledge how desperate she was to hear Natasha's voice. Natasha's eyes held too much knowledge, too much understanding.

"I was good, Sid." Natasha almost sounded fond of the memories, but she sobered quickly, "I mean I _am_ good, but I remember feeling _perfect_. I was a stranger to emotion and I preferred it that way. It wasn't until he…" Her voice halted and her eyes held something dreamily sad as she continued, a different sort of emptiness creeping into her tone, "Perfection is a very scary thing that no one warns you about, even the ones who mold you." She cleared her throat softly and continued, "Then when I met Clint, everything changed. I still can't tell you why, but it did."

She stared at a blank spot on the floor and Sid just watched her empty out into herself. There was something horrifying in the way Natasha sat so still, her eyes not so much empty as full of the world around her, ever vigilant, even when locked away in her own less than blissful memories.

"What they did to us…" Natasha practically whispered it. The words on her lips were dying, but the memories were revived, living starkly behind her eyes when she glanced at Sid. It was clear that Natasha was looking at her for confirmation, searching for solidarity in the horrors of their pasts.

Sid's lip trembled at the implication, the simple words a sort of forgiveness for each other's inauspicious infliction on each others lives. She lunged at Natasha and Natasha didn't resist. Sid shook and cried and fell apart all the while Natasha wrapped her in an embrace, something ironclad and affectionate in its strength. What they had endured was a pure and horrifying history that blackened the already dismal reputation of human existence. The cruel world they were born into had intended to destroy them, but they held each other within the eye of their tragic squall and recognized each other's pain, however well hidden it was.

Once their silent exoneration was finished, they pulled apart and Sid gave a full body shiver at the absence of heat. Natasha gave her a half a smile and realized that during their conversation, her attempts to rekindle the body heat within Sid had ceased. She rubbed Sid's legs again and Sid smiled in a small way, ever thankful that despite the horrors of their past, Natasha existed anyway.

"Tony is throwing a gala in a week. He tried to hide it from us for some reason, but it didn't work." And just like that, they were friends again.

Sid snorted softly thankful for the shift, "What for?"

Natasha's smile quirked a bit further, "Probably the _when there's a problem I either throw myself or my money at it and hope something works_ foundation. It's been a bit tenuous around these parts lately. I think he's trying to help."

Sid felt her smile deepen, "He wants everyone to get hammered and pretend like nothing happened so we can all go back to how it was before?"

Natasha nodded, amused, "What they don't tell you about us Avengers is that we all share a common superpower: denial."

Sid actually laughed at that and her lungs seemed fatigued from the effort. "Was he planning on telling anyone or just like, drugging people and when they woke up they'd be in fancy evening wear at a party they didn't know about?"

Natasha shrugged, "I wouldn't put it past him."

"A _gala_." Sid said it in her WASPiest voice. "Never seen one a' those."

Natasha shrugged again but this one was definitely unimpressed, "Mostly it's just rich people talking about rich things and trying to out-rich each other."

"For charity though." Sid added in faux gravitas.

Natasha gave her a full smile, with perfect white teeth and everything, before she nodded, "For charity."

"Well, I make sure I lock myself away as not to scare the regulars." Sid chuckled and Natasha pinched her. Sid hissed and slapped at Natasha's hand, which of course, she dodged so Sid just slapped her own leg. She gave Natasha a sour look, "Bruce will show me his hide outs. Tony should build us a bell tower. Or we'll just jettison ourselves out into space."

Natasha scoffed, "I'm not sure Steve or Bucky would be too stoked about that."

The pain of her thoughts, resignation to some sort of defeat that was too dreadful to bear pulled the warmth from her faster than the chill outside. Sid sighed, defeated, "I have to face them again don't I?"

"I could help you disappear." Natasha halted her attempts to warm Sid's legs and she chewed on her thumbnail for a second, probably a deliberate action since Sid was sure Natasha didn't have any nervous ticks, but she knew how to blend in with the best of them. "But I'd let them find you, so yes, eventually."

Sid huffed out a breath full of annoyance and after a few beats of silence, she finally spat out a frustrated, "Fuck."

Natasha chuckled, "I think there's a very anxious set of super soldiers who wouldn't mind feeding you." She leaned in and nudged Sid's knees playfully, "That's my nice person way of saying you look like shit."

Sid snorted, "Fuck you, I'm perfect. I even got the science to prove it."

Natasha's smile finally hit her eyes and she nodded at Sid, the simple joke a gateway into acceptance. "I've seen it. We should compare data." She'd take any way Sid looked to gaining closure.

They sat for a few moments in companionable silence, something oddly childlike about their positions: Natasha sitting cross legged, her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands in thought and Sid, wrapped around her bent legs, wiggling the feelings back into her toes beneath Natasha's thigh.

"Well, since Tony is being desperately cliche, we may as well be too." Natasha sighed, resigned to some unknown fate.

Sid frowned, suspicious, "Why?"

Natasha rose an eyebrow, "Well it would be something outrageously normal and bland. Might be a healthy change for all of us."

Sid rose her own eyebrow in response, "And what's that?"

Natasha grinned, but it was slightly more sinister than before, "We go shopping."

Sid groaned in despondency. She could only take so much disaster in a lifetime.

* * *

 _ **I know you're tired of my procrastinating ass that can't keep a schedule to save my life, but you gon' love me when you realize I finally finished my millionth stage of editing the rest of this story after my lovely Beta got chapters back to me and now I'm dumping 15 goddamn chapters on your heads. I AM NOURISHED BY YOUR SIMULTANEOUS JOY AND ANGUISH.**_


	44. Knowing How to Party is Half the Battle

_44 : Knowing how to Party is half the battle_

* * *

The gala itself passed without too much disaster. It was a rather stuffy event as the night began, which was odd enough. No one could quite believe that Tony thought a black tie event with New York's elite would actually appease the tenuous attitudes of the present Avengers. But he strolled along through the event anyway, smiling and grinning with the utmost charm and expecting the others to do the same. Everyone did their duties when necessary, eyeing Tony with slight distaste. At least until they figured out what he was raising money for.

The event was a headlong charge into the heart of Sid. Tony was asking for donations to support charities that assisted homeless youth, no matter the circumstances, much like and including the Halloram Shelter that was previously Sid's home.

The party was resplendent in the most simplistic way. Tony pulled out all the stops in order to attract the most generous and ambitious donors of New York's richest. Though it seemed obscene to throw such a soiree for charity, the amount of money they made would likely support Halloram Shelter for the next decade. Because of that, the entirety of the Avengers were dressed to the nines and doing their best to have a good time.

Natasha looked ravishing in the most flawless way. She was just dangerous enough and just ethereal enough to make the collective hearts skip a beat. Her dress was something out of the minds of gods, and she wore it like a sin and made herself seem even less to be trifled with. Clint was cutting trim in his tuxedo. Lithe and affable, the goofy assassin with a grin that smoldered even the toughest metal and positively slayed even the coldest of hearts in the room. He was all sex and charm, something so uniquely him. Bruce was making himself hard to be invisible. He didn't quite hit the line of tuxedo, out of resistance or ignorance, he was wearing a navy blue suit the color of midnight that lit up his eyes like the dawn of a new day. As much as he tried to keep himself from being the center of attention, he looked good enough to ruin even the best laid plans. Tony and Pepper looked like movie stars of course. They were glitz and glam respectively, lighting up the room in a burst of triumphant class. Pepper left the room breathless with her daring grace, smiling and shaking hands, her lips embellished with her kindness, her posture indicative of the highest sense of self worth. Sam of course looked beyond dashing in a white tuxedo, the hint of mirth and graciousness resting along his features that gave him an unmatched charm. He was courting the entire room in the most sincere way.

Then there was Steve. There couldn't be a better juxtaposition of wholesome and temptation. Steve was the cleanest cut man in the entire room, looking like he just stepped out of a cologne ad. His features and charm cut through the room like a knife with obscene clarity, captivating and heavy with the gravity of his humility. The way he looked in his suit was something that was beyond the realm of man and people couldn't help but gaze at him in wonder. He transcended handsome and created an absolute barrier for the new known perfection. There was something heady about the way people looked at him. Just a little less than innocently captivated.

Sid of course felt like she looked finer than the cumulative super heroes in the room. Didn't matter what their super powers were, because hers seemed to be wearing this dress. It was elegant and devastating at the same time. Sid felt so at ease in it, somehow stepping into a new sort of skin and making herself at home. The time it took for her to reach a new level of stunning was laced with uncertainty and anxiety, but the moment she saw herself after Natasha and Clint had their way with her, she felt something wholly centering. She loved how she looked and loved how she felt and they melded together in a way that was freeing as much as it was damning.

None of that, of course, stopped them all from being themselves and the evening ended up being rather enjoyable. Sid and Clint kept patronizing the buffet line, each swooping in with stealth or charm and chowing down on the absolutely abundant display of food (that was also going to be donated after the party). There were quite a few times when Sid and Clint glanced at each other through their concealed giggles with cheeks full of food and maybe even felt a spark of competition that continued through the night. Steve chatted amicably with Natasha, pausing frequently as they sauntered around looking busy, pausing politely when someone wanted to shout their accolades at Steve and maybe just touch greatness on the shoulder for the first time in their lives. Natasha skillfully avoided anyone who looked like they even remotely wanted to speak to her with a gentle hand curved around Steve's elbow. And while Sid wasn't eating, she was playing a very adult game of hide and seek with Bruce. In his artful attempts at avoiding conversation, Sid was quite effective in shooting him a wink every time she spotted him lurking in dim corners.

The night eventually wound down and the Avengers and some of their more intimate friends stuck around, sipping on obscenely expensive liquor and slowly shedding their layers of public persona and slipping into something more familiar. The ballroom somehow seemed fuller with the gathered friends, familiarity and loud music bouncing around on waves of laughter. Jane and Darcy laughed with Maria Hill on the dance floor between bursts of earnest dancing. Sam was cackling with Rhodey and Sharon Carter over something outlandish from their military past. Happy, Pepper, Tony, and another couple of scientists, an astronaut, and an affable young ex-firefighter who looked almost as good as Steve in his suit conversed near the bar, liquor and laughter flowing freely. Steve and Sid were leaning against the bar just a bit away from the group with Clint dishing out drinks while Natasha leaned into Bruce, talking in a friendly and affectionate way.

"I can't believe I actually attended a _gala_." Sid's tone was practiced, elegant, and even a little bit snobby. She couldn't help but giggle into her champagne.

Steve chuckled softly, sipping on some of the dregs of the space liquor Thor had left behind. "Congratulations, you're officially fancy."

Sid sputtered into her sip of champagne, wiping an inelegant hand across her lips, luckily not smearing the ungodly expensive lip stain Natasha let her borrow. "Rude!" She swatted at his arm and shoved him a little, making a goofy giggle bubble up inside the tipsy Captain. She couldn't help but be more and more eager for little glimpses of happiness. "I'm fancy as shit. Fancy ain't about clothes, _bro_. It's about _style_." She gave Steve a side eyed glare while she sipped her drink with a pinky in the air.

Steve raised a hand in surrender, "I'm sorry, you're right. You look amazing."

Sid smiled around the rim of her glass, swallowing slowly and winking a lustrous set of lashes at Steve, who eyed her with just the hint of hunger. "I _feel_ amazing." Sid chuckled, trying to thin out the air between them with humor. "You don't look too shabby either. You clean up real nice."

Steve gave her a bit of a humored glare at the backhanded compliment, "Because I'm such a mess at other times?"

Sid shrugged, "I think I actually saw a five o'clock shadow three months ago. I believe it was a Thursday." She clicked her tongue at him as a reprimand, "You're definitely slipping." She eyed him up and down in feigned disappointment.

Steve rolled his eyes and his shoulders sagged beneath the sarcasm of her comment, "I swear, I feel like I have to shave four times a day to keep myself beardless."

Sid chuckled at that, imagining the costumed Captain pausing in the middle of a firefight to check along the curve of his jaw on the back of his shield, frowning in dismay when he saw some stubble. She tried not to think about the sharp edge of his jaw in her personal little vision, sweat dripping down his neck, curving along his Adam's apple.

She gulped back her own desperation with a shake of her head, trying to force out another chuckle to cover her mouth going so dry. He looked built well enough to climb and it was doing something disastrous to the state of her insides. She glanced around in slight dismay as she sipped her drink for something to do, only just then realizing she spent her time around a group that was predominantly well built, attractive men. She figured it had to be all the testosterone making her mad. She needed more of the sensations caused by plump curves and softness, it'd been too long since she had her fill of a woman.

She forced herself to look back at him, feeling like forever had passed in a single second. She smiled wide, a joke on her lips, "God that's got to be annoying. I'm so glad I grew up with hippies and they insisted body hair was a normal, natural thing that didn't need to be fussed with."

Steve laughed at that, "Oh I wish." He rubbed at his jaw lazily and sighed, "Now I wish I would have let myself go when I was at war, but me and Bucky were always a bit hung up on appearances. Growing up in the twenties and thirties is probably at fault. Men strived to keep clean cut even with the rise of the Great Depression, women weren't really bothered as much in that era, especially since men were the ones looking for jobs most of the time." He gave a bit of a sad sigh, remembering a very different life as his eyes strayed to empty space. He huffed out a breath, glancing back at Sid through his own thick lashes, in some sort of bastardization of innocence that was far too lascivious. "Doesn't help that I'd look like Rip Van Winkle by dinner if I didn't do something about it."

Sid laughed hard at that, possibly slightly harder than necessary, but the light that returned to his eyes when she did was worth any awkwardness. There was a distinct absence between the two of them and both of them were struggling with the joy of being together again, but still feeling incomplete. Especially since their concern rested heavily on their absent friend who had gone to do _something_ he didn't like talking about. They turned slowly to face the party, away from confronting their feelings, and Sid leaned her carefully coiffed head on Steve's shoulders, allowing herself a bit of a slouch since her heels almost made them the same height.

Steve's arm spread back on the bar behind her, probably as much for stability as not. His fingers desperately wanted to reach out and touch the gorgeous fabric that fell along the line of Sid's body like sun light across dessert dunes. He needed something to anchor him through the stress he was feeling at the moment.

They watched the groups all intermingling. Shouting at each other to corroborate or clarify fantastic stories while people kept edging their way to the dance floor.

"I think I could handle Captain America with a beard." She reached over and patted his rock hard jaw, her fingers lighting up with the contact. She tried not to frown as images of a bearded Steve Rogers bombarded her and made the muscles in her thighs twitch in eagerness. Her fingers lingered without her permission and Steve's eyes followed the line of her arm and slowly up the way to her eyes.

He blinked a bit too slowly but tried to play it off, "I tried it once, right after I woke up and I hit a rough spot. Fury said I looked like a lumberjack."

Sid's hand shot from his jaw to her mouth, holding in laughter and god knows what else, "I honestly can't reply to that. Lumberjack Steve Rogers might just completely short out my brain."

Steve nodded in an agreeable way, "I think I could wield an axe pretty effectively."

Sid laughed away the fact that she'd probably need new underwear by the end of the night. She was now extremely frustrated by the fact that champagne seemed to make her a _horny_ drunk.

"I want to dance." She spat out, not sure how else to follow that. They were steadfastly trying to avoid the subject of their missing third.

Steve grimaced.

"What, you don't dance?" Sid sounded exasperated, "Was dancing just not invented yet or something? Why were the forties so boring?"

Steve let out a nervous chuckle at that and downed a bit more of his lightly watered mead. "Forties weren't boring. It was a simpler time. America. Apple Pie. That's it!" He intoned with severity and Sid just about lost herself in laughter.

She gripped her stomach, the severity of her humor making her stomach ache, "Oh, come on! You can't tell me that you can throw that fucking death frisbee and ping it off the ass end of some wall and take down four nazis, but you can't wiggle your ass a bit to some Kesha?" She groaned in frustration, her body pantomiming her emotion though he still remained dismayed, "You weren't afraid of super nazis, aliens, or government conspiracies, but you're afraid of _dancing_?" She shook her head again and turned around to face the bar again, leaning over his arm and waving over Clint, who was tending the bar to get everyone as shift faced as possible, so she could mutter something in his ear.

Steve couldn't help the warmth that spread through his gut when his eyes traversed the slope of her back, smooth and lustrous and just waiting for his fingertips. He licked his lips as Sid turned back to him, thankfully missing the sins on his tongue because of her smugness.

She handed him a small shot of straight mead and she held two shot glasses of her own, grinning at him madly. "Drink it. I'mma get that ass shaking if it kills me. It's exactly what America needs in these troubled times." She threw back her own shots with a sour face and Steve just chuckled as she coughed, reaching out and nudging his hand towards his lips to bring the drink to his mouth. He drank it down, nervous and exhilarated in the hastiness of their decision. Sid made him want to be brave.

She reached out and gripped his hand and yanked him away from the party. The two of them giggling like children as they ran towards the elevators, doing their best to add a bit of lightness to the little shadow in their hearts.

* * *

 _ **yessssssssssssssss. Everybody gotta have a goddamn dress up scene. IDGAF there's so many tropes up my ass and I am loving it.**_


	45. Tragédie en musique

"Science gave you that ass and you're gonna use it. I gotta do it. For science!" Sid shouted as they entered Steve's apartment, stumbling a bit ridiculously as they chuckled, the alcohol finally hitting them a bit harder than they knew was safe. "Are you the town from _Footloose_ in human form?"

Steve scoffed as he shut the door, looking amused, annoyed, and maybe a bit scared, "I'm going to pretend to know what that means."

Sid snorted, "It really is hilarious what the government believes is _important_ in our society. Its more than just wars and money and power." She lifted up a leg and slipped off her shoe, the other following it soon after and she sighed at the feeling of the cool wood floors beneath her bare feet. She looked over her shoulder at Steve, smiling brightly at him and trying not to let her jaw drop open as she watched him remove his jacket as he laughed, his chest and arms stretching and straining against his perfectly tailored shirt.

"I won't disagree with that." He grinned as he folded his jacket and placed it over the kitchen island.

Sid continued towards the entertainment system and turned it on, muttering to herself and Jarvis.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked as he made his way over, approaching Sid and seeing her frowning heavily with a deep thought.

"I'm trying to figure out what songs you need to hear, the ones you need to know how to dance to ever since you went down." She tapped a perfectly manicured finger against her mouth in thought, the pointed curve of her nail resting on the bow of her ruby lips.

Steve just drank her in, appreciative of her genuine beauty, thankful for the way she treated him, like she didn't feel that his past needed to be spoken of with pity. It just happened. She knew it. He knew it. It didn't matter, because what mattered was the _now_. He learned that from her.

"I don't need to learn how to dance." Steve tried to sound adamant.

Sid scoffed and rolled her eyes at him, turning back to the entertainment center, "Jarvis, could you mix together some of the more notable songs through the ages. Search my music list to see if there's anything corresponding with an era."

"Absolutely." Jarvis spoke through the entertainment center and a song from the 1950s immediately began to play and Sid shimmied a bit in excitement. "I will leave you to it. If you need me, just call."

"Thanks DJ Jazzy Jarvis." Sid smiled and his reply was a rather excited little trill as he signed off. She turned back to Steve with a huge grin and she tried not to laugh at the frown creasing his brow. "Come on man. I promise, I'll be good. Keep the Holy Spirit between us."

Steve leaned back against the tug she gave when she grabbed his hand but she was resilient and finally pulled him over to the open space. "What?"

She flapped her hand at him in dismissal, "Shut up and dance with me." She tugged him close and stood chest to chest, smiling up at him with a dare in her eyes, "You trust me?"

Steve gulped slowly, "I don't know what else to call it."

Sid gave him a wry smile and then went to work. She walked him through the fifties and sixties, showing him elements of swing he'd seen in dance clubs back in the day and surprised her a few times with an artful turn or a smoothly placed Lindy Hop. She taught him how to do the Bop and the Hand Jive, singing along with catchy tunes that brought smiles to Steve's lips. They entered slowly into the seventies, The Hustle making him trip more than a few times and eventually finding some grateful simplicity in the YMCA. Sid was laughing when she showed him how to disco, all arms and legs as she put everything she had into the movements. The eighties came with ridiculous moves like the Cabbage Patch and the Sprinkler, with giggling mentions of something called the Worm, and the tail end of the lesson smoothed out by the fluidity of her moonwalk. She was patient and smiling, able to pull a laugh out of him even when he tried to shuffle his way through Hammer Time. He fumbled his way through the Macarena when the nineties popped up, but saved himself when he went En Vogue.

He was outrageously impressed with Sid's unperturbed grace. She seemed truly free while she was dancing, putting everything inside of her into the song and pulling something back in that was pure and good. When the millennium hit, the dances embodied the rhythm of the music, calling for one person to pop, lock, and drop it, while the other could pretty much listen to the next song and have it sang out step by step. Steve liked those ones a lot. The music became much more electronic and much more familiar. He recognized some of these songs that played in shops and cafes. Sid was still going hard as the music thumped in the room, resonating in their chests, her hips moving with an inhuman sense of rythm, looking at Steve like she had the secrets of the universe behind her smile. He tried in earnest, finding ease in all the dances with Sid showing him how. Her steps were full of laughter, her turns shot her smile around the room and her jumps and claps breathed life into a recently perturbed Steve.

They bumped into each other during a rather wide set of hip swings and stumbled around for a second, reaching out for each other in their inebriation and crumbling into a drunken mess on the floor with Sid flung across him, chest to chest and cackling hysterically as a cascade of hair fell across her face, the thick tendrils blinding her and trying to choke her as she spat curls out of her mouth between laughs.

Steve chuckled heartily as he helped her sweep the hair out of her face. His fingers gently plying at the curls, "Jesus Sid, does your hair ever end?" He admonished the abundant amount of hair taking over her face.

"I know!" She screeched on top of him, her thighs bracketing his waist and her skirt bunched haphazardly, only able to use one hand to clear away the mass of hair while the other one kept her from pressing her entire body against him.

They laughed until they finally got her face free, her smile wide and eyes bright and alive, looking at Steve like he was the most important thing in the world. Their moment began to broil, their bodies almost completely flush, the weight of her resting on his stomach, feeling herself lift slightly with his deep breaths. Sid flicked a cautious eye to his mouth, seeing his plump bottom lip drop open just slightly, his breathing coming out restrained and harsh. When she finally dragged her eyes up to Steve's, her teeth had already bitten down softly on her own lower lip, feeling the tingling need for sensation and wishing she had the guts to lean down and kiss him.

She decided to blame it on the alcohol later.

Sid leaned down and pressed her lips to Steve's in desperation. The weight of her mouth on his made him grunt slightly and she immediately knew it was a bad idea. She was about to pull away when Steve's hand shot up to the back of her neck and tangled his fingers in her curls and held her in place, solidifying the kiss with a searing passion.

Sid moaned into his mouth and threw herself into the kiss, their lips and tongues hungry for each others's familiarity. Fire shot through Sid in the most pleasant way as she shimmied her way into a better position, her thighs clamped around Steve's hips and her elbows on the floor on either side of his head for just a moment before he pulled them up into a sitting position, using his abdominals to get himself there as his hands were far to busy doing much more important things. He bent his knees slightly to keep Sid perched in his lap and her legs expertly unfolded to curl around him so her ankles could lock at the base of his spine without interrupting their very preoccupied mouths.

He growled into her lips and deepened the kiss, holding her firmly in place while she squirmed against him, desperate for any sort of friction. Their brains couldn't hold a formal thought as they writhed together, far too caught up in sensation and bliss, breathing life into each other while their fingers sought out patches of skin to sink into.

Sid craned her neck to the side, gasping as Steve trailed along her jaw and throat with his teeth, raspy little breaths scraping against her skin as his fingertips gripped her solidly, letting her know this was just where she should be. His lips and tongue lathed against her throat and down to her collar bones, taking a slow journey back up to the curve of her neck and shoulder to bite down on the skin there, making Sid want to weep with joy.

Her hands found their way to his hair as his head dipped further, nudging the delicate neckline of her top to nip at the swell of her breasts. Her nails scraped against his scalp and she felt his groan more than she heard it, punctuated by the canting of his hips up into the valley between her thighs, supplying the most delicious jolt of friction that made Sid shake.

"Oh God…" Sid practically whined as his lips found her nipple and his tongue pulled the tough little peak between his teeth.

He held it there and spoke around it, "Not quite…"

Sid wanted to look down and reprimand him for the attitude, but she was lost to revelry as his arms encircled her waist and tugged her closer, holding her somehow firmer than before. Her eyes fluttered open for a moment, blinking in the bright lights and the deafening music that couldn't compete with their gasps. He tilted her head to the side and took his sweet time kissing and nipping up the path to her neck again. Her heavy eyes finally settled on the doorway and there was a person standing there.

Bucky.

"Bucky?" Sid let the name roll off her lips in only a slight slur.

Steve huffed out something frustrated and pulled back to joke with her, "Can you really not remember my name or are you just screwing with me? I think I liked it better when you called me God." His haughty tone died quickly when he looked up at her face and saw her staring at the doorway in stark horror.

"Bucky!" Steve shouted in surprise when his eyes followed hers and he spotted his friend in the doorway, standing with a hand on the side of his neck, seemingly frozen in shock as he stared back at them from the shadows. Both he and Sid drunkenly scrambled out from each other's embrace and put about five feet between them, both muttering hastily to explain.

"We were just dancing!"

"I tripped!"

Sid and Steve glanced at each other in distress and then back at Bucky who wavered only slightly and the lights flickered and the music skipped.

"What the —?" Sid said in shock as she glanced around in confusion.

"Bucky!" Steve shouted as Bucky's top half swayed and he crumpled to the ground.

"Shit!" Sid hissed while Steve bolted to his side and slid to his knees, cradling Bucky, who no longer had the strength to apply pressure to the wound on his neck that was now gushing with deep, red blood. " _Shit_!" Sid screamed, frozen for a moment before she rushed over to his side and gathered up the fabric of her dress to press it against the gaping wound in Bucky's throat.

"What happened?!" Steve asked frantically as Bucky's arm shot up to grip Steve's shoulder, his mouth opening in a rasping gurgle as blood dribbled from his lips. " _Jarvis_!" Steve bellowed as tears began to stream down his cheeks, gripping Bucky like a lifeline.

The lights flickered again and Sid looked down at Bucky's metal arm to see it completely limp, plates jagged and bent near the shoulder where there was an odd tea-plate-sized disk clamped into metal and skin with razor sharp barbs. Sid reached out to touch it and it sent a shock through her that made her see stars. She shook herself back into the moment and pressed against the wound harder while Steve cried and Jarvis was nothing but a crackle.

"Steve, that!" Sid blubbered through her own tears and pointed and the lighted metal disk. Steve's eyes flashed to hers and she could see the eyes of a young boy, so very afraid, before he focused absolutely. With a growl he reached over and tore it from Bucky's arm and crushed it in his bare hands, seemingly resistant to the electric shock it shot through him.

The lights and music finally faded and Jarvis's voice immediately spoke, "There was an electrical blocking signal. Medical assistance is on the way."

Steve looked down at Bucky with abject terror in his reddened eyes, finally able to take complete stock of the situation. Bucky's skin was dangerously pale and his were eyes wide and strained, full of fear. His lips bubbled with the remaining blood that wasn't gushing out onto Sid's hands and dress, mingling with her tears.

Steve stared down at his best friend and he could not fathom losing him another time. He looked up at Sid in desperation, "Sid, _heal him_!" He shouted at her, his voice breaking in his urgency.

Sid looked up at Steve in shock, something dreadful shone behind her eyes, but Steve couldn't care less. He couldn't lose Bucky for a third time. It couldn't be permanent.

"I ca—,"

" _I don't give a damn_!" Steve practically growled at her, "Save him. _"_ His tone was absolute and iron clad. It ripped through Sid's guts and practically tugged them out of her.

Her mouth was flapping uselessly as she pressed her dress into Bucky's wound, feeling it becoming warm and slick with the blood she couldn't contain. Bucky was going to die if help didn't arrive soon. She looked down at Bucky who stared at her helplessly, his eyes begging her for something, for a simple chance.

She didn't want Bucky to be Callisto.

She couldn't take it.

Steve reached out to her with a bloodied hand, gripping the side of her neck and jaw to force her to meet his eyes and begging her, " _Please."_ The sob was obvious, shaking his shoulders, forcing more tears out of eyes so blue and so full of pain, Sid felt something buckle in her chest. She exhaled heavily with her pained realization.

She couldn't make Steve like her.

Bucky turned to her with a dejected sort of gasp, his good hand reaching out lamely for just a moment before it dropped and his entire body started seizing.

" _Sid!_ " Steve screamed in desperation.

" _Bucky, NO_!" Sid screamed along with him as she tore at Bucky's armor to get her hand against the bloodied skin of his chest, riddled with bullet holes that reminded her far too much of softer, wrinkled skin and a life lost not too long ago.

When her fingers connected to his forehead, her entire world burst into pure white light and in that moment everything felt just like nothing.


	46. Half life of a Fruit Fly

Sid flailed her way out of sleep, coughing violently as something suffocated her, gagged her. She clawed at her face as bright lights blinded her hazy eyes, gasping for air and hoping that this wasn't what hell felt like.

"Sid!" She heard a voice, calm and stern. "Sid, you have a breathing tube, calm down or you'll injure yourself!"

Sid slowly focused, blinking rapidly and trying not to throw up at the sensation down her throat and in her chest. The nearest nurse came rushing in at Sam's calls and helped him calm Sid down, giving her a slight jolt of morphine in her drip to get her settled back slowly. They called in a doctor and got her cleared for breathing tube removal and proceeded to help her get more comfortable. It didn't work very well as she was aware enough to vomit up the bilious stomach contents when the tube finally came out.

The doctors and nurses cleaned her up with efficient precision, getting her back to a state of comfort in relatively no time at all. Sam brought her some water and helped her wet her mouth and throat.

She looked up at him in exhaustion, _Bucky?_ She mouthed more than said. Her throat was so raw that speaking seemed impossible.

Sam nodded, "Don't worry. Get some rest. Everything is okay." His smile was pure, not tentative. Sid trusted him to be honest with her. If Sam said Bucky was okay, then she would believe him, just this once.

She leaned back and let sleep claim her before the nausea could.

The next few hours passed dreamlessly and when Sid woke she did feel substantially better. Saliva production seemed back on track, but her throat was still disastrously sore. She reached out to the cup with the mouth sponges and tried to suck on one a little bit before she gave up and tried to take a too-big gulp of water. She coughed into it, her throat forgetting how to work for a moment as water sputtered out of her mouth and down her chin and neck. She wiped herself clean with her blanket and looked at the machine next to her that was steadily beeping with a long metal pole sitting next to it. All she saw were a few fluid bags attached that didn't seem like more than electrolytes, water, and maybe some vitamins. She wondered for a second how long she had been out this time.

She tried to clear her throat but she still felt like razors were attached to her vocal cords. She was distracted from her frustration by the sound of laughter dancing into her doorway from somewhere outside her room. Fortifying herself and too curious for her own good, she got out of the hospital bed and used her IV pole as a walker while she slowly made her way to the door, her legs weak and quaking with each step.

She reached her door and managed to creep out in an ungainly fashion, either ignored or not noticed by the staff a ways away down the hall. Turning the corner, she followed the sounds of laughter, relatively cogent enough to realize that she was walking the halls of the med wing in Avengers Tower.

With each step, pins and needles shot up her legs, making each footfall a tremendous pain, but she eventually found herself standing in the doorway of a hospital room where Bucky was sitting in his bed looking like he ran marathons for fun. The oddest part of the picture wasn't the fact that Tony was tinkering with Bucky's arm or that Steve was sitting on the bed, close enough to Bucky to touch shoulders, his hand resting on Bucky's arm as he laughed or Natasha and Clint and Bruce all chuckling along with the conversation she couldn't process. The oddest part was the stark difference in Bucky's features. He was _smiling_ , big and bright and full of perfect teeth. She wanted to gasp in surprise but the air was too harsh and it sent her into a violent coughing fit disrupting the levity of the moment.

Those who could, rushed to her side, muttering things about how she shouldn't be walking around and that she needed to be resting. She couldn't focus on all of the people doting on her because she was fixated on Steve and Bucky. Steve hand't moved an inch, but both of them were slightly frowning at her, as if surprised to remember she was still hanging around.

Her stomach bottomed out before Steve finally got up off the bed and walked over to her, hushing the people who were fussing out of his way before closing in and taking her face into his hands, muttering a devastatingly happy, "Thank you," before he pulled her in for a tight hug.

"Hey, let go of her before you crush her you big ox." Sid heard someone that sounded like Bucky say.

When Steve uncurled from around her, she leaned around his berth and looked at Bucky apprehensively, only to see him waving her over urgently.

"Don't look at me like that." Bucky said again, with a tone more reminiscent of her soldier. "I'm fine. You didn't do a damn thing wrong."

Sid took slow steps over to him with Steve at her elbow, she opened her mouth to say something but only a croak came out before she grimaced in pain. Tony sidled out of the way and knocked a chair in Sid's direction so she'd be right up next to the bed.

"Need some water?" Steve asked absently, his gaze still focused on his dear friend, sitting on the hospital bed looking fresh as the sunrise, despite all of the horrible odds that seemed determined to separate them.

Sid couldn't get the look of adoration Steve had out of her mind, but she stayed silent and still, not worthy enough to divert his attention.

"You did it Sid." Bucky said softly and reached over for her. She hesitantly put her hands in his metal one and she squeezed it hard. She wasn't sure if he could really feel the tension behind her grip.

Bruce stood slowly, his voice smooth and calm, "It looks like your healing ability not only saved his life, but likely healed a good portion of his brain. His healing factor is amping up to do the rest."

Sid glanced over at Bruce and then to Bucky in a wordless question.

"It's not perfect," Bucky started, shrugging with a charm that made Sid's blood run a little cold for vain reasons, "I'm still missing good chunks, but I remember some of it. I remember parts of who I was." He looked at Sid with a grin and then his eyes shifted to Steve, "I even remember this punk and all the shit he put me through as a kid."

"I'm going to need some of these stories, just so you know, for archival reasons." Tony interjected from behind Sid and everyone shared a bit of a laugh while Sid remained silent, bitterly happy in this moment that even if she wanted to laugh, she physically couldn't, despite knowing how much she _should_. She pasted a smile on just in case.

"Oh, there'll be time for that." Bucky shot Steve a mischievous sort of grin and Steve just rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Of all the memories…" He joked and Bucky just smiled _wider_.

Sid felt her heart hammering in her chest, something cold was running through her veins, feelings absolutely absent from the present conversation. She knew she should be ecstatic, overjoyed, but something deep in her brain whispered something terribly cruel: _you're already unnecessary._

She tried to keep the choking sob inside of her chest, but it bubbled out in the form of a string of coughs that wracked her frail frame.

That's when Sam walked in holding snacks and he looked into Sid's frantic eyes and he frowned slightly before catching himself. He muttered a few jokes while he handed out the snacks and everyone got busy chewing on something, glancing back at her intermittently while she got her coughing under control.

"But thank you, Sid." Bucky muttered around a piece of candy bar. "You saved my life. I owe you everything."

Sid forced a smile on her lips and shook her head, trying to dismiss her own importance as usual.

"Seriously Sid, this…" Steve started and she noticed how choked up he seemed and the entire room sobered, "I can't tell you how much this means to both of us."

Sid smiled again, her heart conflicted over how to feel. She was so happy and yet just so _devastated_. It was over. Bucky was okay. Steve had his best friend back. She was just filler.

"Didn't think I'd ever see this idiot again, let alone remember our life together." Bucky spoke softly, his smile so sweet and genuine that it splintered Sid's heart just a little bit more.

She swallowed heavily and looked at Sam who was smiling, but watching her closely. She smiled at him softly and his eyes went back to the world's most important reunion. Her eyes shifted and she saw Natasha observing her, not giving anything away with her clear green eyes.

Sid felt weak again so she stood herself slowly and Sam was the one that pushed to her side to help. She smiled at him meekly and then shuffled over to Bucky. He reached out for her and she hugged him carefully, more for herself than for him. She kissed his forehead softly, tears prickling in her eyes when she met his and he seemed like something old and something new all folded together. She smiled at him wider and looked at Steve with the same sort of compassion, all sorts of words on her lips that she couldn't express. He reached over and his hand rested on her cheek, his thumb brushing against her cheekbone and nodding at her in misguided understanding. She couldn't speak, she couldn't explain, and she couldn't scream like she wanted to, so she just smiled and nodded. It had to be better that way. She couldn't ruin this for them.

She turned to Sam who nodded to her and reached out to help her walk. She waved goodbye and pantomimed her sleepiness and they all chuckled good naturedly and waved back.

Sam walked her back to her room slowly, her steps dragging and the exhaustion of her life bearing down on her. He didn't say much of anything, but he helped her reach her bed and assisted her with her awkward scramble under the covers.

Despite his silence, he seemed mindful as he helped her adjust her blankets and her tubing, willfully ignoring Sid's frantic attempts to swipe away the tears that ran in rivulets down her cheeks.

He spoke but he didn't really look at her as he made his way to leave, "Want me to turn off the lights and close the door?"

She nodded, trying to add in a sound of agreement, but all it did was hurt.

"I'll give you some privacy. Get some rest. Things may be different, but it'll all be okay." He added softly before pulling the curtain around her bed.

Once the lights turned off and the door finally closed, Sid curled up onto her side and pulled the covers up to her ears. She hid her face in her thin blanket and finally let out all of the horrible, selfish tears that were making a home in her eyes. She wanted to sob and scream and thrash, but she didn't have the energy to really fall apart. She just felt so empty.

She had healed Bucky and she should be absolutely ecstatic about the outcome, but her heart was in tatters. He was speaking and affectionate and so very open and for some terrible reason it just hurt so much. The way he looked at Steve had a purity to it that Sid could feel in her gut and it did nothing but batter her organs and make her feel a little sick. She thought she had found peace but now everything was changing, again.

Remnants of her Asgardian dream returned to her in her state of hysteria and her heart just couldn't take it. She felt an overwhelming sense of guilt as she mourned her vision and realized that it would remain how Loki probably intended: a very particular form of torture for the rest of her days.

She tried to curl further around herself, trying to give that sort of warmth that she craved deep in her bones, but it did nothing but drive her further into despair. There was a very small part of her that was screaming, begging herself to think this through. She needed to think this through.

She bridged the gap. She was, for all intents and purposes, a hero. But all she could feel was the stark absence of the men who had become such an undeniable staple in her life over their short but poignant time together.


	47. The Old Man and the Wee

When Sid finally healed and her voice was free to express everything that she felt, her fight or flight reflexes kicked into overdrive and she became powered by fear and selfishness. Steve and Bucky were hell bent on rebuilding their relationship and the trust that seemed destroyed by years of madness was rekindled easily between the two behemoth men. Their almost instinctual affection for one another was so palpable that she never felt like more of a stranger. She played her role as best as she could, the affable friend that was supportive and agreeable to just about everything. She was able to believe herself in the moment, to put on that perfect mask, only because the alternative was too hideous to acknowledge.

After Sid healed Bucky came the questions about his secret missions he'd been conducting as the hazy man between The Winter Soldier and the Captain's lost comrade in arms. With his glib smile and his easy charm also came a fierce need to act. His history was rife with torture and the work of malicious minds and he had every intention of restoring the honor he once held dear. His hunt was driven by a visceral need to destroy Hydra, not just for everything they did to him, but everything they made him do.

Sid had never been one for war, so watching them begin to discuss the patchy information Bucky was able to recall made her stomach turn. She _knew_ what they did, who these men were. She knew what he and Steve were capable of judging by the torrid uneasiness that accompanied viewing their sparring matches. Hours of footage showed Steve in action, tearing through hordes of aliens, or Nazis, or flying through the sky like a patriotic torpedo, his entire self engulfed by the fray. She'd seen Steve go out on missions during their many months together and returning emboldened and willing to fight the sun if it stood in his way. She'd heard of the things that The Winter Soldier had been capable of. She'd witnessed The Winter Soldier when his eyes went empty and his stance went grim, a preternatural shift in the essence of purpose, shaving away anything that wasn't dedicated to murderous precision.

Now though, it wasn't just a sparring match, it wasn't some mission laughed off by the only other super soldier in the room. These men, who had dug themselves into her wretched little heart and kept it beating, were both going to be walking out the door, their silhouettes fading into an unclear directive with such deadly force that made Sid want to scream.

It didn't take her long to run.

It took her even less time to realize that she would forever be looking back on that moment and regretting it.

So now she stood in the ornate library of some hilariously tricked out mansion in Salem Center, New York. Something in her heart told her that if she could barely make it an hour away from the men who were now haunting her, she really didn't want to be gone that bad. It didn't help that the pathetic note she left for them about a sort of Vision Quest and need to understand her troubling origins was the only form of goodbye she'd had. She didn't know the next time she'd be able to see their faces, probably full of annoyance at her cowardice or only faintly recognizing her as a brief annotation from their reunion. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to face the terrible mistake of leaving them like she did, but she knew that they'd probably be happier for it.

Her finger traced the rim of the expensive tumbler that rested on the table in front of her. Her mind was lost in the amber liquid that rested in an unsurprisingly expensive decanter standing next to the glass she was contemplating filling.

"You hoping to absorb that through osmosis or you planning on pouring us a drink?"

Sid spun at the gravely voice, throwing out a gust of wind in shock that threw Logan against the heavy wooden doors with a gigantic thud. "Fuck!" She rasped, seeing the amused grin on his features below his wind tousled hair. " _Osmosis!?_ " She parodied rage because she wasn't sure she felt anything but shame, "You reading Science Daily now? You scared the hell out of me, old man."

Logan just chuckled as he adjusted his already haphazard clothing, "I imagine you'd'a given Charles quite a tumble if you jostled him like that. I'm also a professor now, so show some respect kid."

Sid guffawed at the notion of respecting Logan, turning back to the liquor as he made his way over to her, pushing past her to pour them both a heavy handed amount of whiskey.

Sid grabbed the glass and chugged it down in an instant, regretting it just as quickly. She knew that her empty stomach would likely make her rue that choice later on. It'd been a week since she left Manhattan, doing her best to trail nonsensical breadcrumbs around the area to misdirect any attempts at finding her. As much as she didn't want to leave them, she knew she couldn't face them again, not right now. So she planned on being very drunk until the moment she finally came to face the man she wanted to see.

"Yikes."

Sid growled her response to Logan's commentary and put the glass back in front of him, "Shut up and pour."

Logan chuckled and drank his down with much more ease than Sid displayed before pouring them a second glass that seemed even more heavy-handed than the first. Sid tried to chug that one down too, but Logan admonished her.

"Easy there, tyke." His voice seemed stern and Sid wanted to slap the hand that reached out to stop her, but he held firm. Of course, he would jump right into the matter at hand, "What's got you so pissy?"

"Like you care." She grumbled and tried to maneuver her mouth to the rim of the glass to chug it down her gullet.

He yanked her hand out of reach spilling some of the booze, much to Sid's dismay. "Shut up and talk." He growled right back and when she went to sink her teeth into his hand, his snarl seemed less light hearted, "I'll make you regret that."

Sid stamped down her urge to bite and rolled her eyes, pulling away from him and he let her go. "Fine." She spat as she walked over to the couch and sat down and Logan followed her, the decanter of whiskey opposite the glass in his meaty right hand. Once he was situated next to her, the bottle on the table by his side, conveniently out of her reach, he adjusted himself and sipped on the whiskey daintily, waiting for her to start chatting.

She wanted to smack him, in an affectionate sort of way. Her history with the man was brief, but fiery. He had been part of the crew that helped Ororo dismantle the more malevolent team of Morlocks back during their "Glory Days". He was the sort of person that you kind of hated to trust, but did so implicitly. She eyed his untamed brawn nice and slowly while he waited, seemingly uninterested in what she would eventually have to say. However it didn't fool Sid, she knew he had a stupid streak like she did when it came to matters of the heart.

"Found out where I came from." She muttered softly before shaking herself out of his spell and taking a long sip of her whiskey.

Logan nodded, pulling out a cigar from his pocket and lighting it up, "So what? Can't be much worse than the rest of us weirdos."

Sid snorted at that through another sip, "Guess you're not wrong, but I may even surpass you with my fucked up past."

It was Logan's turn to laugh, "Unlikely kiddo."

"Stop patronizing me." She replied tersely, the attitude she shed over the last few decades riled up for a little bit of a fight with someone just as surly. It seemed like a safe bet with him.

"What are you, sixty now? You'll always be a kid to me. Get used to it." He shrugged half heartedly and stuck the stump of his cigar in his mouth and spoke around it on his exhale, "Surprise me."

Sid leaned back and sighed, regaling him with the story of her life, recited just as expertly, if a little bitterly, as it was laid out to her in excruciating scientific detail. Logan seemed only half interested to her long-winded tale, but she knew that he was listening while he stared at the lit end of his cigar or the smoke that spiraled up into nothingness. She appreciated his ambivalence in the moment. He didn't sigh or gasp or cringe at the words that spewed from her loose tongue. He didn't even flinch when tears snuck out of her eyes, pretending not to notice as she swiped them away from behind the ever full tumblr of whiskey.

Eventually the story ended and Logan sighed, "Weird Science. Shady government agencies. Aliens maybe. Ain't _that_ bad."

Sid groaned at him drunkenly and guzzled down another glass despite the frown he shot her way. As if he could be judgmental towards her drinking habits.

She swayed slightly as she reached for the second decanter of the night, but Logan beat her to it and swiped it away. She hissed at him a little bit and he just tried not to smile as he poured some more into her glass.

"It's the good stuff, I don't want your drunk ass to spill it." He replied curtly, his voice solid as stone, but she could see the way his eyes turned into amber as the time passed, his cheeks going a little ruddy from the whiskey they chugged down.

Sid giggled slightly and then cleared her throat, slipping back into their affectionate game of who could be a bigger asshole to the other. "I still find it beyond amusing that Charles, probably tied for the top of the most-straight-laced-gentleman-alive list, keeps _your_ favorite booze around. And it's fucking Canadian Whiskey." She shivered slightly in mock disgust and Logan gave her a sour look.

"You don't need to drink it if it seems beneath you." He mocked.

Sid just rolled her eyes at him, like the child she was compared to him, "Hey, it does its job and I'm desperate."

Logan snorted as he placed the bottle down and leaned back, his voice a testament to the matter at hand, "What I _meant_ was that it didn't make you a megalomaniac and a psychopath."

Sid swallowed heavily in the whiplash of the moment, "I feel pretty crazy."

"Listen kid," Logan's voice was serious, "everyone is pretty crazy in some way."

She nodded with a soft smile on her lips, "I guess you're right, but it doesn't make me feel any saner."

Logan understood that feeling pretty easily, "Yeah and it doesn't change a damn thing either."

Sid bit her lip and gave a derisive sort of scoff for the sentiment. "You ever get over this shit? All the tragedy?"

Logan took a long pull off the ever shortening stub of his cigar and shrugged, "I don't know. Why do you think we throw ourselves at super villains? We're all trying to atone for something."

Sid sighed dramatically, defeated, "So what? I need to start throwing myself at alien hordes to make me feel better?"

Logan chuckled, "Maybe, maybe not, but you gotta do something."

Sid exhaled heavily, "I don't know if I can do anything but cry my brains out, drink myself dumb, or fuck someone silly."

"Well…" His voiced growled as his arm spread across the back of the couch and he laid on a thick charm with his grin, "I could help you with two'a those."

Sid guffawed at that. He always was a direct little shit. It's what had endeared him to her when they'd first ran across one another many years ago. "Yeah I see what you're doing here. Wouldn't tangle with you without being dumb drunk." She was half heartedly snide, she had been stone cold sober the _many_ times they'd tangled together during their brief but explosive little affair. She may have shit memory of all else, but she remembered vividly what it was like to throw down with The Wolverine.

"Hey, I've done sensitive things." He didn't seem that invested in defending the statement, "You're the one making assumptions." He spat right back at her with a grin. "But now that you mention it…"

Sid smiled and scooted into the lean of Logan's body that let his arm extended across the back of the couch. She pressed against him slowly, whiskey heavy on their breaths as her lips came dangerously close to his. "You seem rather talkative. It's boring me."

He smiled and leaned in, his kiss hard but rather chaste. She chuckled softly before all bit of life and limb was devoted to deepening the kiss that they started.

Glasses and half burnt cigars were forgotten as soon as clothes began to pull away from skin. Their hands were rushed and sloppy, but fervent, falling into a distantly familiar habit that felt a bit like something safe. Logan quickly shifted Sid onto his lap and while his teeth trailed down the skin of her throat, she couldn't stop the unbidden thought of Steve's mouth being there only a few days ago.

"Shit." She hissed, her stomach going sour and Logan halted his machinations immediately.

"Are we stopping?" He didn't betray a thing with his voice, but the way his body was budding beneath her, she had an idea how he wanted this to go. She felt it too.

"It's complicated, give me a sec." She growled at him.

He chuckled softly, "Anything to do with those two super soldiers you went all gooey about?"

Sid admonished him with a look, "I did _not_ go all _gooey_ about them."

Logan pressed a kiss to her sternum, "Listen, I met good old Cap back in World War II, even knew Barnes."

"That makes me feel weird." She replied drunkenly, but Logan just continued on.

"They're good guys. Smart. Trustworthy." He intoned it like he meant something by it.

Sid scoffed and pointedly ignored the message he was trying to send, "So they're _guys_ but I'm a _kid_. Your age is showing you prick."

Logan gave her a tired sort of glare, but his fingers dug deeper into her hips, "I call you kid cause you're half as old as them and I'm twice as old as they are, so _yeah_ you're a kid."

She returned his tired look with a bit more disbelief and rolled her eyes at him, "Whatever."

He pulled her down for another rough kiss and she melted into it with a restrained sort of glee.

"Can I keep kissing you or what?" He grunted against her lips and she nodded heartily as he wrapped his arms around her again. He felt so different from Steve, but it was still good, despite the fact that she couldn't get him or Bucky out of her mind.

She sighed heavily as his hands finally found her breasts beneath the lingering layers, his calloused fingers scraped across the sensitive skin there and sent a sizzling heat straight down her spine. Her mind was still buzzing with inebriation and retrospection, before she could really help it, she drunkenly blurted, "You think you can be in love with two people at the exact same time?"

Logan growled against her chest, but it wasn't out of anger, just a bit of his carnality showing, "I think people can do whatever the hell they want, long as no harm's done." His chin pushed the thin material of her tank top down and his tongue dragged against the hard peak of her nipple before speaking against her skin, "You get through your days. That's all."

She sighed into his words and let that earnest care she had for Logan leak out a little bit. She wrapped herself around him further and brought his lips back to hers as he lifted them up to stand. He dropped her onto unsteady feet and held her at arms length for a moment, "Get your shit, we're going to bed."

Sid chuckled and push past him to grab at the jacket and sweater he'd torn off her, "Shoulda saved me the trip and just fucked down here."

Logan leaned a bit to watch her bend down to grab her things, "Woulda missed the view."

"God you're a ridiculous asshole when you're drunk." She laughed and grabbed the jacket she'd recently torn off him. When she made her way back over to him, with wild hair and plump lips smiling, he didn't exaggerate the rush of air that came out of him when she shoved his jacket in his gut.

"I'm too old to fuck on a couch when I got a top of the line mattress upstairs." Logan insisted with another sharp kiss.

She leaned into him, just a little less heart broken, but he could still see the little bit of pain in her eyes despite her bright smile, "Lead on, dirty old man."


	48. And so it Starts

Sid's body had the audacity to wake up the next morning. As her eyes fluttered open to pinpoints of sun peaking through the blinds, mostly covered by something resembling drapes, she was thankful for Logan's dinginess. Even if it was somewhat of a bane to such a swanky mansion like Xavier's, which made Tony's seem downright garish. The specks of sunlight bled into the darkness, riding on the coattails of the haze that accompanies a newly lit cigar. She rolled slowly and saw Logan sitting in a chair across from her, a cup of water on the table between them and a grimness in his eyes as he stared out at nothing.

"You gonna get up soon or do I have to get a new bed?" Logan grunted as he picked something from his nails with one of his claws.

Sid rolled her eyes and sighed dreamily, "Buy a new bed then, moneybags."

His scoff showed bemusement, but his tone was still harsh, "You're supposed to meet Xavier in about an hour. Figured you wanna shower."

Sid tried to give herself a discreet sniff, but it all went by the wayside when she practically gagged at the outright sensory disgust, "Damn! You, me, and whiskey do not make a good scent profile."

Logan lifted up his head to look at her, sniffed sharply, and after a moment's contemplation, he shrugged, "Smelled worse."

Sid stared at him with a wistful smile on her lips, wrapped in the bed sheets and her hair cascading over her shoulder in a voluminous mess, the lighting of the room creating the sort of artful shadows that fell across her skin like they were chasing the Northern Lights. She was quite a picture, but her voice was glib and it broke the ethereal moment, "Gosh, you're romantic."

"You're still grumpy as all hell. Word is, I got a good remedy for that." He shot back in deadpan.

"Is that why you sleep with so many people? It musta been a while cause you're still an asshole." She rolled over slowly with a groan while he gave her a terse look.

"Quit being a lazy ass."

"Don't invite people into your cozy bed if you aren't interested in them staying." She stretched as she sat up and gave another soft groan as she tilted her head to the side to stretch her neck. Probably one of the main benefits of sleeping with powered persons on the semi-reg is that it was always a worthwhile physical exertion. At the very least, she could say she got in about a month's worth of exercise after a night with Logan.

"Touché." He grunted and stood, walking over to her and handing her the glass of water. "I got whiskey in the side drawer if you need to take the edge off that hangover."

Sid gave him a wide-eyed look and shook her head with a soft gag, "Keep your whiskey and your dick away from me for a while, I need to recover."

He snorted as she took the water from him and guzzled it down. After a deep sigh, she reached for her clothes and noticed that the small back pack full of her belongings that she was sure she'd forgotten downstairs, was sitting in the corner. She looked up at Logan with a knowing smile and he just rolled his eyes before walking towards the door. "Bathroom is that door on the left."

He opened the door just a smidgen before Sid spoke, "Hey…" He turned back to look at her, his glare fully in place as he went to brave the throngs of younglings scampering through the halls. She smiled at him, wide and grateful, "Thanks." His eyes softened slightly and he nodded to her just once before he left, leaving her with her own thoughts.

After showering and making herself humanish again, she wound her way through the mansion slowly, taking in the chattering of kids of varying ages, all smiles and laughter despite some of the terrors they lived. She wanted to be able to recall that fresh-faced sort of innocence, she knew she had to have experienced it at some point, but it was fleeting. Looking around, she could appreciate all that Xavier did for these kids, how he made a home for them in such a horrific environment. She respected him for it and that was the reason she had basically devoted a good portion of her life to being the go-between for The Morlocks and The X-Men.

She mostly worked through Halloram Shelter which was affiliated with Xavier's school, but every once in a while, during her long standing tenure with the Morlocks, she had spent some time with Ororo, Logan, Xavier, and a smattering of other mutants that graced their teams. She liked them, she knew them relatively well in snap shots, but this was only the second time that she'd been in the mansion itself and boy had it changed.

The mansion was artful in comparison to the splendor of the tower, but there was a similar warmth that graced the halls. People cared for each other here and despite differences and naturally formed cliques, they were family. She strolled through halls, slipping mostly unseen through the packs of children, giggling or stressing, acting like they hadn't a care in the world other than their blissfully normal lives.

"Sid." A familiar voice behind her cut through her thoughts and she felt the tone resonate in her chest, like a second heartbeat humming to match her own.

She turned slowly, her eyes meeting Charles Xavier's in a cataclysmic way. Charles had an amazing air about him that just sent Sid for a whirl, she wasn't sure if he projected it on purpose, but he was full of kindness and hope, brightening the world around him in a singular way.

"Charles." She smiled wide and they made their way to meet. She leaned down and hugged him tightly, he returned the gesture with a stodgy British chuckle. When she stood to her full height, he grinned softly.

"You seem well." Charles hitched his head to the side, turning his chair and intending for Sid to follow.

Sid scoffed, "That's nice, but it's a lie. I look like hell."

Charles chuckled softly at her, "You look distressed, but you still seem well, better than the last time I was able to see you." His tone was a bit dramatic.

Sid thought for a moment, recalling the event in question and her eyes widened in horror for a second, remembering that he walked in on her and Logan in one of their many rather compromising positions. She choked on her spit a little and stared at the prim looking man with sheer surprise.

"We all get desperate now and then." He added flippantly and Sid couldn't help the guffaw that came out of her mouth. Charles seemed pleased with her response to his affectionate dig at Logan.

"I guess we do." She chuckled as they continued down the hallway, presumably to his office.

They chatted amicably, passing by children rushing to classes, pink cheeked and horrified that the day they end up being late is the day they meet the headmaster in the hallway. He smiled and nodded at them nonetheless, encouraging and caring all at once, making their anxiety quell just enough to make it to class with a little dignity left.

They eventually reached Charles' office and got comfortable, sitting across from one another and not knowing where to begin.

"Tell me why you've come." Charles said softly, the words meant to be the easy transition Sid needed to open her stubborn mouth.

She sighed softly, "You can't tell?"

Charles gave her an impish sort of grin, "I don't tend to meddle in people's minds without their consent."

Sid gave him a small smile, looking up at him with sadness in her eyes, "I don't know, really. I just needed somewhere to go." She swallowed heavily and realized that the news of Callisto's passing may not have reached them yet. She inhaled shakily, "Callisto is dead. The Alley was practically destroyed."

Charles's mouth dropped open slightly in surprise. His face quickly morphed into an empathetic frown, "I'm so sorry. I know she meant very much to you."

Sid couldn't help the sob that bubbled out of her mouth. Her hand shot to her lips to keep it contained, but it didn't manage to do much but garble the sounds escaping her. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and she tried to shut them out, to keep herself together. "I'm sorry."

Charles leaned closer and placed a hand on her knee, "There's no need to apologize for your grief. Take your time, tell me what happened when you are ready."

Sid shook her head, yanking on the reigns of her control, "Hydra." Was all she could manage to convey.

Charles sat back and sighed heavily, his voice going cold in recognition, "I don't think there is much dissent on the subject of Hydra. The things they've done…"

Sid's head shot up to look at him, wondering what he knew of Hydra, if perhaps he knew of Bucky and Steve and by extension the tendrils of her creation that reached out into so many lives. "They wanted a man who I befriended." Her voice choked itself off as the realization she'd been denying slammed back into her, "I got her killed."

"Sid." Xavier's tone was adamant, almost on the verge of raising his voice, and emphatic in his determination to break her mind from that thought process, "Hydra killed her. You had absolutely nothing to do with it."

She shook her head softly, biting on her lower lip in an attempt to keep the sobs wracking around in her chest at bay at the expense of her shaking shoulders, "I've lost everything Charles. It hurts to feel this empty. I thought I could fill the hole again, but…"

Charles frowned slowly, "We never truly fill the holes that have been made in our hearts, yet we readily carve out new divots for people that capture us. You weren't trying to fill a void, Sid —,"

She snorted softly and shook her head softly, "I was just making a new one."

Charles chuckled right back and it snapped Sid out of her momentary pity party, "Well, if one wanted to be negative about it, I would assume that's what one would say." He admonished her affectionately. "I was going to say that you weren't trying to fill a void, you were coping, allowing yourself to heal."

"I feel like a lot of things are getting in the way of that." She replied curtly.

"Are they getting in the way or are they simply pushing you in a new direction?" Charles replied with his usual brilliant insight.

Sid scowled at him playfully, "Stop twisting my words."

He smiled in return, "Well, that is the beauty of perception, what may be twisted to you makes perfect sense to someone else."

She rolled her eyes with a sweetness, wiping away her tears and regaining a bit of composure with her dissociation. "There's more to me than I ever believed possible, Charles. I'm so lost and confused and yet the things that are causing me grief and pain are the things I need to figure out the most." She clenched the edge of her shirt with damp fingers, feeling indignant in the face of her own story, "I'm tired of being trampled on, I need to figure it out for myself, I need to understand why I am who I am and what I need to do with it." Her voice became steadfast and determined, "And I need your help to do it."

"How do you believe I can help?" Charles asked, ardent in his determination to help her.

"I know its selfish, but I need your help in processing something."

"What is it?" Charles asked again, more steadfast than before.

"I need you to help me figure out my powers." She said softly, "I need to figure out what this means for me. I thought I knew my purpose, I thought I knew my direction, but —," She choked on the memories as they replaced cogent thoughts: sparks of the familial warmth from Tony's laugh, Bruce's simple touches that had eons of emotions in them that ignited something strangely peaceful in her heart, and she saw Natasha and Clint laughing, remembering how right it felt to be with all of them. The moment culminated with Bucky and Steve, and the terrifying love she felt swelling in her heart, trying to suffocate her, "— I don't know where I need to be."

Charles frowned slightly, nodding as he processed her words. After a few moments of silence, he spoke softly, "Well, where do you _want_ to be?"

"What?" Sid sat back, a little aghast. She expected a long diatribe about her duty to the universe which gave her what she has. She half expected the Super Hero speech.

"It's very simple Sid, where do you want to be?" He smiled softly. "We all contribute in our own ways. You find where you belong and then you add to it, whatever you can."

Sid frowned, "That's it?"

Charles chuckled, "Oh how I wish it were that simple. We may belong in many places with many people and I would dare say it's impossible to find the perfect place until we try. You've found something that makes you happy, correct?"

Sid gulped back the mountains of shame that tried to choke her, "Y-yes, I did." She said softly, as if the admission was not of her own volition.

"Then let yourself follow this path." He leaned forward again and stretched out his hand, "And I will do what I can to help you."

Sid smiled softly and looked down at the pale, aged hand that was sitting in front of her. A barrage of thoughts were chaotic in her mind, buzzing around and confounding within the flashes of her terror of loss and her ability to live. She could run again and disappear. She could feed herself to the masses and blend in until everyone around her withered and died, leaving her to survive on the ashes of another society she came to resent. She could go on like that forever which basically made it meaningless.

She glanced up at Charles again, knowing he was patiently waiting for her to decide what to do. She looked back down at his hand and closed her eyes and steeled herself against the terror that was firing off inside of her brain. She placed her shaking hand in Charles's, "I'm ready."

"Let's begin then, shall we?"


	49. The Hunt Begins

Steve realized after another night of restless sleep he was finally hitting his limit. He was thankful that Bucky was safe and seemed to be working through what he could as his mind continued to slowly heal. But the victory was short lived as he arrived home one day to a note clenched in a metal hand and a hard look on an assassin's face.

The days following, he couldn't get his mind off of Sid. She had disappeared only a week ago and much to their chagrin, she was very good at staying that way. It didn't help that Tony's search parameters were struggling to match her strange physiology. Coupled with her determination to stay lost, it was difficult to say the least, but especially on Bucky. The time they had tried to carve out in order to search for her was disjointed at best. Bucky wanted to devote more time to her search, but the world couldn't stop itself from needing saving. There was an obvious shadow within the tower without her exuberance.

Other than stressing about Sid, Bucky's memories were improving every day. There was still a level of disconnection that existed between The Winter Soldier and James Barnes where Bucky now trod. This new creature was not quite all of one and none of the other, but an amalgam of the two, forged within trauma of the last century of his life. Steve and Sam were working diligently to help Bucky adjust to this new sense of self, but there was an anchor that was missing, that Bucky sorely wanted back, and he was desperate to understand why, after all they had been through, Sid was willing to just leave. This translated to a stressed and worried Winter Soldier, and no matter how bravely or charmingly he put on a front, there was always a slight edge to the look in his eye or the hitch of his smile.

Steve on the other hand, felt the guilt of resentment burning is his gut when he thought of Sid. Of course, he was worried about her. He missed her desperately and he was left absolutely confounded by what happened between them. In the weeks following her and Bucky's recovery, she was casually distant and it was bothering Steve to some degree, but he tried to excuse it because of the shift in their interactions with Bucky's added memories. There was an electricity in her touch that Steve had difficulty describing, one that he was rather fond of, but with its absence, he realized he ached without it. He couldn't help the sliver of bitterness that she had chosen the moment Bucky returned to him as a stepping stone for her to leave. He hadn't been ready for that.

He was thrilled with the return of some of Bucky's memories. There was a wholeness inside of him he hadn't felt in a very, very long time with Bucky by his side, but he still _missed_ her. He knew it was probably a bit selfish to demand her presence in their lives after all they had put her through. The fact that she hadn't given them the chance to help her like she helped them was a blow to his reserve. She felt too important to just let go of. He couldn't shake the feeling that she should be there with them and his mind had weird ways of emphasizing and expressing that point.

After a frightfully familiar cold shower, Steve came out of his room in a pair of sweats and a towel rubbing the dampness out of hair that, in his opinion, was edging on shaggy. He froze for a moment, defensive instincts kicking into overdrive as something triggered a frightfully familiar physiological reaction. He looked up abruptly and saw Bucky sitting on the couch, the gun in his hand aimed perfectly at Steve's forehead.

Bucky's eyes were distant for a moment before reality kicked in. He blinked cold grey eyes into a shining blue and a softness returned to his features when just for a moment, he looked embarrassed at the weapon in his hand. He grunted a soft, "Sorry" and placed his weapon back on the table before diving back into the files spread all around it.

"What's this?" Steve skipped over the awkward moment and approached the table as if nothing had happened.

Bucky shrugged, looking a bit haggard as he stared down at what seemed like a sea of black text, "Files from Hydra's data dump that seemed important. Some of mine. Some of Sid's. Some, miscellaneous."

Steve's breath hitched at her name. It was sort of a difficult topic to discuss with Bucky. He wasn't angry and bitter at her absence like Steve was, he was worried for her in a way that Steve recognized from a very long time ago.

Bucky's palpable exhaustion seemed to subdue the room, "If Hydra linked her to me, if they go for her when I'm not there…" His voice was monotonous and on the edge of hoarse, a slight tremor in the pinky of his fleshy hand was really the only movement he made, "I can't protect her if I don't know where she is."

Steve sighed and sat adjacent to Bucky, his eyes scanning over the print outs and the notes scrawled in margins, "If we can't find her, then how will they? One thing I came to learn about Sid is that she is more than capable of handling herself and if she wants to stay lost, she will. We have to respect her need for space, Buck, maybe just for a little while. She's going through a lot right now. Maybe if we ease up, she'll reach out." Once the words left his mouth, they sounded worse than platitudes.

Bucky's face clenched, from his jaw to his eyes, and he shook his head softly, "But why won't she let us help? What she did for me…"

"What she did for _us_." Steve added empathetically, "You're not alone here Buck."

Bucky bit his lip for a moment in frustration, "I'm having a hard time seeing any of you searching for Sid through all the bulb flashes."

Steve pulled back on the alien need to correct Bucky on current terminology, "Bucky, I have a responsibility to the Avengers. I can't abandon them either, we're already a man down with Thor in Asgard and Tony doing whatever he's always doing. It's not just a one trick pony show."

Bucky frowned very slightly, like he was catching Steve in a lie, but the moment passed and he closed his eyes before exhaling completely and putting a shaggy head in his hands. He sat up a moment later, still pretty stoic but slightly refreshed, "I'm sorry, I'm just getting antsy in here. I appreciate the need to baby sit me and I'm not all that interested in letting you out of my sight either at this point, but I've got to do _something_ , Steve."

"Look Tony is running everything he's got on Sid, Jarvis isn't exactly happy about her disappearance either. He's taken it personally that she was somehow able to sneak past him so effortlessly." He glanced again at all the papers Bucky was looking at and saw the Hydra files again, forming a plan in his mind, "We have to trust her. You know we do."

"I hate it."

Steve scoffed at the churlish answer and let it dissipate into a comfortable silence. He sighed as he looked his friend up and down, a small piece of his mind doing back flips at the comforting familiarity in the way Bucky held his jaw tight in frustration. "You know," a common deflection tactic of Steve's surfaced when tensions were high, "Tony has an electronic paper system you could use instead of the paper files. Conservation is big these days."

Bucky scoffed lightly and leveled Steve with a playful glare, "Tony recycles. Plus I don't like the electronic ones. Sure, they're pretty cool looking, but there's something about holding the file in my hand that helps me retain it more. Too many ghosts whirling around in my head to see ghost-papers too."

Steve smiled and nodded in understanding at that. He cleared his throat slightly, leaning forward to encourage him to breach a subject he knew would bring forward some contention, "So, I know the search for Sid is at a bit of a stalemate, but are you going to clue me on what you're searching for in the other files?"

Bucky's eyes paused as he was scanning the table. He flashed a glance up at Steve and gave him his full attention, "Are you going to try to pull rank on me or something?"

Steve tried to remain detached from the subject, but a little bit of his old commanding instincts kicked in against his wishes, "You've been hiding things since she left, Bucky. It's dangerous and —,"

" _I'm_ dangerous. They have no idea what they've unleashed." Bucky interjected coldly.

Steve had to hold back his eye roll at Bucky's distantly familiar dramatics, "We're _all_ dangerous and that's what I'm talking about. You don't have to do this on your own." He leveled Bucky with the weight of a thousand words in his stare, "I want you to let me help you. I want you to let the Avengers help you. You _can_ take down all of Hydra, probably at your own expense, but I will forcefully stop you from going on some suicide mission to throw yourself at them like a warhead. You're not doing that alone, not when _we_ can _win_." Steve swallowed heavily, "We stick together. Till the end of the line."

There was something that scratched coldly in the back of Bucky's mind. Something that urged him not to trust anyone ever again. It was a hell of an annoying reaction to have, it dampened every decision and made every effort less than a full measure. Part of the conditioning and the training took hold too deep to ever really wash away. But with Steve standing in front of him, with ghosts and memories and glimpses of moments full of feeling reflected in his bright blue eyes, it was heard to want to do anything but leap headfirst into oblivion.

He leaned forward and grabbed a file to toss at Steve, "Hydra hide-aways. The places where they do things nobody talks about. I've been to a few."

Bucky's voice seemed small in that statement and the sound of it made Steve feel like someone had stomped on his lungs. There was a whole lot of hell churning inside of him and he couldn't wait to put every effort into dismantling the remainder of Hydra. Those fragments felt like an affront to his entire existence and he could only imagine the rage that Bucky felt.

Steve took a moment to absorb the file. When he was done, Bucky just handed him another one. Steve grabbed a notepad, his eyes burrowed through the files one by one, taking notes and doodling abstractly on the margins, his artful scrawl given emphasis by the grace in his hand. He was processing what he could from the files and adjunct notes from Bucky. It took them a few hours to get through the pile a couple times before they started discussing tactics.

"Loyalty is outweighed by ambition in the halls of Hydra." Steve finally intoned and he earned a bitter snort from Bucky. "There was a file that talked about alternative science division?"

"I thought Hydra _was_ the alternative science division?" Bucky drawled and earned a pleasant chuckle out of Steve as he peaked around the table, a brief stab to his subconscious when his eyes passed over Sid's file.

"They diversified." Steve sighed.

Bucky grabbed the file Steve was talking about and opened it up, "Sounds like they were working on recovering some of the original data from the Tesseract that you tried to make sure stayed lost." He scanned a few pages rather flippantly, "Advanced weaponry and human experiments."

Steve shrugged and his words were laced with sarcasm, "Sounds familiar enough." He paged through the document and something curious caught his eye in some of the more recent projects. Projects that had been started within the months following the invasion of New York that seemed to expand on new research in theoretical weaponry and genetic manipulation.

It wasn't like there weren't millions of others who were trying to reverse engineer alien tech that Shield had apprehended, but he wasn't the least bit surprised by Hydra coasting on Loki's coattails for world domination. If he and Bucky could pull on a few strings, gain the assistance of some of the smartest and most capable people he knew, he was sure they could formulate a plan in very little time.

He looked up at Bucky, who was nose deep in a file, adding some more notes and even deigning to reach over and grab a Stark tablet and ask Jarvis for assistance. While he operated the screen with the relative ease of a highly skilled assassin, but there was a hint of unfamiliarity peaking through his features, especially when the tip of his pink tongue poked through his lips while he typed something out with his pointer fingers before seamlessly shifting into touch typing.

Steve felt something shift in his gut as he watched Bucky look so adorably normal with a tablet in his hand. There was an affection bordering on reverence as he watched Bucky and the very real feelings he admitted to Sid about him pushed their way through Steve's subconscious. Looking down at the files, he knew that he couldn't bring up those feelings now, not while Bucky was already going through so much with his returned memories which had become a burdensome gift. He needed to just be grateful that Bucky was alive and that they actually had a future with each other in it.

Steve tried to read the same shoddily written sentence over and over. His mind was stuck in a relentless loop, thinking about Bucky, about Sid, about Hydra, and all of the very confusing emotions that were combating for space in his mind. After he read the name Wolfgang for the twelfth time, he shut the file slowly and rubbed at his eyes. He glanced at the windows and saw the sun had drastically switched places and he looked down and realized he still had a towel in his lap and only a pair of sweatpants on his hips.

He looked over at Bucky who was still just as tense as the last time Steve checked and sighed, "You look like shit."

Bucky didn't miss a beat and blithely replied, "Is that how you get all the ladies, sailor?"

Steve chuckled, "I think you need to get some rest. Take a shower for fucks sake."

"Ooooooh, Stevie said a no-no word." Bucky chided in his monotone.

"Buck, I'm the one that has to live with that smell." The commanding tone set in and though it was facetious, it still received the same reaction.

"You sure got particular in your old age." Bucky sat up sharply and took a deep breath, "Fine, I'll shower. But I need the promise of food or…" His grin had the slight lean of cat-like impishness. "Well…"

Steve shrugged, he couldn't exactly disagree. Much to the dismay of meeting anyone who saw him as the hero rather than the man, he could not subsist on the glory of freedom and the honor of integrity alone. "I can help with one of those at least."

Bucky chuckled, a boyish smile spreading on his lips as he stood up and walked past Steve to clap a hand on his bare shoulder, "Better be good." His tone sounded teasing to Steve's ears but the feeling of Bucky's hand gripping Steve's shoulder sent a white hot heat down his spine that vanished as soon as Bucky unknowingly clarified, "I'm thinking Indian. Not that stuffy place Tony goes to. The one Sam likes."

Steve tried to suppress the blood rush that was trying to make itself known on his skin as Bucky walked into his room to get himself ready to shower.

Steve sighed heavily and glanced back at his own room, wondering just how long Indian food would take. He needed to figure out a way to get control of himself.


	50. It Almost Went Okay

"God damnit," Sid chuckled and then hissed, grabbing her side as she tried to quell her laughter, "You're making my ribs hurt, Ororo." She had to appreciate that Ororo could make her laugh, especially with the knot in her gut that just wouldn't go away.

With her sly smile, Ororo replied and broke Sid from her thoughts, "Well, stop trying to be a martyr. You're hurt, you can have a few more days off for recovery." She allowed Sid to lean into her as they made their way out of the infirmary.

"How's Logan? I know I scared the shit out of him." Sid sobered slightly, her body sore and weak after days of straight training and studying around the clock, which came to an abrupt halt when a simulation with Wolverine and a surprise visit by Cyclops went intensely wrong.

"You zigged when you should have zagged." Ororo added blithely and Sid shot her a reprimanding glare with just the hint of amusement behind it.

"Yeah." Sid chuckled softly, "The ribs will heal, I'm more worried about the hair."

Ororo clicked her tongue at Sid, "I told you not to leave it down when fighting with Cyclops."

Sid groaned dramatically as they made their way back to her room where she would hopefully rest. She was staying in a shared common area used by a few other guests and recent arrivals, and for the last few days she'd been holed up and forced to rest, held captive from the outside world by the stern looking, but ultimately lovely, red head she knew as Jean Grey. Sid hadn't met Jean during her scattered timeline with the X-Men. However, Sid's reasons for getting to know her now were a little bittersweet.

Learning to operate the defensive techniques of her powers and being able to reign in the anxiety and fear that plagued her was a very challenging feat. It took intense concentration and trust in herself that was only slowly starting to build. When she wielded her powers for parlor tricks and minor injuries, it was nothing compared to the moments where her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest and everything seemed to be on the line. She knew that if she had been given these powers, she needed to take up the responsibility of understanding them. That meant learning to use them and therefore controlling them.

She had been heavily entrenched in the Morlock culture when she first met Ororo and Xavier. She remembered them offering her a chance at their institution when she was closer to the age she looked, but it wasn't something she had entertained much at the time. She was in love and her heart was telling her to stay with those who became her family. During the passing years, they never offered it up again, but were sure to maintain contact with Sid, who was charming and sincere and had a great eye for helping people. She'd done more than just go between Halloram Shelter and The Alley; she'd been a sort of mutant concierge, pointing people in certain directions, offering safe housing and alternatively, escape, in the very few times Xavier's school needed her assistance. She had appreciated the fact that during her stay, Xavier remembered the particular scared children that Sid had helped and had taken it upon himself to mention where they had gone after their time at his school. It took some effort and a little bit of pushing from Xavier for Sid to start to acknowledge that she was capable of doing something right.

She cared deeply about the people she walked away from, but as she was wandering around the nearby cities, getting herself closer and closer to invisibility, she felt a nudge towards Xavier's school. When she arrived, she'd taken it upon herself to fulfill the flighty white lie of why she left Avenger's Tower in the first place. She hid away for many reasons, most of them driven by fear of the burgeoning feelings metastasizing in her body, a lot of selfishness really, but she did it nonetheless.

Sid had changed greatly since meeting Xavier the first time, but she never lost her interest in knowledge. After her relationship with Callisto changed, she threw herself into a patchwork education, learning whatever she could from the people in The Alley and eventually those outside of it.

She'd never have what the children at Xavier's did but she'd be damned if she didn't want to try it on for a little while. With the permission of Xavier and the other professors, Sid sat in on every class she could manage between training sessions. She'd gotten to see a little glimpse of a new world and she was extremely grateful for the opportunity.

An itch at her scalp brought her back to the moment and as she itched the hell out of the space above her ear, she was at least half-thankful that the skin was healing over and that her hair hadn't singed all the way down to the roots. She knew she could pull off short hair, but it had been sometime since trying. She huffed her way over to one of the common mirrors and fingered at the different lengths trying to imagine something artful to do with it. Sighing a bit heavily at the very limited length to work with, she hoped that whoever did Ororo's hair was free very soon, because the untamed, singed mess on two-thirds of her head was not a fetching look for this season.

She stomped to her bed this time, grumpy as all hell and itching at the bandages on her side. Logan had stuck her pretty good, purely by misstep and bad timing. He could have easily avoided landing the blow, but Sid had the fortuity to slip and almost get herself fully impaled. Though she was at least comforted by the moment of horror in Logan's eyes as he managed to mostly evade instead of completely eviscerate. But it was the unintentional blow from Cyclops in concert with her artful misstep that she was completely unable to deflect, bleeding as she was and still mid fall. It all happened in the blink of an eye and then she was covered in blood and her hair was on fire. It was painful, embarrassing, and most of all infuriating.

She tried not to think of this as some sort of cosmic karma for being such a vapid asshole with no regard for her own mental health and the health of others. She was a selfish creature, it was true, but she was trying to do what was right with the choices that she made. All in all, it came down to the sincere hope that her absence would give Steve and Bucky some time to focus on each other. She glanced at her bedside table, where her burner phone laid. It was a shitty little thing, but it had a manageable calendar and she hadn't been able to break it yet and with her luck, it was not for lack of trying. She grabbed it and clicked on the phone, checking the date and swallowing heavily as she counted the days since she had been gone. It hadn't been long, but it hadn't been short either.

She was having a difficult time trying to come to terms with what she had done and been through. Her time with the Avengers had been enlightening to say the least and not all in good ways. By either chance or destiny, she wasn't sure which caused these people to gravitate into her path, but she was shocked by the influence they made in such a short period of time.

Bucky had captured her heart in a very abrupt way. He came into her life like a thunderstorm and with as much damage, but there was something distinctly healing about her relationship with him. Even when plagued by his own healing mind, there was a part of him that was so aware and occasionally concerned with the people around him. He played it off pretty well to most people, but Sid saw something in his actions that she immediately recognized in her own soul. She couldn't figure out why she felt compelled to reach out to him, but she quickly came to realize that he had needed it or he wouldn't have accepted. She got to see glimpses of the man he was or was becoming and she was enamored with him. When he did eventually relax, there was such an easy charm in his eyes and something genuine behind even the smallest twitch of a smile. It didn't hurt that he was absolutely gorgeous. It'd be disingenuous not to point that out, but by the time she finally saw the lines of his jaw after his first real shower, it was really just an added bonus. There was something inherently beautiful about him, as chaotic as he was.

And falling for Steve was something of a romance in itself. Meeting him was an honor, but becoming his friend was an adventure. He was a difficult person to get to know at first, a carefully crafted image keeping himself distant from the world around him. Chipping away at that exterior took some effort, but it was well worth the wait. It wasn't that he wasn't just as impressive as his alter ego, but rather so much more than a caricature. There was a rawness to who he was behind the mask, beautifully complex and eager to be as good as he possibly could be. He was a thoughtful person, assessing, observing, and processing, more out of instinct than necessity, but what he observed drove his devotion to kindness and fairness in every aspect of his life. He was not consumed by his pride, though it often reared its ugly head in varying degrees of stubbornness. Sometimes, that sort of devotion to doing what was right made it difficult to love him, the feelings of inadequacy in the face of such a paragon were powerful and difficult to face. There was so much about him that she admired, so much she feared. There was an odd sense of home that anchored her to him. Leaving that sense of safety caused Sid to feel more than just desperately lonely.

Sid felt her chest swell with emotion. Namely regret, but alternatively a most desperate longing for home. She stared down at the phone again, contemplating just punching in a few numbers and seeing what happened. She sighed heavily and knew that it would be brash and messy if she did it that way. Her furtive regret and desperation to return to them seemed like one of the most selfish things she could imagine. So instead she opened up a text, typed in a different number and wrote a simple message: _I'm at Xavier's. I'm sorry I'm a shit head._ She knew out of anyone, Natasha would understand the cowardly first attempt at contact. She'd still be pissed, but she'd understand.

She stood herself up and stretched a little crookedly before feeling a heavy rumble in her gut. She tucked the phone back into her bed and focused on what she could do right at this moment, hoping that she could devote herself to something instead of immediately succumbing to the panic caused by sending that message. She decided to head to the nearest common area and find herself something to eat.

Counting her steps towards the commons was a soothing experience and when she got into the kitchen, she had to wiggle her way through a throng of teens and young adults surrounding the TV while she whipped herself up a quick bowl of some cold pasta dish.

After her first bite, her attention was finally caught by the TV when the kids surrounding it hushed each other and turned up the volume. She caught the words "Tony Stark" and chewed through her curiosity, knowing there was plenty good reason for Tony to be on TV. But with the mention of "disaster" her eyes widened, and then she choked a little bit at the mention of "Steve Rogers" and "Bucky Barnes." She got right up with her injured grace and shoved her way to the front with little civility, her heart just about exploding in her chest as her gaze settled on the screen and she felt the cold burn of terror as tears formed in her eyes.

There were numerous seated, besuited people all talking at once while a B-roll of devastation played in the background. Artistic cuts between high quality news cameras and the terrified shaking of a camera phone pieced together a tale of absolute insanity that started with a distantly familiar mention about an accident in Avengers tower that very quickly hurtled into an international disaster involving a catastrophic infighting between two Avengers in Johannesburg, South Africa, a violent roadway battle in Seoul, South Korea, and culminating cataclysmically with an entire city, Sokovia, basically exploding in the sky.

Her knees immediately went weak and the people around her, having super powers and all, were able to catch her before she crumpled to the floor. Sid was dazed. The sudden and horrible realization hit her, that this was the first time The Avengers were really people to her. Before of course, her attention to the idea of superheroes was driven by a childhood delight in comics, they were stories, practically fairy tales in news reel form. As with all learning, she was wrong at first and never thought to apply personhood to a comic character she read about from magazines stolen from paper stands. It wasn't until she saw a real photo of Captain America in an actual history book as a teen and realized he wasn't some loosely-based cautionary tale from a desperate time. But now he was so much more than a grainy photo or some historical icon from a century ago, he was flesh and blood and _loved_ and her entire body felt like molten tar, pulling her down, sinking her into the blinding heat of her desperation. Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Sam — all of their faces kept flashing by, and each glimpse of their bloodied forms was like the strike of lightning to the pain center of her brain. When Sid spied the glint of metal and a man in black fighting by Cap's side, she felt the food in her gut rise right back up, a weak hand rushed to her mouth, thankful her chest seemed to be clenching so tight she could hardly breathe and therefore couldn't puke.

Clips of Steve fighting off hoards of red eyed robots, Bucky not far behind, dispatching them with ethereal precision were dancing in her head and looping before her eyes. Interspersed with visions of screaming children and buildings falling from the sky, she saw Tony and probably Rhodey and Sam as pinpricks against the bright blue of the morning, flying through fire and shrapnel in order to keep the perimeter and solve the immense problem they faced. Faces she knew and loved, faces she didn't know but feared for, were flashing between every blink of her eyes and proving to be just too much for her brain to handle.

Sid was horrified. She was trying to tune into the discussion the news anchors were having, but she couldn't really process it. Every time she heard the word "dead" and the names of people she loved and people she didn't even know, she felt her heart skip a beat. "Mayhem", "death", "destruction", "playing God", words that extrapolated on this example of hubris and the danger that it poses human kind. She didn't know what really happened, she didn't know if everyone was okay. An entire city exploded and these assholes weren't doing anything but pushing their anti-powered people agendas. She didn't care about the politics, she needed to hear about the people. She had to find them. She had to hold Bucky's face in her hands and feel the warmth of his skin and the grit of his stubble beneath her fingertips. She needed to see him smile, just to prove that there was still beauty in the world. She needed Steve. She needed to hug him, to hear him laugh, she had to be able to see him and not these grainy, bloody images that reminded her of a time when he was supposed to be dead. She had to do something aside from laying there and imagining the funerals she'd have to attend.

Getting to her feet proved difficult, especially with cold pasta covering her and numerous people telling her to wait for someone to come help. She tried to mutter platitudes, assuring them of her ability to function, but it may have been garbled nonsense for all she cared.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." She finally managed to mumble when a single foot finally planted and led a chain reaction of stability in her frame. She nodded and waved, brushing off stray noodles and spinach, while she remembered how to breathe and her vision finally seemed to clear. She eventually registered the horrified faces surrounding her, looking at her like she might drop again any minute. "I pinky swear." She put up a pinky weakly, but at least her skin looked slightly less ashen.

She could see the disagreement in their eyes, but she persisted. There was this new, sobering feeling in her gut that she couldn't live her life like this. Heartbreak was just a news reel away and it seemed to shatter whatever weak resolve was telling her to run away from something that could be meaningful.

The overwhelming need to return to her friends, beg their forgiveness, and spend the rest of her life doting on them was tainted by a severe annoyance at the world's greatest empath who had been keeping her quarantined from the reality of near annihilation and the possible death of her friends. Her voice felt sharp, but not yet angry, "I just need to see Xavier, immediately."


	51. Things have happened

Sid was panting as she stood in the elevator, jabbing at the penthouse button and murmuring curses as it moved too slow for her liking. She was in the tower now, her chat with the professor was blunt and probably edging on bitterness on her side, but she thanked him for everything they had done for her and told him she needed to get back at once. Logan had taken it upon himself to drive Sid on his motorcycle. There weren't many options available to her at that moment and she felt a little absurd requisitioning the jet, so she climbed on the back of Logan's death bike and got her ass back to Manhattan at something close to mach five and not for lack of terrified begging to go slower.

The lights kept flickering in the elevator and the tower must have been damaged pretty badly since Jarvis was acting all sorts of off. The communications seemed to be out, because she couldn't get a verbal response from him no matter what she tried. Her heart was thrashing against her sternum during her slow ascent in harrowed silence. It had only been three hours since she saw the newsreel about the Avengers.

The last thing she'd seen before going into that fateful training session was a brief rumor about an accident at Avengers Tower that was all very hush-hush. She originally shrugged it off as some classic Tony and Bruce antics, but before she could find anything else out, she'd been stabbed, burnt, and basically quarantined for what she now knew to be bullshit reasons. She understood what Xavier was trying to do, giving her time to heal before jumping face first to a possibly catastrophic situation while severely injured and emotionally unstable, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

And of course, he was right. She didn't really spend any time thinking about getting herself back to them, she just knew she had to. In the time warp that was the elevator, she was now forced to stare down her disastrous decision to leave both the school and the tower. She had known it was a mistake pretty much immediately after she left the latter, but she didn't really know how to fix it other than walk back in, yell 'April Fools' not in April and hope they'd laugh it off.

Sid had tried to do what she could to make her distance from them at least worth something. Many days were spent with Xavier, trying to process her trauma, and when that grim business was done, she snuck into a few classes and tried to think of it as "bettering" herself — whatever that meant. She knew she couldn't carry all of the last year or so's accumulated baggage and keep pretending to be okay when she was shattering inside. She may not have accomplished much in the amount of time she was away from them, but it was a start. She knew she'd face failure in the future, but she decided that she'd rather work on herself while part of something that mattered to her. Part of _them_ , whatever her role would be.

As the door opened, she froze, completely unsure of what the fuck she thought she could say to these people she abandoned when they might have needed her the most. Choking on her own terror for a second, she didn't notice the two Iron Soldiers as the elevator opened until their blasters were in her face and they were both monotonously blaring INTRUDER in a voice that was definitely not Jarvis.

She yelped at the initial shock and then realized that they had probably seen her coming and Jarvis not talking to her meant that he was very mad at her. It sent her mind for a loop that a program could be angry at her, but she heartily believed Jarvis could do anything. She swallowed back another whine as the blaring continued and she muttered to herself, "I probably deserve this."

The set of machines eye's flickered for a second and Sid flinched before hearing someone call out, "Sid is that you?"

"Oh shit." She whispered to herself as the steps got closer, she couldn't see anything past the giant metal expanse in front of her and their brightness and whirring seemed to dull pretty much every other sound around her.

"Stand down!" She heard a muffled voice, feminine, shouting out from behind the metal mountains. Then a pale, elegant hand shoved between the two suits with frustration, before a lovely mane of red popped itself through and was followed by Pepper's rosy grimace. "Stand down!" She growled again as she shoved and the two suits sharply shifted to parade rest. "Thank you Friday." Pepper's glare remained for just a second until she tugged her clothes and smile into place before officially facing Sid.

"Ms. Potts," A female voice chimed around them and Sid gasped in indignation in the second before it continued to speak, "My protocols are unclear in this moment, I seem to be… Malfunctioning. I'm contacting Mr. Stark."

"No!" Both Pepper and Sid yelled. The second after, they met each other's confused gaze. Pepper's pinched features probably indicated this Friday's suggestion would be an inconvenience and likely incite panic, the sentries were probably there for a reason. Sid mostly just feared facing the consequences of being such a massive friendship-failure. Shame flooded into her gut and settled in to stay, while her thoughts used her many personal failings as the tails for her mental whip.

"Ms. Potts, I have an automatic response encoded that requires me to notify Mr. Stark in the event of an anomaly." Sid recognized a sensual Irish brogue and immediately rolled her eyes at the man who was Tony Stark. Pepper noticed and gave her an empathetic look.

"Fine, but I want you to know that Sid is a dear friend to the Avengers. I don't think Tony had anticipated updating you on that after the mess with Jarvis." Pepper choked off the last word, clearing her throat and blinking back a bit of mist that formed in her eyes.

Sid felt her heart drop, "Jarvis?"

Pepper looked up at Sid with sorrow, but she seemed to finally take Sid in and her eyes went wide before she blurted, "What happened to you?"

Sid felt her stomach clench and she spat out, "I was at Xavier's." As if it were a good enough explanation for her frightful state.

Pepper paused for a moment, taking stock of Sid one more time with her wind blown, singed hair, her body curled over slightly as if she were nursing one side, and the random patches and stains left over from Sid's run in with pasta salad and existential crisis. "I mean —," She paused and her mouth flapped for a just a second and Sid felt the terror of rejection start to creep its way up up her throat like bile, "— I guess they would know mutant biology best." Pepper finished as judiciously as ever, then she grimaced slightly, "Your hair though…"

Sid gave her a weak smile and gulped back that little bit of her terror for the moment, ever thankful for Pepper's grace and tact, "I tangled with two other mutants, one had sharp things and the other had fire eyes. I fucked up big time, got half skewered and a laser beam to the face area, but I promise I'm healing okay. I would have been here sooner but Xavier used my injury to sequester me when everything going on here went down."

Pepper remained moderately impassive, trying not to show just how excited she was to see Sid again. They got to bond a lot, surprisingly. She ran a company out of the building half the time and while Sid tried to keep Bucky busy, they'd always end up running into Pepper somehow and stop to chat if she could. The woman was brilliant and fascinating to boot, ever mindful of the innermost workings of the company she ran to perfection. Sid always enjoyed their talks, especially the ones when the Avengers actually got together to relax because Pepper had a dry humor and razor sharp wit that was unmatched.

But the time for relaxation seemed to be over.

"What happened? There were robots? And the robot made a comet?!" Sid finally begged, her desperation very obvious.

"Oh shit. Ultron. Right." Pepper shook cobwebs from her mind, "I was barely here for any of it really. I left for a business meeting in Canada after the party celebrating another successful Hydra base destruction. The last few weeks you've been away there was a resolute determination to finally uproot the maniacs." Pepper waved Sid's pained look away and started in on the bare bones of the rest of the story, "The Cliff's Notes version is Tony and Bruce were creating something, Ultron, to be a program of peace, but it went totally wrong when they used Loki's scepter." Pepper sighed softly, "The program was something completely different. It wanted to gain peace through extinction — the Avengers' extinction. It - it dismantled Jarvis, overtook some suits and the rest…" Her voice went watery again as she paused to take a deep calming breath.

"Dismantled?" Sid muttered softly, swaying slightly at the news and not truly understanding what it meant. If he was taken apart, it must mean that Tony could put him back together again, but when she looked back up at Pepper who had tears in her own eyes, Sid felt her chest tighten and her diaphragm clench. She opened her mouth to say something, but she had no words.

Pepper gave her a sad smile and reached out her hand, "Let's go sit down. We have a lot to go over and they'll probably be back before I can finish."

Sid followed as Pepper made her way to table and pushed aside the paperwork that had blueprints of Avengers Tower all over it and invoices that were probably for repairs. Pepper pushed an unopened bottle of water over to her as they sat and then nudged a plate of snacks in Sid's direction. Sid held onto the bottle but couldn't even look at the food, so Pepper dove into the story that sounded so absurd that Sid could barely believe it. Tony and Bruce accidentally created a hostile AI that was basically beyond the comprehension of anything known to man. This AI tore through the Avengers and wreaked havoc across the globe in its rapid and insidious quest to destroy the only remaining plague on this earth: humanity. The entire team was shaken up by the AI's demonstrable strength and ingenuity, but also his enhanced allies which were a result of Hydra's brainwashing and experimentation on mutants. With switching sides and general intrigue, Pepper brought Sid up to date with the fighting in South Korea, but didn't get to finish as the doors at the back of the common room banged open and swung shut revealing Natasha, scanning the space until she locked in on Sid.

The ferocity of Natasha's focused gaze made Sid's adrenaline spike so sharply that she jumped to her feet, contrite and terrified all at once, unsure if she wanted to run towards Natasha or away. Natasha seemed unbothered by the tension, making her way over casually, her face not betraying a thing. Sid's mouth popped open to say something but Natasha just wrapped her in a hug and pulled her close.

"Don't ever do anything like that again." She rasped into Sid's ear and she wasn't sure if it was a threat or an emotional admonishment. Sid figured either way, she needed to heed the advice.

For a moment, she let herself sink into Natasha's hug, gripping at her just to substantiate the moment and make it more real. The peaceful hum of their interaction was quickly interrupted as two beefy arms wrapped about both of them and Clint nuzzled his face between them and muttered, "Who's got two thumbs and ordered a cuddle buffet?"

Sid laughed heartily at that and even Natasha shook her head and was forced to hold back laughter.

"We'll talk, but a lot is going on." Natasha said as she pulled back, squeezing Sid's shoulders in reassurance.

"And since we're all relatively emotionally stunted, I'll send you some reading to get you caught up on the facts." Clint agreed as he stood to his full height and gravitated directly to Natasha's side.

"Pepper started to, but I'd appreciate any help I can get." Sid smiled, thankful they were even willing to look at her.

"And hell you got bigger things to worry abou—," His words tapered into a pained groan as Natasha elbowed him in the gut sharply.

"Yeah," Sid nodded with a bitter laugh, "Yeah, I know. I deserve it, Clint, so when the time comes, let me have it."

Clint gave Natasha a smug look and she rolled her eyes at him before looking back at Sid with a bit of softness to her features.

"They missed you." Natasha insisted softly.

Sid bit the inside of her cheek to keep from bursting into tears at the revelation, so very thankful that Natasha had said it.

"Thanks." Sid's words struggled their way through a tight throat, "When there's time, I'll come see you." Natasha and Clint nodded, heading towards the stairs to make their way up to their nest.

Tony wasn't far behind them. He was quiet and alone and for some reason, Sid felt like that looked completely wrong on him. He approached Pepper and gave her a solid kiss before muttering a few things about invoices. His playful whine with Pepper and the absolute adoration in his eyes for her warmed Sid's heart and she was happy to see that Tony Stark could never truly be broken. His eyes settled on Sid's and they seemed sad again, but he smiled anyway. He came over and gave her a big hug with a quick, "Glad you're back." Before he careened off in the direction of what was sure to be his lab.

Sid frowned at the lonely sight of his singular frame walking away and turned back to Pepper who was now gathering her things. "Bruce?" Sid asked hastily, her heart pounding against her ribcage.

"Johannesburg was an accident, but many people were quite upset. He was struggling with it. Tony thinks he ran because he was a threat to the Avengers as a team." Pepper sighed heavily, a tiny quiver of the lip cracking through her reserve.

"Oh Bruce…" Sid's hand went to her mouth to contain the cry she wanted to let out. Bruce had to be absolutely devastated about the incident and Sid couldn't be mad at him for running. She'd done the exact same thing. Her heart was aching until she heard the door open behind Pepper.

They both turned abruptly and saw three people that Sid had never met before. She was taking in the three of them until Rhodey wound around them and made a beeline for Pepper.

He grabbed her arm gently, guiding her to forget about the paperwork as he muttered, "Did Tony go to his lab?"

As he pulled her along, Pepper didn't resist because it wasn't like Rhodey ever did anything without a purpose, "Yes, why?"

Sid only caught the last of it as Rhodey nodded to her with a strained smile in passing and lowered his voice only slightly as they walked away, "He's gonna need us, it's about his parents."

Sid was distracted for a moment as she watched them disappear, but she heard a familiar voice chime that just about knocked her breath out of her chest.

"You are Sid."

Sid turned to shout at the ceiling in glee but her face almost collided with the person in front of her, who on second glance, may not have been human at all. He was inches away from her, staring at her in fond fascination, his skin was plated in a deep maroon, his eyes were almost mechanical in the way the pupils dilated as he studied her further.

"J-Jarvis?" Sid muttered stupidly.

He was taken aback by that for a moment, almost slightly insulted before something clicked in his brain and he nodded with understanding. He tilted his head slightly, looking concerned, "That's unfortunate. I'm sorry to be the one to inform you that I assimilated him."

Sid gulped back something like dread and tried to formulate some kind of response that wasn't probably super rude to whatever he was exactly, " _Ultron_?!"

"No!" He insisted emphatically, looking disappointed she would think so.

Sid heaved out a sigh of relief, trying to make sense of this moment was making her dizzy, "So you're not —? Then you —? Uh —?"

"I am Vision." He said simply but then smiled a bit impishly, "It's complex."

Sid nodded slowly in profound confusion as she stared at Vision, a person or creature unlike anything she'd ever seen. "Okay." She eventually got out.

"I do retain Jarvis's memories." He stated it like it was an apology. "I am incredibly impressed with his uniqueness and tenacity for such primitive design. He brought a brilliant stepping stone to my evolution." He leaned forward slightly as his eyes roved over her in something like fascination, but somehow in a way that was polite and not intimidating. His voice was so familiar and yet so strange, "He was fond of you."

Sid bit her lip and couldn't help the tears that broke through her reserve. She sniffled a little bit and tried to stuff it back in with the back of her hand, but Vision reached for her, their hands met and a strange sort of energy buzzed between them. Sid was slightly dazed in the minute contact, the jewel crested above his brow glittering like starlight as he gazed at her curiously for a few beats of silence.

"Will you introduce us?" Another voice chimed in and broke the moment. It was sultry in a way, almost deeper than Sid's voice. Sid found the source after she tore her eyes away from Vision's and spotted a petite brunette with striking features, dressed in a simple way that seemed casually elegant. Another taller man was glued to her side, smiling lopsidedly with grey fringe bobbing in front of his eyes.

"Jealous." He disguised the word as a cough but the woman smacked his arm and hissed something beautifully sharp in their native tongue.

Vision was distracted again and he beamed at the woman who came to his side, "I would be honored." He looked genuinely enthused as he turned back to Sid and guided the woman closer, "Wanda, this is Sid. She is a very close friend of Captain America and The Winter Soldier. Jarvis knew her and now she knows me." His eyes went to Sid, seeming like he was restricting his true excitement for the moment behind the calmness of his voice, "Sid, this is Wanda Maximoff, also known as Scarlett Witch, and she can manipulate energy. Her twin brother is Pietro and he is extremely fast and strong."

Pietro nodded and whistled, "That Cap." His accent was as thick as his sisters, but he spoke with less restriction than she did. Some of his sounds were exaggerated, probably by the extra energy he had zipping through him. "He and his friend are tough dudes."

Wanda rolled her eyes at her brother, "Pardon him, he has an incredible affinity for being an idiot."

Pietro just beamed even brighter at his sister and she couldn't help but chuckle.

Sid felt entirely out of her element at the moment, meeting these new people in such an odd situation. She pieced a few things together from the news reel showing them assisting the Avengers in Sokovia. She figured new friends were just as good as old, "It's my pleasure. I really hope I get to see you guys around more often."

"You shall." Pietro winked as he grabbed Vision by the shoulders and started to steer him away.

"We live here now." Wanda smiled and waved before she followed her brother's now constant chattering to a raptly listening Vision.

In the silence of their retreat, Sid heard the door open again.


	52. Tightrope Type of Talking

The door swung shut again. This time it was Sam and Steve that walked in with heads bowed in discussion. When they looked up, they froze in shock, seeing her there, half haggard to hell and back. And much to Sid's dismay they were, of course, dressed in business attire, trim cut slacks and perfectly tailored shirts, looking as dapper as ever. She swallowed heavily, her eyes instantly connecting with Steve's and trying her damnedest not to read into the way his eyes were framed by clenched brows, holding the smallest hope because of the way his lips fell open softly, like a breath too soft to notice was escaping. Her mouth dropped open too, but it was much less glorious as scattered words wanted to come tumbling out. As she started to blubber, the door opened again and Bucky strode past Sam and Steve, breaking the moment so sharply that Sid actually stumbled back a bit as he made his way to her with quick strides.

Her eyes were barely able to focus on him as they flickered back to a now blatantly concerned Steve. She flashed back to Bucky and he was so close so she blurted out with half a sob, "I'm so sorry I —,"

But the air was knocked out of her when Bucky's arms crushed around her, his fingertips splaying across her back in all directions, touching every possible inch he could and holding her tightly against him. He instantly lessened his grip when he sensed her cringe because of her recent injury. He held her delicately then, breathing her in for just a moment that felt like it would last a lifetime. Sid was felt like every nerve in her body was screaming at once, but not because of his strength, rather the soft muttering repeating in her ear, with gentleness and care, "I am so glad you're okay."

Sid's body finally reconnected with her mind and she tried to throw herself into him further despite her aching ribs smothering themselves against Bucky's firm chest as she choked back her tears, "It's gonna take me some time to get used to hearing you babbling on like that."

Bucky chuckled loudly and gave her one last squeeze before stepping back as Sam snuck in real quick to give her a big, hearty hug. "I gotta eat and y'all gotta talk. Don't make me go all therapist on you." He whispered it harshly in her ear, but it held a lot of affection.

Sid and Bucky chuckled as Steve came up last. He smile was wide, but something hit Sid like a truck when his eyes finally met hers. This was the canned smile, something artfully crafted to seem easy going and sincere. She had to admit it felt jarring having it directed at her after she'd been witness to so many of Steve's genuine grins, but she stuffed it down and accepted his stiff hug with only the slight inclination to cling to him and somehow force his body to hug her like he once had.

He pulled away, locking something in the reserve and looking conflicted as his words came out, "I missed you Sid."

Sid swallowed heavily. She wasn't sure she could actually formulate the words meant to describe just how achingly empty she had felt with their absence in her life. She didn't know if it was even okay for her to express it, or how to find a way that didn't make her seem like the hypocrite she was.

"I missed you too." It seemed so weak, but it would have to suffice until she could figure out how to talk to them about the feelings she had. She couldn't center right now, not after all they had just been through.

"I'm gonna get some grub and be back in about an hour. You guys need some time to talk. Please do it. I'm gonna bring back food and no one will get it if feelings aren't shared." Sam insisted vehemently.

"That's gotta be a violation of your license somehow." Bucky muttered as he scratched at the stubble on his jaw, adding a whole different dimension to the business attire that Sid had been successfully avoiding thinking about.

"Stubborn minds, stubborn measures." Sam wagged his finger at the three of them, all gathered like admonished school children in the completely inexplicable situation they'd gotten themselves into. He turned sharply and shouted over his shoulder as his jacket swung over the other, "I'm getting chinese. Text me." He sauntered his way out.

Steve, Bucky and Sid all scrunched together quite instinctively, in order to tally up how much goddamn food they'd need to order in order to feed themselves. They grouped together and started murmuring, planning out a meal for their small army, as if they'd done it a thousand times and would do it a thousand more despite the current hiccup. Once they figured out a menu, they texted Sam and walked back to Steve's apartment while he wired Sam some money out of genuine shame.

When they entered the space, largely untouched after the Ulton attack, they all halted, unsure of how to continue, all of them acknowledging how different it felt when the three of them were finally together again.

Sid shut her eyes tightly and held onto the beautiful silence. She wanted to remember feeling whole before she fucked it all up. Then she opened her eyes.

"Where do you guys wanna start? I think it's only fair you ask whatever questions you want and I answer them honestly." Sid felt the words rush out of her lips before she could stop them and her hands shot up to cover her mouth, ultimately unsuccessful in trapping anything but her panting breaths.

Bucky just snorted, "There it is."

Steve chuckled softly too, "So that's what it feels like to hit a wall head on."

Sid sputtered out a soft laugh but tried to contain herself and stay serious. They needed to face it and a session of talking was the only solution. She turned around to face them and spoke genuinely, "It's up to you guys. I can be a ghost until you're ready. I don't even have to be here if you don't want me to. This trip was utterly self serving. I had to make sure you were okay. I know its selfish, but I had to." She sighed softly, "Now that I know you're both okay, I can give you the space you need. I got a new phone and I can check in or you can call or I'll just…"

The words choked off, halted by her desperation. She would do whatever she could to get in their good graces again.

"Why?" Steve finally spoke, but his voice was cold.

Sid blinked hard and swallowed down her shame, "Because I was scared. What happened between the three of us was really confusing. I know the both of you have gone through so much worse and I'm sorry I was selfish, but I got torn up through all of this. I freaked out and —," She stopped herself from trying to absolve her sins through explanation, "I am so sorry." Her voice shook on the ending and she stamped that down too.

"Why Xavier's?" Bucky asked, his voice surprisingly soft.

"I decided me being a spineless jerk shouldn't go to waste. It was familiar during a confusing time and I knew they could help me figure some things out." Sid was able to speak clearly for the moment.

"Did you?" Steve shot back, his words were clipped, blunt, like if he said anything else he'd lose the upper hand in the conversation.

Sid tried not to grin at their interrogation. Despite the fact that Steve's body was rife with tension, his large arms, full of warmth and strength were still there. Despite the fury weighing down his brow, his features were still just as beautiful as she remembered, far too beautiful to be so full of pain. She basked in the simple enjoyment, knowing that he was there, that he was okay, and that Bucky and Steve at least had each other. She looked up at them both, holding her mouth in a grim line as to not show her pathetic glee, holding the simplicity of their presence as close to her heart as her favorite song, knowing guilt would come crashing back down soon enough, "I started to."

Steve gave her a curt nod and looked at Bucky who simply shrugged.

They both looked at Sid, but Steve was the one who spoke, "There's a lot to figure out."

Sid nodded, trying to keep the love in her heart from leaking out when seeing the look of some inner turmoil pulling at his eyes, "There is." She sighed softly and tried to smile at him, but his eyes dropped quickly with a small, bitter grin. Sid tried to not let her broken heart affect the rest of her. "How are you both? How are the memories?" She directed this question at both of them, but focused on Bucky when Steve wouldn't meet her eyes.

They both scoffed and Steve gestured for Bucky to start, obviously, "It's been a trip. There is a lot of pieces still missing, but I feel like the more I keep going forward, the more the rest of it expands."

"So it's healing now?" Sid asked hopefully.

"That's what all the scans show." Steve interjected proudly.

Bucky smiled up at him for a second, as if remembering some secret joke about being healthy. He smiled fully when he looked at Sid and she couldn't help but beam in response, "Yeah and that's thanks to you." He reached out and grabbed Sid's hands, but she tried to pull away.

"No, I just —,"

"Just nothing Sid," Steve replied, his voice cold but earnest as ever, "you get to own that."

She felt the heat in her cheeks rise and she gave Steve a cautiously relieved smile, "Okay." Her eyes trailed back to Bucky whose grin was infectious. The adjustment to Bucky that the memories made was interesting to Sid. She knew that it was really him, he looked the same, he sounded the same, but there was a light in his eyes she hadn't seen before. It hurt a little to see it, like a part of what they had may have been lost. Yet was being so kind to her when she didn't deserve it.

He made sure to meet her eyes as he spoke, "You do. Whatever you triggered started something up in my mind. I don't know who I am now, but I know I feel more whole than before. It's difficult, some days, falling into habits I don't recognize or ones that I do recognize now feeling alien… Everything is different."

Sid couldn't complain. His tone was heavy with it and she finally realized the spark in his eyes was hope. She smiled wide, "I'm sure that's a lot to adjust to."

Bucky actually laughed aloud, "That barely scratches the surface."

"But he's doing good." Steve nodded, "Took some convincing but he's working with a therapist Sam recommended."

Bucky interrupted vehemently, "Only because he _has_ to go to his too."

Sid chuckled, delighted by the comfortable bantering that now seemed completely commonplace, "That's really great you guys." She watched the two of them smile at each other, teasing a little bit and laughing like the boys they once were, boys that a century of suffering turned into sober men finally finding peace. She couldn't think of anything more perfect.

"I also got arm upgrades." Bucky added as an afterthought and it snapped Sid right out of her sappy moment.

"Ooooh! Can I see?" Her eyes flashed brightly and she wrung her hands in front of her in excitement.

Bucky chuckled and started pulling off his jacket. Sid blinked away the insane rush of heat that crept up her chest, and her eyes flashed to Steve whose neck was starting to look a little pink.

Bucky whipped his shirt over his head and both Steve and Sid were oblivious to each other for a moment while they simultaneously got their heads out of the gutter. They were both steadfastly avoiding eye contact, worried the other had seen their mental indiscretions, at least until Bucky started rattling off the list of what was different. He sounded like a kid at Christmas and it was hard to keep up any lechery after that. It was an odd moment of innocence, allowing the Soldier the chance to bask in something that was now more _his_.

Sam eventually came in humming with bags of food in his hands. He paused at the sight of the three of them, Bucky straddling a chair with Steve behind and Sid in front, legs straddling one of Bucky's as she curved over the top of his bare shoulder as she inspected something on the back of his mechanical one.

"You know what, I don't even wanna know, I got my ear buds in and here's your food. You do you." Sam joked as he walked to the table and placed the food down. "Be good, kids." He waved over his shoulder before heading out the door, continuing to hum a funk-like beat that added a skip to his step.

Sid felt puzzled until she realized how close she was to Bucky, her eyes meeting his from mere inches away. She hated that her knees wobbled even for a second because his hands shot to her hips to steady her with Steve less than a foot away from the electric moment.

Sid played off her clumsiness as well as she could without words as she moved away from them both and muttered something about the food looking lonely. She went straight to the bags and started divvying up proportions, wanting to kick herself for falling back into old habits when they probably needed more time to adjust to her actions and her apologies. She rubbed at her face and already felt the sheen of grease on her hands. Feeling disgusted and elated at the same time, her stomach grumbled loudly as Steve and Bucky came from behind her and started grabbing at boxes with a chuckle at her expense. She cursed whoever was the God of Superhero hearing.

They sat down and dove into the food, chatting rather distantly about the last few weeks apart while catching each other up. There wasn't too much of emotional depth to the conversation, but they walked each other through the motions politely.

Sid updated them on her progress with Xavier and explained her current state. She had better control of her emotions while going to therapy, that she planned to continue, and with admittedly terrible strenuous practice, her power was more stable too. She showed them how she could summon a useful amount of fire on her own, but she still needed to have access to the other elements in order to manipulate them. Her other, more chaotic aspect of herself, was being processed with the assistance of Xavier. She planned to continue all of this and told them so. They seemed encouraging and she was grateful, but she didn't admit that she was terrified of whether or not she'd be welcomed back into the tower any time soon. She wanted to spend whatever time they wanted with her though, she was desperate for it.

Bucky and Steve walked Sid through Bucky's redemption arc. He had worked tirelessly, formulating plans, gathered and fact-checked information that lead them to the successful dismantling of Hydra. There was still so much to uncover within Hydra's reach, but Bucky had been instrumental, with the assistance of some vague allies, in lobbing off some remaining insidious tentacles.

Their discussion was warm and eventually business attire was shed until both men leaned back in their seats with ties loosened, sleeves rolled up, and grins on their faces, while Sid sprawled on the ground groaning slightly from the absurd amount of food she just packed in her gut.

"Remind me to thank Sam, that Chinese place is amazing and I'm honestly bitter I didn't know about it. I don't think I can move." Sid groaned.

Bucky chuckled softly, "So don't." There was a poignant silence while Sid tried not to read into it.

Steve cleared his throat, his tone regained some of its business-like insistence, "You should be close with everything that's going on anyway Sid."

Sid frowned heavily as she slowly sat up, "What else is going on? I only saw snippets on the news, Xavier was keeping me quarantined." The edge of her voice showed some anger, but she tried to rein in the frustrating feelings of anger and agreement for what Xavier wisely chose to do.

Bucky nodded thoughtfully, his voice bitingly sarcastic, "It seems my existence is a bit of a kick to a hornet's nest."

Steve frowned heavily as he gazed over at Bucky with resolute protectiveness, when he looked back at Sid to speak, it was his Captain voice that came out, "We don't really know yet. A lot of people are up in arms about the last Super Villain Tirade."

"A lot of people are also alive to _be_ upset." Sid defended a little bit too zealously, her own surge of protectiveness, somewhat alien in her belly, riling up emotions she'd been fighting to keep contained.

Steve bit back his grin, but Bucky let his shine, "See? I knew we were missing something. We should let her do PR."

Sid sobered immediately, "That is literally the worst idea I have ever heard."

Bucky smiled softly but then his eyes became absent and his muscles went slack. He looked empty for a moment before he sighed, biting his lip in apprehension before speaking, "I killed Stark's parents." The words were flat and the weight behind them hit Sid like a slap in the face. She stared at Bucky but in his effort to not betray his emotions, his stone cold exterior was an obvious indicator of his feelings on the subject. "He's understandably upset."

"Oh." Sid muttered, feeling sheepish for saying anything at all.

"I had known about it, well it was implied by Zola back during the D.C. debacle, and I meant to bring it up eventually, but — well…" Steve let the sentence drop off, a testimony of the last few years of chaos seemed to be excuse enough to let anything slip in her mind. But then again, she'd never had parents to lose.

"And I don't recall a damn thing." Bucky spoke and his voice was hard. Bitter. "Not yet…" The words were haunted and pained. Sid reached out to him slowly, unsure. His hand was faster and confident when it grabbed hers and began brushing metal fingers against the flushed skin of her fingertips.

Steve cleared his throat sharply, "Someone found that information and deliberately tucked it away for a rainy day." Steve added with a tinge of anger, "It's a point of contention right now and we are unsure of what it means, but Stark is drowning himself in a new Avengers training facility."

"He's got something to prove to himself after all this, I'm guessing." Sid speculated sadly.

Steve nodded but Bucky replied, "We all do."


	53. Overextension

Aside from a much needed haircut, the last week had been contentious to say the least. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells, which in turn pissed everyone else off. Tensions were high and people's hackles were starting to rise.

Most of anyone's time in the tower was spent assisting Pepper and Tony with their numerous relief efforts in Seoul, Johannesburg, and what was left of the area surrounding Sokovia as well as the many displaced victims. That didn't account for any time spent searching for Bruce, which was an especially sore point for everyone on the team. They seemed to be busier than ever, each of them growing a little distant as the days moved forward.

There was a lull in criminal activity of course, which didn't help the bad attitudes, but it tended to happen every so often after one of the more outlandish Avenger's battles. One might think that criminals would see a moment of weakness during recovery, but watching six people who seemed average, if incredibly attractive, out-right demolish a hoard of aliens or robots or authoritarian regimes seemed to be something of a come-to-Jesus-moment in the criminal world.

Sid was trying to keep herself sane by staying neck deep in every single thing Pepper was doing at the moment. She was following her around most of the day, helping her keep track of all the different funds and invoices for the various contributions they were making towards the people who were affected greatest by these tragedies. These efforts by Stark Industries, and the Avengers themselves, weren't often discussed when compared to their thrilling heroics, but all of them agreed this part was just as important. Sid was having a surprising amount of fun chasing Pepper around and learning the ins and outs of a multi-billion dollar corporation that actually gave a shit.

It was keeping her effectively busy enough to forget, at least a few times an hour, that her relationships were severely strained.

Bruce was still gone and she was worried about him, she knew how bad it was to be alone during a time of such tragedy. He was a such a dear friend to her and she wanted more than anything to show that he was not alone. From what she understood of the situation in South Africa, he wasn't truly at fault for his city-wide destruction. Unfortunately that also cast some discomfort on Wanda, who had only been doing what she thought was right at the time. Sid hoped that Bruce would return home soon. She hoped that he recognized how important he was to everyone and that he was sorely missed.

She was lucky to have an easy going companionship with Sam who pretty much always had a smile on his face. He was a good buffer against Steve and Bucky, helping Sid adapt to the new dynamic by making sure she wasn't the only third wheel in the room.

Pietro and Wanda, who were actually out-right riots, were working diligently to help the displaced people of Sokovia. Their wealth of knowledge of the town, its people, and its history was integral to getting people to safety while also salvaging whatever was left of its culture. For all that they had been through and their adamant devotion to fighting the injustices of this new-to-them-world, Sid admired them greatly.

Vision was a confusing person to face since he had the voice and memories of Jarvis but was entirely his own being. Sid was doing her best to try and adapt to that, but it was also difficult speaking to someone who you both did and didn't have a past with. He was an interesting companion though and he enjoyed listening to Sid and Wanda discuss their opinion on basically any topic. He was always thrilled to be a part of a conversation and learn something new.

Tony was pretty aimless most of the time, avoiding basically any gathering of more than two people at a time. He was especially skillful at avoiding Bucky, but there wasn't much of a challenge since Bucky was avoiding him right back. Sid rarely saw him out of his lab and when she did, he seemed preoccupied and distant. She was doing her best to play to his moods but ended up just treating him with kid gloves most of the time. Unfortunately, he hated that.

Pepper was the perfect buffer in every instance. She had a little distance from the drama of the Tower's inhabitants but she rarely held a grudge and couldn't be bothered to be angry at someone who was willing working towards fixing a problem they caused. She also knew Tony to be mercurial and occasionally difficult, so she kept things moving and kept everyone focused on the tasks at hand. Sid felt anchored when she was around Pepper and she was utterly thankful for the small moment of hasty peace.

Of course, Natasha and Clint were Sid's safest bet. They were all thick as thieves when the time allowed. Sid confided in them the most about her time away at Xavier's. She'd been working with them in training too, building up her defensive techniques and occasionally forcing her to practice hitting people back. They'd spend hours in the training rooms, Clint joking around and Natasha mothering them both and trying to get them to focus. It was entirely too fun for such a sombre time, but they soaked it up and appreciated it nonetheless. They'd even had one too many Margarita nights, chuckling about her one night romance with Wolverine, and Clint, a little too loudly, begged for every possible detail, which Sid was not loathe to recount.

Bucky had forgiven Sid without a second thought. Their relationship was new, now that he wasn't stuck in the fog of the Winter Soldier. They were adjusting to that, finding that they enjoyed each other's presence more without the barrier of Bucky's enigmatic history keeping him prisoner. Sid was silently thrilled that Bucky seemed to enjoy being more physically affectionate now. It was even more obvious on some days, taking an extra moment to brush by her and let his fingers trail along her side as he moved, graceful and simple in a single movement. He found little, innocent ways to fulfill his touch starved needs. She was even more excited to see how casually he touched Steve. They were always finding ways to be close and it was endearing. There was a lifelong intimacy they had, growing together as children and finding solace in each other in ways they didn't have with anyone else. It was innocent and habitual. Sid found so much comfort in the way they interacted. She was finally letting herself feel the happiness she had for their reunion and it felt good to let go of her own insecurities. It was a beautiful thing that they both sorely needed. They laughed more, worked harder, and seemed to smile so much more often, despite the nebulous future they faced.

Sid's main problem, aside from the exhaustion of following Pepper around, was Steve. Steve was difficult. She couldn't shake the feeling that he was seriously upset with her, but she knew he wasn't ready to discuss it yet. In order to break through anything with Steve, she had to have perfect timing. Otherwise it might get lost in the wayside or, with her luck, probably just make things worse. It wasn't that he was mean to her or said hurtful things. The problem with Steve was that he was achingly civil. He smiled at her everyday, he even hugged her pretty often, but it was just so…distant. Sid quickly came to realize that the problem with Steve "Stubborn" Rogers was that when he was mad, he rarely showed it.

She almost thought about punching him, engaging in some sort testosterone fueled wrestling match in order to get him to just do _something_ , but she was pretty sure he'd obliterate her, probably on accident, and she couldn't bear to think about one more thing thrust upon that man's shoulders. He seemed to be outworking everyone except Pepper. He flew pretty frequently to each of the sites, usually dragging Bucky, who was hell bent on being as active as possible. Steve worked himself for days on end, until both of them finally stumbled back to the tower and needed a few days to recoup, usually just jump starting the cycle all over again. It was a whirlwind to say the least.

Sid stepped out of the shower that night, dabbing herself off and slipping on a few items of scattered clothing she'd probably had on the night before. One thing she was a bit thankful for after Burnt Hair-gate was the barber that Sam hooked her up with. He managed to do a great looking fade, while salvaging a hefty amount of wavy hair on top, making her look pretty damn hip if she said so herself. It was also a mountainous blessing compared to her very long, very thick, hassle of a head of hair she'd had for the past few years. All in all, she loved this look far more than her flowing locks, it gave her just the edge of androgyny that provided the most comfort when looking in the mirror — it made her feel at home in her own skin. Also, it dried so goddamn fast and she never had to worry about brushing it or braiding it.

She had a towel draped over her head like a cowl as she made her way into the kitchen of Steve's place where she had stopped in to shower. The guys had just gotten back from the region formerly known as Sokovia and it must had been a tense time because Bucky still seemed to be sleeping and the last time she saw Steve he looked like he had a flagpole up his butt and was twice as grumpy. Bucky and Steve both seemed to be on edge about something and it definitely affected the way they interacted with Sid. She felt herself shrinking in the last few days, trying to regain a little bit of order with two super soldiers with super suppressed emotions.

She came out to the dining area and realized the place was an absolute mess. Their tortuous schedule resulted in unfinished dishes and assorted papers and files with half eaten food sitting next to it. Sid wasn't sure the last time she was actually in the apartment before her stolen shower, because she usually tried to avoid the exhausted yet snippy return of two moody and projecting Super Soldiers. Her presence usually resulted in the participation or witness of petty, tired arguments fueled by lingering tension between the three of them that Sid was vehemently trying not to be dragged into.

Of course it wasn't just that. Steve and Bucky were snippy with each other, their time together away from Sid was spent discussing Steve's reluctance and Bucky's ease with her return. When it came to her and Bucky, they could go at it for a couple hours and end up friends a moment later, but the few times she'd gotten into it with Steve about one thing or another, the discussion was heated and bitter. They'd clash and repel one another, one containing too much unexpressed emotion and the other desperately trying to solve a problem she wasn't given instructions to. After their tenuous and unresolved fights, Steve was always so stone faced and "logical" in the following days that Sid wanted to put glitter in his body wash just to shove some vibrancy down his throat and choke the truth out of him.

Sid padded her way into to the kitchen with a resigned sigh and started rearranging stuff, trying to clear things up in the least intrusive way. She hadn't noticed Steve sitting on the couch, flipping through a Stark tablet and probably planning his next mission.

"You don't have to do that." He said distractedly over his shoulder.

Sid jumped slightly and ripped the towel off her head. Then she rolled her eyes at his dramatics, like he couldn't just make his presence known like a normal person. With his back turned, she threw a few lewd but silent theatrics out of her own disinterest for his attitude, because she was totally a mature adult. She might be able to handle Steve's blatant indifference for their current situation, but sometimes she got real tired of people on the topside and their disorder, like some magical fairy just came a whisked away whatever mess they made. It was probably unfair of her to judge during such a hectic time, but people in this very tower probably thought The Alley was a hovel, but it was an organized hovel and she still missed it somedays.

She knew she was being tempestuous, but Steve's continued civility made her bristle, so she tried to keep her voice even, "Someone's gotta."

She regretted it once it came out entirely more sassy than she intended. She heard Steve shift and sigh, "You have something you want to talk about?" It was said with the intonation that he was sure she was just going to yap his ear off, being the poor, innocent super soldier he was.

Sid dragged a heavy tongue over her teeth as she turned, her entire body shifting into fight mode. He'd made her feel like a lunatic trying to compete with his abject denial of confrontation. Because if anything in this nightmarish situation could be worse, Steve Rogers seemed to be hell bent on pretending like he was nothing but smiles and sunshine, especially around her. Maybe to Steve Sid appeared oblivious in the face of such a canned, empty routine but in reality it grated on her nerves like stepping on a wet spot in comfy socks. As far as Sid was concerned, his brightness could be shoved so far up his ass with enough force the world would start to revolve around him. She was sick of it and she'd be damned if she let him give her this "you're the only one bothered" attitude about how she was feeling in this very fractured and confusing healing process.

"Like you get to accuse me of that?" She made sure her voice was calm, disinterested, but there was a fire in her chest, something like fear and excitement. Maybe he finally wanted to have it out and in this moment, she wanted to give it to him.

Steve scoffed and then stood, a bit dramatically in Sid's opinion, before making his way into the kitchen and leaning against the counter, "We should do this, right now?"

"I've been patient." Sid admitted, anger peaking through, "I can keep being patient, but that doesn't mean you get to snap at me cause I give you lip _one time_. You ain't my team leader." Sid crossed her arms at that, trying to keep calm but failing miserably. She was itching to see some real emotion in his eyes, even if it was rage — maybe _especially_ rage.

"Then what team are you on?" His voice seemed to be stronger at the start than the finish. Sid was taken aback, utterly hurt by the audacity to assume that just because she fucked up she didn't care. Steve seemed to sense his error, his jaw clenching in frustration, but his eyes flickering between regret and resolution.

Sid let herself scoff in response and turned back to the sink to start manhandling some dishes. "You're obviously upset about something. How about you tell me what it is instead of insinuating I'm some monster with a broken moral compass. Just a reminder, I'm not Hydra, in case you were getting paranoid in your old age. Since the rare occasions when you clash with someone they tend to end up your mortal enemy." She slammed a pot pretty hard against the sink and tried not to flinch at the sound.

Steve huffed out an indignant laugh at that, "What does that even mean?"

Sid glared at the pot and scrubbed harder, like she fucking knew, she was just pissed and she didn't even really know why, "Figure it out yourself. Unless you're ready to hash this out, go back to smiling right through me. You get to feel how you feel, but that doesn't mean I have to take you finding any excuse to be sweet yet curt with me like a champ. I'm sucking it up, I'm a big kid, but it's exhausting walking on the razor blade of your civility."

Steve seemed to be riled now, his voice was infuriatingly calm, "So you just get to back down whenever you feel like it?"

Sid whipped around at that, her voice raising against the better judgment that evaporated when he spoke, " _Excuse_ me!?" She opened her mouth to speak again, but Steve seemed to be willing to push it further.

"You never put down roots, right? You just waltz through life, unaffected and blasé." He stayed perfectly still while he dug into her and Sid took it, as much as she hated it, she wanted this, "You do whatever you want and you don't think about others. Sure, you're fine with hopping from place to place, opening yourself up and caring about people, but the regard ends there." His eyes were severe now, Sid's breathing was uneven as she unknowingly curled in on herself as Steve continued with words that were harsh, but ones she needed to hear, "You don't seem to give a damn about the people you walk away from. You just move on to the next person in need and dig yourself in to make a difference, to use your _curse_ as an excuse to literally indenture yourself to some cause. You cherish what they gave you, but you're too scared to look them in the eye as you leave and see just what you're leaving behind." His tone didn't waver and his voice didn't raise a single decibel as he spoke.

The words themselves were like a vicious torture to Sid, the tone was just salt in the wound. She knew he was right, but there was a fire in her too. She was feeling scattered and broken. She hated the way Steve looked at her, it was distant and cold and she wanted scream and rage and get him to just show her one iota of what he wanted from her. She wanted to know if anything that she felt was real. She didn't know if she was just a placeholder until Bucky got his memories back. She didn't know if Steve wanted her, cared for her, or if she was just a splint on a no-longer-broken bone. She wanted to know if she was sick enough, selfish enough, to have projected all of the feelings she had for Steve and Bucky. Ghost writing their narrative and convincing them she was worth anything at all in the hopes they'd keep her around and she'd live vicariously through a love she'd never be able to understand. She was so desperately confused, selfless and selfish all at the same time and she hated every moment of it. She needed something to give.

"You don't get to lecture me about feelings." Sid replied with a soft anger, "You don't get to stand here and read me the riot act about conscionable emotional communication, okay? You can say I'm a coward all day long Steve, but you're no better." She finally looked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks in anger, frustration, and embarrassment.

Her voice wasn't as steady as his, she couldn't separate all of the confusing things she felt for him and for Bucky, "You have the eyes of a martyr. When I look at you, all I see is sadness. I see something missing." She swallowed heavily, "You know how to pull an act Rogers, and trust me, I know when I see the real thing, because I can see you when you don't think Bucky can."

Steve finally shifted after her comment and Sid took it as a small win.

"What are you doing to yourself?" Sid begged him for an answer she was sure he couldn't answer. "You are the most complex, stubborn person I feel like I've ever met and it's maddening! You could have everything you wanted if you just took one step forward!"

"Like you did with Logan?" Steve snapped that out real fast and it almost felt like a physical blow to Sid's ego. At her pained silence he added with a little too much venom, "Things tend to get around."

Sid fumed at that and her comment came out as a scream, "Excuse the fuck outta me for taking solace in the intimacy of someone I care about! _Like a fucking adult_!" She charged him this time, getting up close and breaching that steely exterior just a fraction when his brows furrowed, "Don't give me that pure-as-the-virgin-snow-bull-shit-attitude! At least I had the balls to do something about my misery and loneliness!" She spat, "At the very least I knew that Logan wasn't using me because he couldn't get what he really wanted. Don't judge me for getting my dick wet just cause you're too much of a coward to get yours, _Cap_." She practically snarled.

Steve gave her a searing look as he opened his mouth to reply —,

"—HEY!" Bucky bellowed and the moment instantly broke. The spectacular concoction brewing between Steve and Sid dissipated and they looked at each other for a moment, torn between hurt, embarrassment, and indignation.

Bucky strode up to them and put a finger to Steve's chest, "You, go punch something." He grabbed Sid, "You," and tucked her under his arm like the huffy child she was acting like, "Come with me."

Bucky tugged her towards her coat as Steve huffed his way to his room to change for the gym, the two of them like the dog that bit the bee's nest: scared, hurting, and probably pretty pissed too.


	54. Such Great Sights

Sid was on a mission.

Well, if her mission was to stomp her feet as hard as she could without technically threatening the safety of her and her companion while they trounced through the familiar, but stranded tunnels of The Alley, as had become a custom with Sid or Bucky's random tantrums.

"Sid," Bucky started, timidly, "I know you're upset and all," he continued, his voice charmingly cautious, "But what's with the rocks? You look like a goddamn nucleus."

Sid stopped her assault on the ground beneath her feet and paused, turning slowly in the sphere of small chunks of rocks orbiting her. She sighed softly, snorted out a huff of air and let them drop with muffled plunks, "It was something Logan made me do. He told me it was to help me focus, but I'm pretty sure he just kept making me pick up rocks because I annoyed him."

Bucky chuckled softly at that and then took a moment, his mouth going slack jawed in thought and then he gave a short bark of laughter. "Logan Howlett, right?" He beamed at Sid for a moment, pure childlike disbelief in his eyes, "I remember him. From the war." His gaze trailed away and he seemed elated to be lost in his thoughts. The ire of her fit fizzled a little bit as Sid smiled at this small victory, she was also happy to notice that away from anxious eyes, Bucky let himself feel quite genuinely when given the space. He grinned slightly and seemed pleased with himself when he shrugged, "Good lookin' fella."

Sid didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the far too knowledgeable suggestiveness of the comment. She was left gaping, desperately wishing she would have kept her mouth shut after that eighth margarita or at the very least, Clint had any sort of sense of propriety at all, "Please, don't tell me you're going to give me a Steve-Rogers guilt trip about sex. He should advise the Pope."

Bucky's laughter actually echoed through the tunnel and it broke Sid out of her self flagellation. Once he calmed down, he sighed, gave her a stern look, "Darlin' the Howling Commandos may have conquered most of Europe, but I conquered twice as much." His smile spread wide, in his smooth way and Sid couldn't stop her giggles, "And don't let Steve fool you with his True Loves Kiss routine, the only reason I outnumbered him was because I had twice the targets and more skill, obviously." Bucky clicked his teeth into a cheshire grin.

Sid guffawed at they continued to walk. She took a few steps and just giggled, "Well you know they call it bisexual now."

"From what Steve tells me there's more than just boys and girls too. Well… Like you. One or both or nothing at all, whatever else is out there, I hope to understand better, and hell, I never backed down from a challenge." He smiled wide and nudged Sid lightly and she let herself laugh.

"And you can't fool me, Steve wouldn't be some heartless Lothario." Sid added with mock accusation.

Bucky rolled his eyes with a soft groan, "No, he wasn't," he admitted, but became stern, "But he ain't no angel either. The way him and Carter snuck around like teenagers when they actually got to see each other…" He exhaled heavily with insinuating eyes and then chuckled softly at the bitter sweet memories.

Sid grinned widely, "She sounds amazing."

Bucky smiled wide again thinking about Peggy Carter, "From what I remember, she was. Or, is." He paused for a moment and then nodded softly to himself, trusting his recollection, "We're trying to figure out a way to talk to her without causing too much stress at one time." His tone became solemn, "I still haven't seen her."

Sid wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, "You will. It'll happen."

Bucky smiled sadly as they continued on, their chatter becoming amicable while they went on about one thing or another. Sid further explained the extent of her powers that she so far understood. She talked about managing her reactions with practice and therapy, she mentioned maybe even entertaining some of the medical treatments Xavier and his contemporaries were studying for struggling humans with genetic variations. She was just getting into some of the complexities, Bucky leaning in to listen to her as a sphere of fire floated above their heads like a spotlight. When they wound around a corner, Sid collided with what felt like a steam train made of warm marble. The collision threw her backwards in a short burst of force that squashed her against another warm wall of marble that lost its balance and toppled the sandwich she was inside of. When they landed on the ground with a woosh of curses, the light went out and they all groaned.

"I think I'm dying." Sid whispered hoarsely.

"My spine." Bucky groaned.

"Someone got my nuts." Steve sounded like a broken man, not long for the world.

They rolled around with assorted grumblings until Sid finally managed to focus enough to turn on a light as they got to their feet, with Sid grumbling something about the standards of orgies really improving in the tunnels for once.

"Why aren't you punching things?" Bucky asked Steve after shooting her a look that begged questions that needed to be saved for another time, dusting off his shirt and his jeans.

Steve was dressed like he came after them mid punch, wearing snug running pants, a shirt that looked painted on, and even wrapped hands, but overall he looked just looked slightly distressed and embarrassed, "It seemed like a good idea to chase after you when I finally pulled my head from my ass — which was obviously later rather than sooner." He admitted it bashfully and looked at Sid and sobered, giving her a small, timid smile, "I'm hurt, Sid. And I'm sure not perfect, but I care about you, I really do, and I'm sorry."

Sid smiled at him with tears in her eyes. She then flung her entire body at him for a hug and at least managed not to start singing her praises to whatever deity or energy ruled the universe with its asshole ways. "I'm sorry too, Steve." She managed to choke out as he wrapped his arms around her and _really_ hugged her back, "I was so scared of my feelings for you two —,"

"—What?" Bucky and Steve both replied, their attention diverted to that single, horrifyingly revelatory phrase.

Sid pulled back and looked strangled. She stepped back from Steve, her eyes shooting between the two of them so rapidly she started seeing bright spots.

No.

Those were laser sights.


	55. Everything That Glitters is The Worst

Bucky and Steve both bristled as they noticed the pinpricks of red smattering across her as she turned towards their origin. Sid put her arms out to stop them, ineffectively holding them back as they stared down the barrels of something like fifteen assault rifles, all arranged with such precision that every single one had an open line of fire aimed directly for their chests.

Whoever they were flashed on a bright spot light, effectively blinding Sid, Steve and Bucky. They all hissed in anger and Sid sent a woosh of air in the direction of the light source, the sound it made as it tumbled away and haphazardly illuminated the tunnel made the assorted gunmen tighten their grips.

Fifteen men in black were standing side by side and some down on their knees in front, firearms stabilized against their shoulders and pointed with eerie precision on the verifiably unarmed trio.

Sid put up her hands in desperation "Wait-wait-wait!" She shouted as they seemed to shift in preparation for an assault. "Now that we can all see each other, why don't we do this civilly?"

"We don't have time for that." One of them stepped forwards, back lit by the stray light, Sid could only really see that he had tactical gear on, some sort of helmet, and something very dangerous looking framing each of his arms. "We're here to take you in." His voice was cold, gravelly and curt. The shadow he cast as he shifted, loosening up as he prepared for a fight he didn't plan on losing, was huge as it shifted towards Sid's feet. He seemed really intense.

Sid blanched, opening her mouth to express just how hard they were going to fail their mission when Steve spoke, "Over my dead body." His tone actually sent a chill down her spine. She'd seen calm and collected Steve, but a Steve full of rage was an entirely different beast.

"Well, that's the idea Cap." The man in the mask replied rather blithely. So much so that both Bucky and Steve glared at him in confusion.

"You're gonna have a hell of a time trying to get me back to Hydra. I guarantee it." Bucky snarled his response.

The man in the gear seemed unaffected by their ferocity, while Sid was shaking in her boots just standing next to them, he only chuckled softly. It was a weird sight to behold in all of that imposing gear, "Good thing we ain't here for you." She couldn't see his face, but she could hear the smile. He went silent and then spoke suddenly and rapidly, "Kill Cap and The Asset. Take the other one. Fire."

"NO!" Sid stumbled forward, screaming in sheer terror as the word left the commander's mask. The sound of automatic fire blared, but was immediately silenced by the shockwave that flew at them as a glowing burst vaporized their bullets. The men were sent flying by the collision of the bullets and the shockwave, guns and bodies flung into a frightening chaos inside such a small space. Bucky and Steve barely stumbled back in shock, the blow so perfectly directed and controlled they were both genuinely surprised in its speed and efficacy.

Sid was hunched over slightly, breathing heavily as Steve and Bucky rushed forward to grab the stray guns and knock a few heads around before the others started regaining their feet and firing off shots while Sid stayed behind them. They shuffled backwards, separated in the hazy darkness caused when the light was pushed further away by her attack. Bullets started whizzing and so Steve and Bucky dodged as well as they could, getting into a low and familiar formation, laying down suppressive fire as they retreated as quickly as possible to a nearby corner they could defend, while this new set of homogenous dark commandos dragged back those who could shoot and got to their own defensible position.

The second Steve and Bucky got to safety they both instinctually took stock of their weaponry until they both heard the loud hail of gunshots and they crouched further into their fox hole. Their gut reaction halted when they realized the bullets weren't aimed at them. They both looked at the other in horror, realizing that Sid was still out in the tunnel.

Bucky peaked out around the corner and saw Sid's back and the threads of light that coursed up her neck. Her dark skin was riddled with veins tracking a pulsing incandescence as she threw her arms down to her sides, her hands flexing around what looked like pulsing stars in her grip. The smattering of agents holding their position were firing haphazardly as she strode forward, hardly deterred by the bullets that managed to actually strike her, others she managed wave away with a flash of light.

"Shit!" Bucky hissed over the glamour of bullets against light. He grabbed at Steve, giving him a stern look as they arranged themselves for an attack. He peaked around the corner one more time, the tunnel alight with her fury, "That's not Sid." His voice was cold, maybe even afraid. He grit his teeth and looked back at Steve, resolute with a plan, "Lay suppressive fire as I approach. You continue past me and keep the other agents at bay while I try to break her out of it." Bucky turned to ready himself, adjusting his gun and ensuring it was ready to fire, "Hopefully she'll take kindly to our effort and not hurt us too badly."

"I dunno, she was pretty heated at me earlier." Steve added with the sort of tone that did not fit the moment as he rammed a full magazine into his rifle, "Maybe you should take this one alone." Steve smiled at Bucky as he took a step forward, but then stopped short, as Bucky moved in, grabbed the thin exercise shirt at the collar and tugged Steve's lips to his. He wasn't sure if it was Sid that caused bright lights to flash in his vision or the simple, firm press of Bucky's warm mouth against his.

Bucky pulled back sharply, his hand still fisted in Steve's shirt as they practically breathed into one another, "Till the end of the line."

Steve was utterly stunned. His jaw was slack and his eyes glazed over as he said with little inflection, "I thought I was supposed to be giving orders?"

Bucky grinned wide at his response and winked, "We'll figure it out. Let's go." He patted Steve on the cheek sharply before turning towards the tunnel.

Steve allowed himself a smile before his focus returned and they stepped out into the tunnel and began to fire. Most bullets were still aimed at Sid, but the ones that went vaguely in their direction were redirected towards the edges of the tunnel around them. They approached slowly, with specific and something more than military precision, picking off individual agents with harrowing accuracy. Watching them work together was something like a ballet, perfectly timed, tuned to perfection, predictable and innovative all at the same time. It was a graceful sort of slaughter.

As they neared Sid, she shifted slightly and they caught a view of her face, filled with bioluminescent cracks across her skin, and her eyes bright with the fury of a thousand suns. She seemed to have noticed the few men that they picked off and was displeased about it. So she planted her heel and slid it backwards, effectively ripping the ground out from under them as they tumbled down to the ground and bullets whizzed over their heads.

The Hydra agents began to fire again and her attention returned to them. A swell of light like the breath of a super nova curled around her, filling up the tunnel around her completely and surging towards the Hydra agents at the front line. Once one or two of them got taken up into the swell of light, their screams were instantly silenced, their bodies writhing around uncontrollably in dust and virulent wind as their mouths flapped open and closed helplessly, fingertips gripping for the air they couldn't breath.

That was in the short amount of time it took Bucky and Steve to get back on their feet. They laid down more suppressive fire and that coupled with the terror in the eyes of those who the light captured was enough to convince the rest to retreat. The masked commander and his men gave one last look at the being ensconced by light, the shape of a skull reflecting off his mask before they began to run and the tunnels started caving in at their heels.

"Grab the goons, I got her!" Steve shouted over the din of the creature's machinations. Bucky nodded once and Steve ran straight for her and hoped his tactic would work a second time.

It felt like tackling a tornado, but once he grabbed her and they wrestled to the ground, the orb of silent death dissipated and Bucky made a run for the remaining soldiers — all on the verge of blacking out, but otherwise okay at least, until Bucky got to them.

Steve tangled with Sid's limp body for a moment, rolling her over onto her back, and seeing an assortment of bullet wounds across her limbs and one on the lower edge of her abdomen that was bleeding profusely. "Fuck, Sid!" His voice was tremulous and when her eyes finally opened they were wide with fear but the deep muddy green that Steve didn't realize he was longing to see was more than reassuring. He went to lift her into his arms, bursting at the seams with relief to see her awake until she coughed violently, gurgling and gasping through a mouthful of blood. Steve watched as the person he loved struggled to breathe and his heart seemed to shatter. He shouted for Bucky, who kicked one last guard in the face and sprinted his way over to her side at the terror in Steve's voice.

"Oh Sid, oh shit!" Bucky hissed as he cradled her face in grimy hands.

Sid coughed, shaking her head insisting they think nothing of it, "It — it's okay. I'm good. I just need to lie down."

"Sid, you are lying down." Steve stated unhelpfully as he took stock of her injuries.

"Oh." Sid smiled, seeming surprised, "Oh, good, good." She nodded softly and then coughed up some more blood.

"We need to get her back to the tower." Steve insisted, "That wound is off to the side, maybe no organs were hit, but that's a lot of blood."

"Yeah, good plan." Sid added as if it meant something to the conversation.

"Take her." Bucky nodded softly, "Get back up to the tower," he gave Sid one last glance and then his voice went cold, "I'm gonna get started on them."

"Bucky —," Sid began as she strained to reach up and grab him, but her involuntary action was halted by a hiss when her entire body vetoed the activity. "Fuck!" She gasped and Steve moved to catch her before she hit the floor again.

Bucky's hands moved gently to cradle her face, his fingers soft and reassuring, "I promise not to kill the dickheads we just saved from a death they probably deserved as long as you don't go leaving me again." Bucky insisted with a playful lilt to his voice and sweet smile.

Sid nodded softly, leaning into his metal hand slightly until Bucky urged her back into Steve's arms and told them to go. Sid trusted Bucky to keep his promise as badly as she wanted to keep hers, so Steve slipped his other arm underneath her legs and carried her out of the Alley at a sprint.

"We really oughta cave this place in. Too many assholes moved in. Ruined the place." Sid's voice was wavering, her eyes rolling around in their sockets as the tunnels whipped by.

"It can be our next project." Steve chuckled as he glanced down at her and she was staring up at him, her eyes half closed, a sweet smile on bloodied lips. Her head drooped to the side and Steve pushed himself to run faster, "Come on." He growled when her smile finally faded and her eyes blinked closed, "Stay awake for me Sid!" He shouted down at her and her eyes blinked open and she looked disgruntled.

"Hydra is like the glitter of the bad guy world." She grumbled bitterly before promptly passing out.


	56. The Truth isn't Always Easy or Subtle

Sid woke slowly to dim lights and a general overall feeling of hating everything in her body that moved. She groaned slightly as she sat up and felt hands on her immediately.

Sid jumped and yelped slightly before realizing it was just Steve. She sighed heavily, everything stiff and sore and longing to go back to sleep. She shook herself slightly and forced awareness to creep back into her limbs. With a grimace she looked over at Steve who was staring at her looking helpless. "Hey." She groaned softly as she adjusted herself in the hospital bed with his help. "How long this time?"

Steve looked slightly impressed, "Only about two hours actually. Quite an improvement." He gave her a smug smile as he checked her bandages.

She rolled her eyes with a grin, "Told you I was actually learnin' shit." Her concern shifted abruptly when she realized they were alone, "And Bucky?"

"He isn't back yet." Steve replied curtly and in his own nervousness he shifted, grimacing at the movement.

She eyed him carefully for a second and he tried to play it off by shifting his shoulders like he was stiff after a basketball game. Her eyes narrowed, "What happened to you?" Sid interrupted his pitiful attempt to cover it up.

"Just a stray, I'm fine." Steve waved it away.

"A stray what? Kitten?" She admonished him with a disbelieving look, "You even tell anyone?" He shook his head and she tutted at him and started making grabby hands at him, "Get that first aid kit and come'ere."

Steve rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. He handed her the kit and stood next to her as she shifted on the bed, lifting the black sports shirt with a hiss, revealing a rather harsh gash on his side.

"Jesus Steve!" Sid gasped and tugged him closer by his hips to gape at it, "You are ridiculous you know that? My stubborn ass is fine. You're bleeding all over yourself — this shirt doesn't absorb anything! You lucky you're wearing black or you'd look like a walking crime scene!"

Steve shrugged and it made his face pinch in discomfort, "I just had to make sure you were good. Bucky'd shoot me just for leaving your side." He sighed almost dejectedly, "Then I'd have two bullet holes."

Sid side eyed him as she started cleaning out his cut with due diligence. They remained silent for a while, both stuck on something they didn't quite know how to figure out.

"I saw it." Sid finally said as she finished up taping Steve's cut. It was as clean as it was gonna get and he'd heal soon enough. The words were lingering in her throat, the weight of what she had passively done in the tunnels was bearing down heavily on her. She could remember the dancing specters of her attackers, flailing uselessly as she starved them of the air they were desperately trying to breathe. She could barely look at Steve, worried what he would think of her after he realized what sort of monster was lurking in her veins.

Steve immediately went beet red down to his abdomen, his voice shot up an octave in shock as he stared down at her, his shirt still pulled up, "When we kissed!?"

Sid's eyes flew up to his face so fast she almost knocked herself backwards, "I'm sorry what? When did you kiss? _Who_ were you kissing? I don't remember that part!" She was almost screeching as she clamored to her knees on the bed.

Steve almost immediately paled and he thrust his shirt down before going quiet and tried to look at anything but Sid, "I — uhm, we… what occurred was —, it —," He shuffled back a tiny bit to get away from her, but she noticed immediately.

"Oh no you don't!" Sid latched onto his bicep before he could get very far, his wound be damned. While she was busy being inhabited by some sort of chaotic extraterrestrial arbiter of retribution, vaporizing bullets and sucking the life out of people, Steve and _someone_ were playing seven-minutes-in-the-tunnels _._

"I misspoke!" Despite her relentless hold, Steve muttered that desperately while his cheeks deepened in their red hue and he tried to slither away in embarrassment.

Sid combated his attempts to escape and deflect, ending up practically crawling up his body, "That's some bullshit!" Sid replied viciously, "Who was kissing!? Tell me!" She completely forgot about being a passenger in her own mind and zeroed in on this juicy detail that may just make her believe in a higher power.

Sid one arm around his neck and the other curled around his bicep, one leg bracketing in his arm as it curled around that dumb little waist of his while her other leg hung uselessly, trying to avoid jabbing his gaping wound before she decided to torture him for the truth. Mortified two-fold, Steve was trying to tear Sid off of him as gently as his and her wounded bodies would allow.

"You know I'm gettin' a little tired of pulling all the weight in here while Steve reaps all the benefits." Bucky's voice purred from the doorway.

Steve and Sid looked down at themselves, their bodies jumbled together in a hospital room looking like the cover of a romance novel, complete with their clothing somewhat wildly askew, chests heading, and their skin, flushing with exertion.

"Can't say I dislike the view." Bucky finally grinned as he stepped into the room, his metal fingers twirling a baton with some grit and grime stuck to it. The centrifugal force flicked some of it onto the floor and the sound on impact made Sid wince. Sweat or blood? Mud clumps or Brain matter? Sid didn't really feel like playing that game right now. She pulled away from Steve disjointedly and push-tapped him on the shoulders in frustration as she plopped down on the bed again.

"You kissed him?!" Sid shouted at Steve as she extended her arm towards what looked like a blushing Bucky. Half enraged that she wasn't there to witness it, half so full of glee she could spit, she saw Steve grimace shuffle his feet, not knowing what was worse: getting closer to her ire or moving towards the man he was rightfully accused of kissing. Bucky just chuckled softly at the show.

"I didn't kiss him!" Steve insisted with a nervous blush, his hands thrown up in defeat.

"He kissed me back though." Bucky grinned a little too wickedly.

"What!?" Sid shouted in exasperation. They were absolutely not telling this story fast enough. She was elated for them and there was a tiny part inside of her that was so grateful to not feel any resentment whatsoever.

"You mad you missed it or you mad you didn't get one?" Bucky teased as she glared down at her lap and went to make herself comfortable on the hospital bed.

After a few beats of silence, Sid licked her lips and took the plunge, "Both." She glanced warily between Steve and Bucky, both frozen for a moment in their thoughts.

"Your feelings!" Steve blurted the words when he remembered them, sitting down on the edge of the bed again, suddenly deep in thought.

Bucky added, a little stunned, "For both of us."

Sid tried not to puke and nodded slowly, "For both of you, yes." She watched as their faces went thoughtful for a moment and did her best not to vaporize from the terror she felt. She wanted to take it back, coward that she was, but Steve looked up at Bucky and spoke.

"I mean, I think it needs to be an informed decision." He seemed contemplative.

Bucky nodded slowly, shrugging in agreement, "It does have some merit."

Steve looked like he was running numbers in his head and then shrugged, "Probably would be smarter that way."

Bucky seemed to hold some amusement for that statement, his eyes going wide in vehement agreement, "Definitely smarter." He bit his lip slowly in thought.

"I think it's as safe a bet as any, probably safer." Steve seemed amenable as he continued talking like it made any sense. "As long as everyone agrees."

They were silent again, looking at each other and making half sentence statements and communicating in a way that made Sid furious for her serious lack of mind reading powers.

"Hey!" She finally shouted, "What are we agreeing on?"

"Well…" Bucky strode his way over to the side of the bed Steve was sitting on. He pulled up the absent chair and grabbed Sid's hand and traced her knuckles with the soft pads of his fingertips, "You've got feelings for us, right?"

Sid nodded, choking on her emotions.

"And well, you know what Bucky and I have, what we're discovering…" Steve added slowly, thoughtfully.

Sid pulled away from Bucky slowly and let her face fall into her hands, trying to shield them from the feelings rising up inside of her at their understandable rejection. She was stupid to say anything at all. They had just kissed and she rode that on its coattails like it was her job. She felt deplorable, but she needed to be happy for them.

She felt Steve's hand, large and warm, resting on her thigh and then Bucky's on her other, holding her with a little more weight to the grip, wanting to make sure that she knew he was there. She forced herself to be brave, to look them in the eyes and accept their friendship graciously, stamping down the feelings that had taken root and sprouted something new and beautiful inside of her, and instead devoting herself to celebrating the beautiful love that they deserved.

Sid looked up at them and waited patiently to devote herself to something ultimately better than herself.

It had to be fate, this way. She knew it.

Her eyes connected with Steve's, bright blue and so very clear. She wanted to remember those moments where they connected in some primal need. That's all it would be. They had friendship and they had chemistry, sometimes things just got confused. She truly adored him and planned on treasuring him for the rest of her life.

She looked at Bucky this time and her smile grew. She didn't have the chance to experience a fully physical heat with him. He was still so beautiful, but there was something inside of him that sang to her. When they first got to know each other, Sid wanted to help him get back on his feet, but she had no idea she'd get to know this man in more than just snapshots of memories past, but as a raw nerve, feeling and reeling just as much as she did, but in vastly different ways. He felt special in a way to her that she will never be able to forget, bound to him in a love so effortless, it helped her find ways to love herself.

Time finally seemed to catch up and Sid watched as Bucky smiled at her in the sweetest way and spoke.

"We want to discover it with you too." The words came out and after about a minute of stiff silence, Sid burst into tears.

They weren't just any tears, but gut wrenching, soul shaking, guttural sobs. She whined into her hands as the tears came flooding in, trying to catch her breath and figure out something like words to shove out of her mouth.

"Oh jeez, Sid." Bucky was wholly concerned. "Are you okay?"

Steve added, reaching out tentatively to put a hand on her shoulder, "What —, um, how are you feeling?" His voice seemed unsure

Sid pushed his hand aside with untamed ferocity and threw herself at both of them, whatever aching wounds in existence be damned because there was something new and beautiful bursting from her chest. She yanked them into her embrace as she sniffled, "Happy." She finally insisted, her voice haggard but full of warmth.

Steve chucked as she sank into them, fitting them together with just a little extra comfort. Bucky scoffed and tucked his nose into the crook of her neck, gently relishing in the full sensation of her outside the Winter Soldier's fog. It was familiar and soothing and when he reached out to Steve, their arms curling around her together, it felt just like home.


	57. I Told my Heart its just a Silly Thing

The meeting that came after their incident in the tunnels was somewhat of a somber one. Sid tried to focus as much as she could despite Bucky's metal fingers ghosting along her thigh beneath the behemoth conference table during Natasha's debrief. She was explaining the leads they uncovered searching for new players in the villainy game that wore helmets with skulls painted on it and had attitude problems.

Sid was sure there wasn't any information that she needed to divulge that Bucky or Steve couldn't summing up their interaction with the asshole that tried to kidnap her, so she let herself settle into the new secretive intimacy Bucky, the shameless flirt, dared to impart on her. Steve, being the angel that he was, sat with his business-casual posture giving Natasha his full attention and didn't even seem to notice how Sid fidgeted ever so slightly as fingertips grazed the inseam of her now infuriatingly thin leggings. Throughout the remainder of the meeting she managed not to giggle, moan, or punch Bucky in his smugly impassive face, looking like he was only second to Steve in his devotion to Natasha's topic.

Something slightly less difficult to ignore were the dark circles beneath the eyes of Tony Stark emphasized by the exhaustion that seemed to slowly weigh down his entire body with the gravity of Jupiter. The man so usually full of vibrance and enthusiasm barely seemed present during the discussion and it was like a punch to the gut for Sid. In the last week or so of her recovery and her burgeoning relationship with two super soldiers that was increasingly difficult to hide, she'd almost wholly forgotten about Tony and his grief. His obvious anxiety over the history of the Stark name repeating itself was compounded by the loss of one of his closest friends in Bruce's disappearance and being forced to share a table with the man who — however unaware at the time — murdered his parents. Chaos seemed partial to torturing Tony Stark.

At the painful realization of her own selfishness, Sid obstinately crossed her legs, tugging her thigh away from Bucky with such speed and force that she almost toppled out of her chair and into Steve's lap, which did nothing to assist her efforts to remain discreet in her new relationship.

Clint chuckled and Natasha just sighed and thankfully called to close a meeting that had already been nearing its end. The group shifted and dispersed into cliques so Sid shot up from her chair and made a bee line for Tony, who practically refused to look at anyone within the room while making a hasty exit. No one tried to stop him either, which was par for the course in such a grandiose tower only surpassed by its inhabitants' obstinance in discussing their personal issues.

"Tony!" Sid called after him when she finally pushed her way through people discussing mission plans and tactics in little ways that still made her skin crawl. He took his time turning to face her, so she hazarded a peak over her shoulder and made sure neither Steve nor Bucky followed. When she looked back he was only just raising those stranger's eyes, dull and lifeless in a way that made Sid's chest constrict.

"Hey, Tink." Tony's reply was flat, accompanied by a smile that seemed more like a facial tick than anything else.

"Hey." Sid started and realized she had no plan other than to offer to hold him until he felt better. She smiled anyway and tried to feel like she wasn't somehow making it worse, "I know things are tough right now, but if you ever need to talk or if you want to experiment on me or something, I'm still free till the fall."

He really did smile at that for a second before he sighed, resigned to something, "Don't worry about me kid." He immediately grimaced when the word came out of his mouth.

Sid gave him a humored grin, "You calling me kid, whippersnapper?" Her tone sounded only slightly incredulous, not wanting to overreach his lack of vitality.

A soft chuckle came out of his mouth and he almost followed it with words until a voice popped up behind Sid.

"Sid! You wanna get food? We're starving!" Clint shouted over the din of the other gathered heroes.

She flinched and looked over her shoulder to see Clint's head popping out of the doorway, "Sure! Just give me a minute!" Her voice was laced with some ire and Clint gave a snappy but mumbled response about not having a hero-like attitude. She turned back to Tony, but he was already halfway down the hallway in the other direction. She frowned heavily, staring at his retreating back with something like sorrow and bitterness welling up in her chest. She cursed softly and turned on her heel, putting a bright smile on her lips as she went to join Natasha, Clint, and her super-not-so-secret boyfriends to get ready to go eat.

It wasn't really until lunch had finally gotten packed away and the group pretended to disperse when she finally let Tony's sad eyes slip from her mind. Most of it probably dissipated due to the metal hand squeezing her ass firmly, forcing her even closer to the muscled body of its owner while his lips did something sinful to hers. Steve was to her side, a very heroic tent being pitched while he nibbled along Bucky's jaw, murmuring something along the shell of his ear that made Bucky smirk into their kiss.

Sid tried to sound exasperated, but her entire body was tingling as Steve's hand trailed along her lower back, "We have like an entire floor we could be doing this in, but we're hiding in a dark corner like a bunch of catholic school kids getting handsy in the rectory."

Steve groaned slightly at her words, his finger tips dragging across her spine, and Sid couldn't help but roll her eyes despite the heat that pooled in her stomach. She'd discovered another side to Captain America, the side that was so quintessentially that rough and tumble hellion from Brooklyn. It was a feisty little thing, eager to please and insatiable, with an imagination and therefore equally daunting fantasies that would make anyone get a little hot under the collar, despite his reputation as straight laced and boring. He was just about everything but that when it came to Bucky and Sid.

"Oh, Catholic fantasies." Sid drawled sardonically, "Who's surprised?" She feigned her shock poorly. She deadpanned, "Not me."

"Shut up." Steve grumbled into her lips until she realized her desire to torture him minutely outweighed her urgency to kiss him. She could kiss him all the time now and that gave her a twisted little sense of glee.

"So what, we gonna dress you up like a priest?" Sid replied, her voice teasing and husky with need, pushing her hand beneath his t-shirt and chuckling softly at the way his muscles flexed beneath her fingertips as his hips involuntarily canted towards her touch, "Bucky can be the bad kid from the wrong side of the tracks that just needs a little firm guidance." Bucky bit his lip to keep his laughter in and Sid chuckled darkly, loving Steve's blush and dying to trace the indent left on Bucky's lip by his teeth with her tongue.

Steve let out a throaty chuckle, almost like a purr, and that certainly distracted her, "What are you, the naughty nun?"

Sid gasped in a feigned hurt, "How dare you! I'm the bored housewife that needs to confess my sins." Her fingers trailed down to the waistband of his pants and her fingers slowly swiped between the band of his boxer briefs and the heat of his skin.

Bucky gripped her ass again, tugging her pelvis into his and pressing his very prominent erection against her, "Like fucking the bad kid from the wrong side of the tracks in the confessional with the priest on the other side of the screen?" He murmured it thickly into her jaw, just below her ear.

Steve groaned again, this time sounding just slightly put out, "You guys are killing me."

"What can I say? I'm incorrigible." Bucky mumbled as he littered a few soft kisses across her jawline and then found Steve's lips for a firm kiss.

There was a pair of moans that rumbled Sid between them and she felt her knees go a little wobbly with want at the sensation. She let a hand trail up Bucky's chest to his neck, her fingers splaying in the soft hair at the back of his head and fisting her fingers in it gently, "We have an entire apartment. Multiple surfaces. I plan to have an orgasm on at least every one of them before we have to think about moving, so we better get started before I get grumpy." Her other hand finally hooked its fingers beneath the band of Steve's pants and tugged him closer.

"She's got a point." Steve grumbled against Bucky's lips.

"Well, she is the smart one." Bucky laughed softly as he looked down on her with a sinister grin.

"I feel like I should get an award or something." She intoned with casual innocence, "Oh, I know!" Her sweetness now held a hint of mocking, "Multiple orgasms! In our apartment!" Her voice turned exasperated, "That's private and spacious! Come on! I feel like I'm being smothered."

"It's a hell of a way to go though." Steve smiled sweetly before sweeping her into his arms and crushing his mouth against hers.

Sid's giggles turned into a moan, her leg hitching itself over Steve's hips to roll her already aching center against his. This wasn't the first time that'd she'd been held against him, albeit there were far more clothes between them than the last time.

A low growl rumbled up her spine as she felt Bucky roll himself against her hips, his groin grinding against her ass while his arms curled around Steve, gripping his ass firmly and pulling them all closer together. His mouth was at her ear after working its way up her shoulder in languid kisses, teeth biting against her skin just enough to make her keen against Steve further, "I'm never gonna get tired of watching you two together."

"Jesus Christ…" Steve groaned into Sid's mouth, "Apartment. Now." His voice was tinged with such urgency that they reluctantly pulled apart, eyeing each other with something like fascination and wonder.

"Yes Father Steve." Sid smiled coyly, "You already have my penance in mind?"

Steve's grin widened into something predatory and wholly entrancing, "It's gonna involve a lot of kneeling." His blue eyes darkened with something fastidious and mischievous brewing behind them. The grin slid into a delicious smile, "Worshipping, if you will."

Before Sid and Bucky could erupt with laughter at Steve's lechery, a snigger came from above. Though Jarvis had long been absent from the tower, he never was one to snigger, and Friday seemed even less enthusiastic to engage in their saucy diatribes. They all turned towards a vent in the wall and sighed heavily in frustration.

"God damnit!" Sid growled and stomped her foot. "Clint, you shithead!"

There was raucous laughter echoing against the metal of the duct for a second before a knife flew into the wall, embedding six of its eight inches into the paneling where the guffaw spawned from. A high pitched yelp followed, coupled with unintelligible thumps and curses.

Sid smacked Bucky on the arm, "You could have hurt him!"

Bucky grumbled, "He's fine!"

Sid insisted petulantly, jabbing a finger into his chest, "He could have died and then he would have started to smell worse!"

There was a muffled, but hurt sounding, "Hey!"

"See?" Bucky responded peevishly, "I knew where he was. I wasn't gonna hit him." He shrugged towards Clint's voice, rolling his eyes as his shoulders sank, he drawled, "Probably…"

Steve hid his snickers behind his hand and Sid out right laughed as Clint dropped from the vent and pointed a stern finger at Bucky, "Dick move, Barnes!" He brushed himself off, as if there would be even a spot of grime in his beloved and frequently used air shafts. He tugged on his shirt with a sour look on his face, nose scrunched up with offense as he playfully glared at the three of them, "I'm gonna tell everyone you're finally fucking!" He made sure to look at all of their shocked faces and then grinned before fleeing from the room with triumphant giggles.

Sid sighed, "So much for being inconspicuous."

Bucky just snorted, "Like that was really possible?"

Steve turned to them, looking serious before he met their gazes with a hefty sigh.

"What?" Sid asked, concerned with the brooding look that was building in Steve's gaze.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking apologetic as he shrugged, "I just wouldn't want to make Clint a liar."

Sid tried to roll her eyes, but Bucky grabbed her with a deep chuckle and threw her over his shoulder, high-fiving Steve on his way to the elevator.

"You guys are the worst." Sid grumbled to Bucky's backside as she hung helplessly upside down.

Bucky patted her ass softly, "Don't worry, we promise not to ruin your reputation too badly."

Sid rolled her eyes as the elevator doors closed somewhere in front of her, "Please, I put you altar boys to shame."

"I'd like to see you try." Steve chuckled as Bucky finally lowered her to her feet and she crossed her arms indignantly and turned her nose up at them.

Once they reached their floor, Sid pushed them out of her way and started tugging off her jacket, tossing it towards Bucky and hitting him square in the face. Steve was too busy laughing to be prepared for the tank top that landed over his own head and blocked his vision. He heard the woosh of what was originally his front door and when he tugged the shirt out of his view he saw Sid leaning against their door frame with a grin on her lips and an arm over her bare chest, covering exactly what they both wanted to see.

"Catch me if you can." Her smile was razor sharp and daring before she whirled around without allowing them a peak and ran into their apartment to the sounds of their chuckles.

Bucky passed Steve Sid's jacket before taking a few steps out of the elevator and reaching behind his neck to tug his own t-shirt over his head. He tossed it over his shoulder at Steve with a lascivious grin, "Last one there's a rotten egg, punk."

Steve's smile went so wide it made his cheeks hurt and as he watched Bucky stalk away, he felt something impossibly complex and beautiful well within his chest. It wasn't until he heard the telltale jingling of Bucky's belt being undone and Sid's giggles tinkling along the air that he snapped to attention and raced after them with a pile of clothes in his arms. He dropped them unceremoniously as the door shut behind him and saw Bucky lowering himself over Sid who was lounging on their couch, already divested of the rest of her clothes, one dark long leg draping over the back of the couch with a throaty chuckly. Steve just about ripped off his clothes as he walked over the couch and sat himself on the other end, watching Bucky's hips, with jeans barely hanging onto the swell of his ass, rolling into hers.

He leaned forward and grabbed Bucky's hips, pulling him almost roughly to settle the man between his thighs. Steve's chest pressed against Bucky's back and one arm wrapped around his waist as Steve fisted his fingers into the silky black hair, tilting Bucky's head to the side so he could lick and kiss the warm skin on Bucky's shoulder and neck.

Sid grinned happily at the sight, Bucky arching his back to press his neck further into Steve's mouth and his face twisting into some sort of anguished pleasure. She crawled to kneel between Bucky's legs, her hands planting themselves on Steve's bare thighs, letting her nails dig into the strong muscles and eliciting a pleasant moan that urged Bucky's voice to join in.

Her lips found Bucky's collar bone and nipped along the edge of it, her mouth leaving hot trails along his chest, over to his other shoulder where her lips found Steve ready and waiting for her mouth. Their kiss was a combination of eager tongues and hasty teeth, nipping and sucking with such fervor that Bucky couldn't stand not participating.

One hand curled behind his back, finding Steve's cock with a practiced sort of ease. Steve whimpered into Sid's lips and she smiled softly into the sound until she felt Bucky's other hand push between her legs, the cool fingers of his metal arm discovering her clit and rubbing a few slow, firm circles before sliding two fingers into her folds and finding her wet and wanting.

"Good girl." He rumbled softly, curling his fingers inside of her and causing her to shudder and sigh against Steve's mouth, "Fuck my hand, sweet thing. I wanna see you fall apart." His voice was rough as he bit at her neck before leaning back into Steve, "That goes for you too."

"Fuck." Sid gripped Bucky's shoulders firmly, her eyes clamping shut with the sensation already building between her legs as she started to roll her hips against his hand. She was a damn big fan of Bucky getting bossy and Steve panting in desperation behind him as he did his best to move with Bucky pinning him against the arm rest of the couch. Sid was able to open her eyes eventually, her hips moving more frantically against Bucky's fingers, doing his best to grind the heel of his hand against her clit. Bucky tilted his head to the side, capturing Steve's whimpers and mixing them with his groans. Their kiss was slow and heady, Steve's fingers lost in Bucky's hair and Bucky's arm moving languidly between them.

Sid felt her hips stutter at the sight, her arousal peaking dangerously, her thighs beginning to tremble, unsure if they had the strength to help her find completion when pleasure was rapidly replacing functionality. She whined slightly, feeling the walls of her vagina tightening around Bucky's fingers in a way that made her entire body want to seize up with some sort of perfect splendor. Her eyes shut again and then she felt Steve's hand grip her hip tightly just before Bucky's chest collided with hers and she felt his lips wrap around one of her awaiting nipples. She looked down, watching Bucky pressed between them, the arm behind him still quite busy as Steve adjusted himself, slipping his other arm within the tight space to grab her other hip and guide her body to the finish line.

Steve looked up at her with unadulterated want in his eyes, wrapped around Bucky and using her body to finish fucking his hand. A low growl formed in his chest and Bucky bit down on her nipple, sending a shock wave through her center, making her cry out as she shuddered against Bucky's fingers, her walls fluttering around him in a way that pulled a moan from his lips as he kissed across her chest to her other breast.

"Jesus Sid…" Steve groaned, watching her face twist in serene pleasure, sharp moans coming from behind the lip she bit to keep from shouting. One hand left Sid's hips, tugging at Bucky's pants to shove them out of his way so he could grip the rigid shaft of Bucky's cock and free it from his boxers. Bucky moaned against Sid's chest, as Steve pumped his length with hard, fast strokes, his fingers never leaving her core as she rocked against him slowly, coming down from her glorious release.

Steve pulled back abruptly, brushing Bucky's hand away from his cock and then managing to slip out from behind him. "Lean back." Steve demanded in his most authoritative voice, pushing Bucky's shoulder until his back met the arm rest and he pulled Sid with him.

Bucky's fingers slipped from her, pulling an anguished sound from her lips until his arms wrapped around her waist and lifted her until her legs straddled him and the head of his cock teased her entrance.

Sid leaned forward with a whine, her lips crashing against Bucky's to entangle their tongues in a fervent battle. Bucky took no time thrusting his cock inside of her and Sid pulled away from his mouth to shout his name into his shoulder. He groaned through the sound of his name on her lips, "There we go, doll."

His hips snapped up, relentlessly thrusting inside of her as heat pooled between them, her very recent orgasm causing her entire body to fizzle with frantic need. He smiled into her temple, humming at the sensation of her walls squeezing his cock with each thrust.

"Buck, please…" Steve groaned, standing next to them as he gripped his length, pumping it slowly as he watched their bodies moving together in an effortless sort of dance.

"Get to work sweet heart," He growled in Sid's ear as his hips slowed and he turned to Steve, his hand that wasn't gripping Sid's ass as she rode him reaching out and grabbing Steve's hips, pulling him towards his mouth and opening his lips to gladly take Steve's head between his lips.

"Fuck!" Steve growled as Bucky's mouth worked along his length, his hips helplessly thrusting to deepen the pull of Bucky's lips.

Sid finally sat back, reaching up to Steve so she could move her hands along the expanse of him abdomen, clenching muscles rolling to the tune of Bucky's moans. Steve's fingers curled in Sid's short curls, tilting her head back so he could claim her lips in a vicious kiss that made her grind down on Bucky's length as he twitched inside of her.

Steve tightened his grip on her hair with a hiss as Bucky deepened his attentions on Steve's cock and Sid couldn't help but whimper against him, a sharp sensation creeping down her spine when the pads of Bucky's fingertips found her clit, the wetness causing him to moan around Steve before pulling back completely and cursing softly, "Steve…" Bucky muttered almost urgently as his hips snapped up into Sid and she groaned against Steve's mouth.

His lips left Sid's and with a sigh she folded herself down onto of Bucky to meet his mouth, tasting Steve's precum on his tongue and almost giddy with the sensation. She only separated from his mouth when she heard Steve grumble angrily to her side. She saw him hit the side of his heavy coffee table and a panel snapped off. She frowned slightly before she saw the hidden cubby and Steve pulled out a bottle of lube.

"What?" Steve asked, incredulous.

Sid only chuckled softly as Bucky's mouth attacked her neck, "Nifty." She raised an eye brow at him and grinned.

He sniffed, almost seeming hurt as he moved behind her on the couch, his hand reached down to where her and Bucky were rolling their hips against one another and he groaned at feeling of her wetness easing Bucky's thrusts into her, "You'll be pleased I don't have to run into the bedroom and delay our fun."

"He's right you know." Bucky smiled against her skin, his metal fingers creeping up her stomach to pinch at the nipple he wasn't attending to.

"Oh shut the fuuuu-uuuhhhhh…" Cogent thought was halted when she felt Steve's fingers playing at her anus, massaging gently as he spread lubricant around the entrance and pressed a slick finger slowly inside and began thrusting gently. She cried out again and Bucky moaned along with her, feeling another orgasm clenching around him.

"Oh fuck, yes." He growled, pumping his hips harder against her while Steve arranged himself behind her and pressed inside.

Something like a moan and a sob came from Sid's lips, relishing in the glorious feeling of the men she loved moving inside of her in unison. Steve's mouth found her shoulder, his arms wrapping around her waist and holding her firmly while he and Bucky alternated their thrusts and drove her to the brink of madness.

"Oh my god, please…" She begged as they moved with her, a tangle of limbs and mouths tracing the lines of her body and cocooning her in a haze of frenzied pleasure.

"God Sid, you're so tight." Steve snarled the words through clenched teeth, his mouth wasting no time to find the sensitive spot at the nape of her neck. He bit down on the heated skin and Sid keened loudly, unhindered by anything other than the strong arms keeping her from dissolving into pieces. Bucky's rapid thrusts punctured his groans until his hips began to stutter beneath her signaling his impending climax.

"One more." Steve growled into her shoulder, "I need one more from you." Steve's fingers hastily found her clit and rubbed her urgently, his thrusts now jerking her hips against Bucky's hard cock, making him come inside of her with his strangled groan. Steve's hips did not relent, desperate to squeeze just one more second of pleasure as Bucky shuddered beneath her.

"Oh _fuck_!" Sid practically screamed as she came again, her body seizing up, arcing against them both, and trying to escape the torrents of pleasure that led to a powder keg of delirium. Despite her best efforts to escape the thundering orgasm, Steve's fingers swirled around her clit, fingers firm and frantic as her entire body seized again, an unending shock wave seemed to spill forth from her core, and the scream was fully fledged this time as she was shocked back to her senses. Steve held her tightly as he rode through her concurrent orgasms, his thrusts slow and hard until his hips pressed against her ass frantically and a long finishing groan synched with the pulse inside of her.

As their bodies finally relaxed against each other, all of them providing some sort of dwindling support to another as their chests heaved in exertion, hands traveled along lines of treasured skin that they just couldn't get enough of. Steve's hand curled around Sid's neck and tilted her head back so he could claim her lips while he slowly pulled himself from her, eliciting an eager moan that mixed within their desperate kisses, full of satiated passion and contentment.

Steve fell back against the other side of the couch with a sigh, watching as Sid leaned forward, murmuring soft words against Bucky's lips as he smiled and helped lift her off of him since her legs barely worked. Steve couldn't help but smile at the sight, watching this little moment of peace knowing that even though they pulled apart, they left something behind that made them all feel so whole.

Sid fell back against him then, her arms snaking up so her fingers could play in the short hair at the nape of his neck. Her eyes were closed and she had a serene smile gracing her gorgeous lips. Steve's hands trailed gently along her sides as Bucky sat up, his eyes shinning brightly as he watched them lay with one another, never quite getting enough of the sight of them touching each other.

"I think this calls for a celebratory shower." Bucky grinned as he stood, letting his pants and boxers finally drop to his ankles.

"I wish we had that bath like in Asgard." Sid smiled up at Steve and patted his jaw with affection, and then sighed a little dejectedly, "I don't know if I can walk."

"If you could then we wouldn't be doing it right." Steve's grin was infectious, "You take a bath then. We'll shower." He muttered into her palm before kissing it gently.

"Can I watch?" She grinned up at him and then her eyes trailed to Bucky who was standing, naked as the day he was born and returning her lascivious grin.

"It's made of glass, doll, I think you _have_ to watch." He winked playfully before reaching down to help her stand.

She shrugged slightly as she got to her feet and leaned heavily against Bucky only feigning the innocence in her voice, "Oh no, however will I survive the scandal?"

Steve stood behind her and kissed Bucky quickly on the lips before he smiled, "I'm sure you'll figure out a way to save your delicate sensibilities."

She snorted softly before he kissed her too and she couldn't help the smile that pulled at her lips as she watched him walk bare assed into the bathroom and start filling the tub. Her eyes finally trailed towards Bucky who had his arms wrapped around her. He smiled down at her just as sweetly as every time. His hand lifted to stroke her cheek gently and she relished in the connection.

"Last time we shared a shower, I'd practically beaten you up in the tunnels." His voice was teasing, but she noticed a spark of sadness in his eyes.

She got on her tip toes and pressed her lips against his softly, "Well to be honest you guys just sort of beat me up on a couch, so I guess I'm used to it."

He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed, "Thank you, Sid. Thank you for…" His voice choked off for a moment before he took a deep breath, "…For everything."

Her hand moved up to his cheek and she caressed the stubble there, "You're welcome. For everything." She pressed her lips to his again, "I love you. All of you. Now and then. Whatever else comes too." Her voice held a stubborn insistence.

He smiled wide against her whispers, "I love you too."

"I love you both! Hurry up!" Steve shouted from the bathroom and Sid rolled her eyes at super-hero hearing once again and a genuine smile crept to her lips as she gripped Bucky's metal hand and pulled him towards the bathroom where their other piece of the puzzle was already underneath the spray, humming some distant love song they all seemed to know.


	58. Epilogue: Down the Line

Sid woke gently, albeit groggily. As her eyes blinked lazily in the darkened room, she felt like her bones were made of molasses and she really didn't want to move, but something was different. She felt cold.

She shifted slowly, the fluffy comforter she fought tooth and nail for was puffed up around her like a nest where she found her refuge. She couldn't shift one way, so she tried the other and when her hand extended out into the darkness, seeking something, it managed to fail. She frowned heavily, her sleepiness making it even harder to tolerate even the slightest discomfort, and slowly sat up, pushing the comforter out of her way until she was finally free and she saw what she'd been missing. She rubbed at her eyes a little to clear up the picture and sighed softly.

To say their apartment at the new facility was big was a grievous understatement. It housed two massive super soldiers and a galaxy personified with egos and attitudes to match. Luckily, out in the middle of nowhere, upstate New York, there was land a plenty within its dense forrest like atmosphere. Within the facility, their shared room was the only real permanent residence as most Avengers past or present usually had places to go and people to see. Bucky, Sid, and Steve really only had each other.

It was a warm and familiar space by now, lived in and cherished because it held the people that made it home. Their bedroom was dark aside from a single pane of the massive reactive window that made up an entire section of the wall. The glass was 100% peeper proof and resistant to an assortment of other more artillery type of annoyances as well, but the view it provided was something that was worth the risk.

Steve sat in front of it, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight as he stared out into the night sky, stars more eager to push through this far away from civilization. His skin was bare, entrenched in the glittering fragments and providing a canvass for shadows far too beautiful for Sid to ever really comprehend. But after the last few months they had, she didn't think she'd ever want to stop trying.

There was a soft giggle that bubbled out of her lips, watching Steve stare out into the winter landscape, blanketed by a thin layers of snow that might not make it through the night.

"Winter is coming…" She whispered softly.

Then there was an exaggerated groan that sliced through the moment and snapped Sid out of her sniggering and side job of visual worship of her very own American Adonis.

"Not yet, he's not." Bucky growled, sounding determined though he was always baleful towards being woken up before he was ready — unless by a hand on his cock or the shimmy of hips against his own.

She smiled fondly at the lump next to her, splayed out in all directions, with nothing but a corner of sheet hiding a perfectly rounded ass from those in the presence of it, who were naturally disappointed.

"Come back to bed Steve, your brooding woke us up." Bucky croaked refusing to open his eyes.

Sid chuckled softly, basking in the light hearted, yet gloriously commonplace, teasing as Steve stood up with a smug little grin. As he walked forwards, the shadows creeping in from the night outside carved out definition in his shoulders, neck, and arms that made her think people who believed in heaven might not have much difficulty proving it with a specimen like this. His journey ended rather quickly as he climbed back into bed, on Sid's other side and tugged her softly to lay down with him. Sid reached out and tapped on Bucky's metal shoulder, stretching as far as Steve would allow to wrap her fingers around part of his bicep and start tugging.

He eagerly shifted, crawling up to meet them face to face as languidly as possible, while his fingers ghosted along the space where Steve and Sid's bodies were already pressed against one another, seeking solace.

Bucky joined them in the simple comfort, scooting himself against Sid to snuggle and slipping an arm beneath her pillow so he could run his fingers along Steve's arm. He felt himself just fall into place, his face just inches away from Steve's while she nestled between them below their chins.

Steve and Bucky smiled at each other in the moonlight, revealing something of themselves that they never dreamed they'd understand. Their relationship was new and exciting, but it was a familiar sort of intimacy, like it'd been there all along and was just now evolving into something so much better.

There was so much facing them as time continued to pass. The Avengers Facility was finally settling into itself. Steve was heading the new team now that Tony had chosen to "retire." He and Bucky were tasked with training the newest members of the Avengers alongside Natasha and Clint. Sid had decided to truly dedicating herself to proper education and was going to start attending Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters Who Missed Out Originally And Are Now Playing Catch Up And Need A GED. She hung around the new facility on her days off, participating in a handy way during training sessions and teaming up with Wanda and Natasha to beat up on some super heroes resulting in quality gal pal time. She even advised Wanda who had become accidental teacher to Vision as he worked through adjusting to living with humans, and strange ones at that.

There was still an underlying tone of tension skittering around in the world and Steve was buzzing with all of the eventualities he wanted to plan for.

A hand touched Steve's face and his eyes focused on Bucky again, who was watching him with bemusement.

"What's going on?" Bucky asked softly, his voice rumbling and causing Sid to stir between them, adjusting herself like a cat and getting comfortable.

Steve smiled gently, closing his eyes to focus on the feeling of them all together, intwined and feeling whole, "There's still so much to do."

Bucky sighed but then nodded, "We'll make it work."

"I'm just worried about what's coming next." Steve added tiredly.

"You think its been too quiet?" Bucky asked almost incredulously.

"Whenever you're not punching someone in the face it feels too quiet." Sid mumbled.

Steve gave a soft scoff and rolled his eyes, "Tony's keeping Secretary Ross et al. at bay for now, but we don't know how long that'll last."

"You don't think they're satisfied with the Inquiry." Bucky admitted softly, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Well, we weren't entirely truthful about your recovery process." Steve shifted slightly, snuggling up against the person they left out of their reports. He sighed softly, trying to release the knot in his gut, "They weren't aware of your whereabouts until you showed up in Sokovia by my side. I doubt they'll be able to figure out much else."

"Those aren't the secrets I'm worried around. Its what they already know…" Bucky grumbled resolutely, his lips pressing against the crown of Sid's head as she sighed. "If they come for me, you need to let them take me and you have to protect her."

"Don't talk like that, Buck. Ross will have to get through me and the rest of the Avengers to get to you." Steve practically snarled. "You're not the threat they should be concerned with."

"Excuse you," Sid interjected with a yawn, "but I just got upgraded from Zero to 'Take the other one' barely a few months ago." Her voice was stubborn and she sounded like a child woken from a nap, "We didn't even celebrate the fact that I was chosen for abduction by faceless henchmen instead of The Winter Soldier and Captain America." She rolled so the she could look up at the both of them with a pantomime of a hurt scowl, "I'm kind of a big deal."

"This again?" Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes, secretly thankful for the shift in conversation.

"We'll never hear the end of that will we?" Steve sighed tiredly.

Sid grinned wide at their responses, "What I'm saying is, none of us are innocent here. We can't protect each other from our sins. That's sort of half of why it all works." She stretched up and kissed both Bucky then Steve gently on their jaw lines. "If they come, they come. We'll fight back again and again." She shrugged, "We got shit to do. Worlds to save." Her grin turned slick, "Beds to break in."

Bucky smirked, "You don't think it'll be a little difficult to form a healthy relationship with numerous National Governments and assorted leagues of villainy breathing down our necks?"

Sid scoffed, "I mean, if you wanna be a pessimist…"

Steve just chuckled, "Yeah, we'll figure it out." He snuggled himself back into the bed and got comfortable.

Bucky looked at him while Sid settled between them again, Steve's arm curled around her waist and her legs fought to entangle themselves with Bucky's so she could warm her toes against his feet. Sid muttered, "And how we gonna do that, oh captain my captain?" She finished with a yawn.

Steve scooted himself closer and leaned in, pressing his lips to Bucky's softly. He pulled back and placed a kiss on the top of Sid's head and muttered, "Together…"

And with that word, there was a sense of peace that had long been absent in the hearts of Sid, Steve, and Bucky. The weight of their collective suffering was enough to choke a bear, but as they curled into one another, their breaths easing and falling into a familiar rhythm, their hearts beating to a common tune, they fell asleep, comfortable and happy in the moment and confident they would survive another day as long as they had each other.


End file.
